I need a name :)

[PuddleJumper1]

What do your young adult children's SO call you? My son has a wonderful young lady in his life that he met at college so we've not had an opportunity to meet her. Yesterday I went to pick ds up for Spring Break and unexpectedly met her (side trail - he was going to stay on campus but got pretty sick so he's home for some R&R to hopefully be able to finish the semester - which is why the meeting was unexpected) She's as sweet as we imagined.  But I digress. So I got to thinking last night - what in world should she call me and dh? We kind of brushed past that yesterday.

 

I was raised to call all my elders Mr/Mrs Lastname but here in the south that is not the norm casually. Hence I've never been Mrs. Lastname although I have no objection to it. I've just never been called that other than by business people. It seems too formal to me somehow. Here in the south everyone is Ms. SoandSo to children but that seems ridiculous to me in this situation (and many others but that's a different thread) - she's a young adult. So what is the norm here - Mrs. Lastname? Mrs. Last intial? My first name only? :confused:  Hmm - the things I never realized I'd think about with adult children :laugh:

 

 

 

 

[trinchick]

I've been married to DH for 15 years now and I've just started calling my MIL by her first name. We met in college, and she's been Mrs. Lastname to me for the past 20 years. A couple of years ago it started to feel weird, so I stopped referring to her by name at all, except as "go tell Grandma" or "ask your mother". Finally I've decided to just call her Kathy. The first few times it felt so weird... but now it feels pretty natural.

 

So anyhow, long way of saying, I think you should start as you mean to go on. If your DS's other friends call you by first name, then that's what the girlfriend should do as well.

[JustEm]

Hmm well I have always called my in laws by their first name, even when dating dh. Dh's aunt has her dil call her Mrs. Last name, which I find odd because she herself is Mrs. Same last name. I would say its up to you. Dh used to call my dad Mr.last name. But my dad replied,"call me Bill" so dh has since then.

[AndyJoy]

I was raised to use Mr./Mrs. Lastname. As a college freshman I went home and continued this pattern, but every adult in my life insisted I switch to their first name. This is a typical rite of passage into adulthood in our circles: you default to Mr./Mrs. and then are welcomed to adulthood.* I never had anyone I met as an adult (out of HS) expect me to call them by more than a first name, execpt those with titles like professors. I called my boyfriend's mom by her first name when I was 19 and still do now that she's my MIL.

 

*One girl bucked the trend and started calling adults by their first names without invitation the day she turned 18 (summer after HS). this caused a few raised eyebrows, LOL.

[PrincessMommy]

It really depends on the person.  

 

My SIL has never, ever been comfortable with calling me either "mom" or "Mrs. Lastname".   It's probably not helped by the fact that he's 8yrs older than dd (hence closer to my age) and his mom and I share the same name.     Usually he avoids calling me by name, which can be pretty funny actually. :laugh:   I refer to myself as Debbi when I call him.  He's close to his mom and I understand that it might be awkward to call me "mom".    My new DIL refused to call us anything but Mrs. & Mrs. Lastname until AFTER she was married.  She now calls me "Mom".  She comes  from a traditional Chinese family and for her it was an important milestone. 

 

 

[GailV]

I was raised to use Mr./Mrs. Lastname. As a college freshman I went home and continued this pattern, but every adult in my life insisted I switch to their first name. This is a typical rite of passage into adulthood in our circles: you default to Mr./Mrs. and then are welcomed to adulthood.* I never had anyone I met as an adult (even at 18) expect me to call them by more than a first name, execpt those with titles like professors. I called my boyfriend's mom by her first name when I was 19 and still do now that she's my MIL.

 

*One girl bucked the trend and started calling adults by their first names without invitation the day she turned 18 (summer after HS). this caused a few raised eyebrows, LOL.

 

I called MIL Mrs. Lastname before we were married, until she told me to please call her Firstname.  Other than that, same story here.

[MistiDelaney]

My daughters in law all call my by my first name.  I call my mother in law by her first name.  My mother called her mother in law "Mom".  (Which was import to my mother and to my grandmother, since both had grown up without their own mothers.)

[ashfern]

I was also raised that you use Mr/Mrs last name. When dating I did that but MIL didn't like that. She wanted me to call her mom but I wasn't comfortable with that. I use her first & middle name (her & my mom have the same first name).

[carriede]

I met DH's parents when I was 21. I didn't call them anything for a long time! I would say "umm" or "excuse me" when I wanted their attention. They were okay with just first names, but it was uncomfortable for me, so I just avoided using names.

 

I got over it eventually. I recall using first names with no problem within a year. Now I call them Mom and Dad. :)

 

I would think Firstname or Ms Firstname is typical. Whatever you choose, consider making a big, friendly deal out of it to help break the ice.

[Heather in Neverland]

The question is... What would you like to be called?

 

Generally it should go like this:

 

Girlfriend: hello Mrs. Lastname, it's nice to meet you

 

You: I'm glad to finally meet you, too. Please, call me -----

 

That way you can decide what you are comfortable with. As a teacher/principal, I have been called Mrs. Lastname for the last 20 years so I guess I am most comfortable with that. It is really weird to hear anyone other than my friends call me Heather. I think once my ds gets engaged or possibly married I would be more comfortable with it.

[momto10blessings]

I call my mil by her first name

My mom called her mil "mother last name"

My dad called his mil "miss last name"

My cousin calls her mil "miss first name"

My siblings mostly call their mils "mom"

[Seasider]

Raised in the south, we always called adult friends of family "Miss/Mr First Name." You would not find it in Emily Post, but it's a way to show both respect and affection.

 

My mil invited me to call her mom or mother, and I think she wanted that, but I couldn't do it. So I finally started using first names (after years of marriage and a new SIL who openly did so!).

 

I think until things appear to be more long term with their relationship, I would just let her call you whatever she chooses for now. Later, if things get serious, you can discuss it. Just be friendly and answer to whatever for the time being.

[plansrme]

You should encourage all married adult children and their spouses to have children immediately so that you can always go by whatever the grandchildren call you. Nana, Grandma Firstname, Gigi, all are less awkward than Mrs. Lastname Firstname. Glad I could help.

[Seasider]

You should encourage all married adult children and their spouses to have children immediately so that you can always go by whatever the grandchildren call you. Nana, Grandma Firstname, Gigi, all are less awkward than Mrs. Lastname Firstname. Glad I could help.

Haha! That is a constant conversation topic here. But it goes along the lines of, "Watch it, Mom, or I'll have my kids call you [insert grandparent name options that make my skin crawl]."

 

ETA Terms of Endearment, anyone?

[Night Elf]

I was raised in the south too. I always use Mr/Miss/Mrs/Ms firstname.

[Catwoman]

You should encourage all married adult children and their spouses to have children immediately so that you can always go by whatever the grandchildren call you. Nana, Grandma Firstname, Gigi, all are less awkward than Mrs. Lastname Firstname. Glad I could help.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Um_2_4]

I about spit my drink on the keyboard when I thought about calling my MIL Mrs. xxx or by her first name. I <3 her dearly and she loves me more than her son (shh, that is a secret LOL), but nope. I call her by nicknames which wouldn't really translate to english, but if you are not comfortable with first names or "mom" yet, then be inventive. "aunt FirstName" (this is what friends kids call me) ? or she could just call you "DSfirstname's mom" ? or "Mom Lastname" or whatever DS's friends call you...

[Tap]

When my kids friends call my Mrs Last Name, I tell them they can call me that or call me by my first name, what ever they are most comfortable with.  Almost all, call me by my first name unless they were raised in a family with strict protocol on names. 

 

Dd's boyfriend, and many of that circle of friends all call me 'ma'.  They all have broken homes or unusual family circumstances.  I am guessing because I tend to mother them all a bit when they are here. I feed them, sit and chat with them, and ask how their days went. One of her boyfriend's friends, even gives me a big hug when ever he sees me and when he leaves.  He tells me that he wants to live with us...in a joking, but loving way.   LOL

 

 

[plumshadow]

Maybe because I am still in my early 30's but I associate Mrs./Mr. with respect/old people. I don't mind "Ms.Whitney" with my children's friends but I don't like Mrs. last name with anyone other than professional acquaintances.  If you are apart of my inner circle even if it only by 6 degrees of separation I prefer just my first name.

My MIL usually don't call her anything (and we do like each other very much) and we've been married for 9 years. I refer to her "go to grandma.." but the rare occasions I don't simply start with what I want to say and have to use a proper noun lol I use her nickname.

[Cera]

I don't have adult children but I always called my inlaws mom and dad.  I also call the parents of my best friends mom and dad.  I think whatever you are comfortable with will work.  I hope that when my kids have so's that I am close enough to that they will call me either mom or by my first name.

[Haiku]

I encourage everyone to call me by my first name, no matter their age. I don't think of myself as Mrs. Lastname or Ms. or Miss anything. I like to be called by the name I think of myself as, which is my first name.

[Julie Smith]

I called my MIL by her first name, she passed away over 8 years ago.

 

I sometimes refer to my FIL as the old goat. For me it is difficult because he has the same name as my Dh. 

(I'm not sure why his kids started calling him an old goat. But it fit because my MIL was a chicken. Not as in scared easily - it was just her animal. My Dh goes by Wolf and his sister is a dragon. )

[zoobie]

I don't have grown children yet, but the thought of being Mrs. Lastname is laughable to me. I don't answer to it when a random person has called me by that--as in it doesn't even click in my brain that it's my name, and I've been married 16 years nearly. I'm only Ms. Lastname in court or formal work situations. I would say please dear call me Firstname. I'm not going to call her Ms. Lastname! Our lives are simply not that formal. :)

 

I'm also born and bred Southern and have no problem calling the old generation Mr/Mrs. Lastname and waiting for an invite to use a different name, but I have no desire to be old or formal!

[alisoncooks]

I call my MIL by her first name... though I think I probably avoided calling her anything for the first decade that I was married to her son.

Now that we have kids, I often call her Granny, especially if kids are in the room (that's what they call her).

 

[JustEm]

I call my MIL by her first name... though I think I probably avoided calling her anything for the first decade that I was married to her son.

Now that we have kids, I often call her Granny, especially if kids are in the room (that's what they call her).

 

 

This reminded me of a funny story about a predicament I had with names, not with my in laws.  When I first started dating my dh he was my kung fu instructor.  As my instructor I called him Sifu Scott.  When I went to program his number into my phone I just put SS because typing Sifu Scott seemed wrong since I wouldn't be talking to him on the phone as my instructor but typing Scott didn't seem right either because I didn't know if this was serious or not.  I managed to call him absolutely nothing for a month of dating before deciding it was serious so I could call him Scott and not have to worry about breaking up and relearning to call him Sifu Scott.  

[Belacqua]

I'm hoping to be Firstname when the time comes. I never changed my last name, so I'm not actually a Mrs. anything. And Miss Firstname works in some places, but where I live it just isn't done (I've been told that in the western US, Miss Firstname is reserved for the proprietress of a house of ill repute; probably apocryphal, but I like that explanation, anyway). 

 

I called my in-laws Mr and Mrs until our engagement, at which point they invited me to call them Mom and Dad. I happily did so, but I can certainly see how that could be difficult for some people. 

 

I don't much care, though, until it comes time for the Grandma Issue. Now that is my hill to die on. I have already informed my son, who doesn't even have a girlfriend at the moment, that if and when he has kids, I am dibbing the name Grandma. I do not like any other variation, and Grandma I shall be. If the other grandmother also wants that name we can share, but I am standing firm.*

 

* I know a bunch of you grandmothers are smiling at my naivete, thinking that my bold pronouncement pretty much guarantees that a grandchild will call me something like Meemanoonah and that will be that. And it's probably true. But for now, I plan to speak with the confidence of the untested and enjoy my delusions while I still can. :)

[PuddleJumper1]

So what I'm getting is anything goes as long as everyone is comfortable :laugh:

I'm perfectly fine with just my first name. I think my upbringing is throwing me off. I wasn't allowed to use anything but Mr/Mrs lastname. So much so that I drive my parent's friends crazy now-a-days by still doing it. I can't seem to break the habit. Then there are my parents with their in-laws. They both refer to the other's parents as Mom and Dad. When dh and I got married my in-laws requested I call them by their first names. In my crazy mind I, at first, thought they didn't approve of me since I'd never heard anyone call in-laws by anything but Mom and Dad. Nothing could have been further from the truth. It was just regional. I guess I've got baggage :lol:

When next I see ds' girlfriend I'll ask her what she'd like to call me and whatever she decides is good with me.

[Lisa in Jax]

DD's  boyfriend called me Mrs. LastName for the first year (when he was still in HS). He's been given permission to call me by my first name, but I've found that he calls me "Miss Lisa" more than he actually calls me Lisa. I think he still feels a bit odd calling me by my first name. ;)

 

 

 

 

 

 

[AlmiraGulch]

 

I don't much care, though, until it comes time for the Grandma Issue. Now that is my hill to die on. I have already informed my son, who doesn't even have a girlfriend at the moment, that if and when he has kids, I am dibbing the name Grandma. I do not like any other variation, and Grandma I shall be. If the other grandmother also wants that name we can share, but I am standing firm.*

 

* I know a bunch of you grandmothers are smiling at my naivete, thinking that my bold pronouncement pretty much guarantees that a grandchild will call me something like Meemanoonah and that will be that. And it's probably true. But for now, I plan to speak with the confidence of the untested and enjoy my delusions while I still can. :)

 

YES!  I just don't get all of Nanny, Nana, Nona, Grammy, blah blah blah stuff.  It makes me crazy.  I'll be a grandma, so call me that.  I do think it's hilarious that my great-niece (now 5) calls my parents (her great-grandparents) "Old Grandma" and "Old Grandpa".  It's adorable, and it makes sense, really.  They like it, too. 

 

I call my in-laws by their first name, by the way, and did so with my former in-laws as well. 

[Seasider]

DD's boyfriend called me Mrs. LastName for the first year (when he was still in HS). He's been given permission to call me by my first name, but I've found that he calls me "Miss Lisa" more than he actually calls me Lisa. I think he still feels a bit odd calling me by my first name. ;)

Yes, that odd "Miss/Mr" is a little buffer of respect, I think. [ETA I don't mean this as a standard for others, just for myself as a charter member of the GRITS club.]

[momto10blessings]

I call my MIL by her first name... though I think I probably avoided calling her anything for the first decade that I was married to her son.

Now that we have kids, I often call her Granny, especially if kids are in the room (that's what they call her).

Same here! I did everything I could to avoid addressing her by name!

[KungFuPanda]

What do you have other adults call you when you meet them in informal situations like a book club or on the sidelines at a kids' event?

[Kareni]

We always encouraged our daughter's friends to call us by our first names.  I imagine a significant other would do likewise.  My husband and I both called our parents-in-law by their first names after being invited to do so.

 

Regards,

Kareni

[fraidycat]

My kids are so screwed in this "etiquette/respect" department. They are introduced to and use first names for everyone outside of professional settings (Dr. or Mr./Mrs. in a school).

[Spryte]

I think anything goes, too.  Just be comfortable with it, and if you must change the rules as things progress - go less formal, rather than more.

 

My MIL couldn't seem to make up her mind.  We went with first names, as did her oldest daughter's spouse.  That was fine and good for 12 years ... until the youngest daughter married, and her spouse is uncomfortable with anything other than Mr./Mrs. Lastname.  MIL really likes that, and I think it's apparent that she'd prefer we all switch.  I find it uncomfortable, after 12 years (now 15) of marriage, to revert to Mr./Mrs. Lastname, so I've fallen back on Grandma/Grandpa since the kids are usually around anyway.  FWIW, she did always call her own MIL "Mrs. Lastname" so I think it's fairly natural that she feel this way.  I just find it awkward, after so many years, to change what I call her.   

[Spryte]

My kids are so screwed in this "etiquette/respect" department. They are introduced to and use first names for everyone outside of professional settings (Dr. or Mr./Mrs. in a school).

 

Mine are, too.  :) We tried to go with Miss/Mr. Firstname, but it's just not acceptable around here, and all of our adult friends prefer first names only.

[abba12]

I was raised to consider the in-law relationship, after the wedding, to be as high in importance and priority as the blood child relationship. My husband called my dad by his firstname while we dated, and once we married he began calling my father 'dad' and my grandparents 'grandma and grandad' because, in my family, he is now as much their son/grandson as I am their daughter/granddaughter. Even if we divorced they would all feel some loyalty to him as well as to me, and would likely try to remain neutural unless there was a specific cause for the divorce. I know this is true because I have watched their reactions to the ex-partners of both of their children during and after their own divorces. Of course, a family with different inlaw dynamics probably wouldn't be comfortable with that, but I only ever heard my dad call my mothers parents mum and dad.

 

On the other hand, my husbands family does not value the inlaw relationship in any way, as far as they're concerned I am just a hanger-on and in no way will I ever be a daughter to them. As a result, I will not call them mum and dad. I use first names with them. 

[Laura Corin]

She's an adult.  If you would normally introduce yourself to an adult by your first name, then I would use that.

 

L

[ssavings]

DH calls my parents Mr/Mrs. Initial-of-their-last-name. He's the only one who does so, and he's done so for years. 

SIL calls my parents by their first names. 

I call FIL by his first name. 

I call MIL Mrs. Last Name.

Honestly, just depends on the situation and what you are comfortable with. 

[happypamama]

I call my ILs Mom and Dad, same as I do my own parents.  But I didn't call them that until DH and I were engaged, at which point we'd been dating for six years.  I called them Mr. and Mrs. Lastname until then, partly because I've known them since I was a young teen, and Mr. and Mrs. was appropriate.  I think it depends on what you're comfortable with -- if you're okay with her calling you by your first name, because that's what she'd call other adults, then that seems very reasonable to me.

[Jann in TX]

When DH and I were dating I called his mother 'Mrs. XXX'  she immediately said to call her by her first name. 

 

I call my FIL either 'Dad' or his first name  (or Grandpa)... depends on who I'm with.

 

DH calls my parents by their first names-- they requested it.  I call my step mother by her first name.

 

My students call me a mix -- some call me Mrs Pxxx some call me Miss Pxxx and some call me Miss Jann and a few just call me Jann.  I answer happily to all.

 

 

[Hoot]

I call my MIL by her first name, but only when absolutely necessary. If I'm talking to her, I do not need to use her name. If I'm talking to DH or DS, I will say "your mom" or "mom mom." The only time I really use her name is when I happen to call on the phone and my FIL answers and I need to ask to talk to her. Mrs. Lastname just sounds way too formal to me.

 

She does sign "mom" on all of my cards, but I haven't called ANYONE mom since I was 9 yrs. old and my own mother died. I have had a step-mom for roughly 20 yrs. that I have never and will never call mom.

[SunnyDays]

This is fascinating to me, I didn't realize there were so many regional differences.  I was born, raised, and still reside in the informal Midwest.  Any children of friends I see regularly call me by first name.  (When DS was in school and I was a room mom, kids I didn't know well called me Mrs. Lastname.  That's a pretty standard drawing line, I think.)  Most anyone I see on a regular basis would not call me Mrs. Lastname... I'm not even sure how easily I'd respond to that!

 

DH and I both call one anothers' parents either by first name or Mom and Dad.  It wouldn't occur to me (or really, anyone else I know here) to call a family member Mr./Mrs. Lastname. 

[LatteMama]

YES!  I just don't get all of Nanny, Nana, Nona, Grammy, blah blah blah stuff.  It makes me crazy.  I'll be a grandma, so call me that.  I do think it's hilarious that my great-niece (now 5) calls my parents (her great-grandparents) "Old Grandma" and "Old Grandpa".  It's adorable, and it makes sense, really.  They like it, too. 

 

I call my in-laws by their first name, by the way, and did so with my former in-laws as well. 

 

Yes, yes, yes!  I agree with all of this.

 

I'm originally from the midwest, so I guess we were pretty informal.  When very young I remember calling my friend's parents by Mr./Mrs. Lastname.  But by high school everyone was Firstname.  DH came from Texas and got in trouble in school for using Sir/Ma'am because the teacher thought he was being disrespectful.  :confused1:   I expected to call my in-laws Mom and Dad but they are pretty toxic people so I avoid them and address them by first names.  I also call my step-mom by first name but that is because she asked me to stop calling her mom.

 

But my daughter calls all grandparents by Grandpa or Grandma or Grandpa Lastname and Grandma Lastname.  Even though there were many grandchildren before her that used Nana and Papa I couldn't stand that!!

[Unicorn.]

My son is 17, but he calls his girlfriend's parents by their first names, at their request.  His girlfriend calls me Momma "1st letter of last name".  I like it.  :D    If he were in college, and meeting a gf for the first time, I think I would just have her call me by my first name.  Or Mrs. lastname, if I didn't like her.