Do you have friends?

[MomSchool5]

Do any of you have friends? Real life friends? I don't. Lots of aquaintances. How do you find someone you trust to talk to?

 

Mara

[swellmomma]

Nope not a one. The last time I made a friend and trusted someone she screwed me over BIG time, trusting her had been a had thing to do due to past problems with people. CHances are I will not fully trust someone again, I go online when I need to talk, it's a lot safer for me.

[abbeyej]

Yes. Thank goodness. :) It takes some work to get to know a few of those "acquaintances" better, to take those steps to become friends. But I do absolutely think it's worth it. Take the step. Invite someone you find pleasant but haven't spent much time with over for tea. Or invite her family to come along with yours for a laid back field trip. Or have the family over for lunch after church. Whatever fits in in your world...

 

You do have to make time for people, if you want an acquaintance to grow into a friend.

 

But I'm so very glad for the friends I have!

[MomSchool5]

I have been lonely for so long and recently our SS class had an assignment about visiting everyone on the class roles. You should have heard everyone cackle. Everyone is either working 60 hours a day, shuttling their kids to activities and when are they ever home.. Dh joined in this conversation enthusiastically about how silly this idea was in this day and age. He seems to have no need for friends. No one here homeschools either. Yes, I belong to a homeschool group but it is in a neigboring town. Dh has no interest in contributing/visiting. I'm caring for an elderly relative as well, so my time is extremely limited. I'm just so tired and lonely.

 

Mara

[elegantlion]

I did, then we quit going to their church and bam! no more friendship. What-eh-ver.

 

I have several ladies on here that I would consider to be good friends. It sounds so weird since I have never met them IRL. But they have stood by me as a friend would, they don't judge me by what I wear, where I live, or what I may look like. I allow them to peer deeper into my soul because of the respect they have shown to me. I hope they feel it reciporcated.

 

I have "talked" to them about some very personal issues and would turn to them before anyone I know IRL. My dh is a good sounding board, but there are some things I need to discuss with other women, kwim.

[abbeyej]

I did. Then we moved and it's just not the same. One I still keep up with by phone and it is better than not. She is a true friend but I haven't seen her in 11 months and she is only an hour away. I am working on it though.

 

I'm sorry... In my experience, it takes about 3 years before I suddenly realize some day that I *do* have friends where I live now, that I *do* have a real community. The first year is the hardest, and it's better after that -- but it's not till 3 years that I suddenly realize the new place has been home for a while, and I really do have friends there... ... I hope for you that 11 months means the worst is over and you'll start to feel at home and find yourself really connecting with people...

[Tracey in TX]

Yes, I do have friends but by homeschooling DCs it's been very challenging to maintain them. Everyone understands, but I do miss friends & daily chitchat. Seeing someone in the grocery store is like a really dorky "Love Story" scene of hugging and oogling.:D

There will be a time to refresh friendships later, but I do have to remind myself periodically that I chose to take care of children first. When my home is clean and quiet, we'll jump in and do lunch again. Until then my kiddos better keep me young, humored and happy! ROFL

 

It can be lonely staying at home all the time. Children's conversations aren't the same as an adult vent session. But there are women out there who still desire friendships even if it's not on their preferred schedule. And you always have your online friends to keep up your spirits. :grouphug: Have a great day and give yourself a Hive Hug!

[Philothea]

I wish I had more. My best friend lives in WA, and is moving to WI. Which only helps a little because I live in MA.

 

I do know people who I have over and consider friends, but they aren't really the type of friends that I can confide in and who will give me their time to discuss and confide in me also.

[Scarlett]

Do any of you have friends? Real life friends? I don't. Lots of aquaintances. How do you find someone you trust to talk to?

 

Mara

 

I have more friends than I have time for. :tongue_smilie: I have my best friend from childhood....she VERY recently moved from 3 1/2 hours away to just over an hour (our hometown) from me so that is great...and she has a sister that I'm close too as well...and I have 3 more that I would also consider very close friends. That doesn't even count all of my very very close aquaintances that could blossom into great friendships if I only had more time!

 

 

And my mom of course...couldn't do without her as my trusted confident and friend...although I admit there are a few things you don't want to discuss with your mother. :)

[melissel]

How do you find someone you trust to talk to?

 

 

I have one BFF. We met when we were sophomores in college (17 years ago! holy cow, I just did the math on that :scared:) and have been best friends ever since. I don't know where I'd be without her. But that tells you how hard it is for me to make friends!

 

Only just in the past year have I made any new friends that I really connect with. I started a playgroup for moms HSing younger kids and have really connected with the moms who form the core of the group (and one in particular). I'm not sure why the chemistry just totally works with this group, but it does. We parent similarly, have similar philosophies, etc. In the case of the one particular mom, we have similar personalities as well.

 

One thing that might have helped me is that I'm pretty open about everything. I don't feel the need to hold much back from friends who aren't particularly "close" (as you might have seen from some of my posts here :lol:). I don't know if that would help one get closer more quickly or not, but I don't feel like I can't tell my friends things that many consider personal. We discuss money, marriage, etc. pretty openly. Is that a factor? For them, I don't know. For me, maybe it helps me feel closer to others because I don't hold back much. I don't know. But there it is!

 

I do think it takes work, but I also think that if the chemistry's right then it's not so much work. With other acquaintances, it DID feel like work to further the friendship, and we just never really clicked. With these friends, it was almost automatic. Once we got past the "new member small talk" phase, we were all very comfortable.

 

As someone who struggles with social anxiety though, hear where you're coming from. I went for many years with just my one good friend. I usually feel far more comfortable and open on my own turf. Does it help if you invite people to your house for gatherings?

[Nestof3]

Yes, one of them has been my friend since I was 14 years old (she dated my brother). We still get together. We also enjoy making cards together.

 

Another is a newer friend, Daisychics on this board, that I met through a local homeschooling group. She's a wonderful person to be around and it has been great getting to know her better.

 

I have ladies at our home fellowship with whom I can talk to as well, but we are not really what I would call "friends" in that they never have time for much getting together due to so much house work and so many children. They are very family-centered and they live 45 minutes away.

[Plucky]

I have a lot of acquaintances and 2 good friends. It takes me a lot to become close to people. I think just putting myself out there has helped. My 2 good friends do not have the same religious or political belief system as me. It really is odd, but works so well. Don't limit yourself to just people that are obviously like you. :)

[Elm in NJ]

Not really. I had some really good friends when I lived in England, but these are people I knew since childhood. I have people I am friendly with here, but in my 18 years of living in New Jersey, I have never really had any good friends. That is probably mostly my fault though, my husband says I don't really let people get to close to me.

 

Thank goodness for Skype.

[Tabrett]

No real friend here. We have moved a lot in the past and I normally find one good friend. We have lived in the same area for 7 years and I haven't found a good friend yet. Dh and I talk about not having friends. I just can't seem to find a real like minded person to be my friend. I also lack "friendship" skills. I'm not interested in talking on the phone, going out for lunch or going shopping with a friend. Dh and I would like to do thing with other couples, but here again, we can't seem to find a like minded couple in similar circumstances to go out with. I kinda feel like dh and I are in "no mans land". We don't seem to have common interest with couples we meet. I really think it is because of where we live. Not many "down home" people living close to me.

[Stacy in NJ]

I have several friendly aquaintences and 2 very close friends. My two best friends are my step-sister and my freshman year college roommate, neither of whom live close to me. We talk weekly on the phone and e-mail back and forth. My friendly aquaintences are ladies from my neighborhood or other homeschoolers. I don't share as much with them but we do enjoy a movie or bookstore visit together frequently. As I've gotten older I've found that I really don't want to make new friends - lame, I know. But, I just don't have the interest or patience that establishing new intimate friendships require.

Edited November 4, 2008 by Stacy in NJ
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[Michelle T]

but mostly acquaintances.

 

It's very hard for me to get beyond the chatting at the park stage. I've always been shy, and it's always been hard for me to get beyond that.

Michelle T

[Nakia]

I am very blessed to have one BFF (since we were 13) and 3 really good friends, who I trust with all my heart. Also I am very very close with one of my brothers. And there is, of course, my DH!

[Kris]

Do any of you have friends? Real life friends? I don't. Lots of aquaintances. How do you find someone you trust to talk to?

 

Mara

 

I married him. There's no one else I trust to talk to about most things.

[rafiki]

.

[Highereducation]

I married him. There's no one else I trust to talk to about most things.

 

That's the way it is for me, too. The friends I have from high school and college all moved away, and although we keep in touch, it's not the same as when they all lived nearby.

 

I have trouble trusting people, particularly women. My older sister was a horror who belittled me for most of my childhood/young adulthood. We stopped speaking for good 7 years ago, and it's taken me that long to get her criticisms out of my head and feel like I'm not the terrible person she made me out to be.

 

My dh, on the other hand, has been my best friend for almost 20 years. We enjoy doing things together, and there is no one in the world who knows the real me the way he does. As much as I couldn't trust my sister, I would trust dh with my life. So as far as friends go, he is definitely my closest.

[lynn]

Yes, I have my husband, my sister, 2 best girlfriends from high school, and a very dear friend I met at church over 20 years ago. Now I have no one like that here even though I lived here for over 15years.

[Pretty in Pink]

well, i married my BEST friend :tongue_smilie:

 

i have my BFF from high school, we've been friends for almost 14 years now. i also have a few close girlfriends, some live far away now since we are military, and i have two close friends where i live now. it's during that third year of living in a new place that i seem to find my niche and make a few great friends, and then it's time to move again. oh well! that's what unlimited minutes and email are for!

[TXMomof4]

I do. If you had asked me 3 years ago, the answer would have been a resounding NO, but now, I do. Very good friends that I love. The funny thing is that I'm the youngest one in the group by a good 15 years. Most of them are single/divorced. None of them have children at home. I think I just have an old mind. I don't fit in with the other moms in our church or neighborhood.

I do have a few good friends that are my age and our children are growing up together, but they're all so busy that we don't have time to spend a lot of time just talking or whatever.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

My Dh, my mom and my best girlfriend that I've known since we were in middle school. My best girlfriend lives a few miles away and we chat/therapy daily. Her kids are in ps and she works, so we don't have much time together. I see my mom quite often and chat with her daily.

 

I haven't made a new friend in years. I have made many acquaintances. I seem to attract people that have a lot of drama in their lives and they wear me out pretty quickly - so I am actually happy when they stop calling!

 

I get lonely sometimes and would like to met up with a homeschooling mom for some adult conversation, but I just don't feel I have the energy to make new friends.

 

K

[Heather in Savannah]

however she lives 1,000 miles away. We talk on the phone several times a week, so keep in touch with each other's lives. I have really struggled in our new location (been here 2 yrs) to make friends. I have some acquaintences through homeschooling and church, but no one who I can share with and they share in turn.

[Only me]

I only have two real friends but I only see them a few times a year. Most of the friends I had in high school and colllege didn't last.

 

My dd is struggling with this right now in high school. She doesn't really have any real friends. She has a few people that she hangs out with at lunch time, etc. It seems that anytime she seems to develop a friendship those friends turn out to be fake. She wants to remain true to herself and won't change her personality just to fit in. Many times she just feels invisible.

 

It was that way for me in high school to. Even people I thought were my friends ended up turning on me. I met my first real friend when I was in my early 30's. (Except for dh of course :))

[chiguirre]

I have several friendly acquaintances. Honestly, for me, that level of closeness is enough to satisfy my social needs without being too much commitment. Plus I have the WTM boards...

[MrsMe]

No "real" friends. Nobody seems to need any. They're all busy running their kids somewhere every day. :confused: I'd love one good friend. I thought I was on the road to one, but she screwed me royally. What's up with that? Nobody has a conscience? Same w/people who plan something, but never call so you never know if an event is still on or off. There's no follow-up, no-show's without a call. And I'm not talking just me. It's just very strange.

 

We do all the calling, but no one ever reciprocates. Ever. Even kids. It's like their kids have siblings so they don't need anyone else. I only have one. But no one ever returns the favor by calling my dd to come over. We have older couple friends, but they're grandparentish. Not really anyone I'd call a real buddy.

 

Maybe we should wear more deoderant.:lol:

[Daisy]

I used to. Now I have acquaintances. We changed churches and started homeschooling, which it appears, has been the kiss of death to our old friendships.

[camibami]

As I've gotten older I've found that I really don't want to make new friends - lame, I know. But, I just don't have the interest or patience that establishing new intimate friendships require.

 

This is me, too. I have some friends from jr high, and my early 20's, and it seems that after that I lost the ability to make real friends. Just acquaintances. Frankly, I'm too busy.

[Rhonda in TX]

I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I do have are good ones. :)

 

My BFF (ha! feel so teenage'ish saying that) was my college roommate. We've been friends for 22 years. She is always, always there for me.

[newlifemom]

This has been an interesting thread. I have many friends. But, they all live in NY where we used to live. The funny thing is, as much as everyone wrote beautiful cards and such. We've only heard from a few. I'm not upset or anything. I guess I just had a diff. view of our relationship. We weren't friends as much as aquaintances. That's fine. It has been important for me to realize that we cannot be friends with everyone. While they may miss us, life is so busy that they didn't really see us or spend time with us outside church/homeschool/choirs etc. KWIM? So now, here I am across the country with some lovely family and no friends, yet. Although I am making a go of it with some different ladies I have met at church/homeschool/WTM boards ;). I am learning that it is more important to have a few good friends then many surface friends. Honestly, I get most of my socializing done here. I suppose some would find it weird, but I enjoy it. Nowhere else am I going to meet as many diverse, like-minded people. :D

[RJH]

Unfortunately, no. :crying: I've been dwelling on that a lot lately, too. I've had a few BFF over the years, but we've always grown apart for various reasons. I'm pretty shy, so it's hard for me to make new friends. Plus I'm stuck in the house all day with my daycare, and that makes it hard to meet people.

[Zelda]

What? Pfff. Of course I have friends. Why? What have you heard? Define 'friends'. Not everyone needs friends, you know. Some people are actually too cool for friends. People don't "get" them. I mean, I'm not one of them, I have tons of friends. Whatever. Who are any of you to judge?

[PinkInTheBlue]

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who truly feels her husband is her best friend. If I need someone to talk to about things I wouldn't talk to just anyone about, he's the one. I fear sounding cheesy when I say it :) but he really is my best friend.

 

I am still very good friends with a girl I graduated high school with but it's not that kind of relationship. I'd be there for her (and have) and I'm sure she'd be there for me but ... not the same. My mother is also a really great friend to me. Also not the same but close. I know I could tell my husband anything and he'd be there in whatever it meant.

[Rosie_0801]

I have a few. Not many, but definately worth having. Unfortunately they live 2 hours away! How do you find such people? They sort of happen. Sometimes you get introduced to someone, and you just know you will become friends. Doesn't happen often.

What's weird about your hubby being your best friend? Isn't he supposed to be?!

Maybe I'll find some more when I stop moving towns and actually stay put long enough...

:)

Rosie

[TraceyS/FL]

Here in town? Not really.... working on a couple from the kids gymanstics class. Of course, they want to move DD up to another class. NO NO, that is my ONLY social time.

 

I haven't clicked making many friends in the 5 years we have lived here.

 

My BFF since jr high is in CA 3,000 miles away.

 

I have other great friends i met online - but no one "here". I've been lucky enough to met a lot of them in person so they just aren't imaginary ones.

 

BUT, i'd like to have a few here in town too. :001_huh:

[sandellie4]

My DH, but that's pretty much it. I've always been shy, not the cute shy, not even when I was little, but the awkward, yuck shy. On and off throughout my life I've taken a swing at building a relationship or two, but then it turns out that I don't like them as much as I thought. I've pretty much decided that people don't like me much, but that maybe that's okay because I don't care for them much either. Most people seem so shallow to me, caring only for their own children, never anyone else's, expecting life to turn out lovely because it always has. I have special needs kids and I don't know anyone else who does, and people have been pretty cr*ppy and careless overall. I guess I sound a little bitter about it, and I guess I am. I'd rather hang with my family, as imperfect as we all are, than anyone else, any day of the week. Sandy

[Chris in VA]

I have the best friends anyone could ever have. In every place I've ever lived, I feel God has provided me with at least one dear, dear friend. I still have friends from my childhood, from college, and now from where we've lived for the past 7.5 years.

My two bff here in VA--one homeschools, and one is a therapist (not mine! lol). They are both so wonderful. We started our friendship by taking walks together--went to the same church. About 4 or 5 months later, I asked if they would like to undertake a "holy friendship," via the Cursillo reunion group method. Every week we would share our closest moment to Christ, and the ways we were staying close to God thru our piety, our study, and our action. We'd meet in the church, sometimes huddled in blankets from home, with the lights on the altar dimly lighting our way, and share deeply, things from the heart. It made us so very close.

 

Having friends like this is incredibly important to me. It takes some of the pressure off my hubby, but also lifts me, as I feel the Christian community is called to lift each other.

 

God is so good to me with my friends.

[bumbledeb]

Do any of you have friends? Real life friends? I don't. Lots of aquaintances. How do you find someone you trust to talk to?

 

Mara

 

I have lots of acquaintances too. I'm quite fond of some of them. As for someone to really trust to talk to, I would have to say my Mum, my Dad, my sister, dh, and my children.

[Nestof3]

I married him. There's no one else I trust to talk to about most things.

 

Wow -- I'm jealous of all of you.

[siloam]

Other than dh? (We have a better than normal relationship I think.) Nope.

 

Heather

[Storm Bay]

Yes, a couple of friends. A couple of really good acquaintances that share heart to heart conversations with me but only at activities (they're not very social). Mostly acquaintances. It took me a long time to make friends here once we left our old church, due, in part, to the local way of being where most people make friends when they're young and then stick with the same ones. So different than the more transient area I grew up in.

 

But dh and I don't have any real couple friends that we just hang out with. He has a friend he made in his bottle digging club and several times a month they go out digging together (it's something you only "get" if you like to dig for antique bottles, so don't ask me to explain why people get up at 5 am to go dig for bottles ;)). Dh and his family have always been ones to have only a few friends, but I grew up with parents who have many friends, as I did when I was growing up, so it was a big adjustment to have so few. In fact, it was almost a revelation when I realized that my worth isn't measured by how many friends I have!

[Frontier Mom]

Only my dh. Other than that I don't have anyone I would tell anything private. Being in the ministry and homeschooling, I find it too difficult to establish friendships. If they go to my church, they think I never sin, I only listen to church music, only read Christian books, etc. Don't tell them any different, OK?

 

People are nice but not close. I feel they don't want me to know them too well, IYKWIM. However, its always been that way and it doesn't bother me much anymore. I'm so darn busy all the time now and I just don't have the time or energy to invest in a friendship.

 

Sometimes it bothers me because I am not close to my Mom, sister, etc. and I feel so alone at times. However, most of the time I like my own time and being by myself doesn't bother me. I'm actually a loner anyway. I actually consider ya'll my good friends and that suits me just fine.

[kalanamak]

I have grown weary of losing them, and thus have none now.

My closest friend of 20 years really drifted closer to my ex when we divorced and didn't approve of my new hubby. That was the final loss. I will admit, I would still have real hurt if I lost my rapport with my sister or youngest brother.

 

I do have people at work I trust and could talk to. I might only see them once every other year outside work, but I see them 5 days a week and we solve problems together, really tough problems, and we are in the trenches together, so that there that kind of closeness.

 

Today I told the team I found out last night my "always lucky, golden boy" brother has undifferentiated metastatic cancer and the outlook is poor. Everyone was so sympathetic and we held up report so I could relate all the details. I felt genuinely cared for, and yet I don't know where most of these people live and often don't know their last name. It is the nature of the place I work.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have wonderful friends of all ages. But I often share different heart issues with different friends just because of what they can relate to. My girlfriend who would come in a heartbeat if there was an emergency is married but has no children (which is actually why I know she could come in a heartbeat). I of course mention my kids to her but do not go on and on about them. I have other friends who I connect with over matters of faith or kids or homeschooling but not necessarily all three. My dh is my best friend in many ways and knows many of my innermost fears etc. but he is a man and does not "get" some things that only a girl friend will get. Sometimes I feel like none of my friends or family or even my dh understands me at certain times. But I always know that God understands me 100% 24/7.

[nmoira]

I have two very good friends and a small handful (but more than a pinch) of relatively close acquaintances/friends. I can't imagine not having that kind of social, emotional and intellectual outlet.

[Danestress]

I'm not sure what makes my friends "real" friends. I think, trite as it sounds, it's knowing I am loved and just really really liking them. I'm not necessarily one to have super top secret confidential talks with friends, and at the same time, I am fairly free to talk to 'friends' in general as opposed to having just one or two I confide in. Maybe I don't have that much that feels extra private.

 

Anyway, I do have girl friends who I really like, who I can count on to be there for me, and who I can laugh and relax with and know I am okay to be myself.

[Jennifer3141]

I have a core group of women I camp with every year for a week or more at a time and we have created a private bulletin board on the internet and /or chat on the phone with each other everyday.

 

I have a best friend who lives in my old hometown 100 miles away. I chat with her 1-3 times a day, most days. We're getting busier now but are careful not to lose track of each other.

 

I have book club friends who I am starting to really connect with, despite our age differences.

 

And I'm growing a group from our local homeschooling group that I think is going to become more and more important in my life outside of homeschooling someday.

 

So, YES. I have some very close friends and some good friends, and some new friends who are developing.

 

Jen

[mom31257]

Yes, the person who is my very best friend is my husband. I can talk to him about most anything. He's the least judgmental person I know, including myself. My 2 sisters are my best friends, too. They don't live here, but not very far away. We have "sister weekends" of just us 3 girls (nursing babies were allowed) at least once every year and have done this since 1985. This last time, we allowed my dd to come along. She was thrilled! I also feel very close to my mother. I'm probably closer than my sisters are.

 

I have a very good friend in the homeschool community here. We've been getting to know each other for about a year. We've lived here just over 4 years and I've not had the close relationships I experienced in the other places we lived. I'm glad she and I are becoming close.

 

I'm thankful my life has been so blessed!