Jump to content

Menu

Do you/ will you miss the baby/ toddler years?


pinkmint
 Share

Recommended Posts

The original thing I thought to post about was how to accomplish school time with a toddler around. But I realized it's part of a bigger pondering... 

 

Those of us in the baby/ toddler and even small children years are always hearing that we should cherish it and that it goes by so fast. I understand this sentiment. I think I've taken it to heart to cherish it. The chubby sweet faces, the innocence and purity and wonder. Beyond the cuteness, the responsibility of parenting is sobering, and I take it very seriously. 

 

At the same time I find myself really looking forward to being out of this stage and sometimes it is just not possible to cherish it. The poop, sleep deprivation, the inability to do things for themselves, the toddler destruction/ hysterics/ clinginess, the fact that it takes 2 hours to prepare for a small outing, and 20 minutes to get out of the car, the high pitched pretend-play voices that work your last nerve, The fact that you give and give and give and give, the fact that you're always on duty... but then I pause and wonder if I'm not appreciating it enough. 

 

I've heard that older kids are just hard in different ways. I'm hoping that there's something to enjoy about older kids though. 

 

For those that are out of those years, what has your experience been? Do you miss the baby/ toddler years? What about moms who are in it? What do you think?

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

There are a lot of things that I liked about those years, but since they also came with lots of things that I would never care to relive, I just have some fond memories and no intention of ever returning to them.

I hated it when people told me to enjoy having little children and I don't think I missed out on anything by not enjoying every second of it.

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm in it with a 7 month old, 2.5 year old, 5 year old, and 6.5 year old. I cherish it very much and have lots of fun with all my kids but at the same time I can't wait to be done. It takes a lot of patience and it is hard to maintain that all the time. It's the 2 to 4 age that is tough for me. The meltdown one moment then happy the next that I wont miss. But I know I'll miss the silly dancing and observing their fascination with the world

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was like you--trying to really cherish and embrace that season of my life.  I ADORE babies and am very much a 'baby person', but am not a toddler person (I think they are absolutely crazy....but adorable, so I could make it through. ;))  In some ways I definitely miss having a baby in the house.  But I don't miss the exhaustion. 

 

Older children are definitely hard in different ways, but I have to say I really love their independence and the fact that they can verbalize their needs (hallelujah!). And I sleep 8-9 straight hours per night, which feels like a miracle b/c my children are terrible baby-toddler sleepers!  I am not out of the 'meltdown' phase, but we deal with fewer meltdowns.  I can tell people to get ready to leave and they can potty, put their shoes on and meet me at the door.  Amazing. 

 

In my opinion the best way to live with parenting is just to embrace the season, but definitely look forward to future seasons as well.  Don't feel guilt about acknowledging how hard things are now.  I kind of miss the innocence of the little years, when we weren't dealing with some of the personality traits that can make a child really tough to handle.  But I definitely don't look back and wish I were still there!!!!  I always tell my children that the perfect age for them is the age they are right now and I try to remember that myself. :)  

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I miss it because I remember the lovely parts, lol. But, we stopped at 2 kids on purpose. I love babies and toddlers and preschoolers...but I don't want another one. If my rose coloured glasses get too comfortable, I just spend some time with my siblings, they are all in the thick of those years...and very jealous of me, lol.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nope. 

 

I accepted years ago that I don't like babies and toddlers. I LOVE children (and I do love infants). But I really dislike babies and toddlers. Don't get me wrong, I have some beautiful memories, they are sweet and cute little things, they have their moments and I cherish those. But, my eldest gives me sanity right now, and hope for the future lol. I can't wait to have big kids. I'm a talker, talking builds love and relationships for me. I can't talk to a 2 year old. 

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I tried to cherish it while i was in it, but yes, it was also exhausting.  I'm looking forward to being a grandmother someday, where I can enjoy all the good parts without all the mess and sleep deprivation.  I sure hope my kids don't move all the way across the country or out of it...

 

I think my favorite stage is 5-10, though...

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The mess is another thing that is hard on me. I am a tidy person but my home often looks like a bomb went off in it, and I just can't keep up with it. While I was reading the replies here my 1 year old climbed onto the kitchen table and pulled the entire contents of a newly opened tissue box out with one grab. I can dream of better things to do with my time than stuff tissues back into a box (just one of a million examples. I guess I'm feeling frustrated right now). 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

What I miss is having someone to fuss over and take care of in the way you can do with a little one. My big kids are probably very 'babied' by me because I enjoy doing that sort of thing. I like to bake special things for my kids and get them little gifts or when ds1 is up late doing homework I will bring him tea and a muffin etc. I still check to make sure they are covered up and warm at night. They are my chicks and I like to cluck over them. My kids are always very appreciative of it and will absolutely return the favour, so I don't think it is doing them any harm.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a 24, an 11, and a 4 year old. I'm grateful to be coming to the end of the toddler years (I don't actually think of little one as a toddler anymore, but she's still preschool age). You don't have to cherish Every. Single. Moment. Some of it, if I'm honest, is drudgery. I love kids though! And it's worth it.

 

If I could skip any age and FF through it, it'd be the worst of the teen years. 20s are awesome. So when you get to those rough years, keep your eye on the 20s. :) Let some stuff slide. Winning every battle isn't worth coming out of the war with a kid who doesn't want to talk to you. Oops. Little tangent there.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

No way.

 

*Loved* my sweet baby. Oh, those little cheeks! The eyelashes! But the boy did.not.sleep. He was potty-trained before he slept through the night regularly. And the irrational, violent toddler drama? No thank you.

 

I really do appreciate that he can now

  • communicate in plain English,
  • go to sleep unassisted,
  • use a toilet,
  • refrain from wailing when the car stops at a red light,
  • make it through the day with only one set of clothes (okay, two for mud-puddle days),
  • pour his own drink of water,
  • play outside in an unfenced yard,
  • eat the same foods I eat,
  • reach the light switch,
  • bring his laundry to and from the machine,

and all the other Big Kid things!

 

 

  • Like 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A few kids ago I would have said I couldn't wait for them to grow older. But each baby I enjoy a bit more. Now I'm having a hard time letting go of the small people and wanting more.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I typically don't enjoy the toddler years and not sure about the baby phase either -- typically never one to want a baby as opposed to wanting more children. But as I hold my 12 day old baby, I almost want to cry when I think how fast he is already growing.

 

But I am sure I will be happy to get past the toddler phase when we get there because I really enjoy kids about age 3 and up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I do not miss them. I look back fondly on the nice aspects of that stage, and less fondly on the not-so-nice ones like sleep deprivation, diapers, crying and constant vigilance required.

I enjoyed each stage with my kids, each season, and once they were teens I understood what the experienced mothers wanted to tell me when they said to cherish the early years - back then, I thought they were nuts.

 

I enjoyed my little ones, and now I am enjoying my young adults.

  • Like 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm very much a baby/toddler person. Our youngest is driving so those years are far behind. We had a long time with babies and/or preschoolers in the house, so it took me a few years to adjust to only having older kids. I don't miss the lack of sleep or the diaper bombs, lol, but I did love being a mom of littles. I missed it at first. Now I love having deep discussions with my teenaged son and young adult kids. I try to embrace whatever stage we're in and look forward to grandma-hood. :-)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Eh, it was sweet at the time.  And it's true, every age *does* have its specific joys and wonders -- there are aspects to cherish at every age.

 

But the older my kids get -- they're now 12, 16, 20 -- the more I feel like we relate to each other as actual individuals, not as caricatures of respective roles.  And we are able to do things together that I actually enjoy -- hiking, talking about politics and literature, going to museums and plays, eating funky food... whereas I endured those dress up / lego / play on the floor hours.  And Chutes and Ladders? Shoot.me.in.the.head.  (I did love the snuggly reading.  Ahhhhh....)

 

My brother (age 47) and his younger wife recently had a newborn.  Lovely to hold, so relieved to hand her back!

  • Like 16
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I haven't read any of the other replies yet, but . . . .

 

No!  I don't miss the baby/toddler years at all.

 

I enjoyed my kids and parenting them through all their stages.  But babies and toddlers are exhausting.  The teenage years have been my favorite time by far.  I like that my kids are (for the most part) fully functioning people now.  People that I can have deep, interesting conversations with.  People who don't require my undivided attention all the time.  People who don't interrupt my sleep. ;)

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

No. I enjoyed those years fully (really) but don't miss them at all and in all honesty I would never want to experience it again.

 

Like Sadie, I am not a nostalgic person in general. I have completely loved each and every age and stage, but completely look forward to the next. Thinking about DS leaving home for university, however, already makes me choke up.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I mean, I still like them, but I don't get burning, aching phantom let-downs when I hear one cry either.

 

I can't relate to the "aching in my womb" type of desperation for a baby. I mean no offense to those who experience it. I wonder if it will hit me at some point but I just don't see it happening. My sentimentalness about babies is there, but 5 minutes later I'm over it. I've talked to older ladies who are almost bitter about having only older children. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I adore babies and toddlers. Heck, I even enjoy pregnancy. I'm expecting what will be our last right now (knock on wood) and it's so bittersweet. I love it, and I'm so sad that this is the last time I'll feel a baby kick. I will be a mess when it comes to nursing, weaning, sleeping through the night, etc. I have a 1 year old who's not sleeping through the night yet so it's not as though I've forgotten how tiring this stage is, lol. I just truly love, and I'll grieve for it once it's passed.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

What I miss is having someone to fuss over and take care of in the way you can do with a little one. My big kids are probably very 'babied' by me because I enjoy doing that sort of thing. I like to bake special things for my kids and get them little gifts or when ds1 is up late doing homework I will bring him tea and a muffin etc. I still check to make sure they are covered up and warm at night. They are my chicks and I like to cluck over them. My kids are always very appreciative of it and will absolutely return the favour, so I don't think it is doing them any harm.

Oh, I love this! Will you adopt me?!! :)  

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can't relate to the "aching in my womb" type of desperation for a baby. I mean no offense to those who experience it. I wonder if it will hit me at some point but I just don't see it happening. My sentimentalness about babies is there, but 5 minutes later I'm over it. I've talked to older ladies who are almost bitter about having only older children.

Yeah, I've never felt it either. DS was very much planned, the timing due to age and so on rather than baby fever. I've certainly never wanted another and feel zero interest in babies in general now that mine isn't one. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No.

 

I do think babies are cuter now than I did when I had them, probably because my kids are less cute by comparison, lol!

 

I am not a baby person. In spite of the fact that I had it incredibly easy, with easy pregnancies, births, breastfeeding, and so on, and my kids were healthy, I found it pretty boring. I hated that nothing could happen for more than 1 hour at a time without a diaper change, a feeding, whatever. Sleep deprivation literally took years off my life, and I even got heart palpitations. I knew I was supposed to talk to the baby but I couldn't think of what to talk about. I tried my best but it didn't come naturally. I just wanted to read.

 

I think the only "what if" in my mind is wondering what a baby my current partner and I would make. I'm divorced, and my honey and I do not have children together. He is very cute and sweet and I do wonder. But we're both getting older (pushing 40) so the risk of having a child with serious health issues is skyrocketing by the minute. Plus, he's had a vasectomy. Also, we did one of those "if they mated" apps and our hypothetical children were so ugly it was terrifying, LOL!

 

My children are still small, but by the time they are teens, I will be nearly 50. I hope I can wait a bit for grandchildren.

 

I do wonder if the 40+ longing to hold a baby is more a grand maternal urge in many women, than it is a maternal urge (if you have already had a few yourself, that is). Biologically, without birth control, most women would be grandparents by 45, even if they delayed marriage and babies until several years after the onset of menstruation. I know many women who were grandparents before 40!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hell no.

I'm with Rosie.

 

I haven't slept in more than 3 years. I want to pee alone. I want to shower without worrying. I don't want to tell people not to play in the toilet. Or put things in the toilet that shouldn't be there (today, a Kindle). Or...

 

I do love sweet, milky-breath babies, asleep on my lap. But after four, I. Am. Done.

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not really.  I miss the idea of them.  The reality was one of the hardest things I've ever done.  My oldest was 3 when the twins were born, and I spent most of their younger years doing it all mostly alone.  Tough.

 
I used to think I'd like to do it all again...have another baby.  Now, I'm thinking that grandkids that can go home at the end of the visit will be really, really nice.

 

I love my teens.  It is hard too, but in a different way.  I like the people they've become and they are generally a pleasure to parent.

 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I miss DD's baby & toddler years. She was unbelievably cute and sweet and funny and the easiest baby/toddler in history. If I could put her on an "aging loop" where she'd go from 6 months to 3 years and then start over at 6 months, I would happily do that for the rest of my life!

 

But DS? OMG no. He was The Velcro Baby from Hell, he had colic for what seemed like a decade, he never slept, and his sensory issues led to the most epic tantrums. Now, if I could keep him cycling between about 9 and 11, I would happily do that. That was my favorite age for him: he was still smaller than me, still had his cherubic baby face, and was so serious and interested in everything. But I would not revisit his baby and toddlerhood for all the money in the world!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh my word, YES! I LOVE the baby/toddler stage. LOVE! Of course I will enjoy when I get to sleep through the night regularly and even more when they can fix their own food, but I find elementary age kids to be MUCH harder than babies/toddlers. So much harder. I think what it comes down to for me is that with babies and young toddlers, all you have to do is love them. You don't have to set limits (or at least they are easy to set, putting a baby gate across the stairs as opposed to telling an older kid they can't have any more screen time) or discipline them. You don't have power struggles. They do not argue with you. Their needs are so easy to meet. If I go to the store, it's 1000x easier to take my 1 yo than my 8 yo. My 8 year old will whine and gripe about everything from wanting Pokemon cards to why we have to be at the store at all to how hungry he is and how much his legs hurt and a million other things. My 1 yo will sit in the cart, point at things he finds interesting, and wave to everyone he sees. It's just so simple and easy. Diapers don't really bother me. And I would rather pick up a bunch of baby toys than have to force an older kid to pick up his own stuff. My 8 yo was easy when he was 1.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I love the first year. I miss it terribly and get horrible baby fever all the time. 

 

Toddlers though, they are exhausting. Especially DS2 (22 months), he is my extraordinary climber who scaled a window today by jamming his feet on the 1/2 edge of the pane. His room is a bed and that's it, because nothing is safe. He may lose the bed soon as he keeps pulling his mattress off of it. Exhausting. 

 

I really love the 3-5 age range. Cuddles, with some independence, but still so baby-like. I'm horribly nostalgic already as DS1 grows into a school-aged kid.

 

So, I will miss 0-1, and 3-5, but not 1-3 at all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find that I appreciate my babies and toddlers more as I have more children.  I actually like toddlers more than babies.  They are so interesting, and full of imagination and exuberance.  My two-year-old will be our last, so we really cherish all of his mischievous little ways.  Having older children makes it easy for me to see that he will not be difficult and defiant forever.  I think the panic that what I now know is normal 2-year-old behavior was the beginning of some deviant horrible personality trait took some of the joy out of parenting our first two children when they were toddlers.

 

I am happy to be almost done with that phase, though, and am really enjoying my school-aged children.  

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 children later....I LOVE babies and toddlers.  My youngest is 4 and I still like to cuddle him and hear him say the cutest things.  I cried when I put his infant clothes away realizing he is probably my last little bunchkin. I cried when I potty trained him and put all my cloth diapers away.  I hated when he turned 3 and then 4....sniff, sniff.

 

I did that with most of my children!!!

 

I'm soooooo glad I have a little grandson to cuddle and love on.   :)

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I do not miss them. I look back fondly on the nice aspects of that stage, and less fondly on the not-so-nice ones like sleep deprivation, diapers, crying and constant vigilance required.

I enjoyed each stage with my kids, each season, and once they were teens I understood what the experienced mothers wanted to tell me when they said to cherish the early years - back then, I thought they were nuts.

 

I enjoyed my little ones, and now I am enjoying my young adults.

 

This. Very much this. 

 

I loved my babies and toddlers. I particularly loved the cuddling and adoration I received. I had fun playing with my kids and watching their independence grow through childhood. I feared the teen years a bit. I've never liked teen-agers, not even when I was one. But my teens are fabulous people that I love and enjoy. Watching them spread their wings and fly has been just another joy. Now as ds is away at college, I am enjoying establishing a new relationship as he chooses to continue the relationship instead of being in relationship just because we are forced to live together.

 

There was not a time I didn't enjoy my children. The toddler stage was probably the hardest due to the combination of their needs and my sleep deprivation, but there were so many good things about each stage. I was always afraid the next stage wouldn't be as good. That never happened.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know I'll miss it, but I AM ready for my youngest to get older. I'm literally grieving about not having any more babies, but at the same time, I'm so relieved. lol Talk about two sides to every coin. But I'm loving the pre-teen years and I have so much fun with my older kids that I can't with the youngers

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nope. Not even a little. My baby is 5yo and that's about as young as I'm interested in being responsible for full time. I think other people's babies are cute and I'm glad to visit and babysit on occasion, but I'm really glad that they go home to their parents.

 

I feel the same way about puppies. Cute in the abstract, from a distance sense, but I've done my turn and I'm done. :)

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

There was not a time I didn't enjoy my children. The toddler stage was probably the hardest due to the combination of their needs and my sleep deprivation, but there were so many good things about each stage. I was always afraid the next stage wouldn't be as good. That never happened.

 

Yes, exactly this.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think what it comes down to for me is that with babies and young toddlers, all you have to do is love them. You don't have to set limits (or at least they are easy to set, putting a baby gate across the stairs as opposed to telling an older kid they can't have any more screen time) or discipline them. You don't have power struggles. They do not argue with you. Their needs are so easy to meet. 

 

I am glad you enjoyed your babies and had such a good experience.

 

I have heard that babies like this exist; I haven't had one. The closest I got was one that was like this for 3 weeks, but then he developed roaring reflux for 18 months. 

 

There is not one thing in your statement that was true about my older one when he was a baby--okay, maybe I didn't have to discipline him, but I did have to respond to all of the havoc in ways that were just as frustrating. He could argue without words. I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't living it at the time, lol!

 

OP, don't feel bad if you are longing for a reprieve. I once met a woman whose favorite stage was the adult stage. She really just like her little people all grown up the best. I think I might be like that, though I do find things to enjoy about each stage.

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...