EmilyGF Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 would you keep on homeschooling? I can see pros and cons. B&M school would provide free babysitting (they don't let kids into the NICU!) and consistency for big kids, but it would also introduce new germs. Homeschooling would give year-to-year consistency but then I'd need to figure out what to do with the biggers (2, 6, 7, 9) whenever we had to go to the doctor or hospital, which could be multiple times per week. Thankfully, we live about a mile from the hospital. What would you do? No grandparents or relatives nearby. We've had a ton of help from friends so far, but I feel bad taking them for granted. I might be able to swing a sitter one or two mornings a week, but it would be expensive. No private schools that we would consider are still taking applications. Our neighborhood school isn't great academically, but is safe and would provide a neat life experience for our kids because of its makeup. Emily Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 It would so much depend. How much care will the baby need on a daily/hourly basis? I did homeschool when youngest dd came home. SHe was in and out of the hospital 5 times and other dd was only 14 months old when she was born but I only had then 8ds home and he had special needs so his homeschooling wasn't as intense. The hardest one might be your 2 year old. Are there any good preschools/day care centers that could be attended as needed or just a few days a week for a few hours a day? If they are 3 by fall they might qualify for head start or other free/low cost option just due to having a sibling with many medical needs. The germs could be a concern---either from school or taking multiple kids into a hospital setting. Would the olders thrive in a school environment or not? Sorry I have more questions than answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I agree - it would depend entirely on the particulars of the situation. For example, if we're talking about a micropremie with a very lengthy nicu stay of three or more months, and/or a very sick baby with conditions that will require ongoing care for the foreseeable future, that's different from an older premie who's not so sick, where the NICU stay is shorter and the logistical difficulties of a more temporary nature, for which one would merely press the homeschooling "pause" button for a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julie4 Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Depends so much on the specifics. I had a baby in nicu for 50 days, but by the time he came home he was fairly healthy. He did have quite a few dr. appointments & specialist follow-ups, but I had family nearby to watch my others. When we were home schooling wouldnt have been an issue. Actually I think when he was 1 & 2 it was harder to school than when was an infant. But my main concern would be do you have reliable babysitters for all those appointments? Will your baby have special needs and medical care required of you once he comes home nicu? Mine didn't have any, so I wore him in a moby wrap like my others. Germs coming home from school would be an issue to consider too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyGF Posted May 1, 2014 Author Share Posted May 1, 2014 We're talking very sick baby with conditions that could require care for the foreseeable future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Homeschooling would give year-to-year consistency but then I'd need to figure out what to do with the biggers (2, 6, 7, 9) whenever we had to go to the doctor or hospital, which could be multiple times per week. Thankfully, we live about a mile from the hospital. If you put the kids in school, you would still need to find someone to take care of the two year old when you are in NICU. Also what if you are stuck at NICU and it is school dismissal time? Do you have friends who could fetch them from school and babysit them until you are back from NICU? Does the NICU has a waiting area? Could your 9 year old babysit the 2 year old while the 6 and 7 year old take care of themselves in the waiting area? What my younger had many medical/dental visits, we pack a textbook and a workbook each into their backpacks and let them do schoolwork in the waiting area. A decent amount of work could be done in 2hrs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8filltheheart Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 We're talking very sick baby with conditions that could require care for the foreseeable future. First, Is this for you? I had no idea you were facing this. I am so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I have a friend whose baby ended up needing a liver transplant and had other complications and has multiple long term issues. His care was very intensive. She did homeschool all the way through, but her dh worked at home and a couple of her kids were older. (She occasionally posts on this forum. Her ds is now 14. I will try to send her a message and point out this thread to her.) As far as school vs. homeschool, which would stress you less? For me, school would be a stresser. Having to keep up with the school's schedule in times of crisis would be over the top for me. But, that is me. The idea of my 2 yr old being day care would be more than I could cope with on top of a sick baby. Off the top of my head, I would recommend foregoing traditional approach. I would have my kids read a lot. For non-readers, I would do a lot of audibles. I would only do the 3Rs with the younger 2. I would use a math program that easy implement and only takes a short period of time (something like Horizons) I would focus on copywork vs formal writing. I would see if I could hire a homeschooled teen for afternoons. Every afternoon while the 2 yr old naps. I would use that time as time to do whatever I needed to. Could she hold the baby/take care of the baby while I spent time with the older kids? Cleaned the house? Babysit while I took the baby to appts? By waiting until afternoon, the likelihood of finding someone who has finsihed most of their work is higher. Teens that have a constant job babysitting, especially if some of the time is more mother's helper vs. actually sole responsibility, don't expect as much pay. I just asked my 15 yod how much she would charge for 2-3 hrs per afternoon 5x per week in the above scenario and she said she would do it for $50-75/wk. I'm sure there are other teenage girls that would be willing to do something similar. The advantage to that scenarios is that if they were sick, they would know not to come over. You might even be able to find a pair of girls that might be willing to alternate MWF/TH weeks and that way you would have a back up in case something happened. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WahM Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Is there any way to schedule most appointments when your SO would be home to care for the other kids. I have two special needs kids and understand the stress and busy schedule, but it can work out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 For me, one factor would be how much time DH would be taking off from work. If, for example, he could take a month off via FMLA and then shift to a schedule of, say, 11 AM - 7 PM, the childcare factor would be very different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 ---- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Big hugs to you! I'm the line dissenter here, but I would put them in school and figure out something for the 2 year old for appointments. The stress of worrying about my kids education would be too much for me. That's me though, I'm anxious and neurotic. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathkath Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 One concern is bm school = more germs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Like the others said, I think that depends upon the details of the situation (such as how much hands-on, intensive, take-me-away-from-the-7-year-old are we talking about, can you hire a mom's helper or tutor or other type of help). I think I would *try* to homeschool, but with a adjustments, such as foregoing anything too intensive for at least the first year, making independent reading of quality literature the centerpiece of school, hiring out a tutor for time-intensive subjects, and so on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I'm no help for short term issues (NICU), but am thinking more about long term. My special needs kid is my oldest and she has been in public school since kindergarten (and early intervention/early childhood special education preschools before that). Her care is not a burden (ie our life is still happy), but it does take a lot of time. I've often thought that I would not be able to home school her sisters if I had her at home all day. I just wouldn't have enough time. Now, you might be able to make a conscious decision to keep schooling light for the next year and put off this decision until you have more of an idea what life will be like. You may find it easier to make it to doctor's appointments if you don't have to also worry about getting your other kids to or from school (almost all of dd's appointments are with out-of-town specialists, so I have to factor in 1-2 hour drives both ways). My younger two have lots of experience bringing schoolwork or a book along and waiting patiently during appointments. But they're always with me, not in a waiting room, and that just may not be possible with more kids. It may also be best to put them in school. Don't feel guilty if you have to go this way--do what is going to work for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamatohaleybug Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 My very sick baby was my oldest (and ended up being my only) so I can't advise on what to do with the other children. If you are asking these questions for you, I offer my concern and support. Please PM me if I can help in any way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SebastianCat Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I would also consider how much work your 9 year old could do independently, and how well the children work together. The 9 year old would be the only child whose *education* would come into play in making that decision - if this child was able to do some work independently, it might make it easier to continue homeschooling. In that case, the 6 & 7 year olds would be fine with a light year of homeschooling and lots of reading and/or audio books. If the 9 year old needed lots of help from mom or the relationship between the older kids consisted of more bickering than cooperating, I would consider school for a year until you had a better grip on the baby's needs. Putting children in school would be a year-by-year decision or even semester-by-semester decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 My first was a preemie and then came home a stable but fragile baby. Honestly, I would put the kids in school and figure out something for the 2 year old. Things can be reassessed at any time, but I would want the routine and the stability of school etc for the kids. If the baby is going to be needing care for the foreseeable future there is going to be a huge learning curve when the baby gets home. Having at least some of the kids gone during the day will buy breathing space to just focus on the care of the little one. This is a 5th child in the home. In any home a 5th child will have to learn patience. Mom and dad will sometimes have to let baby cry while the needs of an older child are attended to. But a sick baby will need so much more. By having the older kids in school there will be more time for a few hours a day at least to focus on the baby. Even if the 2 year old is there, it means more time to spend with both little ones. As for germs, the kids won't bring in anything worse than what is in the hospital. My baby came home from the NICU with an eye infection and a mild cold. I watched the eye infection spread through the babies in that room. It is unlikely that a 'very sick baby' won't end up be readmitted to the hospital at some point. But if the baby isn't strong enough to deal with regular household germs then they shouldn't allow the baby out of the hospital to begin with. But, really the worst germs are in the hospital. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Public school was NEVER free babysitting for me. It was the BIGGEST stressor in my life, and I had to arrange my entire life around their schedule. Public school was not free; they requires a host of expensive things, even demanding that my children bring food for holiday food baskets, never considering that we might be suffering from food scarcity. My son was actually punished for not bringing food. Academics–let's not even go there. Differences in parenting styles. Just outright stupidity. Lice. My sister said she would NEVER homeschool, but the kindergarten sex education program was such a knee jerk reaction she just pulled her little boy, she was so shocked. Children taken to the nurse, lined up in their underwear, and examined without parent permission. There will be things that go on, that you cannot imagine. And scheduling being back to meet the school bus is worse than just needing to find a babysitter. The public school will be expecting you to still teach your children, but to teach what they want you to and on their timetable. You will not be able to keep up with the reports and projects and homework. it could be worse than what doesn't get done homeschooling, because you will have no control, or ability to triage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 One other thing I hadn't thought of - have you approached those other private schools that aren't taking applications and asked if there are any last-minute openings and explain your situation? They may be able to offer something that will help; you just never know until you ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ameena Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I'd keep homeschooling. Pick something like Sonlight, where you can combine the 3 olders into a single program. Sonlight also travels well. I would talk with a support counselor / whatever they are called at the Nicu ahead of time if you can - there may be access to a hospital play room where you could drop the kiddos while you are at the nicu /appointments / etc. I'd be frank with them & say you are a homeschooling mom & looking at a long haul with this youngest & you need help. You might be able to get respite to come in to help care for the new baby while you take a break / work with the olders / etc. Let the 2yo play while doing school. I might consider some type of a Mom's Day Out program for the 2yo, or a small church daycare. Or see if there is another local HS mom willing to take him at times. I would NOT put them in public school. Germs, school issues, etc - it's just not worth it for all the reasons mentioned above. Plus here at least PS isn't free really. There is mandatory field trip $$, book $$, uniforms, fees, fundraisers, etc - I pay less to homeschool than my friend does for her son in the same grade PS. Plus dealing with all the stress of buses, tardys, Parent teacher meetings, etc - it's just not worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Tbh, if this were our family, we would almost certainly have one of the grandmothers move in with us for a while. We'd either need the assistance with homeschooling, or we'd need someone to help with homework/meet the bus. Is there any way that would be a possibility for you at all? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrips Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 If it weren't for the fact that you would have to keep going to the doctors and hospital all the time with the kids, I would have said homeschool. To reduce the germs brought in. But the biggers will pick up plenty of germs at those places. Therefore, homeschooling does not provide a benefit in that respect. So if you think you would be better off caring for the baby without the stress of having the others around all day, and without the stress of being responsible for their school, then I'd put them in school. I would focus on having some kind of protocol when the kids come home; any kind of mudroom area? I'd have the kids strip and wash and put on clean clothes each time they came home. Other adults too. That was pretty much what a lot of preemie multiples moms put in place to protect them from RSV. Praying your baby's health improves. A hard thing to go through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 :grouphug: to you as you deal with this situation. I think the germs that would be brought home from school might be a deal breaker for me. I think I would try to do very laid back school until things are more settled. Lots of read alouds, audiobooks if you're in the car, etc. But if you need to put them in school, then give it a shot. You could always take them back out if necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hjffkj Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Is there anyway you could hire someone to school them at your home. Maybe not 5 days a week or anything but something where you are not in charge of that aspect of life and can schedule appointments around when they are already at your house? My mom hired someone to home school one of my brothers for a year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 When does school get out in your area? Just wondering how much time you are getting. Here school is out in three weeks. That would not be worth it. I think 6 -8 weeks could be. Just wish you were nearby so we could help you help out. Do not discount the kindness of others. If people say they are happy to help let them. It is such a blessing to help others when you are a busy mom and can not volunteer a ton in a formal setting. Best of luck and lots,of prayers for you and your sweet baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warneral Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 hugs and prayers for you! I'm really not sure what I would do, but I think that sometimes we have to make choices that may not seem ideal, but life isn't always ideal! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy the Valiant Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Our 4th baby was very sick, for a long time. :( We explained to our olders that we were going to have to ask them to do things that they hadn't done before, and that flexibility was going to have to be the mantra for the year. They did sit in the hallway with workbooks more than once, and they learned to help the baby sibling with things I did not think they could have learned. They love him dearly, and (I think) are gentler people because of the difficult days. DH and I did discuss the school option, but ultimately decided that our home schooling to that point had made us a "team," and that if at all possible, we would weather the storm together. It helped that we were starting out in a strong educational position, so we figured that even a rough / missing / gap-ish year at home likely wouldn't put the elementary kids too far behind. I felt that we DID gain a "germ advantage," because the doctors our child saw were primarily specialists (and not contagiously-sick children, and also not in a general-public hospital). No idea what would work best for your family - we did not have a 2yo at the time - just throwing out there one family's story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8filltheheart Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Katie's approach is the way our family functions as well. Our older kids are a huge help with 2 yr olds. A 9 yr old could monitor the baby in an easy access to mom situation while mom grabbed a quick shower. Academics would be the lowest concern I would have. Managing the drs appts would be very difficult, though, especially if the 2 yr old is busy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In2why Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 We faced a similar situation last year. My husband who had always been healthy developed a virus that attacked his heart. He went from healthy to having an ejection fraction of 8%, taken immediately to ICU and had numerous doctors discussing transplant, LVADs, and even hospice care. I emotionally was a wreck. My husband emotionally and physically was a wreck, and our children were scared and confused. We had the last month of the summer to emotionally process everything and make a best case and worse case scenario. Best case meant hospital rehabilitation 3 times a week, and medications with varying side effects. Worst case meant even more time, energy, and perhaps death. We decided that for our family and our kids, they needed some normal, and our time and energy needed to be spent on his health. If the medications and rehab hadn't worked and we had to go with hospice we would have brought them home and put school on hold completely and just loved each other. It was an excellent decision for our kids, our family, and me. I will admit it i had enough on my plate. Some days I didn't know if I could hold myself together much less the kids. They had a good year at school, and I brought the youngest 10, back home this year, and we decided that for our high schooler public school was working out well. We are blessed that we have good schools though and that made the decision easier. For the kids going to school allowed them a break from the constant stress and tension and they found joyful moments. For us it allowed us to concentrate on our life at that moment. When we were together we were fully together. It was a good decision. Luckily my husband is fine now. He will need medication for the rest of his life, but his life expectancy is almost normal. B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Splash Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 A little different but Aug 25, 2012 our 11 yr daughter was admitted to the PICU for what turned out to be 35 days and was diagnosed with a chronic potentially life threatening disease that will require treatments and being closely followed for the rest of her life. My other kids were older at time 17, 14, 13 and 6. I lived at hospital with her for the entire time and wasn't allowed to leave her. (not that I wanted to) Dh went home and friends and family helped out. Now we go every 14 days to out patient center for about 5 hours total and then see other specialists every month or so. I take two younger with me sometimes and nurses are great at finding them a space to sit and read or do some work while waiting for the IV specialist to leave so there is room for them in the room. I don't know if kids are allowed in the NICU, because of the severity of dd's condition they let all my kids come in and visit any time plus they knew they needed to see me. That first year we really did the three R's and not much else. Once home we still went to doctors and hospital a lot. In 2013 we had 126 doctors appointments and drove 6307 miles. Through it all we just tried to keep things the same for the kids. Oldest is the one who had the hardest time, He was my only child in public school and really found it hard to be there and focus with all that was going on at the time. I really debated whether or not we should send them to school but decided that it would just be an added stress for them and me to keep up with someone else's schedule. I appreciated the flexibility to take a day off it we needed it. My older kids had to help out a lot and do things that I normally took care of but we made it through. I did finally put the kids in outside classes that would give them some accountability to someone other than me since managing everything was wearing me out and high school is pretty important. It is a nice balance for us. Two days school three days home. I try to schedule as many appointments on the two days they are busy at class. We've been known to go from outpatient center to neuro to GI all in one day. Once in a while I wonder if it would have been better if I'd sent them to school but overall I'm glad we made it through and found a balance that works. Only you know if it will easier on you to have them home or at school but for us staying home worked best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabah Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 My oldest is currently in PS, so that colors my perspective, but as the Mom of a kid with a chronic illness who was a sick infant, I have to say that I was grateful to have school and at that time it was mostly preK and day care available for my other kids. Caring for my sick baby was an absolutely around the clock and sometimes life or death matter that it left very little of me available physically, emotionally, for the other kids. Having care for the other kids during the day allowed me to focus on the sick child and then during the hours the others were home I made that extra effort to be there for them and returned to sick care after bedtime. Even now, when he isn't acutely ill, we might have 8-12 medical appointments in a busier month, not counting those last minute sick kid visits, and each one can easily take 2-3 hours just in the office. Specialists here often only see patients with a specific condition 1 day per week and sometimes as little as 2 half-days per month meaning appointments are hard to get and there is really no flexibility on their end. I do take all the kids during school breaks or if its my oldest who needs to see a specialist and I think the hardest part is needing but not being able to focus on my conversation with the Drs. My 2 and 4 year olds are climbers/jumpers and after 2-3 hours in a small room they are usually no longer on their best behavior. Keeping an eye on them so I can discuss symptoms, treatment, test results, etc. is just a million times harder with everyone in the room. So, if there is any other option, I would consider it. We don't have other family and friends are great but can only do so much. If you aren't opposed to a short-term use of school, then it might be a good temporary solution for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyGF Posted May 2, 2014 Author Share Posted May 2, 2014 Thanks for the ideas. I really appreciate the BTDT accounts. I realize I still have a few months to figure this all out, since the school year doesn't even start until September, but having one less thing on my plate to consider is useful. I'm OK with this year not being a big year for academics. My kids are ahead (and I'm going to get the youngest reading fluently before the baby comes, Lord willing), so sending them to public school would not be because I was fearful of academic lapse. To be more specific, baby won't be getting better. Baby will be chronically ill and likely die quite young. This will be our life, whether for a few weeks this summer or for a few years. We don't know. One positive is that the best hospital within a few hours drive is a five minute bike ride from our house, so at least we won't be driving all over the state! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 :grouphug: Oh, I am so sorry! In that situation, I think I'd keep the kids home. You are going to need each other. Keep academics on the back burner, and focus on weathering the storm as a family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 (((((Emily))))) I would keep the kids at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 I'm sorry - this must be a very hard situation to handle. Can you have a grandmother in house for a few months? Could you hire an au pair? Do you think it would be easier for YOU if you were all home, or if the kids were in school? I agree that speaking with private schools you like about your special situation wouldn't hurt. They can only say it doesn't work, and you wouldn't be any worse off than you are not asking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ameena Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 :grouphug: Oh, I am so sorry! In that situation, I think I'd keep the kids home. You are going to need each other. Keep academics on the back burner, and focus on weathering the storm as a family. Agreed. Plus keeping them home will let them bond / make memories with this new baby. *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8filltheheart Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Emily, I am so sorry. I will be praying for you. Life is so much more than school. Cocoon your family. Thrive in the individual minutes. Surround yourself with music and images that bring you comfort and peace. If you are a Christian, I would suggest finding a spiritual advisor that can work with your family, especially your older children,to prepare them for what is to come. A strong advisor could really help your children understand how to embrace this baby and all his or her unique needs as a blessing in their lives without feeling being overwhelmed by devastation and depression by the roller coaster of multiple health crises. I wish we lived closer bc we would be more than happy to help you. As someone up thread said, if you have people offering to help, accept their offers. They are probably being very sincere in wanting to reach out to you and your family. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 I am sorry you are dealing with all this. It can't be an easy decision to make either way. I would do whatever you need to do. If that ends up being in a brick and mortar, so be it, they can always come home when things are better. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Oh Emily :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 I'm so sorry. (((HUGS))) In that situation, I would keep the children home. Even if academics didn't happen (or looked very different from our visions), I would want my children to have the time with the baby for as long as they could. You'll still have to make arrangements for the 2yo for hospital visits and such anyway, and if you can't find a friend/teen/grandparent to help with the 2yo, if you're homeschooling, at least your 9yo could keep an eye on the 2yo in a waiting room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insertcreativenamehere Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 It's a hard call. We brought home DS#3 in July 2012 after 3 months in the NICU. He came home with complex medical issues (trach, g-tube, feeding intolerance, frequent severe illnesses) as well as 16 hours a day of home nursing care. And even though I was not involved in his care 24x7, I still spent a lot of time coordinating doctor appointments, keeping up on medications, researching new treatments, etc. DS1 and DS2 were in school (grades K and 2) and DD was home (age 3). It was overwhelming at first even with two in school. DS3 went on to spend 180 of his first 18 months in the hospital. This was very difficult on us as a family. DS2 (age 6) responded by developing signs of depression and anxiety brought on by all of the stress in our family, even to the point of wanting to die himself. I brought him home after the first month of first grade. It hasn't been easy because DS3 is still medically quite complex, but it has been a good move for DS2. He is much happier and needed the stability of being home. As an added bonus, we have all been much healthier this winter than last and I believe it's because fewer germs are being brought into our house. DS1 thrives in school but DS2 is happier at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 As crazy as homelife is you can schedule how it best suits you. I wouldn't want to factor in the school schedule, activities, snacks, fund raising, hours, homework, parents night, playdates, band... And then you would still have the 2 year old home without help from the others. And the first year I worked in an elementary school I was sick the whole winter. It was one bug after another. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 :grouphug: Personally, I would want the kids home and wouldn't worry about school for a year. Have lots of books on hand and just live life together as a family. Try to find someone you can hire to watch the kids while you go to appointments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warneral Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Oh my heart goes out to you! I pray that God will guide you in your decision. It is so helpful to have these mamas here to share their ideas and experiences. I think if it were me, I would keep my kiddos home but be open to re-evaluate whether it is working for each kiddo (and you!) as you go along. I would allow my friends to help in any way they can. It sounds like you are a Christian, and I truly believe that a church family is called to help those during struggles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Hugs. What a situation. I would keep them home. One of the good things about having a safe ps down the road is that you can change your mind at a moments notice. I would personally tell the kids that things are going to change, you are going to ask more of them, and it's possible you'll ask them to go to school. But I wouldn't send them unless you find you need to. Holding you in the light. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kfamily Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 I wouldn't send them to P.S. My biggest concern would be the germs. The older child will feel horrible for getting the baby sick and you can't afford a week off to nurse an illness. Also as PP's said, if your time is limited then spend it together. Older DC can do online schooling, or the bare minimum, some reading, a little writing, math. If the day is bad then they can play games and be together. Give yourself time to adjust. This is what I would do if everything but the baby was in the perfect condition. But older children fight and toddlers cry and want Mommy's lap. You can get sick from going to the grocery store. You have to assess your own situation. Can the toddler go to Pre-K or a Daycare a few days a week? Is there someone from your church/HS group that can help a couple days a week? Will your children suffer emotionally from going to P.S.? I wouldn't concern myself with academics for the first year just their emotional health. If you send them can you pull them out at mid-year if there are problems? If you don't send them can you change your mind mid year and pack them off? After considering all the variables go with what your heart tells you is the best choice, knowing that you can change your mind if it doesn't work out. Sometimes we get so caught up in the care and keeping of our families that the joy and awesomeness have having these little bits of ourselves running around gets lost. So, revel in this child's beauty each and every day, no matter how long s/he is with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmeblue Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 I don't have any advice, but I couldn't read without posting how sorry I am that you are in a position where you even have to ask these questions. My prayers are with your family. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratia271 Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Thanks for the ideas. I really appreciate the BTDT accounts. I realize I still have a few months to figure this all out, since the school year doesn't even start until September, but having one less thing on my plate to consider is useful. I'm OK with this year not being a big year for academics. My kids are ahead (and I'm going to get the youngest reading fluently before the baby comes, Lord willing), so sending them to public school would not be because I was fearful of academic lapse. To be more specific, baby won't be getting better. Baby will be chronically ill and likely die quite young. This will be our life, whether for a few weeks this summer or for a few years. We don't know. One positive is that the best hospital within a few hours drive is a five minute bike ride from our house, so at least we won't be driving all over the state! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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