Bedtime: DH and yourself

[jenn-]

What time do you go to bed? Do you and your spouse make a point to go to bed at the same time most nights? What time do you get up in the morning? Do you get up in the mornings around the same time?

[Mama Geek]

We go to bed between 9 and 10.  I wake up at 5:30 usually and dh usually gets up at 6:00.  Dd stays up with us at night and then goes to bed.  She usually sleeps in until 8 or 9.

[Dana]

We go to bed together about midnight or 1.

He gets up at 7 for work. I sleep in later but try to get up about 8.

Weekends I'm up between 9 and 10 typically and he's up about 11 ish.

 

When I worked FT and had to be in the car at 7 am, I had to go to bed about 10 or 10:30 to get up at 6:30. He didn't have to be at work until 9, so he'd get up about 8:30. So he stayed up alone until about midnight-ish.

[Loowit]

We usually try to get to bed by 10 or 11, often it is later.  DH has to be out the door by a little after 7.  I usually get up between 7:30 and 8.

[Janie Grace]

We always go to bed together, sometime between 10:30-12:00. I wake up at 7:00; he sleeps til 7:30.

[Pawz4me]

I'm usually in bed by 8:30, read for an hour or so and am sound asleep by 10:00.

DH usually comes to bed around 11:00 (later on weekends).

 

I'm up between 4:30 - 5:00 during the week.  Usually no later than 5:30 on weekends.

I wake DH up at 5:50 during the week.  On weekends he sleeps in until 8:30 or 9:00.

 

So we're on pretty different schedules.  I'm a lark who likes to keep a consistent sleep/wake schedule.  He's more of an owl and will stay up later/sleep in on weekends.

[MiMi 4under3]

DH goes to bed 8:00-8:15  - he gets up 4:00-4:15.

 

I try to got to bed before midnight - I get up by 6:30 am.

[kroe1]

We do shift work that varies on a daily basis. Sleep happens for either one of us when we are fortunate enough to have the time. Rarely, do we get off work, and therefore, sleep at the same time.

[JustEm]

it all depends on the day, how tired we are, what more we want to do that night, and what is going on in the morning. Half the time we go to bed together the other half of the time one of us has more we want to do or isn't tired so we say goodnight to the one going to bed and do our own thing. I wake up when mybody wakes me up. dh wakes up because of work. Sometime its at the same time sometimes its not

[Night Elf]

We get in bed at 9:00pm to read. DH turns the lights out about 10:30pm most nights. I read my Kindle for a while longer. He wakes up at 6:45am on weekdays and I am usually up before him because the dogs wake me up wanting breakfast. On weekends, I still get up but he'll sleep until 8:00am or so. A few years ago when my insomnia started, I wasn't going to bed at the same time as him. He missed me and was the one who suggested I go to the doctor to do something about my insomnia.

[DawnM]

We normally don't go to bed at the same time.  DH goes to bed at 10pm and leaves the house at 6am, so he gets up around 5:30.

 

I go to bed around 11-12 and get up around 8.

[Chris in VA]

I go to bed around 10:30. I have to get up at 6 to get dd up to go to school (leave the house NLT 6:45).

 

He goes to bed later and often sleeps in a different room due to snoring issues. He gets up around 8 or 9.

[Ellie]

What time do you go to bed? Do you and your spouse make a point to go to bed at the same time most nights? What time do you get up in the morning? Do you get up in the mornings around the same time?

 

He usually goes to bed around 10:30. I usually go to bed after 11:30. He gets  up at o'dark hundred. I usually get up around 7:30-8.

[nukeswife]

What time do you go to bed? DH around 2030 and I am usually up until 0200

Do you and your spouse make a point to go to bed at the same time most nights? No, I'm a night owl and he has to be up too early to stay up with me. 

What time do you get up in the morning? DH gets up at 0330 and then is out the door by 0400, I get up around 0800 or so

Do you get up in the mornings around the same time? If I were to be up when DH got up it would be because I hadn't gone to sleep yet, and yes that's happened.  

[jenn-]

Thanks for the replies so far.  This all comes from an appointment from a sleep doctor.  He said I need to clean up my sleep habits and stop reading in bed.  Typically I take some melatonin around 1030, crawl into bed and either surf the web on my phone or read on my Kindle Fire.  If I am lucky I am sleepy and tired by 1130 or 12.  Then I sleep a few hours solid before tossing and turning sleeping on and off until 8.  DH on the other hand crawls into bed at 1030 (30 minutes later than he would like to be in bed) and is out in 5 minutes (if that).  He has to be up at 530 but he is a morning person.

 

The doctor recommended that since I naturally wake up around 8 that I should push my bedtime back to closer 11-12 and to take my medicine an hour before that point forcing myself to sleep for closer to 8 hours then being in bed 9.5 hours and not getting any quality sleep.  My DH is big into going to bed at the same time, but for right now I have to see if this will work.  10+ years of ongoing sleep issues is 10 years too long.

[Pawz4me]

He said I need to clean up my sleep habits and stop reading in bed.  Typically I take some melatonin around 1030, crawl into bed and either surf the web on my phone or read on my Kindle Fire.

 

FWIW -- Reading a real book or on my Kindle e-reader helps me relax and get sleepy.  Reading on my phone (with the backlighting) has the opposite effect.  If I'm on my phone reading or surfing the web before bed I have trouble getting to sleep and toss and turn all night.

[Mnemosyne]

He goes to sleep as soon as my son is asleep (9, 9:30), I go to sleep around 9:30,10). He wakes up at around 5, I wake up at 4.

[jenn-]

FWIW -- Reading a real book or on my Kindle e-reader helps me relax and get sleepy.  Reading on my phone (with the backlighting) has the opposite effect.  If I'm on my phone reading or surfing the web before bed I have trouble getting to sleep and toss and turn all night.

 

Reading before bed is a problem for me because I am a page turner.  I always have been.  You know that feeling that you will just read one more page or until the next chapter and then the next and then the next.  My next post is going to be about finding some boring books to read.  I don't think I can give up the reading but I will try reading on my standard Kindle instead of my Fire and not in bed but rather in a room with some dimmed lights.

[marbel]

We usually go to bed at the same time, between 11 and 11:30.  Occasionally I will stay up later if I have work to do.  The alarm goes off at 6:30 and I get up when he does to get my day started.  On weekends he sleeps as late as he can but I wake up by 7 naturally most of the time. 

 

I really don't feel a need to go to bed at the same time but it is a habit we've gotten into.  I think his parents made a point of it so he grew up that way, so I think he came to expect it.  It doesn't bother me because I do need more sleep so it keeps me from staying up too late too often. 

 

My son has a lot of sleep problems and all the doctors we've spoken with were adamant about turning off all electronics one hour before bedtime.   Also, no reading in bed at all, even with a book.  Bed is for sleeping only.  (Well, for the minor child.)

[bluemongoose]

DH and I go to bed at 9:30. DH has to for health reasons and cannot rest without me in bed too. This is hard for me as I am way more of a night owl, plus I feel like my time to get stuff done is cut short as I only have about 1 hour after the kids get in bed to do anything. And if I get stuff done that whole hour, I feel like I dont get time with DH. So it is a bit of conflict for us. I am trying to look at it this in a more positive light. I cannot sleep that early so I read. DH bought me a lighted kindle. I have been getting through a lot of the classics this way. So he is happy because he goes to bed at a time that is healthy for him, and I am mostly happy because I get quiet reading time.

 

He gets up at about 6:30 and exercises before work. I get up at about 7:30 or 8. It does bother him sometimes that I am still sleeping when he gets up, but he has realized that I cannot change who he is to get him to stay up later, and he cannot change who I am to get me up earlier.

[Farrar]

Since dh usually tries to finish up work and go to bed by 6 am when he can, we don't try to coordinate that.  Because that would be silly.  One person on a crazy schedule in a house is enough.

 

Midnight is my goal.  7:30 is my morning goal.  Sometimes I make these goals.

[Soror]

Sleep is a HUGE priority for me, HUGE. I've been sleep deprived off/on since #1 and especially in the last 2.5 years since my last pregnancy. I have a VERY hard falling asleep if I don't go to sleep at the same time as the baby- why I don't know I just do. Anyway, so that being said we all go to bed at the same time, which at summertime is around 9pm (it was 8pm for winter). Dh has to get up around 4:30am and I like to get up around 6 (depending on how well I sleep). I like to have time to myself in the morning and have a hard time sleeping in so it works for us.

 

I think a consistent bedtime is very important for quality sleep, although the exact time varies. From what I've read however I try to follow the natural light of the day. I'm also militant about blocking out light in our room and take magnesium before bed. When we go to bed it is lights out, no electronics, no books nothing. We do talk a bit, depending on how tired we both are, usually one of us falls asleep while talking to the other.

[Cinder]

My dh is a morning person but he also travels a lot for work. When he's home he's usually in bed by 11 and up by 7 at the latest. I'm a night owl and am usually in bed by 1 and up around 8-9. My dc are also night owls, even my 9yo. She goes to bed at 10 but doesn't fall asleep until about 12 and is up around 9. :svengo:

[ItoLina]

Well, dh has to get up for work at 4am...so we don't coordinate. ;-)

 

He usually goes to bed around 9pm, I usually go to be around 11 or 11:30pm. As I said, he waked up at 4am, and I am usually up about 7am.

[Ewe Mama]

Sheep Daddy starts snoring as soon as his head hits the pillow. He turns in early, sometime between 9 and 10. When I say snoring, I mean shake the bed, thunderstorm snoring. For some reason, he snores for a couple of hours an then he gets quiet. When he gets into the quiet sleep, I will turn off the ipad and go to sleep. I tend to read or watch a little something on Netflix, sometimes I listen to a Great Course lecture. Whatever it takes to drown him out.

 

Ram Man then gets up at about 6 in the morning. I'm up by 7 at the latest.

[Annie G]

Dh and I always go to bed at the same time- usually between 10 and 10:30 unless we're watching a movie or talking.

 

He gets up at 5, but I sleep in until 6, when I hear him get out of the shower. Then I get up and start breakfast. We always have breakfast together before he goes to work. On weekends we keep the same schedule even though he doesn't have to be at work. 

 

 

[Joyofsixreboot]

I usually go to " bed" first about 9:30-10 but dh will have been sleeping in his chair for a couple hours by then. At some point he'll come to bed. We both get up at 5 when the alarm for him to go to work goes off.

[Kelly1730]

I am usually in bed by 10 if not before. I read one chapter, if I'm lucky, and then cannot keep my eyes open any longer. If I'm having a good night, I'll sleep until 5-5:30. If I'm having sleeping issues, I'll wake up anywhere between 1 and 3 and not be able to fall back asleep. Either way, I get up by 5:30am. 

 

Dh often stays up to watch some baseball game and will come to bed anywhere between 11 and 1. He usually sleeps until 7am. The weekends don't change our schedule much. 

[Cera]

What time do you go to bed? Do you and your spouse make a point to go to bed at the same time most nights? What time do you get up in the morning? Do you get up in the mornings around the same time?

 

We both go to bed around 10.  I usually lay in bed for 20-30 minutes and then get back up once dh is asleep.

 

We both get up at 6 (including weekends).

 

My dh is big on going to bed at the same time as well.  I am a night owl and he is a morning person.  I also sleep very soundly while he tosses and turns so I need less time in bed to feel rested.  Our compromise has been that I go to bed with him and then get back up once he falls asleep.  I usually go back to bed for the night sometime around midnight.  

[kewb]

I am in bed by 10- sleeping anywhere between 10 and midnight.  I am up by 6:30 most mornings.

Dh-Up until 2-4am.  Sleeps as long as he can.  In all fairness-he is sick and insomnia is part of the disease.  Even when we were first married he was always a night owl.  He would go to bed at 1am and be up to go to work at 7.

 

I have always been a morning dove and he has always been a night owl.  

[Ravin]

Nope.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Well we have our own rooms for sleeping because we have such different sleep cycles.

 

It works for us and we can have sleepovers whenever we want.

 

We both get great sleep now.

[PeterPan]

Thanks for the replies so far.  This all comes from an appointment from a sleep doctor.  He said I need to clean up my sleep habits and stop reading in bed.  Typically I take some melatonin around 1030, crawl into bed and either surf the web on my phone or read on my Kindle Fire.  If I am lucky I am sleepy and tired by 1130 or 12.  Then I sleep a few hours solid before tossing and turning sleeping on and off until 8.  DH on the other hand crawls into bed at 1030 (30 minutes later than he would like to be in bed) and is out in 5 minutes (if that).  He has to be up at 530 but he is a morning person.

 

The doctor recommended that since I naturally wake up around 8 that I should push my bedtime back to closer 11-12 and to take my medicine an hour before that point forcing myself to sleep for closer to 8 hours then being in bed 9.5 hours and not getting any quality sleep.  My DH is big into going to bed at the same time, but for right now I have to see if this will work.  10+ years of ongoing sleep issues is 10 years too long.

The answer to your unspoken question is to, ahem, tuck your honey into bed at 10:00, since that's when he wants to go to bed, then get up, go do a very quiet night time routine with most of the lights off (including those screens!), and go to bed at 11:30 or whenever it is you would actually fall asleep.  Your doctor is totally right.  I'm just saying on the practical side, that's how you make it feel relatively bonded.  

 

Have you tried exercising, even just 5-10 minutes say on a treadmill or elliptical, at a variety of times of day, to see what would happen?  For a long time, the exercise would make me tired, meaning I could exercise a bit and be more able to sleep.  I will also take off my glasses and read that way, meaning I sort of give myself a headache and eye fatigue.  Screen lights definitely keep me awake.  I'd never get to sleep if I had wifi and could surf in bed, mercy.  You can turn down the backlight on your screens to help, but basically you need to wind down your brain, not rev it up.  I still use my screen, but I read an e-Bible (Olive Tree app, highly recommend) and then play REALLY BORING games on the iPad.  My preferred for some time has been Spider Solitaire.  I used to do Fish Farm.  It just takes me a while to wind down, quite a while.  I can't read, or I'll get sucked in and not fall asleep.  I can't watch movies, or I get sucked in.  Screen time keeps me awake too.  That's why I have my little routine that is later, once everyone else is tucked in.  I turn the light totally down on the iPad and I keep a pile of heavy blankets on my side of the bed for good sensory.  

 

Hope you get your sleep issues straightened out.  :)

[Carrie12345]

Dh has an unpredictable schedule, so there isn't much point in making a point of anything.

I was going to say I usually go to bed around 10, but here it is 11... lol.

When his schedule was slightly more predictable, he used to get up around 5 and I would sleep through until 8 or 9ish.  Now he gets up at all sorts of different times (between 4 and 8/9) while my body has reset to 6ish for some cruel, cruel reason!

 

[Lady Florida.]

We go to bed around 11 - 11:30 (then why am I still on WTM LOL). We do try to go to bed at the same time, though if one of us is having trouble falling asleep, that one will get up so the tossing and turning doesn't keep the other awake. Dh gets up at 6 and I usually get up at 8. Some days I get really wild and don't set my alarm. :D On those days I tend to wake up naturally around 9:00. Back in my working days, I used to get up about a half hour before him. 

[Lady Florida.]

Reading before bed is a problem for me because I am a page turner.  I always have been.  You know that feeling that you will just read one more page or until the next chapter and then the next and then the next.  My next post is going to be about finding some boring books to read.  I don't think I can give up the reading but I will try reading on my standard Kindle instead of my Fire and not in bed but rather in a room with some dimmed lights.

 

I have trouble falling asleep if I didn't read at least a little bit in bed. I understand the page turner thing and have been there, so I usually choose a book I'm enjoying but not one that I'll get so engrossed in I can't put it down. Also, I decide how much I'll read before I start my bedtime reading. Often it's just one chapter; two if they're really short. 

[Excelsior! Academy]

We always go to bed at the same time.  Always.  Usually it is around 11pm.  Dh has to be at work by 8, but often takes dd to work around 7.  Because of that he is up much earlier than me.  I often don't get out of bed until 8.

[Guest]

DH drops off at around 10pm. I'm still up now at almost 12am. I cannot go to sleep before then or I won't stay asleep. We do go to our room together, though after putting kids to bed.

 

DH and younger kids are morning birds. Older 2 and I are night owls. 

 

He gets up at 6am and I usually get up around 8-9. 

[Ivey]

Dh sleeps from around 11pm to 5:30am, and I sleep from about 12:30am to 7:30am. Ds4, our third roommate, sleeps from 9:30pm to around 8am, so Dh and I both slip in and out of the bedroom without turning any lights on. It's not ideal, but it works for us.

[Tap]

Dh and I don't sleep in the same room or at the same time.  I go to bed much later than he does. 

[Snow]

Dh is usually up until 11 and gets up a bit before 6. I'm a night owl who would stay up quite late but with young ones who are early birds, I've been trying to be more disciplined.

[Colleen]

What time do you go to bed?

 

No earlier than midnight.  Generally in the 1 am range.

 

Do you and your spouse make a point to go to bed at the same time most nights?

 

No, definitely not.  My favorite time of day (night) is when everyone else is asleep or away.  I can't stand the idea of going to bed at the same time as anyone/everyone else.

 

What time do you get up in the morning? 

 

At this time of year, I naturally wake up around 5 am.  Winter, I more often need an alarm but I'm up by 7 am at the latest.

 

Do you get up in the mornings around the same time?

 

Sort of, but not intentionally.

[nd293]

No, definitely not. My favorite time of day (night) is when everyone else is asleep or away. I can't stand the idea of going to bed at the same time as anyone/everyone else.No, definitely not. My favorite time of day (night) is when everyone else is asleep or away. I can't stand the idea of going to bed at the same time as anyone/everyone else.

 

 

That's exactly how I feel!

 

Dh is usually in bed between 8:30 and 9pm, and awake at about 4:30 to run and then get the train to work early so he's home early to spend time with the kids (and also miss the public transport rush hour).

 

I am up until at least 11pm: this is the time that saves marriage and sanity. I get up at 6:30am in theory, but usually I immediately reset the alarm

 

Friday and Saturday routines are more variable.

[Camelfeet]

11-midnight bed, 8-8:30 wake up.  We always go to bed together.

[Melissa in Australia]

DH and I go to bed at the same time around 50% of the time. the other 50% I go to bed before him. I don't watch TV- he does so if he is watching a movie he goes to bed when it has finished. I study most evenings ( bachelors) and go to bed at around 10.30 -11 pm. I usually fall asleep within 2 minutes of hitting the pillow and wake up whenever Dh comes to bed. I get up around 6 am, Dh gets up sometime between 7.30- 8.30 am

[Hoot]

We are not even remotely on the same schedule. I'm in bed by 8pm on a work night and up by 4am. In the summer I'm up until about 9ish and up between 5 & 6. DH is in bed by 9:30 most nights but he stays up watching TV until 11 or 12. On work days he's up, grudgingly, by 7am but he will gladly sleep until 10 or later when he can.

 

We actually don't even sleep in the same room most of the time, so we each keep to our own schedules and it doesn't bother the other.

[Lolly]

Dh and I usually get in bed between 8 and 9. Usually together. We tend to go to sleep between 9 and 10. The kids stay up until who knows when. Dh gets up at 5. I get up whenever I get up. That varies between 4 and 9. Yes, I can sleep 12 hours or more at a time...Or wake up super early and not be able to get back to sleep and take a really early nap that seems to everyone is actually just sleeping in. 

[Annie G]

Thanks for the replies so far.  This all comes from an appointment from a sleep doctor.  He said I need to clean up my sleep habits and stop reading in bed.  Typically I take some melatonin around 1030, crawl into bed and either surf the web on my phone or read on my Kindle Fire.  If I am lucky I am sleepy and tired by 1130 or 12.  Then I sleep a few hours solid before tossing and turning sleeping on and off until 8.  DH on the other hand crawls into bed at 1030 (30 minutes later than he would like to be in bed) and is out in 5 minutes (if that).  He has to be up at 530 but he is a morning person.

 

The doctor recommended that since I naturally wake up around 8 that I should push my bedtime back to closer 11-12 and to take my medicine an hour before that point forcing myself to sleep for closer to 8 hours then being in bed 9.5 hours and not getting any quality sleep.  My DH is big into going to bed at the same time, but for right now I have to see if this will work.  10+ years of ongoing sleep issues is 10 years too long.

 

I'm not seeing where his advice is that much off from what you're doing now, except he says to eliminate reading and screens in bed. And I agree with that.   

 

The problem seems to be that you have developed a habit of needing screens to help you fall asleep, and that's more difficult to fix than just not reading in bed. Because if you've developed the 'need' to use screens to get you to fall asleep, without screens you might just lie there in bed for hours. 

 

Are there any monotonous chores that you can do after dh goes to bed- quiet, boring things that will give you time to unwind and get your brain to slow down? Folding laundry, cleaning a bathroom, mopping a kitchen floor? I used those kinds of things to get me off watching tv in bed to help me fall asleep and it changed me from a midnight-8 am just ok sleeper to a 10-6 great sleeper.  I no longer need to do chores late at night, and I don't have the dependency on screens or books.    

[jenn-]

Thanks everyone for your responses.  I am glad to see that there are those that do and those that do not go to bed and rise with their spouse.

 

The answer to your unspoken question is to, ahem, tuck your honey into bed at 10:00, since that's when he wants to go to bed, then get up, go do a very quiet night time routine with most of the lights off (including those screens!), and go to bed at 11:30 or whenever it is you would actually fall asleep.  Your doctor is totally right.  I'm just saying on the practical side, that's how you make it feel relatively bonded.  

 

Have you tried exercising, even just 5-10 minutes say on a treadmill or elliptical, at a variety of times of day, to see what would happen?  For a long time, the exercise would make me tired, meaning I could exercise a bit and be more able to sleep.  I will also take off my glasses and read that way, meaning I sort of give myself a headache and eye fatigue.  Screen lights definitely keep me awake.  I'd never get to sleep if I had wifi and could surf in bed, mercy.  You can turn down the backlight on your screens to help, but basically you need to wind down your brain, not rev it up.  I still use my screen, but I read an e-Bible (Olive Tree app, highly recommend) and then play REALLY BORING games on the iPad.  My preferred for some time has been Spider Solitaire.  I used to do Fish Farm.  It just takes me a while to wind down, quite a while.  I can't read, or I'll get sucked in and not fall asleep.  I can't watch movies, or I get sucked in.  Screen time keeps me awake too.  That's why I have my little routine that is later, once everyone else is tucked in.  I turn the light totally down on the iPad and I keep a pile of heavy blankets on my side of the bed for good sensory.  

 

Hope you get your sleep issues straightened out.   :)

 

Several have suggested tucking in DH and crawling out of bed, I just don't think I could realistically get myself back up.  Once I am in bed, I want to stay there. 

 

Last night I tried sitting in the living room with the lights dimmed and watch one of "my" TV shows hoping that the 45 minute episode would be a good length for the new medicine to kick in.  I ended up turning off the TV after the show (feeling no more sleepy then when it started) and crocheting a bit.  I think tonight I will just work on a really easy baby blanket that I am dragging out since I don't have to think about the pattern.

I had to giggle at the suggestion of reading without my glasses.  With a -9.25 script, I would have to read on my Kindle Fire set on the largest font size and still hold it up to my nose to see it.  The idea of functioning without my corrective lenses has been a foreign concept to me since jr. high.  I did take my contacts out and put my glasses on which does strain my eyes a little bit.  I think between dimming the lights, wearing my glasses, and crocheting my eyes should start to get tired quickly.

[applethyme]

We both go to bed between 9:30 and 10.  We we watch the 10 o'clock news and then DH goes to sleep.  Sometimes I watch a little more tv or read.  I'm usually asleep by about 11 and get up between 7 and 8.  Dh is up between 4:30 and 5:30am.