If you were near debt free, would you move to HCOL area?

[Janeway]

Just rethinking this...

 

let's say you firmly have maybe 8-10 months worth of salary saved up for emergencies. You are near debt free, enough that if you took the 8-10 months worth of salary saved up and paid off your only debt, you would be debt free, would you consider moving to a HCOL area, even though you would have to take out a bunch of debt in the form of a new mortgage? OR, would you take advantage of the savings (which means you are spending that savings in the meantime) to continue to look for jobs in the LCOL areas? Remember, relocating to a HCOL area would mean a time commitment to stay there because they paid for relocation, so it is not as simple as just look for a new job soon after moving.

 

edited to add: our current house is more than what we need, so with our next move, we had hoped to go enough less expensive on the next house to be 100% debt free. We could easily do that and stay here and still have a nice enough house.

Edited December 23, 2016 by Janeway

[Anne in CA]

I have never lived in a really HCOL area, but higher than average and it is hard to not want to keep up with the Jones. I probably would not move unless we REALLY needed the job. And we didn't move to Atlanta when dh got fired 3 1/2 years ago partly because I knew that even though in the payment industry he could easily make 250k, it wouldn't allow us to keep up and we'd feel behind. Also, we move 9 hours away from family and that turned out to be too much. So glad we didn't go to Atlanta, that would have been a disaster. 

[JenneinCA]

What are the job prospects in the new area?

 

We moved from Phoenix, AZ - a relatively low cost of living place, to the San Francisco Bay Area - a very very expensive cost of living place. We had little more than a relocation package, a job, and the knowledge that the job we were looking for just wasn't in Phoenix. We knew that if we moved that we would not have to move for the job again. There are plenty of computer geek jobs here.

 

It was rough for the first about three years, until the raises in salary caught up with the cost of living. We were in a great place with lots of stuff to do and we didn't have money for most of it. The library was our friend. The local park was our play place. We mostly enjoyed the sunshine and didn't go anywhere that cost money.

 

Then things got better. And I know that it was the right call. There are people that got similar offers to ours that chose to stay in Phoenix. The job that they were hoping for did not appear. They ended up moving too, but without the relocation package and the job at the other end.

[Annie G]

Being out of work is tough, especially for the breadwinner who is not able to take care of the family. So if that's the situation, I would move. However, I would sell my house and find a rental in the new area, at least for a year.   After a year you can decide whether it's working out and you want to put down some roots. 

[Farrar]

I live in a HCOL area. I know that some here see it differently, but I wouldn't think twice about the mortgage in most places because the real estate market is likely to be solid. ETA: Of course, check on the market... I wouldn't have said that just before the bubble burst and make sure if you're going to buy that what you buy has a solid resale potential down the road and not a cruddy condo way out in the exurbs or something.

 

The bigger issue is the pay. See what it takes to live there and make sure you can afford it on the salary. For a lot of jobs, you make a lot more, but you pay a lot more for everything. It comes out a wash. Which, if it's where you want to live and can be happy (a lot of HCOL areas have great amenities, it's why it's expensive to be there) then that's great. But some jobs don't have a big enough pay bump so you're fighting an uphill battle.

Edited December 23, 2016 by Farrar

[Arcadia]

We are debt free now and we would be willing to move to a higher COL if it means more opportunities for our kids and decent job opportunities for us.

 

This is a question that you have to run your own numbers and then see if you can ask a few relocation consultants for opinions. Expat forums are useful for getting local info too.

 

Some companies would pay for the relocation bond cost if they want your husband to jump ship after he has relocated. Basically buy out his bond.

 

It was rough for the first about three years, until the raises in salary caught up with the cost of living. We were in a great place with lots of stuff to do and we didn't have money for most of it. The library was our friend. The local park was our play place. We mostly enjoyed the sunshine and didn't go anywhere that cost money. .

Same here except we moved from a HCOL country but we had a mortgage to pay at each location initially. My kids were under 5 then. My parents paid for all the extras like trips to Legoland, Disneyland, Grand Canyon, Lake Tahoe as well as for their gym class as my kids were very late walkers.

[Carol in Cal.]

I have lived in a high COL area most of my life.  It's a tight rope walk in a lot of ways.  You really stretch to get your house, and it's small.  And you might not be able to EVER trade up to a size that most people would consider reasonable.

 

But, if you lose your job you can eventually usually find another one.  There are a LOT of jobs here.  OTOH, if you lose your job it's very easy to lose your home as well, sometimes at a loss, which is a longterm disaster. 

 

We have a great climate, and lots of things to do.  We also have horrendous traffic, some of the worst in the country.  That is, of course, mitigated by homeschooling and picking offpeak times to move around. 

 

So there are tradeoffs in abundance.

 

One thing I will say--any port in a storm.  If we didn't have an income, I wouldn't be debating preferences.  I'd be hustling to get an income, and then building from there. 

[catz]

Ahh...that actually makes a lot of sense. Plus they have the money.

 

Ok - I would just say I would consider it really risky as a parent of many young kids (which I think you are?) to COMPLETELY deplete emergency funds in favor of paying of debt.  I do think it's a balancing act when you're out of work.  Your DH is in a tech field, correct?  Is he getting a lot of interest on his resume?

 

We live in a moderately high cost of living area.  It's higher than it looks on paper because it's a spread out metro.  We downsized to move into the city. I have absolutely no desire to live more rural.  It just depends how you prefer to live.

 

What I would say would depend on how much interest he's generated in his resume.  If he has 30 resumes out and has heard from a handfull of companies interested in talking to him would be different than if it's been months and he's heard from one company in this single HCOL area.  I think if he has options, it's good to keep them open as long as possible.  If it's already been too long and this is a singular offer with nothing else on the table, well, I might try to make it work for a couple years.

 

ETA - I think the idea of renting in a new metro for a period of time is a really good one.  I know more than one family who has moved to our metro and regretted the location choice they made for buying a home from a distance.  It's good to be able to live a little and see what areas draw you. 

Edited December 23, 2016 by WoolySocks

[Janeway]

 

 

Ok - I would just say I would consider it really risky as a parent of many young kids (which I think you are?) to COMPLETELY deplete emergency funds in favor of paying of debt. I do think it's a balancing act when you're out of work. Your DH is in a tech field, correct? Is he getting a lot of interest on his resume?

 

We live in a moderately high cost of living area. It's higher than it looks on paper because it's a spread out metro. We downsized to move into the city. I have absolutely no desire to live more rural. It just depends how you prefer to live.

 

What I would say would depend on how much interest he's generated in his resume. If he has 30 resumes out and has heard from a handfull of companies interested in talking to him would be different than if it's been months and he's heard from one company in this single HCOL area. I think if he has options, it's good to keep them open as long as possible. If it's already been too long and this is a singular offer with nothing else on the table, well, I might try to make it work for a couple years.

 

ETA - I think the idea of renting in a new metro for a period of time is a really good one. I know more than one family who has moved to our metro and regretted the location choice they made for buying a home from a distance. It's good to be able to live a little and see what areas draw you.

I don't know if it is the time of year or what, but he has sent out tons of resumes and gotten little to no interest, except that one.

[bettyandbob]

Sometimes you have to go to HCOL areas because that's where the jobs and  long term career advancement opportunities are. So, yes if that's where the main source of income for the family is most likely to be I would. 

[DawnM]

Depends:

 

Do you want to move there?  

Is there a job there?

Does the job pay enough to live reasonably comfortably?

 

Do you like where you currently live?  Why do you want to leave?  

 

Too many variables for me to really comment.

 

That said, we live in a fairly LCOL and I would move back to my HCOL in a nano-second if the family would agree.

[EmilyGF]

I've basically always lived in a HCOL area.

They are HCOL because there are jobs and opportunities and people want to live there. They are exciting places to live.

 

We chose a higher cost of living area long term because there are many more long term opportunities here compared with other areas. If my husband changed careers or I went back to work, there would be many opportunities for both of us. Our kids could follow many career paths here, beyond the many things there are to do right now.

 

Emily

[HomeAgain]

We are near debt free.  We will be by June, and by August have a good bit in savings as well.

 

We are moving to a HCOL.

 

BUT - dh is making 3x as much than he was before.  And we don't plan to continue our housing situation.  Instead of a stand alone home w/mortgage and all, we'll be moving to an apartment for at least a year to get to know the new area, find a good deal on a house, and understand the variable costs there better before plunging into home ownership again.

[ktgrok]

Would depend. We looked at one HCOL area (Boston area) and it is just TOO high cost of living, without enough of a pay bump. From what i can tell there are very few people living on one income there, it is just too hard. So no, that won't work for us. It would mean me going back to work, and we don't want to do that. But other areas, maybe. Depends on salary vs housing, etc. 

[gardenmom5]

if we were nearly debt free (larger down payment = smaller mortgage payment.) - and needed to move for employment, and it was a growth area (boy is it ever!  dd bought a house three years ago.  just refinanced to a lower interest rate, so had a professional appraisal . . . lots of profit.) -yes, I would probably move.

 

what is the likelihood he'll find a job where you're at before your savings runs out?  will that pay what he had been making? 

 

eta: I'm in the area you were looking at.

Edited December 23, 2016 by gardenmom5

[Scarlett]

Probably not.

 

If your current house is more than you need you can sell and downsize and if you have no mortgage and are debt free otherwise you really can get by on a much smaller salary.

 

Moving is expensive. Unless you already were wanting to move to a certain area.....I wouldn't do it for a job.

 

My Dh is out of work.....has been more months...but honestly he just got serious in the last month or so. And this is a terrible time of year to find work.

 

Patience.

[HomeAgain]

Janeway, one thing in our situation is dh moved to the new area well before us.  We did all the math on paper and realized if we split the household for a year we actually saved money and had higher long term benefits than if we all moved right away.  He's there in a small flat, we're here in a modest house.  It means a lot of facetiming and occasional visits, but in the long run it'll be worth it.

[Carol in Cal.]

Janeway, one thing in our situation is dh moved to the new area well before us.  We did all the math on paper and realized if we split the household for a year we actually saved money and had higher long term benefits than if we all moved right away.  He's there in a small flat, we're here in a modest house.  It means a lot of facetiming and occasional visits, but in the long run it'll be worth it.

This is a good point.  And sometimes a job like that turns out to just be a short term play.

 

My husband has a colleague whose family stayed in Minnesota when he took a job out here.  He travels back to MN 2-3X/month, and he stays there longer than just a weekend--works remotely on his computer from there to extend each visit.  He plans to do this for just a few years and then quit and move back completely.  

[displace]

Not likely. I don't know if it's possible for you all, but I'd widen the search. I'd focus on low COL places near family as a priority.

[zyxwvut]

I guess I wouldn't think the debt free bit had much to do with where I was willing to move.  I also don't think that a debt that equals 8-10 months of salary would count as "nearly debt free."  Using the median salary in the US (about 50k), that's over 40k of debt.  Unless that was just in your house, that's a lot of debt.  If it is just your house, and you plan to sell, then it just wouldn't factor in my mind at all.

 

To me the question, then, is could I maintain paying on the debt, and manage living in the HCOL place.  Would the salary be enough to keep us moving in the right direction?  Right now isn't exactly a time to try to clear the slate, but rather, hold tight to what you have, and just walk the tightrope.  

 

Personally, unless the salary wouldn't be enough for that area, I'd probably move.  But I wouldn't pay off the debt to do it.

 

 

[FriedClams]

No. I would not.

 

I prefer to have margin.

 

I don't want to have to feel the need to "keep up" with anyone.

 

I like to travel so I'm happy to go to a high col area to visit, then go home. I'd rather have margin to travel.

 

There are SO MANY hidden expenses in high COL areas that I would have a hard time with (from gas to food to the expectation of private college).

 

With the exception of CA, most high COL areas are cold in the winter. I hate being cold. I know that sounds lame, but I really hate snow.

[Lanny]

No. I was born and raised in a very high COL area (in CA).  The house we lived in when I was a boy is worth approximately 2 million dollars now.  Location Location Location.  I cannot even begin to imagine what the Property Taxes on that house are now.    I left CA because of the High COL and the traffic and smog and never regretted it.   You would have NO control over the other costs in your life, which are also much higher than in an area with a low COL.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

It wouldn't be my first choice.  I grew up in a high cost area.  Not fun for so many reasons.  The salary needs to be a high cost area salary too.  Not just competitive with the average for that industry.  If the salary leaves you at the same level you are currently despite the high cost, then I guess you aren't taking a step back.  When DH got a new job we moved from a high cost area to a more moderate cost area and it was a real boost.  The crazy thing is the salary in the high cost area never made up for the fact it was a high cost area. 

 

But really there are so many factors.  If that is where the best job is then it makes sense to go there.  Another thing we considered was, does the new area have other jobs in the field?  We didn't want to move again if we could help it.  That turned out to be wise because the job DH took when we moved was federally funded and that was at the height of the recession so there was constant hint of lay offs (sadly because he really liked the job).  He just found another job because that was too stressful.  There were plenty of other options in the area. 

 

 

[G5052]

Depends on other, broader factors for us.

 

We are debt-free and live in a high COL.

 

We are at the point where having access to the universities here is important. DS is finishing up at a top-rated community college and will be attending a top-20 business school next year. DD will go to the same community college in the fall and wants to transfer to a unique program at the same 4-year where DS will attend.

 

Both shouldn't have any problems getting a job in this area if they choose to stay.

 

DH needs nationally-ranked specialists, and we have an excellent community hospital near by.

 

My roots are here, and I can't imagine moving at this point. I work from home and can live anywhere with a high speed internet connection.

 

So yes, high COL, but it's doable because of what we've sacrificed to stay here.

[ktgrok]

Is your husband working with a recruiter/head hunting firm yet?

[lmrich]

Depends on so many things... how long has he been looking for work, what is the weather like in the new area, what are the opportunities for the kids like in the new area, can you find a house that you can afford and love? Can you and do you want to change your lifestyle - I would love to live in a walk-able community and/or use public transportation. Maybe you could rid of a car... There are so many factors to consider.  Another I would consider is his commute time.

[regentrude]

If that's where the job is, sure. 

We didn't have a choice of location, we moved where the job was. Both HCOL and LCOL have pros and cons. As Emily pointed out, in a HCOL area there are usually more job opportunities, educational opportunities, etc. 

 

As I said repeatedly in your other threads: if you're not sure whether it would work, I would have your DH move on his own and check out the job, see if he likes it enough to work there long term, get a feel for the area, investigate neighborhoods for potential home purchase. There is no need fr the entire family to move immediately; it can be wise not to, especially if you're unsure.

Edited December 23, 2016 by regentrude

[Jean in Newcastle]

I live in the HCOL area that you are considering. We live in a modest neighborhood. None of us in the neighborhood try to keep up with the Jones. We try to live within our means. There are thrift shops here. And subsidies at places like the Y if you need it. We take our higher paycheck and parcel it out against the higher prices. I think that it evens out.

 

I have no advice on whether you should move though having a job would trump hoping that other offers will materialize, for me personally.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[lllll]

nm

Edited December 23, 2016 by ..Kathy..

[Plateau Mama]

I live in the HCOL area that you are considering. We live in a modest neighborhood. None of us in the neighborhood try to keep up with the Jones. We try to live within our means. There are thrift shops here. And subsidies at places like the Y if you need it. We take our higher paycheck and parcel it out against the higher prices. I think that it evens out.

 

I have no advice on whether you should move though having a job would trump hoping that other offers will materialize, for me personally.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Jean is right. Keeping up with the Jones has nothing to do with being in a HCOL area. It has to do with your mentality. We also live in the area you are looking. Our cars are 7, 8, 13 years old but they run fine. We don't have cable, we don't go out to eat. We do live in a nice house, but we actually under bought for what we could afford. It's all up to you if you keep up or just do your own thing. ;-)

 

As for the job keep in mind there are tech companies all over here so even if this job doesn't work out there are lots of other opportunities. He can do his year and move on. My husband is starting a new job on the first. He left a very large corporation that he was at for a very long time. He was interviewing with two large tech companies and a startup. Plus the company you are looking at is trying to recruit him. He has no interest in working for them, but he did briefly consider it because they pay well for his position. He is going with the startup which I am happy about.

[bethben]

Sometimes you have to go to HCOL areas because that's where the jobs and  long term career advancement opportunities are. So, yes if that's where the main source of income for the family is most likely to be I would. 

 

We moved to a relatively similar COL place 1 1/2 years ago.  We had to take out a larger mortgage mainly due to the fact that our somewhat lower COL area hadn't recovered totally from the housing bubble issues and our new somewhat higher COL area had recovered very nicely.  It kills me that our mortgage situation will take another year before we are back to the place we were in house debt 12 years ago.   That being said, my DH has a job and job opportunities here that he didn't have at our old place.  So, yes, I would move to a higher COL area if my husband had a job that paid well enough for the higher COL even if I had to take a larger mortgage.

 

Also, I would keep your savings in place until you get out of the situation you are in.  Moving is expensive and so is job loss. Pay off debt when things have settled down a bit.

[AmandaVT]

I've never lived in a low cost of living area - southern New England, or Vermont my whole life and we've always been fine.

[Janeway]

A few things we were factoring in was that the commute in to the downtown area involved a lot of tolls, and would be very long. The company did not have a good reputation for how they treat their workers. We were not weighing heavily on that second factor though. It felt like a lot of the people we would hear from would say over an hour commute to get in to the downtown area basically. I have the younger children in public school and the oldest will start college in 2.5 years, so all that had to be considered. We would have to live in the suburbs to have decent schools. 

 

So basically, I feel if we heard from another company in the same area (just not downtown) it could be fine.

 

My husband has anxiety issues. It has caused a lot of trouble with this job search. For example, right now, he thinks that because he gave the excuse of not wanting to relocate to turn down that job, he thinks if he gets called for any other job that would involve relocating to that state, that it would get back to the people hiring him at that company and would just be bad. This really bothers me. He seems to get caught up a lot on what he thinks other people will just KNOW or find out and how bad it will make him look. I know this is just his social anxiety, and working from home for the last several years has not helped, he seems to be worse off now than before. Another example is that when the travel agent messed up his travel dates, he was 100% convinced that he could not resolve it. He would not call HR on the phone because he was sure that would make him look so bad it would destroy everything, but he also was 100% certain that speaking to the supervisor of the travel agent who messed up his travel dates would destroy everything. He was convinced that everyone would know from HR to the manager he was supposed to be working for to everyone. He saw it as 100% unresolvable. He completely crumbled under the pressure of having to resolve conflict and was convinced that everyone would know. In fact, that was the final straw that got him to turn down that last job. I think I posted about it already. He could not speak up for himself, he could not advocate at all, over a simple matter of the travel dates being messed up by the travel agent.

 

Anyway, I did tell him if he gets another call from anyone else in that part of the country, please consider the job. But he is convinced it will get back to every company that he claimed relocation as a reason to not take that one job. For me personally, I think I need to get pushy and move involved. I sat back thinking he could handle everything himself. But he completely crumbled and lost it over the travel issue. What I should have done is tell him that if he is turning down the job, I will call the travel agency myself first. Not sure if that would have worked because he said that if I did, then he would have to face those people after that and everyone would know his wife had to call the travel agency. Just basically, he has incredible social anxiety.

 

Maybe he really does need to go back to defense. It is quiet, safe, stable, predictable.....

[regentrude]

My husband has anxiety issues. It has caused a lot of trouble with this job search. For example, right now, he thinks that because he gave the excuse of not wanting to relocate to turn down that job, he thinks if he gets called for any other job that would involve relocating to that state, that it would get back to the people hiring him at that company and would just be bad. This really bothers me. He seems to get caught up a lot on what he thinks other people will just KNOW or find out and how bad it will make him look....

 

I would not be so quick as to dismiss his point of view. I would absolutely expect people who hire high level professionals to talk to each other. I know that in my field, people do find out if somebody was offered a job and declined.

 

 For me personally, I think I need to get pushy and move involved. I sat back thinking he could handle everything himself. But he completely crumbled and lost it over the travel issue. What I should have done is tell him that if he is turning down the job, I will call the travel agency myself first. Not sure if that would have worked because he said that if I did, then he would have to face those people after that and everyone would know his wife had to call the travel agency. Just basically, he has incredible social anxiety.  

 

I don't think this is just social anxiety.

I know how we view studnets who have their parents call/email about issues they should handle themselves.

I don't imagine a company looking more kindly on a candidate who has his wife call/email.

 

Edited December 23, 2016 by regentrude

[Matryoshka]

Jean is right. Keeping up with the Jones has nothing to do with being in a HCOL area. It has to do with your mentality. We also live in the area you are looking. Our cars are 7, 8, 13 years old but they run fine. We don't have cable, we don't go out to eat. We do live in a nice house, but we actually under bought for what we could afford. It's all up to you if you keep up or just do your own thing. ;-)

 

So, so, so true.  I don't give a fig about keeping up with the Joneses.  We make less than half what the PP would have made in Atlanta, and live in an even higher COL area.  I'd feel absolutely filthy rich even here if we made that!!.  And we'd still probably live in our old house, drive our small fuel-efficient old cars, and not take lots of fancy vacations.  Because I don't care.  I have an acquaintance who is constantly talking about how much she spends on things, how much her dh spends on her (or how much she spends on herself because she 'deserves it' or 'had to have it'), and how should she get a Mercedes or a Hummer for her next car.  If she's a Jones, I want as little to do with that as possible. 

 

Yes, all of dd who went to public high school's friends are at pricey private schools.  She's at state school.  She did not want loans.  Smart girl.  I have no idea if her friends are way more loaded than we are, or in debt up to their eyeballs, nor do I care.  We make our own decisions based on our priorities.   The Joneses can take a flying leap.

[Janeway]

I would not be so quick as to dismiss his point of view. I would absolutely expect people who hire high level professionals to talk to each other. I know that in my field, people do find out if somebody was offered a job and declined.

 

 

I don't think this is just social anxiety.

I know how we view studnets who have their parents call/email about issues they should handle themselves.

I don't imagine a company looking more kindly on a candidate who has his wife call/email.

I did not mean I would call the company..I meant the travel agency. Not the company. The travel agency was not the company. But regardless, he should have called himself. He was not willing to.

Edited December 23, 2016 by Janeway

[Scarlett]

I wouldn't be totally against a HCOL area. If I had roots there, or family or a friends.....but just to move there for a job....probably not. ...unless seriously it was the ONLY job offer ever after a long stretch.

 

But Dh and I are 50 ish. Our kids are almost grown. We have a plan here....my ds is already in vo tech dual enrolled....and dss15 will start next fall. Their lives are very likely to be in this area. And I don't want to move away from my kids. It is bad enough that we moved away from my parents.....and we are only 2 1/2 hours from them but lately it has seemed terrible.

 

We will probably sell our house and move into town to lower our living expenses. that is our goal.....very low liv g expenses.

 

Different people have different goals. So you just need to figure out what you and your dhs goals are.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Has your dh considered talking to a doctor and getting medication for his anxiety?  What you describe sounds like it is adversely impacting his (and your) life. 

 

Re tolls:  You can get a pass that lowers the fees.  Or you can park at a Park and Ride and ride the bus in.  Or depending on where you live, you can go over the other non-toll bridge (though there has been some talk of making that tolled at some point in the future).  Driving is a fact of life here.  I don't really think much about driving 30 to 45 min. to places normally and an hour isn't something I blink at either.  Dh used to drive into the City.  He was able to arrange his commutes so that it only took him about 30 minutes.  (Obviously this would depend greatly on where you lived and where in the City you were actually driving to.)  I rarely go into the City though my specialists are there so I do drive in to see them every few months or so.  Now this whole area is a metropolitan area so I have plenty of other cities where I can shop and play. 

 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

I don't think it's just social anxiety.

 

I think it's devastating to lose your job, and he has taken serious hits to his self-esteem from that.  That's one of the reasons I think he should take a job, ASAP, and THEN figure out his longterm move.  It's much easier to get a job when you have a job.  It's also much easier to get a job when you have self-confidence.

[purplejackmama]

I don't think it's just social anxiety.

 

I think it's devastating to lose your job, and he has taken serious hits to his self-esteem from that. That's one of the reasons I think he should take a job, ASAP, and THEN figure out his longterm move. It's much easier to get a job when you have a job. It's also much easier to get a job when you have self-confidence.

Excellent insight and great advice.

[KungFuPanda]

I live in a HCOL area (High. Not crazy-super 1% high.) That higher cost has everything to do with real estate and real estate here is a solid investment. When the real estate bubble busted, we still came out ahead. Our mortgage isn't cheap, but it's not wasted money. My relatives who never made the move out of our LCOL home town never, ever came out ahead because of the lower land values and correspondingly low rents. This includes some Dave Ramsey types who have an religious aversion to carrying debt. They've hung in so long due to the gospel of zero debt that they've had to use their savings for basic spending, they've watched the local economy shrivel and die, and they've missed their chance to jump a sinking ship because the cost of living in HCOL areas only goes up.

 

I think you have to look at the job first. If that job enables you to live within your means in a higher col area, it's probably a healthy risk to take in life. A mortgage you can afford is not a financial or emotional burden and it could be a very wise investment.

[Scarlett]

I don't think it's just social anxiety.

 

I think it's devastating to lose your job, and he has taken serious hits to his self-esteem from that. That's one of the reasons I think he should take a job, ASAP, and THEN figure out his longterm move. It's much easier to get a job when you have a job. It's also much easier to get a job when you have self-confidence.

Very true. I see it with Dh. He becomes a little paralyzed after he loses his job, instead of looking for a job he just works himself into the dirt on odd jobs to pay the bills.

[regentrude]

I think it's devastating to lose your job, and he has taken serious hits to his self-esteem from that.  That's one of the reasons I think he should take a job, ASAP, and THEN figure out his longterm move.  It's much easier to get a job when you have a job.  It's also much easier to get a job when you have self-confidence.

 

This, exactly.

I said the bolded before in another of the OP's threads.

 

First, get a job. Worry about a long term move later. A job in a HCOL area beats being unemployed in a LCOL area.

Edited December 23, 2016 by regentrude

[YaelAldrich]

We moved from IN to Boston 1.5 years ago.  My husband's salary (professor) went up about 30% (we are in the high 100s now), so you think it would be great, but our house in IN was 180K (1800 sq ft, 3BR/2BTH, two car garage, yard) and our condo in Boston is 600K (1500 sq ft, 3 BR, 2.5BTH, one parking space (uncovered), no yard).  Food is more expensive and so is insurance.  We love Boston (we were here for grad school) and were very happy to come back, especially as our kids hit high school (the Jewish high schools here are good), but we are no better off monetarily, perhaps even worse a little bit, especially as his old school would have probably matched or come close to keep him.

 

Run the numbers through a comparison calculator and maybe split up until you know it's a good fit.  Good luck!

[Plateau Mama]

I would not be so quick as to dismiss his point of view. I would absolutely expect people who hire high level professionals to talk to each other. I know that in my field, people do find out if somebody was offered a job and declined.

 

 

.

The companies have 10k-50k+ employees. They are hiring dozens of these positions and interviewing hundreds of people at any given time. They are not talking to each other about who they are interviewing. The exception would be if you are local and going from one of these big companies to another and the interviewers happen to know you or know someone who knows you. That happens frequently because a lot of people generally worked at one particular company out here at one time or another. But some guy from out of state. It wouldn't come up.

[indigomama]

HCOL isn't just real estate. While the average home price in my area is $650,000+. Utilities are higher, so are gas prices and insurances.

 

But, it's not just housing/basic living necessities. City league sports doubled in price over what we paid in the mid-west. Music lessons nearly tripled. Dance tripled.

 

And, we are in a HCOL area, but not necessarily a big town, so we don't have as many big town activities, cultural events, etc here, which means we have to travel to get to some of that.  And, public transportation is very limited, so one must own a vehicle.

 

This is where we grew up, and I'm so glad to have moved back, but all the little things in a HCOL can really add up. I think the wise thing to do is make sure you check out the specific area you want with people who live there. It's all very dependent. 

[NorthwestMom]

 

 

 

My husband has anxiety issues. It has caused a lot of trouble with this job search. For example, right now, he thinks that because he gave the excuse of not wanting to relocate to turn down that job, he thinks if he gets called for any other job that would involve relocating to that state, that it would get back to the people hiring him at that company and would just be bad. This really bothers me. He seems to get caught up a lot on what he thinks other people will just KNOW or find out and how bad it will make him look. I know this is just his social anxiety, and working from home for the last several years has not helped, he seems to be worse off now than before. Another example is that when the travel agent messed up his travel dates, he was 100% convinced that he could not resolve it. He would not call HR on the phone because he was sure that would make him look so bad it would destroy everything, but he also was 100% certain that speaking to the supervisor of the travel agent who messed up his travel dates would destroy everything. He was convinced that everyone would know from HR to the manager he was supposed to be working for to everyone. He saw it as 100% unresolvable. He completely crumbled under the pressure of having to resolve conflict and was convinced that everyone would know. In fact, that was the final straw that got him to turn down that last job. I think I posted about it already. He could not speak up for himself, he could not advocate at all, over a simple matter of the travel dates being messed up by the travel agent.

 

Anyway, I did tell him if he gets another call from anyone else in that part of the country, please consider the job. But he is convinced it will get back to every company that he claimed relocation as a reason to not take that one job. For me personally, I think I need to get pushy and move involved. I sat back thinking he could handle everything himself. But he completely crumbled and lost it over the travel issue. What I should have done is tell him that if he is turning down the job, I will call the travel agency myself first. Not sure if that would have worked because he said that if I did, then he would have to face those people after that and everyone would know his wife had to call the travel agency. Just basically, he has incredible social anxiety.

 

Maybe he really does need to go back to defense. It is quiet, safe, stable, predictable.....

My DH is a Director-level tech employee in your target area, who has hired many people for his teams. He says this would not happen. Who is being interviewed at which companies is not really a topic of conversation unless there is a personal relationship between the hiring managers, and what are the chances of that? And what good what it do anyone? It would not be a normal conversation for him and his peers at all. So, Amazon would not hear that you turned down Microsoft, for example.  And if they did - he can just tell them his wife did not want to relocate but eventually changed her mind. It happens!

 

I think your DSH needs some help here, counseling or meds. He's not thinking strategically.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[NorthwestMom]

The companies have 10k-50k+ employees. They are hiring dozens of these positions and interviewing hundreds of people at any given time. They are not talking to each other about who they are interviewing. The exception would be if you are local and going from one of these big companies to another and the interviewers happen to know you or know someone who knows you. That happens frequently because a lot of people generally worked at one particular company out here at one time or another. But some guy from out of state. It wouldn't come up.

:iagree:

 

Exactly. 

[Laura Corin]

I think that he should take a job, not wait around using up savings.  Whether that would mean moving the family could be decided later.  After periods of Husband's unemployment we one time all moved to a high COL place; once lived apart whilst Husband weekly commuted to the high COL place; and once he went freelance and I took a full-time job.

 

 

[lllll]

  :grouphug:  

Edited December 25, 2016 by ..Kathy..