Elisabet1 Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Here is the problem. Having a boy. Our son that died many years ago was named Andrew. So our last child, we named after Andrew...putting Andrew in the middle. Problem is...we cannot come up with a name we love for the new baby. But we both agree we still love the name Andrew. We had not planned more babies, this is our big surprise baby. I am not at all concerned about using the name that our child who died had. That makes it a name sake or honoring. All my children are in some way, named after someone who we loved. The problem is that we already put that name in the middle of one of the older kids. What do you think? Should we just use it? Or we already burned that bridge when we put it as a middle name with our 5 yr old? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I wouldn't give two of my kids the same name, but one of the perks of having children is making all the naming decisions yourself. Do what you REALLY want to do and ignore and criticism or negative commentary. What would you name this child if you weren't concerned about what other people thought or said? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckles Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 This is just my opinion, but your other child has the name. I would choose a new name for this new little boy. Congratulations on the new baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I think you have already honored that son by using the middle name with your ds5 and that you should not use it with this new baby. It gets to a point of being creepy, like you are trying to make a replacement and the child may have some resentment about that and about perceived expectations to be the son you lost rather than his own person. And while I doubt that is actually the case with you and you just like the name it is something to consider. That ship has sailed, come up with a new name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 When my mother was pregnant with my brother (we're 9 years apart), they were considering names for the baby, not knowing the gender. They wanted to use my name as the new baby's middle name and it upset me. I remember thinking, "I'M Michelle. Not that baby!" My second thought was, "You people really can't think of a different name?" So, whether or not you use Andrew is up to you, but I'd seriously speak to your other child about it first. You don't want him to think that he's not special to you and the only son you really loved was the first Andrew. I know YOU don't feel that way, but he might think you do. And, I'm sorry for the loss of your first son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I wouldn't use the same name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 I think you have already honored that son by using the middle name with your ds5 and that you should not use it with this new baby. It gets to a point of being creepy, like you are trying to make a replacement and the child may have some resentment about that and about perceived expectations to be the son you lost rather than his own person. And while I doubt that is actually the case with you and you just like the name it is something to consider. That ship has sailed, come up with a new name. We are just at a loss. Thought about names with that are also classic like Benjamin. But nothing feels right. We also have already used..between middle and first names, Christopher, Alexander, Ryan, Michael, Matthew, and my cousin recently had a William and my other cousin a Nicholas. Our other names are more contemporary. But the contemporary names no longer feel right for this baby..like Liam. Maybe we will name the baby Noname...with a French accent No Nahm EE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 You get to do whatever you want, of course, but if you want opinions, no I wouldn't use the name, not because it's another kid's middle name but because it's the name of the son you lost. Although he is no longer with you, IMO it would be weird to have two children in the same family with the same first name. There are many other traditional names to choose from. (I have four boys with traditional names, so I'm no stranger to the difficulty in choosing. We waited until the last possible moment when we were turning in our paperwork upon discharge after delivery with the last one.) Patrick Joseph Thomas Daniel Luke Robert Timothy David etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 You can definitely re-use a name a COUSIN used--that's pretty distant. We have a ton of Williams in our family--we all love the name and want to honor loved ones of that name. So my dad (his dad, his grandfather), my brother, that brother's oldest son, and my sister's son are all named William. One goes by Bill, two by Will, and one by his middle name. It works just fine. I never had a boy--each of my girls would have been Matthew. I also loved Henry (now have a cat named Henry) and Charles (also a family name). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lispy Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I know someone who has four boys and all four have the same middle name. I always thought it was a bit odd, but to each his own! Some of my kids have names others find unusual, but it's what we liked;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 My husband's mother and her twin sister have the same first name. They mostly just used their middle names. My brother also has two brothers named Jesse so it's a family tradition to reuse first names. I think it would be fine to reuse the name if you want. Just use a different middle nam for the new baby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I would not use the other child's middle name. If you like a name a cousin has used I would not personally hesitate to use it. Several of my kids share names with cousins. Similar classic names: Nathaniel, Jacob, James, Thomas, Samuel, Robert, Daniel, John, Jonathan, David, Joseph, Jason, Justin, Mark, Charles, Nathan, Paul... There are lots of great, classic names for boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I know a family with both an Andrew and a Drew. Would Drew be a good option? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zimom Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 We have a family name that is used as the middle name for almost all the boys. Although it is a last name, with a differerent spelling it is used often enough as a first name for boys. So it is my father's middle name, both my brothers' middle names, and two nephews. My youngest brother was even called by the name even though it was his middle name. I rebelled and did not use the name for my son. So in my opinion, in my family, there is no reason not to continue to use the name as a middle name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Daniel David Philip Joseph I would not use your son's middle name as the name for the new baby, but like others have said, it's not my child or my decision. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftymama Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 What was Andrew's middle name? Is that an option? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I would not use it, for many of the reasons stated above. I am thinking of your other children and how they might feel down the road. There are a gazillion other names. Keep searching til you find another you like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Benjamin is one of my favorite names. I never used it because my dh had a bad association with the name. I also love Joseph, Henry, Zachary, William, & Samuel. You can never go wrong, IMO, with Ben, Zack, or Sam. Love the name Andrew, but I would be cautious about using it for your new baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I think you have already honored that son by using the middle name with your ds5 and that you should not use it with this new baby. It gets to a point of being creepy, like you are trying to make a replacement and the child may have some resentment about that and about perceived expectations to be the son you lost rather than his own person. And while I doubt that is actually the case with you and you just like the name it is something to consider. That ship has sailed, come up with a new name. I have to agree with this. There is a local family we know well who lost a son in a car accident and they named the next boy the same name. That boy was always reminded that he was named after the dead boy -- not by his parents necessarily, but by anyone who knew him and well... just the simple fact of knowing that is what he was named for in the first place. I always felt sorry for him. I don't think the parents intended it to be such, but that's a an awfully heavy load for a kid to bear. It's really quite unfair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 You can never go wrong, IMO, with Ben, Zack, or Sam. Love the name Andrew, but I would be cautious about using it for your new baby. I have an Andrew. Of those three names above, two are two of his three brothers, and one is DH. :) I would not use Andrew for this baby since you honored the brother who has passed away by using Andrew for another child's middle name. I wouldn't use that child's middle name for another child's first name. I love the names Hannah and Anna, as well as Joanna and Susannah, but we used Anne for DD's middle name (after my grandmother), and I would not use anything so similar for another child's name. I wouldn't mind reusing a family name, but not any of any sibling's name. Our first two children, first and middle, were so easy to name! Our third was so hard. Nothing seemed right for him. We didn't have a girl name or a boy name. We considered a couple of names strongly and rejected them for him (and now I know that that was because they were being saved for the next two little brothers -- God knew, if we didn't). The name that finally came to us wasn't even on our lists at all. It took five days, and then a sixth for the middle. But it's his name. The second we settled on it, it became obvious that he'd always been a Ben. Nothing else would have ever been right. You'll find the name. (Number four was easy. We had that at like twenty weeks. No girl name, though. Number five was pretty easy; we had a couple in mind, but it was a clear choice. Took us a couple of days to decide on the middle name.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Since nothing seems right, you may want to experiment with not choosing a name before you meet the baby. Spend a few days with him and see what seems right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I have been doing family tree stuff at Ancestry.com....and in the past it was not uncommon for the name of a dead older sibling to be gifted (that is how I see it) to a new baby. It honors the child who has passed on. And if anyone asks "Doesn't it remind you all the time of the child who died" - what are they thinking? You remember that child every hour! If the first boy was nick-named Andy, this one might be Drew, and vice versa, too. Sorry for the loss of your son - and congratulations on the new child! Off track, sorta - one of my husband's brothers married a woman named Mary. Her two sisters were also named Mary. At least they had different middle names, which they used in daily life, although to the parents they were always Mary Martha, Mary Eunice, Mary Junebug (ok, I only know my sil's middle name.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 TO offer name choices. I have a cousin named Andrew but has never used that name, he has always been and will always be Andy. I have cousins named Adam and Benjamin (though he just goes by Ben). Brother Ryan. My oldest son has a family name as a first name - Austin, My great grandfather and grandfather had it as a first name, my father and brother had it as a middle name. Then his middle name is shared 4 generations back on his father's side - John Patrick. On their own all 3 names are great traditional names. My other boy, has Andrew as a middle name, named for a dear friend back then. First name Hunter.I have a friend that uses traditional names for her kids, So her 2 boys are Charles and Oliver, but they call them Charlie and Ollie at this point so that they are more contemporary for them as kids. If I was to ever have another son I would call him Hayden James. There are so many names out there, and honestly even if you came up with a name today you may take one look at that son and realize he is meant to have a different name anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 If I did it, I'd name this one something like Andrew James, but call him AJ. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 My Dh's brothers are named Richard Michael and Michael Christopher. All three of Michael's sons have the middle name Michael. I think it's ok if it is something you feel strongly about and is a name that you love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 IMO, you burned that bridge. It could, in the future, make the son with the middle name Andrew feel second-best to the younger brother who got to revive the name Andrew in a bigger way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 I think my top names, neither which feel right at all, are Benjamin or Liam. The middle name dh really wants starts with an M so for Benjamin, his initials will be BM. Neither feels that right. Maybe if I just attach one to a baby, it will grow to feel right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 We are just at a loss. Thought about names with that are also classic like Benjamin. But nothing feels right. We also have already used..between middle and first names, Christopher, Alexander, Ryan, Michael, Matthew, and my cousin recently had a William and my other cousin a Nicholas. Our other names are more contemporary. But the contemporary names no longer feel right for this baby..like Liam. Maybe we will name the baby Noname...with a French accent No Nahm EE! How about having a few names and then picking one after you see him. I did that with our 5th. We had a couple of names but none of them were *the* name... until I saw her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I'm sorry for your loss. I would not re-use the name, agreeing that you already have. Some alternatives for Andrew that also mean "strong" would be: Richard Brian Howard (strong mind) Everett Noah Leonard (but I don't like this one--lol!) That said, in my family, my husband's middle name is Drew, after his maternal grandfather, who was Andrew. My first son's middle name is Drew, and my middle son's middle name is Anderson. But, Anderson is my paternal grandma's maiden name. Of course, my husband's dad was Donald, and dh's aunts and uncles were Dawn, Donna and David. I don't recommend that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I think my top names, neither which feel right at all, are Benjamin or Liam. The middle name dh really wants starts with an M so for Benjamin, his initials will be BM. Neither feels that right. Maybe if I just attach one to a baby, it will grow to feel right.Though I can be picky about initial combinations, I don't think BM stands out as such a faux pas. I'm sure there are gobs of kids with those initials and, really, how often are just the first two initials used? When I was named "Danielle," reportedly it was because my mother's favorite name was Daniel and, as the third child, they didn't anticipate a chance to use Daniel. But later, my mom did conceive two more surprises and Daniel was in the offing as a name again. I am glad this did not pan out, because it seriously made me feel like my name was a cheap compromise on not getting a Daniel. I really think, with a billion names available to use, there is simply no logic in using a name that is questionable. I have lost a baby, too, and I understand how perfect a name that baby's name can seem. I feel the same way about Lydia Clare. But I think losing a child *is* part of what makes that name feel so right - there should be a Lydia Clare in my family, so it's easy to feel like there should be, KWIM? but really, I do think the new baby deserves his own identity and statement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I've lost children and i would never re-use a name for a later child, especially after using it for another child's middle name. Honoring an older relative who has passed is one thing, but I think using the same name for two siblings seems disrespectful of the deceased child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I have to agree with this. There is a local family we know well who lost a son in a car accident and they named the next boy the same name. That boy was always reminded that he was named after the dead boy -- not by his parents necessarily, but by anyone who knew him and well... just the simple fact of knowing that is what he was named for in the first place. I always felt sorry for him. I don't think the parents intended it to be such, but that's a an awfully heavy load for a kid to bear. It's really quite unfair. :iagree: I would have had a hard time with something like that as a kid. Any time you're introduced to a new friend of the family, it's inevitably going to bring up memories of the deceased child as well as comparisons, and pretty soon I think I would have felt like little more than a perpetual reminder of my deceased sibling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I use to babysit for a woman who had three girls, but always planned to have five. The three girls were named Jennifer Jessica Elin Victoria Irene Hansen Jessica Elin Victoria Irene Jennifer Hansen Elin Victoria Irene Jennifer Jessica Hansen She ended up not having anymore kids so never got to use Victoria or Irene as a first name. The oldest was the only one in school and she hated having three middle names. I have no idea what the plan was in case she had boys. That is bizarre. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SebastianCat Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I don't think anyone would ever notice or use just the first and middle initials. Most often, they would use first and last initials, or first-middle-last all together. I wouldn't let that change my mind about a baby's name. I think you've already used Andrew and should choose something else for this baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamaraby Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I agree with the suggestion to wait until after the baby is born to decide, but I can completely empathize with the "nothing seems right" when it comes to naming the baby feeling. Dd2 was a surprise and we had a terrible time thinking up a name. Plenty of boys names, no girl names that I liked. Of course, I could think of plenty now, but there were other emotional things to deal with. The name she ended up with is definitely her name, but it was not clear until the moment that first moment we got to see her. Even if it takes a day or so, the name will come. You have time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Benjamin Liam is nice. :). (Mine is Benjamin Luke. Anything with a J or M was out; we didn't want the initials BJ or BM.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I use to babysit for a woman who had three girls, but always planned to have five. The three girls were named Jennifer Jessica Elin Victoria Irene Hansen Jessica Elin Victoria Irene Jennifer Hansen Elin Victoria Irene Jennifer Jessica Hansen She ended up not having anymore kids so never got to use Victoria or Irene as a first name. The oldest was the only one in school and she hated having three middle names. I have no idea what the plan was in case she had boys. Maybe Jensen Jesse Eli Victor Hansen? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Though I can be picky about initial combinations, I don't think BM stands out as such a faux pas. I'm sure there are gobs of kids with those initials and, really, how often are just the first two initials used? I disagree. I'm very grateful that my mother considered this and did NOT give me Dawn as a middle name. My initials would have been V.D. B.M. isn't much better. Is anyone else having trouble with multiquote? It doesn't seem to be working on my windows OR apple machines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 FINE! It seems like I have lost my ability to quote AND multi-quote properly. What the heck? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I use to babysit for a woman who had three girls, but always planned to have five. The three girls were named Jennifer Jessica Elin Victoria Irene Hansen Jessica Elin Victoria Irene Jennifer Hansen Elin Victoria Irene Jennifer Jessica Hansen She ended up not having anymore kids so never got to use Victoria or Irene as a first name. The oldest was the only one in school and she hated having three middle names. I have no idea what the plan was in case she had boys. John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellen Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I don't think anyone would ever notice or use just the first and middle initials. Most often, they would use first and last initials, or first-middle-last all together. I wouldn't let that change my mind about a baby's name. . I just noticed that my 10 year old has B M as his first two initials. I had never thought of it before and nobody has ever pointed it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Do you have a baby name book? If not, maybe you could buy one and highlight the names that you like. Your husband could do the same. It may give you some new ideas for the new baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 FINE! It seems like I have lost my ability to quote AND multi-quote properly. What the heck? Yeah, I haven't been able to multiquote recently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Personally, I wouldn't do it since you already have a living son with that name. However, in my family history that was pretty common. My great-great-grandfather was Joseph John. His brother born 4 or 5 years later was named John Joseph! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I use to babysit for a woman who had three girls, but always planned to have five. The three girls were named Jennifer Jessica Elin Victoria Irene Hansen Jessica Elin Victoria Irene Jennifer Hansen Elin Victoria Irene Jennifer Jessica Hansen She ended up not having anymore kids so never got to use Victoria or Irene as a first name. The oldest was the only one in school and she hated having three middle names. I have no idea what the plan was in case she had boys. That is totally bizarro. Even more bizarro than naming all of your sons George ala George Foreman. And that is saying something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 My husband's mother and her twin sister have the same first name. They mostly just used their middle names. My brother also has two brothers named Jesse so it's a family tradition to reuse first names. I think it would be fine to reuse the name if you want. Just use a different middle nam for the new baby What?! They had twins and gave them the same name? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cave canem Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I know a family that used the same name as a first name for one boy and as the middle name for two of his brothers. A daughter in the same family has the feminine version as her first name. If you say it fast it is hard to distinguish from the masculine version. So, what you are proposing doesn't seem too repetitive to me, although I myself would not do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I think what the OP suggests is just fine. Maybe not my first choice for MY family but middle names hardly ever get discussed. We know families who use the same middle name for everyone. In olden days it wouldn't have been any issue to "re use" names. Saying its disrespectful is weird to me. If you use your older child's whole name it would be good to have this one be a "II". The second. But this isn't the middle name. She was considering Andrew for her new son's FIRST name and that was the deceased son's FIRST name, as well as the other son's middle name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WestHoustonMom Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 You can totally do this. My Dad was Robert Thomas then his younger brother was Thomas William. Their youngest brother Donald named his oldest son Thomas Robert. Now, my boys are named Daniel Robert and Joseph Donald. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I just noticed that my 10 year old has B M as his first two initials. I had never thought of it before and nobody has ever pointed it out. I think it only noticeable if he wants to order monogrammed handkerchiefs or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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