s/o Duplicate names in extended family: Would you be offended...

[Audrey]

...if a near relative (think cousin or closer) gave their baby the same name as your kid? I know it's different for each family. It came up because dh and I are expecting and we've run up against a problem. It's important to us that the name for our baby is from the Bible. But I come from a very big family and over half their names are from the Bible. Every name my husband liked, I have a brother, cousin or cousin's child with that name. I think that we shouldn't "steal" a name from a family member, dh doesn't think it matters. (But he comes from a family of 5 other people besides the kids and me.)

 

What says the Hive?

 

 

Personally, it would put some serious damage into my relationship with the person who did it.

I think it is rude and insensitive to use a first name already used in your near family as a first name. Middle names are usually reserved for naming after someone, IMO/IME.

 

A niece of mine named her daughter the exact same name (spelling and all) of her own male cousin. That was even more rude and insensitive, but that niece is a real piece of work anyway. It did damage the relationships in the family and niece's obstinate response that she could name baby whatever she wanted did nothing to help matters either.

 

Obviously, YMMV.

[Reya]

It really depends on how often they see each other!

[mommymilkies]

I wouldn't care. I gave my last child my cousin's middle daughter's name as her middle name. That kid is just so dern adorable and lovey I couldn't help myself. :) Of course in my family, and in my genealogy it was VERY common to have cousins with your same name and I have two cousin Davids, for example. Nobody cares. It's kind of an endearment thing.

[celticmom]

My father's family took recycling family names to a truly ridiculous extreme(my father's first name was the same as an older sibling that died before he was born) so it would not phase me in the least. My mother's side of the family is not much better, she is the fifth generation with the same first name. She horrified her mother by breaking tradition and giving me a different name.

[Word Nerd]

My cousin has a dog with the same name as my older DD. I'd be OK with it if a relative chose the same name for a baby.

 

ETA: My DD is not named Tiger or Spot.

[DB in NJ]

Not bothered by it one bit. My cousin, two years younger than I, is also named Donna. We grew up in the same house. I am Donna Marie; she is Donna Lynn. We thought it was neat having two Donnas in the same house :)

[PinkInTheBlue]

It wouldn't bother me AT ALL. If anything I might consider it a compliment to what I

already thought was a good name. :)

[annandatje]

You simply cannot call dibs on names. It's just silly. My father, brother, uncle, and cousin all share the same first name. It was never an issue for anyone. I think it would be weird to make a thing out of it.

 

 

:iagree: For extended family and friends with same names, we just add the last name or middle name or a nickname to identify.

[VeritasMama]

I used my SIL's favorite name for a boy without realizing it, she didn't bother to tell me she had always wanted to use it, and mentioned it to my husband a few years later when she had her first child. She has two girls, so it isn't an issue, but when I found out I did tell her if she wants to use the name herself in the future I would have no problem with it. She wanted to use a nickname with it that we don't use anyway. But, she would feel uncomfortable because she buys into the modern idea that you need to make your kids feel as special a possible, and so sharing a name with a cousin would be too awkward. In the meantime, she chose two of the most popular names at the time for her own children, and so they both go to school with two other girls that share their names, as do most children. I find it ironic. What's the difference, there are already going to be millions of other children with that name in the world as it is, who cares if it's your cousin?

[Jenny in Florida]

It's not so much that I'd be "offended," but I would be upset.

 

Here's the thing: My husband and I are big on names. We think names are important, and we put a ton of thought and effort into selecting names for our kids. We did research on the meanings and histories of every name we considered. We discussed each one for hours. And we very specifically researched the popularity trends and frequency with which each name occurs in the U.S. before making our final selections.

 

We both grew up with very common names, and we both hated it. So, doing our level best to maximize the odds that each of our kids would be the only one in the room with his or her name was extremely important to us. We worked really, really hard to find names that were "real," traditional names, ones that had history and signficance AND were not common in current usage.

 

Given all of that, I would be hurt and upset if a relative or friend jumped on our bandwagon and chose a name for his or her child that was the same as or extremely similar to that of my kid.

 

I can't imagine I'd ever say anything to the relative about it, but, yes, I'd be very unhappy.

 

Edit: I should add that I think it's an entirely different situation if parents choose a name specifically to honor a beloved family member. For example, my daughter has one of her grandmother's middle names as her own middle name. We did it intentionally as a compliment to my mother-in-law. My son has my mother-in-law's maiden name as his middle name for the same reason. And, in fact, my eldest brother-in-law has a variation of my father-in-law's name as his first. As someone else said, intentional, respectful intergenererational naming after someone is a whole different deal than your cousin saying, essentially, "Hey, that's a good name. Let's use that."

[PinkInTheBlue]

By the way, there have been 3 baby girls born to friends in my lifetime that have been given the exact same first and middle name as me. They weren't naming them after me or in honor of me but just because they really liked them. Nobody stole my name. ;) They just all know my name is awesome (LOL) and I think of it as a compliment even though I don't particularly love my name.

[Annie Laurie]

My sister gave my niece the same name as me. I was 15 and it didn't bother me. (Niece wasn't named after me, my sister just liked the name that much. She is my half sister and we didn't grow up together, maybe if she'd had to put up with me all day she wouldn't have liked it so much.)

 

My friend (who I grew up with and have known since she was a toddler and I was around 5) named her baby (7 months old now) the same name that I gave to my 12 year old. Just because she likes that name. Didn't bother me.

[ThisIsTheDay]

For me, whether you are talking about your sibling/your sibling's child or your cousin/your cousin's child completely changes the answer.

 

 

 

This. If a sibling used the same name, it would bother me. I wouldn't mind if a cousin did.

[Kathryn]

My father's family took recycling family names to a truly ridiculous extreme(my father's first name was the same as an older sibling that died before he was born) so it would not phase me in the least. My mother's side of the family is not much better, she is the fifth generation with the same first name. She horrified her mother by breaking tradition and giving me a different name.

 

Reusing the name of a child that died young was actually very common for a long time. My family tree and DH's are full of that happening.

[Danestress]

This is such an interesting question that taps into issues of family culture.

 

My children have family names. My counsins' children have family names. Some of them over lap. It would never occur to me to be mad that someone else used a name that is relatively common and is honoring of a family member. I share my name with two other family members I can think of off the top of my head. My children share names with people as well.

 

 

[unsinkable]

My cousin has a dog with the same name as my older DD. I'd be OK with it if a relative chose the same name for a baby.

 

ETA: My DD is not named Tiger or Spot.

 

 

My name is one of the most popular female dog names. It's funny when I take my dog to a dog park and I'm whipping my head around trying to see who just called me.

 

I like animal names for animals, not people names.

[meggie]

This is something I don't care about at all. When pregnant w/ Pigby, my SIL was also pregnant, due about 4 months after me. We had a hard time deciding on Pigby's name. When he was born, his middle name was "X." As SIL got closer to her due date, everyone asked if they had a name picked out. She said yes, but didn't want to say yet. Well, it turns out that the name they had decided on before Pigby was even born was "X." She was worried I would be upset for her trying to steal it. Bah, I don't care at all. She can name her kids whatever she wants. Someone who just had a baby shouldn't have to be worried about other people getting mad at "stolen" names.

[BakersDozen]

I gave #8 the same name as my sil gave her dd 9 months prior. I didn't care and thought it was really neat to have two Megans in the family. My inlaws about had a fit and to this day will not call my Megan by her name. Whatever. Names are not owned and so cannot be stolen. If someone wanted to use a name I have used for one of my dc I would think it really neat. No one should give up a name they adore for their child because someone else used it or plans to use it.

 

Just my .02. :)

[beaners]

My name is one of the most popular female dog names. It's funny when I take my dog to a dog park and I'm whipping my head around trying to see who just called me. I like animal names for animals, not people names.

 

:o We have female animals named Madison, Samantha, and Jackie.

 

My sister asked if I would mind if she uses the same name as my youngest when she has children. It's also our father's, grandfather's and great-grandfather's name. And very uncommon. It doesn't bother me if she chooses the same first name, but I'd think it was a bit odd if she chose the same middle name too because that isn't a family name. Her choice though, not mine!

 

My aunt is only a few years older than me, and our children are the same age. I love her daughter's name, and it's also a family name. I'm completely out of original name ideas now, so if we were to have another girl I might ask her what she thinks about me using it. I also share a middle name with that same aunt and my grandmother. I'll probably have to use that at some point too.

[Guest inoubliable]

We recycle middle names in our family. From one generation to the next. My brother decided to take middle names already given to my sister's and my children and use them for his. It was annoying at first, but really....who cares? LOL. His reasons were so obviously about "fitting in" with the older kids (since my and my sister's children were several years older than his).

[Crimson Wife]

My cousin gave his son the same name as DH several months after we had gotten engaged. It wasn't a family name for either my cousin or his wife and it isn't a "classic" name. I was rather annoyed but it is what it is.

[MamaT]

My cousin named his son the same thing as one of mine, but he called and asked me first. It didn't bother me in the least.

[Bang!Zoom!]

naw, wouldn't bug me in the least..you could name your pet monkey after one of my kids and I wouldn't care.

[crazyforlatin]

Oh nevermind names! Someone in the family got upset that DD was born on HIS birth date. How inconsiderate of me.

[Word Nerd]

Oh nevermind names! Someone in the family got upset that DD was born on HIS birth date. How inconsiderate of me.

 

 

People are insane sometimes! I was thrilled when a friend had her baby on my birthday. It's fun to have a little birthday twin.

[Word Nerd]

I just remembered that my cousin Dana used to date a girl named Dana.

[Impish]

Oh nevermind names! Someone in the family got upset that DD was born on HIS birth date. How inconsiderate of me.

Ha! When my niece was born on my birthday, I got informed by my mother that it was no longer MY birthday, but hers! Huh?!

 

MIL informed me that Boo didn't have HIS birthday, he was SHARING hers.

 

Ppl find the whackiest things to get hot and bothered about.

[crazyforlatin]

I just remembered that my cousin Dana used to date a girl named Dana.

 

How about when Taylor dated Taylor (yeah, Swift and Lautner)? Those kinds of coincidences are supposed to mean something.

 

Or not.

[JeneralMom]

Our kids have family middle names so that wouldn't bother me, but their first names are unique and special to them and us. They have meaning to us and we put a lot of thought into it. I would be upset if a close relative said "oh pretty name, I'm going to use it too." I actually had this happen with a new acquaintance. All of her kids have names that start with "L" and when she met my DD3 and was pregnant with her #5 she decided to use her name because it was pretty. Kind of bothered me because I had never met another kid with her name and now there was one living down the street.

 

My brother's girls are way older than mine and the only name they share is a middle name. My cousins are all a decade+ younger than me and the eldest is just about to have his first child (in March). I doubt they would use any of our names.

[Pippen]

My father's family took recycling family names to a truly ridiculous extreme(my father's first name was the same as an older sibling that died before he was born) so it would not phase me in the least. My mother's side of the family is not much better, she is the fifth generation with the same first name. She horrified her mother by breaking tradition and giving me a different name.

 

We have a very small family so using the same random names would bother me. In a large extended family especially, I would expect some duplication, especially with common or family names.

 

I know a family who gave all their boys the same middle name (dad's first name).

[J-rap]

Second cousins twice removed... No problem

 

Generational names done as an honor to someone... Grandson named after grandfather... No problem

 

Common names that everyone has... David, Michael, Jennifer, etc. ... No problem

 

However, unique names that took time to think up... Like, say, Penelope. Or Xavier. That your sister then copies for her own daughter or son and her kids are close in age to yours and you see them frequently?

 

Yeah, that's rude. And a bit weird.

 

This, exactly! On a slightly different note, I was pregnant with a daughter at the same time as another woman in our small church. We weren't close friends, and we didn't talk about baby names or anything. Our daughter was born first, and three months later her daughter was born, and she named her the same name exactly -- first and middle! That seemed a little weird to me, even if she had been planning it all along. Maybe she could have changed the middle name at least. (It wasn't a special family name, just a name she liked.) It's a small community and these two girls would be growing up together, side by side. Oh well. They're seniors now and I guess they lived through it. :)

[BigMamaBird]

I voted other. If we were closely related AND saw each other a lot, I wouldn't be offended but I'd be annoyed. One of our criteria for naming a baby is that it not be in the top 20 Popular Names. To turn around and have a family member choose the same name would annoy me. I'd get over it, but I'd be "put out." Not offended though and it wouldn't affect our relationship. I'd complain to my Dh but no one else would hear it.

[Hwin]

If it is a family name I think it's fair game. For example, in our family, if the baby is named "Mary" or "Robert" you can't really accuse the person of stealing. My cousin has a Maggie named after our grandma and, if I were to have a few more babies and they were girls (unlikely) I would consider Margaret but go with a different nickname, such as Meg (you know, like Meg in Little Women).

[TammyS]

...if a near relative (think cousin or closer) gave their baby the same name as your kid? I know it's different for each family. It came up because dh and I are expecting and we've run up against a problem. It's important to us that the name for our baby is from the Bible. But I come from a very big family and over half their names are from the Bible. Every name my husband liked, I have a brother, cousin or cousin's child with that name. I think that we shouldn't "steal" a name from a family member, dh doesn't think it matters. (But he comes from a family of 5 other people besides the kids and me.)

 

What says the Hive?

 

I don't think it's a problem AT ALL. Nobody owns a name. If they did, you wouldn't be able to use the Bible names, either, because they've already been used in the Bible.

[TammyS]

Personally, it would put some serious damage into my relationship with the person who did it.

I think it is rude and insensitive to use a first name already used in your near family as a first name. Middle names are usually reserved for naming after someone, IMO/IME.

 

A niece of mine named her daughter the exact same name (spelling and all) of her own male cousin. That was even more rude and insensitive, but that niece is a real piece of work anyway. It did damage the relationships in the family and niece's obstinate response that she could name baby whatever she wanted did nothing to help matters either.

 

Obviously, YMMV.

 

I guess I'm a piece of work, too, because I agree with your niece completely and totally. It is her baby and she does get to name it. That anyone would even think they get an opinion about it, much less a vote, sound to me like lunacy. And I wouldn't worry in the least about damaging those relationships. If they can be "seriously damaged" by that, then they aren't worth bothering with anyway.

 

Just. Wow.

[xixstar]

Totally depends.

 

DH has a brother with 3 children we never see and I don't know them at all having only met them once after we married. I wanted to name dd after my grandmother - his niece has the same name with a different spelling. I didn't see anything wrong with it.

 

However, if they were cousins we were really close to, seen often and such, I would possible have had more reservations about doing so. And if it was something like my sister's kids, I'm not really close to them either but yet do feel more connected to, I would probably have not used the name unless I talked to her first.

 

The only person that seems to have a problem with our name choices is Grandma/MIL.

[Wildcat]

,

[RootAnn]

Many years ago, my SIL named her oldest the same name I was planning on naming my first girl. It happens to be the same name my sister planned on naming her girl because it is the name of her imaginary friend from childhood. (Sister is probably not having any kids, but that wasn't known at the time.) It didn't stop me from actually naming my girl that name. All three of us have different last names.

 

A second SIL pointed out that if she had a girl (three boys so far!), she'd like to name her a derivative of this same name. I don't think she should care what we named our daughters & should stick to her guns. More power to her.

 

It is a VERY popular girl's name, BTW. Definitely top 10 for the past upteen years.

[Luanne]

The only two in our family who have the same name are second cousins. One goes by Andrew and the other goes by Drew. I think they have seen each other maybe three times in their lifespans. Andrew is almost 20 and Drew is 23. If the relationship were closer, I think someone would have had a problem with it.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

For first names: If it is a common name or a Biblical name. Then no, these are for everyone. If it is a special name or a name with a creative spelling then I would be miffed if a family member copied.

For first and middle name combinations: no excuse to copy unless there is some family history with the name.

 

Also if a name has a very special meaning and the family knows it but a member still uses it, that would be another reason to be upset.

[Parrothead]

It wouldn't bother me, but we are not a close family.

 

As for biblical names, well even in the Bible there is a lot of overlap. Just count the Marys. We only know of six:

Mary, the mother of Jesus

Mary the mother of James and John

Mary, the sister of Martha

Mary, the wife of Cleophas

Mary Magdalene

Mary who was greeted by Paul

 

What are the odds that every Mary in the Bible names every Mary that was in the region at the time Jesus lived.

[Jennifer3141]

I could not care less what anyone outside of my family names their children.

[Remudamom]

I don't think anyone should be offended over something so trivial.

[vonfirmath]

Depends on how close the relative is.

 

My sister used David for a son so I won't use that for our son.

 

But a cousin used Caleb and I feel no need to take that off of our list of possible names.

[LMD]

Well, first I'd about fall over because most everyone in our families were vocal in their dislike of our name choices! :D

 

And honestly, I'd be a bit put out. Not enough to damage the relationships (unless it was done spitefully), but it would annoy me. It would annoy DH too, there are a lot of overlapping names on his side of the family - for example, he shares his first name with his father and his maternal-grandfather, so we specifically tried to avoid that.

 

I agree though that if it was a common or family-tradition name then it's fair game. And it would make a difference to me if it was a close sibling or distant cousin (I have a lot of those, I couldn't possibly keep track of all their kid's names!).

[LadyR]

I'm not sure how I'd feel now. I might feel honored now that my kids are older. But perhaps if my kids were babies and they had really unique names, then I might feel badly.

 

This brings back a memory of when my husband and I were really struggling with infertility, I had told my MIL a name I had chosen should I ever have a girl. It was a unique name and I would use a unique spelling of it. Shortly after that my SIL named her daughter that same name with that same spelling. She was in the next room when I had that conversation with my MIL but she claimed she never heard me. I just remember feeling really sad.