Being a SAHM?

[Night Elf]

Do you absolutely love being a SAHM? I really do! I miss my kids being littles though. Now I just feel like a housewife because my kids are older and don't need me as much, except as taxi service. I worked a few times in the past 20 years, but certainly not much. I haven't minded keeping up with the house and the kids when they were younger, but I've always disliked cooking. My DH helps a lot with that. I'm so happy being home and hope to never work again. DH said we'd see what happens but I'll be very disappointed if he wants me to get a job when he retires. He can stay part-time as a consultant and probably make more than I could in a year. The only work I can do now is daycare and retail. Neither pay much and I have a hard time thinking I'd find a job easily when I'm in my late 50's.

[regentrude]

Do you absolutely love being a SAHM?

 

No, I did not absolutely love being a SAHM. I felt very lonely and missed intellectual stimulation and developed depression that only resolved when I gave up staying home and began working outside the home part time. Not being a SAHM made me a better wife and mother.

Now that my kids are older ***, I would be bored out of my skull if I stayed home.

 

***ETA to clarify because of later comments: DD is away at college, and DS is a very independent junior with a busy life of his own - so no, homeschooling does no longer take significant time for me.

Edited March 1, 2016 by regentrude

[Hilltopmom]

Love it! No plans on ever working again if I can help it.

Nothing wrong with "just" being a housewife either if you want, once the kids are grown.

 

Would possibly consider teaching play based preschool again, but not public school. But, since I'm 41 & have a one year old who I plan to be home with till graduation, I'll be getting up there by the time the kids are all out of the house- certainly not likely to start a new career pushing 60:)

 

But- I would like to get out of the house more without kids. I could use the (non homeschooling) friends & activities not focused on kids.

Edited March 1, 2016 by Hilltopmom

[Carol in Cal.]

I thought I would hate it, and that it would be depressing, but actually I loved it.

 

I think that this was partly because I started so late, 39 or so, and had already had a very satisfying career, so I didn't feel the wistfulness of missed opportunities or out of reach accomplishments.  Certainly I could have progressed farther, but I didn't have any regrets because I had already come so far.

 

I enjoyed learning so much as a homeschooling parent, and really, that has stayed with me.

 

Also, I like to cook and I love to entertain people, and so although I hate cleaning and decluttering and such, there were aspects of housewifery that were an unexpected pleasure.  And it was nice to be able to fit in more reading, plus I have hobbies and avocations (weaving, singing, nonprofit work, hiking, etc.) that meant that I didn't feel trapped at home.  Lastly, when I was home I was able to prioritize health in a way that I can't ever seem to do on the job.  But mostly I liked being the kind of parent that I really thought was best.

 

 

Edited March 1, 2016 by Carol in Cal.

[Sarah CB]

No, I did not absolutely love being a SAHM. I felt very lonely and missed intellectual stimulation and developed depression that only resolved when I gave up staying home and began working outside the home part time. Not being a SAHM made me a better wife and mother.

Now that my kids are older, I would be bored out of my skull if I stayed home.

 

That's funny.  I have so many things that I'm interested in learning about and doing that I could never be bored out of my skull at home.  If anything, I think being employed by someone would really limit me.  

[UCF612]

I love it.  I went back to work for a year last year.  It was torture.   I missed my kids, I missed being a SAHM.   I'd love to have another little little one at home (which probably won't happen).  My boys are still young but not really little anymore, you know?  I'm so thankful to be back to being a homeschool stay at home mom!  I wouldn't mind a paycheck but I love what I do.  

 

I felt more alone, more excluded, more hidden away when I was working.  As a SAHM we get out regularly, I see my friends 10 times more often than I was able before.  I felt pulled in 100 directions last  year and floundered.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

I didn't think I'd like it, and it was an adjustment at first, but now I really like it. I think it would be hard for me to have to go work a 9 to 5 in some cubical (like I did prior). 

 

 

[regentrude]

That's funny.  I have so many things that I'm interested in learning about and doing that I could never be bored out of my skull at home.  If anything, I think being employed by someone would really limit me.  

 

I am an extrovert. I do not thrive on solitary pursuits, however educational in theory, but need stimulating interaction with adults. I have that at work. My friends all work.

 

ETA: Even with work, I am feeling my brain rot. I teach calculus based physics at a four year university, but sufficient intellectual stimulation this is not.

Edited March 1, 2016 by regentrude

[Arcadia]

I would rather work, even if it is volunteer work.

 

However I would be happy being a SAHM with lots of volunteer work. Just as my kids crave social interaction outside of family, so do I. My hubby would be contented interacting with hardware rather than humans but enjoy reading forums so he never gets cabin fever.

[SparklyUnicorn]

That's funny.  I have so many things that I'm interested in learning about and doing that I could never be bored out of my skull at home.  If anything, I think being employed by someone would really limit me.  

 

I'm like this too. 

[Tsuga]

I think I would have enjoyed being a SAHW if my husband were loaded, and were fully appreciative of the opportunity to support someone running an intellectual salon and art / music studio.

 

I couldn't enjoy knowing that my whole livelihood depended on one person's largesse, not having seen the ugly side of that. Maybe if I didn't know and I were innocent and thought, "Well of COURSE he'd never cheat or throw me out--I'm way too awesome for that!" Then I could live without fear.

 

I also couldn't enjoy it if he nagged me.

 

And I cannot stand changing diapers or pottying people or cleaning up all day. So SAHM, no. I need a break from the kids.

 

Just not working for money could be nice, though provided you were totally 100% financially secure.

 

I think I'd use the time to use my statistical skills to apply to NASA's public database and be the astronomer I always wanted to be. That's what I'm going to do when I retire.

[J&JMom]

I love being a stay at home mom and honestly, hope to never work outside the home again if we can financially swing it (and atm we can, thankfully).  Since I have been home for over 12 years from a professional job that required overtime and travel, I have been able 1) take care of my older son after 1 year in day care, 2) handle the medical and therapy needs of my special needs younger son, 3) take care of my mom during the last years of her life while battling Alzheimer's, 4) take of my brother during his last year of life, 5) volunteer with my sons' Cub Scout and now Boy Scout groups, 6) teach classes at Church, 7) learn piano and now painting, 8) took creative writing classes and wrote a novel, and 9) HOMESCHOOL my children. Yeah, I have been so bored with nothing to fulfilling to do *snark*  I figure I'll volunteer more, focus more on music and art, read, and whatever else strikes my fancy when my kids go to more conventional education (high school/college). I have way too many interests too be just sit around watching TV.

Edited March 1, 2016 by J&JMom

[marbel]

I thought I would hate it, and that it would be depressing, but actually I loved it.

 

I think that this was partly because I started so late, 39 or so, and had already had a very satisfying career, so I didn't feel the wistfulness of missed opportunities or out of reach accomplishments.  Certainly I could have progressed farther, but I didn't have any regrets because I had already come so far.

 

I enjoyed learning so much as a homeschooling parent, and really, that has stayed with me.

 

Also, I like to cook and I love to entertain people, and so although I hate cleaning and decluttering and such, there were aspects of housewifery that were an unexpected pleasure.  And it was nice to be able to fit in more reading, plus I have hobbies and avocations (weaving, singing, nonprofit work, hiking, etc.) that meant that I didn't feel trapped at home.  Lastly, when I was home I was able to prioritize health in a way that I can't ever seem to do on the job.  But mostly I liked being the kind of parent that I really thought was best.

 

This is me too. I worked for 20 years before I got married and had kids.  It was pretty easy for me to turn my back on my career.   At the time I quit my job, I never expected I'd end up homeschooling my kids. 

 

I will be 61 when my youngest graduates.  I'm pretty sure it would be hard to find a job at that point; I don't want to go back to work, but it might be necessary to try to find something.  I would prefer to be just a housewife and do all the things I've not gotten to do all these homeschooling years.

 

[mamiof5]

I absolutely love it, with a passion. Praying to God that I don't ever have to go back to work. Life is so short, I enjoy spending as much time as I can with my kids. I really love just being home and homeschooling my kids. I'm not an introvert, and do crave time without the kids (and thankfully I get some), but I love my lifestyle, being a mom, a wife and staying home :)

ETA: also praying we can live on dh's retirement and by then hopefully enjoy being grandparents and maybe enjoy a bit of traveling. I dream a lot :)

Edited March 1, 2016 by mamiof5

[JustEm]

Not currently but I have too much on my plate right now and finding it hard to cope with all I'm responsible for in my family. Dh and I are having a hard time finding the right balance so everyone's needs are met.

[texasmama]

I struggled at home when the kids were little with loneliness.  I had three babies in five years, and it was hard to get out.  I am extroverted and suffered during these years.  I was happier when I worked very part-time.  Now, I am not working at all, though I teach a high school English class at co-op, and this requires enough of my time, energy, and brain engagement that it qualifies.  I also am kept busy with volunteer positions as an officer in my little dd's AHG troop and as the coach's wife in my boys' basketball team.  I do not lack for activities, interaction with other people, and intellectual stimulation.  Teaching the English class is currently my most intellectually fulfilling role.  I will go back to work part-time at some point because it is how I am wired. However, I am signed up to teach high school English at the co-op again next year, and AHG and the basketball team will still play a role in my life, so I am not lacking for things to do.

[medawyn]

I love being a SAHM!  I don't love toddlers, but I know it's such a short phase that I'm trying to embrace even the toddler tornado.

 

I do miss teaching middle school, and that is a combination of missing interactions with older, more interesting ages and the teaching itself.  I figure being a homeschooling SAHM will eventually take care of that!

 

If I HAD to go to work again, I probably wouldn't hate being back in the classroom, but I'd much rather be home with kids and run our house/lives than work outside the home. I'm grateful we are in a position that I can stay home with my babies.

[FO4UR]

Nurturing my own little ones is the most significant work I have ever done, and probably ever will do.  In that regard, I love being a SAHM.

 

That said, I do not love the drudgery of non-stop housework.  I do not like to be isolated. I'd prefer a paycheck for the work I do.

 

So, I am already preparing myself and making plans for life after SAHM.  It's a season I'm thankful for, and it's a season I'm thankful to leave behind.

 

 

[EmseB]

In theory and in my romanticized notions I love it.  I love thinking about it, I love home management, I love having a small passel of children, I love the whole idea of it.

 

But, in practicality I struggle and don't always do my best because of tiredness, or laziness, or lack of self-control.  So I don't always act as though I love it.  But I do.

 

I can't think of any career that I could do that would be more worth my time than raising my little family.  I can't think of anything more valuable to my kids than me being here for them.  I can't think of any better way for me to develop patience, kindness, gentleness, etc than having to practice it each day with my own children.  They make me a better person.  And growing in those areas is difficult.

 

 

[J-rap]

I loved being a SAHM.  I can't imagine being bored out of my skull.  Well, maybe, if I were more the traditional housewife and cooked and sewed and cleaned all day.  I didn't do that part very well!  But staying home to teach my children and expose them to all the ideas and excitement life has to offer? I loved it.  I got a lot of satisfaction from doing that.  I did like getting out and seeing other adults as well, which I did.

 

I understand it's not for everybody.

[Guest]

In some respects I really do, but I've been a housewife almost our entire marriage. I still work and pursue things I enjoy in both hobby and career but if I never earned a dime more than covering my business licenses my husband wouldn't care.

 

I love the freedom of my schedule and not having other people bossing me around. I love being around my kids and seeing them grow even when I want a break sometimes. I really couldn't imagine sending them off elsewhere for half their waking hours and am glad we have found a way to allow us to stay together most of the time.

 

I know my husband greatly values my contributions to the family, even if I sometimes wish I was doing something more 'important' to society. I read these threads disdaining going marrieds or women who don't complete X years of college and employment and have to remind myself that someone else's prejudices doesn't make our own choices poor. We do the best for our family and me being a housewife is definitely one of those. 95% of the time k love it, and I will very likely never re-enter the workforce except in the capacity I'm already at - working from home on my own varied businesses for my own pleasure.

[Guest]

That's funny. I have so many things that I'm interested in learning about and doing that I could never be bored out of my skull at home. If anything, I think being employed by someone would really limit me.

That's been my experience. Even going back to college I was chafing at keeping someone else's silly schedule, the limits on me managing my own time because of it, and the ridiculous and pointless hoops I had to jump through for people I was paying to provide ME a service. They're surprisingly uppity and self important compared to other professionals - I have a low tolerance for that.

[Bluegoat]

I like it for the most part but I initially found the adjustment hard. We were in a very rural area with no family near.

 

Now that my kids are between five and eleven it's fulfilling in other ways. I like teaching and I like that I can take on other things - I'm on the board of a charity, I do some other volunteer work, I can do a study group, and so on. I like having time for gardening or keeping connections up with family and friends - my dh doesn't really do that and I feel like we would be isolated if I didn't

 

I may at some point do pt work but I prefer our home life when someone has some time for the home management tasks. I would never want to have us all rushing around all the time.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I worked until #6 was born at which point working was costing me money. The actual housewife part I'm not thrilled with. The cleaning, shopping, etc. I don't mind kid care and now that mine are older I love the field trips, hanging out stuff. I also like the time to read, study my interests and work out. The money thing really bugs me. I hate feeling I'm not contributing.

[Loowit]

I love it.  I never really worked outside the home for pay since getting married almost 20 years ago.  I tried a few times here and there, but nothing really worked out and they we decided that it might be best to not have a paying job and become dependent on my needing to bring in income.  So I did volunteer work that kept me busy until we had children.  Right now my days are pretty filled with activity.  I know that I am called a stay at home mom, but I am not home all that much in reality.  We school most of the day now that kids are older and then almost every evening we have an activity to be at.  I also do volunteer work that takes up a lot of time.  I would have to give up an awful lot if I were to get a job.  I am hoping to not have to work again other an volunteering and I am looking forward to a bit more downtime once the kids are grown and out of the house.

[JonesinIndiana]

I'm working part time but I would love to be home full time. We had children later in life, I left a great career to be home full time and we began homeschooling. Now, with the economy and a difficult move, I work 2 days a week. I'm not happy in this job but my 2 days a week brings in half our monthly income. I have to work. ðŸ™

[Pawz4me]

For the most part I love being a SAHM.

 

When the boys were young and the internet wasn't quite what it is nowadays I did get lonely and bored.  Once they were old enough to carry on good conversations (and thankfully they reached that milestone very early!) the lonely/bored stage of life ended.  I honestly can't remember the last time I was bored.  I've always got more things to research and learn about than I have time for.

 

I'm not sure if I'll ever try to find another job or not.  If I do it will be something part time and low stress.

[Joker]

I do! I actually recently went back to work and hated it. Dh was happy when I told him I wanted to be back home full time. So I quit. Mine are both teens now and I still enjoy being home. Dh would rather me stay home for good so when dds are launched I can travel with him for work. So, that's probably what I'll do and I'm happy about it.

Edited March 1, 2016 by Joker

[Zinnia]

I love it.  I'll be 55 when my youngest graduates, and that's seems a hard age to start over.  But I'm starting to think about what might be next for me.  Maybe filling my time with volunteer work, but I wouldn't mind a new career.  Just not sure what it will be.

[Dicentra]

I'm a fairly extreme introvert so I don't mind being at home and alone - with the amount of books I own plus my piano and flute and my horses, I can always be assured of not being bored. :)  I do not, however, enjoy taking care of small children or doing SAHM-type work - housework, home organization, crafting, etc.  I know my sister would have had a zillion babies - if only they stayed babies. :P  Some people love babies, little ones, and staying home to take care of them.  I couldn't WAIT until my dd was a teen.  But I'm weird that way. ;)

 

I work part time as a college instructor and I enjoy the work but, not being an extrovert, I don't need the social aspect as much as others might.

[MEmama]

I love it, totally and completely. I feel incredibly fortunate to be in the position where I got a choice.

 

I am starting to think about some kind of part time work I can do in a couple years if DS decides to go to public high school. I don't really want to be beholden to someone else's schedule and give up my own priorities, though, and after being out of the workforce for so long I'm not sure what kind of marketable skills I have. It isn't a prospect that excites me on any level, but I suppose I'll need something to do with my time and I could put any money I earn into DS's college fund. Ideally I'll find something I can do at home. It's very important to me that I'm available during his final years at home, and that work doesn't force me to sacrifice family time.

[lllll]

nm

Edited March 7, 2016 by _ oq?"

[madteaparty]

Nope. I hate it. Can't wait to go back to work.

The thing is, I don't want to completely abandon the kids so I'm looking for part time or contract work. Which in my industry does not exist unless you have established yourself and then negotiate something. Which i did, and then stupidly gave up. So I'm essentially looking for a job that doesn't exist. Wish me luck! :)

Eta: I don't need paid work. However, volunteer work seems harder to come by than paid work (one place wanted me to commit to 6 set weekdays for training, in a row, no flexibility. I mentioned school pick up and got no sympathy.)

Edited March 1, 2016 by madteaparty

[Andani]

With all my heart! I've loved homeschooling as well. We're planning for the children to go to school in the fall, so to fill my time I'd like to get my house organized and clean.

 

I want to be available for helping my friends if they need a sitter occasionally through the day, driving church ladies to appointments, and hosting lunches at my house. I'll probably volunteer at the school. I'd love to get back to my art. I'll still need to keep up with laundry, meals, and cleaning at home. I've got so many plans for my time...

 

There are innumerable ways to be productive and contribute to society other than getting a job. I'm happy for the ladies who choose employment, but this idea-- that if you're not working in business, then you're destined for boredom-- I wish it would go away.

[PineFarmMom]

I love it!!! My little ones are getting older and I often wish I had more just to keep the whole thing rolling!! Haha. I wouldn't trade for anything!!!

[DawnM]

Nope!

I stay home (or have until now) because my special needs child has needed me.

 

I miss working.  Everyone said, "Oh, give it a couple of years, you will adjust."

 

It is 11 years later.  I still MISS WORKING!  

 

I am applying for jobs now.....full time.

[pinkmint]

Love/ hate. I am doing it mainly because it's the right thing to do for our particular journey, not because it's easy, it's not. The way I see it is that it's very hard, very important work.

 

Some of the good is that I'm an INFJ who longs for meaning much more than money. Also DH is like the world's most supportive, loyal, stress-free, easy going guy who often believes in what I'm doing as a SAHM more than me. That is huge. I am thankful I don't have to deal with a DH who looks down on what I do, or who holds his bread-winner powers over me in some way. I would not be a SAHM in such a scenario.

 

That said, being poor sucks, lol. I am in no way a SAHM because we can afford it or because the general circumstances are favorable. We live in a semi-ghetto area. It's no Leave it to Beaver over here. Gangster rap wafting through the windows, beer cans blowing down the street, etc. And because of that I think it adds to what is already an alienating profession (SAHM). I am the weird white lady with no job in my neighborhood.

 

I sometimes go into a spiral of disillusionment feeling like I'm only here because my husband and kids can't fire me. And because I've only had low paying, easy-to-get jobs in my life, AND I've been fired a good number of times, I sometimes think I'm just not good at anything, so that's why I'm here.

 

Sorry if it sounds depressing. I just think about these things a lot.

Edited March 1, 2016 by pinkmint

[Guest]

I love being able to be what my kids need me right now.

 

I also look forward to being other things some day.

 

I do need more scratch, but more than that I just want to have been able to be a Ma and... whatever "and" ends up being...

 

Someone not defined exclusively through her relationships to other people.

 

For now, with little ones still, I am very glad their lives are the way they are b/c DH can work and I can stay home and be their teacher. Rue the day when anyone forgets I am other things too, though...

 

ETA I hate doing housework though. I get no sense of satisfaction or whatever from it. It is pure drudgery from which there is little reprieve.

Edited March 1, 2016 by OKBud

[BooksandBoys]

I've been both a working outside the home mom and a stay at home, homeschooling mom. I am currently the latter. While I love teaching my children, I do not enjoy being a stay at home mom. I want to work. In my ideal world (I'm slowly working on it), I would work part time or more, have part time child care that helps facilitate homeschooling/very basic household work, and someone to deep clean my house. Child care would also greatly simplify all these therapy appointments that I'm supposed to attend with only one of my three children. How that's going to work in any long term way without a nanny type figure is beyond me. :-)

[Carol in Cal.]

I decided to add this here rather than editing my comment above:

 

When I was in my 20s I would have felt trapped beyond my ability to say as a SAHM.  I pretty much defined myself by my career then, and I would probably have been the poster child for The Problem That Has No Name.  Thankfully by the time I had my first child I was more well-rounded and confident, so I didn't need the career for that anymore.  

 

Staying home is not for everybody, and it isn't even for all stages of life.  Although my time at home was my favorite part of my adult life, I would never push that onto someone else as an obligation.  It doesn't do your child any favors to stay home as a furious or depressed or perpetually regretful mother.

[Night Elf]

I often think about volunteer work, but I don't know where to start. I participate in a food drive that picks up every other month but I only donate food. They probably need drivers to pick up bags but I hate driving and have anxiety about going places I've never been to before, so that's out. I used to belong to a church and was a Sunday School teacher and Awanas leader on Wednesdays. I loved doing that, but then we moved and I didn't find a new church home. Now I've been out of church for so long that I feel very awkward about going back. Besides, the rest of my immediate family are atheists. It makes the idea of church very hard.

 

I do the same things every day, mostly reading. I never tired of reading. I do feel bored sometimes but I always find something to do even if I just go to the bookstore to browse. Right now I'm taxi to both younger kids in school, neither of them are interested in driving. Dd is going away to college in the fall so she won't need me to drive her to/from school anymore. I do worry my days will become more boring without her around. We'll see what happens. As long as ds refuses to drive, I need to be available to get him to classes though, so I can't even think about going back to work until that problem gets resolved. I really don't want to work outside the home though. I wouldn't mind finding a job to do at home but I don't have a college degree and I think most work from home jobs require one.

 

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who loves being home and hopes to never work again though. I was wondering if I was alone in that.

[duckabell]

I feel like the lines between being a SAHM/WAHM have always been blurred for me. While I've mainly stayed home with my kids, I've usually brought in some income. Years ago I taught piano lessons. Then my husband returned to school and I became a general transcriptionist and worked from home while my children slept.

 

After a couple of years of that, my kids started dropping their naps and staying up later which made transcription more difficult. Right now I am working part-time for my husband's business. I also earn a small amount of passive income each month from an online course I've created.

 

My older two kids are in public school, and have been for two-three years. So it's just me and my three-year-old now during the day. Last year I really struggled with just being alone with a two-year-old all day. So this year I became an official part of my husband's business and pay for childcare for my youngest while his siblings are in school, 2-3 days a week. This also helps me separate work and home more, although I'm still "on call" when the kids are with me if I there's a proposal or document that needs editing. My son likes to play with other kids his age at his caregiver's house, so that's a bonus, too. 

 

It is important for me to be home when my older kids get home from school as much as I can. I feel spoiled to be able to work part-time with my husband and set my own hours. It's working out well for me right now. 

 

I've thought about going back to school when my youngest is in school, but I don't know if I want to add the chaos to our household, and my husband would need to find someone to replace me. Plus, there's the cost of an additional degree (I already have a bachelor's) when I don't want an 8-5 job.  I figure that by working part-time I'm keeping my skills sharp and helping out my family at home. 

[FaithManor]

No, I did not absolutely love being a SAHM. I felt very lonely and missed intellectual stimulation and developed depression that only resolved when I gave up staying home and began working outside the home part time. Not being a SAHM made me a better wife and mother.

Now that my kids are older ***, I would be bored out of my skull if I stayed home.

 

***ETA to clarify because of later comments: DD is away at college, and DS is a very independent junior with a busy life of his own - so no, homeschooling does no longer take significant time for me.

This describes me as well. I have always tried to at least keep a foot in the door with music and another with my job previous to homeschooling. I enjoy my paid tutoring but with a very independent learning junior as my last child at home this fall who will also be taking some DE, I am looking forward to transitioning back into more outside work.

[Arcadia]

This thread ties in with the other thread on homeschooling personality types http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/588093-homeschooling-personality-types/

 

I love social interaction, love being outside and moving, love debates, but do not love instructing. Perfectly okay as a facilitator or planner but probably pathetic as a mentor and crabby as an instructor.

 

ETA:

Hubby is great at housework and all our relatives are an ocean away even though right now a nephew is at an exchange program in Atlanta.

Edited March 1, 2016 by Arcadia

[HS Mom in NC]

Yes, as a whole, but like everything else there are ups and downs that go with it.

 

Living in one of the largest homeschooling communities, having lots of extended family around, and being involved in many of out of the house interests over the years when possible probably make it more enjoyable for me than for isolated homeschoolers with no family or difficult family nearby.

I don't have a fussy, needy, messy, haphazard or lazy husband and he has very marketable skills (a highly skilled software programmer who works from home) so he's very employable.

[Matryoshka]

I absolutely loved homeschooling my kids and not having to work for pay outside the home while doing it.  When they were younger, that also gave me lots of time for intellectual stimulation and social interaction.  I enjoy teaching/tutoring and planning.

 

BUT - I hate housecleaning, laundry, daily cooking, being the chauffeur.  So, really, I have liked staying home as long as I've had a job (homeschooling the kids), even if it wasn't for pay.  Now, technically two are still 'homeschooled', but really, they're mostly at the CC and doing online stuff, because they really don't want me teaching them anymore.  Yes, I have some 'guidance counselor' work, but it's not as rewarding (I think it would be much more rewarding to do with someone else's teens!).  Mostly when I bring up GC type stuff they tell me to stop bugging them and I'm stressing them out.

 

So, pretty much all that's left is the housewife, cook and chauffeuring responsibilities.   I hate, hate, hate it.  I feel like a servant, and one that's taken for granted at that.  I minded doing these things much less when they were just something I had to do in between other stuff.  Now that I don't have 'other stuff', I find myself really resentful.  Unfortunately, with all the chauffeuring, I don't have enough time to commit to an outside job, even part time.  Hopefully that will change next year when the older two go off to college and there's only one teen to juggle.  I need adult interaction, intellectual stimulation, and yes, purpose. 

 

If my only 'purpose' is keeping the house tidy and cooking everyone meals, I might as well just take a leap off a bridge. 

[Guest]

I love being a SAHM/WAHM. What really delights me is planning my schedule to suit myself. I love having lots of open time that I can do something I enjoy. Many of my interests are solitary.

[Wheres Toto]

I enjoy being a SAHM.  I worked full time when my oldest was little (back to work at 7 weeks old), right up until I had ds when she was 11.   The baby stage was a little rough and I was never very good at housework but being home was nice.  I returned to work a few years ago (It would have been 3 years in July) out of necessity but now I'm going to be home again! :hurray:

 

I'm looking forward to it.  The kids are older, slightly more independent, and I have more going on now so I don't think I'll be such a homebody to the point of depression.

 

[Garga]

I'm content. I don't like cleaning. I do the bare minimum of cleaning which means there is dust under the furniture and cobwebs in the corners, but the kitchen counters get scrubbed down as does the bathroom.

 

I dislike cooking so I tend to cook 1/2 homemade 1/2 canned. Like, spaghetti sauce always comes out of a jar, but I bake my own chickens.

 

I adore the time I spend with the kids now. When they were tiny, I loved every minute with them but at the exact same time I wanted to be alone. It was confusing. But now that they're older I look for more ways to be with them.

 

I am intellectually stimulated with coming up with curriculum ideas and preparing for homeschool and the actual homeschooling. This year is very teacher intensive and I'm ok with that.

 

The bad side is that when I'm not out with other adults, my thoughts get a little dark. I tend to ruminate on sad or bad things that happened in my life and can't get out of my own head. I hadn't realized I was in that place again until a few days ago. However, while I know the cure is to get out and about, I'm feeling particularly introverted right now and don't want to get out and about.

 

Bottom line, I am content and moderately happy as a SAHM. I can't really imagine ever getting a stressful job again. If I work again, I plan on working somewhere cute, like one of the shops in the tourist town up the road or something like that. Low responsibility. Or maybe I'll finally write that book I always wanted to write.

Edited March 1, 2016 by Garga

[wendyroo]

Well...today I had to take all the kids to Peter's psychiatrist appointment.  The nurse just needed to measure his height, weight and blood pressure so the doctor could renew his prescription, but they wouldn't let the pediatrician (10 minutes from home) take the measurements and call them in so we were forced to wait 3 months for an appointment to "see" the psych and drive 45 minutes to that office in blizzard, ice rink conditions.

 

All the way there Audrey screamed because I had had to wake her up from her nap for the inconvenient appointment time, but if we had waited for a morning appointment we couldn't have gotten in until May.  Peter perseverated "Mom...Mom...Mom" the whole way because he wanted to tell me jokes, and even though I was reminding him every 5 minutes that I had to pay attention to the road and I could not listen to jokes, he either didn't remember or didn't care.  Spencer was screaming at the top of his lungs "Mo EEEE!!!" over and over which meant more magazines.  I had given him a dozen magazines before we left, but in a fit of pique he had hurled them all at Audrey and now had none.  Elliot had taken off his shoe and was using it to hammer the van's side window as hard as he could, but I was relatively certain he could not break it and I knew that any reaction from me would just escalate his behavior and perhaps goad him into unbuckling his car seat as a sure fire way to get my attention, so I didn't even attempt to get him to stop.

 

When we got to the doctor's office I discovered that Peter had no shoes.  The child is turning 7 in a couple weeks, and yet it still doesn't occur to him that a trip to the doctor's office - in a foot of snow!!! - requires shoes.  But there was no turning back, so I grabbed him on one hip and Audrey's carseat in the other hand.  Except that Spencer and Elliot started brawling over who was going to get out last and push the button to close the door.  It was 20* out, the snow was turning to sleet, Peter and Audrey and I were getting soaked, so I set Audrey's seat in the foot of snow and forcibly hauled Spencer out of the van.  He promptly collapsed to the ground in a screaming, kicking fit and started trying to run away from me into the zero-visibility parking lot.  Then, as the icing on the cake, Elliot started throwing a tantrum over GETTING HIS WAY!!  He was now the last one in the car and allowed to push the button and yet he was refusing to do so and was maniacally laughing from his perch in the way back where I couldn't reach him.

 

I had my shoe-less 6.95 year old on my hip, was holding on for dear life to my toddler's flailing wrist to keep him from throwing himself in front of a car, was watching my baby get covered by a snow drift and was ready to kill my 4 year old.  There have been many periods in the last 7ish years that I greatly enjoyed being a stay at home mom, but, as hjffkj said above, currently there is far too much on my plate: too much stress, too many budget and time constraints and too many children who are physically and intellectually "big kids", but functionally toddlers.  The bottom line, however, is that with the kids I've been dealt, staying home, even with an over-stressed mother, is the only tenable option, so it is what it is and I try to make the best of it singing to myself "The sun will come out tomorrow, So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow, come what may!"

 

Wendy