Janie Grace Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Dd was invited to go to a friend's 16th bday party on Saturday. It's being held at a recreational venue. I just got an email informing me that I should bring the mom a check for $12 to cover it, plus dd needs cash for lunch on the way home. I'm assuming the girls will also bring gifts. I'm struggling that for this "party," we have to cover all our costs. Money is tight and this girl isn't a super close friend but dd wants to go to build the friendship. I'm fine to fork over the money I guess, and I will, but I guess I'm just wondering if this would seem strange to anyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I think it's a little strange but I don't have teens :). Personally I would have the gift brought be of minimal cost, maybe of the make it yourself crafty variety, or the even less costly thought that counts personal coupon gift type. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I always assumed that the host paid for the party. Then we moved overseas to Australia. I hosted a laser-tag party for my daughter and all her friends were asking us how much money to bring. I found it to be really typical that kids/guests were always expected to pay for the event. Of course this may not be typical of all Australia, but it was were we lived. (And not meant to be a slight against Australia - just a cultural difference that stood out) Then we returned to the US and it seemed the trend had found it's way here. There have been several parties over the years where my kids were asked to bring money. Ah well, we still always expect that hosting a party means we do the work and the paying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 That's weird............ hosts pay the cost of entry to a party, not guests.............. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Yeah, that's tacky. I mean, if that's what your kid wants and you really can't cover it, maybe talking to the parents (or at this age, the kids) and saying, don't bring a present, instead, we're all going to chip in for the experience, is that cool? But just assuming...? Unless I'm missing something, that seems so gauche. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I would be surprised (not pleasantly) too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 In my experience, I've had people offer to pay the $12/person or whatever if they have younger siblings who want to tag on…say to bowling, Chuck E. Cheese, whatever. I've never been asked to contribute. If I could afford it, I would probably base it on my DD's desire. But it's strange. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I've been to adult parties that were phrased, "Susie's turning 40! Let's meet at McDooley's bar and have drinks. Then maybe we'll go somewhere for dinner." I've been to enough of these to know I'm expected to pay my own way for drinks and meals. I'm fine with it. I'll bring a present, too, bc I love giving presents. So this really doesn't surprise me that this has trickled down to kids' parties. I'd be fine with it for kids, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Thinking back to the days when DD was in Pre School for 2 school years and for 3 school years in a brick and mortar private school ($$$$) that we loved. NEVER... Also, 4 school years in another brick and mortar private school ($$). NEVER... I remember one birthday party that was held in the Cali Zoo. I think the hosts paid for each child and one parent or whoever came with the child. My wife and I went with DD and we paid for one zoo admission. I went with DD to a bunch of birthday parties that were held in a Country Club and NEVER were we asked to pay for anything. Also, NEVER in any other venue... I remember one birthday party that was held on a Saturday, in the late morning, in a movie theater. My wife and I were both there with DD. We didn't pay anything... When we had parties for DD, we NEVER asked any guest to pay for anything. IMHO, the host family is out of line with their request. I don't think it matters what age the child is, the family is out of line. And, they will probably expect you to buy a gift... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I've been to adult parties that were phrased, "Susie's turning 40! Let's meet at McDooley's bar and have drinks. Then maybe we'll go somewhere for dinner." I've been to enough of these to know I'm expected to pay my own way for drinks and meals. I'm fine with it. I'll bring a present, too, bc I love giving presents. So this really doesn't surprise me that this has trickled down to kids' parties. I'd be fine with it for kids, too. I'd be okay with it too. What's tacky is that it's the opposite of the expectations. So if that's how it'll be, they should have carefully explained ahead of time, not just announced, now you owe this money. I agree that it's different when it's an adult "party" that's gathering for drinks and munchies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 The fee wasn't included on the invitation? How tacky. At least if it was included on the invitation you could decide whether to attend or not based on the cost. Emailing the day before? I'd be quite upset!! Who does that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xixstar Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 For a teen party, I'm not surprised at the idea. Here that would be very normal but the teens would all know about it ahead of time and discuss the idea and options. It wouldn't be an after-the-RSVP surprise. Most don't have the funds to pay for everyone and it would be more of a planned outing versus a "birthday party" for little kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I haven't seen that where I am. We usually go somewhere for a birthday party starting at the kids' 6th birthday because they are less work for me and that is when they become more friend-centered (as opposed to family centered, though friends are invited from about age 3 on). I HAVE said that children's _____ is included, which I include hoping that the parents won't show up expecting me to pay for them, too. We have done bowling, laser tag, and there is always a meal included. Usually parents don't stay anyway at this age. I don't mind if they do, though - and we offer them food if they are there when we get it - we usually order plenty. But I digress... A PP said something about adults -- we always go out as a family for birthdays and may invite friends and/or family to go with us (me, usually, bc I'm a party animal lol). But no way can I pay for everyone's meal!! There are no gifts or anything, either - just 'hey it's my birthday!! We are going out to eat ____, meet us there if you want!' I guess I could see something similar for teens - but i would think it would be more along the lines of something more teen-led, not parent led. I'm just picturing when I was a teenager back in the day... ;) I could say getting together with my friends and being like, 'let's do ____ for my birthday!' But it wouldn't have come from or been facilitated by my grandma. She would have been invited though. All my friends loved that woman. One insisted on calling her 'home-slice Phyllis' ---don't ask me why lol. Another kept calling her Alice (a mistake our pastor, of all people, had made!) until she threatened to tell his dad that he and I picked up hitchhiker one time. So then he stopped. Well that was random 😂. Lol!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Tacky! At that age, I think I would expect my dd decide if it was worth her spending money. My dd(16) has been purchasing birthday presents for friends for a few years, first with pet sitting money, now with lifeguarding money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 We held a party at a local zoo once, and I was pretty sure that lots of families were members. So for the RSVP's I asked people to identify themselves as members to me in their replies, so that I could order the right number of tickets for non-members. That's the closest I would ever ever come to expecting people to kick in for a party that I was hosting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 My oldest was a public school kid straight through, went to tons of birthday parties, and I've never seen a party invitation being sent and then people being asked to bring money to pay for themselves. That's ridiculous. There were times when a group of them would go out to dinner for someone's birthday and they would all pay for their own meals and chip in to cover the birthday person. So, it was more like they were taking them out for their birthday. It was initiated by the friends and usually fairly casual ("Hey, we're taking so-and-so out for their birthday, join us at this restaurant on Saturday at 6!"). I think I might feel differently if this information was given out in the invitations. "Susie would like all her friends to join us at such-and-such for some fun to celebrate her birthday. Admission is $12, we hope you are able to join us. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 My experience as my children have grown up has been that parents always paid for the party guests' expenses. The only exception has been when the venue offers activities over-and-above those which are included in the actual party. An example would be that a laser tag party is being hosted, but some of the guests might wish to play video games in addition. The invitation would note that a guest would need to bring personal money if any of the "extra" activities proved of interest. This approach does not irritate me at all. There certainly were times when I would tell a child, "Sorry. We can't cover that. Just have a good time with the primary activity!" This always has worked well. In this case, though. . . Sending an e-mail the day before the party to "hit" the guest with a hefty price tag is wrong. I'm nervous to ask whether this same e-mail also was the first time your dd had heard of the birthday party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Wow. I never would think to ask people to cover the cost of the party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 For ds's birthday several years ago he wanted to take a friend to Sea World for the day. We could cover the friend, but the parents either misunderstood or just wanted to come too, along with the younger sibs (which I should have expected because we are close with the whole family, I just didn't think about it). In that case I did ask them to cover their tickets and dinner after. We paid for the one friend we intended to invite, and covered the extra birthday stuff like the behind the scenes tour and such, but there was no way we could have paid for theme park tickets for four extra people. Other than that I have never heard of paying to go to a kid's party, though I have done some pay your own way adult outings for friends' birthdays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Around here guests don't pay. Ds2 has a friend who has hosted a kayaking/camping weekend for his b-day which included a couple meals out--one in a Nice Restaurant. About 6 or 7 boys were invited and none paid anything; the birthday dad covered everything as part of the party costs. He was invited to a paintball b-day party and the host paid. Another time it was a movie and dinner--host paid. I think if one is going to host a b-day party they should cover the cost of the event. I wouldn't host a pizza/video game b-day party and expect guests to chip in for the pizza, kwim? The host should consider their budget when deciding what kind of event to have, if any. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Cash for lunch would be more of a reminder that the kids might want to go somewhere for lunch on the way home (or stop by an ice cream parlor). The $12 would be uncommon. Usually the host says what is covered in the invite and kids bring extra money for anything else they want to do like play the pinball machines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 to me - the bd girl's mom has a lot of chutzpah. the only thing a bd guest should be required to bring is a gift if they are attending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farmgirl70 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 My kids have been invited to a number of parties at venues that were pretty high in cost for us--$50 or so per person (car racing, Six Flags, etc). I've left it up to them and they did not want to spend so much money. They'll often ask if they can meet up after the venue for dinner with the rest of the party (often at a restaurant). I've always thought it rather thoughtless….we can't be the only ones who balk at spending $100+ on another child's birthday…It's prohibitive for us. My own mode is if I am throwing a party, I am hosting. If I cannot afford to pay for my guests to do something, then I should choose to do something different that I can afford. If the kids want to go to Six Flags a couple of them could just talk about that and do it, but in my opinion it puts people who want to celebrate with the birthday child into an awkward spot when the expectation is to spend so much money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Yes, one of my DC's acquaintances always did this. I can understand being tight on money, but if you can't afford to invite a dozen kids, don't invite a dozen kids. So we paid AND brought a gift, but not every time. One time it involved $30 entrance AND the mom wanted me to take off work to drive (it was an hour each way). Nope. When we've been tight I always worked with the DC on what we could afford versus what they wanted. Some years we went and did put-put golf as a family, and then had another family over for homemade pizza and cake. Sometimes the wife would offer to bring a salad. That's voluntary though. As an adult of course the "lets take X to lunch for their birthday" means that you pay your own and contribute toward X's lunch. No gift was involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 That's not a party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Tacky. You do a party as grand or as humble as you wish, but parents pay for all logistical expenses. I would let my dd go, but I would black-list them in my mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 My kids have been invited to a number of parties at venues that were pretty high in cost for us--$50 or so per person (car racing, Six Flags, etc). I've left it up to them and they did not want to spend so much money. They'll often ask if they can meet up after the venue for dinner with the rest of the party (often at a restaurant). I've always thought it rather thoughtless….we can't be the only ones who balk at spending $100+ on another child's birthday…It's prohibitive for us. My own mode is if I am throwing a party, I am hosting. If I cannot afford to pay for my guests to do something, then I should choose to do something different that I can afford. If the kids want to go to Six Flags a couple of them could just talk about that and do it, but in my opinion it puts people who want to celebrate with the birthday child into an awkward spot when the expectation is to spend so much money. I agree. It also makes me wonder sometimes what ever happened to just hosting a party at your home and having cake? Some of these kids parties are like The Birth of The Messiah. :rolleyes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I agree. It also makes me wonder sometimes what ever happened to just hosting a party at your home and having cake? Some of these kids parties are like The Birth of The Messiah. :rolleyes I grew up in an isolated area without a lot of venues to have parties, but people were well off. And I can remember some really great at-home parties among my friends even all these years later. Usually just a few games (relay races, pin-the-tail, etc.), maybe a pinata, and cake. Then we played. When I was a teen, they had a taco bar or make-your-own pizza with just a handful of friends. DH grew up in a blue collar area where you'd have a few kids over after church for lunch and cake and play all afternoon. This move towards parties that are a production didn't reflect our childhoods. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kentuckymom Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 It's your family, and you (presumably in consultation with your DD since she's a teen) get to make the decision. I want to add my vote to the "that's tacky" side, however. I just can't imagine asking guests to pay for a party. Squirrelboy has only been to two parties outside of someone's home, both at Chuck E Cheese and fully covered by the parents. DD, at 3, already has two friends whose parents throw expensive, over the top parties, but, again, they pay for it. I'm a big believer in having birthday parties in your home. I think I had two parties away from home growing up and, so far, all my kids' parties have been at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 When my kids were little the parties were at party places. I did not want to deal with the clean up. Once we moved out of you have to invite everyone territory the parties were held at home. Pizza, cake,some party games. If my kid wanted to do something I could not afford then I would either not do it or tell said child he could invite best friend only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Aargh! Just another example of how entitlement minded our society is becoming, imnsho. There are many things I would love to do, but don't have the finances for. I find things I *can* do, but don't expect others to fund the ones I can't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I'd be okay with it too. What's tacky is that it's the opposite of the expectations. So if that's how it'll be, they should have carefully explained ahead of time, not just announced, now you owe this money. I agree that it's different when it's an adult "party" that's gathering for drinks and munchies. I agree it should be carefully explained ahead of time, so everyone knows what to expect but I wouldn't call it tacky. We've never done something like this. If our parties aren't at home, we pay. But I can see it becoming more common with kids and perhaps the etiquette of doing things this way needs to catch up/reflect the change. Assuming a group of friends all do it this way, it all evens out eventually. Say there is a group of 5 kids who have birthdays. They each pick an outside activity that costs $20 each, $100 total. So either a kid pays $100 on his birthday for everyone or $20 on 5 different occasions for himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Springing that unusual expectation on people the day before the party is rude and inconsiderate. I think if you can't afford to go on an expensive outing, you shouldn't have the party there. If you feel otherwise, at least explain what will happen ahead of time so parents can politely turn down the invitation. If any families can't afford that unanticipated expense, it puts them in an awkward position to back out at the last minute, especially if the cost is based on a certain number of guests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 But I can see it becoming more common with kids and perhaps the etiquette of doing things this way needs to catch up/reflect the change. Assuming a group of friends all do it this way, it all evens out eventually. Say there is a group of 5 kids who have birthdays. They each pick an outside activity that costs $20 each, $100 total. So either a kid pays $100 on his birthday for everyone or $20 on 5 different occasions for himself. I disagree. This ostracizes people of lesser means. Nobody wants to say, "I would love to help celebrate, but honestly, we cannot afford to do this every month or two." So, instead they will either feel socially required to go along with it or drop out of that social circle because they can't afford to be friends with that group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I disagree. This ostracizes people of lesser means. Nobody wants to say, "I would love to help celebrate, but honestly, we cannot afford to do this every month or two." So, instead they will either feel socially required to go along with it or drop out of that social circle because they can't afford to be friends with that group.I'm not sure what you are disagreeing with. I said: "assuming a group of friends all do it this way," meaning this group all has "outside" parties. You're saying people of lesser means are ostracized...but they wouldn't be in my hypothetical group who all have outside parties bc if they didnt have $20 x 5, then they wouldn't have $100 to be have an outside party to begin with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 So either a kid pays $100 on his birthday for everyone or $20 on 5 different occasions for himself. I think a problem remains: The parent does the paying, not the child, in most cases. Older teens, who may hold a part-time job, themselves might choose to pay for an activity. Children, ages 0-14, at the least, depend on their parents for all funded activities. Arguably, one might coerce (for such it would amount to) an eight-year-old to surrender twenty dollars of hard-saved allowance money. I would not feel good about that, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Hosts should pay for everything when it comes to their child's birthday party. If they have to ask the guests to pay, then they should be changing the type of party. Pizza and games at their house, or something like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildcat Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I can't get past the fact that this is a Sweet 16 party and friends are supposed to pay their own way! (and, yes, I bet gifts are expected, too) I'm just glad my kids are past the "birthday party" stage and now just hang out and have one or two friends over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Tacky, tacky, tacky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hjffkj Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 The only time paying for a party is appropriate is if its not actually a party. For example, dh wanted to go paint balling with friends for his birthday so he invited them all to join him to go play paint ball at this time. It was not sold as a party, it was sold as an afternoon of fun with friends. Whoever could come came, whoever couldn't didn't. He was honest in saying that this is what he wanted for his birthday but made it clear that gifts weren't expected. So, for a teen I would expect for the guests to pay if it was the teen themselves inviting them to hang out at a particular place for their birthday, like "lets go to the movies for my bday." But if the parent is orchestrating it all and selling it as a party then they are responsible for the fees associated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 It does seem like the teen element is a big part of it. My crowd never had parties like that when I was a teen. If someone had wanted to do something for a birthday, it would have been a casual invite and clear you paid, not a party invite and a collection. I guess it's a subtle difference... I don't think I ever did anything like that as a teen though. We mostly just went to the art museum and climbed trees and went to parks and ate at Waffle House in the middle of the night because that seems like an awesome idea when you're 16. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 It does seem like the teen element is a big part of it. My crowd never had parties like that when I was a teen. If someone had wanted to do something for a birthday, it would have been a casual invite and clear you paid, not a party invite and a collection. I guess it's a subtle difference... I don't think I ever did anything like that as a teen though. We mostly just went to the art museum and climbed trees and went to parks and ate at Waffle House in the middle of the night because that seems like an awesome idea when you're 16. My group "took 'Susie' out to dinner for her birthday." We'd all split the cost for Susie and pay our own way. A good friend of mine within the group could rarely afford it and I would pay for her. I gave her the money before hand because she didnt want people to know she didnt have the money. Oftentimes, one of the group was short and we'd chip in for her, too, if she let us know. But for my one friend, she didn't want to the whole group to know how little money she had. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I'm not sure what you are disagreeing with. I said: "assuming a group of friends all do it this way," meaning this group all has "outside" parties. You're saying people of lesser means are ostracized...but they wouldn't be in my hypothetical group who all have outside parties bc if they didnt have $20 x 5, then they wouldn't have $100 to be have an outside party to begin with. The family who could not afford it would probably due a small party at home and would not be able to join the group for the other parties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 The family who could not afford it would probably due a small party at home and would not be able to join the group for the other parties.I already wrote, twice, that this is a hypothetical group who *all have outside parties* meaning, they already do it. So they already afford it. So in this hypothetical example, there isn't a family that can't afford it. In REAL life, of course there are people who can't afford things like outside birthday parties or pay your own way parties. I do my best to be sensitive and cognizant of that, and act accordingly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeAndTheBoys Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 It's not common here; as others have said, if a family brings younger siblings, they usually pay, but the host covers the invitees. If my child went, I can say that the gift would be much smaller. We are usually in the $10-$15 gift range, so if we had to pay $12 to attend, I think the birthday kid would get something under $5--a card and some candy or other trinket, and then I'd be okay with the way it was set up. B-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 My boys were invited to a birthday party one time which involved LEGOLAND and a meal. I was expected to pay for my two boys' meals and the entry into LEGOLAND. In addition to a gift. It was an all day affair, as the LEGOLAND was located about an hour away. I forget how much it cost, but the family did not underwrite the cost of anything, plus there was the expectation of a gift. I had just gone back to work due to financial need. Parents were expected to drive their kids there and pay for their own entry into the LEGOLAND, so the cost would have been an adult entry, two kid entries, three meals and gas. I just looked and a ticket is about $15 per person if you buy ahead online. So that would be $45 for tickets, $20 for a minimal meal for three people and gas, plus two birthday gifts. My boys wanted to go, a friend offered to take my boys with her son who was also attending the party, so I did end up sending them. I would never have asked others to pay for this, though, and I still consider it in bad taste. In all the years that my four kids have been attending birthday parties, this has never happened before or since so it is highly unusual. The family was not in financial need. They just did not want to pay for the cost of that activity. The kids (the two birthday siblings) were about 9 and 11 at the time, as were my boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 Well, I'm glad I'm not the crazy one. ;) This family lives in a neighborhood where homes are 800-900K. So I doubt they're stretched, probably just clueless. My dd is on scholarship at a private school... sometimes it's hard to be in circles that don't think of certain expenses as a big deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Wow, I think that the wording for that is pretty tacky. We have stopped having "friend" birthday parties for our children because the price is high, especially if you hold it in a party venue (bouncy house place, etc) -- but I would *not* consider expecting our GUESTS to pay to come to MY CHILD'S party. That's just weird. We did have close friends recently who had a party for their kiddo at a lake/park. Car entrance was $6. We were told "We're having a day for {child} at the lake. We'd love to have you join us. Entrance is $6, bring a bag lunch but cake/drinks are provided." The idea was more like a bunch of families just having a day at the lake together, not necessarily a party. I didn't mind that at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Wow, I think that the wording for that is pretty tacky. We have stopped having "friend" birthday parties for our children because the price is high, especially if you hold it in a party venue (bouncy house place, etc) -- but I would *not* consider expecting our GUESTS to pay to come to MY CHILD'S party. That's just weird. We did have close friends recently who had a party for their kiddo at a lake/park. Car entrance was $6. We were told "We're having a day for {child} at the lake. We'd love to have you join us. Entrance is $6, bring a bag lunch but cake/drinks are provided." The idea was more like a bunch of families just having a day at the lake together, not necessarily a party. I didn't mind that at all. This would not bother me a bit, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I already wrote, twice, that this is a hypothetical group who *all have outside parties* meaning, they already do it. So they already afford it. So in this hypothetical example, there isn't a family that can't afford it. In REAL life, of course there are people who can't afford things like outside birthday parties or pay your own way parties. I do my best to be sensitive and cognizant of that, and act accordingly. You still assume the families are able. Among my sons friends there are those who cannot afford much even though the family may do an outside the house party. Not all venues are the same. For example, I could do a roller skating party on cheap night and skip the treats (I rarely do cakes and such since so many of DS friends are on special diets) afterwards and spend a buck a kid for admission. 10 kids = $10 But if his friend has a horse riding party the cost would be $25 a kid. 10 kids = $250 That is a huge difference and while the kids may not know about the price difference they have just as much fun at both. But if the roller skating family was expected to pay their share of the horse party that would put the party out of financial reach for them, even though the party seemed to be the same cost. In short, just because a family has out of the house parties, does not make them equal in cost. A parent with minimal financial means and a lot of creativity can make a low cost party just as much fun as a high cost party. Note: I used the actual cost based on local places in a LCOL area. YMMV. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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