s/o: if you have bought a house, did parents help you?

[cathmom]

If you and your spouse have ever bought a house, did your parents or your spouse's parents help you to?

[amy g.]

We helped ourselves.

[DawnM]

My dad gave us $12K as a down payment. I didn't ask for it or expect it and I actually tried to turn it down, but he was insistent. Since we bought a fixer and fixed it up and made a sizable profit, he was very pleased with his investment. We have since fixed up 2 more houses and are on our 3rd. It is a bit of a 2nd income for us.

 

We have tried to pay him back but he won't take it.

 

Dawn

[ThatCyndiGirl]

no

[cathmom]

Finally got the poll right LOL! Please vote on the poll! I didn't realize that it posted before I got the poll done.

[Alenee]

We were able to put our down payment on our first house because dh's father died and left us an inheritance. We sold that at a good price and bought the next one on our own. We wanted to move to the country for a while but knew our house wouldn't sell high enough. Then my grandmother died leaving me an inheritance so we sold and added her money to our down for this house. But no one living handed us any money.

 

Honestly, with the way most people live these days, spending more than they make, and with the housing prices being what they've been, I don't understand how most can do it w/o someone's help or a sub-prime loan. That's not to say that there *should* be help...

[Hillary in KS]

No. We worked hard and waited until we could do it on our own. If you can't purchase a house without help, you probably shouldn't purchase a house.

[Pamela H in Texas]

My parents loaned us $1000 we were expected to get back at closing. It was $1000 we weren't aware was going to be asked for so were not prepared for.

[AHASRADA]

Yes, my parents gave us $20k for a downpayment. This was back in 1998, when it was highly adviseable to invest in a home as the primary nestegg of a family's future.

 

This was something they wanted to do to launch us on the road to a stable adulthood, and as their only child, they were able to do so.

 

I also chose to have a very small wedding that only cost about $2k. Likely, if they had paid for a $20k wedding, the downpayment would not have been so enthusiastically forthcoming. This is an important point for families to discuss when marriage and home purchases become imminent.

[Brindee]

We did it ourselves. We have good credit, thanks to dh's conscientiousness, and we were able to get a good house, at a price that we could afford with just his income. The banks were willing to lend us more, but we kept it as low as possible to get a good house in a good neighborhood within our REAL means to pay off the loan. It's harder now with one in college and one in a Christian school, but we're squeaking by. DS18 had to take out loans to help pay his college bill, since we just couldn't pay much!

[HRAAB]

My in-laws helped my dh buy his first home by loaning him $10,000. which he paid back with interest. It was part of their retirement, and they needed the interest payment each month. He paid that off entirely before we married. Other than that, we have not had any help from our parents.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

Yes, we had help. My dad made me a loan when I bought my first condo, on my own. I hadn't been working long enough to have a down payment, so he loaned it. I repaid him and the mortgage all on my own.

Then futureDH and I bought a house before we were able to accumulate the down payment for the house (the condo sold way faster than planned! We were cut 'with our pants down' :001_smile: ) Dad once again loaned the down payment (I took a small loss on the condo, but it was at a time where the losses were big for everyone.)

 

Each time we repaid my dad to the penny.

[Crimson Wife]

My parents loaned us the difference between the 15% down payment we had saved and the 20% the lender wanted. We had been told informally by DH's employer that he was in line to receive an end-of-year bonus but we didn't know how much it was going to be so we it didn't count towards qualifying for the mortgage. We talked about delaying our purchase but my parents stepped in with the bridge loan. The bonus came in a few weeks after we closed and we turned around & re-paid my parents.

[Ferdie]

I voted other because my parents did not help us financially, but they helped out in other ways. They went with us to look at the houses we were interested in to give us their opinion. They help us move and helped us paint the interior. A year later they even showed up to help us sand and paint the exterior of our house. What great parents!

[Janet in WA]

I voted "no". Quite honestly, we've always felt that if we couldn't afford the house on our own, we couldn't afford to buy it. After nearly 35 years of home ownership (several different homes), I believe that more than ever.

 

By the way, as a realtor, I can report that lenders feel that way too. Especially in today's market.

[Barb_]

No. We worked hard and waited until we could do it on our own. If you can't purchase a house without help, you probably shouldn't purchase a house.

 

My grandparents lent us about $5K. We could afford the down payment and the monthly payment but not the closing costs. They lent us the money and we repaid them with interest over 2-3 years, I don't remember. It was a wise thing to do at the time because at that time, new homes greatly outnumbered rental properties. Our morgatge on our 1500sqft 3br was cheaper than rent on a 2br 1050sqft apartment.

 

Blanket statements like the one above really aren't helpful or necessary.

 

Barb

[delaney]

kind of....we lived with them for like $200 per month to save money for down payments.

[Mejane]

Our first house was new, so dh's parents bought us the fridge and my parents bought us the w/d. The down payment, and all subsequent ones, were on us. :)

[Tap]

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

 

Nope.

 

Dh and I married when we were 22 and bought our first house the same year. We did it on our own.

 

 

We lived in our first house 7 years. My parents only came to my house, maybe, 4 times even though they only lived 15 minutes away and we got along fine, it was just not a big deal to them.

Edited April 25, 2010 by Tap, tap, tap

[melissel]

We had the money we needed, but our bank wanted us to have a certain amount of cushion in our account over and above our upfront costs. My parents loaned us the money to keep in our account for that cushion, and then when everything was closed and done, they didn't want it back (and still don't). I still plan to pay them back eventually, though, whether they want it or not!

[Lolly]

Well, we purchased it FROM them for a ridiculously low price. It is the home dh grew up in.

[FeFe]

I voted other and here's why:

 

We were not in the position credit-wise or financially to by a home 11 years ago. My parents (who owned their own home) bought a house for us. It was a fixer-upper on 5 acres. We lived in the house, made the actual payments and made improvements as we could. After living there for 3 years my parents decided to downsize with retirement in mind and they built a small house on the 5 acres.

 

Fast forward a few more years and you find my husband with a promotion offer. The catch was that it was 11 hours away but there was a significant pay increase. He would also be able to be at home more often.

 

It was a tough decision because though the offer was excellent for our family, there was a lot of worry over what taking on our house payment (however, low) would do to my parents. Not to mention the upkeep of 5 acres. My parents assured us that they could handle it and off we went.

 

Now, we've been here 2 years and have bought a house of our own with no help. We are much better off financially but sometimes I wonder about my parents. They have always been of the frugal mindset and are very good with their money. But it still weighs on my mind. They could rent out the house or sell the entire place but have chose not to thus far.

 

I wish they had never done it for us, that we had never taken it. And I wouldn't help out my children to that capacity. Too many things change and it's not worth the guilt I feel now. I have to say that my parents have been nothing but supportive of us. I hope that one day we will be at the point that we can afford to contribute regularly to their payments if they decide to not sell the property.

[myfatherslily]

Other - more than that! They gave us an acre of land then helped us build a house on it! More accurately, WE helped THEM build a house on it, cause they were the ones who knew what they were doing!

 

We could have purchased a fine house without they're help, but it would have been either smaller or of lesser quality.

[OnTheBrink]

My dad lent me the down payment for this house, but I was waiting on my divorce settlement, so I knew he'd have the money back within a few months. Otherwise, I'd have never asked.

[LibraryLover]

Yes. My Inlaws gave money for a down payment, although we dd not ask. We weren't looking for a house, and we had no idea they had the money to give. One day they said "We have gift for you when are ready to buy a house". I couldn't imagine a kinder, more helpful gesture for a couple expecting their first baby. Two of our children were born in that home. :) They are incredible people. May my FIL RIP.

 

Dh & I have talked about what an amazing feeling it was for something like that to happen for us at the time it happened. We don't know if we will be able to do this for our own children, given the economy and the state of Wall Street. But to have our children feel what we felt...well, we hope we can somehow do something for them that comes close. I would feel giddy if I could help this way some day.

 

We also know a couple whose parents moved to North Carolina to retire, and sold the family home to their son for $1.

Edited April 25, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Tree House Academy]

On my very first home with my ex husband, his dad gave us 2K for a downpayment which we gave back to him when we sold the house. The other two houses I have owned, no one "helped" except the bank! LOL

[Pixie]

dh's parent gave us the down payment for the house. This is something they have done for their 3 sons. It allowed us to buy the house as soon as dh got his first teaching. His salary was plenty enough to afford the mortgage but we had no down payment saved after years of him being in grad school, working on his doctorate. Dh's parents also helped us during the grad school years, and I will be forever grateful for that because we could have never made it otherwise. They loaned us large sums of money that we repaid once dh got his first job.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

No.

Edited April 25, 2010 by The Dragon Academy

[TravelingChris]

Not only did neither of our parents help with our first house (both of mine were deceased by then) but they didn't help with our wedding either. But my mom was a widow with a terminal disease so we expected nothing and my in-laws were lower middle income but were horrible money managers so we expected nothing there either. Our houses were both with VA loans so no money down either time.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I voted other. My ILs bought a rental house with us. They paid the down payment but then we put in tons of sweat equity to fix it up and to rent it out. Many years down the road, we were able to sell that house for a good profit. We used that money as a down-payment on our own home.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

We bought both houses our selves. No help. Just worked hard, saved money and lived frugally to save. We did not buy above what we could afford (that showed in our first house :glare:) Our second house, the house we are living in now is nice, but needs some work done to it .We are working on that and will be worth well over what we paid for it! (We do not plan on moving atleast for a few years though if we can tolerate the neighbor behind us for that long :001_huh:

[cathmom]

No, DH and I worked for our home.

 

That's just unnecessary. I haven't seen anybody post that their parents bought them a home outright.

[Renthead Mommy]

I voted other. We actually ended up helping my mom.

 

We got married and moved down to NC in with her till we found somewhere else to live. Within a few months she moved in with her eventual husband. We were renting the house from her. She needed to sell it, so we bought it, as is. She didn't have the money or the time to fix it up and make it sellable.

 

So no, they didn't help. We did get the house cheaper than if we'd gone out and bought a different one, but we weren't looking for one and did it to help her out. But even if this wasn't the situation, no we would not have gotten any help and wouldn't have ever thougth to ask.

Edited April 25, 2010 by Renthead Mommy

[hsmamainva]

We've been married for over 20 years...and we had a very small ceremony and I wore a store-bought dress (very pretty, but not a 'wedding dress') and our reception was at my in-laws' house.

 

We took our honeymoon at a beach town a 2 hour drive away.

 

So...because the wedding cost us very little .. and we paid for it all ourselves, my parents and his parents, together, gave us the $10,000 down payment on our first home as a wedding present.

 

I've told our oldest daughter to think about doing the same thing! I can't see the point in spending tens of thousands of dollars on a single day, no matter how beautiful it may be.

Edited April 25, 2010 by hsmamainva

[Laurie4b]

Yes. My sister had had a big wedding (and my Dad likes to keep things even and a wedding wasn't on the horizon for me) so my Dad gave me a similar amount for a down payment on a house -- $5000. I was a single woman and it was very helpful to me and very healthy for me to have my own house. I am very glad that he offered that.

 

And I had a beautiful but inexpensive wedding a few years later.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

That's just unnecessary. I haven't seen anybody post that their parents bought them a home outright.

 

You don't need to be so sensitive. All I meant was nobody helped us.

Edited April 25, 2010 by The Dragon Academy

[lulubelle]

When my grandmother went into a nursing home - I jumped at the opportunity to live in her house so we could save for a down payment on a house. If this did not happen we may have never been able to buy a house. We lived in my grandmother's house for 2 years paying only utilities.

[Dobela]

We currently live in/rent a home owned by my parents. The original plan was for us to buy it from them after 2 years, but I had unexpected very expensive health problems and didn't. We have been here about 7 years and now looking for our first home elsewhere because the neighborhood has seriously deteriorated. My dad has offered us $20K to use for closing, or to get us in a better house than we could otherwise afford, or to lower our payments, or for repairs. We have refused the money (mostly due to difficulties between my mother and myself) and it has really hurt my dad's feelings because he apparently saved this money just for this use from his other investments. We have refused repeatedly and he continues to offer it.

 

I think it is a great gift for those who receive it. And to offer to someone else. And, I don't think a wedding cost should have anything to do with it either.

[Gratia271]

That's just unnecessary. I haven't seen anybody post that their parents bought them a home outright.

 

I don't think Dragon Academy meant anything more than that she and her husband worked hard for what they have. All of her posts that I have read display the best of intentions.

 

Some people carry the weight of life on their own shoulders, and others have help along the way! I was handed a lot and supported through college by my parents, and my husband had to work for every little thing he had. He was forced out at 18 to make it on his own. He worked full-time waiting tables to get through college debt free and has given me and our children an incredible life. Though he won't talk about, I will. I am proud of his diligence notwithstanding a total lack of support from others. That doesn't mean that getting started with some help wouldn't have been nice. :001_smile:

[Sasharowan]

My parents helped out with moving costs (Uhaul) and watching ds14 who was 3 at the time. THey also did a lot of the moving and cleaning since I was 8 mos. pg and not supposed to do a lot. All closing costs were rolled into the mortgage, so that wasn't an issue.

[Mrs Mungo]

It wouldn't have occurred to us to ask our parents for help, honestly. But, we had been married for almost 10 years before we lived in a place where we had the opportunity to buy a house. We had to live on post the first place we lived (too far away from a town), we only lived in VA for 6 months, we lived in housing in Germany because they had too much housing at that time and you couldn't live off-post, North Carolina was the first place it was possible.

[runamuk]

We bought our first house on our own.

[Audrey]

If you and your spouse have ever bought a house, did your parents or your spouse's parents help you to?

 

No, and I find it a disturbing trend that parents pay for or partially pay for their adult children's homes. Even more disturbing is that this trend seems to have bred a sense of entitlement to such a thing in a good portion of a generation (or two?).

[Gratia271]

I forgot to state that I chose no.

[Jean in Newcastle]

No, and I find it a disturbing trend that parents pay for or partially pay for their adult children's homes. Even more disturbing is that this trend seems to have bred a sense of entitlement to such a thing in a good portion of a generation (or two?).

 

Actually, when my ILs first called us to say that they wanted to buy a rental house with us, I was a bit dismayed. I was dismayed because I wasn't sure we were ready financially to pay for the renovations that needed to be made, and the taxes and what if we couldn't rent it right away etc. But it turned out to be a grace gift to us. We did not ask for them to do so and never had a sense of entitlement. But I know that my ILs, who are first generation immigrants, have a profound sense of helping family to succeed. And I am so grateful for that. And we worked darn hard for our portion of things. For awhile, I would tote my infant over there and while he played happily or napped, I worked 10 hour days spackling, painting and doing landscaping. It was a leg up, not a hand out.

[Jen500]

No, and I find it a disturbing trend that parents pay for or partially pay for their adult children's homes. Even more disturbing is that this trend seems to have bred a sense of entitlement to such a thing in a good portion of a generation (or two?).

 

But some families have enough wealth that 'sharing' is not a hardship for them at all, and it gives them pleasure to share with other family members.

[cathmom]

You don't need to be so sensitive. All I meant was nobody helped us.

 

Thank you - I appreciate your editing that. I took it to mean that people whose parents had helped them did not work for their houses.

 

I don't think Dragon Academy meant anything more than that she and her husband worked hard for what they have. All of her posts that I have read display the best of intentions.

 

 

 

Thank you - I should assume positive intentions.

 

We bought our first house on our own.

 

This may be a better way to word the same idea.

[Denisemomof4]

not only did they not help us out (but would have if we needed/ask for it) but I told dh that if we ever got to the point that we couldn't make our payments on our own, I wouldn't want to keep the house. My sister and her husband were always going to my parents for money and it always irked me, especially since they were huge spenders and totally irresponsible with their money.

[cjbeach]

No and I couldn't imagine asking or taking a large sum of money knowing their golden years are here or coming.

 

I saw my parents do without to help my brothers, meanwhile my parents had no income other than pension and SS. I felt like screaming "Save it, you're going to need it!" And a time came when they DID need it but had spent down their savings (to my brothers). The golden years aren't so golden when you have an unexpected health problem and large pharmacy bills.

Edited April 25, 2010 by cjbeach

[bettyandbob]

My parents gave each of my siblings some money for a down payment. When we purchased our home we made sure the payment was one we could afford on one income. I actually never anticipated living on one income, it just seemed like the smart thing to do. Each of us has "moved up" from that first house. My brother bought a larger, fancier place in a more prestigious neighborhood. He has a large income and this was easy for him to do when the time was right for his family. Dh and I bought a slightly larger home in the same neighborhood--it works for us, especially since I stopped working and his income has decreased (not what we planned, but glad we could handle it).

 

My big sis, an accountant, has always wanted more materially. She and her husband didn't have anymore savings when they decided to move. She quickly accepted a huge gift from my grandma (50K) and bought the really big house and yard she wanted. Then she was surprised when grandma asked what room would be hers for her frequent visits. (Grandma, while I loved her, was an incredibly difficult person to be around and not someone you'd want visiting and staying in your house for any amount of time.) My brother and I were as surprised that big sis didn't see that coming. Grandma asked me if I wanted a similar gift because she felt my home wasn't nice enough--I declined. My brother told grandma she really needed to keep her money for herself and use it all to take care of herself well.

 

I don't think it's bad to give a child money towards a down payment if you can afford it. I think my brother and I both made sound decisions with the money our parents gave us. We bought homes with mortgages that were well within comfortable for us to afford. It is truly amazing the difference between what a bank may say you can afford and what is comfortable. Even with more restrictions today, banks don't account for commuting costs, daycare costs (if the loan is based on 2 incomes) and other things that are a part of having the job that pays the mortgage. My sister and her husband have never been in financial need, so I guess they are ok too. My grandma died 8 years ago.

 

It is unlikely I will do the same for my dc. I have one child who will always be supported by me. I'm seeking full time employment now because our financial situation turned in a direction we didn't anticipate. We can afford everything we need, but better employment now will mean funding education for my older dc, support for our youngest and maybe retirement (probably not before it's physically necessary).