Where did you find your best friend?

[Nestof3]

I'm interested in knowing this from women whose best friend is not her husband and whose best friend is not someone they knew in their "before-married" life.

 

Thanks!

[mom4him]

:bigear:

[Remudamom]

Well, dh is my best friend (pity the man) but my best after married friends came from church. And they are all so much younger than me it's weird.

[Renee in NC]

I have two best friends. One of them I knew "pre-marriage" and the other I met on the internet!:lol:

 

Actually, we both belonged to a now defunct message board and we met at a get-together for members in the central NC area. That was 5+ years ago!

[Erica in PA]

I'm interested in knowing this from women whose best friend is not her husband and whose best friend is not someone they knew in their "before-married" life.

 

Thanks!

 

My best friend (besides my husband) is my sister-in-law, whom I met when dh and I were dating.

[MamaT]

My best friend (other than dh), I met at church.

[LibraryLover]

My bfing group , which overlaps with my hsing group, which overlaps with my book and knitting groups.

Edited September 10, 2009 by LibraryLover

[Heather in Neverland]

I met both of my BFFs at work.

[dhudson]

My best friends all come from church!

[Mrs Mungo]

We met at the unit's spouse coffee group when we both lived in Germany.

[EarleneW]

My BF other then ones from school days is a fellow "cheer mom". We met almost 5 years ago when our daughters began cheering together. She is in Florida still and we moved to GA 2 years ago, but I still talk to her pretty much daily if not multiple times a day!

[eternalknot]

I actually have two best friends, one is more like a sister (we've known each other since kindergarten) but the other one I met four years ago. The one I met four years ago lives closer to me, and is very much a part of my everyday life. We met at youth soccer. Our older kids were both playing on the same team, and our younger kids were both just weeks old.

 

I wasn't in the market for a new friend, much less a best friend. I had one already, plus I'm very close to my (large) family so I've never really sought "outside" friends too much. But she was a persistent little stinker! She saw an opening (our two babies) and ran with it. She called me often, to the point where a few times I had to intentionally ignore her phone calls just because I was busy with other stuff and feeling a bit ... overly persued. But I agreed to meet her for coffee one evening, and after some initial awkwardness we totally clicked. It was easier to do without the kids underfoot. I had thought about cancelling on her in the days leading up to the date, but then I felt badly. My plan was to go just this once, then sort of try to fade into the background. I still shake my head when I think of all I might have missed out on, had I not felt obligated to meet her that night.

 

Just a few months ago I was telling her that I'm glad she was so ... determined ... to befriend me. I knew then and now that she was very lonely, and that it wasn't necessarily ME she wanted but just to have a close friend. I had no initial desire or energy to fill that particluar need for her, but in time I came to realize that my life was indeed richer with her in it. I would never have sought her out as a friend, and I even tried to resist her overtures. We come from very different social, economic, spiritual, academic, and other backgrounds - we're sort of an oddity to people who know us individually - but that's proven to be really good for us in a variety of ways.

 

I learned that finding adult friendships are a lot like finding a compatible mate. There will be trial and error, good fits and poor, and this silly process that has to be gone through (no jumping straight into the feeling comfy stage). I still don't expand my circle of CLOSE friends outside of my family very much. She was just persistent enough to push through my social barrier :) and it was highly uncharacteristic of her to do so, she is very shy and introverted. I'm very outgoing and make 'friends' everywhere I go - youth sports, work, my own extracurriculars. I just prefer to keep to my family, for the most part.

[GraceinMD]

Truly "best friend" was college roommate (who introduced me to dh), but I guess she's disqualified under your rules :) , so other 3 really good and close friends came:

1) as introduction from my closest friend (when ds was little; her dd is same age as my ds, so the children have grown up together, albeit about 1.5 hrs apart; we're completely at the same 'place' in life)

2) from previous church (she's a little older than I and never-married; that is, we're not at the same 'place' in life)

3) from previous church (she's a little older than I and has a large, nearly grown family; that is, we're not at the same 'place' in life).

 

Why do you ask?

Edited September 8, 2009 by GraceinMD

[fivetails]

Hmmm. My best friend from back east is actually a cousin who's like a brother to me ~ but he's been my best friend since before dh and I got married...my best friend here is a lady who I met initially online, hunting for homeschool info back in the early Autumn past... I was trying to find out if there was a group here or anything, before we moved....she ran the group's blog. We emailed a lot, then finally met when we moved - and hit it off splendidly, although it's kinda funny because I don't think we seem, on the surface, to be two people who would get along & have as much in common as we do. Pretty cool. :D

[clarkacademy]

I found her at the library. :grouphug:

[newbie]

My bff and I went to highschool together, but were not friends than, until we worked at the same bank four years out of hs.

 

We have been bff's for over twenty yrs. Although, I havent seen her in six yrs.

[Impish]

Well, ruling out premarriage best friend, that leaves my other best friend, SpecialMama. We met online, at our city's homeschooling board :lol:

[Kari C in SC]

I have several "best friends". Two are from before I was married - so I won't talk about them. One was my sister-in-law that is now in heaven. She was my husband's brother's wife. I met her when they got married. We were friendly way back then, but not best friends. Then the internet became available. We began emailing everyday and eventually im'ing everyday. We had a set chat time everyday at 4pm. I eventually started homeschooling many years after she had started. We lived in two different states, but connected all the time and visited as much as possible. Sadly, she has been gone for nearly 6 years. I have not and will never replace her friendship, but I have met some other wonderful women through homeschooling. I have several very good friends from my days in Florida and I now, finally, have a core group of homeschooling friends in my new home in SC. I met all of these women by connecting through homeschooling. Most recently through a park day scheduled on a yahoogroup. I enjoy many of the women's company that attend park days, but a couple of us have clicked and extended our friendship beyond the group. I am so glad to have met them.

[Rosie_0801]

Well I probably talk to Ms Ibbygirl more than anyone else. She's got a nasty internet habit, that girl ;)

 

Other than her, I met one through the SCA and another because she came through my register at work, looked at my little Gumnut Guide (Daisies) advert and being unemployed decided to join up as a leader! My sister has just moved to Kenya and has left behind a best friend who needs a bit of looking after. I think we're going to become pretty good friends, given time. She's a good chickie, not that I want to poach friends from my sister, but she's not much use now she's so far away! My best local friend, I met at the multicultural playgroup. Unfortunately that friendship won't get the chance to develop as much as it could because she's probably going back to Indonesia at the end of the year.

 

Rosie

[Happy]

Church

 

A photography seminar

 

An apartment in Belgium

 

and two on The internet

 

I have five women whom I love and go to for advice, encouragement, wisdom, and FUN. I met them all in different places and in different situations. All are precious to me!

[Goldilocks]

A Women's Bible Study

 

La Leche League

[snickelfritz]

which I think makes it harder.

 

I married dh when I was 19 and in college. We waited 7...8???( um...I'd have to count) years to have kids.

 

During that time, we were involved in a young married's church group where no-one had kids. That was the easiest time in my life to meet close friends, because everyone was free all the time and all worked during the day and all had similar schedules.

 

That's where I met my best friend. Other best/good friends have drifted away and/or moved since that time.

 

NOW....I find it to be harder to meet friends. Everyone is busy doing different things and with very different schedules. No one has time to go camping over Labor Day, do progressive dinners, go to Branson for a long weekend, get together for cards, etc.... Those were all things we did as a group and it gave you ample opportunity to develop close relationships.

[Jami]

My sister is my best friend, I'd have to say. My parents introduced us. ;) We didn't become truly close friends till after we were both married though.

 

I have close friendships with a couple of people from the churches dh and I have been part of.

 

And then I have a couple of very dear internet friends that I talk to online most days and go to for advice and support about school, parenting, marriage as much as I do my sister.

[Tutor]

I have two close friends that I have met post-marriage:

 

Friend #1: Our dhs began working for the same company around the same time. They got to know each other because they have the same first name (yes, this was actually the start of their friendship). About 4 months after they met, I met his wife, and we just hit it off.

 

Friend #2: Her dh approached my dh at church one Sunday after overhearing a question my dh asked in Sunday School. They began a pretty heavy theological discussion. When she and I approached our dhs individually to let them know the kids were getting restless and we should go home (they had 6 kids at the time, and we had 3), we ended up getting involved in the theological debate, the kids all ended up playing together, we made arrangements to continue the debate over supper, and that was that.

 

Probably my closest friend I met in college through my dh (unquestionably my best friend). My dh and her dh were roommates, they graduated and the next year she and I were roommates. We planned our weddings together. Very fun.

Edited September 8, 2009 by Tutor
typos

[JustGin]

In the parking lot of the grade school where we were holding our morning church services. She and her family were new to our area and checking out churches. That was 4 years ago this month. We like to tell people we met at grade school. LOL

[Ellie]

I have several friends I would consider "best." I met all of them after I was married, and I knew almost from the first time we met that we'd be BFF.

 

The first I met at church when I was a youngly married. Happily, her dh and mine became good buddies, too. :-)

 

The second I also met at church, a few years later. She was single when we first met; I introduced her to the man she married (which turned out to be a bad thing, but that's another story!).

 

The third I met at a homeschool choir.

 

The fourth and fifth I met at homeschool conventions (the fifth one betrayed me terribly and is no longer a bff; I still miss her).

 

The sixth I met at church (and her dh and mine are bff).

 

I don't live in the same city with any of them; all except the last live in Calif, and the last lives in Texas but 3 hours away.

[prairiegirl]

I first my best friend at the church that we used to attend. We didn't really know each other well at the time. Our family left the church and I lost track of my friend.

 

A year and a half ago, she popped back into my life when we met again at a homeschool field trip. We did not know that the other one was homeschooling so it was a wonderful surprise for both of us.

[Peela]

My best friends are women I spend an intense amount of time with now and then due to a common interest in a spiritual group. The openness of the spiritual group fostered a deep connection. Even if we dont see each other for months, its like it was only a moment since we saw each other. I played music with these women too as part of this group.

[Sue G in PA]

My best friend is a woman I met 8 years ago at our old church. We worked together in children's ministry (she and her dh were the children's pastors) and one day, during a particularly difficult time in my life, I phoned her for prayer and we met for lunch. We got very close after that and she is my primary confidant when I need a shoulder.

 

I have 2 friends from high school that I still see regularly. And, of course, my dh is one of my best friends...he's just not the one I usually go to when I need emotional support.

[elise1mds]

My stay-at-home mom's group!

[dirty ethel rackham]

I met my best friend at a homeschooling meeting 8 years ago. She was new to the area. I deal with my introversion at meetings by finding someone who seems not to know many peopple and that is how we met. Our oldest boys have similar interests. Over the years, our lives have intersected more and more - we do many homeschooling things together (co-oping history and lit for our older boys, science clubs, history clubs), she's my workout partner, we work our Usborne books businesses in tandem, and we split a CSA share. I think I talk to her more than my ds (but that doesn't take much - he's an engineer - not much of a talker.)

[Dirtroad]

Best friend is hubby and next is friend since 5th grade.... but since they are eliminated.... I had to think hard....:001_huh:

 

I have several very good friends that come close to best and I met them all at SCRAPBOOKING Crops! ( a couple go to my church & the others I met through the grapevine of croppers).

 

I have several new friends that I am finding are closer to us by the day... we talk regularly & seem to overlap greatly in kids & interest... these budding great friendships are Homeschoolers!!!

 

We are so busy, it is hard for me to have a best friend like I had in middle/high school or even college. I don' t have the free time to chat & hang out. And the older my kids get, the less time I have still.

[NicA]

I met my best friend at church when I was in middle school, and my closest friend after I got married...I met at church! :D

[KidsHappen]

I made her myself. :D Really! My hubby is my best friend and then my brother but those don't meet the stipulations so the next person would have to be my oldest married dd. After her would be my two teen dds. I don't really have any non-family friends nor do I find need for them. I get all of my social needs met by my family, neighbors and the ladies on this board.

Edited September 9, 2009 by KidsHappen

[IsabelC]

I don't really have a particular best friend apart from my husband. I had two best friends I met when I was 11 and 12, but we have drifted apart over the last few years. I still love them and see them from time to time, but I find it hard because they are on a totally different wavelength. One does not have children and probably won't (medical issues). The other has children but is far more mainstream in parenting style than what we are. We parented differently from the word go, but now that they have got to school age and we're homeschooling while they're not, our lifestyles are just too different for us to connect. She has gone onto the 'next stage' of doing kid free activities while her children are at school, and she has a whole group of newer friends who are parents of her kids' schoolmates, so she does stuff with them and doesn't have much time for me. Luckily, I have met a couple of lovely women who are more on the same page parenting and education wise (I met them through a home birth support group), so I'm not completely without good irl friends.

[HSMom2One]

I met my best friend when my oldest child was just five days old. My baby was jaundiced and I had been advised to sunbathe him, so he was naked as a jaybird laying in a yellow basinette in the window of our apartment. We lived on the ground level, and Claudia walked by. She was new in our complex and was on her way to the laundry room. She stood there smiling at my little naked "lemon drop" (the fond nickname she has used ever since for my son...) and we ended up striking up a conversation. Claudia was in university at the time and I was a young mom, married only two years. She and I were the same age though, and so it was natural to get to know each other. Soon Claudia, my son and I were nearly inseparable. That was thirty-four years ago, and we are still the very best of friends!

 

Blessings,

Lucinda :)

[Unicorn.]

My 2 best friends, not including dh and pre-marriage: I met one when our dd's were in preschool together, and the other one I met when our boys were in dance class together, also preschool age.

[keptwoman]

I met my two best friends online.

One here in Melbourne on a homeschooling message board and another on a baby board in NZ, it turned out that we were moving to Melbourne within months of each other, we got together when I arrived here and had so much in common.

When we lived in NZ I met my best friends via various activities with the kids.

[FriedClams]

MOPS, library story hour, homeschool group stuff

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I have a male best friend (not hubby) and a female best friend, both of whom I met in college. My male best friend was my "man of honor" at my wedding. Dh and I both had very close friends before we married- I was 32 and dh was 43 when we married.

[Chris in VA]

Whenever I've moved, I feel God has provided for my need for deep friendships.

 

Most recently, when we moved here in August, 8 years ago, there were two women with whom I just "clicked" at church. Since we had been at the same church when dh was a seminarian in the mid-80's, one of the women already knew "about" me; we had not been close, merely acquaintances then.

We started taking early am walks once a week or so; with our littles in strollers (and a couple of them running ahead), we'd go arournd and around the cemetary that is connected to our church, next to my house. We found ourselves sharing our hearts, not just chit-chatting, although there was plenty of that!

 

Around January of that year, I asked them if they would like to pursue a "holy" friendship--using the Cursillo method of Reunion Grouping, where we'd share our weekly experiences of piety (how have we nurtured our relationship to Christ and what was our closest moment to him this week), study (what have we done to learn more about God) and action (how have we shared Christ with others, including family). They accepted the invitation, and we began meeting every week with intentionality.

 

We started by each taking an evening (about 2-3 hours) to tell our life stories to each other. I went first, and took a lot longer than I expected--no surprise there...As I sat in the darkened sanctuary of our church, and listened to these dear women share who they were and what experiences and influences had shaped them, I became so grateful to the Lord for providing for me once again.

 

We continued to meet this way for over a year, then scaled back as one graduated with her Masters in Counseling and began to work full time, and the other started homeschooling her two boys. The foundation of our friendship had been laid, however, and we always found ways to get together, sometimes once a month, sometimes going for dessert, sometimes sharing a prayer time (we usually ended our times together with prayer). Now one of the women has moved away (just last week)--but we will always be close, because we have shared so deeply, risked so much of ourselves in the relationship, and been thru so much together.

 

Long answer, eh? Holy friendship of this kind, where you share your burdens, your advice, your silences, your laughter, your soul...they are so sweet to me, and I am so incredibly blessed to have several of them!

[Lizzie in Ma]

I am also blessed to have to folks I love dearly that I met through my homeschool support group.

[Sue G in PA]

Holy friendship of this kind, where you share your burdens, your advice, your silences, your laughter, your soul...they are so sweet to me, and I am so incredibly blessed to have several of them!

 

You are truly blessed to have a friendship like that. Reading your post, Chris, has made me realize what I am missing and what I need to pray for. I have friendships where I am the one sharing and asking for advice and then ones where I am the encourager/advisor...but none where there is a 2-way street. Does that make sense? I'm so happy you have 2 friendships like that. I get more "realness" here on the board than I do irl sometimes!

[Chris in VA]

It's funny, Sue--As I said, my df Nicole just moved away. It was a rather lengthy process; they had to revamp their house, look for a place, etc., and it took about a year. During that time, Dana (Sue's cousin here in NoVa, for everyone else!) has become so dear to me! It's like God saw my need and has provided someone dear once again. Good idea, to pray for friends to encourage and encourage you!

[Sue G in PA]

I'm actually very jealous, Chris. Dana is such a sweetheart and while I am so blessed to have her as part of my family...she lives so far away :glare: I really wish she were closer.

[amy g.]

One is my best friend since 7th grade. The other one moved in next door to my old house 9 years ago.

 

I'm hoping someday, we can all three live within walking distance of each other.

[unsinkable]

How can you have more than one best friend? :001_huh:

[Scarlett]

My very very best friend I've had since I was 12, but I have another great one that I met through a very odd set of circumstances...basically boils down to 'same religion', but still a fun story.

 

My mom had a great friend who lived in WA state. We are in AR, but once lived there. Her friend died and my mom married her husband (a great story in itself). Anyway, in their congregation there they met a young girl in her early 20s who had just followed HER best friend there from AZ. My parents were living in both states at the time, back and forth between WA and AR. They invited her for a visit to AR. She came and stayed for 6 weeks and fell in love with a young man I've known since he was in diapers. A year later they were married and now she lives here in AR and we have become very very close.

 

We often comment on all the twists and turns that brought us together. And she is 14 years younger than I am.

[phathui5]

My best friends came from our neighborhood.

[Macrina]

After DH and after my Mom:

 

I have three girlfriends, we're like a tame version of the Sex and the City girls. The four of us get together once a month regularly and in between with the kids. We have a private facegroup that's just the four of us.

 

We met becuase we all have a child with Apraxia of Speech. We all live in the same area, about 45 min away from each other in all directions and we meet in the middle. Even though our kid's disability is not the focus of the group anymore we still get together and plan to until we're old and gray :)