Teresa in MO Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Since my dh passed away in September I have not been sleeping well, but I have been sleeping. Anywhere from 5-8 hours a night. I have a Fitbit charge that tracks my sleep. I have also had alot of anxiety the past few months due to various health issues, which most have turned out to be a result of my anxiety. I have been taking a magnesium supplement. Sunday night I literally did not sleep at all, zero, zip. No matter what I did I could not get to sleep. Monday night, because I was so exhausted, I slept good, 8 1/2 hours. I felt the best yesterday that I have for months, was hoping maybe it was a turning point. Last night, again, I could not sleep at all. I even took 5 mg of melatonin and no sleep. Finally, at 7:00 this morning, I took Benedryl. Slept for 2 hours. I am so exhausted I can barely walk and haven't even thought of eating this morning. I have a horrible headache. Is there something else out there that will help me sleep. I would prefer natural supplements instead of prescription sleeping pills. I am no good to anyone here, and I still have 2 that I am homeschooling. Please, offer any suggestions you can think of. I also run a diffuser with lavender in it. I am getting desperate here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Is your bedroom as dark as possible? Dark and cool is supposed to be best for sleep. Dim all lights before bedtime, maybe consider getting an orange tinted bulb or two (blue light prevents your body from producing melotonin). Try some relaxation/meditation exercises before bedtime. Turn on a soothing but boring (non fiction) sort of audio book (this one is not a tip I found anywhere else, just something that works for me. I use the Audible app which has a sleep timer; my brain needs something to focus on instead of racing thoughts, but it can't be so interesting it keeps me awake). Half a unisom tablet is often enough to make me drop off if other things don't work. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 (edited) http://file.scirp.org/pdf/PSYCH_2013081215123494.pdf Here is an article on EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) Here is a video for EFT for sleep: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nj2NOsiMWyA Here are several videos you can try for anxiety: https://m.youtube.com/results?q=eft%20anxiety&sm=1 One thing I'd like to point out is to make sure you tap on the correct points, it's easy to get off and tap in the wrong spot on the face. Tap right at the end of your eyebrow on the edge of the bone by the bridge of your nose, outside of the eye is on the edge of the bone of the eye socket, and under the eye is directly under the center of your eye on the edge of the eye socket bone again. Use a mirror to keep you on track at first. Some of these videos might be in the "general area", but not exactly on the points. You can also search for EFT practitioners in your area if you require extra help. Eta: :grouphug: :grouphug: Edited February 1, 2017 by fraidycat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 are you doing anything for the anxiety? stress can drive up cortisol levels, which will increase anxiety and interfere with sleep. you can try some adaptogens otc. they support the adrenals. we've had fabulous results with doulglas labs ashwaghanda (higher concentration of withaniloids than most) paired with bacopa works best. I also used relora for awhile - and it really helped. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2samlibby Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I've been taking these for a few months. They've really helped me with insomnia. http://www.nutritionbreakthroughs.com/html/sleep_remedy_for_insomnia_help.html I hope you are able to get some rest. ((Hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Are you getting enough exercise? Getting into a regular exercise routine was a game-changer for my sleep patterns. I walk vigorously 5-6 times a week, sometimes substituting with biking, skiing or swimming. I also began doing some weight bearing/beginnig lifting videos. :grouphug: Anne 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I was just going to ask what Anne did. Are you getting any exercise? Exercise is the most UNDER used anti-depressant/anti-anxiety and food is the most over used. When I went to see my doc two years ago for what turned out to be stress and anxiety, he said I absolutely MUST exercise 30 minutes a day. Even if it's just for a walk. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 The steps to sleep for me are: 1. exercise (preferably early in the day) 2. bedtime routine (no electronics! read a book to get my mind off my anxieties) 3. melatonin (I take 3 mg, 30 minutes before I plan to be asleep) When any of these are missing, I won't get much sleep, and my stress levels are nowhere near as high as yours must be! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCB Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Sorry you are going through this. Things are so much harder to cope with when you aren't getting enough sleep. It might help you get back into a better pattern if you were to take some kind of sleeping aid for a couple of weeks. I can understand you not wanting something long term. Also, I think that taking melatonin regularly for a while might work better than just here and there, when you are having a very bad night. I don't have too much trouble with falling asleep, but sometimes I wake up and can't get back to sleep because of what is going on in my head. One thing that I do is uncover myself completely until I feel pretty cold, then, something about snuggling under the covers again makes me feel much more relaxed and likely to go back to sleep. Not sure if this will help but thought I'd mention it. I will be sure to pray for you, that you are able to sleep, if I wake during the night. Hope you can find something to help. :grouphug: :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I was just going to ask what Anne did. Are you getting any exercise? Exercise is the most UNDER used anti-depressant/anti-anxiety and food is the most over used. When I went to see my doc two years ago for what turned out to be stress and anxiety, he said I absolutely MUST exercise 30 minutes a day. Even if it's just for a walk. :iagree: And, make sure you get outside and get natural light on your face/body for at least 30 minutes per day. So sorry you are going through this. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 My dmil and all her widow friends say they used sleep aids for at least a year after their dhs passed. Even people who wanted to do everything naturally changed their minds. Please see your doctor, you need sleep to function for your family. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xixstar Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Valerian and hops are herbs that help with sleep. I will take them to help sleep occasionally. I have them in a tincture (it's awful tasting) and also herb capsules. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 My dmil and all her widow friends say they used sleep aids for at least a year after their dhs passed. Even people who wanted to do everything naturally changed their minds. Please see your doctor, you need sleep to function for your family. Yes, prescription sleep aids are the next step I'd recommend and they are very common after emotional upheaval and grief. Very. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Xanax? Really though, you lost your husband. You need to be allowed, as in, allow yourself to grieve. But I would go for the Xanax. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIOnly Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 ((hugs)) My sleeplessness started when my dad died suddenly in my twenties, although I was always a light sleeper. I took Benadryl and melatonin with success for many years. You want to take the benadryl early in the evening so you're not groggy in the morning. With melatonin, I've found brand matters and so does making sure I get the time release kind. I take Source Naturals. I would start with a good melatonin first and then add in a benadryl only if necessary. It's always good to see a doctor, but the previous might help in the meantime. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 My MIL also used prescription sleep aids after she lost her husband suddenly. She doesn't have to use them now, by the way. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I'd get a work up of everything first- thyroid panel, all the basics, D3!!! Thyroid status can really affect sleep and I've noticed a HUGE difference in my sleep w/ d status. Assuming that checks out ok I'd head for prescriptions sleep ads. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 (edited) When I need it I take 1 z-quil. That's a half dose. Works amazingly well and I'm well above average size. ETA - it's non habit forming. Edited February 1, 2017 by FriedClams Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexigail Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 If it's anxiety related, I'd treat that first. Speaking form my own experience, anxiety medication helps with my sleep tremendously. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I hope you can find something that works for you soon. things that help me is daily exercise before 2/3p, no caffeine after 2p, eat light dinner, limit night time carbs, electronics off after 7. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I hope you find relief soon. I don't have any suggestions that haven't already been made but I wanted to say hi and :grouphug: Sleep is really important. Obviously....:) My issues with sleep began in my late 30s with menopausal symptoms. Then it got worse when I had a terrible trauma in my life. I almost think the trauma brought the menopause on full force and maybe early. So it wouldn't hurt to get a full check up and have your hormones all checked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 (edited) It's not quite the same situation, but for the first two weeks that my husband deployed to Iraq, I couldn't sleep at all. I became a walking zombie. I finally broke down and bought some over-the-counter Unisom. I took the full dose the first night and slept, but I felt groggy the entire next day. (I had six children to care for on my own, so I needed to be at the top of my game during the daytime.) I took half-doses afterwards, and it worked perfectly. After I felt I was caught up on rest (three or four days? five days? ), I stopped taking them and could then sleep on my own. It's not a "natural" remedy, but it did work for me. Edited February 1, 2017 by Kinsa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 My mil's sister, a widow, called mil's doctor and got her a sleep aid prescription when her first husband passed away. Hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 My dmil and all her widow friends say they used sleep aids for at least a year after their dhs passed. Even people who wanted to do everything naturally changed their minds. Please see your doctor, you need sleep to function for your family. There's nothing wrong with taking something for awhile. I promise, you shouldn't worry about becoming too dependent on it. It's just for a bit. Just till your grief settles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 My sister lost her husband and my dad lost my mom and both needed prescription sleep aids for at least a year. My sister tried everything- she really likes to avoid drugs if she can. But nothing was working well enough. The sleep aids and some grief counseling did the trick and she rarely needs anything to help her sleep now. Dad is still struggling with sleep- prescription meds helped a lot but he felt it was talking the easy way out and he stopped taking them. But for the year he took them, they helped a lot. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto3innc Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 My husband has major sleep issues. His best routine is: -exercise -no caffeine after mid morning -down time in bed with no screens right before sleep --and most of all, Zquill. It's not habit forming and it has worked better for him than anything else. If it hadn't he would have done prescription meds. Sleep is just too important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Please don't take this wrong, but you may need treatment for anxiety, perhaps both medication and talk therapy. You may not feel like you have anxiety, but you can cope fine during the day and then have it spill into the night. I have a family member with significant physical and psychological problems, and it's made a huge difference for me. Unless my IBS acts up, I sleep well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pronghorn Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 You could try sunglasses in the two hours before bed. You can find out more at lowbluelights.com. This method changed my life but your anxiety may override the melatonin production. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martha in GA Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 I have nothing to add, but I'll pray for you. I cannot even imagine the pain of losing my husband. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through. I second getting prescription sleep meds for awhile, and see if that works. I went through something similar following my dh's brain injury. I felt like I tossed and turned half the night. I did try some anxiety medicine but it didn't work for me. Different things that helped me: eating or drinking a very small protein snack an hour or two before bed. (a glass of milk, a handful of almonds, etc.) Reading a book for awhile in bed that was interesting but didn't work up my emotions. The reading would help calm my mind and distract me from thinking about things that weren't helpful. Taking a NyQuil dose for a couple nights before bed. I never did that for more than two nights in a row. But two nights of really good sleep would often put my body back into a better sleep pattern. (I would sometimes need to do that every six months or so.) Keeping my phone nearby and without getting out of bed, I'd play a game of Dots if I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I know experts tell you not to go on your phone at night, but playing just a couple games of that while still in bed would make my mind sleepy again! It's just kind of a mindless game. This actually worked very well for me. Another thing that worked was reading this Board for about five minutes! I'd find a topic that I was interested in, then put my phone away, and compose my response in my mind. Partly a distraction technique (kept me from thinking about other things), and also, somehow whenever I compose something in my mind during the night that isn't personal to me (so it doesn't trigger an emotional response at all) I usually get sleepy. Lastly, don't be afraid to just get up for an hour! I used to think that I had to do everything possible to fight waking up, and would end up tossing and turning for the longest time. But sometimes, if nothing else worked, I'd throw on my bathrobe and and just get up. I'd go downstairs to the living room where it was nice and quiet, and read a book under a blanket, drink hot milk, sometimes a glass of wine, or whatever. So, instead of fighting waking up, I would just get up and enjoy the peace, and my mind was comfortable with that. I've come to enjoy that hour or two when it's just me awake, with nothing I need to do and everyone else is sleeping. Usually within an hour or so my eyes get sleepy and then I'm really ready to go back to bed. Anyway, those are things that have worked for me. Good luck!! Edited February 2, 2017 by J-rap 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 ZzzQuil is basically Benadryl - 50 mg diphenhydramine - plus alcohol. So it's probably much cheaper to get store-brand Benadryl in the allergy relief section and drink a glass of wine than to buy ZzzQuil. And probably tastes better too. ;) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 If you are open to non-dependent sleep meds, then you could ask your doc about trazadone to help get you through this time. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billswife Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Be careful with Melatonin, it brings on severe depression for me when I've used it. Even all natural things can have side effects. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Be careful with Melatonin, it brings on severe depression for me when I've used it. Even all natural things can have side effects. That's fascinating. We use melatonin occasionally to help the kids sleep. I'll have to watch out for this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Ahh, I'm sorry for your loss. My Dad passed away Aug. 2015. I'm sure you're experiencing anxiety, but ask yourself how if these symptoms just appeared after your Dad passed away or did they exist before. most of the list below is from research, first-hand experience and tips from my sleep clinic: "change" are you at that age I agree with the first reply about a darker/cooler room don't eat too close to bedtime no caffeine close to bedtime (the older I get the closer to the start of the day I have to stop drinking coffee. I used to be able to drink it all day, then stop by 2 pm, then noon and now it's earlier. adequate exercise drink warm milk, romaine lettuce with last meal transition time - make a transition from the busyness of your day to sleep by reading in bed, etc. I would avoid tv as it's a stimulant. use this time to "relax" especially since your Dad passed away recently. get morning sun do you snore? do you have restless legs? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 (edited) Ahh, I'm sorry for your loss. My Dad passed away Aug. 2015. I'm sure you're experiencing anxiety, but ask yourself how if these symptoms just appeared after your Dad passed away or did they exist before. It is OP's husband who passed away. Edited February 3, 2017 by maize 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teresa in MO Posted February 3, 2017 Author Share Posted February 3, 2017 Thanks, everyone, for all the advice. I took Zzquill last night and slept for 8 1/2 hours. I do have some anxiety and am working through that. I am going to my dd's house on Sunday and spending the week with my 5 grandchildren. I think the change of scenery will be good for me. I am looking for a grief counselor to see. Up until now, I have been able to sleep at least 4 hours, most of the time 6- hours. Not sure why all of a sudden I'm not sleeping well. I am hoping to avoid prescription meds, but I am not opposed to taking them if nothing else will work. This is definitely the hardest thing I have ever gone through. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 It is OP's husband who passed away. Thank you, Maize. Appreciate that. And, OP, I'm so very sorry. You've been through a lot. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1GirlTwinBoys Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 (edited) Sorry about your husband and health issues you're having. My suggestions would be a dark room, keep it cool with a fan running in the background for white noise. I've never tried nature sounds but maybe that would be helpful. Benadryl is enough to help me if needed. ETA: Coffee is not an option for me anytime of the day. I can only drink decaf. Edited February 3, 2017 by 1GirlTwinBoys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Magnesium 5-HTP valerian running Bergamot alternating with Vetiver essential oil in the diffuser Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 I take trazadone, I am on a low dose so still have some issues but I do sleep every night and usually about 7 hours. On not so good days, I get about 5. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 I use valerian root quite successfully. I have the tea from Altiva. Most nights, I drink one cup, but on a very anxious evening, I'll drink 3 and I fall asleep very easily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 When my ds #3 was sleeping through the night, I found myself unable to. I went through sleep studies and tried a slew of anti-depresents just so that I could sleep. I too had a ton of stress that I hadn't been able to deal with properly due to the business of life in general. What helped me was being on an anti-anxiety drug for about a year. I would take it at night and for the first time in years, would sleep through the night. Life became bearable again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*LC Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 I'm sorry to hear that you are having trouble sleeping. When my husband died I did not take any sleep medicine regularly, but I probably should have. I had two friends who went through a similar loss around the same time did. It was exactly what they needed, and I probably should have tried some. On nights that when I just couldn't sleep, I tried melatonin. It gave me crazy night terrors; I even called 911 (more than once.) Since I did not take it regularly, I did not make the connection. (I later read about that unusual side effect here on these boards. My kids have who have taken melatonion have done so without any issues.) Someone mentioned white noise, and I will say that sometimes my bedroom is too quiet. It was never quiet when my husband was here. I will turn on the TV to something I don't particularly care about and face the other way. If you do this, it works best with a sleep timer, so it turns itself off. If I don't do this, the noise will sometimes wake me up later in the night, which is not good for a good night's sleep. Another thing I noticed when I could not sleep, I had started sleeping on my husband's side of the bed. We had moved, and the bed faced a different direction. It took me a while to figure it out, but once I moved back to the side of the bed that had been mine for all our married life, I slept fine again. Enjoy your time with your grandchildren. I hope the change in routine breaks this no-sleep cycle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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