Bensmom Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 May I preface this post by saying the original idea came from Impish's blog (which is a hoot)... But it got me to thinking... Men seem to think that TeA fixes anything. Bored...how about some TeA? Depressed...TeA will make it better Procrastinating doing those home repairs the wife has been nagging about...TeA first, work later Stressed over work...TeA is relaxing The Man Cold making you grumpy...TeA is just what the dr. ordered Can't sleep...just need a little TeA Too sleepy to wake up in the morning...TeA will get the blood flowing And heaven forbid there is a power outage... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I think TeA fixes most things :) That is, when my relationship with dh is not the thing causing the problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Personally, I don't think men are that shallow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 yeah, not that simple in my relationship Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Wait, Imp is blogging. Does someone want to post a link? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Plenty of women like teA, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 May I preface this post by saying the original idea came from Impish's blog (which is a hoot)... But it got me to thinking... Men seem to think that TeA fixes anything. Bored...how about some TeA? Depressed...TeA will make it better Procrastinating doing those home repairs the wife has been nagging about...TeA first, work later Stressed over work...TeA is relaxing The Man Cold making you grumpy...TeA is just what the dr. ordered Can't sleep...just need a little TeA Too sleepy to wake up in the morning...TeA will get the blood flowing And heaven forbid there is a power outage... My husband would agree with all of the above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggie96 Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 My husband would agree with all of the above. So does mine... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Tea changes us chemically, in positive/feel good ways. Participating in tea with healthy choices and within your personal integrity/moral code, tea *is* a panacea. That said, I hate the thinking/stereotypes that posit (married) men as sex focused and starved and women as disinterested and asexual. We see this premise in comics, comedians, toasts at weddings,and even "self help" books. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Wait, Imp is blogging. Does someone want to post a link? http://notastepfordlife.blogspot.com/ Her blog post on another blog went viral today. She linked it here: http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/502614-article-at-sandbox-to-socratesand-thensqueee/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danielle1746 Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 My husband would agree with all of the above. Same here. I don't think it's a matter of being shallow. I think the importance of and effects of TeA (physically and emotionally) are just that significant. While I enjoy it, it doesn't really do anything for me that a good conversation or snuggling while watching a movie wouldn't do. But for him, it's a whole other level. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 This topic comes up about twice a year around here: whether or not men want TeA more than women. Apparently, it depends on the person. However, I am surprised at how I can be sick and TeA is the very last thing on my mind, but DH can be practically dying, but still ready for TeA. That one always catches me off guard. Then again, my DH is the sort of person who pushes through any illnesses he has, while I'm the one with the "man-cold" whimpering on the couch surrounded by tissues and feeling sorry for myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 TeA "fixes" all those things for me too! (In the context of a healthy marriage, with a spouse who is also interested in a little recreation at thd time.) Off topic: Sometimes the characterization of "men" being that way makes me feel distinctly unfeminine for having a human desire for sex, and finding plenty of satisfaction in it. If also makes me feel bad that if its considerd a somewhat laughable and shallow trait in men, perhaps I should retreat from it in order to be less shallow and regain (what?) a sense of feminine high-ground? And is my lower-desire DH unnatural? Under-masculine? Is it healthy to encourage that kind of thinking based on a normal range of variation in sex drive? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I don't think men are actually that shallow. However, whenever I mention a problem of any sort, my dh does suggest TeA as a solution. He's not 100% serious, but he wouldn't turn it down either. (For example, I say I have a headache and he looks at me suggestively and says "well, you know what would help with that") he doesn't really think that is going to help my headache, but he wouldn't mind if I wanted to try it anyway. He even says it when it is a physical impossibility, like if we are in the car with the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 My husband is not interested when he is sick or stressed out. Which I sometimes find rather frustrating, but I have to remember I'm about the same way, so we both get to take turns being frustrated. I do think it makes most days better, if I can get over the stress of lost time (either short on sleep or starting the day late) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 May I preface this post by saying the original idea came from Impish's blog (which is a hoot)... But it got me to thinking... Men seem to think that TeA fixes anything. Bored...how about some TeA? Depressed...TeA will make it better Procrastinating doing those home repairs the wife has been nagging about...TeA first, work later Stressed over work...TeA is relaxing The Man Cold making you grumpy...TeA is just what the dr. ordered Can't sleep...just need a little TeA Too sleepy to wake up in the morning...TeA will get the blood flowing And heaven forbid there is a power outage... Hmm... maybe this would be true if one were married to a one-dimensional Neanderthal on a Viagra drip. Quite fortunately, I do not personally know any such women so sadly encumbered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I absolutely want sex more often when I am stressed, sleepless, down or procrastinating. And woohoo on power outages. Though when sick, keep your distance.I am neither a dude or a programmed Stepford wifebot.One of the most damaging ideas I've run into is that his drive always outstrips hers. Shallow isn't even the half of it. Does it fix everything? No. But in a solid stable marriage it does smooth a lot of little stuff away. I personally do not currently have any issues in my marriage that more time together (be that "brewing tea" or dancing or whatever) doesn't largely solve. ETA: My husband works almost full-time and is in school full-time and I go to bed early (if at all possible) so I can wake up early for fitness. He often climbs into bed in the middle of the night after studying. Honestly, finding time to "brew teA" can be challenging and it is perhaps the largest "problem" in our marriage. I put problem in quotes because we both understand that this is the season of life we are in right now so we agree to make as much time as possible. Showers are good. Couple showers are very good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 TeA "fixes" all those things for me too! (In the context of a healthy marriage, with a spouse who is also interested in a little recreation at thd time.) Off topic: Sometimes the characterization of "men" being that way makes me feel distinctly unfeminine for having a human desire for sex, and finding plenty of satisfaction in it. If also makes me feel bad that if its considerd a somewhat laughable and shallow trait in men, perhaps I should retreat from it in order to be less shallow and regain (what?) a sense of feminine high-ground? And is my lower-desire DH unnatural? Under-masculine? Is it healthy to encourage that kind of thinking based on a normal range of variation in sex drive? ***LOUD APPLAUSE!*** Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I don't think men are actually that shallow. However, whenever I mention a problem of any sort, my dh does suggest TeA as a solution. He's not 100% serious, but he wouldn't turn it down either. (For example, I say I have a headache and he looks at me suggestively and says "well, you know what would help with that") he doesn't really think that is going to help my headache, but he wouldn't mind if I wanted to try it anyway. He even says it when it is a physical impossibility, like if we are in the car with the kids. Are we married to the same man? :P In reality he's not that shallow at all, for example he'll give me a neck rub for a headache while making suggestive comments, then get up snd make me a cup of tea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SadieMarie Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 My husband is the same and I do not see it as shallow. We all have things we do to feel better when stressed or sad or whatever. Some people cheat. Some drink or do drugs. Some shop. Some overeat. Really, tea with the person you love and have built a life with seems like a pretty positive choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Personally, I don't think men are that shallow. Hmmmm.....I think it fixes a lot. Thankfully dh thinks so too. Guess we are well matched in our shallow ways. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 My husband is the furthest thing from shallow, but regular activity makes a huge difference here. It's just his big need, helps him feel close, etc. I have a female friend who is the same way. People, men and women, are all individuals. Different than another person or person's spouse doesn't equal shallow, Neanderthal, or any other such thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 TeA "fixes" all those things for me too! (In the context of a healthy marriage, with a spouse who is also interested in a little recreation at thd time.) Off topic: Sometimes the characterization of "men" being that way makes me feel distinctly unfeminine for having a human desire for sex, and finding plenty of satisfaction in it. If also makes me feel bad that if its considerd a somewhat laughable and shallow trait in men, perhaps I should retreat from it in order to be less shallow and regain (what?) a sense of feminine high-ground? And is my lower-desire DH unnatural? Under-masculine? Is it healthy to encourage that kind of thinking based on a normal range of variation in sex drive? I am a high drive kind of girl, but dh has never made me feel like it was weird. I have never associated anything negative with it. My dh feels sorry for some of the husbands he knows who say they only get pity sex every so often. He seems pretty dang happy about his situation, so I don't see how I could feel bad about it. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I don't know about fixing everything but it comes pretty close......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VaKim Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Yep, my DH is like that. As apparently are all the men in our families. I, on the other hand, could live the rest of my life without it. Think I should have been a nun. But not being RC kind of ruled that out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bensmom Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 I don't think my dh shallow at all, but he definitely is ready fot TeA in all situations ;) Didn't intend this to be a serious discussion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callie Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I don't think my dh shallow at all, but he definitely is ready fot TeA in all situations ;) Didn't intend this to be a serious discussion. I understood your original post to be tongue-in-cheek fwiw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 May I preface this post by saying the original idea came from Impish's blog (which is a hoot)... But it got me to thinking... Men seem to think that TeA fixes anything. Bored...how about some TeA? Depressed...TeA will make it better Procrastinating doing those home repairs the wife has been nagging about...TeA first, work later Stressed over work...TeA is relaxing The Man Cold making you grumpy...TeA is just what the dr. ordered Can't sleep...just need a little TeA Too sleepy to wake up in the morning...TeA will get the blood flowing And heaven forbid there is a power outage... I'm a woman, and I fit the above description. However, there is far more to me as a human than my desire and fondness of sex, as there is to my dh, also. I get really, really tired of men constantly being reduced to one common denominator, their sexual urges. I have sexual urges, fairly strong and frequent ones. So does he. We are both human. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 High drive girl here, if that helps anyone to feel more "normal". ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwallowTail Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Who has time for all that teA when one has kids? We have zero time alone together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Who has time for all that teA when one has kids? We have zero time alone together. If that were the case no one would have more than 1 biological child (or one multiples pregnancy I guess). And then there is that thing called energy. Where do people get energy? By the end of the day I just want to sleep. And I sleep like a rock. I sleep so soundly, I think the house could blow away and I'd sleep through it. Well, some people get energy from being sexually active. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 The problem with stereotypes is that they don't take into account that healthy sexuality as well as a healthy marriage is on a continuum. This stereotype pinpoints only one speck on the continuum for men and makes some assumptions about what might be "normal" for women in contrast. And I think that is not only too simplistic but can be damaging. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Who has time for all that teA when one has kids? We have zero time alone together. We've always made time to be alone together. When our kids were younger, they had a pretty strict bedtime. Now, we go out on dates and/or lock ourselves in our room while they are busy with other stuff. And then there is that thing called energy. Where do people get energy? By the end of the day I just want to sleep. And I sleep like a rock. I sleep so soundly, I think the house could blow away and I'd sleep through it. End of the day isn't the only time that it's possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 And then there is that thing called energy. Where do people get energy? By the end of the day I just want to sleep. And I sleep like a rock. I sleep so soundly, I think the house could blow away and I'd sleep through it. You've never locked yourselves in the bathroom to "fix the pipes.? This excuse explains the running water, banging, everything! If you wait until bedtime you might fall asleep! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Who has time for all that teA when one has kids? We have zero time alone together. Creative thinking and intentionally making time. I understand about when the children are very little, but we still somehow managed to find time. In fact, it was a necessity for my sanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 As for finding the time. Awhile ago after having sex talks Eldest remarked, "I like sex. It means we (as in himself and his brother) get to play computers". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 As for finding the time. Awhile ago after having sex talks Eldest remarked, "I like sex. It means we (as in himself and his brother) get to play computers". That's hysterical! I have one child who would NEVER say anything like that and another with no filter. He should never, ever play poker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavender's green Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I could do without the stereotypes, but yeah, I think it's true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Mornings can be a good time too. It doesn't fix everything but working on your relationship will make things better all around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 If essentially have to agree, but touch is my love language and, well, if you needed further confirmation there is always my signature. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwallowTail Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 You've never locked yourselves in the bathroom to "fix the pipes.? This excuse explains the running water, banging, everything! If you wait until bedtime you might fall asleep! We used to be able to do things like that, but as dd gets older, we simply cannot sneak at all anymore. She bangs on the door, wherever we are, and that is simply not conducive to performance. Dh and I get to spend about 45 minutes at night together after she finally goes to sleep, and that is generally not enough time to even make anyone want to dtd. We have an only child on the spectrum though, and no babysitters, so our lives are probably not normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edelweiss Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Yep, my DH is like that. As apparently are all the men in our families. I, on the other hand, could live the rest of my life without it. Think I should have been a nun. But not being RC kind of ruled that out. I completely understand! I love my DH desperately, and I do my best to meet his needs. However, if something were to happen to him, I would never, ever consider marrying, or even dating, again. I could very happily live the rest of my life without it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 May I preface this post by saying the original idea came from Impish's blog (which is a hoot)... But it got me to thinking... Men seem to think that TeA fixes anything. Bored...how about some TeA? Depressed...TeA will make it better Procrastinating doing those home repairs the wife has been nagging about...TeA first, work later Stressed over work...TeA is relaxing The Man Cold making you grumpy...TeA is just what the dr. ordered Can't sleep...just need a little TeA Too sleepy to wake up in the morning...TeA will get the blood flowing And heaven forbid there is a power outage... Might depend upon the man. Those things turn my husband's libido off. Power outage might be the only thing on that list that doesn't turn him off...because then it's like camping *eyeroll* However, him being a trucker...well, let's just say that our long distance flirting and rare hometimes have definitely increased libido in both of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 If essentially have to agree, but touch is my love language and, well, if you needed further confirmation there is always my signature. ;) Touch is one of my love languages, but I don't consider touch and teA to be the same thing and I get irritated when it is assumed that, because I love touch that I want teA. Lots of non-sexual touching can lead to teA, but the expectation that it should actually surpresses my drive. I used to have a high drive, but then children happened. When they were little, TeA became one more chore, one more demand on top of so many. Childbirth also ravaged my body (and I am not talking about sagging and stretchmarks.) I am talking about permanent damage to the nether regions and 2 failed repair surgeries - definitely puts a damper on the ability to see myself as a desirable being. Plus, dh is a homebody - not interested in going out very often. If he does, it is a spur of the moment thing when I am exhausted at the end of the day. If he had planned it and I could look forward to it, I would be up for it. That and having a teen with almost zero social life (social anxiety issues) means that teA usually starts at 2nd base at the end of the day or in the morning. There is very little 1st base action, very little stepping up to the plate, almost no on-deck circle, pregame preparations, or even anticipation of game day. That only seems to happen if we go out of town without the kids, which has happened exactly twice in the last 20 years. So, in a way, I am like the old jalopy in the driveway. I need lots of TLC and priming the pump to get the motor running. And that just isn't happening right now. So, it is the wifely duty that I get some enjoyment out of if I can put myself in the right mindset (the mental gymnastics is exhausting.) But it is not something I think I just have to have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I find that I don't know I need fixing until I've been fixed. I feel off, or distant, or short-tempered, or a general malaise. It isn't until after tea that I realize that was the solution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnaM Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 My husband is the same way :) For my husband any time is a good time for some TeA. I don't think it is shallow at all. I think in general men tend to be more physically motivated (TeA solves all of the world's problems at least for a moment) and women more emotionally motivated (talk and touch that doesn't necessarily lead to TeA). Neither are bad or shallow and neither fit across the board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I agree that it can be nice when you are feeling sick and actually help you feel better. (As long as the sickness isn't centered on an toliet troubles) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I find that I don't know I need fixing until I've been fixed. I feel off, or distant, or short-tempered, or a general malaise. It isn't until after tea that I realize that was the solution. See, now that you are aware of the awesome solution to your issues, you simply need to embrace the idea. You need to begin to turn to teA for your comfort. :thumbup1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 As for finding the time. Awhile ago after having sex talks Eldest remarked, "I like sex. It means we (as in himself and his brother) get to play computers". My kids still think that we are letting them watch a movie/play games so we can have a parent conference. Actually, we call it a parent/teacher conference :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 My self awareness seems to be fleeting, because I do it every time. Afterwards I always wonder why I didn't remember. I'm like the goldfish of sex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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