Chores - why give children specific ones?

[AimeeM]

Lighthearted (most of the time) debate between myself and DH.

 

DH believes the children should be given specific chores that are "theirs". To the best of my knowledge, he didn't have "him-specific" chores growing up - he just helped out when needed.

 

I believe that as long as the children help out when they see something that needs to be done, or when asked to do something, there is no need for "individual kid-specific chores". I had a couple chores growing up, that were "mine," and don't see the value. 

 

DD14's only real "her" chore fell by the wayside when we moved - she used to take the recycling out to the bins and then to the curb on trash/recycling day, but in our new city/area we no longer have recycling pick-up. 

She also set the table for dinner (which we'll get back to; in the midst of unpacking, etc, our family dinners have happened here and there, as opposed to nightly, as they used to be).

She's GREAT about helping out where/when needed, and that's all that matters to me. Yesterday I was ill (seriously ill - felt like I could barely move); She watched the younger boys most of the day, played with them, fed them, made chocolate covered apples with them, etc; she unloaded the dishwasher for me, took care of the dogs, kept me company, etc. Watched each of the boys individually while I had to once run to the pharmacy and then another time I had to take The Marvelous Flying Marco (DS3) to urgent care because he stuck something up his nose (fun times).

 

DS6 is relatively good about helping out, too, when specifically asked (he doesn't really notice what needs to be done unless asked, but I think that's pretty age typical - it isn't like he can see clutter on places that he's shorter than, lol).

 

DS3 is, well, 3. He helps when asked, and when we show him what to do.

 

 

 

Honestly, I don't even know what I would "assign" if I WERE to give them each specific chores. The things they primarily do now anyway?

Have DD14 teach DS6 how to set the table; DD14 already feeds the dogs, so I could "assign" her that, I guess. We live in the suburbs, have a small yard (and a landscaper that cares for it), and there just aren't a ton of things to be done, kwim?

If you live in a similar type environment, what are some chores that your children have?

[Sarah CB]

I like assigned chores when they're little because they learn to do something really well.  I usually went with them and spent time teaching them how to clean a sink or a toilet or whatever it was.  Then I'd watch them do it and coach them through it.  Then I'd check back once in a while to see that it was still done properly.  Eventually, I could count on it being done properly and on time.  It was no longer something I really had to think about.

 

Now all of my kids have been trained to do just about all of the chores.  I still prefer assigning chores because then it's completely off my plate and I just know it's going to get done.  One ds cleans the cat litter and takes out the garbage every night.  I don't want to try to tag a different kid with that each day or even remember that I need to tell someone to do it.  The chores the kids are assigned to become their responsibility, not mine. 

[MEmama]

We don't do specific chores. I don't see the value in that, and like you there just isn't that much to do. DS is a super helper around the house and volunteers to do plenty, and he's always happy to help when I ask. The closest thing to "his" responsibility is to do his own laundry, but often I'll throw his in to complete a load of ours, or he'll put ours in to fill a load of his. He knows how to do it, so it seems silly to me to insist on being rigid.

 

It might look different for us if we were a large family but with 3 of us, we all just pitch in where it makes sense.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I can see it both ways, and I guess that's kind of how we do it around here. Both kids have specific chores because those tasks work with what they can manage (both time-wise and ability-wise), and because those are the chores they've chosen to take over. However, they're also expected to help out as needed. They're not great at spotting things, but DD13 is getting better, and lately she's begun asking "What can I do to help?" when she sees we're crunched for some reason. DD10 is also getting better (though not great, she's my ADHD mess-maker  :willy_nilly: ). DH has a few specific chores too.

 

It makes things feel more streamlined, and it helps my relatively unstructured kids learn to incorporate a little structure into their lives. If you don't want to be embarrassed by the state of our bathroom when your friend comes over every Wednesday (or more accurately, if you don't want to listen to your mother kvetch about how embarrassing it is), then you'd better get it clean on Tuesday instead. If you really don't want to be taking out the garbage and recycling at midnight by yourself in your PJs, then you'd better remember what day it is earlier in the day!

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I still prefer assigning chores because then it's completely off my plate and I just know it's going to get done.  One ds cleans the cat litter and takes out the garbage every night.  I don't want to try to tag a different kid with that each day or even remember that I need to tell someone to do it.  The chores the kids are assigned to become their responsibility, not mine. 

 

I was going say more about this in my post, but instead I'll just say  :iagree:. This is a big chunk of it for me too. 

[Janie Grace]

We have assigned chores not for any lofty philosophical reasons but because it helps me to know that everything is getting done. The one chore that kind of "floats" (feeding the dog) is a pain because I am constantly asking, "did you feed the dog? Did he feed the dog? Did anyone feed the dog?" So I probably just need to assign that one, too. :)

[Miss Tick]

I started assigning chores when I was feeling overwhelmed keeping track of, or doing everything myself. I wrote out a rotating list so everyone learns all the tasks and no one feels singled out. In addition I expect people to help when asked, but when things are going smoothly there isn't much to ask about. I update or juggle the list about once a year.

[Mom22ns]

I was never organized enough to assign chores. I clean as I see the need or as the mood hits, just like I do everything else. I don't clean by a schedule, so it never made any sense to me to have the kids cleaning by a schedule. My kids help when asked. They had responsibility for their rooms and the bathroom they use most. Dd took on her own laundry. Ds had a ferret and the care of the ferret was all his. When ds left for college, I realized just how much he normally helped out. Suddenly I found myself doing a lot more housework.  :lol:

 

Both of my kids learned to clean everything I clean, do laundry, cook, and mow. I don't think the lack of assigned chores ever hurt them.

[KrissiK]

We give specific chores. Our house has an open floor plan and I've divided it into zones. Each kid is responsible daily for a particular zone to clean up. Tied to each zone is a list of Saturday chores. So, if you are zone 1 this week, then your Saturday chores are X,Y &Z. They rotate zones on a weekly basis. They also each have their daily chores - cleaning out dishwasher, clearing table, taking out trash, etc. My kids need structure and I need structure. And I need as much of my life to be on auto-pilot as I can get. I don't want to have to think about and ask someone to clean off the table. And none of my kids will volunteer, that's for sure. It just wouldn't occur to them. They don't care if they live in squalor. I seem to be the only one who cares. So, it's just D's job to clear the supper table and take out the trash. And that's that.

[Lady Marmalade]

We don't do specific chores. I don't see the value in that, and like you there just isn't that much to do. DS is a super helper around the house and volunteers to do plenty, and he's always happy to help when I ask. The closest thing to "his" responsibility is to do his own laundry, but often I'll throw his in to complete a load of ours, or he'll put ours in to fill a load of his. He knows how to do it, so it seems silly to me to insist on being rigid.

 

It might look different for us if we were a large family but with 3 of us, we all just pitch in where it makes sense.

 

Pretty much this.  We experimented for exactly one week many years ago with assigned daily chores.  It just didn't work for us.  Part of it was that I felt the kids had so little free time to themselves, and I wanted them to have the time to just be kids, I didn't want to waste any time forcing them to do housework.  Kids only have so long to be kids, adults have 80+ years of scrubbing toilets, they're bound to get good at it along the way.

 

So my kids know how to clean, they can do any household task if they need to.  Most of the time, I am still happy to take care of it all myself and let them be.  But when those moments come along where everyone needs to pitch in, they do so happily and cheerfully and do a very good job at it.  Neither child has ever grumbled when I ask them to take a moment to put their laundry away or dust the living room.  We have an annual work day at our church and every year my kids work harder than anyone else- adult or youth.  

 

I think I just lucked out, to be honest.  They're good kids, and I'm glad I've given them the time to be kids instead of insisting they learn to be little adults early on. 

[Bluegoat]

We do a few assigned chores - the most basic are keeping their own rooms clean, and my eldest has to clean her fish and walk the dog.  I've been thinking actually that I should revisit the chores a bit as they are all capable of more now.

 

For me its mostly a matter of efficiency, and by-passing negotiation.  When they don't have jobs, everything seems to require an explanation, and they try and pawn off jobs on others.  And it's just easier for me to organize housework that way, even for myself. 

[Loowit]

We have some assigned chores and some that I just ask them to do when needed.  My DD puts dishes into the dishwasher and does any handwashing that needs to be done.  She also runs the washer and dryer for laundry.  Middle kid puts clean dishes away.  Youngest sorts laundry and moves it from the washer to the dryer, dryer to the couch for folding.  Those are their responsibility to get done when needed.  Having a set chore in our family helps us to just move through things smoother with no fighting over whose turn it is and so on.  However, things like taking out the trash, vacuuming, and such are done as an as assigned basis.  I try to spread it out evenly among the kids, and kids are expected to help out with other's assigned chores if someone is sick and can't do it.  And then there are things that I don't even see as chores like putting away dishes after meals, putting away folded laundry, etc.

 

I don't know that there is a huge benefit from assigning chores in the long run, it is just what is working for our family right now.  I didn't grow up with assigned chores, we just did whatever our parents told us to do.  In DH's family they had a chore chart that changed weekly and assigned days to do their own laundry.

[MysteryJen]

I assign chores because it eliminates complaining or comparing that someone works so much harder than everyone else. And I can see quickly who might be shirking their work. This way things stay pretty fair even if people are gone for the day. Everyone did something. Because helpful and cooperative kids don't happen every day.

 

Assigning chores was only useful to me when I had enough kids to help. When I get back to two, it is unlikely I will assign chores. We will all just work as needed.

[PrairieSong]

We had assigned chores but they rotated so that the same person wasn't stuck doing the same thing forever. I liked having them assigned because everyone knew what was expected. Now we only have one kid at home full time so chores are not assigned like they used to be. There are also fewer messes, fewer dishes, etc.

[marbel]

I like having a clear division of labor.   I find the saying "if everyone's responsible, then no one's responsible" to be largely true in my experience.   I agree with the pp who mentioned feeding the dog.  It's just easier for us if we know who is responsible for feeding the dog (me, cause I'm the first one up in the morning).

 

So we have some assigned chores, mostly based on who is most able and who is most responsible for the chore needing to be done.  My daughter is responsible for keeping the counter clean in the bathroom she shares with her brother, because she messes it up with her makeup and other products.  My son is responsible for all the yard work.  There are others.

 

Another reason this works better for us is that no on in my family is particularly great at seeing what needs to be done and doing it.  I would love not to have to assign anyone to take out the trash and recycling, but I do.  We are all capable of ignoring them till things are practically overflowing. 

[J-rap]

Besides the general chores that everyone does (clean up your toys in the living room!), we had assigned chores because they were age-related (and sometimes schedule related).  For example, our son was the oldest and he was the first one who we felt comfortable giving over the job of mowing the lawn.  The younger ones could make bread in the bread machine pretty easily, or match socks, or clean the cat littler box, but I wouldn't have felt comfortable with them mowing the lawn.  As they got older and schedules changed, they'd switch around.  Our son got pretty involved in sports about the same time that we began to feel comfortable with our daughter taking over lawn mowing on Saturdays.  So, she moved into that job and he got another.

 

It was nice for them to stick with the same chore though for awhile, because then they became good at it and that made it easier for everyone. 

 

But eventually, they all had a taste of most chores.

 

ETA:  We never had a chore-chart and weren't overly-organized about it.  It just kind of evolved and it worked.

[KungFuPanda]

Dd does her own laundry, cleans the kids' bathroom, and cleans the kitchen when I ask. She also watches DS if we need to go out. I'm happy with that. I have the rest under control and I know she'll do whatever I ask. She's 18, in college, and pretty much done as far as being raised and trained goes. I'm happy with the results. Sometimes DH talks like she should be doing more, but he has no idea what 'more' is and he doesn't do 'more' himself, so I pretty much ignore any rant that comes about because he tripped over shoes or whatever. If he wants to take on some sort of retraining responsibility, he's welcome, but I'm not open to being micromanaged, especially when you consider that dd is much more competent in the kitchen than DH.

[Guest]

I like assigned chores when they're little because they learn to do something really well. I usually went with them and spent time teaching them how to clean a sink or a toilet or whatever it was. Then I'd watch them do it and coach them through it. Then I'd check back once in a while to see that it was still done properly. Eventually, I could count on it being done properly and on time. It was no longer something I really had to think about.

 

Now all of my kids have been trained to do just about all of the chores. I still prefer assigning chores because then it's completely off my plate and I just know it's going to get done. One ds cleans the cat litter and takes out the garbage every night. I don't want to try to tag a different kid with that each day or even remember that I need to tell someone to do it. The chores the kids are assigned to become their responsibility, not mine.

Both of these reasons are why I think it is useful for kids to have their own resposibilities, at least for some period of time. Not that that becomes their chore forever, but they learn it well and the parents can tell if someone did or did not do what they are supposed to do. You don't have to keep saying, "who was supposed to feed the cat?"

[SKL]

I think the point is for them to develop responsibility and time management skills.

 

Though, nowadays that could be developed by giving them responsibility for homework, learning a musical instrument, sports responsibilities ....

 

To me, the most important thing is that my daughters know how to do all the things and act like a team member when things need to get done.

 

My kids really don't have specific chore responsibilities yet.  We are working on the following:

• Perform specific tasks when asked.  This usually involves sweeping floors, cleaning the outside, and random help with the kitchen & laundry.
• Pick up after themselves around the house (and car), without being asked.  Still very much a work in progress.
• Be responsible for the condition of their own bedrooms.  One of them is close, the other may never get there.
• Do their own laundry, clean bathroom, some light food prep / cleanup.  We dabble in these.

Other responsibilties that aren't in the chore category:  school homework and getting ready for school (they are pretty good here); music practice (usually need reminders still); sports - keep stuff organized and ready when needed, and be on time (working on this); keep their fish alive (they don't always remember to feed them let alone keep their tank clean).

 

Mom frankly doesn't have time to teach them all the things they are capable of learning.  We'll get to it.

[Tess in the Burbs]

when younger there were set chores for each kid.  One was able to do more than the other.  So it made sense.  Now, I have a list and I tend to rotate who gets what.  They can swap on their own.  But the goal is they learn how to clean house so when they move out they can clean house without calling me to ask how.  ;-)  

 

All that said, even DH and I tend to do the same chores.  He is my dish guy.  I can do.  I do them often. But if I cook, he does the dishes.  I do most of the harder chores in the house b/c dh is off working all day.  But if I ask he will do any chore I need done.  Same with the kids.  But they tend to unload dishwasher, clean 2 bathrooms, and maintain the kitchen table/floor areas.  They also clean their own rooms and hamster cage.  Even if given a specific chore they will bargain/trade to get what they want.  

 

Dd does the compost bag here.  Ds does recycling.  It's heavier.  He needs more muscle.  ;-)  

 

But anyone can do it.  And will do it if asked. But yes, we have fallen into routines and we tend to do 'our' chores first.  

[SproutMamaK]

We do set chores as well as a smattering of "just do what needs to be done" chores, but we rotate the set chores every few weeks/months. So for a few months, one kids wash and dry the laundry, one will deal with loading and unloading the dishwasher, another will tidy up the floors downstairs, etc. They get to stick with that for a while so they learn how to do it efficiently. It also had the benefit of the teaching them about the consequences of not doing them well or in timely manner. "Oh, you forgot to do it yesterday/didn't add soap/tried to put too much in and nothing got clean? Oh well, you'll have to do that again today along with the regular load you do, hope you're prepared for the extra effort!" However, there are also "as they come up" chores that everyone is expected to just... do. If you fill up the garbage can, you take it out (same for the recycling). You put away your own laundry. If the floor gets dirty, vaccuum or sweep it. We also reward them for noticing those things and doing them on their own. By giving them a small amount of change for things like that, they pay more attention and have learned to notice when things get messy, and they get to save up some extra money for a special occasion.

TL;DR version, we do a combo. ;)

[MinivanMom]

I like having specific chores. 

-It gives me the opportunity to teach them how to do that one chore really well.

-It means they can have the responsibility for the chores without me always having to tell them to go do it or nag them.

-I know at a glance who hasn't done their chore or hasn't done it well.

-It prevents me from inadvertently overburdening the older kids with chores the younger kids are capable of doing (so easy to do in a big family without realizing it).

 

We generally rotate chores in the summer when I have more time to train them. Then they have that whole school year to get good at that particular task before they move up to a new chore the following summer. I will also assign the random chores that come up, so they do get practice in that also. This week's random chore: go rake the leaves.

[kirstenhill]

I have a minimum of assigned chores for the older three kids (one each), because they are things that I want each kid to do automatically and I won't have to worry about it, Oldest unloads the dishwasher daily, DS8 takes out trash and recycling, and right now DS6's job is to twice a week clean out the place where our shoes accumulate in a huge pile and sort them back into our shoe bins. They are each good at their chores and usually remember without being asked.

 

They also know they need to help out "as requested" with cleaning and picking up/decluttering.

[Murphy101]

I think it's more for ease of household management than anything.

 

I agree there's nothing more character building about assigning vs just asking them as requested or without asking. I get frustrated constantly asking and prefer to just have an understanding of who needs to do what and get it done.

 

And some kids prefer assigned chores. They are kids who love a check list. Or just need one to keep their life in order.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Nothing specific here.  I ask for help as needed.  My main focus is getting people to pick up after themselves. 

 

 

[Tsuga]

If I have to assign them as we go along, then I have to battle about each one every single time.

 

If they are assigned chores that are theirs as part of a system, we only have to argue about the system every so often.

 

That's the argument for assigned chores.

 

In reality, though, no matter what happens we will have an argument about it so whatever. 

[Suzanne in ABQ]

From the time I was 9yo on, my "job" was to load and empty the dishwasher.  My brothers took care of the pots and pans.  

 

All that did for me is cause me to loathe loading and emptying the dishwasher.  I hate it.  Now, I have everyone load the dishes they use, and we sorta take turns doing the pots and pans.  I end up doing them most of the time, but I don't mind.  Dh empties the dishwasher every morning.  Bless him.  

 

So, no, I don't see the value in assigning chores.  Exception is the litter box.  Cat is ds's cat.  Ds does the litter box.  Cat is 11yo now, and ds is sick of emptying the litter box, but he'll be leaving for college next year.  I'm not sure who will get cat duty then.  10yodd doesn't want to do it "It's not MY cat."  I think I may have just stumbled on another problem with assigning chores.  Who does them when the assigned responsible person is no longer available?  Hmmm.

 

 

[Farrar]

I think it's more important that kids be willing to pitch in when needed. If I had to choose between the two approaches, I'd pick that in a heartbeat.

 

That said, we have given the kids a few chores that are "theirs" because that fosters a sense of responsibility and ownership which is good. When I'm the one saying, hey, do this, then they never have to think about whether something needs to be done and learning that is a chore in and of itself.

 

Right now my boys take out the recycling, do their own laundry, and empty the dishwasher. And, like I said, just chip in as needed.

[Guest]

Individual and age specific chores reduce my stress in child training by predictability and allow each kid to gain competency in specific tasks. We rotate and a number of things in the house are done daily as needed, but more formal chores work great to complement that.

[mamajag]

We have a mix here. Each kid has something they are responsible for. DS6 keeps the laundry done, DD9 folds and puts away, and DD11 manages dishes. On top of that they have to maintain their rooms and change their bedding weekly on their assigned day. This day the robot vacuum visits their room and one other time a week. DDs each take a feeding for the dog. This is done for ease of knowing who didn't do their chore and also it creates a routine. Each child will happily help out with whatever I need. A few times a week I'll put a "joint effort" on the board. This will be something like a deep clean of the dining room after a crafting project. Everyone puts something toward that.

 

It works for us. I've been sick for about a week and my house is chaotic but not trashed because everyone just kept doing their basic assigned job.

[mamajag]

I can't edit on my phone, but all of them will help out with anything else I ask. These are just the basics for our family. Oh, and DS6 loads the garbage and recycling in the car to go to the dumpster and puts the trash in the dumpster while I put away the recycling. It works for us. I think everyone has to do what works for their families and DC.

[mamiof5]

We didn't establish a "specific chores" system til this year, and it has been great. Kids know what they need to get done, and when it's not done (like forgetting to feed the dog, pick up the poop etc) we know who dropped the ball. They help with a lot, dog care, their rooms, setting table/picking up after dinner), dusting, cleaning dinning room, cleaning guest bathroom and their bathroom etc. They are 7, 9 and 11.

[IndigoGlitter]

I assign chores. If I didn't they would, literally, do nothing.

 

I think chores being done are just dependent on the child. Some kids will just do them, some need to be told.

 

If your kids do chores without being told then keep that going! Don't mess with it by forcing chores on them! :)

[Joyofsixreboot]

I work on the " who ever I see" method. My kids do what I ask or what they see. I never saw how a chart or something simplified my life.

[nd293]

No assigned chores: we're all in this together and we help out when we're needed. Sometimes I have extra time and do some of the chores I usually ask them to do. Other times I need help and they do chores which I consider my responsibility like cooking or ironing.

[umsami]

My one complaint about assigning chores is to make it fair.  Growing up, I was expected to do the dishes every night.  My brother was expected to take out the trash once per week.  There's a lot more work involved with washing the dishes every night vs. dragging a trash can down the driveway once per week.

 

So, if you're going to assign chores, I would rotate after a month or two. 

[ScoutTN]

My one complaint about assigning chores is to make it fair. Growing up, I was expected to do the dishes every night. My brother was expected to take out the trash once per week. There's a lot more work involved with washing the dishes every night vs. dragging a trash can down the driveway once per week.

 

So, if you're going to assign chores, I would rotate after a month or two.

Yes, I agree.

I have two kids close in age and size. I have two lists and they switch monthly. I worked hard to make the lists balanced and the kids had input on that. Still in the teaching stage here, so only a few chores are really off my plate completely, but we are slowly making progress.

 

We usually clean as a family on Saturday and both then and throughout the week, kids do just help with whatever needs to be done. Dd is more careful and diligent than Ds but slooow. Ds likes to do cleaning that involves tools. Little boys like weapons and a vacuum or a spray bottle will do just fine! ;)

[Bambam]

I look at this from a slightly different perspective possibly.

 

I am the manager in the house. I'll assign chores just like I did when I was a project manager. This is your responsibility, and I expect you to do it. Let me know what tools and resources you need to get it complete. Here is your time table. Let me know as soon as possible if you can't make it. Then submit weekly or monthly reports to me so I know their status. That way I don't have to worry about their duties but can go on and do mine.

 

So, if I assign chores (and I do), I don't have to think about those chores anymore. If I didn't assign chores, I'd have to notice it needs to be done, and call a specific name and ask them to help. It, to me, would seem like I am regularly interfering with their assigned school, outside commitments, free time, etc. But since they have assigned chores, they can determine the best time in their day/week to get them done and not have to stop what they are doing to do what I want them to do. Time management skills are in development here.

 

My kids are older (14 and 17). This works for us. Do I ever have to remind one that Chore A needs to be done now (i.e. putting away the laundry)? Yes. Do I still ask them to do things that are not on their specific chore list? Yes. Because things come up and need to be done (e.g. the dryer stopped working, so let's work together to find places to hand these wet clothes so they can dry). 

 

I don't have the kids submit weekly or monthly reports though. I do expect you to let me know when we are running low on laundry detergent, toilet bowl cleaner, etc. 

 

We rotate assigned chores every six months.

 

Here routine is a good thing. 

 

I also view learning how to do a chores correctly and thoroughly, and doing it semi-regularly as preparing them for the future. When they leave home, it will be stressful for them. Any move is. So, I want to make sure they know what and how to keep a house reasonably clean and be comfortable with that so that particular aspect of living independently won't be a stressor for them. 

[dirty ethel rackham]

My kids are older so we don't need assigned chores anymore.  But when my kids were younger, we did.  My older kids were pretty blind to the "things that need to be done" so I needed to make sure that they were accountable for certain things.  Dd is actually very good about seeing stuff that needs to be done and just doing it.  Plus, I do better with structure.  I did a chore chart of things I wanted done each day/week and laminated it.  Some things were assigned based upon age/capability.  Some things were assigned based upon their daily schedules.  One kid was very slow to wake up so assigning a chore to that kid that would hold up other chores didn't make sense.  Other things were rotated. 

[Murphy101]

I assign chores about once every 6-10 months or so.

 

My general guidelines for it are:

 

Have the youngest child capable do it. Yes, it's easier for the older ones and they probably do a better job, but it's not fair to always have them do it and the younger ones will eventually get better with practice.

 

No more than 3 chores each.

Something daily

Something not daily

Only one major chore. (Major either bc of time it takes or difficulty.)

 

I start by putting all the chores on the board in order of frequency and notes of difficult ones and they can volunteer. After that it's somewhat generally agreed upon. There's always grumbling about something for some reason. But not most of it.

 

Then I show them exactly how the chore is expected to be done and check how they did it every once in a while for a couple weeks. Sometimes adjustments are made to the assignments during that time.

 

It works for us. But I don't think the assigning aspect is the key to character development of work ethic or family pitching in.

[AimeeM]

My one complaint about assigning chores is to make it fair.  Growing up, I was expected to do the dishes every night.  My brother was expected to take out the trash once per week.  There's a lot more work involved with washing the dishes every night vs. dragging a trash can down the driveway once per week.

 

So, if you're going to assign chores, I would rotate after a month or two. 

There's no way mine would be able to balanced, but our oldest understands that. We have too large an age gap - our 14 year old is capable of much more than her 6 and 3 year old brothers (especially considering the 6 year old is the size of a 3 year old, so no unloading dishwashers for him).

[Haiku]

I assign my kids specific chores because then I don't have to think about whether those things are getting done. I know the kids are doing them. It's that many fewer things that I have to manage in a day.

 

My kids are 12 and 13. The do their own laundry, clean their own rooms, scoop the dog poop in the yard, mow the lawn, clean the cat boxes and bunny pens, load and unload the dishwasher, make dinner two nights a week (each), clean up from dinner every night of the week, take out the trash and recycling, and vacuum/sweep the downstairs. They also help out with whatever random chores I ask them to help with.

 

That's a whole bunch of stuff I can strike of my daily "think about" list.

[Desert Strawberry]

We do it both ways. They have signed chores so that everyone knows their own responsibilities. I can just say, "it's chore time" and I don't have to parcel it each individual task.

However, if something needs to be done throughout the day, I will just hand it to whatever kid is handy. Sagg volunteers for tasks that he knows need to be done. Gem will do tasks of his own volition. Aries and Taurus are less helpful.

[Haiku]

So, no, I don't see the value in assigning chores.  Exception is the litter box.  Cat is ds's cat.  Ds does the litter box.  Cat is 11yo now, and ds is sick of emptying the litter box, but he'll be leaving for college next year.  I'm not sure who will get cat duty then.  10yodd doesn't want to do it "It's not MY cat."  I think I may have just stumbled on another problem with assigning chores.  Who does them when the assigned responsible person is no longer available?  Hmmm.

 

IMO, if you allowed your child to get a pet, you are ultimately responsible for that pet. The pet doesn't care who meets its needs, it just needs them met.

 

That said, it was my dd's job to work out who would care for her cat when she left for college. She negotiated with her sister to scoop the cat's box and feed it, and in return she helps her sister clean her room when she's home from school.

 

Had my other dd not been willing to scoop the cat box and feed it, I would have done it if dd had asked me to because I was the one who allowed my dd to get a cat when she was 12. Cats live a long time.

[EmilyGF]

We have both - specific assigned ones on a spreadsheet each child checks off and general "we are a family so we all help out chores."

Why? Because in life people end up with specific responsibilities, whether at home or at work. It is good to learn to take pride in your work and it is important to know that there are things you are counted on for. Yet, there will always be things that need "someone" to help with. My kids are expected to pitch in as necessary for those.

 

Currently:

 

ds 10 - empty dishwasher, take laundry up and down stairs (three floors!) as needed, sweep front patio and rake yard, make lunch two days per week

 

dd 9 - take out all garbage, make lunch two days per week, wipe table after meals, sweep under table daily, bring in garbage from car

 

dd 7 - empty silverware, clear table, make lunch once a week, wipe cabinet fronts and appliance fronts as needed

 

So if it is 5 pm and ds10 hasn't emptied the dishwasher, he knows it is his job to both empty it and reload it.

 

Emily