How do you feel about children in your bed?

[jewellsmommy]

How do you feel about your children in your bed? Do you tolerate your children coming into your bed in the night if they desire? Do you take a hardline at a certain age. Does anyone here do the "family bed" thing. I'll admit, I don't know much about the family bed thing.

 

I only have the one dd. She has always been one to like getting in our bed. Both my dh and I are very tolerant of it. She just had surgery last thurs. and has since been in a separate bed in our room (we have a very large bedroom). DH and I still manage to find "our time" so it does not interfere with our marriage in any way. However, my friend is quite anti-kid-in-the bed. So, I'm just curious if there is any support for this sort of behavior or reasons why it is bad.

[Lovedtodeath]

Look at attachment parenting and you will find many people with kids in their bed. They usually choose to have their own room between the ages of 7 and 10.

 

Negative results are proported to be lack of time together as a couple, and children who feel that there are no boundaries.

 

When they are babies, studies have shown health benefits to sleeping in the same room.

[Tangerine]

Both slept with us as babies. Now my 3 year old DS and my 5 year old DD sleep in a bed together, and the 3 year old almost always joins us in the middle of the night. It was all a pretty natural evolution to the current situation. I love how things were, are now, and I'll be fine if they change.

[Joy at Home]

My girls are usually in our bed. We have a pretty liberal bed policy, not so much by choice but because I just want sleep. Our 3 year old sleeps in our bed all the time, but the the 5 and 8 year old I have at least go to sleep in their bed, then if they come into my bed at night I don't mind.

 

I don't feel like I need those boundaries, and usually welcome them in my bed as long as I have room to sleep. As babies they always slept in my bed, which I loved. Nothing better for the soul than a baby breath while they're sleeping . . .

 

Blessings,

Lisa

[swellmomma]

My bed is mostly open. The littles sleep in my bed until age 3 when I transition them to their own bed. After that they are all welcome to come in for a snuggle if they are sick or had a nightmare, but from that point on I tell them they can't start the night in my bed. DS11 only comes in for a snuggle now and then, dd10 rarely comes in, and ds6 is down to maybe 1-2 times a week. They all move on to their own beds as they are ready and reduce how often they need me in the night on their own as they age. I don't have a spouse to worry about so I don't care how often or how old they are when they want to climb in, if I had a spouse once they hit 3 I would of course decide with him if firmer boundries were felt to be needed.

[Shawna in Texas]

My now 11 yo slept with us until she was probably 4. After that she always crawled into bed with me early in the morning when DH left for work. When he worked nights periodically, she would sleep with me. When she hit 7 she pretty much stayed in her room and in her bed.

 

When the baby was born (she was 9), she moved a small mattress into our room so she could sleep in the same room as the baby. That lasted a few months. She's been in her own bed since. The baby is now 2 and still sleeps with us. We're going to get the girls a queen so that they can sleep together soon, though.

 

I never saw it as deliberately doing the family bed thing. I saw it as a way to get more sleep. I sleep better with my babies beside me.

[Jennifer in MI]

I love it!!! My oldest slept with us from day one only because he would.not.sleep.alone.period. Ack!!! But, we ended up loving it SO much!! At the end of the day, after he had fallen asleep, he was SO cute and could be forgiven for anything that he had done during the day.

 

My second son was born. We had a second bed next to ours for the oldest. The youngest slept in the big bed with us.

 

Then, we had a third. We ALL fit into one room full of beds! It's some of my happiest memories.

 

Then, we moved and there was a cute kids' room in the new house. ALL the boys slept there all night the first night. I was SO sad and lonely!!! But, it was good. They were ready.

 

Now, my dd sleeps with us still. She has her own room, but dh sleeps there more than she does (when he snores). I love it and so does she.

 

The boys are all in one room. They wanted it that way.

 

PS We still sleep with the boys when they are sick. Including the 13 yo!!

[BamaTanya]

Now that they're all past that, we have 3 boys in one room (usually they sleep together in the full-sized bunk on the bottom) and 2 girls in the other (usually on one of their twin beds). If someone is sick or worried or awakens in the middle of the night, they're usually welcome to come snuggle with us. Unless the number grows so we don't fit, lol. One or two, OK. After that: "You guys go get back in your beds. I can't MOVE." :001_smile:

We joke that we should have spent less on our house -- we really only needed one bedroom -- but splurged on a room-sized bed. :lol:

Our children would have been happy in the Little House in the Big Woods.

[myfunnybunch]

We co-slept with our children when they were infants and toddlers. Now that they're a little older the boys share a room, girls each have their own room. The boys still climb into bed with us if they wake up in the night or have a bad dream, but that's becoming rarer and rarer. I kind of miss the days when we'd wake up with a bed full of boys.

 

There are many anti-bed-sharing folk who can tell you all the reasons it's an awful thing to allow, and all of the damage it can do to children. There are many pro-bed-sharing folk who can tell you all the reasons it's wonderful to bed-share, and can tell you all the amazing benefits it has for children. I'm sure you can find reams of support or arguments against. But if it works for your family and you all get enough sleep it's just fine. Either way. :)

 

Cat

[lauracolumbus]

We co-slept when all 3 were young and eventually transitioned them out. I still lie down w/dd6 every night in her bed to get her to sleep, and she'll come into our room and I'll let her stay b/c she's not a kicker. Ds11 occasionally comes in our room and knows to sleep on dh's side b/c I'll evict him (he's a kicker). dd9 never comes in our room.

 

It's funny that ppl worry about intimate time w/dh as if the bedroom is the only place that can happen. Not that we're swinging from the chandelier or anything.

 

Laura

[Jumping In Puddles]

I love it! My dh does not.

 

My dd came into my bed last night around 3am. She is just so cuddly and warm... I was happy she came in! Then around 6am she was sound asleep and blurted out "hi! pthhhhh" (blew out a big raspberry) :lol: I wonder what she was dreaming about and who was on the other end of that raspberry.

[Nakia]

We are co-sleepers as well, as least until the age of 12-18 months. Around that age, we started transitioning them to a crib or toddler bed. But our kids still spend a lot of time in our bed, especially Cora.

[jplain]

We love it. Neither DH or I have had any regrets.

We can't imagine not letting our children sleep near us.

 

We have a huge sleeping area: an extra long twin mattress (for DD1) up against a king (for me and DH), which is up against a full-size futon mattress (for DD2). Making it even more radical, all three mattresses are on the floor. My younger one started walking at 7.5 months, and jumping soon followed. You really can't reason with an 8 month old, so we decided it was safer to put the mattresses on the floor until she developed a healthy fear of heights. Now that we've gotten used it, we prefer them on the floor and don't have plans to put them back up anytime soon.

 

My almost 6 year old moved to her own room about a year ago, but she knows that she is welcome to come back to her spot in our room at any time and for any reason. This week she decided to sleep in our room for the first time in several months because she's had a stomach bug, and (I think) also because she misses her dad, who is away on a business trip.

 

The 3 year old sleeps on a mattress next to mine. She knows that she's welcome to move into her sister's room at any time, but she hasn't shown any interest yet. I'm in no hurry for her to move, because I worry that they'll keep each other from falling asleep once they're in the same room. She sleeps through the night, no problem. In the morning she moves over to my mattress to snuggle, which has got to be the sweetest way to wake up. :D

[Rosie_0801]

At the moment I'm in bed with dd2, and dh is on the sofa. Ds (7months) usually spends a quarter of the night in his cot in my room, a quarter in bed with me, and the rest of the night on the couch with dh. Funnily enough, the only person completely happy with this arrangement is dd :)

We'll probably be moving at the end of the year, or early next year and the kids will be out of our room. Dd is a lot better behaved during the day if she co-sleeps with me, but poor dh does deserve a spot in his own bed. I'm thinking of putting the kids in a cot together. Not sure yet. I wish we could afford to get futons, then it wouldn't matter where people wanted to sleep, there'd be enough room for it!

 

Rosie

Edited September 15, 2009 by Rosie_0801

[Desert Rat]

We co-slept when they were babies. They moved to their own beds around 2 or so. But they still came into our beds sometime in the middle of the night nearly every night until they were 5 or so. We have a king size bed and I would sleep in between dh and the kids so that he could get a good night's sleep to go off to work the next day. I noticed Huck start tapering off around 7 or so. He never comes into our bed anymore; he turned 9 in May. Tom still joins us maybe 2 nights a week. He's 6.5. I know it won't be long before he too isn't coming in anymore. It's bittersweet for me.

I figure as long as they gain independence at appropriate times in their lives, I prefer to let them set the pace. I was like this with weening and potty training too. (I may have encouraged more with potty training though because they were both reluctant.)

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The OP's friend is entitled to hers as long as she understands that OP is entitled to hers as well.

[lionfamily1999]

We sleep in a double, so there's not enough room for a family bed, although we both deeply considered it.

 

Dh lost a cousin to SIDS and when our babies were born he was MORE paranoid about them than I was (can you imagine?!?). I wanted the babies in bed with us, because it was easier (I bfed, so I wouldn't have to get up at night). He wanted them with us so he could moniter every breath. Once older ds reached about three he became a bed hog and I decided he needed to learn to sleep alone. Our youngest, though, chose to sleep alone from the moment he could make his intentions clear.

 

Both still crawl into bed with us every once in awhile. For the most part, we don't mind, but there are some nights when it really ruins our sleep.

 

I don't see that it has any long lasting effect. I crawled into my parents' bed whenever I had nightmares and I'm totally normal ;) :lol:

[jewellsmommy]

We co-slept with our children when they were infants and toddlers. Now that they're a little older the boys share a room, girls each have their own room. The boys still climb into bed with us if they wake up in the night or have a bad dream, but that's becoming rarer and rarer. I kind of miss the days when we'd wake up with a bed full of boys.

 

There are many anti-bed-sharing folk who can tell you all the reasons it's an awful thing to allow, and all of the damage it can do to children. There are many pro-bed-sharing folk who can tell you all the reasons it's wonderful to bed-share, and can tell you all the amazing benefits it has for children. I'm sure you can find reams of support or arguments against. But if it works for your family and you all get enough sleep it's just fine. Either way. :)

 

Cat

 

 

 

Thank you so much. I feel much less unusual now!

[jewellsmommy]

We co-slept when all 3 were young and eventually transitioned them out. I still lie down w/dd6 every night in her bed to get her to sleep, and she'll come into our room and I'll let her stay b/c she's not a kicker. Ds11 occasionally comes in our room and knows to sleep on dh's side b/c I'll evict him (he's a kicker). dd9 never comes in our room.

 

It's funny that ppl worry about intimate time w/dh as if the bedroom is the only place that can happen. Not that we're swinging from the chandelier or anything.

 

Laura

 

 

I know, right! We don't even have a chandelier! Just kidding...it is better to be creative anyway.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

We play musical beds! We start off with making the kids sleep in their own beds (a double/double bunk), but younger ds usually wants dad to lie there with him until he falls asleep. I usually start out sleeping in my and dh's bed, but go to the guest bed when the snoring gets out of control. I often wake up in the morning to find one or both of the boys in the big bed with Daddy. Sometimes, one will come in with me in the twin guest bed.

[Wyndie]

We've always let the kids in our bed. My dh recently gained weight making it so the big kids don't fit in the bed with us anymore, so we put a mattress on the floor and they can come sleep there if they want. The little one routinely sneaks in the bed with us at night and if dh has to work the next day, I scootch her over to the end of the bed (so I'm between dh and her) b/c she's a kicker and it bothers him. It doesnt' wake me up at all so there's a bed rail on my side of the bed and she sleeps just fine there. If dh does not have to work, she sleeps between us both and it works fine.

[Mrs Mungo]

My kids all slept through the night by the time they were about a year old. I mainly had them in my bed when it facilitated breastfeeding. Once they were sleeping through the night they slept on their own, without a problem. On the occasions they came into my room after around 2 years old I let them sleep on a pallet in the floor. When my husband isn't here I will sometimes let them come in my bed because I think they need the extra security sometimes.

[mommylawyer]

We co-sleep with our babies from birth until they are about a year old, then I transition them out. Beginning at 12 mos, I put baby on a mattress by my side of the bed - completely blocked in so baby can't roll or wander away. At 15 months, we put a toddler bed in our room. At 18 months, baby is transitioned to a bedroom and into a full-size bed complete with bed rails. By 2 years old, that child is no longer allowed to come into our room during the night (which happens almost every night up to that point). It takes about 2-3 nights for the message to get through that the 2 year old is no longer allowed to sleep in mommy and daddy's bed.

 

I want to state that the age difference between my first two children is 2 years and between my next two children is 2 years - we had to transition one child out before the next baby was born.

 

My children are always allowed to come into our bed around wake up time - that's my favorite family cuddle time.

[CatMomof3]

All my kids slept with us until they were about 18mo. Then they got their own big beds. My youngest joins my dh and I around midnight. My dh joins me and dd at 4 (when dh is up and getting ready for work). My oldest dd, will have bad dreams sometimes and our bed is always open.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

How do you feel about your children in your bed? Do you tolerate your children coming into your bed in the night if they desire? Do you take a hardline at a certain age. Does anyone here do the "family bed" thing. I'll admit, I don't know much about the family bed thing.

 

I only have the one dd. She has always been one to like getting in our bed. Both my dh and I are very tolerant of it. She just had surgery last thurs. and has since been in a separate bed in our room (we have a very large bedroom). DH and I still manage to find "our time" so it does not interfere with our marriage in any way. However, my friend is quite anti-kid-in-the bed. So, I'm just curious if there is any support for this sort of behavior or reasons why it is bad.

 

I support it. I think that if it helps my little one feel more secure, then it is a good thing:). He slept in a cradle at our bedside for about 3-4 months, then a crib in our room for about another 6-9 months (my memory is fuzzy;)), then a crib in his room near our room. Since then, if he comes into bed we let him stay 99% of the time unless dh has to get up really early. It has worked well for us:).

[Lilymax]

I guess I'm the odd one out, but we have a house rule that everyone sleeps in their own beds.

 

I co-sleep for the first few months, when the baby needs to nurse every couple hours. After that I start transitioning them to their own bed in their own room.

 

Neither I nor DH sleep well with a child in our bed. We've done it on rare occasions, like on vacation, etc. but I just sleep too lightly to have them there. All their wiggles, snorts, etc. wake me up...so having them in the same room doesn't help, either.

 

Truth be told, the longer I'm married, the more I realize why many old folks end up in separate bedrooms. ;) The best sleep I get on any given night is the couple hours after DH gets up for work and I have the bedroom to myself! When he travels or I go somewhere alone, I sleep SO much better!

 

We have a queen-sized bed and I'm hoping to move up to a king-size soon. Maybe with more space between us I'll be able to rest better when he's there.

[Mandy in TN]

My oldest pretty much slept with me until he was 2.5yo when 2nd ds was born. Then, I ended up on a double mattress on the floor with both boys for about a year. Then, at some point they transitioned to sort of sleeping together. Middle ds would still come to me in the night regularly all through kindergarten. In first grade when he was 7yo he transitioned naturally to his own room.

 

This did not begin as a planned attachment parenting thing. It was stressful and sleepless. I don't sleep much. Oldest ds doesn't sleep much. Middle ds was a projectile vomiting, colic baby. However, xh was one of those people who needed more than 8hrs sleep. It ended up this way, so that xh could sleep. He didn't want me away. He didn't want them with us. It was an uneasy, unhappy arrangement, but I did learn that liked sleeping near my children.

 

OTOH, when dh and I started talking about marriage, I asked him where babies sleep. He immediately responded that they sleep with their parents- right answer :D. Our little doodle bug will be 7yo this fall and he is beginning to naturally transition to the bed in his room.

 

My personal opinion would be that whatever arrangement works for your family is what you should do!

 

HTH-

Mandy

[ChristusG]

There's nothing better than cuddling with my sleeping children. We co-sleep. I have our 5 year old and 2 year old still sleeping with us. We're about to change bedrooms though, which will require a smaller bed....so I'm a little stumped about what to do. I'm wondering if we can fit a full size bed in our room along with us. Then DD5 can sleep on that and DD2 can still sleep with us.

[petepie2]

We don't really like the kids in our bed. I particularly don't sleep well with a baby in the bed. However, I don't sleep at all with a baby screaming and crying! So, for my first two children they did spend a good bit of time (3 months for my dd and 7 months for my ds) in our bed as babies. It was just easier to nurse them in the bed, let them fall asleep, and then not disturb them. You do what you have to do. For my ds, we would put him to bed in a cosleeper attached to our bed. But then when we came to bed a few hours later, he would ALWAYS wake up within 5 minutes. So, at 7 months, I moved him to his crib in the nursery and he slept through the night. Both of them have been in their own beds ever since except for some isolated incidents.

 

Our third child (ds) slept like a dream. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 7 months or so, but he would sleep in the cosleeper. He would wake up to nurse every 3 hours or so, and then I could just put him back in the cosleeper and he would go back to sleep. It was WONDERFUL! Once he was sleeping through the night, we moved him to the crib and that's where he is now.

 

All three of our children are good sleepers. One will occasionally end up in our bed, but it doesn't happen often. As a matter of fact, just the other night our dd woke up crying. She was inconsolable. I have no idea what was wrong, but she calmed down once we offered to bring her to our bed. Of course, in the course of her screaming, she had awakened her brother (they share a room). So then he started crying because his sister wasn't in her bed. In the end, she remained in our bed a total of 3 minutes and then said she was ready to go back to her own bed because of her brother. The family was then able to sleep peacefully the rest of the night.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Mine all spent time in our bed in varying degrees. With my first, dh would bring him to me to feed him. Ds and I would fall asleep and then dh, who then could not sleep with the baby in the bed, would move him back to the crib. My second hardly ever slept in his crib. We tried, but when the crying turned to vomiting within a few seconds, we decided that the family bed is how we would all get some sleep. We transitioned into a big boy bed in his brother's room when he was 20 months or so? With my last, we never bothered with a crib. She slept with us much longer. When she was 3, we made a big deal of decorating her room and getting her a big girl bed. However, she usually crawled in with us at some point in the night. I was usually unaware until I would find myself a little squished. Sometimes I moved her back to her bed. Many times, I was just too tired. We started to being more firm about at around age 5. If one of us is sleeping in, she will crawl in for a good snuggle. She is 9 and still loves to snuggle.

 

I think the best place for a baby to sleep is where everyone gets the most rest:).

[IsabelC]

We had our first child in our bed on and off, he alternated between bed, crib in our room, cot in our room, then progressed to cot in his room, bed in his room but with me lying next to him and finally bed in his room on his own at age 2.

 

Second child slept in our bed until about 12 months, then cot in our room, then straight into bed in her room (she hated the cot in her room) at just under 2.

 

Third baby is 13 months and has only ever slept in our bed. She will be staying there until she asks for her own room.

 

I'm reasonably happy with the way things worked out, but if were to start over we'd definitely go for the family bed instead. I would love to have had the older children in with us until they were ready to move out, especially ds who was really not ready and would have benefited from not being shoved out of the way ready for his sister's arrival.

Edited September 16, 2009 by Hotdrink

[joannqn]

All of our kids have slept in our bed until they are about two. The only reason they have been moved out is because we had another baby. When we transition them to their own bed, one of us (usually DH) sleeps with them until they are comfortable with their own bed and not waking up crying in the middle of the night.

 

We play musical beds on occasion just for fun. On those nights, one kid will sleep with me in our bed and other two (baby doesn't count yet) camp out with DH on the living room floor. Sometimes they make a fort under the school room table to sleep in.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

 

Neither I nor DH sleep well with a child in our bed. We've done it on rare occasions, like on vacation, etc. but I just sleep too lightly to have them there. All their wiggles, snorts, etc. wake me up...so having them in the same room doesn't help, either.

 

 

 

I do have to agree it is more difficult sleeping when my ds is in our bed;)

[Denisemomof4]

this is something I really, really wanted to work, especially with my youngest daughter. Unfortunately, I just could NOT sleep with the kids kicking around in bed, and sleep deprivation causes migraines. :( For what ever reason, ALL our kids were extremely restless sleepers when younger, especially my youngest.

 

Instead, sometimes dh will sleep in another room so my older dd can sleep with me. My youngest sleeps in our room often and sleeps right on the floor next to me. I just love waking to her smiling face and her tiny little Chinese eyes. Warms my heart. :001_smile:

 

I tried so many times but ended up with little sleep and usually a throbbing migraine. :(

[littlebug42]

We have never been co-sleepers really. When my babes were newborns, I slept on the couch with them in the bassinet next to me but after about 6 weeks, they went into their own rooms. I could not sleep a wink with them in my room. I would wake up at every grunt and I just could no longer function on any human level. My oldest would not sleep with us ever. I tried a few times as an infant to just pull her into bed with us and she would not sleep. My youngest daughter was in leg casts on and off throughout her infancy and a few rounds of a plaster cast or a metal brace in the kidney in the middle of the night stopped that as well. On occasion, they will sleep with me when sick and when on vacation but that is it.

[staceyobu]

I find it tolerable but annoying. ;) Unless it's my four month old. She doesn't kick enough in her sleep to annoy me yet!

[Heather in Neverland]

I love it!!! My oldest slept with us from day one only because he would.not.sleep.alone.period. Ack!!! But, we ended up loving it SO much!! At the end of the day, after he had fallen asleep, he was SO cute and could be forgiven for anything that he had done during the day.

 

My second son was born. We had a second bed next to ours for the oldest. The youngest slept in the big bed with us.

 

Then, we had a third. We ALL fit into one room full of beds! It's some of my happiest memories.

 

Then, we moved and there was a cute kids' room in the new house. ALL the boys slept there all night the first night. I was SO sad and lonely!!! But, it was good. They were ready.

 

Now, my dd sleeps with us still. She has her own room, but dh sleeps there more than she does (when he snores). I love it and so does she.

 

The boys are all in one room. They wanted it that way.

 

PS We still sleep with the boys when they are sick. Including the 13 yo!!

 

I just knew I loved you for some reason!

 

We, too, have "the more the merrier" approach. We never sat down and decided to have a "family bed" policy. It started with our oldest NOT SLEEPING EVER by himself and my need for sleep before I went crazy. We loved it so much we just stuck with it!

 

Our 5yo still ends up in our bed most nights. The 11yo will usually come and cuddle, read books, etc. on our bed and then go to his room. Sometimes he will come back early in the morning and cuddle just before sunrise.

 

These are my favorite times and I wouldn't give them up for anything.

[coralloyd]

Another odd man out here. Sure when they were real little I was ok with it (to nurse). As soon as they are sleeping through the night, they go to their own cribs/beds. All mine are in bed by 8 (sometimes 9). If they need us they have monitors in their rooms, so that they can call us (for bad dreams, not feeling well, Sister is bothering me, ect..).

 

My reasons are :

I really cherish the time I have at night to relax with dh and by myself. I can decompress, read, get ready for the next day; without being exhausted.

Also, I think that all the waking up and changing beds disturbs and makes for very erratic sleep patterns. The people I know that do things this way; their kids stopped taking naps at an early age, or they just pass out wherever they are at. To me this is not fair to or healthy for the children. My ds takes a 3 hr. nap during the day, and my dds still take a nap 2-3 times a week. Children need lots of sleep, good sleep, to be able to give their best.

Lastly, I also need good sleep (to be the best I can be), without wiggly children waking me up throughout the night.

 

Please don't shoot me! These are just MHOs and observation. we can agree to disagree.

[Cammie]

One more family bed here! DD slept with us till 4 when DS was born. Then she transitioned to a mattress on the floor and then to her own room. Then DS moved into the bed. Four years later DS is still with us and DD is with us most of the time. We have recently moved a bed into our room because with everyone getting a little bigger it was getting hard for me to get any sleep. They both grind their teeth, wack me in the face, kick me in the kidney and are generally VERY loud, restless sleepers. It doesn't seem to bother DH but it is rough! I don't think we will push them to be on their own until they are ready to make that transition on their own.

[myfatherslily]

This is one of those things where there's just no hard and fast right or wrong:) What works best for you and yours? Do it!:) If your kid is sleeping in your room every night, you can't hardly get any sleep, feel like you're never alone, and it's driving you crazy, then put a stop to it. If your kid is "sleeping" apart from you but is NOT sleeping well, and it doesn't bother you to have him/her come in, then go for it.

 

Before our first child, we were so gung-ho about the family bed idea that we even considered not buying a crib!!! I was completely crazy. Thankfully we DID buy a crib:) Due to a small apartment, she had to sleep in our room until she was 18 months old. She slept in our bed off and on as a smaller baby. Occasionally she comes into our room now, but she sleeps like a rock so it's rare.

Then DS came along. The boy never slept and still doesn't. He was an awful sleeper as a small baby, colicky, and woke up as soon as I laid him down. If I wanted ANY sleep at ALL, he HAD to sleep with me. We finally put a forceful (difficult) stop to it at 5 or 6 months cause I was frazzled, exhausted and completely controlled by it. So it went down to just getting up to go to him half a dozen times/night. Then the night terrors started. Now, at 3 1/2, he comes in to our room and sometimes our bed almost every night. He's ended up with his own little sleeping area next to our bed. It helps him sleep just a tiny bit better, which in turn helps me sleep a tiny bit better. On nights when he's having night terrors, he'll keep waking up screaming as long as he's in his room. But I have him start in his room so as clearly establish that it's HIS room and this is MINE and it's still a privilege!

With baby 3, I was so burnt out from that previous boy that I decided that if a newborn NEVER EVER slept in mommy's bed even ONCE, then it could NEVER become a habit!! I determined to stick with it, no matter how hard, trying to think long term. I did good and only slept a little bit with him once he was in the habit of sleeping in his own crib. He never sleeps with us now, but I know he will as he gets older and less wiggly:)

 

Ideally, I would have them all in their own beds every night. And I would sleep and not be tired every day. I'm hoping the night terrors won't last too many more years :/

[LibraryLover]

I'm fine about it. It's not a big dealio.

 

Not that any of our teens would be crawling in between us anymore. lol

 

Our youngest often falls asleep reading or being to read to in our bed. That's fine. If we wake, we move her, if she wakes, she moves herself. If we're all still awake enough at the end of chapter to move her, we'll do it. If not, snuggle city.

 

If people are going to next talk about sex, I've lots of thoughts on that. :D

 

All of our kids nursed for a long time, and co -sleeping was a given. No regrets and only good memories. None of our kids have fears of the dark, nightmares etc. (One had night terrors as an toddler, but we were right there to comfort, and they eneded quickly. Night terrors and nightmares are not the same thing, in fact).

Edited September 16, 2009 by LibraryLover

[elizabeth]

For some reason dd only wants to do this when just on the brink of vomiting....Gross. After the first couple of times we caught on and keep a rubbermaid bucket at the ready.

[1bassoon]

With deep regards for all you family bed folks -

 

Not happening here.

 

I started out with our oldest, but she fell out of the bed when she was 4 months old, plus I couldn't sleep. So, in our house, it's every man to their own bed!

 

HOWEVER - since dh started working in another state 15 months ago, my youngest has been in my bed more often than not. Interestingly enough, she doesn't get in when dh is home. . . . .

[Radish4ever]

our bed is fairly open, but my kids love the independence of their own bed. They usually end up in our bed if they're sick and that's it... That said, I do cosleep with my DC as infants. My DD got her own room and toddler bed at 15 months, my son at 14 months and I expect the same for this one

[Rhonda in TX]

My 11 yr old 5' 5" DD will come get in bed with us when she's had a bad dream. 13 yr old DS never does. It is very, very crowded with DD in bed with us, so we usually kick her out after an hour or so. She's usually ready to go back to her bed by then. Sometimes she asks if she can sleep on the couch (which is closer than her room) and that's fine.

[SonshineLearner]

My child has been sleeping on and off with us since birth. At this point, I don't know when he'll be by himself. He comes, toys and all, with us... although sometimes he sleeps with his sister. I mean...men are big boys:-) I can't imagine that my husband ever managed to sleep by himself.

I think of the tribes, where babe sleeps in the middle, until the next child comes...and then the older child is popped beside...mom or dad... and it starts over.

Of course, sometimes I'd like to believe in co-sleeping...and me personally sneak out... leaving son and dad.... to a full night where I can't hear snoring...don't get kicked... and don't crunch on toys..

Read about bonding... and what's recommended for some of the children whose issues are more pronounced... and co-sleeping is what they talk about...

Carrie

[Scarlett]

I'm not really against it, but i like my sleep and ds in bed has generally interferred with that. Now that Notdh is gone, I am trying to keep ds9 in his own bed, but I don't fuss if he comes in the middle of the night. Won't be long he won't be caught dead in his mom's bed....so I just enjoy the snuggle time while I can. sniff sniff.

[Impish]

As a baby, Diva coslept until she was about 6 mths old. Not by planning or choice, the kid wouldn't take a pacifier, and used me instead :glare:

 

Tazzie was in our room for the first month or so. I only had a Moses basket for him, and didn't have a frame or anything, and didn't want it on the floor, so it was into the crib after that. I was paranoid about cosleeping. With Diva, it was only her and I in the bed, now I had a husband, and I was horribly afraid one of us would roll over on him, or he'd be on the outside edge and roll off.

 

With Princess, she had a basinette, and co-slept. Again, not planning on the co-sleeping, but I'd fall asleep while she was nursing. Wolf would even tuck her into bed with me if she started to cry, and I'd latch her on without waking up :lol: That child did not sleep through until we moved her into the crib in Diva's room. She slept through from then on. We figured out that just like her Daddy, Princess 'talks' in her sleep at night. We were picking her up at the first peep, when she didn't need us at all!

 

Now, only Tazzie comes into our room. He'll drag his blanket and pillow in and crash on the floor. Or, its some unholy hour of the am, and Wolf tucks him in with me...and if Wolf's already gone to work, Tazzie will get invited to snuggle with Mommy, which usually has us both getting a cpl of more hours in.

[Peela]

I did the family bed thing on and off. Actually, dh and I sleep better in separate beds- I used to sleep with the kids when they were little though, and often dh woudl have teh older in his bed and I would have the younger in mine.

When dh and I were living separately, the kids were about 7 and 9, and I had a bunk bed for them, in my room. It just felt good for the 3 of us to sleep in the same room, all in our own beds.

The two kids slept together in a double bed for many years, too.

I dont have a problem with it.

 

The danger of smothering an infant is often due to alcohol intoxication, which is one reason the "authorities" dont recommend it. So many people drink and they see those cases where babies are smothered. I just cant imagine ever smothering my baby though and people have slept with their babies and kids since time began.

[Amber in SJ]

We were given a beautiful crib 16 years ago when we were expecting our first and it has never been slept in. We didn't have any big family bed philosophy when she was born. We all slept together so I could nurse in my sleep. All of our kiddos slept with us until they were a little over 2 and then insisted on their own beds, so they went straight into a toddler bed. Each child, except the first, went into a room with a sibling. There are no attachment disorders, no sleep disorders and no weirdness. We get the occasional visitor when someone has a bad dream. When Dh is away on a business trip I invite anyone who wants to share to come into our big CA king sized bed because I can't sleep alone. :001_smile:

 

As for anyone who thinks there will be less intimacy if you have a baby in your bed...you just have to be more creative about time & place. How else did the rest of them get here?

 

Co-sleeping is like every other parenting choice; just like extended nursing, homeschooling or vaccinations. You have to do what's best for your family. It is going to be different for every family. It shouldn't be a problem if one family makes a different choice than another. The problems occur when one person assumes that another person is making the choice they are out of ignorance. I prefer to assume that every parent is doing their best just like I am trying to.

 

Amber in SJ

[eternalknot]

I slept with a parent, grandparent, or sibling until I went to college. That's just normal for my culture, and also for a family of my size. I didn't do anything differently with my own kids - we share the bed, and always have. We have a spare bed/room that either is welcome to use (and sometimes the elder will just so he can stay up later and read) but for the most part we're a family bed kind of people.

 

I didn't even know there was a name for it or such controversy (here) surrounding it until I began frequenting a parenting board when I was first pregnant. I thought just everyone grew up this way because it's all I knew.

 

My kids turn 4 and 9 this month. I love (read: benefit from) sleeping across from them when they look like angels, especially after a day of them acting like beasts :D it endears me to them.