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Just a bad day

Mrs Tiggywinkle

By Mrs Tiggywinkle,
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Mrs Tiggywinkle

Mrs Tiggywinkle

Posted
Posted

I might delete this. Or not. 

I found a therapist I really connect with.  It’s through my EAP so I only get eight sessions.  
I am having a really hard day.  Like....hard. It’s a not very nice memory anniversary day, plus a really difficult neuro cognitive report on DS5, the house is a mess, I still have one more paper to write, and I’m exhausted but not sleeping.  Work is so busy with emergency calls and really sick and dead people. I feel like I’ve hit bottom and broken apart. 
 

I am not saying I’d jump in front of a train, but if I was standing on the tracks and one was coming, I wouldn’t move away. 

I could reach out to my therapist and ask for an extra session this week. But I don’t want to seem needy and don’t want to use an extra session if I don’t need to. I’m new at connecting with a therapist long enough to ask for something like this. 

I’ll probably delete this. Just a bad day.

 

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Innisfree

Innisfree

Posted
Posted

(((Hugs)))

Call the therapist. "Seeming needy" isn't even in the ballpark. You're recovering from covid still, and working a highly stressful, vitally important job, and a dozen other stressors. You help others all the time; let the therapist help you.

I wish we could provide some help in person.

More hugs.

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brehon

brehon

Posted
Posted (edited)

You won’t be abusing having her cell number. She wouldn’t have given it to you if she didn’t want you to use it.

Look, any one of your life stressors would be damn near overwhelming. You have multiple stressors happening at once. Please call!! 

Edited by brehon
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Mrs Tiggywinkle

Mrs Tiggywinkle

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Posted (edited)

I guess I feel like this isn’t a crisis, just a rough day:

A year ago today I caught my husband cheating. My youngest’s neuropsych report came today and is even worse than the school eval. I received a rejection yesterday from a job I was hoping for and had interviewed for. I am drowning with finals between Covid brain fog and everything else. I haven’t slept more than three hours a night in a week. My autistic son is off his Abilify and the county mental health provider is on vacation and didn’t call in a refill before she left so he’s all grouchy and difficult.

So, bad day, but not like crisis bad.

Maybe I will just email her.  I feel like personal cell numbers are emergency use. My husband said he’ll find the money to pay out of pocket once my EAP sessions are done but I still hesitate to use one more session just because I’m having a hard day.

(When I was a social worker I gave out my cell phone number to a select few who I knew would not abuse it, and was always happy to answer because I knew that meant they needed something. So I don’t know why I’m so hesitant.)

Edited by Mrs Tiggywinkle
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regentrude

regentrude

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

I guess I feel like this isn’t a crisis, just a rough day:

In your OP, you describe the feeling of not moving off the tracks in front of the oncoming train, and I know exactly what you are talking about. That is such an utterly hopeless, drowning feeling, and you need help - even if you feel this doesn't reach crisis level. You are minimizing your pain and your needs.
Call. 

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cintinative

cintinative

Posted
Posted (edited)

I agree with regenetrude. Please don't assume that you are bothering her.  Counselors are trained to have good boundaries.  If she thinks you are okay, and you can put off your conversation until the next appt, she will tell you.  Please give her a chance to make that decision. Praying for you!

Edited by cintinative
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Mrs Tiggywinkle

Mrs Tiggywinkle

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2 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Can someone else refill this for you? Doc? Someone? That's outrageous

It’s so ridiculous. Everything is telehealth; they call or send a text with the link to the video.

I waited and waited when his appointment was scheduled and never got a call or a text.  I called the answering service and got nowhere.  The next morning I called and they said the provider had marked me as a no show so it was my fault.

Our primary doctor left a few months ago and I haven’t been able to get the kids a new pcp because our insurance won’t pay for a new physical until after December 31 since they had one this year.  It’s the same reason I’m off my Wellbutrin.

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Mrs Tiggywinkle

Mrs Tiggywinkle

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10 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

So if they won't pay for the PCP for two more weeks, will they pay for urgent care or an ER? 

Neither will prescribe psych meds. If someone is in a psych crisis they’ll admit to inpatient and prescribe meds a from there but that’s all.

He’s definitely not in crisis, just super grouchy. I am heading towards crisis.

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Spryte

Spryte

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Posted

It’s time to text or call your therapist.  You feel you’re heading toward crisis.  
 

Now is the time.

 

I’m so sorry it’s hard right now.

 

FWIW, on a personal, empathetic note: my GP gave me her private cell number years ago.  I, too, agonize over when things are bad enough to call or text her.  I hate bothering her.  But we have talked about it, and the whole point of giving me the number was so that I could reach out *before* the crisis became ER or hospital-worthy.  So, really, it sounds like now is the moment for you to make the call.  This is the whole reason she gave you her number. Please call her now, before you start telling yourself it’s too late in the day.

 

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DawnM

DawnM

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Posted

Did you have the therapist run the amount you would need to pay if you keep going after your free 8 sessions?    I have been going to a therapist since my mom died.   I used EAP and had 6 free.    She first ran my benefits and came up with a $100/session charge but then I called my insurance to double check and it is $25/session and I can have unlimited sessions.    I think it is well worth the $100/mo. for 4 sessions.

 

So, see if you can go more for a relatively minimal charge.

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Ottakee

Ottakee

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Posted

All of this is so frustrating.  I have been through most of the same situations, though not all at once like you.

I agree call the counselor.   It can be hard being the one asking for help vs being the helper you are all of the time.

On your son's paperwork.  I had that happen too.  I got a report with super low scores and not a lot of hope .   It took me time and grieving but it did not change who my child was or what they could do.   It DID though open more doors for services and an easy oath to disability.   So it was super hard to see in writing but the low tests ended up being helpful.....and the child has surpassed all expectations that test said they could do.

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Mrs Tiggywinkle

Mrs Tiggywinkle

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I wound up emailing last night. It came back as undeliverable, so I emailed again to the same address and it went through today. She got me in tomorrow morning.

I live in small town USA and this therapist is actually my second cousin on both sides of my family.  But she’s the first one I’ve ever connected well with and once we realized who each other was(both of us use our married names and she just moved back after two decades away) we had a pretty decent therapeutic relationship.  But still had to jump through permission hoops.  I think based on that I’m even more hesitant to bother her, which is probably ridiculous.  I’m not thinking clearly and I recognize that.

I have an appointment tomorrow.

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