Ting Tang, This isn’t an overreaction on your part at all. It’s hard for those who haven’t had to experience the angst of loyalty of family over marriage to understand. One cannot fairly compare what happens in their “healthy” family dynamics to those of us with “unhealthy” family dynamics. I hear you and see you and completely understand the pain this kind of insidious overstep inflicts. This is far more than a “difficult relationship” and I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. Please, fellow boardies, if you haven’t experienced the soul-crushing impact this type of family dynamic has on every aspect of your life, then refrain from minimizing her pain.

NM

NM

Preach it… my sentiments exactly as well

Thank you, both, for your replies. I just feel like I didn't spend enough time with her to ask this of her, but I'm also attempting to enter the workforce after an 18 year hiatus so what do I know. 🙂

Quick question, Hive, I am wanting to apply for some entry-level jobs within our home school district. I volunteered over the summer for approximately 7 days (2.5 hours a day) in an Art & Garden Club at the elementary school. Would it be appropriate to ask the teacher I volunteered under if I could use her as a reference, or no?

Thank you for this- I am so thankful my kids aren’t little. I do have a little irl support but not much. I’ll take what I can get though.

I just wanted to update a little...I got some answers to my questions regarding finances and have the appropriate steps to take. I was completely numb last week and then the weekend hit and it was bruuuuutal. I feel like I'm going to be permanently traumatized from this and it's just the beginning. I am so sorry for all who have gone through this. 😥

CarolinCa- Your 2nd point has crossed my mind just given how quickly and callously he is going about this, but it’s good to hear from others- I’ve been told I over exaggerate on everything so I do doubt myself. Your 1st point concerns me because it’s been mentioned before. This, to say the least, is not my area of knowledge whatsoever. Could you share with me why you suspect this and what possible scenarios you see happening?

Question- 1. The lawyer I meet with on Monday is a phone consultation. I’ve been asked to send in any documents that I might want her to review beforehand and I did. Would it be appropriate to write up a brief synopsis of my background, such as my history including working, staying home, homeschooling, where the kids currently are, expressing my desire to stay as long as possible until youngest graduates, etc. and send that in ahead of time as well? I know all of this will be discussed during the consult but it might be helpful for her to have the background going into the consult because I honestly know my mind is going to freeze up and I’m going to become a blubbering idiot. I do so much better in person than on phone. So- good idea, or no?

Thank you for this- I do have enough in my separate account that I just opened to cover the three consults I have next week.

Also, regarding documentation of his narcissistic tendencies, I have been keeping a journal that outlines behaviors and specific situations that date back to the start of our marriage. However, I don’t think that would mean anything since I live in a no fault state.

So here’s my concern over taking half of our savings and placing it into my separate account… I am completely financially dependent on him at this time. If I move some of that cash, that would be seen as an aggressive move in his eyes and then what would stop him from completely cutting me off from those direct deposits from his paycheck? I have a lawyer consult on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

Thank you EVERYONE for your hugs, shared experiences, and words of wisdom. My apologies for posting and ditching...I've been out securing a separate checking account with extra funds in in it. I also contacted several more attorneys as well as therapists. My name is indeed on the HELOC. Thank you for the reminder to stash cash away during grocery trips and curriculum selling. It seems so obvious but...my mind is very scattered at the moment. Also, good reminder on keeping all future communication regarding the impending divorce in writing, especially given his NPD traits concerning communication. My heart is full of love and gratitude towards you all, but my mind is short on words. Please know how much each and every post means to me at this...insane period of time. ❤️

Edited for privacy Thank you everyone ❤️