Do you frequently feel harassed/persecuted for being a homeschooler?

[at the beach]

No. But I know there are a lot of negative opinions out there. People just don't have the guts to say it to my face.

 

Absolutely agree. I have overheard people make very negative comments about homeschooling--these people didn't know I homeschooled. These were professionals making sweeping generalizations. I also had a grocery clerk say to my kids when she was quizzing them that she, too, would like being home and NOT getting an education. :huh: Most people won't say things to your face if they know you homeschool but heck, some have no problem. I've heard all kinds of blather. It's not okay to offer unsolicited opinions or quiz people on their personal choices. Curiosity about homeschooling is no excuse IMO. I am curious about lots of things, but I don't just go asking people about everything I'd like to know and act like it's okay to do that.  

[Truscifi]

Nope. Some negative comments, but never even close to harassment, much less persecution.

[HRAAB]

Nineteen years and counting and I've never been harassed/persecuted for homeschooling.  There have been people who obviously disagreed with our decision to homeschool and have made negative comments but nothing that could even come close to harassment.

[amsunshine]

Not harrassed or persecuted.  But we've definitely met with the usual, "but what about socialization?" or "what about college", etc., comments.  It has sometimes been annoying, but now that I've had a number of years under my belt, and my dds are thriving both academically and socially, it's really not an issue for me anymore.  If someone asks those questions, it's usually because they just don't know us or my dds, so it doesn't bother me.  I'm happy to explain our successes.

[Trish]

Harrassed?

 

I've had people say to me "I wish I could homeschool."

 

I'm not sure that it's true that you *will* be harassed, I've never experienced it.

[Critterfixer]

Not at all. I'd say the vast majority of people I've run into that asked have been supportive.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I generally have the opposite reaction.  Just yesterday, at the State Fair, someone asked dd if she was out of school for the day.  She went into a lengthy description of what we do for school ("Well, once a week, we go to 'sorta school'"  (aka Classical Conversations), and today we were sort of on a field trip, and on and on.  The man looked confused, so I inserted, "We homeschool."  He replied to dd, "Oh, you are so lucky!  That's the best way to learn."  

 

That is generally the reaction we get.  I find that when I'm positive, I get positive reactions.  Or, maybe I am just so comfortable and self-assured, no one has any inclination to try to change my mind.  

 

Sometimes, someone sincerely says they don't think they could homeschool their kids.  I just say something like, "Well, it's not for everybody.  But, I believe you probably could make it work if you wanted to."  

 

Never harassed.  

[Jean in Newcastle]

The worst comments I've ever gotten have been from seemingly sweet old ladies who have turned on a dime into screaming harridans.  Only two in the last 17 years but those two were memorable!  

[FaithManor]

I fired a pediatrician over serious harassment. But other than that, it hasn't been a problem. There has been the occasional negative comment, and dh's sister was visiting one time and got mouthy about it, but he told her to be quiet and now we do not see her due to some other issues so it's a non issue.

 

It's been years since I've had an issue of any kind and again, rarely anything I would define as harassment.

[Heathermomster]

No harassment...Funny looks maybe.  Gals cutting son's hair and making small talk seem to be the most flummoxed.

[catz]

Not at all. Had a couple tenative extended family members when we started. Most people have been reaaly positive when I say we homeschool. The only ones who seem slightly twitchy are parents that seen overly defensive about their own school choice.

[OneStepAtATime]

Harassment?  No.  Negative comments upon occasion by total strangers who have no idea what they are talking about?  Yes.  Including one memorable moment at our vet clinic where an elderly woman and her friend asked DD why she wasn't in school (she came with me to help with our animal and also because the young female veterinarian loves it when DD comes so she can show her behind the scenes and give her mini-lessons in veterinary medicine).  DD told her she was homeschooling.  The woman immediately turned to her friend and began trashing our homeschooling choice right in front of DD (and me).   :glare:  But that isn't harassment.  That's just a negative comment by a total stranger who is very ignorant and does not seem terribly open minded.  It happens but it is no big deal.  

 

I do have a friend who started homeschooling the year after I did.  Her father did not take the decision well, to put it mildly, and after cursing her out, he refused to talk to her or his granddaughters anymore.  But that isn't harassment, either.

 

Harassment seems like an odd word to use, OP.  Maybe she didn't understand the definition of that term?

[Forget-Me-Not]

 I've had people say to me "I wish I could homeschool."

 

Me too. More than once.

[LibraryLover]

I have not , thankfully.  When we left our school, teachers were very supportive and lovely.  I'm sure persecution happens (grandparents?). There are so many hsers here, so folks are mostly very accepting.  Ime, many folks relate hsing to winning spelling bees, awards etc. There may be some negative associations because of sad happenings (drowning, adoption abuse, fi), but in general, ime, people are open/supportive/live and let live.

[JBJones]

No, we've never been harassed. We did get a negative comment from two tween girls one day at the park ( 'Homeschooling will make you stupid'-----I don't know where they got their information; possibly their parents?? :001_huh: ). We did just have a positive experience with DD's new doctor. She mentioned, after finding out that we homeschool, that she knew quite a few homeschoolers in another town and she thought it was wonderful. :)

[Valley Girl]

Probably as a result of where I live, the overwhelming majority of responses--even from strangers--have been positive. (When I took the kids along with me to vote, a couple of poll workers said "good for you" when they found out we homeschooled.) We're gotten some questions from family, but they were reasonable questions. Even the socialization question was reasonable because they were genuinely interested and really had no knowledge of homeschooling or what lengths families go to in order to provide social opportunities outside brick-and-mortar school. I've been lucky, I know, and I'm sorry for those who have had the opposite experience.

[Carrie12345]

I have never felt harassed/persecuted.  Yes, I've encountered opinions and disapproval, but that was mostly in the beginning.  It never elevated to any problematic extent.

[Gentlemommy]

Virtually never. One time I was questioned by a teacher about it (ironically, it was in the lobby of the dance school lol) about how I thought I was going to be capable of teaching higher level math/science subjects. Other than that, I've gotten nothing but support.

[WagsWife]

I think you find what you are looking for, kwim?

This. I have never been harassed, or questioned in a negative way. There are sometimes the usual questions (socialization, missing out on experiences) but nothing more than curiosity by people who are ignorant about homeschooling.

 

Of course I don't open myself up for people to question/harass me either. We homeschool. It works well for us. End of story.

[happypamama]

Came back to this thread to say that our local school district is even nice to us. The assistant superintendent is the one who reviews the portfolios, and she leaves the kids nice little notes to tell them "good job" and "interesting story," and I think that is just lovely. It gives me the impression that I wouldn't hate the school if my kids went there. :). It seems that everyone around here knows someone who homeschools, and nobody ever even blinks an eye if we are out during the day.

[kentuckymom]

I'm so glad to  that the comments on this thread have confirmed the impression I got from being outside the homeschool world but knowing some homeschoolers - the occasional (usually clueless) negative comment is to be expected, but homeschooling is most often seen in a positive or neutral light.

 

It makes me really wonder what the mom I overheard perceives as "harassment." I hope the new mom she was talking with spends some time with the other longer term homeschoolers and hears about positive reactions to homeschooling..

[Erin]

Oh I've run in to people who are fairly unsupportive, and occasionally even downright hostile, but no one who was ever in a position to "harass" or "persecute."

[La Condessa]

I would assume she was using hyperbole, and that maybe you have an unusually high number of vocal anti-homeschoolers in your area.

 

I've certainly never been harassed, though my in-laws were very vocal with their opinions when they heard that was our plan. And my fil did sit down with my almost-5-year-old and tell her how wonderful school is.

 

I have a friend who, soon after we met, heard we were planning on homeschooling and responded, "I don't know why anyone would ever do that to their kids!" Fast forward a few years to when they had a baby of their own and were over at out house for dinner. She made a comment that, even though they love it here, they might have to move in a few years because the schools are so bad here. Her husband said no, they never wanted to leave, and joked that he would homeschool her. She laughed but then said, "Maybe Michelle will homeschool her for us!" I enjoyed seeing her perspective change.

[RootAnn]

I often wonder if it is harder for the moms who were active in the schools and then pull their children out to homeschool than those of us who have homeschooled since the beginning.

People just know my family is *weird* because we've never even TRIED the most wonderful, awesome, greatest, chosen-24th-most-bestest-school-in-the-state-by-US News & World Reports! Those who have been really active (in PTA) who then get frustrated by what goes on in that previously mentioned elite school district and pull their kids probably get more negative feedback (plus probably some who cheer or curse them silently from the sidelines for taking that big step). 

 

I think the most negative experience I ever had was with a grouchy old man who walks around the local pond/park when we have homeschool PE nearby. He was loudly spouting negative comments about people who are lazy and keep their kids at home instead of letting them learn at school. It is amusing to look back on now, but at the time, I felt verbally attacked. Luckily, another mom had experience with this guy previously and she calmed me down. I had been trying to assure him that homeschooling parents are the opposite of lazy and of course my kids learn at home. He apparently just likes to yell at people. Keeps his low blood pressure high enough for him to keep on living, or something.  :lol:

 

Luckily, we'd already found an unknown-to-us way to alienate the School Board President who lives next door before we started homeschooling. So we figure his behavior toward us has nothing to do with our educational choices.  :coolgleamA:

 

I had a neighbor who I thought was a friend & supportive of our choice to homeschool show me her Bilbo face one time. We were talking about an acquaintance of ours who was pondering pulling her kids from school because they were unhappy/advanced. Neighbor said, "Her poor kids! They will be so socially awkward & what about Prom?"  :confused1:  The oldest was in 3rd grade at the time, I think & the next one was the same as as my dd#2. Our relationship was never the same after that ....

[*Lulu*]

I have been thinking this over and have decided that my decision to homeschool has definitely resulted in me being harrased.

 

I mean I can't even go to the flipping bathroom by myself.

 

Everytime I sit down on the couch to read my book they want me to read another chapter of our read aloud.

 

I have to take my earbuds out every 10 minutes to listen to one of them tell me something.

 

And if, heaven forbid, I get a piece of chocolate out 3 kids and 2 dogs show up and give me pitiful gazes full of longing.

 

:P

 

Outside the home I have had a few negative comments but nothing that even remotely rises to the level of harassment. My children have set the bar very high on that one!

[Artichoke]

Nope, no harrassment here. We got lots of questions from relatives in the early years, but nothing that I'd call harrassment. We did get phone calls and questions from about a bazillion people several years ago when the CA judge "declared homeschooling to be illegal." They all wanted to know if we were going to risk jail or send the kiddos to school.

[KungFuPanda]

So, there have always been a higher percentage of homeschoolers at Squirrelboy's ballet school than in the general population, but this year about half his class is homeschooled. Two of the families just started homeschooling this year. It makes me jealous since I'd homeschool in  heartbeat if DH would let me, but that's irrelevant to this post.

 

Monday I overheard one mom talking to one of the new homeschooling moms and the mom asked if she was harassed for homeschooling. She replied "Oh, yes, harassment is always going to happen. You just have to get used to it."

 

This statement surprised me. We're good friends with two homeschooling families, one of which has been at it for 11 years now, and neither has ever mentioned being/feeling harassed. 

 

So I'm just curious if homeschoolers here feel that harassment is par for the course? If so, what does it look like?

I'm in Year 13 of homeschooling and nobody has EVER said anything rude or insulting to me about homeschooling. Also, nobody ever fears me, so I'm definitely not putting out a "back-off" vibe that would make anyone think twice about harassing me.

[goldberry]

No.  Definitely not.  Going into our 5th year here. 

 

But I don't go around harrassing public school families or judging their choices either.  Nor do I put my kid on a pedestal for homeschooling.  I have had a few comments that were clearly from people who were opposed to homeschooling.  To each their own...I did not consider it harrassment and it did not lead me to feeling persecuted.

[Amy in NH]

Nope.

[Kathryn]

No. I've never felt harassed or persecuted. I've often felt that other moms think I must judge them for sending their kids to school because as soon as they find out I homeschool, they start telling me the reasons why they can't/don't. I always find that strange.

[Crimson Wife]

Not harassed or persecuted but definitely I've gotten negative comments. Also occasionally I get grilled by crazy "Tiger Moms" about what materials I use and what other academic competitions the kids do. That can feel like harassment, LOL!

 

The most bizarre thing that ever happened was a woman who was chatting away in a very friendly manner until she asked where my kids went to school. When she learned I HS, the lady turned and walked away without so much as a word. Not even so much as an "oh".

[Erin]

…wow

[Jasperstone]

A neighbour across the road had a go at us for homeschooling, when she thought it was my child climbing over her fence to retrieve a ball. She screamed at my dd 11 until another neighbour came over, and told her it was the boy up the road that did it, and I came running out of the house wondering what the commotion was about.

 

She never apologized. She is a public school teacher. And made a snarly comment after she asked why they weren't at school anyway. On the lines of- 'Oh, that explains why they aren't socialized properly!'

 

Hmmmm, and she is???  :huh:

[Kathryn]

Oh, I just remembered that when my autistic child was still pre-school aged, a woman at our former church who knew we were planning on homeschooling and who was a retired kindergarten teacher told DH something about how we needed to put him in school and that would solve all his problems. She also was constantly grilling him, like "I just got back from a cruise. I went to the biggest state. Which one is it? Don't you know your states?"

[Jasperstone]

Oh, I just remembered that when my autistic child was still pre-school aged, a woman at our former church who knew we were planning on homeschooling and who was a retired kindergarten teacher told DH something about how we needed to put him in school and that would solve all his problems. She also was constantly grilling him, like "I just got back from a cruise. I went to the biggest state. Which one is it? Don't you know your states?"

 

We also had another neighbour quiz my dd (then 9) of her time tables, when she went over to play with his son. Seriously!!!

 

Yes, we want to sell up and move!!! :willy_nilly:

[Aelwydd]

The only skepticism we've gotten is from one of dh's friends.  However, his friend is Indian, and they take preparation for advanced education so seriously, that we don't take the questions personally. Mostly, since we live in Texas, the responses have been neutral to supportive. 

 

Mostly because we live in the land of, "Is it time now to hate on the government??  It is?!  Right on!!  Government schools suck!!"

 

 

[Rosie_0801]

At one point I was to the point of CPS harassment for simply homeschooling (we weren't the only ones in town going through this).  Now?  No. 

 

Someone called CPS on me about homeschooling and I didn't even hear about it until recently. CPS doesn't care if you homeschool and really doesn't care if you "homeschool" kids who are below school age. :rolleyes:

 

All this CPS business makes me feel like I'm some kind of bogan, though none of the complaints against me have been in any way justified.  :glare: I won't claim genteel poverty but I do my best to project "respectable poor." :rofl:

[musicianmom]

*

Edited May 23, 2022 by musicianmom

[Mommyof4ks]

The only person who has ever harassed us about homeschooling was a 'professional' at a well known dyslexia center where we were trying to get our son some help. I think she just did not know how to help him, so she made it a point to be very rude. It was too bad too, because I would have loved to have walked away with some tools to help my guy, but instead I spent a lot more time figuring it out myself. I am very careful to avoid asking for help from anyone until I know they can help us and understand my son.

 

Most people I know respect our decision even if they do not agree with it. I respect their decision to school their kids in their own way too. The goal is to raise kids who are polite and educated, and the manner is not as important as the goal.

[Momling]

No! If anything, homeschooling is downright trendy these days.

[chepyl]

I have never been harassed. I do get asked questions about getting started all the time. I have a supportive family though ad our area is heavily populated with homeschoolers.

[m0mmaBuck]

Most people are just curious.  I get questions like:

-Why did you start?

-Do you buy a curriculum?

-Do you have someone else teach them certain subjects?

-Do you test?

-What are the laws?

-You aren't planning to HS high school, are you????

 

My inlaws, who were initially against HS'ing, are my biggest supporters now. They cringe at the thought of the kids being in PS.

And I've always been the black sheep of my family so it's just one more of my many idiosyncrasies.

 

[LisaKinVA]

Always?  Never.  Once in great while...yes.  At one point, I was badgered every year by certain family members.  It's been awhile since they brought it up, though.  In a Cub Scout Pack, LEGOManiac's Tiger Year, and in a BSA Troop during the first three years, LEGOManiac was harassed by one individual scout -- but no one said anything negative to me or dh.  The harassment of DS ended (for the most part) when the offending scout was moved into a different patrol (yeah, I had something to do with that...).  I have had some new homeschooling moms here who have faced some verbal abuse from people they felt were friends -- but apparently that all changed when they decided to homeschool.  Since we've homeschooled all along, and my kids kind of stand out (excellent students, well spoken, talented swimmers, active in the community, kind, helpul, friendly -- especially to kids that seem to be ostracized), no one here has ever said anything to me.  Additionally, I go out of my way to support the teachers/admin at the DoDEA schools (providing homemade food/treats for teacher events, notes, whatever), the admin, PTSA and Booster Club moms I know have never been anything but nice to me.  Of course, I'm sure there are people who just plain avoid me...lol...but I'm too busy to care!

 

On a personal note, since I did finish high school as a homeschooler, I did face a lot of intense scrutiny, questioning and even bore the brunt of having some sermons "preached at" me/my family.  In college/early career, people didn't realize I was a home school grad, and that created some unique situations (lots of stammering/stuttering/back pedaling when I "outed" myself...lol).  

[Crimson Wife]

Oh, I just remembered that when my autistic child was still pre-school aged, a woman at our former church who knew we were planning on homeschooling and who was a retired kindergarten teacher told DH something about how we needed to put him in school and that would solve all his problems. 

 

If she actually knew the secret to solving all the problems associated with ASD, I know several PS special ed teachers who would LOVE to hear it (along with a bunch of other therapists who work with SN kids).

[Kathryn]

If she actually knew the secret to solving all the problems associated with ASD, I know several PS special ed teachers who would LOVE to hear it (along with a bunch of other therapists who work with SN kids).

Yeah, I told DH that if she ever dared pull that stunt on me, I'd tell her that after she consulted with his pediatrician, developmental pediatrician, occupational therapist, speech therapist, and ABA therapist, I'd be happy to listen to her thoughts and until then, she could keep her ignorant mouth shut.

[DianeW88]

Never. Not once in 21 years of homeschooling.

[RootAnn]

Most people are just curious.  I get questions like:

-You aren't planning to HS high school, are you????

 

:lol:  I've gotten a distinct feeling recently, as dd#1 gets older, that some of our "supportive" friends are wondering if they dare ask this question of us.  :driving:

[73349]

No, most people are very encouraging, or have genuine how-does-that-work questions. (We do not interact with the school district--in NC, homeschoolers report to the state DNPE.)

 

My answer to the "I don't have the patience" line is to shrug and say, "I used to teach school; homeschooling is much easier."

 

 

[shawthorne44]

I am pretty sure one neighbor was harassed by another neighbor about homeschooling.  CPS contacted the other neighbors including me to see if we knew of anything amiss.  I think CPS dropped it.  

[Desert Strawberry]

I would guess that what she really meant was, "Not everyone is going to agree with what you are choosing to do." For those of us who are black sheep anyway, this is par for the course, and we aren't going to bat an eye.

 

Honestly, homeschooling never comes up in our family squabbles, because there is so much other stuff to harangue us about, homeschooling doesn't even come close to making the list. Really, no one in my family ever criticizes me. There isn't much opportunity, they are all generally kind, and there are MUCH larger issues than how I school my kids. If anyone has anything negative to say, they keep it to themselves. 

 

But if one has generally always toed the line, and done the expected thing, and then breaks away, there is going to be a reaction. It may be unexpected and that family may not have to arsenal of tools that we have built over the years. Family may have very strong expectations and feel justified in saying things that no one would ever say to me. 

 

Some of it is surely cultural as well. Where we are, homeschooling is generally held up as the ideal educational choice, even by those who know little about it. It's considered a positive, desirable choice. Not everyone agrees, but the overwhelming response is positive. Even when it's assumed that my kids don't actually have to do anything  :huh:

 

Where I grew up, even though there is a heavy push towards formal schooling (it's customary for children to start full day, academically based school at age 2), alternative educational experiences are common. There are a wide assortment of schools of every brand, theology, ideology, and size, ranging from individual instruction to university-style theater seating. I didn't hear anything negative about homeschooling, as probably most people don't really know what that means, and it's just one more unusual schooling option. 

 

In some places, though, public school THE route to education. Anything else is extremely suspect. I've even heard private schools being disparaged because they are teaching something *different* (shudder), and you just can't trust that.  :confused1:

 

Look at the articles we've all read warning that homeschooled children are at risk for abuse, neglect and all manner of atrocities. The attitude of "What are they trying to hide?" and "Why are they denying their children a normal childhood?" is fairly pervasive in some places. In those places, I would expect there is likely to be more suspicion, more negativity. possibly some actual harassment. 

 

I would call being reported to CPS -sometimes more than once!-harassment. I would call family members routinely undermining parental choices and being overtly critical in front of the kids harassment. Random people at the grocery store asking. "No school today?" doesn't qualify as harassment to me. Annoying, yes. Persecution, not at all.