Are thank you notes not needed anymore?

[Sharon77]

I like to think that I'm hip and young and can change with the times :)

So I'd really like to know if thank-you notes are passe.

 

I would like to list the presents not to boast, PLEASE do not take it like that.

It's just perhaps the gifts were not significant enough to warrant a thank-you note? I truly do not know....

 

 

In May of this year, I've given 8 different people graduation/ baby/wedding gifts.  All cash.

 

I gave one young woman I volunteered with for 1 year $100 for a new baby.

 

Another young woman for her baby's bday present (I was invited to the big party) $150.

 

HIgh school graduation gifts in the amounts of $50, $75, $75, $100---- all my kids' hsing friends. Nobody we are super close with, just good co-op friends, I am only co-op friends with the moms.

 

$120 for a wedding

 

$100 for a person who was being ordained into ministry

 

I have only received one thank-you note. The others, the only way I know they got the gift is when the check has been cashed :)

 

I still like all these people and my feelings for them will not change at all, but I am wondering, are notes, whether paper or email, considered unnecessary? 

[Erica in OR]

My kids and I still send thank you notes. Christmas, birthdays, gifts to our family due to my husband's job.

 

I received one for a baby shower gift recently, but not one for a child's birthday. For the birthday, I wondered if it was because we were at the party and as he unwrapped gifts, he said thank you?

 

Erica in OR

[catz]

I would expect or write thank yous for all those occasions.  For a small scale gathering where someone opens a gifts and expresses personal gratitude immediately, I don't think it's totally necessary.  But for weddings, showers, graduations, large gatherings, etc?  Yes.

[marbel]

We (my family) send a thank you note unless the gift is for a typical occasion (birthday, Christmas) and the person hands it to us, sees us open it, and we say thank you for it right then. 

 

I stopped giving gifts to my nieces and nephews after a few years of receiving no acknowledgement.  Now they are all grown and I send gifts for their babies.  Only one remembers to thank me for it. 

 

Those are pretty generous gifts you sent!  I know you were not boasting.  It doesn't really matter the amount though, there should still be a thank you. 

 

We have a lot of baby showers at church, and I have received a thank you note for every one.

 

 

[Sharon77]

None of these gifts were opened in front of me or at the party.

 

I would consider a verbal thank you enough for me from young people.

 

 

I would expect or write thank yous for all those occasions.  For a small scale gathering where someone opens a gifts and expresses personal gratitude immediately, I don't think it's totally necessary.  But for weddings, showers, graduations, large gatherings, etc?  Yes.

 

[Sharon77]

We (my family) send a thank you note unless the gift is for a typical occasion (birthday, Christmas) and the person hands it to us, sees us open it, and we say thank you for it right then. 

 

I stopped giving gifts to my nieces and nephews after a few years of receiving no acknowledgement.  Now they are all grown and I send gifts for their babies.  Only one remembers to thank me for it. 

 

Those are pretty generous gifts you sent!  I know you were not boasting.  It doesn't really matter the amount though, there should still be a thank you. 

 

We have a lot of baby showers at church, and I have received a thank you note for every one.

 

 

I am uncertain about modern protocol because my kids are now asking why they have to write thank you notes.

 

I've always made them write one even for thoughtful (small) gifts.

 

My love language is gifts, so even when someone gives me a candy bar, the fact that they thought of me makes me feel special!

 

But now, my kids are saying that no one else does it so it means no one expects it....

[Jane in NC]

My most recent gift was a check to a high school grad who lives in another state.  A thank you arrived in today's mail.  She is a smart cookie since the kids in my sphere know that I mail homemade treats to college students.  Add one more to my cookie list. ;)

 

That said, it disappoints me that I do not receive thank you notes from all of my the nieces and nephews who are now parents. I give gifts to the grand niece and nephews but not all acknowledge them.  Sigh. Who is going to teach the next generation if not their parents?

[Sharon77]

I am one of the weird ones.  I don't LIKE thank you NOTES.  I DO appreciate a thank you...but I actually prefer it not be a thank you NOTE.  The reality is that I can't keep every card and not I receive, but throwing it out feels like I am throwing out the person's appreciation.  I would much prefer a call or sent me a text with a pic of your kid using it, or even just a thank you at the event....that's all I want.  Just some acknowledgement. 

 

If I am sending a gift, which honestly, isn't common for me, I usually give them in person, a thank you in any form is better than none....but please, just give me a call or shoot a text to say thanks. 

 

 

Actually, for me, even if you don't like it, I want to know.  I would much rather SIL say "hey, thanks for the candles, but I can't use them because of my allergies...because then I know not to get candles anymore...or anything else that might set off her allergies. 

 

 

I would be totally fine with a call, text, email too.

 

It's just that I have not heard one thing from all except one. I just see they cashed the check...some the next day!:)

[Sharon77]

My most recent gift was a check to a high school grad who lives in another state.  A thank you arrived in today's mail.  She is a smart cookie since the kids in my sphere know that I mail homemade treats to college students.  Add one more to my cookie list. ;)

 

That said, it disappoints me that I do not receive thank you notes from all of my the nieces and nephews who are now parents. I give gifts to the grand niece and nephews but not all acknowledge them.  Sigh. Who is going to teach the next generation if not their parents?

 

 

I am thinking about this too.

My nieces and nephews are all getting older now and as they get older and more independent and separated from parents, I expect a thank you (paper or verbal) from them. I really don't enjoy giving them gifts anymore. It feels too obligatory to me now

[Ailaena]

 

Dgaf if people do it anymore, WE do it because that's how this family rolls. It would be nice to get them - even a verbal acknowledgement - but I rarely do. Not even from old, rich people who just got married ;)

[Guest]

I'm so sorry. My experience has been similar to yours of late. Like you, I don't think of them being required if given in person. But I've yet to receive email, text, or phone call much less a note this year, except for one nephew who just graduated. To me, not acknowledging a gift in some fashion, is no different than ripping a present open in front of the giver and then ignorimg them. Rather like having it snatched out of your hand by a brat. I haven't decided what to do about it besides no more gifts past the age of 18 for family or friends in general cases- as in people you see once a year or less. I will buy their kids gifts when they have children, but not them.

 

My kids sign thank you notes as soon as they can squiggle a line. I "interpret" on the other side of the card. I really don't get this new "trend" but it makes me sad. My kids will have a choice when they move out, but until then they will respect the person who took the time to chose a gift and/or sent them a card with cash. It's one of those things that drives me crazy but I wish I could be blasé about the lack of acknowledgement to us, because the world is turning into Me,Me, Me and some days am sick of being so offended by it.

[mamato4]

I still like written thank you notes and I expect my dc to write them every time they receive something, or if someone did something nice. I think it is one of the ways I can help them learn thankfulness and gratitude for others' kindness and thoughtfulness.

 

I've also heard two teachers (one high school, one college) comment on how a thank you note made a student stand out because that student was the only one that acknowledged something the teachers did for a bunch of people. 

 

 

[AK_Mom4]

Thank you notes are still A Thing around here.

 

However, I think it is perfectly acceptable for someone to pick up the phone and make a personal phone call to a relative who lives far away to say Thank You for a gift.  My older kids would prefer to call Grandma and Grandpa directly these days rather than take time to write out a note, find a stamp, etc.

 

I still do written thank you notes as I am not very keen on talking on the phone.

[Ellie]

I like to think that I'm hip and young and can change with the times :)

So I'd really like to know if thank-you notes are passe.

 

I would like to list the presents not to boast, PLEASE do not take it like that.

It's just perhaps the gifts were not significant enough to warrant a thank-you note? I truly do not know....

 

 

In May of this year, I've given 8 different people graduation/ baby/wedding gifts.  All cash.

 

I gave one young woman I volunteered with for 1 year $100 for a new baby.

 

Another young woman for her baby's bday present (I was invited to the big party) $150.

 

HIgh school graduation gifts in the amounts of $50, $75, $75, $100---- all my kids' hsing friends. Nobody we are super close with, just good co-op friends, I am only co-op friends with the moms.

 

$120 for a wedding

 

$100 for a person who was being ordained into ministry

 

I have only received one thank-you note. The others, the only way I know they got the gift is when the check has been cashed :)

 

I still like all these people and my feelings for them will not change at all, but I am wondering, are notes, whether paper or email, considered unnecessary? 

 

YES YES YES!!! They are always necessary!! (except when you give something to someone in person, just the two of you, and she thanks you right there).

 

What is needed is more manners.

[Kassia]

I still like written thank you notes and I expect my dc to write them every time they receive something, or if someone did something nice. I think it is one of the ways I can help them learn thankfulness and gratitude for others' kindness and thoughtfulness.

 

I've also heard two teachers (one high school, one college) comment on how a thank you note made a student stand out because that student was the only one that acknowledged something the teachers did for a bunch of people. 

 

I totally agree with this.  

 

We always write thank yous.  I don't understand when someone receives a gift and doesn't even acknowledge it.  My son's gf never sends a thank you for gifts I send her, but she always thanks us in person if we do something for her in person (like take her to dinner or whatever).  I try not to let it bother me, but I don't understand it.  If I receive something, I'm so excited to tell the giver that I received it and appreciate their thoughtfulness.  

[hornblower]

None of these gifts were opened in front of me or at the party.

 

I would consider a verbal thank you enough for me from young people.

 

This is the line for me. If a gift is opened in front of me & I'm verbally thanked, that's enough. If it's sent or not opened in my presence, then there should be a call/email/note. 

[PeacefulChaos]

Hmm....

 

Well, etiquette-wise, people *technically* have like a year or something, right?  Not saying that means that you'll get them, or that I don't feel like a year is a long time, but yeah... who knows.

 

 

I originally wondered if this was going to be in regards to things like birthday and Christmas gifts, which we've never done thank you cards for, though I know some do.  However, in all of the situations you mentioned, I would still think a thank you note would be the norm.

 

That said, I don't really remember the last time I got a thank you note.  It does seem to be going the way of the dodo, more and more over time.  

 

I don't necessarily think one way or another about it.  I don't expect a thank you note at any point, and I don't think of a person better/worse because they do/don't send one.  Everyone does things differently.  I had never in my life heard of sending birthday/Christmas thank you notes until I came on here; but I have never had an instance where birthday and Christmas gifts weren't given in person at a family gathering, either, with immediate verbal thank yous.  

 

I think of gifts as fun for the giver and receiver, and don't consider them to have strings attached, ever.  Thank yous don't matter.  

 

My grandma trained me to do thank yous for graduation gifts, bridal/shower gifts, wedding gifts, and baby gifts.  I also will do thank you notes for random gifts from people, but those are rare and it depends on the people - an older aunt saw something and bought it for the boys, I sent her a card I made online using a picture of them playing with it as the picture on the front and a thank you inside; if close friends do something similar, a verbal thank you will suffice.  

Edited July 1, 2016 by PeacefulChaos

[Jane in NC]

I would be totally fine with a call, text, email too.

 

It's just that I have not heard one thing from all except one. I just see they cashed the check...some the next day! :)

 

My son is now 24.  He tends to email thank yous.  I am fine with this as are his aunts and uncles, I believe. 

 

The Boy has learned that some of his relations are quite generous--even though he is now a college grad.  Last night he had dinner with an aunt.  Apparently she was so delighted by him that asked him to accompany her to a used book sale where she bought his books, then treated him to lunch afterwards.

 

I am thinking about this too.

My nieces and nephews are all getting older now and as they get older and more independent and separated from parents, I expect a thank you (paper or verbal) from them. I really don't enjoy giving them gifts anymore. It feels too obligatory to me now

 

Well I don't give gifts to some of my adult nieces and nephews for this reason but I do give gifts to their children.  I don't want to penalize the kids for having parents who lack social skills.  (That sounds harsh, I know!)

[SparklyUnicorn]

It's a nice gesture, but I don't care either way to be honest.

 

Some members of my husband's family take this a little far.  If you send them a thank you for a birthday gift, they send a thank you for the thank you.  A bit much!  :laugh:

[Guest]

A thank you note isn't required if a verbal one is given, but I'd be likely to send a thank you note AND give a verbal thank you for almost any of those.

[poppy]

In my experience, people send thank you cards for weddings only.  I'm gonna bet that's the one card you got - am I right?

 

There are a lot of people who bemoan this, or get angry about it. And a few who celebrate it because social media has replaced letters yadda yadda. I'm not passionate either way on the topic. Just sharing what I have observed.

[poppy]

I'll also add, there have been a number of times that young women (20s-early 30s) have sent me handwritten thank yous for casual visits or very minor gifts. These are typically on personalized stationary.    While this is a nice gesture..... it is pretty clearly about that person, about the lifestyle that writer wants to have,  or to be known for.  It feels odd to get those letters, like I am a bystander in the big story of their life in that stage.  I can think of a half dozen such letters. They dry up by baby #2, every time.

 

I don't mean to sound ungracious. The letters are nice. I know their intentions are nothing but good.  But,  I just know they're not about me as the gift giver.

[cjzimmer1]

I haven't read all of the replies but May was only just over a month ago.  To me it seems really soon to be thinking you won't get a thank you note. For weddings, I have received thank you notes up to a year later and I've heard this is acceptable.  Other events I would expect at least 2-3 months if not more especially if it was a large event.  Also if the person verbally thanked me, than that is good enough in my opinion.  But I personally find formal etiquette to be stuffy.  I don't make my kids write notes if they can do it in any other form.  Just feels a whole lot more natural to me.  In this day an age we don't do much communicating in formal writing anymore so why does the idea of formal thank you's still persist.  It a traditional that will hopefully die soon in my opinion.  Thank you's are important, formal notes are not (written by someone who found them complete torture to write)

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'll also add, there have been a number of times that young women (20s-early 30s) have sent me handwritten thank yous for casual visits or very minor gifts. These are typically on personalized stationary.    While this is a nice gesture..... it is pretty clearly about that person, about the lifestyle that writer wants to have,  or to be known for.  It feels odd to get those letters, like I am a bystander in the big story of their life in that stage.  I can think of a half dozen such letters. They dry up by baby #2, every time.

 

I don't mean to sound ungracious. The letters are nice. I know their intentions are nothing but good.  But,  I just know they're not about me as the gift giver.

 

I think I understand what you mean.  And I don't think someone who sends cards is necessarily more thankful than someone who does not.

 

I have a cousin who mails out announcements for everything in her life.  Engagement announcement, save the date for the wedding announcement, wedding, every single kid, then when the kid is born...welcome to the kid.  Then a super duper fancy xmas card.  I have not seen this cousin in 15 years.  And all the cards and announcements are photos.  So then I feel bad to throw them out, but I have nowhere to put them and don't feel compelled to keep them either.  I even once got a photo card featuring her family on vacation on a tropical island.  LOL

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

 

We don't send thank you notes for everything. We do send them for extra special things, and when someone has gone out of their way in some way.

 

 

I don't usually receive them, and find them odd for everyday stuff.

[FaithManor]

Well, I don't give gifts for the warm fuzzy of acknowledgement. I do think that part is not right.

 

I think a thank you is nice on the part of the gift receiver. But, I also think that if one was thanked in person that should be enough. Exactly how much does the receiver need to express gratitude before being labeled a decent person?

 

What I think is great is email or some other electronic note like facebook, twitter... It is 50 cents a piece plus over $1.00 each most of the time for a thank you note. Ds has been writing his thank you notes for his graduation party. I bought cheap cards, but not dollar store because those are nasty and glue on the envelopes rarely works. So the cheap bulk notes at Target still set us back $20.00 for enough notes, and $20.00 in postage. That's a lot of money, LOL. 

 

 

[Night Elf]

I'm embarrassed to say my mom didn't teach me to write thank you notes, so over the years as my kids have gotten gifts, it never occurred to me. I taught them to say thank you in person on by phone. And with all the gifts I've ever given for all types of occasions, I have never received a thank you note. When dd asked for donations to go on a mission trip to Costa Rica, I made her write thank you notes to all of them. And when she received graduation gifts last month, I made her write notes as well.

[Tess in the Burbs]

We send thank you notes all the time. I only ever get them from my AHG girls for volunteering with them. It is needed, but people just do not take the time. I do agree that presents can be done face to face if all there at the same time. I will keep sending them. I just don't expect much from others

[MomatHWTK]

I just finished reading a book on fundraising (for a job assignment). In the text, the authors noted that only one if four donors now receives a thank you from their charity. Of those, most are form letters. So, yes, thank you's are falling by the wayside. But, the person who takes the time to write a personal thank you- particularly a handwritten note- stands out and is more likely to be well-remembered by the donor. I think the same can apply to personal relationships. So if your child object to saying thank you, remind them that you are teaching them to be leaders, not followers. 

[TranquilMind]

I like to think that I'm hip and young and can change with the times :)

So I'd really like to know if thank-you notes are passe.

 

I would like to list the presents not to boast, PLEASE do not take it like that.

It's just perhaps the gifts were not significant enough to warrant a thank-you note? I truly do not know....

 

 

In May of this year, I've given 8 different people graduation/ baby/wedding gifts.  All cash.

 

I gave one young woman I volunteered with for 1 year $100 for a new baby.

 

Another young woman for her baby's bday present (I was invited to the big party) $150.

 

HIgh school graduation gifts in the amounts of $50, $75, $75, $100---- all my kids' hsing friends. Nobody we are super close with, just good co-op friends, I am only co-op friends with the moms.

 

$120 for a wedding

 

$100 for a person who was being ordained into ministry

 

I have only received one thank-you note. The others, the only way I know they got the gift is when the check has been cashed :)

 

I still like all these people and my feelings for them will not change at all, but I am wondering, are notes, whether paper or email, considered unnecessary? 

 

I tend to be rather generous.

 

I almost never receive a thank you note.  I think I have had two or three in the last 20 years.    Most don't respond at all.  It's rude. 

 

(Caveat:  Talking about significant gifts for occasions, not that birthday gift for a party.)

 

 

Edited July 1, 2016 by TranquilMind

[Farrar]

I have a complex about them. I didn't send one for a very small gift (a single onesie) that came when my twins were infants. Everyone before the birth got thank you cards. No one gifting things after did. Well, I didn't give one and it caused an enormous fight between my mother and her brother (the father of the giver) in which I was basically called bad names and my mother stuck up for me and called him names and it all got out of hand. And now we're completely estranged from them.

 

Every time I need to send one, I get into a near panic attack. I LOATHE getting them. I almost want to only have people in my life that believe they're wrong at this point. I have tried to have the kids do them for gifts. I rarely get gifts anymore that really require them (I mean, Christmas gifts from my mom and dh hardly need a thank you note) and for that I'm grateful.

[FaithManor]

My mil, normally a very nice person but she has this crazy about thank you notes, told my husband that she is miffed because ds's thank you notes were not fancy enough, expensive enough.

 

Sigh...this is my woodland, back to the nature boy. He'd have been embarassed if they were fancy, and she is darn lucky he didn't cut down a cattail, write "love the quilt granny, thanks" on a postbit, tape it to the cattail, and toss it on her front step while out writing up another invasive species report for the DNR!

[mellifera33]

The whole thank-you-note-industrial-complex makes me so anxious. Do I sound appreciative enough? Is my handwriting nice enough? Did I take too long procrastinating while I stewed about what to write? I don't like getting them, either--I worry that the gift recipient will have the same anxiety I feel about writing them. I want to give a gift, not an obligation. I have started giving gifts secretly so nobody worries about writing them. Although now that I think about it, maybe people are anxious getting unsigned gifts because maybe it's from great-aunt Mabel who will judge them for not writing a note, and the card got lost, and they have to avoid great-aunt Mabel for the next three family funerals. Something else to worry about. 

Edited July 1, 2016 by mellifera33

[Erica in OR]

What I think is great is email or some other electronic note like facebook, twitter... It is 50 cents a piece plus over $1.00 each most of the time for a thank you note. Ds has been writing his thank you notes for his graduation party. I bought cheap cards, but not dollar store because those are nasty and glue on the envelopes rarely works. So the cheap bulk notes at Target still set us back $20.00 for enough notes, and $20.00 in postage. That's a lot of money, LOL. 

 

I've had success purchasing thank you notes and other nice stationery at thrift stores for super cheap. Skateboard-themed cards for my son, mermaids for my two younger girls, beautiful cream Crane & Co. stationery for myself.

 

Erica in OR

[Guest]

I buy my thank you cards from the dollar bins at Michaels :o

 

I'm super snooty like that :p

[Liz CA]

If giver and recipient exchange in person - I don't need a card nor would I expect it.

But if something is sent, it would be nice to know that they received it.

I acknowledge gifts either by mail, email or text depending on who it is.

[Murphy101]

I have gotten ONE ever. 😕

 

I don't care if I get a written note, FB thank you, text, call, or in person - but geez. A simple quick acknowledgment they even got it would be appreciated. It is not unsual at all to get zero acknowledgment even in person these days, which is completely bizzare to me. Does no one even teach basic social manners at all? My kids say thank you when I refill their dinner plate for them. I say thanks when someone refills my tea glass for me. Just... I don't know. It's an automatic reflex in our home.

 

I do thank you cards for anything I wasn't able to say thank you for in person and for anything a group does for me.

 

I keep a stack of thank you cards on hand just in case so there's no "oh I kept forgetting to send a thank you card bc I kept forgetting to buy some" situation.

 

Yes, I know the gift isn't about accolades. I agree. But yet, if they don't even notice it, then maybe I shouldn't have bothered is a hard thing to avoid feeling after a while too.

[BooksandBoys]

I wasn't taught to write thank you notes. As an adult, I choose to write them and I make my kids write them.

 

If the number of thank you notes I've received in my adulthood is any indication, thank you notes are definitely falling out of style. This saddens me.

[Rachel]

I tend to send thank you notes and I have my kids write them. A will tell a very close friend thank you verbally but for the most part I write notes.

 

When I take food to new moms or give a baby shower gift at church I tend to tell them they don't need to worry about sending a thank you. Most people around here seem to send thank yous unless told it's not necessary.

 

My husband never had to write a thank you note until he married me and I "made" him write wedding thank yous to his family. Now anytime his dad's parents give us a gift, his dad wants to know if my husband sent a thank you.

 

OP you are a very generous gift giver! I know you weren't posting to brag, but those are significant gifts in my mind. Unless everyone in those gift receivers' lives are that generous, they should be sending a thank you to stay in your good graces. They should at least acknowledge the gifts in some way even if they don't write notes.

[Bambam]

I think thank you notes are required. If someone has taken their time, energy, effort, and money to get you a present or write you a check or do something nice for you, then yes, you should write them a note. 

 

Unfortunately, I rarely receive them anymore when we give presents. I don't know if people haven't taken their children or if people aren't grateful or if they think I can read their minds.

 

 

[rwilk]

We don't do tradtional thank you notes---we typically just email them.  It allows us to put more thought into our words, and really express gratitude in a way that is not natural (for us) in physical writing.  DD and I both have some fine motor difficulties, and physically writing something is difficult and distracting. Grandparents typically get thank you call/skype for a gift (their preference)---they want to see her smile.  

 

We also have a "you can't use it until you've thanked the person for it" rule.  That tends to get these things done quickly.

[eternalsummer]

I don't do them and I don't like them.  I find them to be a formality that puts distance between the giver and the receiver - it's like, you wouldn't send one of these to your DH, right?  Because you are close enough and the relationship is real enough that thanks is not required when giving gifts; it is understood.

 

We also don't say please or thank you verbally unless we really exceptionally mean it.  We discourage the kids from saying it; if some adult comes into our house and tries to insist that our kids say "please give me the bread" instead of "can I have some bread" or "what is the magic word?" or whatever other nonsense, I tell them quite directly that we don't teach the kids to say these things because in our family they are considered rude.

[Tanaqui]

Many people do not give thank you notes anymore. That doesn't mean that it's okay not to acknowledge a gift. If you don't get a gift in person, then you need to call, text, email, or send a note in order to let whoever-it-is know you received it. Simply cashing a check isn't enough. (And for that matter, I don't cash checks until I confirm personally that there's still money in the account. I have a bad habit of putting things off, and I've been burned with that myself, people cashing old checks without thinking that now that it's December our bank account might be a little slim!)

[eternalsummer]

Again, for me, if I send a gift to someone, or charity, or something, I don't require acknowledgement.  I don't do it for the acknowledgement; I do it because I want to give something to someone.  The acknowledgement is just awkward and puts distance between us.

[Tanaqui]

Again, for me, if I send a gift to someone, or charity, or something, I don't require acknowledgement.  I don't do it for the acknowledgement; I do it because I want to give something to someone.  The acknowledgement is just awkward and puts distance between us.

 

I don't require acknowledgement either, but I like to know the present hasn't gotten lost in the mail and they're not sitting wondering if I realize that this was a gift-giving occasion. And I'd think it very strange if I handed somebody a check or a book or a brand new bike and they didn't say anything about it.

[marbel]

If giver and recipient exchange in person - I don't need a card nor would I expect it.

But if something is sent, it would be nice to know that they received it.

I acknowledge gifts either by mail, email or text depending on who it is.

 

This is it for me.  If I send something, at least please let me know it got there.  Just because USPS or whoever says they delivered it, I'd like to know that the recipient actually has it.  I don't care what form it is in; I usually recycle cards I receive unless there is something really meaningful/sentimental for me in the note.  Facebook, text, call, email... whatever. 

 

(Actually I don't like public thank-yous on facebook.  Private message, please.)

 

[Evergreen State Sue]

I have taught my kids to send thank you notes.  I don't allow them to cash checks until a note is written.  I bug them until they do them. I suppose since I have to bug them, I haven't taught them very well, but as long as they are under my roof that is the protocol.  Hopefully they will continue after I am long gone. I've sent out 8 graduation cards with a check in each this season and have only received one thank you.  One hasn't cashed the check yet, but the rest have.  I have to say I do give some grace, even though it bugs me when I don't receive a thank you note.  I remember being overwhelmed with our wedding gifts and it took me six months to acknowledge gifts.  As a new mom, I was overwhelmed with gifts and lack of sleep and I'm sure I didn't get some written notes sent out, but tried to verbally give my appreciation.  After my in-laws passed, there were thank yous that I failed to write as well as I was again overwhelmed. So since I have messed up in the past, I try to give grace.   What does a high school graduate have to feel overwhelmed about?  It's just easy money for them. 

[RootAnn]

My kids write thank you notes for every gift from a non-parent and non-sibling (so grandparents, friends-of-parents). 

 

We have generally received a thank you note for the graduation gifts we've given the last several years. However, except for one (homeschooled girl), they have been poorly written (handwriting & content) and non-personal. One wasn't even signed. It was obvious that his mom had made the cards (as she has a card stamping business) and even his name was printed. The only thing hand-written was the address on the other side of the post card-like-note. I'm pretty sure the Mom did that, too. (He dropped out of college after maybe a year & lives at home with no job. So, don't color me surprised in retrospect.)

 

The art of writing a thank you note has gone out of style.

 

I'm pretty sure a text message 'thank you' is considered going above & beyond nowadays.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I was taught to always send a hand-written thank-you note for gifts that weren't received in person, and I teach my kids the same.  My son received several gift checks in the mail for his graduation.  I made sure he wrote and sent thank-you notes before he deposited the checks.  It took less than an hour out of his day to acknowledge and show appreciation for that six hundred dollars.  I don't believe that was asking too much out of him.  I did the same with my daughter when she graduated.  I just think it's common courtesy.  

 

We have a niece and nephew (same parents) who never acknowledged a single gift growing up.  I didn't think less of them, and I kept sending them gifts.  I just figured that their mom and dad didn't think it was important.  They're both adults now, and I was happily surprised that, now that they're married and having kids, they have started sending thank-you notes!  

[Janeway]

I like to think that I'm hip and young and can change with the times :)

So I'd really like to know if thank-you notes are passe.

 

I would like to list the presents not to boast, PLEASE do not take it like that.

It's just perhaps the gifts were not significant enough to warrant a thank-you note? I truly do not know....

 

 

In May of this year, I've given 8 different people graduation/ baby/wedding gifts. All cash.

 

I gave one young woman I volunteered with for 1 year $100 for a new baby.

 

Another young woman for her baby's bday present (I was invited to the big party) $150.

 

HIgh school graduation gifts in the amounts of $50, $75, $75, $100---- all my kids' hsing friends. Nobody we are super close with, just good co-op friends, I am only co-op friends with the moms.

 

$120 for a wedding

 

$100 for a person who was being ordained into ministry

 

I have only received one thank-you note. The others, the only way I know they got the gift is when the check has been cashed :)

 

I still like all these people and my feelings for them will not change at all, but I am wondering, are notes, whether paper or email, considered unnecessary?

Manners are not passé. And it is rude to not send a thank you note.