People of faith, do you befriend "others"?

[Snowfall]

People of other faiths or no faith at all? I'm really curious about this, because while I think the knee jerk reaction of most Christians would be to say something along the lines of, "Of course I do!" but then I know that tends to be very far from the truth for many, many Christians (many, not all, of course). I can't comment on people of other faiths as I've never been an "insider". Just reading these boards, it's obvious that some posters don't want their kids to be friends with non-Christians, regardless of whether or not they're actually good kids (the underlying assumption seems to be that they simply can't be good kids).

 

I'm asking because I live in a very small town, and all the local home schoolers I've met are Christian. I can't figure out what the general consensus seems to be, because while I know no one wants to come right out and say that they just don't want to be friends with anyone not of their faith, I also know some people definitely feel that way. I'm trying to decide whether it's worth trying to make friends or not. I don't want to expend a bunch of energy trying to befriend people who consciously or subconsciously already know they aren't going to have anything to do with me or let their kid have anything to do with my kid.

 

So how do you deal with these situations if you're religious, and what is the general consensus among your religious friends?

[Ellie]

Yes, I do. But when my dc were little, much of our time was spent at church so that there wasn't the opportunity to meet others who were not Christians and spend significant amounts of time with them, KWIM?

 

Also, my non-Christian friends tend to have very similar values to mine--that would be one of the things that attract us to each other; I would have been less likely to spend time with non-Christians who were very much involved with things like the occult, or who smoked or drank to excess, or whatever.

 

So, yes, my dc and I had non-Christian friends, but we still had many common interests.

 

I do have friends who don't want their dc contaminated by non-Christians, but in my denomination, that isn't usually an issue. I cannot speak for others.

[J-rap]

Yes, my husband and I have always befriended "others." What we value most in people is honesty, sincerity, dependability, caring, faithfulness, wisdom and humor. Whether they call themselves Christians or not is not as important as whether they have the traits that we consider to be so crucial.

[Pretty in Pink]

Short answer: yes, we do. Absolutely.

[Chelle in MO]

Short answer: yes, we do. Absolutely.

 

 

:iagree: She took my answer. ;)

[Paige]

Of course, we do. Generally, when we make friends or even become friendly with people we don't ask, so don't know, what their religious beliefs are before a relationship is established. We would never end a relationship simply because we did not share the same religious beliefs. Many of my good friends are not Christians or I have no idea what they believe yet and their children are among my children's best friends. I guess it would be different if you meet most of your friends at church but that isn't how it is for us right now.

[Crissy]

Absolutely. Some of my very best friends are "others".

[Tutor]

Of course.

 

If I didn't, I wouldn't be friends with 90% of my family, at least 50% of my homeschooling friends, and most of the friends we've made through dh's school. Plus, life would be very boring and unstimulating.

[Dolphin]

I agree with what the other posters have said. I have very few friends that I see socially from my church (it is 30 min away) About half my friends are Christian from all sorts of other denominations and half aren't. One of my best friends is Indian and is a very spiritual person. We love to share all sorts of things about our cultures. We cook together, are in a book club and talk a lot about our faiths. I have gone to some of her religious festivals, and she has come to Midnight Mass with me. My friends and I do all share a lot of core values. There is a small group of people who have given Christians a bad name, there are those people in any group. Whether you agree with it or not, look at it from an academic point of view. It is a beautiful religion with a lot of teaching of love, charity, and acceptance. However, no of us are perfect and most of us are always trying to be better and work on our short comings.

 

I really hope I don't offend anyone, but I am having more difficulty in finding things in common with the unschoolers that I am coming across at different local home school events. (I am hoping that is okay here as this is the WTM board) I just find that I have very little in common with them. I am working at being less judgmental, but so far it is not going so well. I make 2 steps forward and then someone tells me that her son is a genius as he knows the names of all the dinosaurs so she figures he is all good.

 

Nicole

[dirty ethel rackham]

Yes, I do. My favorite homeschooling group was a non-sectarian group where I have met my best-est friends - of many faiths and beliefs. One of my dearest friends is agnostic. I would not fit into the Christian groups in my area - they are not very welcoming of Catholics, so I am sensitive to making others feel welcome.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I make friends pretty much anywhere that I tend to go to often enough to make friends. At church, those friends tend to be Christians but at other places they tend not to be because of the demographics of that location.

[Rosie_0801]

It goes the other way too, you know. We generally don't befriend church going Christians either. Why? Well where would we meet you? You're all in church! :lol:

 

Anyway, I vote you try and make friends anyway. I happen to be a Pagan attending a church playgroup and some of them even know I'm not Christian.

 

:)

Rosie

[mykdsmomy]

My best friend (who I hope doesn't mind me talking about her ;) ) isn't a Christian. Ironically, we met at our church she no longer attends. I can't imagine my life without her.

 

I know some Christians who would encourage me not to share my faith struggles with a non Christian but honestly, that sounds like you're trying to hide something about Christianity. My dear friend and I share different struggles with each other and are honest. I think that's what makes the friendship work. If I took on the attitude that I should only lean on Christians for big things, I would live a very lonely existence. Some of the Christians I know act LESS Christian like than my non Christian friend!!!

 

So in short, I would absolutely make friends (and have) with non Christians :)

[Alyce]

Like a PP said my friends and even my relatives have things in common but there are things that I don't like. I don't drink and I would prefer that others don't drink but that's ultimately their decision. I don't forbid them to drink in my presence unless they drink to excess. I'm a christian but my Christ did not teach me to only hang out with other Christians and think that I'm better than someone else. Christ taught us that the most important thing we should do is reach out to others and love them no matter what. My prayer for you would be that God would work on your heart and help you see him but I don't force my religion down your throat. It is not what Christ wants us to do. I don't have problems with having friends with different "views". That's what makes us a community. I do think that there are a small number of Christians who unfortunately, give the others a bad name. I kind of see it like homeschooling. On TV we always here about the homeschooling family that neglected their children and weren't really homeschooling so everyone sees homeschoolers as people who have something to hide and we're really not educating our children. I see the same things happening to Christians. Yes there are those out there you preach fire and ****ation or who think it's okay to say one thing but do another. In reality, that's not what Christ asked us to do or wants us to act but those are the ones who get the attention and therefore many people think that's what a Christian is like. I like having other people around me. I like learning about what is important to them. It helps me to grow if I understand the people around me better and it does keep me from being judgmental. If you set your self in a vacuum you learn nothing and you can do nothing. You might as well not be on earth because you have lost your ability to provide the earth with something precious and valuable and that is friendship with each other. Yes I do hope my friends learn about Christ but my words aren't going to help them as much as my actions will.

[ondreeuh]

You can do what I did ... join the Christian homeschoolers and just stay mum when the subject of faith comes up. By the time they figure out you're not a Christian they will have already grown to like you and your kids and will see that you're not threatening. I didn't actually intend to do that, though - I joined a field trip group not knowing it was specifically Christian, but it worked out for me.

[Audrey]

People of other faiths or no faith at all? I'm really curious about this, because while I think the knee jerk reaction of most Christians would be to say something along the lines of, "Of course I do!" but then I know that tends to be very far from the truth for many, many Christians (many, not all, of course). I can't comment on people of other faiths as I've never been an "insider". Just reading these boards, it's obvious that some posters don't want their kids to be friends with non-Christians, regardless of whether or not they're actually good kids (the underlying assumption seems to be that they simply can't be good kids).

 

I'm asking because I live in a very small town, and all the local home schoolers I've met are Christian. I can't figure out what the general consensus seems to be, because while I know no one wants to come right out and say that they just don't want to be friends with anyone not of their faith, I also know some people definitely feel that way. I'm trying to decide whether it's worth trying to make friends or not. I don't want to expend a bunch of energy trying to befriend people who consciously or subconsciously already know they aren't going to have anything to do with me or let their kid have anything to do with my kid.

 

So how do you deal with these situations if you're religious, and what is the general consensus among your religious friends?

 

 

As a non-xian in a very small town/rural area, let me just say to keep looking. While there will always be people (of all stripes, including xians) who won't have anything to do with someone who doesn't fit their little mold, there are xians out there who will see you for the person you are and accept you based on that. I have a few friends who are very xian -- one is even a Hutterite -- but beyond that, they are simply good, open-hearted people, and I know they can't be the only ones out there. :grouphug:

[Michelle My Bell]

I guess I'll be the only one here to admit it. It is not that I don't WANT to be friends with non-christians, it is just I tend to enjoy my relationships more WITH christians. We have the same values, I am more comfortable around them and their children being around my children. In all honesty, I don't want my children exposed to non-christian values on a regular basis. So I would say that no, I don't have friends that are not christians, and I am pretty sure that most non-christians (meaning people who claim to NOT be Christians, not just people who don't go to church regularly) would not enjoy my company as we would have different ideas about things.

[Hannah]

I'm asking because I live in a very small town, and all the local home schoolers I've met are Christian.

 

This is our situation as well. Most of the group is Afrikaans speaking, while we're English at home, so there's already a bit of a difference there.

 

We've made friends with some great people and over time they've come to realize that I'm not Christian and that we don't attend church and at that point it does not seem to matter any more.

 

The homeschool group has no statement of faith requirements, so I have never thought that I am deceiving anyone in any way. When they do prayer at mealtime or something like that, we partake respectfully. People don't usually ask others their beliefs outright and I don't go out of my way to point out that I'm not Christian.

[Melissa in Australia]

I live in a community where all the homeschoolers are one religion and I am not. They will be polite to me, but won't be my friends, more like acquaintances. They are probably what you would call friendly without being friends.

[Miss Sherry]

People of other faiths or no faith at all? I'm really curious about this, because while I think the knee jerk reaction of most Christians would be to say something along the lines of, "Of course I do!" but then I know that tends to be very far from the truth for many, many Christians (many, not all, of course). I can't comment on people of other faiths as I've never been an "insider". Just reading these boards, it's obvious that some posters don't want their kids to be friends with non-Christians, regardless of whether or not they're actually good kids (the underlying assumption seems to be that they simply can't be good kids).

 

I'm asking because I live in a very small town, and all the local home schoolers I've met are Christian. I can't figure out what the general consensus seems to be, because while I know no one wants to come right out and say that they just don't want to be friends with anyone not of their faith, I also know some people definitely feel that way. I'm trying to decide whether it's worth trying to make friends or not. I don't want to expend a bunch of energy trying to befriend people who consciously or subconsciously already know they aren't going to have anything to do with me or let their kid have anything to do with my kid.

 

So how do you deal with these situations if you're religious, and what is the general consensus among your religious friends?

Does it really matter what the general consensus is ? What you really need to know is whether certain individuals that you meet will be a good friend for you , not whether every other possible person if they are christian will be a good friend for you. It's really a very individual matter. I think it has a lot to do with individual interests and if your lifestyles are compatible.

I have found that it seems that when you have young children and the children are a good fit that can be a place to start. Perhaps you could start by approaching another homeschool Mom with children close to the ages of your own so you have at least that in common. But don't invest everything in one person.You may be very disappointed if that one friendship doesn't continue. You may need to look around and meet several ladies before you find a few who are a good fit for friendships.

Is there a homeschool support group you can attend or a Mom's group or play group of some kind ?

[littlebug42]

We do. We have friends of many different faiths and of no faith at all - everything from Jewish to Christian to Wiccan to atheists. We don't really associate with anyone from our church other than my family. Most of our friendships were forged doing community theatre where we have met many different people. We all have a mutual respect for each other and our beliefs and it is not a problem.

[nd293]

I'm an "other" but I've only once had someone actually ask me outright "What church do you go to" with the assumption being that I went to one. We have had casual social events with homeschooling families who are very active in their faith, and I can only assume they realise that we are not religious. My daughter is still welcome (even encouraged) to associate with their children. I do recognise, however, that unless I have some special connection with one of the women, my relationship with the group will stay peripheral, as they see each other regularly through church and related events.

 

We were once invited to a church social event by a homeschool family we had just met. I decided to be clear, and said that we'd love to come, but that we didn't attend church. We were still welcomed, no strings attached, and my dd remains close friends with their daughter.

 

Honestly, I've learned not to expend too much energy on any relationship until I have a clearer sense of the person's values, personality etc etc.

[asta]

I guess I'll be the only one here to admit it. It is not that I don't WANT to be friends with non-christians, it is just I tend to enjoy my relationships more WITH christians. We have the same values, I am more comfortable around them and their children being around my children. In all honesty, I don't want my children exposed to non-christian values on a regular basis. So I would say that no, I don't have friends that are not christians, and I am pretty sure that most non-christians (meaning people who claim to NOT be Christians, not just people who don't go to church regularly) would not enjoy my company as we would have different ideas about things.

 

This is so incredibly sad.

 

I'm going to go on a tear, so I'll just start with a basic definition: the Samaritans hated the Jews. For any non-bible readers out there, the Samaritans claimed that their religion was the "true" one, and that the Jews who had gone wandering in the desert had an incredibly bastardized one. Needless to say, they didn't talk to one another, and they certainly didn't help one another out.

 

Which is why the parable of the "good" Samaritan is so important (yes, I lifted it straight off of wiki - I'm lazy):

 

In the Gospel of Luke, the parable is introduced by a question:

 

Behold, a certain lawyer stood up and tested him, saying, "Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?"

 

He said to him, "What is written in the law? How do you read it?"

 

He answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind [Deuteronomy 6:5]; and your neighbor as yourself [Leviticus 19:18]."

 

He said to him, "You have answered correctly. Do this, and you will live."

 

But he, desiring to justify himself, asked Jesus, "Who is my neighbor?"

 

– Luke 10:25–29, World English Bible

 

Jesus then replied with a story:

 

Jesus answered, "A certain man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who both stripped him and beat him, and departed, leaving him half dead. By chance a certain priest was going down that way. When he saw him, he passed by on the other side. In the same way a Levite also, when he came to the place, and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a certain Samaritan, as he traveled, came where he was. When he saw him, he was moved with compassion, came to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. He set him on his own animal, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him. On the next day, when he departed, he took out two denarii, and gave them to the host, and said to him, 'Take care of him. Whatever you spend beyond that, I will repay you when I return.' Now which of these three do you think seemed to be a neighbor to him who fell among the robbers?"

He said, "He who showed mercy on him."

Then Jesus said to him, "Go and do likewise."

 

– Luke 10:30–37, World English Bible

 

Personally, and mind you (plural you), this is just my opinion, I think that there are a lot of Christians on the planet who have forgotten the definition of "Christian".

 

Granted, there are a lot of other people in *other* religions who appear to have neatly tucked away the tenets of their religions as well. But that's not what got my goat this morning.

 

I really think that if everyone who claimed a faith *lived* that faith, the whole world would be better off.

 

And that Christianity doesn't have the market cornered on following the golden rule. There are a billion + people on this planet, and most of them aren't Christian. To exclude them as potential friends based on that (without knowing how upstanding or poor their value system is) is just sad.

 

JMO

[Renee in NC]

I don't often know if people I meet are Christian or not. I do gravitate towards people who share my values (as a PP mentioned) but I am fairly moderate. I won't say some of my best friends are "others" because, well, I don't have many friends!:lol: I do not decide who my dc can be around using that as a litmus test - Christian children can be brats, too.;)

[choirfarm]

I don't ask. I don't have a problem with being friends with other people, but at the same time I must say that most of my contact is with Christians:

 

I go to church on Sunday mornings and evenings, Monday night once a month meeting with Christian homeschool group (only one around). Wednesday- co-op with Christian homeschool friends in hte morning piano lessons in the afternoon, Church activities from 4:30-9. Thursday afternoon violin lessons for daughter n the afternoon, Saturday morning flag football with homeschool group.

 

So other than casual contact, I just don't interact with nonbelievers. I'm not sure how to change it either other than going to ps.

 

Christine

[Parrothead]

My best friend since childhood is Pagan. The only time I did not have Jewish friends was when I lived in the deep south. I have never known any Muslims (except the ladies here on this board) or Buddhists, or Hindus.

 

I try to be friends with Protestant Christians. Sometimes that is hard because they don't want to associate with Catholic Christians.

 

I would prefer to have a wide variety of friends - male and female, religious and not, straight and gay, Christian and not, American and not, etc., etc. That is difficult living in small towns and being somewhat of an introvert.

[keptwoman]

I'm not Christian, but I've met plenty of them through homeschooling. My experience is that you can't generalise, some will welcome you and become friends, others will keep you at arms length. I've met both kinds. I'm grateful that one of the former is my very closest friend and that she did not discard me due to my lack of belief in her god.

[TN Mama]

Of course, we do. Generally, when we make friends or even become friendly with people we don't ask, so don't know, what their religious beliefs are before a relationship is established. We would never end a relationship simply because we did not share the same religious beliefs.

 

:iagree:

[Karenciavo]

We don't ask people about their faith before befriending people. Most people make friends where they are. A lot of home schooled Christians gather together to co-op education and friendships are formed. A lot of home schooled Christians go to church together and friendships are formed. We are friends with many non-believers IRL and I've met a lot of non-believing friends onine I would love to live near. If there is respect, humility, and love in the relationship, in any relationship, it can flourish.

[JessReplanted]

I would say it depends on the person, and that you can't lump all people who claim to be Christian into either a 'friendly' or 'unfriendly' category.

 

We are Christians and we are homeschoolers. We moved a year ago, and we still don't have any homeschooling friends. So, maybe it's just hard to meet other homeschoolers in certain areas of the country?? I know it has been very challenging (and discouraging) for me. At the beginning of the month we went to a non-religious based homeschool group meeting at a local library. There were only 3 other women there (with their kids) but they were all friendly, and the kids seemed to play well together. It was definitely something I would go to again.

[The Girls' Mom]

Yes, I do, and my kids do. Most of my closest friends here in TX are not Christians. My kids closest friends here are not. We do however, tend to spend more time with people that have values that do not directly oppose ours. And we have a lot of conversations (the kids and I) about how people believe differently than we do, and WHY we believe what we do.

 

I also don't try to dampen our faith around them. I don't evangelize them, but they know I'm Christian, and that I pray for them. It's been just as important for them to not get offended by my faith as it is for me to not be offended by theirs, or their lack thereof. (I hope that made sense...)

[creekland]

We do. Our friends that don't share our faith come from work (both mine at school and hubby's as an engineer), neighbors (we live semi-rural and know our neighbors much better than we did when we lived in a city), and family. I've never belonged to any homeschooling group so don't know what those are like around here.

[angela in ohio]

I'm not Christian, but I've met plenty of them through homeschooling. My experience is that you can't generalise, some will welcome you and become friends, others will keep you at arms length. I've met both kinds. I'm grateful that one of the former is my very closest friend and that she did not discard me due to my lack of belief in her god.

 

Thank you. It is nice to see someone who doesn't stereotype based on some of the Christians they've met and understands that we are each individual people. :001_smile:

[angela in ohio]

Of course; that's the point of our faith. I have to be honest that when I am friends with non-Christians, I am hoping that by loving them, showing them the faith in my life, etc., they will come to faith. I believe in a different kind of evangelism: not the kind where you throw big events and get people all emotional until they "come forward," or the kind where you knock on doors randomly to share your faith, but the kind where you love people, living day in and day out in service to them, and show them God's love.

 

I know what you are talking about, though. We left an environment where you only spent time with the people from your own church; you didn't do anything with other homeschoolers outside your faith; etc. God showed us that we needed to live among our community, Christians and non-Christians, and love everyone, and that he would use us in that way.

 

So, yes, we would be friends with you. As Ellie said, some (how close we became, especially) would depend on whether we had things in common. My dc wouldn't try to hit your dc over the heads with Bible verses, nor would I. But we wouldn't hide that part of our lives, and we would be praying for your salvation. :001_smile: That may make some not want to be friends with us, I've found; they only want to be friends with Christians who are willing to pretend they're not when they're with non-Christians.

 

My dc are not influenced by whom they are around much, because dh and I have a strong influence in their lives. We spend enough time with our dc, real one-on-one time, not just being in the same house together or being at the same place together, that we don't have to worry as much about negative influences. I think that is more effective (and easier) than guarding who they are with, and what they are exposed to, constantly.

Edited October 24, 2010 by angela in ohio
who/whom error

[babysparkler]

Of course!

 

(Also, if I didn't associate with non-Christians, I wouldn't have an extended family ;).)

[hsbeth]

Of course; that's the point of our faith. I have to be honest that when I am friends with non-Christians, I am hoping that by loving them, showing them the faith in my life, etc., they will come to faith. I believe in a different kind of evangelism: not the kind where you throw big events and get people all emotional until they "come forward," or the kind where you knock on doors randomly to share your faith, but the kind where you love people, living day in and day out in service to them, and show them God's love.

 

 

 

So, yes, we would be friends with you. As Ellie said, some (how close we became, especially) would depend on whether we had things in common. My dc wouldn't try to hit your dc over the heads with Bible verses, nor would I. But we wouldn't hide that part of our lives, and we would be praying for your salvation. :001_smile: That may make some not want to be friends with us, I've found; they only want to be friends with Christians who are willing to pretend they're not when they're with non-Christians.

 

:iagree:

[GWOB]

:grouphug: to you, OP. I live in a very rural area (3500 people in town, maybe 6000 in the whole county). Most of them are Christian, if only culturally. It's hard for me to meet non-Christians here, but when we go to larger cities, I have no problem associating with Muslim women with head coverings, Hindu women, whatever. My best friend from middle school hasn't stepped foot in a church in forever. I still love her to bits and pieces. We have a new homeschooling family coming into our group. I'd call them indifferent to religion. I'm thrilled to death!

 

Yes, I prefer to have my children hang out with people who share our values. However, Christians do not own the market on good values. Muslims share many, MANY of the same values as Christians. The vast majority of the Atheists and Agnogtics I know are not immoral people, raging drunks, murders, thieves, liars, etc. I've even met homosexual couples (gasp!) that are wonderful people. On the other hand, I've met Christians who go to church every time the doors are open that I'd rather not associate with. People are people, no matter their race, religion (or lack there of), or even sexual orientation.

[GWOB]

Of course!

 

(Also, if I didn't associate with non-Christians, I wouldn't have an extended family ;).)

 

 

:iagree: Are we related to the same people?

[mommaduck]

YES!

[NanceXToo]

Well, my family is Jewish. And not particularly religious Jews at that. I homeschool secularly.

 

I was lucky enough to find a homeschool group that doesn't have religion as an emphasis- as in none of our meetups are religious in nature- but it is still composed largely of Christian homeschoolers.

 

I've been a member of the group since I started homeschooling (and already knew the two organizers from the stay-at-home-moms group I had belonged to prior to that) and I soon became a group organizer, too, and helped out a lot with the group.

 

Most all of the members have been very friendly with me when we are on outings together, and I with them. There are a couple whom I've become friendly enough with to have get togethers with outside of the group events and our kids love to play together (and they are Christian).

 

There was one instance where a new member joined and introduced herself by saying something like "I'm looking forward to making good Christian friends for myself and my kids!" -that was a member who didn't really end up becoming active or staying with the group anyway, but it does make me think, "what, so someone who isn't a Christian couldn't be a friend? My kids can't play with your kids? Why specify you're looking to make CHRISTIAN friends? Why not just... friends? Can't homeschooling be the common bond and then see how you progress from there in regard to how you relate to people based on personality and common interests and so on?"

 

I'm sure she meant nothing by that comment and that it never occurred to her how narrow minded it might have seemed to someone like me.

 

Me, I will be friends with people who are Christian, who are Jewish, who are atheists, people of all sorts, because their religious beliefs or lack thereof just don't matter to me.

 

What matters to me is whether we can have an easy conversation. Whether we can joke and laugh. Whether we have anything in common. Whether I feel like I can be myself with you. Whether you are nice to my kids when you talk to them. Whether your kids play nicely with my kids and seem to enjoy each other's company. Whether you seem to be a decent person in general.

 

If or where you go to church, what you believe will happen when you die, those things don't matter to me. And if they matter enough to you that it would stop you from having a friendship with someone who doesn't go to the same place, believe the same thing (but who, believe it or not, still happens to be capable of being a good friend and does happen to have fundamental morals), so be it. That just means you're not at all my style and not really someone I'd want to have a friendship with, either.

[PiCO]

So, yes, we would be friends with you. As Ellie said, some (how close we became, especially) would depend on whether we had things in common. My dc wouldn't try to hit your dc over the heads with Bible verses, nor would I. But we wouldn't hide that part of our lives, and we would be praying for your salvation. :001_smile: That may make some not want to be friends with us, I've found; they only want to be friends with Christians who are willing to pretend they're not when they're with non-Christians.

 

This is a fine line for me, as an atheist. Some Christians are more than happy to be friends as long as they don't have to keep quiet about thier faith. (This is how you seem from your post, Angela...) That's great- I want friends who can be themselves around me.

 

However, some Christians will only befriend a non-Christian for the express purpose of "saving" them. I don't want to be anyone's science fair project or another tick mark in their Bible.

 

I find I have more in common with many Christians than some atheists, and atheists are harder to come by in this country- so most of my friends are Christian.

[mytwomonkeys]

yes, many of my friends are not christian. i'd say about half of my close friends do not consider themselves to be christian. then, i have other friends that do consider themselves to be christian, but definitely do not have the same beliefs as i do when it comes to application of the bible, political views, etc. lastly, i have some friends that believe fairly closely in doctrine as i do.

 

my children are still young yet, so most of their friends now are their cousins and playmates from our co-op and church. i would say almost all of their friends have a christian faith of some sort. i am not closed off to my kids being friends with people of another faith though, this is just how it has worked itself out for right now.

[Mommyfaithe]

People of other faiths or no faith at all? I'm really curious about this, because while I think the knee jerk reaction of most Christians would be to say something along the lines of, "Of course I do!" but then I know that tends to be very far from the truth for many, many Christians (many, not all, of course). I can't comment on people of other faiths as I've never been an "insider". Just reading these boards, it's obvious that some posters don't want their kids to be friends with non-Christians, regardless of whether or not they're actually good kids (the underlying assumption seems to be that they simply can't be good kids).

 

I'm asking because I live in a very small town, and all the local home schoolers I've met are Christian. I can't figure out what the general consensus seems to be, because while I know no one wants to come right out and say that they just don't want to be friends with anyone not of their faith, I also know some people definitely feel that way. I'm trying to decide whether it's worth trying to make friends or not. I don't want to expend a bunch of energy trying to befriend people who consciously or subconsciously already know they aren't going to have anything to do with me or let their kid have anything to do with my kid.

 

So how do you deal with these situations if you're religious, and what is the general consensus among your religious friends?

 

I definitely have friends who are not christians, and quite frankly that does not even come into play when I decide who my friends are. I am more concerned with their values as far as having similar regard for their children, whether or not they can argue without getting offended (even non-christians get offended,) if they like to read and talk about books, if they are loyal, if they are kind and caring, etc. Those things are MUCH more important to me than religion or political standing.

 

Faithe

[FO4UR]

Yes.

 

How close of friends we become is determined by common interests & values and a trustworthy character (and willingness to forgive faults). Claiming to be a Christian doesn't make a person a good friend or not. In fact, the gossip that goes on in the name of "prayer requests" tends to make me more cautious than not around many Christian circles....(my dh is a minister and I've/we've been the topic of too many "prayer requests" lately;):glare:) If I had any guarantee on friendships lately, it's that I must remain guarded - at church! (everything I say can and will be twisted and used against dh...even mentioning the most mundane things in small talk have been a source of strife)

 

As for the dc, pastors/deacons kids can be THE WORST (no wonder given my paragraph above)...the kid that stalked and harassed me as a teen was a PK. I :lol: at the assumption that Christian kids are of a better breed. (and *my* dc are PK's so I know of which I :lol:)

 

I didn't mean to sound so negative about Christians...I am one...my point is that it's a false sense of security to befriend only Christians and it's GREAT loss to refuse others as friends.

[elegantlion]

 

 

And that Christianity doesn't have the market cornered on following the golden rule. There are a billion + people on this planet, and most of them aren't Christian. To exclude them as potential friends based on that (without knowing how upstanding or poor their value system is) is just sad.

 

JMO

 

:iagree:I'm a christian and have unfortunately seen the attitude of "only christians has morals and values" many times. It is indeed sad.

 

However, some Christians will only befriend a non-Christian for the express purpose of "saving" them. I don't want to be anyone's science fair project or another tick mark in their Bible.

 

 

 

:iagree:IMO this is where people get turned off at the church. I've seen this with children, youth, and adults groups. Bring- your- unsaved- friend- to- church- and- get- a- cookie type stuff really turns me off.

 

Yes, I have friends that are non-christians. They know I'm christian, I know they're not. We were drawn together by other commonalities.

[meldamo]

Yes! Let me tell you, though, that, as a pastor's wife, it is really hard not to get dismissed by those "others." I feel that I have to work 10 times as hard to prove that I am not just trying to get everyone to go to my church.

 

I am socially and politically very liberal, and I have more in common with many non-Christians than I do with many conservative Christians. It just takes a long time to prove to the non-Christians that I may not be out to get them.

 

I'm in a new town and a new homeschool group right now, so I can tell you that this is a current struggle. Many Christians and non-Christians feel they know all about me as soon as they hear what my husband does, and neither group has me pegged with only that knowledge. It does help to let my tattoos show, I've found. Oh, and to go as long as possible without mentioning my husband!

 

Melani

[Hunter's Moon]

As long as someone is nice, caring, funny, and respects my boundaries; yes.

 

I also prefer people who are introverts, like myself, because then we can just relax together and read or watch movies but that is just a preference, not something I really look for.

[MamaT]

Yes, we have friends who are not Christian. What is most important to us, as a family, is shared values and interests. Having said that, our faith is very much central to our life and our VERY best friends do share our faith. It is not a criteria we use in allowing/or not allowing our kids to befriend other kids or "hang out' with them, though.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I have a lot of friends of other faiths and those who follow no religion as well as those who follow "new age" religions. We talk about what we believe and get along great! It keeps me grounded in my faith and open to others.

[In2why]

In our town there is only one major homeschooling group, and the only way you can join for support, and opportunities for your children is if you are a Christian. They even kicked out a Mormon family because they weren't the right kind of Christian.

 

It makes it tough, because almost everything in the community springs from their group. If you sign up for something and you are not part of their group, it can get uncomfortable. We take homeschool swim lessons through a public Gym, and I have struck up conversations with a couple of moms, but of course they tell me about their group and it comes up that we are secular and it is like I farted in public.

 

The sad/ironic thing is that I consider myself a Christian since I believe that Jesus is my savior and path to God, but I am not fundamentalist, and I find myself knowing deep in my bones that I do NOT want what they have, or their brand of Christianity based on their actions. I am searching for a home church, for spiritual growth and support, but they are a walking advertisement for what I don't want in a church family.