She has an official asbergers dx. She didn't get any official accommodations in school, but she functioned with help of a close friend. She had one who was with her from elementary through high school, and another in college/now.

It's all just a strange situation. Sister did graduate, but struggled in school and can't find a job in her field. She actually doesn't live at home, but my parents pay her expenses. She has a roommate she's lived with for 6 years who helps her manage a lot of day to day stuff. I think my parents struggle with a happy medium. They weren't able to provide appropriate support for me during childhood, so they went overboard with support for kid 2. My even younger sister was spared a lot of this over/under parenting because she lived with DH and I for most of her teen years. We required her to contribute in age appropriate ways and she seems mostly stable adult. ..lives alone, supports herself, likes her job. Another thought I had was suggesting that struggling sister seek voc rehab services. I think some of her job troubles are related to autism and inability to read social stuff. For example, she once went to work in a low cut clubbing dress (she does not go dancing or wear that regularly). It was bad enough her boss sent her to hr to discuss it. I asked her why she wore it, and she seemed totally baffled that dresses weren't all the same level of appropriate.

Fwiw, I did IB and loved it. It was a pretty great bonding experience because everyone had some common courses. The projects were really great and independent. Art history for example, required us to work through the textbook over the summer, and spend the year on independent projects....I did a project on henna art and tattooing in different cultures and worked with henna artists and tattoo artists to learn how to design body art. All our courses had an independent interest based component. Honestly it was often more in depth and interest based that college.

DD5 would like to read The Little Prince to her little brother----in the original French. We don't speak French. She doesn't speak French. But she's read The Little Prince a bunch to the baby in English, and now is working on figuring out how to pronounce French words. I'm sort of standing back and letting her do her thing. I got her the book in French. I've also given her access to the audio version (again in French) so she can tell if she is pronouncing things correctly. Oddly she has no desire to actually learn the French language. She just seems to want to read that one book in the original. I'd like to see DD5 graduated from all her therapies by the ed of the year. She's close. She finished speech, and is down to home OT every other week only. No goals for DS(baby). He's a baby and he'll do as he does.

Thanks all for the advice. I'm hearing pretty clearly that I need to find a way to disengage and let someone else deal with it. Easier said than done, but it sounds pretty clear that it's the best move. I might try to get my parents' psych to help facilitate finding a good family therapist for them all/encouraging the use of one---I'm in regular contact with her anyway as part of their treatment. And funny you should mention taking care of a cat, Tammy. Sister just got one (WHYYYYY) and is struggling to adapt to caring for something else. The cat is safe and well-cared for, but Sister hates the responsibility.

I doubt they'd all go to counseling. Out of everyone, I'm the only one who has been consistent about therapy/psych treatment (probably because I'm terrified of making things tough for my own kids). My parents mostly are doing well, but they stopped for a bit when my sisters went to college. They've been working back to their old baseline. Sister has mental illness as well and is on the autism spectrum. I dropped the ball a bit on that one---I didn't realize that was a thing to watch for, so I didn't really push for her to get treatment as a child for anything beyond what her pediatrician recommended at yearly visits. In retrospect, I should have encouraged actual psych treatment. I'd love to get to take a step back, but at least on the parents end, I can't. I actually have paperwork to take over power of attorney if things get bad for them again and I don't have the energy/desire to have to step up and take care of everyone again. I also really want them to be able to have a relationship with my kids, and I can only let that happen when they are stable.

I have a bit of an unusual family dynamic. I am 10 years older than my siblings, and grew up in very different circumstances---we lived in an attic for my early childhood, there was severe mental illness in my parents, and we just didn't have a lot. They weren't able to cope with taking care of my sisters when they were born, so I took on a lot of parenting responsiblity--everything from going to parent teacher conferences at 16 to determining when the 2 year old's asthma was bad enough to need a hospital trip. I worked through high school, paid for college on a scholarship with additional work. In high school, I decided I couldn't leave my siblings in that environment when I went to school. I told my parents they had to get their lives together---go to counseling, get on (and stay on) meds, and take more responsiblity for managing the kids--or I would file for custody of them. They agreed, and my siblings grew up very differently than I did. I'm thrilled that they are better and stable, and have been for years. The hiccup is that I am still expected to help mediate disagreements/conflict between them, but I have trouble understanding their dynamic/relatioship.The big drama now is that sister (24) wants to get married to guy. My family seems to really hate him, and I don't love him, but I'm not marrying him. He's nice to her, just totally terrible about working. Here's where the different dynamic comes in. I was married at 22, but I was completely independent, financially and otherwise. My sister is 24, but my parents pay all her bills, bought her a car, and even pay for her entertainment. As far as I can tell, she has literally no expenses and no idea how to manage her own finances. She doesn't have anything in her name. She works as a temp, and is about to get fired because she keeps missing work for stupid reasons. Guy lives at home, and also doesn't pay any of his own bills. My parents have basically said they won't pay for the wedding until my sister shows some responsibility by getting a stable job and taking on some of her own bills. And showing she has a plan to support themselves without help. Sister thinks parents are being unreasonable because both she and guy have jobs, and they have a plan (buy a house apparently?). Both my parents and my sister have asked me to talk to the other side. I'm honestly baffled by all of this. I can't imagine being supported (while working>!) well into my 20s, and I kinda feel like if she wants to get married, she needs to do it on her own. Or meet their demands. That's the cost of their financial support---they have the right to set whatever limits they want to set. I suggested as much, and sister said I was just bitter that they didn't support me in the same way and that I was a hypocrite because I got married younger than she is. She also said I can't talk about work since I don't work anymore. (I still work part-time from home, have held this job for 9 years, and have never missed a day of this job, including a day 3 days after my son was born. It's true that my respnsiblities are different than hers, but I work, I care for my kids, and I don't ask for help from anyone but my spouse.) I'm worried the bitter thing is clouding my judgment. I don't think I am, but it IS annoying that both my siblings had college totally paid for, additional years after college paid for, and a car paid for. Things were different for my parents when I was in college, but it's still annoying. I'd also love to not be involved in this nonsense at all. But that's not an option. Parents cannot remain stable without this sort of emotional support. Here are my proposed suggestions: To Parents: Stop supporting her as much. Help her make a budget, expect her to stick to it, and contribute to her own bills as much as she can. Separate the financial responsiblity issues from the guy issues, but feel free to refuse to pay for a wedding if you don't think they are ready. To Sister: Learn to set a budget, make budget back up plans, and find more stable employment. Start by looking at your income and expenses over a 6th month or so time frame. And start building some credit already! If you want to get married, do it, but figure out how to do it without help. Does that all seem reasonable? Am I off base? Is there something I'm missing? (Please don't quote---I might erase later)

The above is my concern with getting my DD an official dx. Drs for now mostly write aniexty and speech delays to avoid future insurance troubles.

I feel ya! We move a bunch (third city in 30 months!), we aren't Christian, and it gets hard. We've only really needed a HS group this city and the last, but it was still a challenge. Plus I think we have to move AGAIN in about another 8 months. I hope you find what you are looking for soon

We've used A-D (well, the 1st half of D. We've never used the downloadable products. In terms of what you need, you could make the game cards and phonogram cards if you don't mind a little work. You could also make the letter tiles. You really only NEED the TM and the WB, and the readers if they aren't in the back of the WB that level. We did get a lot of use out of the tactile cards for my fine-motor delayed kiddo. We've loved the program. It's not super teacher-involved to set up. I'd say most of the time I spend 5ish minutes figuring out what the lesson will need that day and getting it together. It's certainly gotten quicker as we've moved along and I got more comfortable with the materials/system. You can totally combine kids. In fact, I think the program works better with a few kids to play the games together. And it is a really complete program. By the end of level C, DD was reading at a mid second grade level. Now she can read pretty much anything she wants, and is very comfortable reading chapter books. The process was pretty painless once we switched to LOE (we started with 100EZ....it was an awful fit for her).

We've used A-D (well, the 1st half of D. We've never used the downloadable products. In terms of what you need, you could make the game cards and phonogram cards if you don't mind a little work. You could also make the letter tiles. You really only NEED the TM and the WB, and the readers if they aren't in the back of the WB that level. We did get a lot of use out of the tactile cards for my fine-motor delayed kiddo. We've loved the program. It's not super teacher-involved to set up. I'd say most of the time I spend 5ish minutes figuring out what the lesson will need that day and getting it together. It's certainly gotten quicker as we've moved along and I got more comfortable with the materials/system. You can totally combine kids. In fact, I think the program works better with a few kids to play the games together. And it is a really complete program. By the end of level C, DD was reading at a mid second grade level. Now she can read pretty much anything she wants, and is very comfortable reading chapter books. The process was pretty painless once we switched to LOE (we started with 100EZ....it was an awful fit for her).

My daughter really enjoyed the Greetings from Somewhere series as well as the Judy Moody books if you are looking for birdges between picture books and chapter books. But honestly, despite the fact that DD can read more complex books, she sometimes just wants to read silly rhyming picture books. I think she also struggles with the visual aspect of it--a lot of small text on a page seems to bug her eyes, which naturally limits some of her reading. I do try to encourage more complicated reading by strewing around books that are likely to be interesting that are a higher reading level.

DD(5) is reading the Henry Huggins series and My Father's Dragon. And because she's five, she's also reading The Owl Diaries series (painfully dull in my view). We're reading The Castle Glower Series, which is a pretty female positive series about wizards, castles, and princesses. The lead character is a 8-12 year old female (she ages during the series) who is not interested in boys. DD is in a princess phase, and I'm all about strong female princesses that aren't all damsel in distress-y. I'm continuing my project to read through Agatha Christie in chronological order. I have about 6 books left. I'm also working on The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun. I suppose I should read something more adultish and challenging, but I'm so not in the mood.

We move a lot. I appreciate just friendliness. I tend to be shy, so it's really helpful when someone approaches me. But that's probably a personal opinion. Oh, and ideas of places to go/hang out. I never know the good coffee shops/parks/playgrounds.

Mostly the library. The problem is that it's hard to predict what will contain something upsetting. She read a book about unicorns that had her in tears because it was a tale that ended with the unicorns going extinct, and she found it heartbreaking. But she doesn't talk about it unless she reads it to me. She holds it in and gets broody.