Chris in VA Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 (edited) I hope you don't mind if I share the eulogy I presented on Saturday for my brother. It's written as I talk, not as I'd write. My father wrote a beautiful one, giving more "facts and figures" of his life--mine was just memories. I'd like you to know him, a bit. Thank you for supporting me during this time. I really appreciate you all. When I heard Isabela wanted to have a time of remembrance for Ken, I so wanted to share. The longer I sat in the quiet space of memory, the more those memories appeared, like stars coming out at twilight. I came into Ken’s story when he was five, and he was nearly ten before my memories begin. We lived, by then, in a big white house on Brookdale Drive, in Cheshire; a house with an enormous backyard that sloped down on one side into the Robinson’s property. I remember sledding down that hill, and Kenny using his toy skis with the bamboo poles—they made holes in the snow and the kids got mad at him, because they couldn’t sled with the holes all around, so he went inside, and I followed, because I knew Mom would have hot chocolate for us. Mark’s best friend was Mark Zarambo, Kenny’s was Patrick Dowd, and mine was Anita Ziermann, who was particularly interesting because she had a glass eye and a cat named Boos-a-Boos. I remember staying at Anita’s house while Mom did Cub Scouts with the boys, and the day I got to go as a tag-a-long, to the chicken hatchery. The baby chicks fell asleep in Ken’s hands. I remember moving to Ohio when I was starting Kindergarten, and Ken was in 5th grade, and Mark in 6th. The house was blue this time, and next door was a woods we loved to tramp through. I remember Mom working at Penney’s, and in the summer the boys would babysit me. We’d have a list of chores to finish before Mom got home, and I was a challenge, because I cried at everything. Once Ken kept track, with a tally, and I think it was twelve times in one morning. And I remember our pool, and our dog named Sam… And Oh! Christmas Morning was the best, because I was allowed in Mark and Ken’s room, which was sacred space. One doesn’t simply walk into one’s brother’s room. I’d come in clutching my stocking and they’d open theirs, because we got them in our beds on Christmas Eve, and that gave Mom and Dad a little time to sleep in. And even the dog got to come up, and then we’d go to the tree downstairs all together. I remember finding out Ken had CF, and how he had to get his tonsils out, and how I was too little to visit him in the hospital, because in those days they didn’t allow siblings to visit. I stood in the parking lot and looked up, and he waved to me from the window, wearing his hospital gown. And I remember the sound of Dad clapping Ken’s side to loosen the mucus so he could breathe better, while he laid on a long board propped against the wall…and Ken’s mist tent, and Ken’s green pills…And still Ken was on the tennis team and made straight A’s and was still my brother, after all, and CF didn’t and couldn’t change that. More houses, more moves, and Ken was off to college, and I was growing up. I sent him a care package with chocolate chip cookies, and Ken said his roommate told him they were so good he wanted to marry me—and then Ken told me he had someone he wanted me to meet. And I remember watching Isa, as she faced my brother, just before he put the ring on her finger, and she realized she still had on her lovely, long gloves, and she playfully plucked them off each finger, like this—and he looked at her. And I knew they were perfect for each other, and I was so happy. Both my brothers married extraordinary wives. And I remember a really difficult time in my life, just after Hurricane Andrew, when that Hurricane seemed to enter my heart, and I called Ken, and he said, “Well. Anything you need.†More stars… I remember the generous act of a stranger meant Kenny could finally take a deep breath, and another, and another. And time stretched a bit, and let go of him a bit… And Isa and Ken’s life was enriched by Zachary’s arrival, and then Sam’s. I remember meeting Zachary at my parent’s 50th Anniversary, and Ken saying, “Hey, watch this!†as he put Zach on top of his head and shook his hair on Zach’s belly, and Zach just chortled his baby laugh…and I knew Ken would be a wonderful Dad. And I remember when the space between us grew too wide, and neither of us seemed able to bridge the gap, and oh, what we missed in each other’s lives, what time we wasted. But, I remember last January, on my birthday, when I answered the door and there was the most beautiful bouquet, and I took the card and read, “Happy Birthday! Love, Ken and Isabela, Zachary and Sam.†And my heart just broke open, and I knew I was remembered. And loved. You could look at my brother’s life and say he got a raw deal—he was born with CF, he had to give up his career because of his health, he got cancer. Or you could see that he lived each day of his 59 years. He graduated with his Ph.D, got to work in Germany, married an amazing wife, raised two fantastic kids, helped many in the CF community, contributed to the lives of needy children, and was, in the end, a most kind and loving brother. And much more. I don’t know the lessons Ken’s death will teach me, except this— Live the life you are given—all of it, every moment. And, death will never be as strong as life. They say death gets the final word, but I hear Ken’s life singing loudly in this room. And you are the stars of his life. And look how much light there is! Darkness will never overcome it. I love you, Ken, and I will miss you. Edited October 17, 2017 by Chris in VA 40 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Beautiful! Thank you for sharing your brother with us. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Chris, I have tears in my eyes reading this. Thank you for sharing with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Lovely. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Thank you. That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing some of his life with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 That was beautiful Chris. I'm so glad he was able to live such a beautiful life for so long with CF. But sorry it was still too short. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 My eyes are sweaty. Thank you for sharing these bits of your brother with us. That story about the Christmas stockings - I can practically see it. And the wedding with the gloves. Hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 I have three older brothers, and reading that was so sweet. Please accept my condolences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EMS83 Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 That was so beautifully sweet. :crying: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 So many tears. Thank you for sharing that. I really do feel like I know your brother, even if it’s such a small window to look in on his life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Oh, that is beautiful. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs_JWM Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 That was so lovely, Chris. You have my deepest sympathy, and I am grateful that you shared stories of your dear brother with us. He sounds like a treasure. Sent from my Moto G (4) using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Such a wonderful tribute to your brother. He sounds like an incredible man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 I'm sitting here crying because I feel so sad for you, Chris. What a beautiful tribute to your brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Absolutely beautiful, Chris. (I took my Christmas stocking into my big brother's room, too.) :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 That was incredibly beautiful, Chris. Thank you for sharing him with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Thank you for sharing that with us. It's a beautiful tribute to a wonderful man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCB Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Beautiful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachaheart Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Beautiful Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam in CT Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Oh Chris, that is beautiful. Thank you for sharing :grouphug: , and my condolences for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 That is quite lovely. I have tears in my eyes. May Ken rest in peace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 What a touching eulogy; thank you for sharing it, Chris. Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 What a lovely tribute! Thank you for sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Chris, thank you for posting your eulogy and letting us get to know your brother. Hugs and condolences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LEOW3301 Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 What beautiful words! I’m sorry for your loss; you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Chris this is really lovely. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 (edited) That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing your brother and your childhood with us. I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs. Edited October 17, 2017 by Tina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 :grouphug: So sorry for your loss Chris. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 How beautiful! Thank you for sharing your brother with us and reminding us to live each day... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mbelle Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 That's a wonderful tribute. I'm glad you shared with us. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 What a beautiful and beautifully spoken tribute. So glad you reconnected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 What a beautiful and beautifully spoken tribute. So glad you reconnected. Me, too. It would have been even harder if we hadn't. I was extended such grace. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 So beautiful!!! Your family sounds amazing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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