Does anyone have a kid who showed a lot of athletic potential ? What happened? Lessons learned?

[Drama Llama]

DS11 gets a lot of attention for his athletic ability.  I'd love to hear from parents whose kids are further along on the journey.  

[City Mouse]

I have a now adult nephew who was quite a baseball star as a kid. The family spent lots of time and money on camps, extra coaching, traveling teams. It dominated their lives for a long time. The kid was the star player of his high school team. Once he graduated from high school I stopped hearing about baseball, so I guess he lost interest. He met a girl and got married. He has 2 kids with special needs who were not able to participate in team sports the way he did. 

Just my opinion, but it seems like the family had a great time while nephew was growing up. The parents were very involved in his sport with him. I don’t know if they would have been as involved in his life if he was not into sports. There didn’t seem to be any hard feelings that he did not go further in his sport than high school level even though he might have been able to do so.

[Guest]

I mean, I’m not sure if you’re talking about Olympic-level aptitude or just All-Star level, but, yeah, one of my kids is/was naturally athletic and very good at any sport he tried. When he was barely more than a year old, he would jump on the trampoline. At a few years old, he could do flips. He was in gymnastics, wrestling, soccer, baseball and lacrosse at various times. He had *amazing* aptitude for wrestling, catcher position in baseball, and as goalie in soccer. He claimed to hate wrestling, though. He quit after two years. 
 

We were not consistent with gymnastics, though he was super good at it. Some of that was just logistics with what the other two kids were doing or what I was doing (I was in college for several of those years). He played soccer and baseball for several years, then just baseball twice a year. He had an ankle injury and the constant running in soccer was a problem. 
 

When the pandemic shut downs began, he was signed up for spring baseball. We got a partial refund. He lost interest in it. By that time he was 14/15. For whatever reason - low confidence, fear of failure, desire not to be the center of attention - he did not want to try out for any sport in high school, even once that was possible again. So he has not played a sport since fall 2019. 
 

So. That’s my story. He is 17 now and he doesn’t talk about sports. Maybe he will be involved in something in college, but it will most likely not be heavily running-based and it will probably be recreational, not competitive. I can easily imagine him doing something like rock climbing, swimming or weight training. 
 

For the record, dh was the athlete of the two of us and his siblings say that was how he was in athletics, too. 

[gardenmom5]

2 dd is naturally strong, and extremely coordinated. really wanted to do gymnastics in elementary school but wasn't particularly flexible and was just too tall.  (and a tall lefthanded distance runner.  Her crew coach salivated.)  She was more interested in academics than athletics.  She was in NCAA Crew, but balked at spending five hours a day doing a sport when she was in college for an education.  (and the expectation she would spend off hours on the weekends partying - and drinking - with her teammates.).  She quit the team and graduated.  Went to grad school and got a doc.

My friend's son (coincidently, dsil's 2nd cousin) had a swimming scholarship.  missed the olympic trials by 3/100ths of a second.  (Turned out to be really good he was home that summer).  The swim team demands at the uni at which he attended made it extremely difficult (hey, impossible) for him to get the classes he needed for his major.  Since he was working in the family's profitable business (where he still works), he switched to an english major just so he could graduate.

Dh went to school from elementary school through high school with friend's cousin, (dd's fil's cousin) - he was good at every sport he tried.  Climbed Everest without supplemental O2.

Edited January 15, 2022 by gardenmom5

[wintermom]

As long as the child and family are happy about the time, money and effort involved, then it can be fun, a nice way to make friends, allow for travel and in a some cases it may lead to employment in the sport or physical activity in general. 

Competitive sport isn't the only route to satisfy an athletic youngster, though. IMO, the drive and desire should be initially from the child (NOT the coach or parent), and the  financial and time sacrifce/cost should be reasonable for the whole family. 

 

[MEmama]

My DS has always been super athletic. He especially excelled at cycling and running. The majority of his growing up years were spent encouraging his interests, 10 years in the hockey rink, several years traveling all over New England for cycling races, 10 years at track and cross country races. It was a blast.

He was heavily recruited by various universities for running  but ultimately decided to take time off from competing to pursue other interests. It’s all good by us—the experiences and opportunities he had were invaluable and helped shape him into the young man he is today. We never had any expectation he would pursue any athletics professionally, he has his own academic interests that will guide him into his future.
 

I feel fortunate that we had the time and financial ability to support him but we never, ever had any expectation he should stick with them for life or any of that kind of nonsense. I firmly believe kids should be supported as possible, and also given the freedom to evolve and grow and change interests—just as we do as adults. I’ve seen too many young people pressured into participating or competing beyond their interest levels and it just breaks my heart. 

Edited January 15, 2022 by MEmama

[Anne]

One of my children was super interested in a sport, and was pretty good at it also.  Not Olympic level good, but pretty darn good. The time and money we spent on this was well worth it, imho.  My child learned lessons I would never have been able to get across - hard work, dealing with failure, persevering, etc.

Anne

[Frances]

1 hour ago, Anne said:

One of my children was super interested in a sport, and was pretty good at it also.  Not Olympic level good, but pretty darn good. The time and money we spent on this was well worth it, imho.  My child learned lessons I would never have been able to get across - hard work, dealing with failure, persevering, etc.

Anne

We had a similar experience with our son at a similar level with the added plus of tons of major leadership opportunities (running classes and teaching mixed ages, including adults, on his own as an example) to grow and stretch him. He did attend an invitation only National camp at the Olympic Training facility, but was never quite at the level of trying out for the National team, although it is not yet a permanent Olympic sport, so it would have been national and international competitions, but not the Olympics. And it’s not a college sport.

The only downside I would say is that he was really only interested in this sport and skiing, both of which are quite hard on the knees. So he did have major knee surgery as a young adult, not due to an injury, but having his patella replaced with cadaver patella. It’s a relatively new surgery being done mainly for athletes. The recovery was long and complicated by the pandemic shutting down physical therapy about six months into the predicted year long recovery. But in the end, he would say all of it was worth it.

Edited January 15, 2022 by Frances

[Pawz4me]

In our extended family we've had several young people who were athletic enough to get full ride scholarships. One went on to have a little success as a professional athlete in a major sport; another got into coaching at the high school level. But (obviously) the overwhelming majority of parents who think their kid has potential probably spend more money on the sport related activities (fees, equipment, travel, etc.) than they get back in scholarships, let alone professional earnings. I've also seen a lot of stress and tension develop within families where one kid was getting a ton of time, attention and money devoted to them and the others were given the short end of the stick and/or were forced to spend their weekends on the road/at meets or tournaments that they found boring. But if the entire family is "in" on the sport it can be a family hobby type thing. I've also encountered entire families where it seemed like the sport was the only thing they could ever talk about. It was either talk about that sport or they just couldn't seem to carry on a conversation. That's a truly unhealthy level of involvement.

[Corraleno]

My son had the opposite trajectory of most athletes: he was a super clumsy, unathletic kid that I sort of forced into sports in the hope of helping with his sensory issues and lack of coordination. He did TKD for a couple years but didn't love it. When he was 14, the TKD place closed, so I took him to a fencing club to try it out. The first lesson was super painful to watch and one of the coaches there later commented that when he first saw DS, he saw a kid "who couldn't control his body well enough to walk in a straight line." But he loved fencing, worked his ass off, watched and analyzed hundreds of hours of video, and got very good very fast. He was winning national medals within three years, and made the US national team that won gold at the Junior Pan Ams two years in a row. (I got to go to Cuba and Costa Rica with him for the competitions, which was really cool.) He accepted an athletic scholarship at his first choice uni, which has one of the top NCAA teams. He medaled at an Olympic qualifier in 2020 and is currently top 8 in the US, but he can't get into the top 4 (that qualify for World Championships and Olympics) without doing international competitions, which he's currently avoiding because of covid. (It boggles my mind how many people are currently flying to Europe, South America, or the Middle East nearly every other weekend for competitions right now. Yikes!)

I agree with others that as long as you can afford it, the time and money invested in a sport can pay dividends in multiple ways, including encouraging self-discipline, perseverance, focus, teamwork, good sportsmanship (especially when you lose), etc. The possibility of athletic scholarships is always enticing, but I've gotta say that the college recruiting process is pretty nerve-wracking and not for the faint of heart.

[sassenach]

I've got a college baseball player. He took lessons starting at about 10, largely because as a pitcher, we cared a lot about correct form/not causing repetitive use injuries. He didn't do travel ball until he was 12, and even then we did it sparingly. I think sometimes sports families get looked down on for being over invested in their kids' abilities but the truth is that it is something that has bonded our family over the years and brought us a lot of joy. 

[catz]

I had a kid that was labelled a prodigy for musical ability from like age 5-12 (it didn't hurt he was a small 12).  So I can't comment on the athletic angle.  But one thing that I think is important having been on the edge of a highly talented group of kids growing up and starting to launch and seeing how things can play out over the teen/young adult years is not being more invested than the kid is.  Let the kid push the interest.  And maybe I am stating the obvious with this particular group of parents.  I think it's great if you enjoy the product of your child's talent and the events that come with it.  I certainly did and do.  But make sure your child always knows if  they want to switch gears they can do so.  That may be a subtle difference to some parents "do you want to spend Saturdays working more with Coach Bob on skill X?  We won't have time for Y and Z if you do that, but that is fine by me." vs. "Next month, you WILL NEED to work with Coach Bob on Skill X every Saturday.".  Especially some kids are very sensitive to their parents feelings and that can affect their choices.  

I have a sibling with a 14 year old who has literally been talking about college athletic scholarships and recruiting with this kid for 2 years.  And goes on and on comparing his skill to other kids constantly.  It stresses me out just listening to all that.  And he is talented.  But a lot can happen in a few years too and I can't imagine that would have gone well with my own young adult who did get some professional pressure to continue down a certain path at different points.  My "prodigy" flip flopped on college direction several times his high school years and kids should have that opportunity and not feel like they need to head down a particular path.  And as an aside, I hate the word prodigy, I never used that word.  

Another interesting thing is sometimes those naturally talent kids when they're young don't have the desire to work hard at something they're already really good at to take it to another level.  I think Corraleno DS's story is great.  My son was doing concerto competitions at 12 but meh, that was enough of that for him.  

That said, he learned so many great life lessons out of studying music early and throughout his childhood and I treasure those memories with both my kids so much.  ❤️  (ETA - just to be clear, he did continue piano study through high school graduation, he does have a music related major but NOT piano in college, and he is also double majoring in STEM area).  

Edited January 15, 2022 by FuzzyCatz

[Storygirl]

DD20 was a serious ballet dancer with potential to go pro, but she had an injury that caused chronic pain, and in the end, she didn't really love ballet enough to pursue it as a career. She quit at age 16. Now, she has been recruited for the diving team at her college. She is still in the very early learning stage, but they gave her a small scholarship.

Dance was a great experience for DD (until it wasn't), but it was extremely hard on our family life. When the kids were little, I had them all in dance, mainly because there was no way for me to get them to activities of their own choosing, because I always had to be driving DD to dance and couldn't be in multiple places at one time. By the time DD was 8, she was in dance classes three or four nights a week, and the commitment only grew each year, until she was at the studio six days a week. In high school, I barely saw her, as she was either in school, at practice, or doing homework late a night.

I was her biggest cheerleader, and I was so proud of her talent. But I hated how it impacted our family life. When she quit, I had a year or so when I felt very bitter about all that our family had sacrificed for dance. I regret giving up those years of family dinners and togetherness. Yes, she gained a lot from dance, but we lost a lot of time with her.

So my feelings are complex. If she had continued and become a professional, I would have been glad that I had helped her achieve a dream. I wanted to be her big supporter, and I didn't want to deny her the opportunity to use her God-given talent. But when she gave it up, it was a really sad time for all of us. I was not sad that she gave up dancing, because by then it was painful for her, but I was sad that we had given up so much over the years as a family, due to dance commitments. Also, her dancing required a big time commitment from me, not only with the hours of driving and trying to figure out how to manage the rest of family life around the schedule, but also in required volunteering. I spent a LOT of hours on dance, myself, and I am not a dancer! I loved watching her perform, but I didn't like the stress of being a dance mom.

[Storygirl]

I'll add that her small diving scholarship, while helpful, is a drop in the bucket, compared to the expenses of being a preprofessional dancer. So, while her dancing may have helped her get onto this diving team, we will never recoup the costs from her dance education with college sports scholarships.

[Acadie]

After two years sidelined from track due to shin splints and the pandemic, dd15 had a surprisingly great first year of high school track.

She qualified for States and made it up on the podium both winter and spring. Then she ran summer AAU track, and qualified and ran in the AAU Junior Olympics in Houston in multiple events. Her times were competitive with seniors who went to college on athletic scholarships. 

She's interested in pursuing a college track scholarship and dh and I plan to support that interest as far as it goes. At the same time, we're aware college athletics are super intense. Since she's a strong student we could see her walking on to a college track team without a scholarship, and enjoying the freedom to choose when she wants to focus on academics or athletics. 

She's our youngest, so it's simpler to support her interest in track than if she were an older sib. I have talked with sports moms who say they wish they hadn't let athletics dictate their whole family's schedule, and we do try to balance sports with other priorities. That said, it really has been fun as a parent to see her shine, especially after all the years we carted her along to her older sister's activities. 

This summer we're hoping to go to Ireland for two weeks, after the AAU regional qualifiers but before Junior Olympics. Dd is not happy that we won't be home for her to practice with her team and coaches for the whole lead up to JO. But this is the balance we've found between a family heritage trip and her pursuit of her sport. I think she feels our support yet sometimes wishes we put athletics first.

That tension is okay with me--I feel like it's a good life lesson that excellence and competition are entirely worthy of wholehearted, serious pursuit, but family and education come first. 

Edited January 15, 2022 by Acadie

[Lecka]

My niece was on track to get a Division 1 scholarship through her Junior year in high school.  Then her times plateaued in high school, and she was good enough to get a scholarship to a Division 2 high school.

She decided not to run track in college.

She is doing well.  She had moved on to other things as far as track, though.  She is someone I think will enter races sometimes as an adult, but not beyond that level.

She was All-State though in high school and I think was ranked in the top 20 in the state, but apparently that is not good enough for Division 1 scholarships.

She had a good experience with it though.  The coach was a great mentor and the peer group was very positive for her.  
 

Edit:  oh, she got into frisbee stuff and she likes that now.  I think she plays ultimate frisbee (?) and disc golf.  She goes to a park early in the morning on Saturdays.  That is her athletic activity now and she likes it.  
 

But my understanding is she was hitting targets her Sophomore and Junior year where she was on a path to get a Division 1 scholarship, and then her times plateaued, and she just was not fast enough.  

Edited January 15, 2022 by Lecka

[Corraleno]

43 minutes ago, Acadie said:

She's interested in pursuing a college track scholarship and dh and I plan to support that interest as far as it goes. At the same time, we're aware college athletics are super intense. Since she's a strong student we could see her walking on to a college track team without a scholarship, and enjoying the freedom to choose when she wants to focus on academics or athletics. 

I'm sure you already know this, but for the benefit of others who may be reading and whose kids are not as far along in the process, I wanted to point out that even walk-ons and nonscholarship kids need to go through the NCAA clearinghouse before they can compete on a D1 or D2 team. I've run into a surprising number of homeschoolers who thought they could skip the whole NCAA hassle by walking on, and were very unhappy to discover that it doesn't work that way. I personally know of two homeschooled kids who were good enough to potentially get recruited by D1/D2 schools who ended up going D3 instead because their parents did not want to go through the hassle of NCAA clearance when they realized too late that it was necessary. The other alternative is to try to walk onto the team in the second year of college, as a sophomore, since the clearinghouse process no longer applies at that point.

At the other end of the spectrum, I know quite a few kids who were not top athletes by any means but they had excellent academics and they were recruited by academically elite D3 schools that don't offer athletic scholarships but do offer "coach support" through the admissions process. That can be a significant advantage at some schools with really competitive admissions.

[footballmom]

Two of my three kids are extremely athletic.  One is go with the flow and has enjoyed trying new sports in high school and the other has more raw talent and a better attitude but between a couple of not ideal coach / team situations and general anxiety, stopped playing school sports going into high school.  The one that is go with the flow could have pursued playing in college but chose not to.  I have a close friend whose child plays D1 for this sport and it is a huge time commitment and changes so much of the college experience.  This helped my child make a more informed decision.  I have another friend who got through college on athletic scholarship and she loved the experience.  The most transformative part of her journey is when a coach went to her parents in elementary school and said, “Your child has a gift, encourage it, do not push her.”

We loved all of our time at the games, practices and team events and loved the time cheering on our kids.  Some of their closest friendships came from sports and very much helped their transition into public school.

There also came a time that we saw the huge downside of the wrong coach and that some families were willing to compromise their ethics in a way we never would.  We learned to be very selective about coaches at competitive levels and what role our child played on the team.

Lastly, there is always something or someone who can help your child develop their skills.  Equipment, trainers, elite camps, etc.  Be discerning that your child will truly benefit from the trade offs of their own free time, your free time and your money. 

[Nart]

It depends on the sport, but when looking at a boy of 11 so much is going to depend on when your he goes through puberty and where his birthday falls for the age/grade cutoff for the sport. It is easier to make travel/club sports when you are a boy who goes through early puberty at 12 and shoots up in height. If you have ever seen the little league world series you know what I mean. Some 12 year olds who are 6 feet tall and some who are 4'8", 75 pounds.  

[madteaparty]

I had one kid that’ showed zero athletic potential. Around 4th grade, he started skiing and is now a really excellent skier. It’s terrifying to me as he does that ski in the woods thing.  He never wanted to compete though, so he didn’t. 

and then I have another who would play tennis all day everyday if she could. It’s a problem bc we live in the northeast…

I will say it seems to me sports are even more deterministic 😉 than academics. As in, at some point it becomes a matter of size. Personally I don’t enjoy having a sports kid, so DH does all of it. The trees my kids ski on freak me out (we’ve adopted a don’t ask don’t tell policy and since I mostly never make it to the top of the mountain this works well) and I can’t watch tennis tournaments. 

Edited January 16, 2022 by madteaparty

[Carrie12345]

“A lot of athletic potential” could be taken several ways. I’m just guessing that you’re trying to ask about college scholarships and/or professional playing?

I have to admit that I’ve always had a bias. My father was a serious baseball player and made the minors but got injured. Or so the story goes. Not to be overly dramatic, but it was a pivotal turn for generational trauma, lol.

I have kids who could have done well (baseball and softball) in high school, but I don’t know from there. They chose not to, after years of Little League.  My son, in particular, improved SO much between 12 and 13/14 that I was taken aback. Today, he says he wishes he had kept going, but only talks in terms of high school, not college or pro.

We have friends whose daughter is an amazing multi-sport athlete. My girls played with her. Their entire lives and budget revolve around sports seasons. And they love it, so it’s perfect for them.  That would not work for our family, and that’s fine, too.

[plansrme]

Random observations/lessons:

When picking a sport, it is just as important to pick one that matches his personality as his physical abilities. One of the most naturally athletic kids I know washed out at baseball because he couldn't handle failure (and everyone fails more than he succeeds in baseball), but he found his match in track.

Non-sports parents think sports parents are delusional about the prospect of playing in the pros or going to the Olympics or getting a full-ride college scholarship. After 2 decades (yikes!) of being a sports parent in 3 different sports, I can count on one hand the number of parents who fit this description. Almost without exception, parents know far more about their kid's ability and prospects than outsiders give them credit for. Heck, even the kids know. When we encouraged my son to pursue a particular D2 baseball school, he said no, he is a D3 talent. He then spontaneously had a D2 offer from a coach who watched him in a tournament, so there, Mr. Know-it-All, but by and large, even the kids know after a certain point. (And, for the record, D3-level athletics is nothing to sneeze at. Trust me when I say it is not like when you were in school.)

We have met some of the loveliest people through sports. I am still friends with parents from every sport and team my kids were on. My best mom friends are women I met through baseball and swim.

It is not true that you can do anything if you try hard enough, and parents and coaches who preach this should be slapped. Eventually, every kid comes to the end of what her body can do, either because of size, injuries or just raw athletic ability. There is no shame in that, and the fact that your 5'2" swimmer can't be a sprint freestyler in the Olympics does not mean that she can't have an amazing competitive career.

My daughter did get a full-ride to college for swim, which everyone says is impossible, but then she transferred schools and gets tuition but not room and board. She is an average student but was accepted into her first-choice grad school program (she was accepted at all 3 to which she applied, and the average acceptance rate is 20%), and swimming had a lot to do with that, both the fact that she was a good D1 swimmer and the things she learned getting there. My oldest who blew out her ACL at 16 (gymnast) immediately put the soft skills she learned from 12 years of intense sports to good use and is wildly successful in her career. I cannot imagine what my son would be like without baseball and God, not necessarily in that order.

Between our 3, we have done all the things at which people scoff: private coaching, an athletic recruiting consultant, travel ball, scheduling vacations around baseball tournaments. I regret none of it. None of my kids is going pro at her sport, but I think a lot about that NCAA commercial that says something like "98% of NCAA athletes will go pro in something other than sports." Sports are a means to an end, and that end is almost certainly not a professional sports career. (Although--I have a kid (not one of mine) sleeping upstairs who had a legit shot at playing in the MLB; that would be fun.)

 

[HomeAgain]

I can tell you how this worked out long term for dh.  He was the kid who was tapped for select/travel/all star teams starting at about age 6, with scholarships thrown in to pay for the cost of the programs.

The long term effect: he has had back surgery, knee surgery, and is scheduled for hip surgery this year. He may also be having another back surgery in the future.  Much of his body wear and tear was due to repetitive stress from the 2 sports he played.

In contrast, the hockey program ds11 is in encourages and reinforces a whole body approach.  Years ago the organizers went to Finland, I think it was, and watched how the kids trained. They had noticed that less and less American players were making it to the NHL and wanted to see different training programs.  What they found out was that the kids only played hockey half the time there. The other half the time was spent doing agility training, body training with old school playground play, and letting the kids be able to do multiple sports in a year. The children who were learning to use their bodies in different ways and building interior muscle and flexibility were achieving more than those who specialized with specific muscle movement.  More than that, they had more pathways open to them as they got older or decided to leave the sport.

[Splash1]

First I was the girlfriend/now wife of an exceptionally athletic man who ran track in highschool, jr college and Division 1 college on scholarships, as well as a sister of a all state level distance runner(he also couldn't handle the pressure of being the star athlete with expectations he felt he couldn't live up to from the coaches). 

Then I had two children who were exceptional, one an athlete and the other a musician.  We spent a lot of time and money supporting their talents.  By high school my athlete just didn't show the work ethic and passion my husband felt was necessary to succeed in college athletics but we still supported him because he felt that was where he wanted to end up.  In the end he was injured senior year and didn't finish the soccer season.  Varsity starter all four years but no college for him, he lost his passion and the pressure to always be the star player got to be a bit much. The other thing is his soccer games/seasons pretty much took over our lives and our other kids spent a lot of time traveling and going to soccer games.  We eventually got to the point we didn't have them go all the time or planned fun things around it.  We didn't want the younger kids to feel that their interests weren't as important to us even though they weren't the "star".   (I have five kids total, the two oldest are the ones that had the "talent"  three younger ones are not sports oriented, well actually older daughter is a beautiful and very fast swimmer as well as a good tennis player.  Coaches would drool over her when she'd swim and ask when she was going to be a high schooler.  She had absolutely no interest in competing. Next is an artist and youngest is just an all around delight who wants to be a pilot.)

The musician, he played violin and sang.  All state and scholarship level, for him his learning and developmental challenges (dyspraxia, autism, etc) along with some other things made college for that unlikely despite the evaluation at local college at age 14 that he was one of the most promising and musically gifted students he'd met in a long time.   For us it was hard to let go.  He played so beautifully.  Also at fifteen he had multiple people give me cards at a performance to call them as agent, performances for his singing and beatboxing.  What they didn't know that I knew was he couldn't do the same performance twice.  It was pretty much in the moment.  He was fantastic and so fun to watch but couldn't sustain it.  My only regret here was I should have let him have more fun and breaks and not pushed quite as much to practice his violin (I am not a pushy mother but I just made him focus and practice over the summer even when doing things like theater camp.  In my defense he told me he wanted to play with the London Symphony, 

Way too much information but I guess my advice is make sure your child is the one leading and to keep watch that other's expectations and hopes aren't causing too much pressure.  Also to not let one child's gift be the focus of the family.  My kids are now 27, 24, 22, 20 and 15 now.

 

[wintermom]

8 hours ago, Nart said:

It depends on the sport, but when looking at a boy of 11 so much is going to depend on when your he goes through puberty and where his birthday falls for the age/grade cutoff for the sport. It is easier to make travel/club sports when you are a boy who goes through early puberty at 12 and shoots up in height. If you have ever seen the little league world series you know what I mean. Some 12 year olds who are 6 feet tall and some who are 4'8", 75 pounds.  

This is definitely supported by research and simply looking at the birthdays of current athletes in specific sports.

[teachermom2834]

My ds was an all around athletic little kid. Picked up everything easily and had tremendous attention span that made him look like a prodigy when he was little. Like he would watch golf on TV and then have the staying power to go to the driving range and hit a whole bucket of balls when he was two years old. It was hilarious and fun. He was generally athletic and then had the intellect, interest, and patience to put it all together to be really successful at any sport all through middle school. He could play pretty much anything at the small high school level. He was homeschooled but played baseball and basketball at a private school that allowed him to play. He was a shortstop/point guard type. Good player and would make all tournament teams. But ultimately he would not have been a superstar at a big high school level. He is just an average size kid with average speed and average agility. Just an all around average good athlete when all was said and done and he grew up. 
 

He played all the sports he could as long as he could but baseball was always the main one. He played travel and played D3 in college. He could have gone to a lower level D1 or D2 potentially…or gone JUCO to D1 or D2 route but by mid high school he knew he was not going pro and he was very focused on college/career. D3 was a great fit for him. He loved playing college ball. He, honestly, did not play as much or as well as he could have because he did tend to blow off workouts and even practice sometimes for internships, professional development, academic opportunities. But he loved his playing experience.

He got a good job right out of college at a big accounting firm. He had several job offers and always said his playing experience came up in interviews and he felt like it was a real positive for him. He also feels like he has adjusted to the rigors of his demanding job better than the rest of his cohort. That might be his personality but he credits his years as a student athlete for preparing him to handle the pressure of his career.

I have mixed feelings about the time we spent on the ballfield. We were around a lot of toxic people and bad situations. We tried to protect him from that but we didn’t always feel good about being involved in the whole environment. But now (he is 23 yo) we talk about it and he remembers none of the bad. He either didn’t even know it was happening or has completely forgotten it. He thinks it was all totally worth it. 
 

I wouldn’t spend a bazillion dollars on sports. I think it just comes down to physical attributes and natural ability in sports. We saw so many kids show up to a sport who had never played before and they picked up the sport quickly and outplayed the kids that had been there for years. Obviously that varies from sport to sport but it is just so much more about innate ability than anything else. It’s important to keep that in mind. 

Edited January 16, 2022 by teachermom2834

[wintermom]

1 hour ago, plansrme said:

 

Non-sports parents think sports parents are delusional about the prospect of playing in the pros or going to the Olympics or getting a full-ride college scholarship. After 2 decades (yikes!) of being a sports parent in 3 different sports, I can count on one hand the number of parents who fit this description. Almost without exception, parents know far more about their kid's ability and prospects than outsiders give them credit for.

 

You are likely correct, however how do parents learn to identify whether their 6 year old will or won't make it to the level to be offered a scholarship? Don't you have to take the road of believing your child will (or at least provide the setting and equipment to support this belief), and somewhere along the way you find out? By that time ,you have to hope that your child doesn't become injured in mind or body, and if injured hopefully it won't negatively effect them for the rest of their life.

Like I mentioned before, and is a hard one for parents of "athletically talented" children to consider, competitive sport is not the only way to enjoy physical activity. It is certainly crazily rewarded in the US like no where else in the Western world, but those rewards have expiry dates that are for the benefit of institutions and not necessarily for individual athletes. 

[plansrme]

58 minutes ago, wintermom said:

You are likely correct, however how do parents learn to identify whether their 6 year old will or won't make it to the level to be offered a scholarship? Don't you have to take the road of believing your child will (or at least provide the setting and equipment to support this belief), and somewhere along the way you find out? By that time ,you have to hope that your child doesn't become injured in mind or body, and if injured hopefully it won't negatively effect them for the rest of their life.

 

No, you don't start a 6 year old in baseball because you hope he is going to get a baseball scholarship. You start him for a thousand other reasons that have nothing to do with college sports, or even high school for that matter. A college scholarship is maybe reason #732 for why we supported our kids' participation in sports. You start your kid in sports for the same reason you start them in anything--it's fun; it's good for their bodies to be active; it's a good way to make friends; and again, it's just fun. Is it the only fun thing? Is it the only worthwhile thing a 6 yo can be involved in? Of course not, and I've never understood why parents whose kids aren't in sports always bring up this argument, i.e., "That's not the only way to learn teamwork and goal-setting." No, of course it isn't. But the fact that it is not the only way doesn't mean it isn't A way.

[wintermom]

41 minutes ago, plansrme said:

No, you don't start a 6 year old in baseball because you hope he is going to get a baseball scholarship. You start him for a thousand other reasons that have nothing to do with college sports, or even high school for that matter. A college scholarship is maybe reason #732 for why we supported our kids' participation in sports. You start your kid in sports for the same reason you start them in anything--it's fun; it's good for their bodies to be active; it's a good way to make friends; and again, it's just fun. Is it the only fun thing? Is it the only worthwhile thing a 6 yo can be involved in? Of course not, and I've never understood why parents whose kids aren't in sports always bring up this argument, i.e., "That's not the only way to learn teamwork and goal-setting." No, of course it isn't. But the fact that it is not the only way doesn't mean it isn't A way.

Baseball, and most highly organized sport - particularly with more competition than practice, for 6 year olds is generally not all that developmentally appropriate. Play is much more natural for young children and organized sports are beginning to recognize this. https://sportforlife.ca/

However, adults love watching their kids participate in activities they have done. They enjoy sharing that experience with their child. It makes sense, as there is a lot of time and money to invest in supporting children in sports. 

ETA: Our sports culture and support systems are very different in Canada. However I know many Canadians receive athletic scholarships to US colleges. The families of many of these youth absolutely speak about their hopes of their children receiving US scholarships. It may not be the reason that they started their child in the sport to begin with, but it's in their minds as a positive outcome. 

Edited January 16, 2022 by wintermom

[catz]

I think some parents have good sense of perspective of their kids abilities and the real world applications and some do not.  Like not every early bloomer gifted elementary/middle school kid continues on the same trajectory through their high school years.  I am concerned about my nephew's parenting right now.  He was one of those 6 ft tall kids in the 7th grade, so yep he was a real stand out.  He also has had some health challenges in the past year that may change his athletic path.  I worry his parents are more pushy and intense on that whole scene than he is or should be at that point (he is a freshman).  Like I said, I had a weirdly gifted music kid.  I definitely came across parents that did not have good healthy perspective in that world too.  Ugh, I could tell stories.  But if your sophomore is getting recruited at the D1 level, I mean duh, that's a clear indicator right!?  I have seen the stars and their families from small communities get an education when they come into a larger setting do things with more skilled kids.  

But all that said, I have ZERO regrets about the time, money and energy spent on any of my kids activities whether or not they were a star or not.  One thing that covid lockdown has drilled into me is we engage and learn and grow as a family much more when we are out in the world and have things to talk about.  My kids absolutely came across toxic situations in different settings and those were good situations to discuss and learn from.  They were never in a situation where I felt they had to stay in a toxic situation and we have a choice of opportunities where we live too.  

I will also say, I have 2 kids that are now 17 and 21.  The 21 year old was "music prodigy" early.  And music is still a big part of his life but now exactly in a way anyone could have said before he graduated high school.  He did get a very generous and rare music merit scholarship at the university he is at, but he is a double major.  I expect him to go to grad school but there's a good chance it won't be in a music related area. 

My 17 year old also started music early and she is still at it, she is actually graduating from her instrument's program this year.  She does play at an advanced level, but meh, she doesn't work that hard at it and isn't super amazing.  She regularly is surrounded by kids that play better than her  I'm sure she could do a college orchestra if she wanted.  For years, she was in her brother's shadow (from her perspective).  But those lessons and experience for her led to a spin off musical path she is now getting tons of attention for.  She actually auditioned to be in a music studio with a college prof this fall is that prof's only high school student.  That may lead to a college path for her (who knows, she's a junior).  Keeping as many opportunities for new paths and rabbit trails can take your kid places you didn't expect. 

[Drama Llama]

Thanks everyone,

The kid in question is my youngest.  Right now he plays a variety of sports, but coaches are telling us that he's got this amazing potential, and that if he picks a sport and plays it at a high level he'll go far.  

So far, I've been of the opinion that he's young, and the focus should be on having fun, and balance, and exploring, and covid safety, and I made some choices based on that.  DH is now questioning those choices and feeling like we should prioritize his sport more, and it's a source of tension, so having other people's experiences is helpful.  

[Tap]

1 minute ago, Baseballandhockey said:

Thanks everyone,

The kid in question is my youngest.  Right now he plays a variety of sports, but coaches are telling us that he's got this amazing potential, and that if he picks a sport and plays it at a high level he'll go far.  

So far, I've been of the opinion that he's young, and the focus should be on having fun, and balance, and exploring, and covid safety, and I made some choices based on that.  DH is now questioning those choices and feeling like we should prioritize his sport more, and it's a source of tension, so having other people's experiences is helpful.  

After having my 2 older kids in sports for most of thier lives, I would say that following a child's heart and having a variety of sport interests is far better than a narrow focus at that age. Not only does it decrease the burnout, it also reduces repetitive motion injury. Many sports that young children do, are just practice for that particular sport. Once you get to older teams, that is when you start seeing more influx of weight lifting and alternative strength building skills being utilized. The one exception I saw was my son's swim team, even in the lower levels, where thier land practice was a requirement and prioritized by the coach's. I also believe it is important that any strength training be taught and monitored by people who understand teen body development. Not just some free weights in a home gym. 

[wintermom]

21 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

Thanks everyone,

The kid in question is my youngest.  Right now he plays a variety of sports, but coaches are telling us that he's got this amazing potential, and that if he picks a sport and plays it at a high level he'll go far.  

So far, I've been of the opinion that he's young, and the focus should be on having fun, and balance, and exploring, and covid safety, and I made some choices based on that.  DH is now questioning those choices and feeling like we should prioritize his sport more, and it's a source of tension, so having other people's experiences is helpful.  

Your title of this thread says it all, IMO. This is an outsider's view point, not your son's or your family. If your son was pushing to focus on the one sport, you would probably have titled the thread something more like, "How can I support my child's thirst for this sport?"  I think you're making the right choices for your son at this point in his life. 

[rebcoola]

I made it to a very high level in my sport as did my older sister.  We both continued to do other sports through high school.  We got small partial scholarships to good schools that really were just a drop in the bucket of total costs.  We both have side hustles in the sport and enjoy it to this day.  We both also may have had even more potential in a different sport but no regrets of doing what we loved.  Middle daughter is incredibly talented athlete and but has chosen to switch focus to other activities and that is just fine with us.

[Drama Llama]

31 minutes ago, wintermom said:

Your title of this thread says it all, IMO. This is an outsider's view point, not your son's or your family. If your son was pushing to focus on the one sport, you would probably have titled the thread something more like, "How can I support my child's thirst for this sport?"  I think you're making the right choices for your son at this point in his life. 

DH is the one pushing, and he's part of our family.

If DS was making the decisions, and his worry about bringing covid home to Pop wasn't a factor, then he'd play as much as he possibly could, at the highest level he could, plus some other sports on the side.  

[Drama Llama]

6 minutes ago, rebcoola said:

I made it to a very high level in my sport as did my older sister.  We both continued to do other sports through high school.  We got small partial scholarships to good schools that really were just a drop in the bucket of total costs.  We both have side hustles in the sport and enjoy it to this day.  We both also may have had even more potential in a different sport but no regrets of doing what we loved.  Middle daughter is incredibly talented athlete and but has chosen to switch focus to other activities and that is just fine with us.

But did you also do your primary sport at a high level?  We aren't disagreeing about keeping or dropping the other stuff.  We're just disagreeing about whether to add things like a travel team and more private coaching in one sport.  

As far as college money, it's not so much a partial scholarship as it is an avenue to a need blind/full need school, that is tempting.  

[BakersDozen]

18 hours ago, footballmom said:

There also came a time that we saw the huge downside of the wrong coach and that some families were willing to compromise their ethics in a way we never would.  We learned to be very selective about coaches at competitive levels and what role our child played on the team.

We have just this weekend come to a point of having to make a decision with/for our ds due to coaches/other parents.

One of our dc was recruited for a hockey team given his athletic ability. He is good. Very good. But from what I'm hearing as far as insults/slurs/harassment from other players and parents (and his coach will not put a stop to it), we're done. My dc know that we will never put ourselves in an environment saturated with such behavior/speech. I am very disappointed in the coaches yet glad, I suppose, that my ds experienced this now at an younger age and not at the upper high school age.

 

[Clarita]

28 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

We're just disagreeing about whether to add things like a travel team and more private coaching in one sport.  

I don't know what sport you are looking at but this is an interesting article with respect to baseball talking about travel ball (year-round baseball).Stealing home: How travel teams are eroding community baseball - The Washington Post 

If your DH really wants too look into being intentional with a sport I suggest really digging into the risks of doing so and what to look for. For baseball (that's our 5 year old's sport of choice), there is an issue of people wearing out their arms in their youth or practicing particular pitches which are physically damaging for not fully grown arms. I would look at what is age-appropriate (mentally and physically) so you know when to step in. 

 

[GoodGrief3]

40 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

As far as college money, it's not so much a partial scholarship as it is an avenue to a need blind/full need school, that is tempting

My advice is to keep college considerations out of the equation altogether.

If he loves the activity and is good at it, and your family has the time and money to facilitate the interest, then let him go for it.

If the pieces fall into place for this to be a hook in college, then that is awesome. But don't encourage him to pursue the sport with the idea that this could be a path to an elite school.

[Splash1]

11 is pretty young to specialize though I know it is the current trend. We did allow our son to do travel soccer about then but we were  careful about coach and which league we chose as we didn’t want it to be all consuming.  He also swam, ran track, played tennis and gymnastics (so he could to the coo backflip throw in for soccer) at that age. A little older we hired a private coach a couple of times. 

I also have two cousins who played soccer  they also did travel soccer and private coaching  both received scholarships to play ar D 2 schools  they played first two years then quit to focus on school  

baseball seems to be at a whole different level of commitment watching friends sons play. I was always glad my sons didn’t love baseball.   It’s hard when you and husband aren’t on same page and then add Covid to mix. 

[MEmama]

By and large nearly all the kids I’ve known whose parents deemed them exceptional at age 11 weren’t by high school. I would strongly suggest that a good coach shouldn’t be passing that kind of premature judgement on a kid who hasn’t even gone through puberty yet; it was astonishing, as sports parents, to witness the changes in ability (never mind interest) that puberty and physical growth brought on in literally all the kids we knew. 
 

11 year old kids are so very young. It doesn’t feel like it at the time, especially when they are motivated and talented and eager. Been there, done that. But labelling kids—and already putting college scholarship discussions on them!— at that age can be incredibly damaging. I would very, very wary of encouraging your son down that road unless it’s purely for his own enjoyment, and with zero strings or expectations attached.

[Slache]

My best friend in elementary school (who named me Slache) became a famous baseball player. The family had to move to go to the right school district for the best recognition, but his life was generally pretty great. He was always in every sport but he loved it. He went to sport camps and got a college scholarship. He played for the Rangers and Cardinals and was the pitching coach for the Reds and is now doing something with the Giants. 

But the stereotype of the miserable child doing too much and hating sports absolutely did not apply to him. He loved it. And it didn't cost millions either. It fit well into their lives.

[Xahm]

My cousin was a soccer kid. He played some baseball, too, on a really great team that had been to the LL World Series, though not when he was on it, haha, but he shone at soccer. Travel team, high school, college scholarship, and even a year or two of the lowest-level of professional. He's a big guy (goalie) and lived in football country, so in high school, he let a coach convince him to play football. The only thing about his sports career he really regrets was allowing himself to be convinced to play football as he got a few concussions that had lasting consequences. He got knocked about a bit with soccer, but football was a totally different level. His soccer team friends seem to be lasting friends, and he coaches part-time, so he's continued to benefit from soccer even though his active playing days are pretty much done.

[Drama Llama]

So, just to make it confusing, this isn't the "Baseball" in my name, that's my 14 year old, and the baseball situation there is complicated.

This is "Hockey", except we decided we don't have a hockey budget, and so while he's doing a lot of sports, none of them are hockey.  

[Clarita]

7 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

So, just to make it confusing, this isn't the "Baseball" in my name, that's my 14 year old, and the baseball situation there is complicated.

Oh I didn't think you were specifically going for baseball. That's just what I know because that's the one my son loves at the moment. There has been a lot of talk in that sport about people pushing kids to do things that are physically inappropriate for their age. I don't know if there are such things for Hockey (a sport I don't know a lot about).

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

8 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

So, just to make it confusing, this isn't the "Baseball" in my name, that's my 14 year old, and the baseball situation there is complicated.

This is "Hockey", except we decided we don't have a hockey budget, and so while he's doing a lot of sports, none of them are hockey.  

I have a coworker who’s son has played hockey at a high level and got a scholarship to a prep school about four hours away. He’s ranked #20-something for whatever position he plays in the country prep school league right now. I don’t understand all of it.  I do know that sports have consumed the family since the son was very young, like 6 or 7.  I can’t begin to imagine how much money they’ve spent, and this isn’t a wealthy family.  Dad’s been working 80 hour weeks for years as a paramedic to afford travel hockey.  Mom drove two or three hours most days of the week to take him to practice.  
They’d absolutely tell you it was worth it to specialize early.  This kid was the one driving it though. At about 11 or 12 his coaches were identifying him as pretty gifted and from there the parents let him stop playing most other sports(I think he still did lacrosse) and focus on hockey.  I can’t imagine the amount of money and time they’ve poured into it though.  I have a child who will probably be good enough for at least a local softball travel team, but unless I’m able to work part time by then I don’t see how it would happen. DH did baseball travel, state all star team and went to the Little League Championships several years running. But his mom didn’t work and they spent almost every evening during the season at the ball field.  I don’t know how we could do that.

[catz]

With regard to to so called need blind colleges and paying for college in general, your kids are about the age mine were when we first did a portfolio review with a financial advisor to get a sense toward moving toward college and retirement planning.  You can go find net price calculators for colleges you are considering and plug your numbers in.  I bring this up for those who haven't played with net price calculators.  For a fair number of middle and upper middle class families, need blind FA schools are not actually affordable at all.  They were not for us.  I'll spare you all my colleges aren't actually need blind rant.  😂

Anyway, it may be worth it to pick a hand full of schools across a range of options once a year and run your numbers and see what even makes sense for your budget.  If you have big income swings, your expected family contributions can also swing and can vary by school's calculator.  If you google "schoolname net price calculator" you generally get an easy hit.  Sorry if I am stating the obvious for you sports mom, I do think that can be good info for those just starting to look toward the college years.  

I agree 100% it is too early to be thinking about sports in terms of how it might fit into college life if we're talking about an 11 year.  If HE wanted to add more of a particular sport, I would add one thing at a time and watch mood and life balance closely to consider next steps.  That is how we added things the middle school years, I let them be pushier high school years but was ready to step it back if we needed to.  They had a pretty good sense of their own bandwidth by then.   I'd offer a change/switch up every season. 

I think it's really easy and fun for coaches and teachers to get stars in their eyes.  Like my nephew gets "personally invited" to these summer sports camps with "college recruiters".  Those programs are HUGE money makers in the off season.  Private coaching is a big money maker for some.  That doesn't mean they aren't worth doing and that your child may get a lot out of them.  And establish some valuable contacts and skills.  Music kid got a lot of special attention this way and did a bunch of extra camps, master classes, special performances, etc.  It does mean taking the words of some of these people with a grain of salt and continue to follow your child's lead while considering your own situation, time, family, and definitely budget for this.  

[sassenach]

Oh, with the college thing, sports scholarships rarely make a big dent in the cost. In fact, my athlete's tuition is more than the package my non-athlete just received. And it's truly like holding down a full time job while going to school. His schedule is so tight. If the kid isn't playing for the love of the game- don't bother. There's no other reason to play.

[Drama Llama]

So, I am playing devil's advocate here, to some extent.  I'm the parent who thinks we need to stay slow on this.  I just want to hear your push back on the other side so I can organize my thinking for continued conversations with DH.

Having said that, I do want to be clear that my kid wants to play.  He's getting up, on his own, to practice before school.  If I offer to sign him up for anything he's eager.  He'd love to play travel.  But family dynamics make expressing that very complicated.

[teachermom2834]

Well I have nothing scientific to offer but I had three boys who loved sports and played a variety of sports with a range of skill levels and in several types of settings and what I have come to believe is if you’ve got “it”, you’ve got “it”.  You can’t buy it and you can’t neglect it enough when they are young to ruin their chances. 
 

We had so many coaches pressure us that we had to play fall baseball or we would fall behind. A group of kids would play fall baseball and practice all year. Then some kid who hadn’t touched their bat or glove for a year would show up to the first practice in the spring and outplay everyone. Every year. Absolutely could not pick out which kids played the fall and which didn’t by how they played in the spring. 

My ds didn’t play football when he was little. The neighborhood kids and dads always egged him on to play football because he was athletic but they were always telling him he’d be behind but could catch up, etc. He went out in sixth grade and not only made the team but took the starting job of one of the ones that kept encouraging him but telling him he’d be behind the ones that he played since kindergarten. These dads could not believe my ds could catch up that fast. But it happens all the time.

So many stories of recruiting a tall but reserved kid to try basketball and he becomes a good player. Every year we’ll be watching a college football game and  they will tell a story of a kid who just started playing a couple years ago. We recently had a kid on a local D1 basketball team that came from overseas where he had been in a residential training school for ballet when someone had him try basketball. I know a kid who had his college baseball plans derailed by covid and took up golf and was good enough to earn a D2 golf scholarship the next year. While some kids train in golf from the time they are little and can’t do that. 
 

So many stories like that. If it works for your family and you can afford it and people enjoy it than there are good reasons to do it. But fear of not developing the talent enough or denying a kid at the middle school ages the training necessary for college success really shouldn’t pressure you at all. There is time for that and if your child has the talent those things can wait. 

Obviously others will disagree (and that’s ok)  but that’s my two cents!