Tohru Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 My child started dance lessons today and received a ticket to exchange for candy for "doing so well." Of course, all the children did well; Of course, they all got tickets to 'pay' for candy. We do eat candy, and cakes & cookies, and all that other stuff that isn't suppose to be super healthy, however we never used them as an incentive. We just enjoy them whenever - some days we'll have cookies in the house, some days we wont. I've always believed that using sweets as an incentive or punishment can cause food issues. The ONLY thing my child keeps talking about is getting candy at dance class. She wants to go again to get candy. I asked if she liked the class, she said yes, because she got candy. I asked if she learned anything, she said she's not sure, but she tells me she got candy. Grrr. Since this is such a huge dance school, other parents must be okay with this incentive program, I started thinking perhaps my view might be wrong. So, just wondering how others feel about using sweets as an incentive (or withholding as punishment). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilma Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I really dislike sweets as incentives. Also, furthermore, I get a little grouchy about other people and/or activities giving my kids treats regularly. When they've been sugared elsewhere, I feel like I need to be more mindful of the sweets at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 In general, I don't think the occasional candy as reward is a terrible thing. Pretty sure I wouldn't have passed the bar exam without M&Ms. But... I'm not sure a dance class is the right occasion for sweets. And if I were paying for classes of any kind and my kid were most excited about the candy, I'd definitely take another look. It might still be just fine and only a once-in-a-while thing (was this her first class?). But I don't think you're making too much of it, though, if it bothers you enough to find another class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 On occasion I'm OK with it. It may be that they do this once in a while. Or maybe just with the very young classes. It might annoy me a little, but it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I really dislike food as a reward. The situation you're describing would bother me. A lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 With food allergies, it's just another opportunity for my son to be excluded. I'm so sick of the constant snacks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 The only place they routinely ply my kids with food is therapy. (OT and PT) In any other venue bribery makes me a touch stabby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I wonder if the school would be willing to have prizes other than candy, as well. Not that anybody needs more junky plastic do-dads, but at least then the kids who can't have (or don't want) candy wouldn't be left out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoundAbout Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Generally not a fan of rewards dangled out to keep kids in line, sweet or not. It's a subtle difference, but I try to distinguish between a reward and celebration. I think it's ok to celebrate a special event or accomplishment (birthday, getting an A, moving up a level in martial arts, or finishing a math book) with a special treat. But as a regular thing you get for every class just for doing what is expected. No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Well, we pulled our kid out of a "candy" public school. They gave the kids candy all day long. Tried to read? Here, pick a candy! Time to go? Pick a candy! I hated it. I don't mind my kid having sweets, but I want to be able to give it to them, not have them get their fill as a "reward" when they haven't done anything. We went to a candy church too. Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Could you buy some inexpensive "prizes" and offer them to DD instead of candy? Even if she only chooses yours over the candy half the time, it's worth it. ETA: My twins' ballet teacher gave out lollipops after each class - it didn't bother me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 If it works and makes the kids happy, I don't worry about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeLovePassion Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Well, we pulled our kid out of a "candy" public school. They gave the kids candy all day long. Tried to read? Here, pick a candy! Time to go? Pick a candy! I hated it. I don't mind my kid having sweets, but I want to be able to give it to them, not have them get their fill as a "reward" when they haven't done anything. We went to a candy church too. Ugh. We are at a candy church now, it is the one thing that bugs me. dd's will leave with 3-4 pieces of candy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 why is there food/candy for every little activity? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I think it is a horrid idea. It's an allergy parent's nightmare. Bad for teeth, bad for health. Sound like a grinch I may, but if I had my way, we'd be on the Ingalls' candy plan - just a few pieces in the Christmas stocking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 With food allergies, it's just another opportunity for my son to be excluded. I'm so sick of the constant snacks. That's exactly what I was thinking. I hope the teacher cleared the idea with the parents first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I want to know why they need a tangible reward for doing well. When I did dance classes as a kid our reward for doing well was the teachers praise and we were all happy with that. I might be ok with candy at the first class only...just a special welcome treat. However if they were doing it every week I'd be saying something. So what happens if a child doesn't ' do well'. The rest of the kids get candy and they don't? Sets up a harmful competitive enviroment then if you ask me...all competing for candy so they can be the 'kid who got candy' and not because they love to dance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 It would rub me the wrong way too. Especially in ballet. You don't need to do ballet. It's a strict discipline. If you don't do it for the love of it, then you don't really have any place there. I'm not dogmatic about rewards, but in general when they're constant and especially when they're structured from day one with tickets no less, I'm more likely to be against them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 With food allergies, it's just another opportunity for my son to be excluded. I'm so sick of the constant snacks. Yep, this was the very first reason we started looking into homeschooling in the first place. My friends with kids in preschools were always talking about the candy their kids got as incentives. There was not a single mainstream candy our son could have eaten. Not to mention that we worked hard to promote healthy eating for him given his limited options. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 You just reminded me that I need to order some rewards for our church kid program on July 4th.....erasers, cute pencils, little stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 i bribe myself with chocolate on a regular basis ;). anyone else who wants to bribe me with chocolate is encouraged to do so but not for my kids..... fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Yeah and ballet? One of the sports where to become a professional you need to be very aware of good nutrition and be underweight compared to the rest of the world? I'm sick of candy everything too. And I wish that the candy that's everywhere would be made with actual sugar and not corn syrup. eta: and not soy lecithin! I can't get away from corn and soy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I can't say I've never done it out of desperation, but I totally hate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Well get ready, because if you haven't run into it already, you will. Candy is thrown at kids, everywhere. I can't tell you all the multitudes of occasions that my kids came home with BAGS of candy. I got so sick of candy everywhere, always. Apart from the reward/incentive question, I just got so tired of all the junk. Most of the time we would toss the whole thing right in the trash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Punished by Rewards is a terrific book that explains the current research relating to incentives. Treats like this are also exclusionary for all of the kids with food allergies. Kids are not dogs to be trained with treats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ivey Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Candy at every single dance class would rub me the wrong way. Giving the kids candy after the last class of the term, or for a special occasion wouldn't bother me. Ds9 gets food/candy rewards in ABA therapy. I used to take Ds16 out for ice cream after every tutoring session. I bribed him with Starbursts (and later money) to get him to read. I understand bribing kids with candy to get them to do things that are hard or unpleasant, but shouldn't dance class be fun at that age? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I'm not always against candy, but the situation described would bother me. I did use chocolate chips for math counters at times in elementary years. Dd got to eat them when she was finished with her math, but that wasn't for every math lesson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 It would rub me the wrong way too. Especially in ballet. You don't need to do ballet. It's a strict discipline. If you don't do it for the love of it, then you don't really have any place there. Darn Skippy. In my ballet class, the reward for doing well was not getting a sharp(ish) stick in the back. Really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I dislike bribery of any kind in these types of situations but I especially dislike bribery with candy/food. Can't the kids just do well for the sake of doing well and be rewarded with a thank you for behaving? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I don't like it as an incentive but that's the world we seem to live in. In our house treats are treats not incentives or rewards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 i bribe myself with chocolate on a regular basis ;). anyone else who wants to bribe me with chocolate is encouraged to do so but not for my kids..... fwiw, ann I used to do this to encourage myself to practice piano. I had a candy dish on the piano. After gaining 5 pounds, I emptied it and removed the dish! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnIslandGirl Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 When dd took her first dance class the little girls got either a stamp on their hand or a sticker for good listening and behavior. I do think the small reward at the end helped keep some of the otherwise more active children attentive during class. Food as a reward though, I'd be inclined to offer another suggestion to the studio or teacher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 My dd's beginner class (ages 4 and 5) occasionally got stickers. I agree with the general outrage and disgust. I would ask for "clarification" and wait, smilingly to see if they are considering a change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I do not like food used for reward or punishment. For children with self esteem issues, it can set them up for an unhealthy relationship with food later. Having to have donuts at every meeting in order to reward adults for coming isn't healthy either. The view that people need to be constantly given food has completely permeated society and given the rise in health problems here related to metabolic disorders, that makes food as an incentive a very bad idea. We are the only 4H club in the county that does not provide food at meetings. We meet one Saturday per month from 9:30 to 12:30 and I'm pretty sure the students will not wilt into nothingness from the lack of cookies, candies, chips, and goldfish crackers. The other clubs have snacks at every.single.meeting. even if these meetings are only an hour long. It conditions people to believe that they must have food at every activity thus the boss has to have donuts at the meeting, candy has to be handed out to get kids to be excited about attending soccer, dance, scouts, 4H.... One year we did do an extended science day so we had kids from 1 -5 p.m. and wondered if maybe 4 hrs. might be too long for some of the kids (especially considering travel time added on to that for some non local families) due to blood sugar issues so we provided grapes, apple slices, carrot sticks, sliced cheddar, crackers, and cold water. The parents and kids were quite vocal about their disappointment in us for not picking fun food like cake, cookies, and chips. We have never done an event again with food. I can't stomach the idea that kids have been deprived if they haven't been treated with sweets for accomplishing a task. Another thing that just bugs the tar out of me is "fellowship time" at church in between the worship hour and classes. Every single Sunday platters of cookies, cakes, brownies, rice krispie treats, muffins, cinnamon rolls, sticky buns.... massive, huge amounts of this stuff and lemonade is the drink put out for the kids. Then we get them in class sugared to the hilt except the little gal with the dairy allergy who can't have any of this stuff because who knows what's in it and our student with juvenile diabetes. It's insane. Of course service time is such that al of this filling up on desserts is at 11:15 a.m. so forget getting kids to eat decent lunches. Many ofthese kids are having a cinnamon rool, three or four cookies, a brownie, and a rice krispie treat plus a couple of cups of lemonade! The parents do not supervise so it's a sugar free for all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I'm not above doling out conversation hearts for work done on bad days, but for an outside activity like dance class, that would annoy me. If it was only for the first time or for doing something really special, that wouldn't be a big deal to me at all, except that small kids will expect it just for attending every class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I am mixed. Before I had children I was very staunch that I would never use food as a reward or punishment. I had a very unhealthy relationship with food and didn't want to pass that on to my children. But then reality hit me. I figured out that everyone has a different motivation for doing things. Some kids do fine with just knowing they did well and need nothing else like outside praise, candy, stickers, etc. Some kids need to be told when they are doing a good job to keep them going. And some kids when you need them to do something they refuse to do really will do it for a treat. I see it like love languages, people respond and feel loved in different ways and the same goes for what motivates people. I would love it if my kids did things just from a basic sense of a job well done, but the reality as I see it is that that isn't how everyone works. That said my youngest has food allergies and I really hate food at any event. I wish soccer would get rid of snacks, they really don't need a full treat bag after a 40 minute game. But there are also times I do bribe him with treats. The main time is getting him to get his allergy shots each week. It is painful, but it is necessary. So each week I offer him some sort of treat, sometimes it is food other times it is a toy from the dollar store. Today my middle child's swimming teacher may try to bribe him, with my permission, with a candy bar to get him to do something he is scared to try. I don't have any idea if it will work or not but, I decided it was worth it a try. He needs to learn to swim. But I really appreciated that she came to me and asked if it would be okay. She said she normally doesn't ever do this but in DS case she is out of ideas on how to motivate him. I do try to keep food treats to a minimum and it is not my go to first thing. I only use it in very limited circumstances and i would get annoyed if it were being used liberally at an outside activity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I think it's a bad idea. I am obese and I think a lot of the reason is I think food is a happy, reward-type thing, instead of sustenance. I struggle every day with this. This is how my mind works: I am stressed out = I deserve a croissant. I did something good = I deserve an ice cream. DS did something super = I get ice cream. We finished school for the year = we go out for more ice cream. Granted, not all the ice cream is on the same day. But the mentality of reward with food is there. I know, I know--there is moderation in everything, and my struggle is more with moderation than with the reward-system. But on days where I detach consumption of food from daily life, those are different, calmer days. Those days have helped me lose 20+ pounds. But I still struggle. And I think it comes from a lifetime of seeing food as a reward. Please don't flame me and tell me I should have moderation! Of course I see nothing wrong with a family celebrating with ice cream, etc. I do try--and the OP did ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Candy church - I didn't realize there was a term for this floating around. We went to one and it drove me up.the.wall. Siblings would have full on temper tantrums when one got more than another or one class didn't win the "prize". UGH!!!! And same as the OP, my kids looked forward to going to church for the candy. Not a fan of candy incentives in settings like church or ballet class. That being said, I won't say I've never done it with my own kids, but it is rare. Last year, my ds was struggling with flashcards. For a few weeks, every time he was able to complete them in xx amount of time, he'd get a mini M&M. But, once he showed me that he could do it, the treats were not offered anymore. Sometimes, with him especially, he needs to overcome a hurdle that shows us both he can do something, and then it's smooth sailing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 No. Just...no. Nope. Absolutely not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3littles Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Not a fan. If it was a rare event, I would balance it out with conversation with my kid (and not doing this at home) and let it go. With the awareness that this may be an issue, I can't believe how many people still use food as an incentive. It just isn't a great way to go IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 My child started dance lessons today and received a ticket to exchange for candy for "doing so well." Of course, all the children did well; Of course, they all got tickets to 'pay' for candy. We do eat candy, and cakes & cookies, and all that other stuff that isn't suppose to be super healthy, however we never used them as an incentive. We just enjoy them whenever - some days we'll have cookies in the house, some days we wont. I've always believed that using sweets as an incentive or punishment can cause food issues. I don't think it can cause a problem, but can be an issue if a kid already has a food problem anyway. Personally, I'd rather my kid eat the mint or the tootsie roll than bring home a plastic trinket or a sticker that 'needs' a home. In your case, since they are issuing tickets, it seems simple enough for the kids to choose to cash those tickets in for something non-edible. I think the teachers are trying to be nice. They do it because kids LIKE it. My daughter did a gymnastics class where they all got a hand stamp at the end. It was a very effective tool for getting the kids to line up and exit quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 DS has an intolerance to food coloring, and he gets enough sweets at home. I'd be irritated. A dance class is for fun. If it's not fun enough without candy, then it's not a good fit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Food/candy as an incentive is an absolute no-no for us, because DS has problems controlling his food intake and sweets are a major trip=point, so I wouldn't want to make that any worse for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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