How Much Would This Bother You?

[mom2bee]

If you found out that your babysitter of 4+ years called your child by a nickname that *you* don't like but the child has no problem with?

 

For example, if you name your kid Benjamin and call him Ben but you find out that the babysitter calls him Benji.

 

For a full picture of the story, see posts #7, 12, 20, 48, 56 and 102

 

 

 

 

 

[Desert Rat]

It wouldn't bother me at all. 

[Joker]

It wouldn't bother me at all. I babysat long term for many children starting at age thirteen. I had many nicknames for them and I never once considered if the parents were okay with it. My dds have been given nicknames by family, babysitters, and friends. It's not something that bothers me at all, especially if my dds are okay with it.

[OneStepAtATime]

Would not bother me at all as long as it couldn't be construed as something derogatory and my child was fine with it.  In fact, I might find it rather sweet that the special nickname possibly indicates they have developed a special bond.

[idnib]

It wouldn't bother me and I would think it was cute they had a bond. 

[candicane]

It wouldn't bother me at all. My dad dislikes when anyone calls me candy or candi (as my name is Candice) but it's my name, it's my choice.

[mom2bee]

It never crossed my mind that I would be offending someone by giving their kid a nickname, but I think that I managed to do just that. I don't know if I should apologize or what. I feel both upset and guilty.

 

I've been watching a kid named Benjamin for years. When the mom came to pick him up, I called out "Hey, Benji, your mom is here so get your bag." and I noticed her look taken aback but I didn't connect the dots and when I said something to him later and called him Benji she got huffy and snapped at me "Whoa! Uh-huh, back all the way up! His name is Benjamin not Benji...If I wanted him called Benji, I'd have named him Benji!" She was very clearly upset.

 

I was so shocked at her reaction that I couldn't say anything. Benji (who is 9, by the way) said, "Oh, she always calls me Benji, mom, I don't care."

 

Mom was clearly upset and said something along the lines of "I mind. I'm your momma, I named you Benjamin. Benji is a dogs name!"

 

 

A few hours later,she called me and told me in a very cold way that she doesn't appreciate me calling her son Benji--which is a dogs name--and that she gave him his name to honor a relative and my calling him by a dogs name is demeaning and even if I didn't know Benji was a dog, I knew his name was Benjamin, blah, blah, blah...

 

I mean...Am I in the friggin twilight zone? Did I miss something? For what its worth, I always get the persons permission to use a nickname with them, even if that person is 5! It never occurred to me that I should check with the childs parents...

 

Should I apologize?

[Tammi K]

Not in the least. I only have two of 6 kids who are being called by the name I gave them. Such is life.

 

The only time it really bugs me is when it is a professional ( doctor's office, dentist, etc) who has my child's name on a form, in their hand, and they choose to use a nickname/shortened form. That gets corrected immediately! When my kid gives you permission to use a familial or pet name, then you can use it. .....stepping down from my soap box now

[Tammi K]

It never crossed my mind that I would be offending someone by giving their kid a nickname, but I think that I managed to do just that. I don't know if I should apologize or what. I feel both upset and guilty.

 

I've been watching a kid named Benjamin for years. When the mom came to pick him up, I called out "Hey, Benji, your mom is here so get your bag." and I noticed her look taken aback but I didn't connect the dots and when I said something to him later and called him Benji she got huffy and snapped at me "Whoa! Uh-huh, back all the way up! His name is Benjamin not Benji...If I wanted him called Benji, I'd have named him Benji!" She was very clearly upset.

 

I was so shocked at her reaction that I couldn't say anything. Benji (who is 9, by the way) said, "Oh, she always calls me Benji, mom, I don't care."

 

Mom was clearly upset and said something along the lines of "I mind. I'm your momma, I named you Benjamin. Benji is a dogs name!"

 

 

A few hours later,she called me and told me in a very cold way that she doesn't appreciate me calling her son Benji--which is a dogs name--and that she gave him his name to honor a relative and my calling him by a dogs name is demeaning and even if I didn't know Benji was a dog, I knew his name was Benjamin, blah, blah, blah...

 

I mean...Am I in the friggin twilight zone? Did I miss something? For what its worth, I always get the persons permission to use a nickname with them, even if that person is 5! It never occurred to me that I should check with the childs parents...

 

Should I apologize?

 

We posted at the same time, so I didn't see your post when I replied.  In your case, I think Mama is a whackjob. Even if she had very strong opinions about his name, she certainly could have handled it with a lot more grace and tact.  I can't imagine she would expect to drop off BenJAMIN at your house and have everything still be warm and cozy.  You could apologize but I doubt it would do any good. She seems to have her mind made up.  

 

For what it's worth, my youngest is Benjamin. Mainly he's called Ben. His sister always calls him Benny-boy. Sometime I call him Benji, just to annoy him. :laugh:  But, if I really want to tease him, I remind him that I wanted to call him Declan. (He's not a fan :coolgleamA: )

[mom2bee]

I don't know. Nicknames are extremely common in my area and almost every child I deal with on an intimate level, I have given a nickname too. We just sort of take the nicknames for granted, but, uhm...but, I don't know...I feel awkward now just thinking about it.

 

She seemed genuinely upset and distressed about it and went from normal to nutso in about 2 seconds, so clearly it means something to her, but yeah...just awkward.

 

ETA: I'm his regular babysitter (AFAIK) but I don't see him more than a couple of times a month. Maybe she felt it was too familiar or inappropriate for the infrequent times we are together?

[DesertBlossom]

Sounds like her issue is more with the name Benji than just with you giving him a nickname.  Apparently she has a strong dislike for that nick name, to put it mildly. 

[Desert Strawberry]

I have a Benjamin who is called Ben,and a William who is NOT a Billy. I don't care if anyone calls him Benji or Benny or Mac or Buddy. He will set you straight that he is Ben. 

William is very clear that he is William and only William. I plan to encourage him to protect his name,because I feel strongly about it. 

If she has a problem, she needs to take it up with her kid.

[Desert Strawberry]

Dp

[LibraryLover]

I'm impressed that it took her four years to notice, and that it had never come up in conversations or correspondence/notes.

 

One of my children has nickname I don't love, but I've learned to like it well enough.

[LibraryLover]

Sorry, double post.

[mom2bee]

Before you even added your last post...I read the first one and thought I wouldn't like Benji. It reminds me of a dog. I am shocked she hasn't heard you say it over the past 4 years. That seems kind of weird. Regardless, I think if she had kindly said, "I do not like Benjamin being called Benji. Please call him Benjamin." That wouldn't have bothered or upset me. I used to be a nanny and babysat a lot as well. If it was me and a parent clearly despised a nickname I had called their child. I would just apologize and call them by their given name. Some people like nicknames. Some don't. I knew a lady that named her son Zachary and was very clear with everyone he was not to be called Zach.

I don't think it ever once occurred to me that Benji was a dog. Its weird, I know of Benji (The Dog) but I don't think that I have ever even seen a Benji film. I just never connected the dots or thought about the fact that I was, in a way, calling her little boy a dog.

 

I did apologize to her, multiple times, and I told her that I didn't mean to imply that her son Benjamin was a dog. I told her I wasn't familiar with Benji movies, though now that she mentioned it, yes, I knew that Benji was a dog.

 

I don't always call him Benji, and I don't watch him too often, maybe a couple of times a month. Also, she usually calls ahead and I try to have him cleaned up and ready to go when she pulls up, so, I guess its possible that she's never heard me calling him Benji, but I wasn't trying to hide the fact that I called him Benji from her, she just never happened to hear it.

 

I definitely apologized  but it was when she was angry with me, I'll apologize tomorrow when she's hopefully calmer. I know that I'll be hard pressed to ever forget that he is Benjamin and NOT Benji ever again.

[LibraryLover]

I don't think it ever once occurred to me that Benji was a dog. Its weird, I know of Benji (The Dog) but I don't think that I have ever even seen a Benji film. I just never connected the dots or thought about the fact that I was, in a way, calling her little boy a dog.

 

I did apologize to her, multiple times, and I told her that I didn't mean to imply that her son Benjamin was a dog. I told her I wasn't familiar with Benji movies, though now that she mentioned it, yes, I knew that Benji was a dog.

 

I don't always call him Benji, and I don't watch him too often, maybe a couple of times a month. Also, she usually calls ahead and I try to have him cleaned up and ready to go when she pulls up, so, I guess its possible that she's never heard me calling him Benji, but I wasn't trying to hide the fact that I called him Benji from her, she just never happened to hear it.

 

I definitely apologized but it was when she was angry with me, I'll apologize tomorrow when she's hopefully calmer. I know that I'll be hard pressed to ever forget that he is Benjamin and NOT Benji ever again.

I'd finish out the summer & be done. I don't need to be apologizing multiple times to anyone. Sounds wacky and i don't do well with wacky.

[OneStepAtATime]

Really sorry OP.  I hope she accepts your next apology with more grace than she apparently did during the heat of the moment.  Wow....

[Ripley]

I wasn't a fan when my son's coaches started calling him by the associated nickname, but I didn't go nuts about it. I just cringed a little, mostly inside, and eventually the nickname started sounding normal to my ears.  I'm still not a fan of the nickname, but now even more people call him that. I think I'm the lone holdout. He'll answer to anything, it's just not something he cares about.

 

I vaguely remember Benji (the dog).  I wonder if this mom has some baggage associated with the name, so it's something she's extra sensitive about?  My nephew is named after my BIL's favorite musician. If anyone tries to use the nickname, my BIL goes ape.  He's extra sensitive about the full name because he is super vested in the name choice.  I mean, like, SUPER VESTED. This kid was named before he was even a twinkle in anybody's eye! It was brought up during one of their first few dates, like he needed reassurance that SIL was cool with the name so that he could continue dating her to see where the relationship went. :lol:

 

Sounds like my BIL and Benji's mom are two peas in a pod.  Lord have mercy.  Maybe she hadn't thought about the Benji (dog) reference until someone brought it up after the kid was born - you know how people do that kind of thing? When my daughter was four someone told me DD had the same name as a famous hooker.  I'm the sort to be amused by that (nice women don't make history and all of that) but I can see where some may not like the association ... or someone bringing it up so late in the game!

 

I'd stop calling Benji by that nickname. I'd worry that the mom would make a huge deal of it to him at home, leaving him to be her baggage handler - so to speak.  But I'd be sad, maybe annoyed, about it.  It sounds like you

[candicane]

I bet her and my father would get along so well! This is his line of thinking too. He named me Candice, not Candy. I wouldn't apologize for it, by any means, just tell her that she needs to speak with her son about it then, or find another babysitter.

 

[chocolatechip]

This seems really controlling to me. As long as the kid is fine with the nickname, why would a parent get so bent out of shape about it? A kid isn't a parent's personal property or an extension of the parent. A kid is a unique, separate person. Each person should be able to make decisions about how others call them.

 

A parent might hate Benji, but what if the kid likes it? Should the parent get his/her way just because said parent is older/bigger/ect? 

 

However, I think it's very appropriate for the kid to request not to be called by a certain nickname if he doesn't like it. 

 

 

FWIW, my brother's name has a very common one-syllable nickname associated with it. My parents don't like the nickname. But they don't say, "I don't like Son to be called Sonny." They have said nothing. Brother IS sometimes called by that nickname by friends and especially on sports teams. 

 

Guess what? We are all still alive. 

[Forget-Me-Not]

I don't think it ever once occurred to me that Benji was a dog. Its weird, I know of Benji (The Dog) but I don't think that I have ever even seen a Benji film. I just never connected the dots or thought about the fact that I was, in a way, calling her little boy a dog.

 

I did apologize to her, multiple times, and I told her that I didn't mean to imply that her son Benjamin was a dog. I told her I wasn't familiar with Benji movies, though now that she mentioned it, yes, I knew that Benji was a dog.

 

I don't always call him Benji, and I don't watch him too often, maybe a couple of times a month. Also, she usually calls ahead and I try to have him cleaned up and ready to go when she pulls up, so, I guess its possible that she's never heard me calling him Benji, but I wasn't trying to hide the fact that I called him Benji from her, she just never happened to hear it.

 

I definitely apologized but it was when she was angry with me, I'll apologize tomorrow when she's hopefully calmer. I know that I'll be hard pressed to ever forget that he is Benjamin and NOT Benji ever again.

No, you've already apologized, more than once. Don't continue to feed this. When they show up, be polite and kind and don't refer to it again.

 

If anything, she owes YOU an apology for her extreme overreaction. A simple, "hey, we prefer you call him Benjamin" would have sufficed. But to snap at you and then place an angry phone call a few hours later? Wow.

[RanchGirl]

In general, nicknames don't bother me and it's a nice sign of affection but I also don't care for Benji.  I wouldn't get as upset as her, but I would probably simply request not using that name.  She doesn't even need a reason, though I can see her point that it's a famous dog name.  If you like calling him a nickname (which I think is darling for a relationship between child and babysitter), try something unrelated to his name and complimentary, like "SuperMan".

 

One apology and respecting her request in the future should suffice.  I would not repeatedly apologize, there is just no need for that and you don't want to validate her overreaction.

[aggieamy]

 

If you found out that your babysitter of 4+ years called your child by a nickname that *you* don't like but the child has no problem with?

 

For example, if you name your kid Benjamin and call him Ben but you find out that the babysitter calls him Benji.

 

 

My thoughts after reading this post were that if she was okay with nicknames then she that's weird.  I do agree that Benji is a dog's name though.  I would cringe to hear a kid called that.  

 

It never crossed my mind that I would be offending someone by giving their kid a nickname, but I think that I managed to do just that. I don't know if I should apologize or what. I feel both upset and guilty.

 

I've been watching a kid named Benjamin for years. When the mom came to pick him up, I called out "Hey, Benji, your mom is here so get your bag." and I noticed her look taken aback but I didn't connect the dots and when I said something to him later and called him Benji she got huffy and snapped at me "Whoa! Uh-huh, back all the way up! His name is Benjamin not Benji...If I wanted him called Benji, I'd have named him Benji!" She was very clearly upset.

 

I was so shocked at her reaction that I couldn't say anything. Benji (who is 9, by the way) said, "Oh, she always calls me Benji, mom, I don't care."

 

Mom was clearly upset and said something along the lines of "I mind. I'm your momma, I named you Benjamin. Benji is a dogs name!"

 

 

A few hours later,she called me and told me in a very cold way that she doesn't appreciate me calling her son Benji--which is a dogs name--and that she gave him his name to honor a relative and my calling him by a dogs name is demeaning and even if I didn't know Benji was a dog, I knew his name was Benjamin, blah, blah, blah...

 

I mean...Am I in the friggin twilight zone? Did I miss something? For what its worth, I always get the persons permission to use a nickname with them, even if that person is 5! It never occurred to me that I should check with the childs parents...

 

Should I apologize?

 

I think she handled the situation poorly BUT based on this I kind of get her side.  My family does not do nicknames.  My dad, my brothers, my kids.  We all go by our full Christian names and I would be a little ticked off if someone who knew my family for four years decided to start calling my kid "Jimmy" or "Billy".  

 

I do think she handled it immaturely but if you have a good relationship otherwise then I wouldn't worry about it.  Everyone has an off day and everyone reacts to things poorly at times.  

 

[Dory]

My kid gets to choose his or her name or nickname. My dd has made it abundantly clear that she wants to be called by her proper name and yet, because of her age she hesitates sometimes when some family members continue to push her nickname. For her, I repeatedly, and firmly correct them. My oldest prefers to be called by a specific nickname I will push that nickname.

 

My little brother has one person in his life who consistently calls him by a nickname he doesn't like. He's an adult and I won't correct people for him anymore, but I cringe whenever they do that and it annoys me. If it didn't annoy him, I would shrug it off, but because someone is doing that knowing he doesn't like it, then it annoys me.

[Lisbeth]

I think she handled it poorly, but it is a parent's right to name a child. If someone uses a nickname the parent(s) hate and it sticks, I think it is intrusive and presumptuous. I always ask the parent the preferred name.

I haven't had anyone try to use nicknames that we don't use with my children, but I would politely ask for it to stop if someone did. Note: we use a nickname for one and a middle name for another. Still...

[Carrie12345]

She's a loon.

 

I chose names with no official nicknames on purpose. But that doesn't stop anyone (including dh and me) from abbreviating and making pet names. Uh, no pun intended. It's just what people do!

[lailasmum]

I think its a totally over the top reaction, it's a cute nick name and shows an affectionate bond. If the kid hates it he can say. Maybe the kid likes it because of that special bond and the mum hates that. If he doesn't feel demeaned by it why is it an issue. I personally can't say I've ever come across a dog called Benji.

[LucyStoner]

I have a son who has modified his own nickname and is pretty insistent about it, to the point of editing his name to his preferred spelling (it just adds a Y to the end of his nickname) when he sees it spelled without the Y he added.  His name, his choice. 

 

I really think the person getting bent out of shape about this is being overbearing and odd.  Just plain odd.  I try to assume positive intent and not make up hurt where none is intended.  Accusing you of using a dog's name for her son is just making up something to be offended by.  Whatever.  I'd let it go.  Certainly, I wouldn't use the nickname if it bothered the parent's that much (unless it was a child with a self selected nickname). 

[Soror]

I think she is a control freak. I could see her point if this was a baby or toddler but at a certain age a kid ought to have a say in what they are called and it is fine with him she shouldn't be nearly so offended. You've already apologized. I wouldn't bother again. You're not psychic and no way of knowing what her particular preferences were irt his name. It is not like you purposely set out to do so to annoy her (like people who dont like a kid's given name but call them something different instead). Lots of people do nicknames, fwiw my own kids don't have nicknames as they have short names but I do call them various little things at times. 

[marbel]

Benji is a dog's name because there's a movie about a dog with that name?    Was Benji an OK human name before the movies came out?   I've known people nicknamed Benji, before and after the movie.

 

Is Max a dog or human name?  We know an awful lot of dogs named Max, including our own.  But there are humans named Max too.  Maybe it's different because there's a famous dog named Benji? 

 

I agree with Soror. The kid is old enough to speak for himself.

 

Sorry, OP, that you are put in this uncomfortable position!

[Butter]

I wouldn't care one bit.

 

I was told when my son was born that Fritz was a dog's name.  Yes.  And it's also a human name.

[kewb]

I think that mom is a bit of a nutter. A simple, please call him by his given name would have sufficed. I would be saying to myself over and over. "Not my circus. Not my monkey. "

When my Dd was born a few family members tried to call her Mickey as a nickname. I put the kibosh on that immediately. Once she was old enough to speak for herself she was in charge of what new people could call her. She went by mickey for a few years with some of her friends. I died a little on the inside each time someone said it.

[wintermom]

It does sound like an over-reaction on her part, but you've know the woman for 4 years as well and would have a better idea of her personality in general. I'd be done babysitting for her unless this is very unlike her in general. The immediate reaction of being angry enough to blow up I can understand, but the phone call hours later and she's still fuming would send me running in the other direction. This was a very small incident, but it would tell me how dramatic she'd probably get in a larger, more serious issue and I'd not want to deal with that kind of woman.

[Lolly]

It never crossed my mind that I would be offending someone by giving their kid a nickname, but I think that I managed to do just that. I don't know if I should apologize or what. I feel both upset and guilty.

 

I've been watching a kid named Benjamin for years. When the mom came to pick him up, I called out "Hey, Benji, your mom is here so get your bag." and I noticed her look taken aback but I didn't connect the dots and when I said something to him later and called him Benji she got huffy and snapped at me "Whoa! Uh-huh, back all the way up! His name is Benjamin not Benji...If I wanted him called Benji, I'd have named him Benji!" She was very clearly upset.

 

I was so shocked at her reaction that I couldn't say anything. Benji (who is 9, by the way) said, "Oh, she always calls me Benji, mom, I don't care."

 

Mom was clearly upset and said something along the lines of "I mind. I'm your momma, I named you Benjamin. Benji is a dogs name!"

 

 

A few hours later,she called me and told me in a very cold way that she doesn't appreciate me calling her son Benji--which is a dogs name--and that she gave him his name to honor a relative and my calling him by a dogs name is demeaning and even if I didn't know Benji was a dog, I knew his name was Benjamin, blah, blah, blah...

 

I mean...Am I in the friggin twilight zone? Did I miss something? For what its worth, I always get the persons permission to use a nickname with them, even if that person is 5! It never occurred to me that I should check with the childs parents...

 

Should I apologize?

 

Maybe it has something to do with the people who like the name Benjamin? I had the same thing happen with a Benjamin in my class when I was teaching. Only I called him Ben. At his request. His mother pitched a fit. From that point, I had to remember to call him Benjamin. Actually, I tried to avoid her like the plague. Poor boy wanted to be Ben so bad. At 11, I think he should be allowed to decide what people call him.

[73349]

I think at a certain point, kids ought to be the ones to say what they're called. (Actually, I know a young woman who overruled her parents' nickname for her as soon as she could talk. :) ) I would be looking to replace a client who would flip out over something like that, given the child's age.

[zoobie]

Don't apologize again. She grossly overreacted. Unless she's actually a nutter, I would wonder whether the reaction comes out of her history with the person after whom he's named. Like a brother who has passed and hated hated hated being called Benji or something. If she had asked you not to call him Benji when he was little and you continued, that would be irksome (though not rising to her being repeatedly rude). It's obviously *her* issue, not yours. That level of overreaction would make me not sit for her again. Stand up for yourself! You did nothing wrong, and you certainly shouldn't be groveling. One apology at the time she was upset was plenty.

[Annie G]

I think she overreacted quite a bit!  But she's the employer here so I guess she gets to set her demands and you get to decide whether you want to play by her rules. If she's generally easy to work for, I could overlook her name tantrum. But if it's just one of several ways she irritates you, it's time to stop babysitting Benji. 

 

Ds has always gone by James. Never shortened. But oddly enough, now that he's an adult, medical people call him Jim. He doesn't even recognize the name as his. At the eye doctor the other day the assistant came out and called Jim. He didn't look up. After calling 'Jim' several more times she came over an assumed he didn't hear her and he told her his name is James.  It truly never occurred to him that they were calling him. 

 

Dh uses his full name, as does our youngest daughter. It is annoying to have people *they don't know* try to shorten it but they don't mind people they know well doing it.  And you know that young boy well.  

[trulycrabby]

I think the mom did an excellent job at informing you that she is a nutter. :o

[Word Nerd]

It wouldn't.

 

ETA: I just read the other post. She is making a mountain out of a molehill, but I'd stop using the nickname.

[Hikin' Mama]

It wouldn't even be on my radar to be upset about that. Seriously!?! So many other things in life to expend energy on. Sorry she reacted like that. :(

[fairfarmhand]

not a bit.

[mom2bee]

I'll definitely remember not to call Benjamin Benji ever again but the fact that she even had a problem with, and then her reaction just really caught me off guard.

 

Benjamin said he didn't mind being called Benji on multiple occasions. The best example is when I would help him with his homework, he always wrote Benjamin and it would take him a long time (and many letter reversals) so I'd say "Why don't you just write Ben?" and he would say "I don't like Ben, my name is Benjamin."  and I'd ask him, "Do you only like to be called Benjamin?" and he'd say something along the lines of "I like to be Benjamin at school and Benji when I'm here. I never like Ben."

 

I never called him Ben and I never let anyone else call him Ben because he told me that he doesn't like it. AND his father knew that I called him Benji from the times he's come to pick him up (Dad works flexible hours never calls ahead so its harder to have Benjamin ready to go) and I know for a fact that Benjamins dad noticed me calling him Benji because he commented on it. (Benjamins middle name starts with a G. Dad thought that I was saying "Ben. G.") He asked how many Benjamins I watched and I told him just, one and told him it was Benji, not G. (I didn't even know his middle name was "Gxxxxxx" until then) When dad realized it was Benji he just laughed, got his kid and left.

 

I don't know what was up with mom yesterday, I don't know her that well, so maybe she's just really sensitive about that and I never knew. Mom is nit-picky about things, but her anger was out 'off center' from what I know of her.

 

[wendyroo]

When I was a teenager I babysat for a little girl named Gabriella.  Her parents (my neighbors) had struggled with infertility for many years and then been on a waiting list a couple more years to adopt Gabriella as a newborn.  The first time I babysat her when she was 6 months old, her mother clearly laid out what I was to call her - Gabriella or Bella.  They had been planning and dreaming about that name / nickname combo for nearly a decade and they were not leaving anything to chance.

 

I was still babysitting her 6 years later when little Gabriella decided she wanted to be called Gabby.  Oh, the horror.  Of all the nicknames she could have chosen that was the most loathsome to her parents and they outright refused to call her that.  I decided to be Switzerland in the whole conflict and spent 6 months just calling her Sweetie.

 

Wendy

[unsinkable]

It wouldn't bother me. I think it is cute.

 

But I love nicknames. We're a nickname family. Many people don't know my given name and they're shocked to hear it is different from what I'm called. :lol:

 

But I'm surprised at the responses here. There are so many WTM threads where the majority of responses are of the "no nicknames EVER!" variety.

[1GirlTwinBoys]

It wouldn't bother me.  If I had a good babysitter that cared well for my children, I wouldn't make an issue out of something like that.  

[underthebridge]

I must be in the minority here, because I do care about that sort of thing. I am always careful to pronounce people's names correctly (Ahn-drea vs Andrea, Caroline vs Carolyn, Alic-ee-uh vs Ali-sha). I have to say that my background is that I have seen many many examples of people mispronouncing or abbreviating names, particularly non western names, because they were "too difficult" to pronounce and I find it very disrespectful. This is a different matter, but related, in my opinion. I never nickname other children's names because I assume the parents and children have chosen their name for a purpose. Also, even if I see parents call their children nicknames, I stick to their given names if it seems like the nicknames are terms of endearment. I understand that other people might not mind, but I believe other people should respect my wishes to have my kids called by their proper names. I think she could said to you, " if you don't mind, I would prefer that you call him Xxxx" and I would hope no one would have a problem with that. I have done that before.

 

In this case, the lady overreacted and seems like one of those people who allows resentment to build up and then it explodes. You were more than gracious in your apology. To the posters who say "Benji is a cute nickname and if the child likes it, then what's the big deal?", I would say that kids often will not tell adults they don't like something because they are seeking approval and trying to fit in. And the cuteness of a name is an opinion.

[Danestress]

I think it is strange that the mom would not know that you have called a child Benji for four years. Seems like she would have heard it before.

 

I would not call a child by a nick name as a sitter. A lot of parents in the South have strong feelings about this. If the parents introduce a child as Benjamin, I would call him that. If the child wanted to be called something different and insisted on it, I would speak to the parents. But I would not make suggestions because I know some parents really would not like that.

 

I would not really be mad if someone called my child by a nick name. With a young child, I would expect that if I corrected them, they would defer to me, since I am paying them. It would make me mad if a sitter (or family member) persisted or argued with me about it.

 

I thnk you should just apologize and call him Benjamin. Since you are apparently the only one calling him Benji, I should think that will be ok with him. If he really felt strongly about being called Benji instead, I would imagine he would wage that battle on several fronts - at school, with friends, etc. Since it sounds like he is not doing that yet, he probably will be ok with you changing what you call him.

[kristi26]

My son's name is Lukas.  His baseball team and coach often call him Luke.  I still call him Lukas.  I don't care that they call him Luke because HE doesn't care that they call him Luke.  If he cared, I'd say something but he doesn't.  It seems silly that she is worked up about you calling him by a nickname.

[mom2bee]

I must be in the minority here, because I do care about that sort of thing. I am always careful to pronounce people's names correctly (Ahn-drea vs Andrea, Caroline vs Carolyn, Alic-ee-uh vs Ali-sha). I have to say that my background is that I have seen many many examples of people mispronouncing or abbreviating names, particularly non western names, because they were "too difficult" to pronounce and I find it very disrespectful.

I agree, and because I like my own non-Western 3-syllable name pronounced correctly, I try and be sensitive to this. I hate when people mess up my name 2x and then declare "I'll just call you Ashley" or something else. That makes me crazy so I (thought) that was sensible in only calling people what they want to be called and I do my best to pronounce their name correctly.

This is a different matter, but related, in my opinion. I never nickname other children's names because I assume the parents and children have chosen their name for a purpose.

The problem is that no one told me this would be or was a problem. Not the child, the dad or the mom. The mom never told me that she didn't like nicknames, or preferred that he be called only Benjamin (she said she shouldn't have had to tell me that...) and Benjamin said on multiple occasions over the last few years that he liked or didn't mind being called Benji. Benjamins dad knew that I was calling him Benji and he never said anything. It could be that virtually everyone has a nickname and Benjamin just wanted it/allowed it to fit in, but I'll definitely remember not to call him Benji.

Also, even if I see parents call their children nicknames, I stick to their given names if it seems like the nicknames are terms of endearment.

This is a good point and clearly I was wrong in this instance to offer/give her child a nickname, I have only ever heard her call him Benjamin and I probably should have picked up on that.

I understand that other people might not mind, but I believe other people should respect my wishes to have my kids called by their proper names. I think she could said to you, " if you don't mind, I would prefer that you call him Xxxx" and I would hope no one would have a problem with that. I have done that before.

I have no problem calling him Benjamin, it was just...she went nutso in the blink of an eye. Now, there is awkwardness where there was none. I wasn't meaning to demean/malign/slander her kid (or his namesake). I honestly never thought about it being something she'd get angry about.