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Marriage falling apart

Tanya in KS
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Tanya in KS

Tanya in KS

Posted
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So on top of our daughter having cancer, our marriage is falling apart. My husband refuses to go see someone to help us through this terrible time. It is not that he thinks things are great - he just wont go because "he was pyschoanalyze too much as a kid & doesn't want to go through that again EVER."

 

I am starting to see someone today. I do not believe in divorce & believe that we CAN get through this somehow - we just need someone outside the situation to help us through.

 

Thanks for listening..just needed to vent

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Joanne

Joanne

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So on top of our daughter having cancer, our marriage is falling apart. My husband refuses to go see someone to help us through this terrible time. It is not that he thinks things are great - he just wont go because "he was pyschoanalyze too much as a kid & doesn't want to go through that again EVER."

 

I am starting to see someone today. I do not believe in divorce & believe that we CAN get through this somehow - we just need someone outside the situation to help us through.

 

Thanks for listening..just needed to vent

 

I am very glad you are seeking support, help and encouragement during this time. {{hugs}}

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ktgrok

ktgrok

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will he read a book or look at a website? The marriage builders website has great articles and things you can print out, and it is NOT about finding your inner child or your feminine side or whatever issues he might associate with psychologists. It's just a VERY logical, bare bones approach to making a marriage or other partnership work. The basic idea is that if you associate your spouse with negative things (like illness of a child, paying bills, doing dishes) more than you associate them with positive things (back rubs, TEA, moral support, playing games, watching movies, eating nice meals) then you get into trouble. It talks about the "love bank" where you are always making withdrawals and deposits. Very guy friendly, and really helpful. There are books too. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html

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Garga

Garga

Posted
Posted
So on top of our daughter having cancer, our marriage is falling apart. My husband refuses to go see someone to help us through this terrible time. It is not that he thinks things are great - he just wont go because "he was pyschoanalyze too much as a kid & doesn't want to go through that again EVER."

 

I am starting to see someone today. I do not believe in divorce & believe that we CAN get through this somehow - we just need someone outside the situation to help us through.

 

Thanks for listening..just needed to vent

 

Instead of going to someone official, is there another mature couple that will talk to you over dinner or somewhere casual? Just for support?

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

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Catwoman

Catwoman

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Your family is going through such a difficult time, and I applaud you for being the one to try to hold everything (and everyone) together -- I'm also glad you're being proactive and are seeking outside support, because it's so important to take care of your own emotional needs.

 

We're here for you whenever you need to talk. :grouphug:

 

Cat

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Scarlett

Scarlett

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Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue really helped us.

 

I know of several marriages (one was mine) in which the husband would not go to counseling. One wife moved out and he changed his mind. One wife committed adultery and he changed his mind. One wife committed suicide. He wishes he had changed his mind. :(

 

I liked Dr. Phil's book too. I like the no nonsense approach.

 

I wanted to also second the http://www.marriagebuilders.com site. Awesome pro-active plan. No wallowing around in childhood issues...just cut to the chase, what can we do TODAY to be happy in our marriage.

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Impish

Impish

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:grouphug: I'm so sorry. I hope you are able to work everything out.

:iagree:

:grouphug: Catastrophic stress such as you are facing is incredibly hard on a marriage. I pray the best for all involved.

 

Instead of going to someone official, is there another mature couple that will talk to you over dinner or somewhere casual? Just for support?

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

Great idea.

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Liz CA

Liz CA

Posted
Posted
So on top of our daughter having cancer, our marriage is falling apart. My husband refuses to go see someone to help us through this terrible time. It is not that he thinks things are great - he just wont go because "he was pyschoanalyze too much as a kid & doesn't want to go through that again EVER."

 

I am starting to see someone today. I do not believe in divorce & believe that we CAN get through this somehow - we just need someone outside the situation to help us through.

 

Thanks for listening..just needed to vent

 

Do you think it would make any difference if you said:" I need help. Will you go with me so I don't have to go alone?"

In other words make it sound like you think you are in need of professional help and would he support you by coming along.

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Anne in CA

Anne in CA

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm know this is hard. I didn't want to go to marraige counseling years ago, because I was convinced dh would not really change, so I would end up spinning my wheels and spilling my guts for nothing. Maybe this is what happened to your dh as a child and doing some good research and picking some one really good could avoid that? Dh, did make changes and I am glad we went, but I just want to say that if you can catch you dh with his defenses down maybe you can find our more about why he doesn't want to go. The key is finding the right moment. I only went because I thought divorce was coming and I would bear the blame in front of my children if I try counseling first. I'm so glad we did it though.

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LidiyaDawn

LidiyaDawn

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Instead of going to someone official, is there another mature couple that will talk to you over dinner or somewhere casual? Just for support?

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Seconding this suggestion. Another alternative - do you attend a church? Perhaps he might be more receptive to talking with someone there?

 

I'm a bit like that - I don't have much use for the whole "psychotherapy" stuff. I know for myself I'd be more willing (still a little hesitant, but not nearly as much) to talk with people like the above examples.

 

(Please understand: I'm not knocking YOUR choice to see any sort of professional. I'm just saying that someone who views that the way that your husband does might be a bit more willing to try less "official" alternatives.)

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Peela

Peela

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:grouphug:

I was the only one ever willing to do any therapy, marriage or otherwise...and it was often enough to get us through. Not because I was the only one who needed help or to learn ways of handling things....but because I learned how to cope and grow, and it was enough to help him shift too.

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