Night Elf Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 If your DH/DW declines health wise, or passes away, how prepared are you to handle everything on your own? I realized that if something happened to DH, I would have no idea where to start. I asked him to sit down with me soon to write out all the things that would be important to do and people to contact. For example, I know we have life insurance and investments but I don't know specifics about them. I've always let DH handle those things. I feel bad that I don't know these things but they've just never been important because I always felt young. I didn't think about getting old or bad things happening. But we're middle aged and DH is 11 years older than me. He's also smarter. These things seem so complicated to me, but they make total sense to him. I am just realizing how very dependent I am on him. We rewrote our wills earlier this year to rename the guardian of our children and to name a new executor. But I didn't really understand it all. I feel rather stupid when it comes to this stuff. Am I really so unusual? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeaganS Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 It would be the opposite problem for my dh. While we talk about money stuff and plan it together, I take care of the specifics. So while he knows we have car insurance, he doesn't know with whom. That kind of thing. I would probably be fine, but I also have a very business savvy dad and fil so I wouldn't be alone if I needed help with stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Opposite end here. I do all the banking, etc. Wolf wouldn't have the foggiest if something happened to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 It would be the opposite problem for my dh. While we talk about money stuff and plan it together, I take care of the specifics. So while he knows we have car insurance, he doesn't know with whom. That kind of thing. I would probably be fine, but I also have a very business savvy dad and fil so I wouldn't be alone if I needed help with stuff. :iagree: My biggest issue would be income. I take care of all household running or financial aspects of our lives. Not well, but it's my responsibility. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Either one of us would know what to do. We are both equally aware of finances, insurance, running of the house, etc. We also both work full time and would be able to survive financially. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Either of us would initially flounder on a few things but be able to get ourselves up to speed eventually w/o too much stumbling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I know enough to move forward. We don't have huge investments and our lifestyle is fairly simple at this point. I know what kind of income I would have upon his death and it would be enough for me to work part-time from home, at least while ds is still being homeschooled. My bigger concern would be long-term disability. His current state of health has limited his working ability to some extent. So, we've had to adjust expectations already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 If my husband died, I would be fine. I handle the finances and know where all the paperwork is for everything. My biggest problem would be in knowing what needs to be done as far as home upkeep...the stuff he does but I could figure it out. You just reminded me that I keep thinking I need to make things a little easier for my husband if something were to happen to me. I have a system for bills and paperwork but he needs to know it in order to take care of things and we do need to update our wills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I knew everything. It's still a MAJOR pia. I can't imagine handling this if I did not know the financials and other pertinent info. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 We divide our work, and DH handles the finances, but I have a general overview over our finances and insurance. We make all important financial decisions together. All information is in labeled binders, and if I had to, I could easily find what details I need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I would know or be able to find everything I needed. I pay most of the bills and have passwords and online access to all but one account. My husband is more involved in things like life insurance, because we get ours through his employer. But, we just sat down a couple of nights ago to go over our selections for medical and dental and life insurance stuff, because the open enrollment period for next year was ending. So, I know more or less what we have and that it is handled by the benefits folks at his employer. I'm capable of making a few phone calls if anything happened to him. We don't have wills, but should. Our current loose plan is to buy software and do our own. So, I'll be involved in that process. We don't have any money, and our kids are older, meaning it shouldn't be especially complicated. There are a few lingering investments and such from his father's estate, of which he is co-executor. His youngest brother is the other one and is in the loop. So, he'd answer any questions for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Here are some resources you might find useful to getting your plans together: answers. - http://www.answersbook.com/index.htm from the website: "Forms that families can fill out listing everything a relative or neighbor should know in an emergency." -New York Times Becky Barker, who created answers. when her husband's sudden death left her with questions and decisions she was not prepared for … Flylady Basic Control Journal - http://www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/flying-lessons/control-journal/ Other Flylady Control Journals (financial, home maintenance, etc) - http://www.flylady.net/d/control-journals/ Best wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I pay all the bills but dh knows where all the information is, account numbers, passwords, etc. He set up many of the accounts, I only took them over a few years ago. Either of us could find the important documents that are needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Michelle* Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I handle that end here. I have a binder with paperwork and instructions for my husband if something should happen to me. Which reminds me, I need to make sure it's updated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 We are both aware of all financial information, both the big stuff like investments and insurance as well as the the day to day things. Truthfully, I would have a bit of a learning curve since we pay bills together, but he is the one using the online bill payer as we go. Running the household stuff would be harder for him than me, but he would be able to use the life insurance money to hire some help. I honestly worry more about long term illness or injury to either of us. The family can financially survive the death of one or both of us, but would likely buckle under a prolonged illness/injury. (And that is with long term care insurance!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thewaka Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 He handles the finances but I know enough to do it if I needed to. The problem right now would be schooling (and I am starting to have some serious health concerns so he or the children might have to handle it even if I'm living). I have been working on planning the high school years since I'll have two doing it next year, but the 4yo doesn't have a plan written down. I need to work on what curriculum and how to get it then tell him and the oldest two where to find them. I might even make lesson plans in HST+ for all the years to come so at least he can just pick up where I left off (though I don't think I could talk him into learning how to use it - I would have to show the older two). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomemom Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 It's the opposite for me. I handle the bills, etc. here. I worry that my dh and boys would not have a clue. They'd be left going :confused:. Seriously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlktwins Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I handle that end here. I have a binder with paperwork and instructions for my husband if something should happen to me. Which reminds me, I need to make sure it's updated. I do this too and I am in the process of updating :-). DH is an attorney and would do fine with the financial end if I were gone, but he loves that he doesn't have to handle any of this now. He knows I keep a folder with the bills that need to be paid. He has never paid a bill on-line, but I have all instructions and pw in a place he can find them. We discuss and decide on big investements together, but handle the setting up of accounts and money transfers if at all possible. I also have instructions for my funernal should I go first. We we lost my mom unexpectedly when I was 32 and no one had any idea what kind of funeral she would want. My dad and sister were totally useless so I did it all. I will not do that to my husband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 It's the opposite for me. I handle the bills, etc. here. I worry that my dh and boys would not have a clue. They'd be left going :confused:. Seriously. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I would be ok, but dh would be in trouble. He's gotten better, but I took over his checkbook 2 weeks after we started dating for a reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtoamiracle Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 It would be rough but I think everything could be taken care of. Dh keeps meticulous records. Everything is organized by month and by year. We have a white board with every monthly bill listed and running totals on those debts. All of our insurance is with one company. We have no investments and one small bank account. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 It would be slightly more complicated for DH than for me. He is active duty military, so during deployments I do take care of everything. He knows all of our banking information, insurance, etc. He'd just have to get up to speed on due dates for paying the bills. He also knows where all of our important information is, but that doesn't stop him from asking me every time he needs something like that (ie: birth certificate to get his driver's license.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 It would be rough, but I think I could go through our files and sort it all out. I have NO IDEA how DH would manage the single task of brushing DD's hair, let alone serving healthy allergen-free meals, bathing the kids or... ok I'm getting depressed now. Let's just both not die until the kids are grown up, mmmk? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 (edited) We have a system, and a place for everything. I would be able to get my hands on whatever is needed. My dh & I are filing freaks, and we have a *very specific* will. But don't make me think about that. Edited October 29, 2012 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whoareyou Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I'm a single mom. I do it all. My 12 yr old knows where the important binder is, who the important people to call are, that type of thing. He knows - loosely- what path he wants to take up til college and he has an idea what type of university he wants to attend. The right people can help him get there. My ex isn't involved and has no rights. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I handle it all already. As Joanne said it is a big pita. But I wouldn't have to worry about not knowing how to do things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StartingOver Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Hubby wouldn't have a clue, but it is all spelled out for him along side our will. I handle all the finances, insurance and investments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I handle all our finances so I would have no problem. He would have some confusion at first, but he did the finances for a while before so I am sure he could do it. He knows where the passwords are. What I think he would have a hard time with is being the only parent for our two girls who are still so dependent on us and who both have lots of medical problems. He also would be kind of lost as to what to do educationally wise with our daughter. But she is almost 16, and will be getting her dl in early next year, so presumably she could continue to be homeschooled with him looking over at night. SHe does her lit in co-op and it would be easy enough to add history and Spanish outside of the home and then he could handle all science and math easily with her. I think handling their medical issues would be actually harder for him. Also, I handle all the youngest's outside activities and he would need to get up to speed. It would be hard for him, harder than it would be for me. My main problem would be lonliness. His would be lonliness plus a lot more work plus confusion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I had to face this possibility with a cancer diagnosis a while back. Yes, I think I am ready, but I could not return to work full time AND maintain the household without some changes. I believe we would not continue to home school (I say this knowing that we have an option of a wonderful private school nearby and a substantial life insurance policy). I did realize that I actually was not really a good candidate for the workforce after being a stay at home mom for 15 years. My field was very specialized and times have changed. As time permits, I am doing some studying to enable me to be ready to go back to work when I am no longer home schooling. It is a good feeling to know I am on the road to being better able to generate income should that become necessary. Current challenge is to get presently-healthy hubby to take out long term care insurance on himself NOW, in case there is a recurrence (yes, he qualifies now, but may not if he waits much longer). I want to be able to afford home health care, because the scenario of him needing full time care and me needing to maintain the household and kids' schedules at the same time... that is overwhelming to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CupOCoffee Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I would not be prepared AT ALL....he takes care of all the bills; has all the account info, etc. We don't have investments or anything else fancy, but I wouldn't be able to pay any bills if something happened to him suddenly. Since I am the income earner, I don't have that to worry about; but I would have to figure out what to do with the kids during the day. As for if anything happened to me...well, I would worry about homeschooling, I would worry about how far he could survive on insurance money, and I would worry about mental stability. His health issues affect him mentally to a great extent. I am confident that he could depend on MIL to help him out in these areas though. Guess we have some work to do around here..... ~coffee~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 It would be the opposite problem for my dh. :iagree: Which is why I've told my attorney brother everything and made him my executor and DPOA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I knew everything. It's still a MAJOR pia. I can't imagine handling this if I did not know the financials and other pertinent info. This. DH has big insurance policy. I know where are finances stand, but I hate doing that side of household mgemnt. Live, dh!! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I handle most of our financial affairs and always have so this would not be an issue. I organize the important paperwork like life insurance and such. I think he would know where to find this information if something happens to me suddenly, but this is a good reminder to me to tell him just in case. I was in the OP's position in my first marriage. When it ended, I didn't know which end was up, but I figured it out quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 We've been through a version of this when my husband had a stroke. He was hit really hard, and couldn't do much of anything for two years (anything dealing with language and speech was impossible for him to do). Our lifestyle was fairly simple though, and he had been quite meticulous and organized, so it wasn't too difficult to jump in. One of the trickiest things is that he paid most bills online and I didn't know the passwords, and he couldn't tell me. Fortunately he was an attorney, so he had Power of Attorneys, Wills, Long-term Disability Insurance, etc. all in order. It has really made things so much easier. After two years, the fog is starting to lift, and he is able to start helping me with all of this again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Dh was in a panic when I first came home from the hospital, for just this reason. I handle all the financial stuff, and he has no idea what our bills are. I'm fairly organized, and I've shown him where I keep everything, so he would be able to figure things out in an absolute emergency. I've asked him several times to participate in all of this with me, but he has no desire to do so. We both have adequate life insurance, living wills and regular wills. He didn't remember where all that stuff was kept, so I reminded him. When I'm back to full health, I'm going to re-organize and very clearly label everything just in case he needs it. Two days after I came home from the hospital, I paid bills online and wrote out a check for our house payment and had my sister deposit it. I guess he was at work when I did all that, because a week later, dh came and asked me to show him where the bills were so he could pay them. He was astonished that I had already done it. :lol: I said, "Dude. It's Oct. 12. The house payment is due on the 1st. I didn't get it in until the 5th, but I didn't forget about it." ;) He was so relieved because he didn't want to have to figure out the online bill bay stuff as well. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I handle all the finances, and I know exactly where we stand with insurance and such. I've also been through dealing with a messy estate with my step-father's death. I would be fine..at least on paper. (Mentally I would be a mess) My dh knows where our records ARE, but that is about it. He'll have a harder time, but I do try to keep things organized so that IF something happens, he can at least find it all. (Not like with my step-dad who had things crammed in shoe boxes all over the house!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 One of the trickiest things is that he paid most bills online and I didn't know the passwords, and he couldn't tell me. Fortunately he was an attorney, so he had Power of Attorneys, Wills, Long-term Disability Insurance, etc. all in order. It has really made things so much easier. This is why I do have all my passwords written down, along with specific websites and user names for all of our online billing. Otherwise dh would be completely at a loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I know most of what we have and do. Husband has been simplifying our financial situation, which makes life easier. The mortgage is in joint names and I know how to access the life insurance details. I manage the household's annual insurance policies (cars, houses, etc.). Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeschoolMamaOfTwo Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 It is my husband that would have no idea what to do if something happened to me. He has said it before, that he'd have no idea what to do. So I made him a book with all the info I felt comfortable putting in it. The stuff that I didn't want just laying around, I put under a password that he knows and he can find it if he needs to. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 We are both very aware of our finances, banking accounts, location of insurance policies, names of agents to contact, etc. However, dd doesn't know all of this and in the unlikely event that something happens to both of us at once, she would be inheriting her brothers. So, along with a copy of our will and trust, we made up a file folder of all of this and gave it to our dear pastor who is also close to dd and her fiance. He agreed to help them navigate all of this if necessary. If something happened to me, the hardest thing...logistically for dh, would be either balancing work and homeschool or enrolling the kids in school. Our local school is abysmal, totally.100%.academically.bankrupt. and just about that bad morally. So, dh would have a difficult choice to make. There would be plenty of money to work with and he could either move to the city and enroll the kids in one of the VERY stellar magnate/prep schools in the area and pay tuition, hire tutors for the subjects he won't have time to handle and homeschool them part-time himself, or quit work for a little while and finish homeschooling them all the way through. My dear, dear friend, the principal of the Lutheran school that I once taught at, has an up-to-date copy of transcripts, course descriptions, curriculum, and the like plus a small portfolio of their work so that if dh choose to move and enroll them, she can help him navigate all of that paperwork as well as make sure they are properly placed in classes that match their abilities. However, when the children were little and we had three boys 3.5 and under, I can honestly say we weren't quite so organized. Either one of us would have had a difficult time because we didn't seem to find the necessary moments to make sure we had everything on paper other than a very simple will indicating who should get guardianship of the kids as well as the names of our insurance companies. That was it. Those were the blur years. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I handle the finances so I have easy access to it all. He might struggle but I've put how to get to it all in one place that hopefully he would know how to access. However, this morning for some reason I woke up in a panic, realizing that over the last 8 years of being a SAHM, I no longer have myself together on paper. I could not put my hands on my high school or college transcripts, and I do not even have a copy of a resume to start one over from. If I had to get back into the job market quickly, or back into school, I would have some hurdles to clear. So this week I'm reassembling all of that information. I have no plans to do anything with it anytime soon - I just want to have it all together just in case I need it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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