Why the panic of middle school (public)

[UmMusa]

In my little circle of friends, many moms who've up till now had their DC either in private Islamic school, homeschool, and/or public school are talking about public school middle school like it is a bad word. I've talked to about 5 moms separately over the past few weeks, and the tone shifts to something so serious when middle school is mentioned and how "we have to homeschool them during middle school because there is no way they can go to public school at that age."

 

(the private Islamic school is only preK-6th)

 

I've done all 3. My kids started at Islamic school, went to public school for a year and a half, and have been homeschooled 2 years now. My oldest will be 6th grade which is middle school here. He is dying to get out of the house for school, and we've discussed it a lot lately. I feel good with letting him out of my little homeschool environment, but after all these serious tones from my friends I'm wondering if I'm missing something?

 

I've read some articles lately in big papers about how these years are not used well in the system, how K-8 would be better, etc... but will it mess him up?

 

Some moms are suggesting we get our boys (all grade 6) together, each one using the Virtual Academy free here in WA (WAVA), and have them do school in addition to religious studies, pe, labs, field trips, etc.. which we'd have to hire out. That's kind of a hybrid solution, and it would be a start-up; nothing is guaranteed or tested before.

 

What are your thoughts? To answer a possible first question: I don't feel convicted to h/s the kids through high school. My initial reason to h/s was to instill religious values in them. If they're going to go to high school out there, then I don't mind letting them establish their ways in middle school.

[happycc]

But I am going to be one of those mamas who say get them out of middle school and homeschool them.

 

I have had bad bad experiences. I have absolute regret sending my three olders to school. They got involved with a bad crowd or seemed to be attracted to that. In elementary school they seemed ok. Then suddenly around 5th/6th grade things went awry and my kids went to K-8 public school with only 200 kids. Two of them eventually went to 6-8th grade school in a blue ribbon 5 star school. The kids got involved with some kind of biting game, some inappropriate sexual pics were passed around the school yard, some kind of inappropriate touching game, boy/girl "stuff" in the middle school bathrooms, one boy threatened to shoot and kill my daughter, in third grade my son was mad that I hadn;t taught him all the bad/slang words were and these are the things I was made aware of....who knows what all else was going on. I just know my son would call me school from the bathroom crying and begging me to come pick him up almost regularly in middle school. I couldnt do anything about it because his father said he had to be in school.

 

Things are a mess with all three of them right now. Part of it is school related and part of it is because they are products of divorce with two parents who parent very very differently. One is way too lenient and education is not important and the other the opposite. Anyways the three of them ganged up on me last year saying I was too strict/restrictive and lied to their dad about me. My ex was with the sheriff;s dept and called them and they made a report to CPS. CPS pushed my ex to fight for full custody. My ex was able to get full custody of the kids and very happy that he didn;t have to pay child support anymore.

 

Now I find out my almost 18yrs old who is two years behind in school because of some learning challenges wants to quit high school and has flunked two classes. For months, he hasn;t even been living with my ex. He has been living with another family. My 15yrs old has gotten into drinking/drugs/boys/shoplifting and grades have dropped significantly. My 14yrs old has some definite issues. Grade wise she is ok but attitude is another thing. I spoke with a teacher at their middle school and said that my 15yrs old had hooked up with some very very bad influences and that was one of the reasons that led her to lie to her dad about me. Before she had made that call on me accusing me of telling her to jump off a bridge, she told she was going to do anything she could to not live with me ever again. A few hours prior to that, she had text messaged me to ask if she could spend the night at a friends house and I said no because I had never met the kid or parent and knew this kid had some really inappropriate posts on Facebook such as post a video of her physically beating up another girl.

Now, my older kids were up until public school really good kids. Never a major problem. People always said how polite they were and that we seemed like we all had a great relationship. The kids and I were very close when we were homeschooling. I never thought it would end up like this. My heart has been broken a million times over and I have worried myself sick and into deep depression over the situation. The things that keep me moving forward is my husband, my younger kids, and now my new baby.

 

 

Now my younger kids begged me to take them out of school because of the bad kids/influence. They didn;t like the bullying and the mean kids plus they told me they didn;t want to become like the older kids. They have seen my kids go downhill and they have seen their half siblings go downhill from their biomoms side. My youngers have cried and cried missing their older stepsiblings and remembering how nice they were to them and playing with them. The saw the change and freaked them out and they don;t want to be like them. They kept asking me why they were so mean to me and why they were so mean in general. The cursing, the yelling, the disrespect ...it was horrible. Now two of my youngers are at the same age as the change started happening with the olders but I am not seeing the same issues.

 

So my story is probably to the extreme of what could go wrong as my ex husband had his police department to back him up and make my life miserable but please be ready for a whole rude awakening of a new kind of life to come into play in your house. The middle school drama is a mess. Just be prepared if you decide to let your son go to school. Stay really involved. Make sure you and your husband are on the same page and you back each other up. Watch out for the facebook/online stuff. It can get really messy and mean.

 

Perhaps other people on here have better public middle school experience. If so, perhaps you can be more encouraging of the decision.

[whitestavern]

I have had discussions about middle school with my sisters-in-law because I go back and forth about sending my dd to ps. I'm 99% sure I will not be homeschooling either dc for high school, and I've often wondered if I should send dd in a year or two prior to "get used to" ps. In these discussions my sisters-in-law have mostly focused on the social aspect of middle school. They say the girls especially are just very very mean in those years/grades (FYI, they are both in good school systems in the suburbs of CT) and have told me NOT to put my dd in for middle school. Apparently the social dynamic changes once they're in high school. So while I have no personal experience to answer your question, I had been hearing the same things as you have, and that is the reason I was given.

 

I still haven't made up my mind about sending my dd prior to high school--she's going into 7th in the fall--but I will be keeping her home for at least one more year.

[Carrie12345]

My opinion? Middle schoolers have mush for brains in the social department. They're (naturally) pushing the boundaries with a complete (natural) lack of forethought. Stick em in a box and they eat each other.

 

My son did transfer into 8th grade in a k-8 school. There were only 50-something 8th graders. It went fine for the most part, but he isn't a very social person to begin with! I would rather have eaten my own foot than send him to my local junior high (7th-9th, with 1,000 kids.)

[Annabel Lee]

UmMusa,

I would proceed with much caution approaching ps middle school, but that's a generalization. What is the school like that your son would attend? How high are the highs (how far can he go in a positive way, how high will they allow him to soar... or do they mostly herd students through the system?) and how low are the lows (bullying, violence, sex, drugs, discrimination, etc.)? Do the highs - the amount of positive opportunities - outweigh the lows?

 

I was once told by a very wise person that if I could only keep my kids out of one level of public school, middle school/jr. high would be it. It is an isolated place where they don't have to hold themselves accountable as examples to younger children, and aren't mentored by older ones either. His advice to me was also not to use the amount or level of "lows" a school has as my determining criteria, because that's looking at it with the expectation that my child will go that direction. Instead, he told me to look for the school(s) that had the highest "highs" - the highest level opportunites, most inspiring teachers, most programs which interested my dc, etc.

 

My personal experience in a ps jr. high was extremely negative and shifted the entire path my life took for a long time, much like happycc described above. My dd was exposed to so much just in the few elementary school years that she went to ps that I sent her to a small charter school for jr. high to avoid the ps. There are going to be "lows" in every school, whether ps or the most prestigious or most religious private schools, but the difference is how much. That really depends on the kids, the teachers, the parents, and enforcement of good rules to create a good environment - which is not impossible at a ps. There are a lot of variables to consider.

 

Now she's in ps high school, and while she's doing okay, I wish it were better than just "okay", kwim? She's had some struggles. I feel as though she is being steeped daily in a culture hostile to our morals and faith, one that eats away at them very subtly. She's become quite accustomed to a "normal" that I wish she weren't so used to - much of it shouldn't be normal. I have to be vigilant about maintaining faith studies and upholding our values. Comparatively, this child is in the group of the most grounded, "on the right track" kids in her school, so even with the struggles it doesn't get a whole lot better. On a positive note, she's had a few truly great teachers that have inspired her to enjoy learning (those subjects anyhow). This is out of 13+ she's had so far, though. On the other hand, a couple have been horrendous and I've wondered if they are sitting on their tenured bums, retaining these jobs just to collect retirement soon - not for interest in teaching. Talk to other parents who've had kids in the school to find out which teachers they really enjoyed. For me, it's a mixed bag.

 

You know your child best. After doing some digging to discover the "highs and lows" of the prospective school, do you have confidence that he'll hold to the foundation you've given him? Can he withstand the "lows"? I'm not asking to induce doubt, but for consideration with the open mind with which you seem to be approaching this.

Edited June 27, 2012 by Annabel Lee

[laundrycrisis]

I only have my own middle school experience to go on, but while I remember some typical meanness up through 5th grade, the move to middle school in 6th grade was when the lid really came off the box. It's like the kids all decided that since they were big now, it was time to be cool with all kinds of sex and drug related behavior. This was in the early 80s in a pretty affluent town that was supposed to be one of the two best school districts in the state. If I had to choose only one span of years to home school, it would be the middle school years. By 10th grade many of the kids had settled down and chosen to be "good kids", and there was enough social support for that choice that it was no longer isolating. But in middle school, whoa. It seemed like everyone was out to try living on the edge and anyone who wasn't going along with that being cool was very much isolated and targeted for all kinds of bullying.

[shinyhappypeople]

I only have my own middle school experience to go on, but while I remember some typical meanness up through 5th grade, the move to middle school in 6th grade was when the lid really came off the box. It's like the kids all decided that since they were big now, it was time to be cool with all kinds of sex and drug related behavior. This was in the early 80s in a pretty affluent town that was supposed to be one of the two best school districts in the state. If I had to choose only one span of years to home school, it would be the middle school years. By 10th grade many of the kids had settled down and chosen to be "good kids", and there was enough social support for that choice that it was no longer isolating. But in middle school, whoa. It seemed like everyone was out to try living on the edge and anyone who wasn't going along with that being cool was very much isolated and targeted for all kinds of bullying.

 

:iagree: Middle school is a hell-hole. It's a cess pool of raging hormones, bullying and feeling "big" without the maturity to back it up.

 

Yeah, there are some really nice kids, too, but for the most part their voices are drowned out by the sick drama being played out by their peers.

 

Even though I'd originally planned to put the girls in PS for elementary (plans changed, obviously), I was ADAMANT that they would never, ever step foot in middle school.

 

By high school, things seem to mellow out quite a bit. But middle school? Just... no. No, no, no, no, no.

[cloudswinger]

To me, middle school is when puberty really starts nowadays. Kids are emotionally unstable, and are taking it out on friends and family. The rebellion and sexual experimentation start. I'd rather let dd have shelter from all the craziness to be able to deal with her own transition without bad influences. Kids have generally settled down by the time high school starts, their personalities are more developed. My plan was always to hs through middle school.

[MIch elle]

In retrospect, I wish I HAD put my older ds in middle school. He homeschooled k-8, then attended private high school (just graduated).

 

My younger ds homeschooled k-7. We then enrolled him in public school gr. 8. It went very well for him. He just finished gr. 9 in public school and was awarded the algebra excellence award for the highest grade for that subject for all of grade 9 students. If I enrolled him in grade 7, he would have placed properly for math and would have taken algebra 1 for grade 8 instead he took pre-algebra and then algebra 1 for grade 9 (it was too easy). For soph. yr, he'll be taking alg. 2 and geometry to get caught up in math.

 

Middle school is a great place to enroll your homeschool students because it gets them use to the academic expectations. Colleges don't look at middle school grades. But this is ONLY if your middle school is an academic, safe environment for your dc.

Edited June 27, 2012 by MIch elle

[rdj2027]

We just took our son out of public middle school due to school policies (this too is a highly acclaimed, affluent district in CA). He has Asperger's, dysgraphia, and some serious vision issues. When we moved here two years ago the school told us that it would be no problem, they would evaluate and he'd be put on an IEP. Nothing happened, he went from being a straight A student to barely C's because he cannot see the board and nobody can read his writing. Every solution we suggested they opposed telling us that in middle school they have to be independent and we as parents have to stay out of his school life. The students here are punished for every little infraction, whether it is their fault or not "to instill discipline" yet when the school messes up, there is no accountability whatsoever (i.e. my son was sent to a wrong room by the office after he came in late due to an excused absence. He went back to the office telling them no one was there and was trying to figure out where he needed to go. He was held over after school for an hour for being tardy). One morning he walks into the gym to find his locker wide open, the lock sawed off and his PE clothing all gone. He was docked a grade on an exam they took that day for not having his PE clothing. The school told us they could not be held responsible for the incident since it was our son's responsibility to make sure he always had his materials and he should have packed a back-up set.

He is a really good kid and was moving quickly towards being depressed because he never could get anything right and felt he was failing all the time.

At that point we knew that our youngest son would never make it in that environment. He is a lively, fidgety little guy who was suspended in elementary school after he got back at a bully. The principal told us that it was our son's responsibility not to let other people bully him.

Being in the military and just having returned from a combat zone my husband also had difficulties to accept the rule that the school could search lockers, backpacks and children at any point without reason or cause and in the absence of parents. He felt almost betrayed by that; he put his life on the line so that others have a reasonable sense of personal sanctity only to come home and find out that this would not apply to his own children.

In this district there is a lot of talk about "responsibility" and "independence" but their definition seems toxic to us. We do not wish our children to grow up with the idea that rules and laws only apply to some people but not to others. There were many more incidences and it may only be due to the people in this district but I am so glad that neither us nor our youngest two children won't have to deal with that environment anymore.

Academic wise the school was fine compared to others but we were still not happy with the lack of so many subjects (foreign language, geography, arts, music...), there was a lot of repetition to "get them ready for high school".

[mom2scouts]

I do not plan to give my children the option of returning to school in middle school. My father was a middle school teacher for 40 years and, while he really enjoys kids that age, he asked me to please not put my children back in school in middle school. He said either elementary or high school, but not middle school. I also have a friend who currently works in our local middle school and the stories she tells make me go :001_huh:. They are brutal to each other. The raging hormones, bullying, and cliquishness are at their peak. My friend told me that the kids talk about oral sex and other sexual experimentation, alcohol and drugs. Teachers say that there's not much academic stuff getting done. My older kids tell me middle school was awful. This is a highly rated school district in a small city.

[Mrs Twain]

In retrospect, I wish I HAD put my older ds in middle school. He homeschooled k-8, then attended private high school (just graduated).

 

My younger ds homeschooled k-7. We then enrolled him in public school gr. 8. It went very well for him. He just finished gr. 9 in public school and was awarded the algebra excellence award for the highest grade for that subject for all of grade 9 students. If I enrolled him in grade 7, he would have placed properly for math and would have taken algebra 1 for grade 8 instead he took pre-algebra and then algebra 1 for grade 9 (it was too easy). For soph. yr, he'll be taking alg. 2 and geometry to get caught up in math.

 

Middle school is a great place to enroll your homeschool students because it gets them use to the academic expectations. Colleges don't look at middle school grades. But this is ONLY if your middle school is an academic, safe environment for your dc.

 

I am strongly leaning toward homeschooling for middle school, but the issues I am concerned about are regarding high school level courses. Evidently many high schools (unlike colleges) do not accept homeschool high school courses.

 

For example, I may teach my child Algebra I in 7th grade and Geometry in 8th grade in my homeschool, and then enroll him in high school for 9th grade. However, my local public high school may not recognize those math courses because my homeschool is not accredited by their standards. Some high schools make homeschooled children do a lot of testing to prove that they know the course content before they are allowed to take higher level courses, and other high schools make them repeat the classes (i.e. take Algebra I again in 9th grade).

 

It seems to me that if you start doing high school level classes at home, you may need to complete all of high school at home.

 

Some states allow students to be a part-time student for high school level courses. In that way, they could do most of middle or high school at home, but could choose one or two classes to take at the local public school. This could be a middle ground solution for people who are thinking of homeschooling through middle school, though it would not completely avoid the social issues.

[ktgrok]

Middle school is an awful place. I've often said that hell is probably just one big middle school. And that was what I remember from years ago, it is so much worse now. The "A" school near us has pregnant 6th graders...one on her second child. A friend who is a teacher in a middle school said there are girls trading sex for Ipods and other electronics. Drugs are rampant.

 

We have no decision about what we will do for high school, but middle school is NOT an option.

[swellmomma]

My junior high teachers (basically middle school here) used to call that age range teh vietnam of school. At that age the kids will eat you up and spit you out. I have found the height of bullying is during that age range, puberty hits so all brains go out the door and hormones rule etc. I have found that who teh child is with and where their focus is during middle school will determine high school success. Yes some kids turn it around and do very well in high school, but so many head down the wrong path before they get there.

 

Keeping your middle school kids home to keep the family unit at the forefront, emphasizing academics not dating, limiting exposure to negative influences I feel is paramount to their success in high school and by extension their adult lives.

 

SO many times when a student gets into illegal activities, drinking, drugs, etc You will find their first time experimenting with those things was during middle school. Even if I was a strong supporter of public schools middle school is the 1 age I would pull my kids home.

[mommyto4QT]

My kids are too young yet for us to make a decision about middle school yet.

 

However, I've heard SO MANY stories of great kids (smart, Christian, etc) going to Middle School and either being bullied or faced with so much temptation that the kid ends up having problems or gets involved with the wrong crowd.

 

Here, we are in an affluent suburb. The schools are VERY highly rated. However, I've already heard horrible stories about middle school sex parties, drug usage, racism, discussions about porn, etc. among the children there. As a Christian parent, I will have to evaluate if my child will be ready to face this when at the age of 6th grade.

 

I don't know if High School is any better socially, but I would like to think by then my children will at least be better prepared to face such things.

[...................]

Well it's just full of raging hormones, imbalances in maturity levels, imbalances in even physical development (you can have a 12 year old girl that is fully a woman sitting next to a 12 year old boy who is so small and skinny he looks like he's 3 years younger), it's when drugs and dating start but the kids have no idea how to handle all of that, and it's full of bullying. The cliques also start then, and it becomes extremely obvious and painful with gosspping and belittling.

 

I remember it all quite vividly.

[heritagelearningacademy]

I have a 7th grader. We have chosen to continue to homeschool him. That fits into how our hearts have been led by the Lord. We may homeschool all the way through high school and I am excited about that.

 

I am not anti-public, Christian, private schools. I just focus on what works best for us.

 

However, that said, there are just days I am so thankful that my children are home.

 

My son plays soccer through a team club and he hears all sorts of things, language, sexual comments, etc. from several of the boys on the team. I know that is part a balance of school and what happens at home. I get that. However, I hear these things and am so thankful that he will be home.

 

Sadly, I think some of these same behaviors are occurring much earlier nowadays. I am not trying to prevent my children from being exposed to these things....but I MUCH prefer small doses that are shrouded in lots of character training at home.

 

I notice my son is trying to have some more independence. I think that is part of the age. And, if you imagine a school full of 7th/8th graders seeking some independence and trying to form their own value systems. YIKES! Right there, that is a good reason for me to feel peace with our decision to homeschool.

 

In our school, I only have 1 7th grader! L OL Much more manageable!

[Joker]

I feel it depends on the school and the student. I put my older dd in ps this year for 6th grade, which is the middle school here, and she loved it. I had warned her about bullying, and especially mean girls, but she said everyone was nice. They had no fights or other craziness. Her personality didn't change, nor did her thoughts about her education. Her classes were actually great, and she made all As. She will start earning high school credit next year with her math classes and can't wait to go back. So, for us, starting in middle school has been a great experience and I will do the same for younger dd.

 

ETA: The only bullying dd mentioned was done by one her teachers, not the students. She only told me about it after the year was over, but said he would pick on a student who seemed to have delays. She didn't feel she could say anything because he was a teacher, but we talked and if it happens next year she has said she will speak up and tell us right away.

Edited June 27, 2012 by Horton

[Tidbits of Learning]

Some moms are suggesting we get our boys (all grade 6) together, each one using the Virtual Academy free here in WA (WAVA), and have them do school in addition to religious studies, pe, labs, field trips, etc.. which we'd have to hire out. That's kind of a hybrid solution, and it would be a start-up; nothing is guaranteed or tested before.

 

What are your thoughts? To answer a possible first question: I don't feel convicted to h/s the kids through high school. My initial reason to h/s was to instill religious values in them. If they're going to go to high school out there, then I don't mind letting them establish their ways in middle school.

 

I would do this before I would dream of doing middle school brick and mortar. It isn't about the academics either. I have relatives and friends in the school system and there are a lot of things that happen that are not reported in mainstream media and dealt with by the school. Parents have no idea what is going on in those buildings. I am talking sexual encounters, drugs, and the like. There is also the underlying problem that those who fail the 8th grade state test sometimes get lost in a cycle until they are old enough to drop out of school. The ages in a middle school can and do range from 11-18. There are a growing number of children 16-18 in middle school.

I am fully prepared to have my kids go back in high school, but not middle school. We did private preschool, public elementary, and so far have home schooled my oldest almost through middle school. She goes into 7th grade next year. My dd11 has a cousin 1 year older and the stuff that is posted on facebook by the middle school kids here is insane.

We are doing the virtual school this year and we are going to get together with another family doing the virtual school. We did join public school 4H (meets at a local library-not a school campus) this year. My son does scouts and we play local sports.

What you are suggesting with your friends sounds like a great compromise.

[4everHis]

My opinion? Middle schoolers have mush for brains in the social department. They're (naturally) pushing the boundaries with a complete (natural) lack of forethought. Stick em in a box and they eat each other.

 

My son did transfer into 8th grade in a k-8 school. There were only 50-something 8th graders. It went fine for the most part, but he isn't a very social person to begin with! I would rather have eaten my own foot than send him to my local junior high (7th-9th, with 1,000 kids.)

 

I couldn't think of a way to say it better. That is NOT the way I want to 'socialize' my kids. Life is hard at that age anyway and depending on where you fall in the fashion, acne, 'chest', geek meters you can get eaten alive.

[4everHis]

Middle school is an awful place. I've often said that hell is probably just one big middle school. And that was what I remember from years ago, it is so much worse now. The "A" school near us has pregnant 6th graders...one on her second child. A friend who is a teacher in a middle school said there are girls trading sex for Ipods and other electronics. Drugs are rampant.

 

We have no decision about what we will do for high school, but middle school is NOT an option.

 

:eek: :svengo:

[teeniebeenie6]

I went to a private school for middle school. I felt Gr 6-8 was a real time of sexual awakening. Dating became a bigger thing. Statistics of kids today show many are engaging in oral sex quite early. I think it is a dangerous time because kids are quite immature at that age but have huge hormones.

[fourisenough]

My oldest daughter will go to public high school this fall. She attended a private school for k-2 and home schooled 3rd-8th. As I understand it, even in our high-achieving, relatively affluent school district, middle school is the weak link. This is largely due to the focus being on keeping them from killing themselves and each other (I exaggerate of course, but you see what I mean), rather than on stellar academics. Even if it isn't awful socially, I'm told, their experience in public middle school is very underwhelming academically. I will keep all of my girls home through 8th grade, and give them the opportunity to attend high school if they so desire.

 

In order to prepare them for attending a B&M high school, we've done a couple of online classes in 7th grade and several in 8th so that they are used to an outside teacher's expectations, understand how much emphasis is placed on grades, learn to work with firm deadlines, etc. So far, it seems to be a good plan. My incoming 9th grader is very mature, has read tons, is very solid in math, is a good advocate for herself, is secure in her values, has clear goals for herself, and is an extremely hard worker and good time-manager. I'm fairly sure she wouldn't be "in the same place" if she had been in public school for middle school.

 

I think the virtual school with some co-op'ing sounds like a great plan for your son.

[tots2teens]

I agree with all of the other posters to not put your kids in public middle school but I also think that it depends on the child. When my older kids were in 6th and 8th grades, they wanted to try public school. Against my better judgement, I let them. One is a public school success story, one is not. My oldest son has always been a very good student and he was placed in gifted classes. I honestly believe that is what made the difference. The other kids in his classes were all very good kids, many of whom we have known for years from church. He is now going into 10th grade, is in college level AP classes, and is thriving in school. My daughter, on the other hand, is quiet and shy and struggles in academics. At first, she loved going to school. But the novelty wore off quickly. I heard many horror stories about how mean the kids (especially girls) were. Like other posters said: drugs, sex, fights, etc. The teachers were not much better. One in particular would make fun of my daughter in front of the whole class. And this is one of the best schools in our area. After conferencing with the teachers & guidance counselor many times and my daughter crying everyday before school, I pulled her out before the year was even over.

Depending on your child, you could try it. You can always pull them back out.

[redsquirrel]

If you are considering putting your kids into public (or private) high school, then 8th grade is a good time to enroll them. There will be a lot of transition happening when they are enrolled and it can make 9th grade look poor on paper. You don't want a poor academic year in the last 4 years.

 

I actually really enjoy the middle school/jr high age group. They are capable of so much more academically, intellectually and socially than in the grammar school years. They change so much every year.

 

I have now home schooled my son through 6th grade and am prepping to start 7th. When he was a 5th grader I would have never considered sending him to public school. Never, never, never! Now, that we are headed into 7th grade and he is older I would consider sending him after this year...I think. He doesn't want to go, so that makes it easy for me to say, so take that into account.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is not to make a decision about the next three years right now. A lot is going to be changing for both of you. Every year is going to be different. And, I sincerely think that if enrolling in high school is on the table, you want to get that transitional year in before 9th grade.

[melmichigan]

We had a unique arrangement with my oldest in elementary, she attended in the morning under a dual enrollment and was home before lunch. The one thing consistent with teachers and social workers, the ones who pushed for her to attend elementary school for socialization, was that they all pulled me aside at the end of the year and recommended that I not send her to the middle school. Every single one of them did not recommend it.

[Momma_Bear]

But I am going to be one of those mamas who say get them out of middle school and homeschool them.

 

:iagree: Middle school is awful. As others have mentioned it's the time when they start experimenting with drugs, alcohol and s*x. There is so much peer pressure in middle school too, so many good kids give into it.

[ForeverFamily]

My kids are still really young so I don't have to think about middle school quite yet. I also don't have much personal experience because I only attended 7th in PS for a few months and then I was homeschooled. However, I just wanted to throw out the idea, as I think a couple others have mentioned, that it is possible to attend only a few classes at the Jr. High. I did that myself while I was being homeschooled, I took an art class, science class, spanish class, and religious class.

But I am going to be one of those mamas who say get them out of middle school and homeschool them.

 

I have had bad bad experiences. I have absolute regret sending my three olders to school. They got involved with a bad crowd or seemed to be attracted to that. In elementary school they seemed ok. Then suddenly around 5th/6th grade things went awry and my kids went to K-8 public school with only 200 kids. Two of them eventually went to 6-8th grade school in a blue ribbon 5 star school. The kids got involved with some kind of biting game, some inappropriate sexual pics were passed around the school yard, some kind of inappropriate touching game, boy/girl "stuff" in the middle school bathrooms, one boy threatened to shoot and kill my daughter, in third grade my son was mad that I hadn;t taught him all the bad/slang words were and these are the things I was made aware of....who knows what all else was going on. I just know my son would call me school from the bathroom crying and begging me to come pick him up almost regularly in middle school. I couldnt do anything about it because his father said he had to be in school.

 

Things are a mess with all three of them right now. Part of it is school related and part of it is because they are products of divorce with two parents who parent very very differently. One is way too lenient and education is not important and the other the opposite. Anyways the three of them ganged up on me last year saying I was too strict/restrictive and lied to their dad about me. My ex was with the sheriff;s dept and called them and they made a report to CPS. CPS pushed my ex to fight for full custody. My ex was able to get full custody of the kids and very happy that he didn;t have to pay child support anymore.

 

Now I find out my almost 18yrs old who is two years behind in school because of some learning challenges wants to quit high school and has flunked two classes. For months, he hasn;t even been living with my ex. He has been living with another family. My 15yrs old has gotten into drinking/drugs/boys/shoplifting and grades have dropped significantly. My 14yrs old has some definite issues. Grade wise she is ok but attitude is another thing. I spoke with a teacher at their middle school and said that my 15yrs old had hooked up with some very very bad influences and that was one of the reasons that led her to lie to her dad about me. Before she had made that call on me accusing me of telling her to jump off a bridge, she told she was going to do anything she could to not live with me ever again. A few hours prior to that, she had text messaged me to ask if she could spend the night at a friends house and I said no because I had never met the kid or parent and knew this kid had some really inappropriate posts on Facebook such as post a video of her physically beating up another girl.

Now, my older kids were up until public school really good kids. Never a major problem. People always said how polite they were and that we seemed like we all had a great relationship. The kids and I were very close when we were homeschooling. I never thought it would end up like this. My heart has been broken a million times over and I have worried myself sick and into deep depression over the situation. The things that keep me moving forward is my husband, my younger kids, and now my new baby.

 

 

Now my younger kids begged me to take them out of school because of the bad kids/influence. They didn;t like the bullying and the mean kids plus they told me they didn;t want to become like the older kids. They have seen my kids go downhill and they have seen their half siblings go downhill from their biomoms side. My youngers have cried and cried missing their older stepsiblings and remembering how nice they were to them and playing with them. The saw the change and freaked them out and they don;t want to be like them. They kept asking me why they were so mean to me and why they were so mean in general. The cursing, the yelling, the disrespect ...it was horrible. Now two of my youngers are at the same age as the change started happening with the olders but I am not seeing the same issues.

 

So my story is probably to the extreme of what could go wrong as my ex husband had his police department to back him up and make my life miserable but please be ready for a whole rude awakening of a new kind of life to come into play in your house. The middle school drama is a mess. Just be prepared if you decide to let your son go to school. Stay really involved. Make sure you and your husband are on the same page and you back each other up. Watch out for the facebook/online stuff. It can get really messy and mean.

 

Perhaps other people on here have better public middle school experience. If so, perhaps you can be more encouraging of the decision.

 

:grouphug: happycc I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry to hear about all of the difficult things you have had to go through.

[ktgrok]

I forgot to mention the lovely tradition of "grab a** fridays" at the local middle school. Again, an A rated school. Where grabbing/slapping people on the buttocks is part of the friday routine.

[idnib]

As a Muslim who is also keeping young kids home to instill religious values, I would not send my kids to middle school. It's a time of raging hormones, lack of social thinking, and experimentation.

 

Personally, and this was almost 30 years ago, I was exposed to many many un-Islamic things in what was then "jr. high." And this was at a good school in a nice town.

 

I was not homeschooled but looking back I would have been much better off in my deen if my parents had kept me home. Same with my sibling. It took me a long time to recover from that and my naive parents had no idea what was going on. They believed it was a lot more moral than it was.

 

Salams. :grouphug:

[garddwr]

Middle school can be a horrendous place socially for a lot of kids--you get hundreds of hormonal kids obsessed with sex and with pushing boundaries, and its easy for negative experiences to happen that can impact them for a lifetime. In my experience, a few kids sailed through and did well, but a lot more got in with the wrong friends, were exposed to alcohol/drugs/pornography etc. while at school, or were bullied mercilessly. It would take a very, very unusual middle school environment and some specific needs for me to consider sending my children during those years.

Academically, kids often end up in a holding pattern--partly because there is so much variation in mental maturity (a lot of brain changes happen around puberty, but kids go through puberty on all different timetables) that the schools have trouble finding a level to teach everyone at once.

 

Every family will need to look at their individual children and the actual school situation, but I think overall there is more damaged done in middle school than good.

[Ali in OR]

A lot depends on the actual middle school that you would send him to. Chat with some other parents who have children there and see what the environment is like. My dd took band at the local public middle school this year and had a great experience. Next year she might take band and science. But I would not want her to go there full time for academic reasons. There is no honors program and instruction is aimed at the low-achievers. It's actually the stated goal in this district and I think all of Oregon to "close the gap" between low achievers and high achievers. All metrics and energy are centered on helping the lowest performers do better. The school presented test results to the school board, and while the lowest quartile had improved, they were a little concerned that the top 2 quartiles (50% of all students in other words) showed no growth in their middle school years. That's not acceptable to me.

 

We are planning for our dds to go to the public high school. Honors and AP programs there will allow for a better academic environment than at the middle school. I think taking a few classes at the middle school will help my kids adjust better. They'll already be involved in an activity (band) and maybe be more prepared for classes taught by others if science works out.

[cloudswinger]

I went to a private school for middle school. I felt Gr 6-8 was a real time of sexual awakening. Dating became a bigger thing. Statistics of kids today show many are engaging in oral sex quite early. I think it is a dangerous time because kids are quite immature at that age but have huge hormones.

 

Yes, oral sex is not considered sex due to a certain president, so kids will do it and still claim that they are virgins. Frankly, a lot of the better off kids have the time and money to mess around more, so just because it's a good school doesn't mean much if you get the right set of kids in it. Many of the kids with wealthy parents have access to money and little parental supervision.

[TranquilMind]

mommyto4Q:However, I've heard SO MANY stories of great kids (smart, Christian, etc) going to Middle School and either being bullied or faced with so much temptation that the kid ends up having problems or gets involved with the wrong crowd.

 

This happened to us in high school with my "great kid". But she was a year younger than the others. Don't make this mistake!

 

Here, we are in an affluent suburb. The schools are VERY highly rated. However, I've already heard horrible stories about middle school sex parties, drug usage, racism, discussions about porn, etc. among the children there. As a Christian parent, I will have to evaluate if my child will be ready to face this when at the age of 6th grade.

 

Yeah, that would worry me a lot. I didn't even consider middle school, but only sent my high schooler to study one particular subject which the school offered and at which she excelled. She has completed the top AP level now, as a sophomore and they've got...nothing. She was 13 when she began. Mistake.

 

We are examining other options. But nothing will ever remove the exposure and temptations she had.

 

I don't know if High School is any better socially, but I would like to think by then my children will at least be better prepared to face such things

 

Not any better socially. And just make sure your kid is built to withstand temptations and peer pressure. I was sure mine was. I was wrong.

[TranquilMind]

Many of the kids with wealthy parents have access to money and little parental supervision.

 

This is so true. We shadowed at a couple of the "rich" schools. The kids were not very nice to my daughter.

[UmMusa]

Wow. I am thankful for your replies, and I think you just gave me a lot to think and pray about. I think you just changed my mind. I'll check out making that co-op idea work.

[MollyAnn]

The only middle school I would consider would be the charter school DD started at when we were in Michigan. DD attended K and 1st there and I was always up at the school volunteering. I never heard or saw anything bad. The worse thing I heard was of a middle school boy putting a 2nd grader into the trash can in the bathroom. Both thought it was great joke and it wasn't done in malice, just joking around. The kids there seemed to be really good kids and didn't seem to be growing up too fast.

 

I think the stories and rumors that go around are always worse than reality, but saying that, I would never put DC in any other middle school.

High school always gets the attention of cliques, bullying, sex, and drugs. Middle school is worse. The raging hormones, trying to prove one is grown up, trying to fit in. I remember in middle school a girl leaning over to me and telling me that her boy friend had just broken up with her and she was angry at him so she was telling everyone he raped his mother. Fortunately that rumor never caught on. Probably because she was telling everyone it was false as she tried to spread the rumor.

However other rumors just completely explode. I have an allergy to dairy and have always had dark circles under my eyes so someone decided that meant I was a druggie and I carried that label from 6th grade on. Then in 7th grade someone came across Moll in the dictionary and it says "Gangsters girlfriend, prostitute" You can infer what was added to my reputation after that.

 

Kids are just meaner at that middle school age. Severity will vary from school to school, town to town, but I just don't want to risk it. My kids are good kids and I want to keep it that way.

DD has expressed an interest in high school. It will depend on where we are and the school available, but I am willing to consider high school from 10th grade on. That seems to be when everything calms down a bit.

[wapiti]

My dd will be attending a private (independent Catholic) school next year. It's on the small side, with maybe 60 kids per grade level. While our local public middle school has an excellent reputation academically, socially it would seem to be the wrong place for my dd for numerous reasons (it's huge, looks like a prison from the inside, drug arrests are not uncommon, etc.). Likewise, the fancy prep school that's close by my dd's school would seem to be the wrong place socially (cold and clique-ish). We shall see what happens - my dd's school reminds me a lot of my own all-girl high school. At least I know that we can fall back and homeschool if it doesn't work out.

[happycc]

Some kids do exceptionally well and are well adjusted and happy and some don't.

 

Had I known I would have asked what are the chances of this child going down the wrong road and if so can I deal with the guilt and heartbreak if it does? Are you willing to take the chance?

 

By the way just talked to a friend of mine in Hawaii who is a pediatrician and his son who is only 10 yrs old is french kissing several girls at a time. He is pretty upset about the situation. He has a feeling his son is going to be dad in five years. Oh also at my kids school there is this jelly bracelet thing that kids wear to tell others how "far" they have gone or willing to go kind of thing.

 

I don;t think you can hide your kids from the world anymore because of the way society is nowadays. Society is everywhere-billboards, TV, radios, magazines at doctors offices, books, songs, videos, websites, games, computers, people walking down the street, neighbors kids, relatives kids. So it is even more prudent to decide just how much society you are wiling to let into your child's lives and when.

 

In the beginning when my kids first started going to school I noticed my kids were kind of maturing a little. Crying less, knowing a bit more of the world, not so timid and scared about things. But then it got to be part of them-they had to be in the popular group, or had to wear certain kinds of clothes, or listen to certain kind of music and act a certain way to their parents and other adults...It was like they HAD NO FEAR of anything including the bad.

[Critterfixer]

I did time in middle school, early high school in ninth grade. (I was previously on in private school or home-schooled. I ended up in PS due to a bad attitude at 14- go figure.) I think the part I remember best was sitting in science class with two girls who were reasonably friendly individuals and listening in on a detailed (proud and detailed) narration of last night's sex.

Granted it was science class, but still....

The second thing I remember vividly was being told by another student that I couldn't wear a red shirt at that school. I'd be targeted as a member of a rival gang. I laughed before I realized that the person was dead serious and meant well.

That was many, many years ago. I don't want to think about how bad it would be now.

 

I went to community college the next year after standing up in the kitchen and vowing I would NEVER go back to PS.

[kalanamak]

Yes, oral sex is not considered sex due to a certain president, so kids will do it and still claim that they are virgins. .

 

:lol: This isn't even a post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy, it's a pre hoc error. Oral sex not equaling sex was rampant when I was a teen (before old Bill was even governor of Arkansas).

[raceNzanesmom]

My social, well liked son begged to come home after attending 6th grade in public school, he'd always been in ps. He went to the "best" in our district and it was still raging hormones, bullies, intro to drugs, sex, you name it. He hated it!! Add to it, the ass't principal (the one you dealt with) thought every concern was a joke, and some of the teachers were so overwhelmed having 360+ students they simply didn't have time for individual children. I'm VERY thankful we brought our ds home. He attended 7-10 completely at home, took one class at the public high school for 11th, liked it so took a few more his senior year including some college electives at the high school.

 

Our youngest has always been at home, but if I could only hs a set number of years it would be grades 6-10. I think they are, by far!, the most difficult for a child. No way would I send my child that had been home into a public middle school. .02

[Mommy22alyns]

Going off my "middle school" experiences and the fact that I have two girls, there's no way on earth they're going to ps in middle school.

 

ETA: I attended both public and private Catholic schools. Trust me, being a religious private school is NO guarantee of good behavior. I could make your hair curl with these stories.

Edited June 28, 2012 by Mommy22alyns

[snadams97]

Going off my "middle school" experiences and the fact that I have two girls, there's no way on earth they're going to ps in middle school.

 

ETA: I attended both public and private Catholic schools. Trust me, being a religious private school is NO guarantee of good behavior. I could make your hair curl with these stories.

 

 

:iagree:

[justamouse]

Nope.

 

They're all gas and no brake pedal. They think they're big, but they're not.

 

I put my oldest Dd back in as a 10th grader and that was good. She had a good head on her shoulders and was able to navigate the stupidity.

 

My kids play with the public school middleschoolers. I see what's going on. I don't want my kids trying to navigate any of that without me. Even my most levelheaded would have come out of that spin lopsided.

Edited June 28, 2012 by justamouse

[Writerdaddy]

Thanks for this thread. My jaw is on the floor. I have only 8yr olds and haven't given this any thought. For some reason, I don't have any specific memories of middle school. I can remember elementary and high school. Is there something I'm repressing? Will really have to keep your question on the backburner.

 

Does anyone see any difference between PS K-6 vs. PS K-8 schools, in terms of the things of this thread? They have these two different kinds of schools where I live. At the moment I am wondering about lower elementary kids having a worse experience because of it, though I suppose another way of looking at the question is does K-8 make the middle grades less horrible.

[KrissiK]

I used to teach middle school in a small Christian school. I actually loved teaching that age kid in that school. They were, for the most part, from decent families and were good kids as far as that went. And honestly, middle schoolers are hilarious. I really did enjoy teaching them! One of my favorite cartoons was a Mother Goose and Grimm with this lady walking through he** whistling a tune and one demon was saying to the other, "Forget it! We'll never get to her. She used to be a junior high teacher!" I would probably put my child in that school if I had to. However, I went to ps for middle school 30 years ago and was exposed to all sorts of awful things. I would never put my kids in ps for middle school. I mean, if it was bad at a small, country school 30 years ago....

Edited June 28, 2012 by KrissiK

[crazyforlatin]

Going off my "middle school" experiences and the fact that I have two girls, there's no way on earth they're going to ps in middle school.

 

ETA: I attended both public and private Catholic schools. Trust me, being a religious private school is NO guarantee of good behavior. I could make your hair curl with these stories.

 

:iagree:

 

Just think of two 8th graders in the school's Catholic church. Yep, it did happen. A least PS kids don't have access to an adjacent church. :glare:

 

But I went to both Catholic and public, and there were plenty of good kids in both, who wouldn't have been swayed by peer pressure. Some of the girls I met were compassionate and mature. Some others - not so much.

Edited June 28, 2012 by crazyforlatin

[Maverick_Mom]

DD2 went back to ps in 7th grade after four years at home. Big, big, big, big mistake. If she and dh and I knew then what we learned from that experience, it would never have happened.

 

Everyone's mileage varies, but the word "cutthroat" is an accurate way to figuratively describe the environment dd found herself in, in middle school. It had been only four years since she'd been in school with those same kids, but what a difference. I've since been told that as "bad" as things can be in high school, middle school is immeasurably worse.

[sagira]

Wow.. I have another reason to keep homeschooling my children. My sister-in-law, now 20 and at Stanford University, begged me back when she was in middle school to homeschool her. I couldn't, as I was not her parent. When she was 18 and knew I was homeschooling my oldest, she told me emphatically that middle school was the worst time for ps kids and I definitely need to homeschool at least through middle school.