I cannot even begin to describe how angry I am!

[Twinmom]

FB has allowed my 13 year old to open an account against my wishes, defiantly keep the password from me and to engagement in conversation with an unknown male who basically verbally sexually assaulted her in a FB private message. Yes, I have informed FB of this and asked that her account be deleted due to parental disapproval and abuse, as well as her disabilities that cause her to endanger herself, No, I did not receive a response of any kind except what I could find on the FB help pages...basically, that 13 year olds have a "right" to their own accounts and as a parent, I do not have the right to her account information. After a ridiculous amount of punishment, prayer and other parental interventions too numerous to list, I have finally gotten a hold of her password and can delete her current account. FB did not help me a bit, and there is nothing to prevent her from doing this again.

 

FB and teens should not mix. Yes, I know this. Yes, I have incredible computer defenses in place to keep said teen off FB in my home and devices...my DH is a software engineer and knows all the tricks. No, my DD does not have a cell phone. No, I do not allow her to use the house phone at will. Yes, I pulled her out of a private school and keep her at home under lock and key as much as is humanly possible...tomato staking has nothing on me. Yet, even my emotionally disabled child with below average intelligence can manage to talk naive friends into allowing her to access FB via their devices while at homeschool classes, while at riding classes, at church, etc. Unless I keep her from any outside activities and under my eye at all times (not possible...I have several children with disabilities and a DH who travels!), I cannot seem to protect this child from herself.

 

No, I will not stop trying to find new ways to protect her and yes, I will be speaking to the police. I have nothing else to say except that I believe FB tramples on the rights of parents of teens and that they care nothing about it...even when my disabled child gets hurt.

[elegantlion]

(HUGS) I'm so sorry.

[Twinmom]

And, just one more thing...many of you don't know me and don't know the history of this child's disabilities, how we have bent over backwards to help her and given her every intervention known to man...if you care to know the history, just read through my old posts. I am a professional in the fields of mental health and adoption, so I know where to go for help and I have and will continue to do so. If you want to tell me what a terrible parent I am, don't bother...I will just ignore you. This is a JAWM post, please. I am hurting enough as it is.

 

The one thing you ultimately cannot protect a child from is themselves, if they are hell-bent on their own destruction.

[Catwoman]

Jennifer, I am so sorry you have to deal with this, and I can absolutely understand your rage and frustration. :grouphug:

 

It is utterly ridiculous that the parents of a 13 year old child shouldn't have access to her FB account.

 

I am so relieved that my ds has no interest in FB.

[Unicorn.]

And, just one more thing...many of you don't know me and don't know the history of this child's disabilities, how we have bent over backwards to help her and given her every intervention known to man...if you care to know the history, just read through my old posts. I am a professional in the fields of mental health and adoption, so I know where to go for help and I have and will continue to do so. If you want to tell me what a terrible parent I am, don't bother...I will just ignore you. This is a JAWM post, please. I am hurting enough as it is.

 

The one thing you ultimately cannot protect a child from is themselves, if they are hell-bent on their own destruction.

 

 

 

:grouphug: Aww, hon. You aren't a terrible parent. You're just a parent of a teenager. A teenager w/ more problems than the average teen sometimes, but still a teen. You're last line says it all! :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[mumto2]

:grouphug: Your whole situation shocks me! I am so sorry you have been treated so badly by facebook. I agree there does not appear to be much else you can do. Really pleased to be a no facebook family. No advice just :grouphug:.

[Lisa in SC]

And, just one more thing...many of you don't know me and don't know the history of this child's disabilities, how we have bent over backwards to help her and given her every intervention known to man...if you care to know the history, just read through my old posts. I am a professional in the fields of mental health and adoption, so I know where to go for help and I have and will continue to do so. If you want to tell me what a terrible parent I am, don't bother...I will just ignore you. This is a JAWM post, please. I am hurting enough as it is.

 

The one thing you ultimately cannot protect a child from is themselves, if they are hell-bent on their own destruction.

 

 

Hugs! I understand your hurt. I know, from experience, the impossibility of being able to be present 100 percent of the time, as well as the creativity a child can use to circumvent a parent's best efforts if that is what said child desires. No judgement or stones thrown here. Just hugs & letting you know you're not alone. You're doing all you can do. You're a good mom.

[Lolly]

:grouphug:

[GailV]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry.

[Twinmom]

Thanks everyone. I am just sick and so, so angry that FB would not help me protect my child...that they, in fact, stood directly in the way of it for their own profit and convenience.

[Katy]

Can I suggest you lay out the FULL situation and send it in letters to the FTC, both of your senators and your congressional representative? Possibly also to your state legislators as well, as they tend to be more receptive to lobbying than those at the federal level are. Be sure to include information about the disability and the abuse and exactly how you'd like the laws to change to better protect children.

 

I'm concerned about this also- -not because of disability as much as how kids will never be free to make mistakes and have them forgotten if everything is recorded online forever. Some mistakes just should not be put on the internet.

 

Also, you might want to talk to a lawyer- if she is considered disabled you may have more parental rights than you or facebook realizes. You may be able to have to have her declared incompetent as far as the children's internet privacy laws are concerned, serve facebook with those papers, and then have the sort of control you would with a younger child. I would bet a letter sent from an attorney reflecting the abuse that has already occurred AND the steps you took to prevent it, making facebook essentially liable might go a long way towards making them change the policy when it comes to disabled children. If they ignored that, a PR campaign focusing on the ways facebook violates disabled children's safety would make it stop pretty quickly too.

[Jennifer3141]

Jennifer, I am so sorry you have to deal with this, and I can absolutely understand your rage and frustration. :grouphug:

 

It is utterly ridiculous that the parents of a 13 year old child shouldn't have access to her FB account.

 

I am so relieved that my ds has no interest in FB.

 

 

 

OP, I feel so awful for you.

 

But I go back and forth on this. I'll preface this by saying my kids aren't on FB and won't be until they are at least 13. But I do think kids should start being able to access social media before the age of adulthood or how else will they know how to behave once they do? I think keeping ALL the rites of passage until the ages of 18 and 21 would fail to adequately preapre those kids for adulthood. I do think FB should make it easier for parents of mentally challenged children to close FB accounts, sure. I wonder if a letter from an attorney stating that said child is mentally challenged would change their outlook?

 

I'm also not sure 13 is the right age for full FB rights. I don't know what the right age is and we homeschool so we already seem a little out of step with society at large. Let's face it, we're all still new to social media. It has risks and problems we haven't even begun to plunge into.

[Twinmom]

Ya know what, Katy? I think I am just mad enough to go that far. Seriously. If you see any news articles about an angry mom from NC going after FB, you will know it is me.

[Jennifer3141]

Katy, great minds think alike!! :laugh: :laugh:

[bolt.]

I'm sorry -- I do wish that private companies would be at least a little publicly-minded... But I don't expect them to be.

 

I wonder if you might have thought through a gradual, supervised and guided introduction to social media for her? Also, have you had any ideas about what kind of strong satisfaction she is getting from social media that makes it do attractive to her? Perhaps there are other ways of providing a safer but similar kind of satisfaction?

[Mommyfaithe]

:grouphug: Your whole situation shocks me! I am so sorry you have been treated so badly by facebook. I agree there does not appear to be much else you can do. Really pleased to be a no facebook family. No advice just :grouphug:.

 

Thing is you may THINK you are a " no Face book family" or a no texting family, or a no whatever family.....and then you get this kid who thinks they are smarter than you, or you are too over protective....or you don't understand them....and on and on and on.....then by chance you find out.....and OH BOY.....talk about the rug being pulled out from under your feet. Even the best kids can be very secretive and sneaky....and yes, I know this first hand. AND. The one you would NEVER expect t from is the one that pulls it the worst. I KNOW THAT FIRST HAND TOO!!!!!

 

What we do not get is every flipping darn device a kid has is able to go online somewhere...they do not need a cell phone, laptop or even an I pad. Their IPod will work as a phone, text, face chat etc. There are web sites set up that would ONLY attract kids and predators. It is SICK! SICK! SICK! These men can enter our house and steal our kids from under us....and I am NOT being over emotional or paranoid. I do not want to say too much, but just be careful. Thinking you could not be affected is naive and somewhat dangerous. I am saying this out of love, not condemnation....and hoping I can save another mom some of the grief I have endured.

 

 

[nmoira]

Sorry you're going through this.

 

How was it you found out about the message?

[happyhomemaker25]

I get it. When my RAD kid was 13 we got her a netbook that she had to use in the room with us amongst other rules. NO SOCIAL NETWORKING OR CHAT sites. It took her about 3m to figure out how to get around the safe guard we set up and to share her personal info with a "boy" on a Disney website. She is 15 and has had no access to the internet since then. Mainly because of other bad decisions in her personal life that have shown us she is just not ready for that responsibility. It's so hard. For all of her school projects she has to sit with me to do any internet research. Convincing my mom that this child could not have internet access was just as hard. I can't even imagine her on FB at this point. Of course we are the bad parents because what teenager does not have internet access??? People who don't have children with emotional problems just can't quite grasp the daily toll it can take on us. We did get the kids a computer for Christmas that is set up right beside our computer. She will probably be able to venture out a bit with that in the coming months.

I can't believe FB would allow your child to be placed in such danger. Thats crazy! I would write all of those people listed above. This is just dangerous.

[Anne in CA]

You are probably going to have to install a key stroke program on your computer and you are probably going to have to make she she cannot use the computer at the library or a friends house.

[MooCow]

The one thing you ultimately cannot protect a child from is themselves, if they are hell-bent on their own destruction.

 

 

 

so true and I needed to hear that today. :grouphug:

[Elizabeth in MN]

If you set up a password on your router/modem that will help with the house access. As for out of the house, I have no idea. You could contact all the parents at all the clubs she goes to and explain the situation to them.

 

As for Facebook, again I am not sure what to say. Legally, your daughter is old enough to not be covered by SOPA laws. If there were provisions put into the laws for people with disabilities they could easily be overturned as being discriminatory.

 

It's a rock and a hard place, something legislators don't like dealing with.

[Tap]

That is really frustrating. I know you have tried everything to prevent her from using media without supervision, but I can't remember if you have tried to use it WITH supervision. It sounds like you are not able to keep her from doing it again, so maybe it is time to rethink your strategy.

 

Have you considered allowing her access but with your full access? Allowing her some of the freedom she is asking for, but with intense monitoring on your part?

 

Not only could it possibly offer her a way to get a bit of what she is looking for, but also allow you the opprotunity to guide her in looking at who it is appropriate to share information with and not. A third benefit it that it gives you a bartering tool.

 

I don't know the full extent of your daughters issues and I don't know if it would be appropriate or not. It was just a random thought that went through my head.

[Janie Grace]

Thing is you may THINK you are a " no Face book family" or a no texting family, or a no whatever family.....and then you get this kid who thinks they are smarter than you, or you are too over protective....or you don't understand them....and on and on and on.....then by chance you find out.....and OH BOY.....talk about the rug being pulled out from under your feet. Even the best kids can be very secretive and sneaky....and yes, I know this first hand. AND. The one you would NEVER expect t from is the one that pulls it the worst. I KNOW THAT FIRST HAND TOO!!!!!

 

What we do not get is every flipping darn device a kid has is able to go online somewhere...they do not need a cell phone, laptop or even an I pad. Their IPod will work as a phone, text, face chat etc. There are web sites set up that would ONLY attract kids and predators. It is SICK! SICK! SICK! These men can enter our house and steal our kids from under us....and I am NOT being over emotional or paranoid. I do not want to say too much, but just be careful. Thinking you could not be affected is naive and somewhat dangerous. I am saying this out of love, not condemnation....and hoping I can save another mom some of the grief I have endured.

 

I was going to PM you, Faithe, but I can't seem to (maybe you have it turned off). Can I please ask you, as a mom of a 13yo with an ipod and Kindle -- who is soft-hearted and seems honest but who I *know* is entering that stage where she thinks she knows best and we don't understand -- could you please start a s/o thread about what you have learned and how to navigate this? WHAT websites are you talking about? HOW can we prevent (or limit, or at least warn our kids about) the things you're talking about? Our 13yo is our oldest. No FB yet, I read her emails, etc... but I know we're entering uncharted waters and there are four more kids coming up behind her. I want to learn as much as I can.

 

OP, I am so sorry. I am REALLY angry at FB on your behalf and I think it's ludicrous that there is some presumed "right" for a 13yo to have complete privacy from her parents (even 13yos without the issues yours has).

[Rebel Yell]

Do you know how she got access to create an account? Just keep an eye out so she doesn't open a new one under a fake name.

 

I notice a lot of teens have their "parent friendly" facebook and the "real" facebook with a different name.

[Paula in MS]

I am willing to bet that Facebook can't do much about the situation. They could cancel the account, but nothing keeps your dd from opening a new account with a new e-mail account on a friend's phone. If Facebook had cancelled the account for you, you could still be in the same situation again. They can't block her personally because there are too many work arounds for the teen. I do agree that kids under 18 should at least have parental permission for the account. I'm not sure how this would be monitored, though. I hope you can come up with a solution.

[I.Dup.]

I am so sorry. That sounds horrible. I totally agree that facebook and teens do not mix. I am SO glad there wasn't facebook when I was still so young and stupid. SO glad.

[Danestress]

I agree that while FB should be able to have more parent friendly policies, ultimately they are not going to be able to protect your daughter. She will just create a new account. And perhaps lie about her age. Realistically, if she were 8, she could also have set up a FB account, lied and said she was older, and the only difference would be that maybe FB would help you when they learned the truth, but by then your daughter may have already have done things to put herself at extreme risk.

 

What you said is true - there is only so much you can do to protect a child who is h@ll bent on destruction. I know you and your DH are doing your best in a very difficult situation. I can't even think of things to say that you "should do" because even after you have already put a password on the router and a key stroke recorder on your own computers, she can get into trouble at a friend's home.

 

Short of not letting her be with her friends unsupervised, you are sort of stuck. Even then, you can only protect her so much for so long. In the next few years, your ability to protect her will erode. I'm so sorry.

[Mommyfaithe]

Please post a s/o thread. I would actually love to know whAt other parents are doing. There are many, many ch at sites which are set up to get young kids ( maybe 10-15) talking with each other. Things like Dr. W h o, Jus tin Bi eb er, cart toons, dis ney pri nces ses, etc., maybe set up innocently enough become a field day for pred a to rs. Thing is, anyone can pretend to be anyone.....pre dato rs count on this...and the fact that the technology is so new. We teach our kids not to talk to strangers, but what harm can there be in talking to another "girl", "my age" who likes what I like.....except it is not a girl...and he is not her age. At one point or another a link will be sent, not may be....will be....to p * rn sites, or they will be asked for a picture. Oh, you are so pretty....can you now send me another.....now do it this way....etc until the young girl ( or boy....it happens to boys too) is so brain washed, and confused as to what is real and not real that they begin to live a second secretive life....and it is UGLY.

 

Any @pp that has a te xt or ch at feature can create access to your child. Sites like I n sta gram or fa ce book, or t um blr etc. draw followers and potential pedofiles and predators. They know what draws kids in....and some go so far as to kidnap or lure kids out of their homes. If you need more info, look at the f b i website for in ter net cri me against children. It will make you cringe.

 

Please, please, please....protect your kids. As our tech n o lo gy advances, the world is turning into a much more dangerous place....especially for our kids. There are some very, very not nice people out there....

 

Oh, FYI, an I pod can be used exactly like a cell phone.....and a tiny I pad....and they come with the Sof twa re to navigate ch at rooms etc.

 

 

 

I was going to PM you, Faithe, but I can't seem to (maybe you have it turned off). Can I please ask you, as a mom of a 13yo with an ipod and Kindle -- who is soft-hearted and seems honest but who I *know* is entering that stage where she thinks she knows best and we don't understand -- could you please start a s/o thread about what you have learned and how to navigate this? WHAT websites are you talking about? HOW can we prevent (or limit, or at least warn our kids about) the things you're talking about? Our 13yo is our oldest. No FB yet, I read her emails, etc... but I know we're entering uncharted waters and there are four more kids coming up behind her. I want to learn as much as I can.

 

OP, I am so sorry. I am REALLY angry at FB on your behalf and I think it's ludicrous that there is some presumed "right" for a 13yo to have complete privacy from her parents (even 13yos without the issues yours has).

 

[Starr]

and if the account is reopened it will still be there. :( I'm so sorry.

[tex-mex]

If you set up a password on your router/modem that will help with the house access. As for out of the house, I have no idea. You could contact all the parents at all the clubs she goes to and explain the situation to them.

 

As for Facebook, again I am not sure what to say. Legally, your daughter is old enough to not be covered by SOPA laws. If there were provisions put into the laws for people with disabilities they could easily be overturned as being discriminatory.

 

It's a rock and a hard place, something legislators don't like dealing with.

I agree.

 

I'll add to the thread my own story of my niece, who is developmentally disabled (on SSI) with a borderline IQ. She is 23 years old now and it pains me to see her get abused on FB by former high school "friends". She makes poor choices in her life and is very vunerable to a bad crowd of peers whom she emulates. And her baby daddy just got his second strike in CA prison. It is so painful to read how they treat her on her own FB page. I have to hide her on my FB Newsfeed as she thinks these low-lifes are her BFFs. There should be a law protecting disabled individuals from FB abuse.

 

But thanks to the ACLU, my niece has full legal rights to do as she pleases... and she has chosen the path to self-destruction. So sad and not much any of us can do.

[Lanny]

@OP If you live in the State of Texas, contact the offices of the State Attorney General, in Austin. They have a special unit that tries to capture Internet child predators. I saw a story about their activities, on Fox News Channel.

 

If you do not live in Texas, hopefully, your state has a unit like that one.

 

In any event, DO contact your local Police Department and ask them how you can follow up on this. GL

[KnitWit]

I was going to say the same thing as Lanny.

 

Your dd is underage therefore the pursuit of her in that manner is ILLEGAL. You need to report this to your local Sheriff. You could also contact the FBI's Crimes Against Children division. Any and all information that you can give including screen name will be helping in tracking this person down.

[Twinmom]

Just got up from a long nap. Embarrassed to say that I took things out on DH and DD...not pretty. Trying to chill. Ok, to try to respond. Thank you to everyone who posted their support and good ideas. Haven't seen one I didn't like...thank you so much! I'll try to answer a few questions if I can remember them all.

 

DD has had a problem with this for a while. This is her third account, and all have had false information. it started with falsifying her age when she wasn't thirteen and ended with a false last name and extreme age change on this account. We have literally taken video courses in Internet safety and I know she is listening, but she is too naive to understand everything she needs to in order to stay safe. Part of it is intelligence, part of it is loneliness and a lack of social skills. She doesn't make deep friendships easily and if she does, she often blows them up by having either a panic attack or doing something stupid that drives the person away. It is sad and we are doing our best to help her, but she is seeking out the trouble herself.

 

We gave her a cell phone when she turned 13, with protected Internet and protected texting. She used to to get herself into trouble and eventually get essentially kicked out of private school...an event that profoundly changed all of our lives...long story. Before this, we had told her that FB would be a possibility, monitored of course, after her 13th birthday. She went around us and refused to wait. Social media is a massive draw to her and she misuses it despite education and proper access. We have taken away all access to the Internet, the phones, limited her activities to Internet-safe ones (if that exists), but she is still her worst enemy. She is socially a mess but has enough intellectual skills and enough drive to work, work, work until she finds access. At times it has been sneaking around to watch us enter a password on a phone or iPad, then coming back after bed to take and use the device, then disable any controls we have placed on it. She has had some friends change passwords for her so that she could say she didn't know it. She borrows phones, as I mentioned. She will mess with someone's DS, any music device with Internet access, a Wii, anything she can get a link with. She's not low enough intelligence to be foiled at most attempts but stupid enough not to realize what she is doing to herself.

 

Anything, anything at all that has Internet access will allow a child like this to access the Internet and allow predators in. As I mentioned, DH is a high level software engineer and knows most tricks. We eventually always find out, but there are no punishments severe enough to make her stop. FB has been notified over and over again about the problems we have with this child, and I don't consider her ability to open an account to be their problem. I do, however, feel EXTREMELY angry and violated when they do not cooperate with me on shutting them down. Heck, they don't even write back! It is like I do not exist as a parent, at all. Right now, she has three accounts out there...only one active, as she forgot the password for one and a second I disabled by screwing up an email account she had opened, then this third account.

 

Yes, we are considering giving her supervised access to social media again, despite our misgivings. We do teach her Internet safety constantly and know eventually we will have no way to protect her from it. We have told her that we are putting together contracts that she will have to sign to get access. We've gone this route before and she blows off the rules, but we don't know what else to do but try, try again.

[Twinmom]

@OP If you live in the State of Texas, contact the offices of the State Attorney General, in Austin. They have a special unit that tries to capture Internet child predators. I saw a story about their activities, on Fox News Channel.

 

If you do not live in Texas, hopefully, your state has a unit like that one.

 

In any event, DO contact your local Police Department and ask them how you can follow up on this. GL

 

I wonder...if she claimed to be 24, do I really have any recourse? Any idiot should have been able to tell she was just a kid, but she did lie.

[unsinkable]

(((So sorry, Jennifer)))

 

There was a story about a young person who twittered something extremely inappropriate, then took it down within minutes. He thought he was being funny but he is now in juvenile detention due to the nature of what he wrote.

 

My heart breaks for kids in this situation. He's not even a teen and yet a few seconds of a bad idea has impacted him on such a extreme level.

 

I hope you can find some solutions.

[elizabeth]

Ya know what, Katy? I think I am just mad enough to go that far. Seriously. If you see any news articles about an angry mom from NC going after FB, you will know it is me.

And this lawyer mama is outraged on your behalf. I will do a bit of research and see what I can find. That is appalling for FB to have disrespected your young lady's safety and your wishes. I am not surprised but am definitely outraged. It is very hard to parent when society does not respect your boundaries for your children.

[Alessandra]

I am so sorry about what you are going through. I thought I'd link you to a website by John Halligan whose middle school agedson committed suicide. I heard a talk by John Halligan -- he is a BIG proponent of knowing EVERYTHING about what your kid does online. Please don't feel you need to apologize or explain for taking normal precautions. FB stinks, and I am mad too, on your behalf.

 

http://www.ryanpatrickhalligan.org/cyber_bullying/cyber_bullying.htm

[Katy]

...We have literally taken video courses in Internet safety and I know she is listening, but she is too naive to understand everything she needs to in order to stay safe.

 

... She's not low enough intelligence to be foiled at most attempts but stupid enough not to realize what she is doing to herself.

 

Anything, anything at all that has Internet access will allow a child like this to access the Internet and allow predators in....

 

 

Not knowing the history or abuse history here, this may or may not be appropriate in your case so YMMV... I once saw an episode of one of those nanny shows with a young teen daughter who kept doing stupid things like sneaking out, dressing inappropriately, posting ridiculous things on fb, completely disrespecting her parents, etc. The way the nanny on the show eventually addressed it was to have the younger children in the family leave, and sit down and spell out EVERYTHING those predators wanted to do to her. That they understood she wanted to feel older and sophisticated and have fun, but the reason to follow her parent's rules was... every aspect of modern white slavery. They basically scared the crap out of her, she was completely horrified and just scared enough to do a lot more listening.

 

I've often thought that if we had that sort of battle as parents in the future we might do exactly the same thing.

[Anne in CA]

The Jacy Duggar book might let this young woman know what a predator means to do to her if he can trick her into being alone with him.

[Amy in NH]

At times it has been sneaking around to watch us enter a password on a phone or iPad, then coming back after bed to take and use the device, then disable any controls we have placed on it. She has had some friends change passwords for her so that she could say she didn't know it.

 

 

Lock up all the devices in a cupboard at night.

They aren't her friends any more. Cut off the relationship with anyone who would help your dd thwart you.

 

Anything, anything at all that has Internet access will allow a child like this to access the Internet and allow predators in.

 

 

Shut off the internet.

 

Yes, we are considering giving her supervised access to social media again, despite our misgivings. We do teach her Internet safety constantly and know eventually we will have no way to protect her from it. We have told her that we are putting together contracts that she will have to sign to get access. We've gone this route before and she blows off the rules, but we don't know what else to do but try, try again.

 

 

Honestly, I wouldn't be giving my child ANY freedom at all until they could show sufficiently mature behavior. Don't need a cell phone if you aren't going anywhere without me! Don't need social media because you don't have a social life.

[CyndiLJ]

I really, really feel for you. We have 4 younger teens who thankfully have no desire to be involved in FB. We have talked often and shared stories about kids and the dangers of the internet, and thus far, they seem to be listening to us. I know that might change, but we have made it clear they will have to be closer to 17 or so before we will allow them to have an FB account. We have talked about how we would never drop them off in Times Square in NY and walk away, and that allowing free access to the internet and social networking sites is equivalent to the same thing.

 

I understand FB may be pretty powerless to change anything, I get that kids lie, that they can't control it all, that any real control is only an illusion. But I am livid that a child of only 13 has rights like this, and a parent can not ask FB to close an account. Turn it around, and you can bet for certain if that same 13 year old gets into trouble of some sort, they will hold the parents financially accountable!!

 

100% supportive of you, though I realize why you had to say what you said in the earlier comments. There will always be someone who thinks they know better than you :-( Hang in there, remember your own wisdom about not being able to protect a child from themselves and their own self-destructive behavior. It stinks that it is true...

[bzymom]

What a nightmare. I really, really dislike FB all the way around, so I admit to that bias, but their lack of accountability in this type of situation is just unbelievable.

 

Would your daughter be impressed by a visit from the police? If your local police have anybody specializing in internet predators, they would likely be very happy to talk one on one with your daughter to impress upon her the danger she exposes herself to. (I am sure you have done this in 14 languages! I know with my teens, sometimes hearing from someone else in authority is completely different.)

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: It is not easy, mama.

[Jennifer3141]

I agree.

 

I'll add to the thread my own story of my niece, who is developmentally disabled (on SSI) with a borderline IQ. She is 23 years old now and it pains me to see her get abused on FB by former high school "friends". She makes poor choices in her life and is very vunerable to a bad crowd of peers whom she emulates. And her baby daddy just got his second strike in CA prison. It is so painful to read how they treat her on her own FB page. I have to hide her on my FB Newsfeed as she thinks these low-lifes are her BFFs. There should be a law protecting disabled individuals from FB abuse.

 

But thanks to the ACLU, my niece has full legal rights to do as she pleases... and she has chosen the path to self-destruction. So sad and not much any of us can do.

 

 

I don't get this. It's the ACLU's fault that the parents of this person haven't followed legal steps to attain guardianship over this person? I've got a mentally disabled second cousin and although she is a legal adult, she does not have access to an email account because she opened a google account without telling her parents and when they discovered a stalker emailing this person, their lawyer sent an email to google and that was OVER. Someone with a borderline IQ should not just be thrown to the wolves out there - her parents have to monitor her activity for the rest of their lives and beyond. It sounds to me like your niece's parents have utterly failed to do their parental duty.

[Tammyla]

This is heartbreaking and outrageous. I can't believe FB hasn't been held accountable already.

[Twinmom]

We cannot turn off the Internet...my DH works from home and it is our livelihood. As I mentioned, DD is adept at getting a hold of other's Internet connectivity. This is a heart issue...I could lock her away from the world, get accused of being one of "those" home school moms to the degree of getting someone sent here to investigate her confinement...and she will still find a way to do damage to herself. She doesn't get it. For clarity's sake, please understand that this is a child with a mild brain injury and a MAJOR panic disorder.

 

Having a police officer explain the situation to her is a great idea and we have considered it, but we believe it would induce a clinical level panic attack...we are talking a "do damage to oneself and need a trip to the ER" level attack. It is a tough situation, some of which is hard to understand without explaining all the facts, but I just can't put them all online. Right now, our immediate plan is for her daddy to sit down and go over the private messages with her, explaining the realities to her as well as once again go over how a decent guy should be expected to treat her. From there, we will see if we need to take further action to help her understand the potential risk. Right now, prayer is (and has been!) very high on our list of priorities. God can protect her when we are unable to do so.

 

My issue here is primarily with FB taking away my parental rights and ignoring my pleas for help. A thirteen year old should not be able to make these sorts of decisions for themselves online. I am an active FBer, as we live far from family and I see the positives. However, seeing how little they care for my child's safety and for my parental rights, I think I'm going to dump them altogether and contact my lawyer. I wonder if HSLDA would be interested?

[Twinmom]

Oh, and I meant to also mention...after DD's phone was taken away but before we cut off her Internet access, she found several online sites that allowed free texting without a phone and whose sites managed to bypass our hefty security. This allowed her to continue to text friends until we found that and cut it off. Did you all know that was available? Just an FYI. It is scary out there and we have to try to stay two steps ahead of our kids all the time.

 

My hope is in the Lord for this child, every day. She needs His protection so very, very much. I don't mean to sound desolate, because I strongly believe His hand is on her life. My trust is in Him, but I am human and I've had a stumble today! Thanks so much for listening and supporting me. You guys are great!

[Carol in Cal.]

It's bad out there, alright.

I have seen this in libraries, medical offices, and online. Parents are held responsible financially and personally for their children's actions, but do not necessarily have access to their records. This doesn't really make any sense.

 

I have kind of a middle path POV on this stuff, but the internet issues are so ubiquitous and there is really no avoiding them without crawling into a cave, it seems.

[Lizzie in Ma]

 

 

:grouphug: Aww, hon. You aren't a terrible parent. You're just a parent of a teenager. A teenager w/ more problems than the average teen sometimes, but still a teen. You're last line says it all! :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

 

:iagree: :grouphug:

[mumto2]

Mommyfaithe I can't seem to make the quote and respond work but I want to let you know that I do totally agree with what you said about the fact that just because we don't do FB as a family does not mean the kids won't. They are pretty well locked down at home. Very little online time at home. I know that are biggest risk is at friend's homes and with their devices.

 

I don't honestly think FB will ever tempt them but that is because of a bad situation with a close friend. I can't imagine either of them being willing to risk their privacy to that degree. I have to give them some credit.LOL

 

They are particularity interested in joining forums. I wonder why???? This is really where I worry because we have met people that I met through this board very sucessfully. See one family frequently and everyone has a great time. I wish they lived a bit closer! But I do worry that they may not get that everyone is not who they say they are online, for just a start of my concerns.

 

Anyway I know you had the best intentions and totally appreciate your concerns. I am definately not upset. Just hadn't continued reading the thread. I would love it if we had a thread on how to protect children on the internet.

[Joanne]

You have some very unique challenged, OP, and you've taken some extraordinary measures to meet the challenges of your dd's whole context.

 

I'll be the lone dissenter, though. I don't think FB (or any online institution) should be held accountable to every possible situation which could put kids at risk. For that matter, I don't think brick and mortar institutions should, either.

 

In most businesses, there is no way to operate on a level that minimizes risk to zero.

 

Your dd's diligence and focus and saavy are amazing, actually. I wish there was a way I could suggest to focus that energy towards something that she'd enjoy, be safe, and you'd approve of.

 

It's understandable to try to find *something* or *someone* to rally against when challenges seem overwhelming. I struggle with that in terms of the medical community/health insurance. But I ultimately realize that my situation is "what it is" and that I am the only one who can persevere and advocate within the systems I need to.

 

{{hugs}}