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Briefly give a statement that describes your biggest obstacle to intimacy with your husband

momee

By momee,
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creekland

creekland

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The only thing that comes to mind in our relationship was when the kids were around - which happened a lot - esp when we homeschooled.  All of our bedrooms are upstairs and close to each other.

 

It's not at all an issue now that we're empty nesting!  It may rank as our top perk to be honest.  ;)

 

I guess coming in from working when one is all sweaty would also count, but showers fix that pretty easily.

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fairfarmhand

fairfarmhand

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1. Fatigue-- He needs way less sleep than I do. I collapse into bed at night. Along with this is the fact that he's a night owl and I'm a morning person.

 

 

2.  Busyness--We both have so much going it can be hard to reconnect regularly.

 

3. Stress--correlates with the above. We can struggle to relax enough and put aside issues of the day.

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AMJ

AMJ

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Physically:  Hormones.  Luckily I have a very understanding and accommodating DH.  Yes, he sometimes will persist, but it's because his hormones are doing their thing.  We discuss what our respective issues of the moment are, and figure out a compromise.  How romantic, huh?

 

Emotionally I don't think we have much in the way of issues of intimacy.  We mesh quite well.  Of course, we knew each other 10 years before we got married (and were already sharing a house by then), so we each well knew what we were signing up for.  My biggest personal issue is living in the climate we do, but that's because neither of us will leave the extended family and cost of living we have here.  I'm not crazy about the climate, but I can deal with it (most years, this one being a bit harder than most, again due to hormones).

 

 

Something I realized the other day:  Menopause (the long, drawn-out version) gives new meaning to Elvis's Burning Love, and whichever song has that line that starts, "Hot-blooded...".

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Desert Strawberry

Desert Strawberry

Posted
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Keeping him off my to-do list. I tend to feel like he is just one more person demanding my attention, and not my partner who needs to connect with me. Changing the way I view him keeps me from resenting him. 

It helps that he has learned to give more and take less from me. Now I feel like we are more balanced. He needs my attention, but I need physical intimacy. I feel like now, we both give more and receive more in return. 

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Suzanne in ABQ

Suzanne in ABQ

Posted
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Schedules/Different body rhythms:  Dh is early to bed, early to rise.  He goes to bed 2-3 hours before I do.  He's up early (still dark outside), and leaves for the day before I get up.  I'd like to get intimate in the evening, but he's too tired (and the kids are still up and around).  He would like to get frisky in the morning, and I've tried, but my body just doesn't respond.  The best time for us is late at night, after he's been asleep for a few hours, the kids are asleep, I'm not *too* tired, and I "accidentally" wake him up.  

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creekland

creekland

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FWIW, we've rarely been interested - or even tried to be - at bedtime.

 

I guess this is why kids were our main obstacle, but exhaustion seldom was.

 

I go to bed hours before hubby does.  He wakes up hours after I do.  Bedtime just didn't work for us as one of us would have been tired.

 

We took advantage of the times the kids were gone (youth group, friend's houses, chess matches, whatever could work).  It was easier after the oldest got his driver's license and could play chauffeur!

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Kerileanne99

Kerileanne99

Posted
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Clothes😄

 

 

Sorry, couldn't resist....

For me, definitely chronic pain and fatigue. His fatigue after a long day. One of us having to stay up much later to get something prepared for the next day. Both being on the same page at the same time. Basically, life getting in the way of the people we might like to be...

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fdrinca

fdrinca

Posted
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I resent that his daily life is significantly less stressful than mine, that he doesn't acknowledge how draining these days are, and he asks me to set aside the precious few hours I have to plan every single aspect of educating 2 or 3 kids and run a household and have some semblance of an inner life.

 

We're at a challenging period in our relationship. Four small children and homeschooling and other lifestyle choices we've made do that to you. I'm full in the "it's a season of our lives" camp. My DH is afraid that it's forever. I see his perspective and try to meet him halfway, but like those studies which ask couples to estimate the percent of household chores they do (and each spouse estimates he does greater than 50 percent), my halfway is his 20-meter line. 
 

Gosh, I'd hate to diagram that last sentence. 

 

Also, and I cannot emphasize this enough, I am holding a child almost every moment of the day - either the 14-month old or the 4 year old during the day, then the baby all night long in bed. I really, really, really like the 3 hours of MY BODY time I get to myself at night. (Oh! And that's why I love driving, too. With an audiobook in the car...) I know it's selfish. It's hard not to be when I'm giving so much during the day. 

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Slache

Slache

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No one really mentioned body image. 

 

Interesting.

While I had a very poor body image for a very long time, and for good reason, he always made me feel desirable and made it known that he wanted me and found me beautiful and sexy. Sometimes it was a random compliment such a sigh followed by "You are so beautiful", and sometimes it was a slap in the behind with a horny teenager style grunt while I was doing the dishes. I felt hideous, but I know he didn't see me that way at all. I've heard similar things from others, so no, poor body image isn't necessarily an obstacle.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Childhood abuse has caused major problems.

 

If I have my feelings hurt by him it can be hard to get over the pain, even if I've forgiven him. Just because you know something in your head, that doesn't mean you can feel it in your heart. Yes I forgive you, I know you didn't mean it, but it still hurts.

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medawyn

medawyn

Posted
Posted

Pregnancy (fatigue, body image, lack of, um, flexibility)

 

Knowing that this will be followed by about 5 months of complete and total lack of desire due to breast feeding (my DH is a very patient man and very supportive of breast feeding, despite causing serious issues in the intimacy department).

 

Having small children and being "touched out" by the end of the day

 

Priorities: I find myself putting his/our intimacy needs much lower (probably too low) on my priority list and get frustrated with him when I feel he is putting family/children too low on his list. The resulting frustration leads to increased distance; honest conversation works (slowly) to bring us back into an emotional (and then usually physical) intimacy.

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DesertBlossom

DesertBlossom

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I feel like we do pretty well, despite having 5 small kids. However, being tired at the end of the day it probably the biggest problem. I always feel bad when I've made flirtatious comments throughout the day only to fall asleep before he gets out of the shower. :( The mornings that he has the day off are good ones. ;)    Also, breastfeeding seems to diminish my body's response, and I'm often too tired for the 45 minutes it would require to get me going. However, I still crave the closeness with DH. So I told DH that I would actually prefer the *quickies* where he doesn't worry about me (which he would much prefer to do), but we still get a few minutes of intimate time and I know his needs are being met.

 

Strange, but true-- a couple of the times I've been pregnant, during the 1st and 2nd trimester I have the raging hormones of a teenage boy. It was all I could think about.  I would wake DH in the middle of the night, it was so bad. *blush* I (half-jokingly) complained to DH about how hard it was and he responded with "Now you know how it feels to be a man!"  At least it has made me understand the very real physical (constant) need that men have, even when my own needs wax and wane with pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, etc.

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blondeviolin

blondeviolin

Posted
Posted

Exhaustion is a big one here.

 

Also, breast feeding completely kills any inkling I might get.

 

This pregnancy has been awesome for me hormone-wise and my husband is loving it. It's also a taste of how I feel when he's constantly pestering me and I'm too tired to even speak a sentence. And good for me to get a glimpse as to how he feels when it's been a couple weeks and I have to be "persuaded."

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J-rap

J-rap

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Posted

Being tired at the end of the day.  (And it had to be then, because someone was always home.)  Also, trying to shut down the "To Do" list in my brain.

 

Now our youngest is at college, but even then, we have a couple of grown-up kids in town that could stop by anytime during the day. 

 

 

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LucyStoner

LucyStoner

Posted
Posted

1. Fatigue-- He needs way less sleep than I do. I collapse into bed at night. Along with this is the fact that he's a night owl and I'm a morning person.

 

This is a factor for us too, though on the first count it is reversed. I can survive ok on 5-6 hours most nights. He is all but useless school and work wise with much less than 8. He tends to stay up very late to study and I tend to get an early start on the day. We do ok though. It's an equally important priority for both of us.
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