Briefly give a statement that describes your biggest obstacle to intimacy with your husband

[foxbridgeacademy]

I would say the only issue we have is schedule. DH is on 2nd shift and stays up late after he gets home. Otherwise we're pretty much equally matched(almost 15 years).  One big obstacle I had in a previous life/marriage was the anger/resentment thing.  With Jas, I've found if I just yell sorry, tell him about it, I feel better and tend to forget the petty issues(it helps that he stays calm and reasonable).  We really don't have any major problems, I'd like a bit more help around the house but otherwise we're good. 

[Word Nerd]

Timing.

[jenn-]

Zero desire which I bet is coming from my mega low testosterone level that I just got back from the doctor.

[Peaceful Isle]

First, body issues. Second, being exhausted and trying not to feel like it is a check list to do and then I am done for the day. 

 

It helps if I try to think of things from his perspective. He really loves me and wants that intimate time, and so do I...I am just "needed out" by the end of the day, if that makes sense. Homeschooling, wiping a toddlers bum on the toilet, making meals, laundry, dishes....

 

I truly do love my life, and I feel sometimes on my most exhausted days, I need to get my strength from the Lord. 

 

Also, it helps me, when I am taxed out, to think of all my blessings. I have an amazing dh who works so hard so he can give the kids and I an awesome life. That, in and of itself, makes me desire to be with him, even if I am exhausted. 

 

[Twinmom]

Zero desire, and not on my part. It's depressing.

[Mommy_of_4]

Exhaustion. Some days I am just to tired at the end of the day to even think about it.

[SemiSweet]

Fatigue here too. I like to go to bed around 10-11 and get up early, he likes to stay up later and sleep in. We still try to make it a priority, although there are occasions when a week goes by.

[SproutMamaK]

Lack of emotional intimacy. We just don't have much to talk about (I find his interests obnoxious, he finds mine boring), and there's just not always much a connection.

[Lisbeth]

nm

[FaithManor]

Dh's work schedule.He's exhausted right now.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Wanting enough alone time to feel rested before having yet more together time. This is my major barrier. I never get enough time alone to make me feel ready for time with other people. Never. I need hours upon hours of alone time to properly recharge and I never get it.

 

I am right there with you. There are a lot of reasons in our life together, but this is probably number one for me. 

[LMD]

 

Strange, but true-- a couple of the times I've been pregnant, during the 1st and 2nd trimester I have the raging hormones of a teenage boy. It was all I could think about. I would wake DH in the middle of the night, it was so bad. *blush* I (half-jokingly) complained to DH about how hard it was and he responded with "Now you know how it feels to be a man!" At least it has made me understand the very real physical (constant) need that men have, even when my own needs wax and wane with pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, etc.

i had a similar experience when pregnant with my sons!

[trulycrabby]

Kids with sleep issues. I swear, at this point, five minutes alone would be all we need. :o Sorry, that's waaaayyy TMI. :o

[Guest]

Fatigue; applicable to either party and mostly hormonally driven

Teens/their friends around

Feels like one more job to do...

[Guest]

Changing levels of fertility - a big barrier for me. Sex is not as exciting for me now it doesn't hold the promise or potential of pregnancy,

 

You are the only woman I have ever heard this from, but this has been a major factor for me.

[Guest]

Independence. We are both very independent people who are used to taking care of things ourselves. This finds us doing our own thing too often instead of making time to connect with each other.

:D i'm sure you didn't mean it in just such a way, but that statement takes on a unique flavor in a thread of this topic.

[Guest]

I don't have a husband. That creates a big obstacle to having intimacy with one.

Can't you just use one someone's left lying about?

 

:D

[Chelli]

:D i'm sure you didn't mean it in just such a way, but that statement takes on a unique flavor in a thread of this topic.

 

:lol:  I thought the OP verified that it wasn't just physical, but all types of intimacy. Once I started reading other responses after I'd typed mine, then I thought it was a little funny. I'll leave the post alone though. Just for those with a dirtier mind.  :tongue_smilie:

[VeteranMom]

No one really mentioned body image. 

 

Interesting.

That was my first thought.  I was 130 pounds when he and I got married.  I'm 190 pounds now.  I don't feel attractive.  

[scholastica]

Being tired at the end of the day. (And it had to be then, because someone was always home.) Also, trying to shut down the "To Do" list in my brain.

 

Now our youngest is at college, but even then, we have a couple of grown-up kids in town that could stop by anytime during the day.

Change the locks and don't answer the door. 😉

[BlsdMama]

Co-sleeping with an infant. There's a good reason the swing spends its evenings in our room.

[Luckymama]

No obstacles at this stage, thank goodness. Only one kid at home and her bedroom is at the other end of the upstairs :D

 

In the past:

--being "touched out" when the kids were little

--exhaustion when the kids were little

--massive stress when my mom was ill/when my dad died suddenly/when I had to deal with their estate and selling the house etc

--some body image stuff from gaining 20 lbs, though (like upthread) my dh has always been very, ummmmm, forthcoming with his feelings about my body; I finally "heard" him a few years ago and now feel so awesome :)

 

It's like a switch was tripped when I hit 45. Both my parents were gone. I sold their house and closed the estate (my sisters are awesome so there were no problems on that end). And all of a sudden I had this immense desire.

 

It rocks.

 

:D

 

;)

[Luckymama]

Btw dd19 likes to tease us about noise coming from our bedroom. Dh and I laugh and think how we are modeling a strong, passionate marriage for her and her siblings :D

[mommymilkies]

You are the only woman I have ever heard this from, but this has been a major factor for me.

I'm another one in this camp.  It's not the only factor, but it's caused some issues in our relationship and part of me feels like "what's the point?" now that dh has a vas. 

[Ewe Mama]

Currently, his body is still overcoming the effects of chemo and radiation.

 

For my part, sudden and devastating menopause wreaking havoc on my hormones.

[Ravin]

It's changed over the course. Lately it's been pretty good. Opportunity is more frequent than it used to be, thanks to our current schedules, I (who in the past have had extended periods of zilch libido) literally have the raging hormones of a teenage boy, and while DH's health sometimes gets in the way and his libido is not what it once was, he's at "could take it or leave it" not at "no thanks."

[Mandylubug]

Timing. I am not a morning person and he will get hurt if he wakes me for tea. I don't mind before bed, even when tired but I need time to mentally shut off from mommy mode. Not to mention my kids stay awake till 11pm to better match DHs schedule...takes my ADHD boy a while to be fully asleep...so we are usually looking at a time frame of 2am...and he likes to stay up and game with co-workers some nights too. I like to read. It is all selfish wants to sleep or waiting on kids...when we can match up our wants and kids asleep we are golden.

[Melissa in Australia]

from my viewpoint

1. extremely polar views on a major issue 

2. bitterness on my part 3. over  what I perceive to be selfishness on his part

 

 

He would have a completely different 3 points - I would stab a guess from recent comments from him that rating high in those would his opinion that he had a more enjoyable life before he got married, he finds life tedious atm, and feels that I do more than my share of decision making.

[UncleEJ]

Kind of a lot over here.

I am tired and touched out.

My kids have so many needs and DH's needs sometimes put me over the edge. I feel like nobody cares about my needs. I have to try REALLY hard not to resent his needs, and it doesn't always work.

Our libidos do not even come close to matching. He could go 4 times a day, easy.

I have Crohn's Disease and that causes me quite a bit of pain and exhaustion.

He works out of town two to three weeks at a time. It is very hard to meet his needs through texting, and most options in that realm make me uncomfortable.

For DH, sex is stress-relieving. For me, it can be stress-causing. And if I am already stressed, that is the last thing that sounds helpful.

[lil' maids in a row]

I don't feel a physical need/desire.

 

It doesn't feel good (in fact it is downright unpleasant) when I don't feel any desire.

[Tap]

Lack of desire, lack of physical attraction (not related to body size), lack of affection

[rebbyribs]

Not being ready for another pregnancy.  Breastfeeding and exhaustion have pretty much killed my sex drive, and dh has been working all the time anyhow.

[staceyobu]

Children.

[jmama]

Interstitial Cystitis.  Every time any thing comes near "that place" I'll have terrible bladder pain for weeks. 

[Joker]

Tiny house with a teen and a tween. They hang out in the living room which is right outside our bedroom and they actually like hanging out with us. We make time but we could definitely make more time.

[Audrey]

Fatigue -- both physical and mental

 

Resentment -- which is related to the fatigue in that I find lately that I *do* resent always having to work and work and work and work and that when more money is needed, it is automatically assumed that I will be the one to go get (yet) another job because "farming isn't that flexible" yet I'm expected to be a farmer, too. 

 

Yeah.  That second one most of all.

[KungFuPanda]

My belief that skipping two days is no big deal and his insistence that those two days somehow defied the laws of nature and lasted a month.

[Mrs Mungo]

Deployment.

 

Oh, you mean when he's actually somewhere on the same continent... ;)

 

Um. Still going to go with lack of time/too long of work hours for him.

Ditto from another military wife.