Ravin Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 (edited) I've been getting worried about DS. But, I don't know how much the basis for my worries is me reading things in that aren't there, a lack of a good baseline for comparison, or somethiing worth serious concern. DS is in public school, gets good grades (has had some problems completing and turning in homework though, which is a new development this year), is in Cub Scouts for extracurricular activity. If he had his way, he would never leave the house. His favorite activities are playing Roblox, playing Minecraft, and watching gaming videos, mostly about Roblox and Minecraft. He used to like playing with legos, but seldom does any more. He doesn't like to read for it's own sake, though he reads well (above grade level) he's in the PACE program (what they call the gifted program) at school. He will reluctantly play board games with me now and then when I insist on a screen break. He has become progressively less inclined to want to go anywhere besides school. Although he generally has fun when he gets there (wherever there is, assuming it's not errands/shopping), he never wants to go and has to be pushed. He doesn't like to be outside. We went on a Scouting trip to spend the night on the Battleship Iowa and he hardly paid attention to the tour, preferring to complain that his feet hurt. He says he's tired all the time. He complains of headaches (some of that may be echoing his sister's favorite excuses for not doing things, which are sometimes actual reasons, not excuses). He is grouchy, rude, gets angry when asked to do things, and has recently become increasingly prone to frustration and not wanting to put in effort on things he is quite capable of (ex: he wanted to build his new Hot Wheels track, but decided upon glancing at the instructions that it was too hard and gave up). He doesn't like breaks in his routine. Some of it might be picking up on his sister's moods, her upsets and tantrums have always upset him, but he also seems lonely, his overall mood is lower, he wants friends (DH has noticed he has been getting left out at Scouts when they are doing free play type things). He still co-sleeps with me when I'm home (I'm away 3 nights a week for work), and can't be bothered to sleep in his own bed (a loft) most of the time even when I'm not there (he sleeps in my bed on his bedroom floor, which is why it's still in his room). When DD was this age, she was suffering from debilitating anxiety and started expressing suicidal ideations, which prompted us to get her on meds. With that as a baseline reference point, DS is doing great. But that's not a "normal" reference point. Up until recently, DS has been my "easy" kid. Easygoing, no learning problems, cooperative, helpful, content, usually pretty happy. Always a little quiet, a little introverted, chatty about his favorite subjects and with people he knows well, but not inclined to speak up in a group. But now...he is just increasingly withdrawn, and I'm worried. DH thinks he's fine, just introverted. He'll be 8 in March. Edited January 8, 2019 by Ravin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 Sounds like a screen addiction to me. I would be quite concerned. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 DS13 had similar issues from feeling left out at that age. Part of the problem was that DS14 is better at reading social cues and so gets invited for free play while he gets included as a tag along. We searched for activities he could participate in with no free play, that DS14 won’t be interested in and it got better. Like YMCA activities where everyone gets assigned a role or takes a turn, so he didn’t feel left out. It was a self esteem issue with him. Screen addiction and loneliness were trace amounts compared to feeling socially inadequate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 Your son sounds like mine was at that age. We used to do PE at the Y but he'd prefer to stay home alone even though he had friends who also attended the class. He'd make a fuss about co-op classes, speech therapy, basically anything that required leaving the house. He was also a master manipulator when it came to feigning sickness and would complain constantly when forced to do anything. I finally said no video games during anything I expected him to do but opted out. If he was too sick to do school, then he was too sick to play video games. Didn't really help. He still complained, still wanted to stay home and definitely still didn't want to do school. He was such a stressful kid to raise and educate. But he has turned out to be a sensitive, loving adult who works responsibly and maintains a household. I'm pretty darn proud of him. Hopefully your son will do the same. That you are asking for help makes me think that he will with your guidance to help him along. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 I'm not at all anti-screen, but I also might try pulling them back a little and seeing how that goes. I really don't know. It sounds hard to suss out, honestly. I have one kid who, when he complains about headaches or tiredness or any pain, simply cannot be trusted. It's so hard to know. And getting frustrated easily isn't good... but also sounds very normal for an 8 yo. Same with wanting to go out - totally normal for an introvert, as you realize - or could be a sign of budding anxiety or that his imaginary aches and pains are real... who knows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted January 8, 2019 Author Share Posted January 8, 2019 We have done some screen fasts, and DS was unhappy about that but got used to it quickly enough. I don't think "screen addiction" is the problem. A symptom, maybe. He doesn't prefer screens over people--he'd rather someone play with him. On Roblox there is always someone to play with. In the house and neighborhood, that's not the case. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 My son gets that way when he has too much screen time, It's like he forgets how to interact politely and enjoy life apart from screens. The irritability really ramps up when I don't stay on top of screens, as does the general "Don't want to do anything but screens..." There are kids who can play hours of screens and not have it affect them. My kid isn't one of those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Ravin said: We have done some screen fasts, and DS was unhappy about that but got used to it quickly enough. I don't think "screen addiction" is the problem. A symptom, maybe. He doesn't prefer screens over people--he'd rather someone play with him. On Roblox there is always someone to play with. In the house and neighborhood, that's not the case. This is the way it is with my son. I was really surprised when I intentionally sought him out to do special things with him. He does have limits to screen time but seems at a loss for how else to fill his time. He's happy to help me with work if I slow down and don't get crabby about normal childish mistakes. He's happy to do other things if I can suggest something that piques his interest. We started watching the Great British Bakeoff as a family and he really enjoyed it. So I found him the food network kids' equivalent and he really seems sorta interested in learningto bake some stuff. Some kids really just have a hard time entertaining themselves without others. Its up to me to help my son out. And yes, my son is a normal kid, but if he doesn't click with a particular group he will talk about "bored" and complain and not want to be there. ETA: He sounds a lot like my son. It's not easy. Well within normal, but still hard to know how to handle. Edited January 8, 2019 by fairfarmhand 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 I would start with a check up a the pediatrician. His headaches and fatigue might be excuses. Or they might be real things that need to be evaluated. Headaches and fatigue can lead to pulling away from previously enjoyed activities. I would also mention the possibility of depression or anxiety to the doctor (some will automatically screen with the fatigue). It may well be that what he needs is a screen fast etc. but I would start with the doctor. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 I’ll say this: introverts are happy in their introversion. The more troubling characteristics are not features of being introverted. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 My son could not self regulate screens at this age. We had a limit of like 1 hour screen time on weekdays and 2 hours on the weekend. If he was gaming online and chatting with friends, we might have had exceptions. I also think post-holidays are a hard adjustment. Sometimes we'd get lazy about limits over breaks with new games, etc. It always took 2-3 weeks of whining and complaining and adapting to get back to a more normal routine of not assuming the screen would be available all the time. My kids prefer engagement too, but if I consistently give them resources and suggestions over time they could figure out what to do without a screen. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 I am a firm believer in listening to your gut. If you're worried, that's good enough. Start figuring out if there is more going on. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 How many hours of sleep a night is he getting? He should be getting 9-11 hours every night. If he’s not getting enough sleep, then he will be cranky and fatigued and won’t have the energy to put effort into anything. Is he getting enough sleep every single night, all 7 days a week? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippiemamato3 Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 He sounds similar to my DS at that age. It was the start of depression. I'd be concerned about the headaches too. I think a check up and a check in with a doctor is a good idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 Did you get his eyes checked? It seems totally reasonable more is going on, given the family history. (run genetics, look at VDR and TPH2 genes, etc.) But you've got enough vision references there that I'd get his eyes checked too. Ds was having headaches and that's what was causing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted January 8, 2019 Author Share Posted January 8, 2019 He just got his eyes checked by a developmental optometrist, his vision is great. He sleeps well, though we slacked off on bedtime over the break, he slept in a little later too. Gets up and gets himself ready in the morning and off to school without much problem. He doesn't claim to like school, but he was vocal about missing school and playing with his friends at recess and if asked he will identify things they do at school academically that he enjoys (though not enough to do them at home as well). The headaches are possibly triggered by certain foods (DS has made this connection; dairy and sausage mostly, and including things he likes), possibly by sunlight (we got him sunglasses). They aren't more likely in the evenings, so it's not from being tired. I'll remind him to drink water and that helps; once in a great while he'll ask for medicine to make it go away and we give him ibuprofen, but usually he declines (a cue that he's using "headache" as an excuse to not do something he's been asked to do). I would readily chalk fatigue up to "doesn't get enough sunshine and exercise, too much time sitting around on screens." In summer when he wasn't in school, he was given chores, activity packets (some worksheets, some activity goals) he had to complete before he could play on his tablet or on the computer. He would blast through it all. I'm thinking about structuring our weekends to include more screen-free time, and more fun, low-key outings (maybe playdates at a local park, the zoo, museums he may like, that kind of thing). There's not much I can do during the week when I'm not home. We've had some conversations about his behavior, and DS agrees that taking away his tablet is a "fair" consequence if he refuses to do something in a reasonable amount of time when asked, or is rude about it. I have also lowered my tolerance level for rudeness to me. I put up with way too much for way too long with DD. I will also keep trying to get him to talk, but he doesn't like talking about his feelings, and/or can't articulate what's actually bugging him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 9, 2019 Share Posted January 9, 2019 (edited) Something as simple as low vitamin D could cause headaches, exhaustion, irritability, depression, etc. Get some lab work done, including D, iron, etc. (edited to add you should also check thyroid and blood sugar) Edited January 9, 2019 by Ktgrok 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted January 9, 2019 Share Posted January 9, 2019 I was just going to ask about how much exercise and outdoor play time he is getting, and then I saw your last post. Maybe limiting screen time in addition to increasing outdoor play and exercise for awhile might help with some of the issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 9, 2019 Share Posted January 9, 2019 Except for the grumpy and headaches, that sounds like ds at that age and even now honestly. When my ds is tired and grumpy it's usually a growth spurt. Ds is a hermit and would be happy to live in his room forever. My dad was like that, I have friends my age (50s) who are like that, so that part may be more personality than anything. The withdrawing part would have me concerned, however. If you have read the highly sensitive person, that might be something to look into. Not sure if it fits, as it's been a while since I read the book, but at 7 life is such a shift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted January 9, 2019 Share Posted January 9, 2019 With the sibling history in particular, I'd set him up with a counselor. It can be difficult for the 'easy' kid to break out of what might be a pattern of keeping quiet to balance the 'noise' of a high-needs sibling. Even without the sibling history, I'd be somewhat concerned. I thought you were describing a teen at first. I would be looking twice at a teen, and even more so about a 7 yr old who never wants to leave the house. It could be depression or anxiety, it could be a lack of social skills and thus friends, it could be nothing. I'd dig deeper. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 9, 2019 Share Posted January 9, 2019 Since he sleeps well, I agree I’d look further, based particularly on family (sibling) history. Get a checkup and bloodwork and go from there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted September 17, 2022 Author Share Posted September 17, 2022 Thought I'd give an update. He's as much an introvert as ever, though still overall an agreeable kid. He's been schooling online since the pandemic started, we moved, and now his only peer interaction is through the computer. He doesn't seem unhappy, and though he misses his sister, we are all less stressed out since she moved out last month. He does take a Vitamin D supplement now, on his doctor's recommendation after lab work. 32 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 57 minutes ago, Ravin said: Thought I'd give an update. He's as much an introvert as ever, though still overall an agreeable kid. He's been schooling online since the pandemic started, we moved, and now his only peer interaction is through the computer. He doesn't seem unhappy, and though he misses his sister, we are all less stressed out since she moved out last month. He does take a Vitamin D supplement now, on his doctor's recommendation after lab work. Nice to see you here again!!! 🙂 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 Hi Ravin, it's so nice to see you! <waves> 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 Nice to hear from you again! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 Ravin, I see your old threads pop up once in a while and wonder how you and your family are. I thought this was going to be just another zombie thread--and here you are! What a nice surprise. 🙂 I'm glad your son is doing well and happy! 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree Frog Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 It's good to see you again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 Good to see you again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 (edited) nm. Edited September 18, 2022 by gardenmom5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 Nice to see you, Ravin! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Marmalade Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 Ravin! I'm happy to read the positive update and hope you are all doing well! It's so nice to see you pop in. 🙂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 Ravin, I've wondered how you all are doing. Glad to see you pop in with an update. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 (edited) ugh zombie thread and I didn’t notice. Apologies! Edited September 18, 2022 by Murphy101 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 Thanks for the update Ravin! How is your daughter doing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 Another who's glad to see you here, Ravin. I hope everything else is going well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted September 18, 2022 Author Share Posted September 18, 2022 8 hours ago, Murphy101 said: ugh zombie thread and I didn’t notice. Apologies! I deliberately respondent to an old thread I'd started to give an update. It's not a zombie thread so much as a resurrected thread. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted September 18, 2022 Author Share Posted September 18, 2022 8 hours ago, maize said: Thanks for the update Ravin! How is your daughter doing? In a nutshell: Not great. But it's entirely beyond my control at this point, so I just give her what reasonable help she'll accept and try not to dwell on it. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 53 minutes ago, Ravin said: I deliberately respondent to an old thread I'd started to give an update. It's not a zombie thread so much as a resurrected thread. I know. But I didn’t go to the last post so I didn’t realize that until after I posted. My bad. 🙂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 19, 2022 Share Posted September 19, 2022 I kept scrolling passed this, thinking it was a zombie thread too. Glad to see you Ravin. My ds is still a happy introvert as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
East Coast Sue Posted September 19, 2022 Share Posted September 19, 2022 Glad to hear from you! I lurk more than post but I’ve thought of you and hoped you & your family were doing well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted September 19, 2022 Share Posted September 19, 2022 On 9/17/2022 at 7:31 PM, MercyA said: I thought this was going to be just another zombie thread--and here you are! What a nice surprise. 🙂 That was my thought. I opened it in case it hadn't yet been reported. It's good to see you @Ravin and I'm glad your son is doing well. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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