So much stress, it seems never ending

[DawnM]

Deleting because it was too many specific details.

 

Thank you all for your support.

 

 

Edited February 10, 2022 by DawnM

[I talk to the trees]

I’m so sorry! I have absolutely zero words of wisdom to offer, but the situation sounds pretty miserable. Hugs! 

[Hilltopmom]

I’m so sorry. We are short counseling staff too- there’s just no one to apply. 
The crazy $ss princi”pal” stuff has me pissed off for you- our district has one of those too… it’s terrible right now & they are always “out to get” someone. Publicly. Ugh- it’s mean and seriously… people are not lining up to take these jobs anymore… why try to drive your employees out?!

At least you know you’ll be able to find another position if it comes to that. So sorry you’re going through this though- I know you were excited about the move initially.

Not to mention, you’ve got other stuff going on too, at home

[DawnM]

There are over 700 jobs listed in my school district for THIS school year.   It is crazy out there, so this is extra insane.   But I really believe my principal is a narcissist.   She instigates things and then you get in trouble if you "fight back."

I will take responsibility for talking back to her in the way I did, but not for what I said.   I will also take SOME responsibility for letting some balls drop, but for goodness sakes, I am doing the job of THREE people right now and I can't juggle much longer.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

I’d probably apply to another school. Your skills and education are in high demand/short supply, so I personally wouldn’t stay where I am going to be micromanaged and miserable.

[Laura Corin]

I'm sorry.  Would it be legal to record your boss in case there are future reprisals?

[Kassia]

I'm so sorry.  Your job is already so stressful - I can't imagine adding the additional stress of a principal like that.  And, of course, everything you have going on at home.  😞 

Thank you for all you do.  Our school counselors are so important and wear so many hats and seem to always be understaffed in public schools.  

 

[lmrich]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Start applying now to other positions. You are in demand and should be in a place where you are valued.

[ScoutTN]

So sorry! 
Can you find another position mid-year?

[DawnM]

I cannot find another job in the district mid-year from what I understand.   I hate that I have to leave the people I enjoy working with and the job that is allowing more flexibility, but it is what it is.

[Carrie12345]

I’m so sorry. This kind of treatment is never okay. Full stop.

[Farrar]

You have so much power right now in this market. I might even say to principal further down the line closer to the end, "Hey, you have a lot of unfilled positions and you want to fill them and keep semi-competent people, then you're going to have to let me try and do my job and stop micromanaging me. It's making it an unpleasant work environment of the sort that no one wants to be in." 

[BusyMom5]

She is the principal, but there are people over her looking at the bigger picture.   I'd go to them and explain why you are planning to leave.  Go politely,  as if you are giving them a heads-up.  

[gardenmom5]

You likely aren't the only one she is doing this to.  - so include them in your complaints to district and go as a group.

I say this only because one of the elementary principals  I dealt with was pretty bad.  She had a protector at district, so teachers and staff just left.  So did the involved parents (including me - we had all complained to district with nothing happening), who left by putting their kids in different schools.  She was also really good at spending money, and blew through her yearly budget halfway through the year every year.  (Usually things for her/main office vs students.)

When a new superintendent came into the district - a large group of teachers from that elementary school descended upon his office to complain about her.

because of contracts, they couldn't just fire her - but she got "moved to district" where she no longer had supervision over students or staff.

Edited February 9, 2022 by gardenmom5

[Innisfree]

Is there a union, of any sort? I knew of a similar situation once which was resolved by having the principal removed after teachers sought union assistance (and this was in a state which doesn't allow actual teachers' unions, but there seemed to be a group which functioned similarly). I don't know much, but heard the story after the fact from one of the teachers who was very relieved by the changes.

[fraidycat]

If she is acting this way with you, she is almost certainly doing it to others, too.

Team up. Go to HR together. Make it known that she is the problem, and that her reputation may be what is holding others back from applying to fill the open positions. 
 

Also be sure to recite the 504 incident factually, try to leave emotion out of it until you summarize at the end exactly how unprofessional it was of her to act like that in front of a parent.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Hugs.

[DawnM]

No union

I was told a while ago that the district is "watching" her and that many at her last school had huge issues with her.   

She HAS already applied to other jobs in the district, so I am HOPING she will leave and I won't have to, but we will see.

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, fraidycat said:

If she is acting this way with you, she is almost certainly doing it to others, too.

Team up. Go to HR together. Make it known that she is the problem, and that her reputation may be what is holding others back from applying to fill the open positions. 
 

Also be sure to recite the 504 incident factually, try to leave emotion out of it until you summarize at the end exactly how unprofessional it was of her to act like that in front of a parent.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Hugs.

Yes.  

Reading @DawnM post brought back so many memories of my mom dealing with a crappy Super back in her early teaching days.  My mom actually had to get an attorney to (paid for by her teacher dues I believe) fight this petty boss's nonsense.  In the end, my mom could not deal and she took a year off of teaching.  The boss was fired and mom went back and never had any of that kind of trouble again.  But I know it can really mess with your peace of  mind.

 

[DawnM]

2 hours ago, Farrar said:

You have so much power right now in this market. I might even say to principal further down the line closer to the end, "Hey, you have a lot of unfilled positions and you want to fill them and keep semi-competent people, then you're going to have to let me try and do my job and stop micromanaging me. It's making it an unpleasant work environment of the sort that no one wants to be in." 

She does not care.   She is a classic narcissist and keeps saying, "I don't care if people hate me, I have worked with a lot of people who hate me, that just means I am doing my job."

She has now signed up for all my future 504s and takes notes during the meetings, she did it this morning.   I know she is documenting everything so she can dismiss me.   

 

[Scarlett]

15 minutes ago, DawnM said:

She does not care.   She is a classic narcissist and keeps saying, "I don't care if people hate me, I have worked with a lot of people who hate me, that just means I am doing my job."

She has now signed up for all my future 504s and takes notes during the meetings, she did it this morning.   I know she is documenting everything so she can dismiss me.   

 

What is a 504?  

Ugh.  I dis like this woman a lot.  

And she is so so wrong about the bolded.  

Someone recently told me this quote, 'People don't leave bad jobs, they leave bad managers.'

[SKL]

Is there any way to officially complain to someone who can put this principal on probation for her job?  Serious question.

[Kassia]

44 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 She is a classic narcissist and keeps saying, "I don't care if people hate me, I have worked with a lot of people who hate me, that just means I am doing my job."

She has now signed up for all my future 504s and takes notes during the meetings, she did it this morning.   I know she is documenting everything so she can dismiss me.   

 

What a nightmare.  I feel so bad for you.  I know you do a good job with whatever you are doing - either professionally or personally - and I hate that you have to deal with this.  😞 

[Farrar]

Holy crap. That's not micromanagement and poor leadership, that's targeting you. How much do you need the money right now? Can you just leave? Can you tide over money issues with a short term retail job or online tutoring work or something along those lines? Especially if she's just planning to fire you, maybe it's best to leave first before you end up with that on your record in this district.

[Pam in CT]

re motives

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

She does not care.   She is a classic narcissist and keeps saying, "I don't care if people hate me, I have worked with a lot of people who hate me, that just means I am doing my job."

She has now signed up for all my future 504s and takes notes during the meetings, she did it this morning.   I know she is documenting everything so she can dismiss me.  

I realize it's neither constructive, nor even possible, to try to second guess any rational motivations of a whackadoodle, but,

So she dismisses you. Then what?  She has THREE vacancies to fill and no counseling support at all in her school?  (As well you know) it's federal LAW that IEP and 504 meetings be held, that regular reports are filed documenting their implementation.  Many parents don't know their rights but enough of them do that she is literally opening up HER SCHOOL for litigation.  I realize it's neither constructive, nor even possible, to try to second guess any rational motivations of a whackadoodle, but, what possibly is her end game?

9 minutes ago, Farrar said:

Holy crap. That's not micromanagement and poor leadership, that's targeting you. How much do you need the money right now? Can you just leave? Can you tide over money issues with a short term retail job or online tutoring work or something along those lines? Especially if she's just planning to fire you, maybe it's best to leave first before you end up with that on your record in this district.

I can't "like" this, but, seconding the thought process.

Document everything.

[Catwoman]

I don't have any experience at all in your field, but I know that you are a caring, intelligent, and competent woman, and it makes me sick that this idiot principal is ruining this job for you. 😞 

[Scarlett]

56 minutes ago, Farrar said:

Holy crap. That's not micromanagement and poor leadership, that's targeting you. How much do you need the money right now? Can you just leave? Can you tide over money issues with a short term retail job or online tutoring work or something along those lines? Especially if she's just planning to fire you, maybe it's best to leave first before you end up with that on your record in this district.

I was thinking the same thing.....I would sweetly say my elderly father and my 4 year old needed me at home for now.  

[Catwoman]

13 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I was thinking the same thing.....I would sweetly say my elderly father and my 4 year old needed me at home for now.  

I'm not sure if Dawn would want to do that, though, at least partly because she brought 5 friends over from her last school, and she may feel like she is abandoning them if she quits. I can also understand why she might want to stick it out for a little while, while she evaluates all of her options and hopefully finds a way to get rid of the principal, rather than having to leave her job.

Additionally, people keep saying that her skills are so in-demand, but there is a limit to how far from home she will want to commute, so the demand in her particular area may not be as great as people are assuming it is. Just because there are a lot of school counseling jobs available nationwide, doesn't mean that there are jobs available within a reasonable distance from Dawn's home, and I can certainly understand why she wouldn't want to leave her counseling job to go work part time at the TJMaxx or something. Aside from the fact that retail jobs have terrible hours and lousy pay, it will also be much harder for Dawn to get another counseling job if she's not currently working as a counselor.

 

Edited to add -- Scarlett, this wasn't all directed at you! I was trying to do the multi-quote thing and it didn't work right on my phone. Sorry!!!  🙂 

Edited February 9, 2022 by Catwoman
added a little note to Scarlett

[ScoutTN]

2 hours ago, DawnM said:

No union

I was told a while ago that the district is "watching" her and that many at her last school had huge issues with her.   

She HAS already applied to other jobs in the district, so I am HOPING she will leave and I won't have to, but we will see.

Oooh, I will pray that she leaves (or gets fired!)

[Grace Hopper]

2 hours ago, SKL said:

Is there any way to officially complain to someone who can put this principal on probation for her job?  Serious question.

Yeah, this sounds like some kind of workplace harassment. 

[DreamerGirl]

Document

Speak up

Stand firm.

Find allies. If she did this to you, bet there are others.

Do not let a bully get her way.

You can do this.

I am sorry ((Hugs))

[Grace Hopper]

If you have not already filed a complaint against her (maybe I missed it upthread), perhaps you should do so now. Her sitting in on all your appointments- I mean geez doesn’t she actually have a job that she needs to spend time doing??? She’s totally birddogging you. 
 

Strike first with the documentation and then if she fires you, take it to unemployment court. Let the district know that you would pursue the route of  filing for unemployment resulting from an unjust firing due to workplace harassment. 

[gardenmom5]

4 hours ago, fraidycat said:

If she is acting this way with you, she is almost certainly doing it to others, too.

Team up. Go to HR together. Make it known that she is the problem, and that her reputation may be what is holding others back from applying to fill the open positions. 
 

Also be sure to recite the 504 incident factually, try to leave emotion out of it until you summarize at the end exactly how unprofessional it was of her to act like that in front of a parent.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Hugs.

and how it is damaging to the student to have a school administrator behaving that way.

I was left wanting to punch a district psychologist who tried to manipulate my son in front of a meeting in which he was one of more than a dozen others in attendance.  all she did was given him another reason to hate school even more than he already did.  (he's been removed from this district.)

[Faith-manor]

I am so sorry, Dawn! She is the one that should be leaving, pronto. But I realize that often is not how it works. Stay strong, and I hope you find a great job.

[DawnM]

I am trying to make it for 9 more years in the school system for a decent retirement, so going into retail for a short time, would mean working in the schools even longer.

I don't know that I will make it to 9 years though.  If my dad doesn't need us too much longer, we may end up selling this house, moving to a less expensive area, and paying as close to cash as possible.   At that time, I will retire and DH can work from home.

I did speak to HR today.

[Garga]

My husband works at a college and has for 16 years. In that time, he’s outlasted 2 very bad bosses.  He just stuck it out until they left. 

Many, many people quit both times because of those 2 bad bosses. They would tell HR, I’m leaving because of X. Workers went individually to HR and in groups to HR. Nothing ever came of it. Maybe your HR is more on top of things and will take action, or maybe yours is like my DHs where they frown and nod in sympathy when you talk to them about it, but they do nothing.

Since the principal is looking for another job, I’d probably wait a bit and see if you can outlast her.

At the same time, you could look for a new job, but wouldn’t it be horrible if you left to go to a new place, and that’s where she ended up as well?  Do you know how seriously she’s looking for new work?

 

Edited February 9, 2022 by Garga

[Melissa in Australia]

Hugs 

sending positive thoughts 

[Jaybee]

I'm glad you went to HR. That's over the top behavior, and she doesn't need to get away with it.

[DawnM]

35 minutes ago, Garga said:

My husband works at a college and has for 16 years. In that time, he’s outlasted 2 very bad bosses.  He just stuck it out until they left. 

Many, many people quit both times because of those 2 bad bosses. They would tell HR, I’m leaving because of X. Workers went individually to HR and in groups to HR. Nothing ever came of it. Maybe your HR is more on top of things and will take action, or maybe yours is like my DHs where they frown and nod in sympathy when you talk to them about it, but they do nothing.

Since the principal is looking for another job, I’d probably wait a bit and see if you can outlast her.

At the same time, you could look for a new job, but wouldn’t it be horrible if you left to go to a new place, and that’s where she ended up as well?  Do you know how seriously she’s looking for new work?

 

🤯

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Don't even express those words!

[DawnM]

A colleague once told me not to choose a school based on admin because they come and go.   And I do know in this district that is true, and I also know she has applied for other jobs this year, so if I CAN make it work, I would like to. 

AND, I do hope we will be better staffed next year.   I have a counselor who would come on board and we have worked together before.   Even if we didn't get a social worker, just sharing the load on that would be fantastic.

Edited February 10, 2022 by DawnM

[KungFuPanda]

You need to go nuclear and make sure her behavior gets the attention of HER superiors. Escalate to the school board, central office, state education entities . . . any office that has professional power over her. Document every petty thing she’s done thus far. The buck does not stop with her. 

[Katy]

How did the HR meeting go?

[DawnM]

25 minutes ago, Katy said:

How did the HR meeting go?

I met with them privately and they were very nice.   I meet with the and the principal on Friday afternoon.

[DawnM]

14 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

I'm sorry.  Would it be legal to record your boss in case there are future reprisals?

Probably not legal.   I wouldn't want to be recorded either, so I get it.

12 hours ago, BusyMom5 said:

She is the principal, but there are people over her looking at the bigger picture.   I'd go to them and explain why you are planning to leave.  Go politely,  as if you are giving them a heads-up.  

Yes, I am reporting.

9 hours ago, Scarlett said:

What is a 504?  

Ugh.  I dis like this woman a lot.  

And she is so so wrong about the bolded.  

Someone recently told me this quote, 'People don't leave bad jobs, they leave bad managers.'

A 504 is a document that allows students to have accommodations for their disabilities to level the academic playing field.

9 hours ago, SKL said:

Is there any way to officially complain to someone who can put this principal on probation for her job?  Serious question.

Yes, I have talked to a few through the months, not because I have sought them out, but because they happened to be where I was.

6 hours ago, DreamerGirl said:

Document

Speak up

Stand firm.

Find allies. If she did this to you, bet there are others.

Do not let a bully get her way.

You can do this.

I am sorry ((Hugs))

thanks

6 hours ago, Grace Hopper said:

If you have not already filed a complaint against her (maybe I missed it upthread), perhaps you should do so now. Her sitting in on all your appointments- I mean geez doesn’t she actually have a job that she needs to spend time doing??? She’s totally birddogging you. 
 

Strike first with the documentation and then if she fires you, take it to unemployment court. Let the district know that you would pursue the route of  filing for unemployment resulting from an unjust firing due to workplace harassment. 

 No, what I mean by "firing" is that she can choose not to renew my contract.   Because I am new to the district, I am on a one year contract.   So it isn't technically "firing."

[DawnM]

The last 2 days have been brutal.   She is definitely gunning it for me.   She has gone through all of my work with a fine tooth comb and made me do some things over, etc.....I haven't left my desk chair for the last 5 days.   I didn't even eat lunch yesterday.   And before you say, "you are entitled to a lunch break" that is true, but the work assigned had to be completed by the end of the day, or before I could leave, and it would have just prolonged my work day, so I didn't take the break.

I can't keep this pace up.   As I stated before, there are literally two FULL TIME positions posted for 2/3 of what I am doing right now.   I am just one person.

Today I have "the meeting."   I told DH it feels like a, "just wait until your father gets home" and I am going in for my whoopin' today.  🤣   Thankfully the HR guy seems very reasonable and nice and I am hoping I can bring some things to the table.   I feel like I need to be somewhat careful in my wording.

Edited February 11, 2022 by DawnM

[Scarlett]

14 minutes ago, DawnM said:

The last 2 days have been brutal.   She is definitely gunning it for me.   She has gone through all of my work with a fine tooth comb and made me do some things over, etc.....I haven't left my desk chair for the last 5 days.   I didn't even eat lunch yesterday.   And before you say, "you are entitled to a lunch break" that is true, but the work assigned had to be completed by the end of the day, or before I could leave, and it would have just prolonged my work day, so I didn't take the break.

I can't keep this pace up.   As I stated before, there are literally two FULL TIME positions posted for 2/3 of what I am doing right now.   I am just one person.

Today I have "the meeting."   I told DH it feels like a, "just wait until your father gets home" and I am going in for my whoopin' today.  🤣   Thankfully the HR guy seems very reasonable and nice and I am hoping I can bring some things to the table.   I feel like I need to be somewhat careful in my wording.

First I got your threads confused and for a second I thought your dad’s lady friend was gunning for you.  I was briefly relieved and then again distraught for you when I realized it is your job situation.

I agree you need to be calm and careful but you can definitely set personal boundaries for what you will and will not continue to do or tolerate. 
 

 Hang in there. 

[Kassia]

Good luck @DawnM.  Hope it goes well.  I'm so sorry you're in this situation.  What a nightmare.  

I'll be thinking of you today and wishing you the best.  Glad the HR guy seems ok at least.  

[Jaybee]

Praying for you today.

[Soror]

Good luck 🤞

[Innisfree]

Thinking of you.

[Catwoman]

Praying that the meeting goes well and that the HR person sees through your principal's nonsense and starts wondering why your school is so short-staffed, and why the principal isn't trying to make things work with the ONLY counselor in the entire school.