If they won't eat....

[Bensmom]

Do you send your children to bed without any supper if they won't eat what you serve? Do you try to always offer a side dish that is kid-approved? Do you make a picky eater their own, separate meal? My dh is tired of me fixing a separate meal for our 8 yr. old. For the past two nights our son has taken one look at our meal and refused to eat. He had crackers (and nothing else) both nights. He wouldn't even try the yummy apple crumble I made b/c it looked weird to him. Is there a way to make all foods look like a chicken nugget?:glare:

[K&Rs Mom]

I send them to bed hungry. It's always been this way so they don't know any different. I don't think it's actually happened in a very long time, but once or twice was enough. I usually make a protein, starch & vegetable, but sometimes they're all in one dish. They're both willing to try just about anything (I think I have the only kids begging for mussels at the grocery store).

[SKL]

My kids can go to bed hungry if they stick their nose up at what I serve. They won't repeat this pattern for long. I know there are some kids who have specific issues and they will make themselves sick over food, but most kids will get over themselves and eat eventually.

 

I do take their preferences into account when I choose the menu. I generally won't serve a meal that I know will be completely intolerable to someone. I'll mix it up so that there is something the picky eater can eat - for example, since one dd loves beans and the other hates them, I will serve beans along with another veg or fruit that the other one likes. If Miss Picky can't tolerate the main part of the meal, she can have a plain slice of brown bread. I will also allow her to substitute fresh carrots or applesauce (if we have them) for a side dish. It's been a while, though, since we needed to do that. There have been times, however, when she was hungry for a hearty breakfast the next morning.:D

[Tammyla]

No.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

My situation could be a bit different, but my son barely eats. He's going for a feeding evaluation next month, but until then, my goal is to prevent him from losing weight.

 

What has (sort of) worked for us is to serve consistent meals weekly. It took about 10 weeks or so of chicken francaise every Thursday before he ate it. Then he was eating 2 pieces of chicken, all of his rice, and broccoli. It lasted 4 weeks and now he doesn't touch it again. Same thing with GF pasta with meat sauce, tacos, etc. The only meal he will still not even lick is chicken marsala.

 

Serving food on a toddler sized, 3 section plate has helped some, too.

 

I've read it could take up to 50 introductions of a new food before some kids will eat it.

 

Could you plan meals in ways that you could serve his differently? IOW, when I make chicken francaise, I could easiely take chicken out after being cooked but prior to making the sauce. If my son would eat the plain chicken, I could do that.

[LaxMom]

My kids eat what is served. Period.

 

Outside of medical issues - for instance we have friends who have a diabetic son, and others with a child whose underlying medical issues cause dangerously low blood sugar - I am not inclined to cater to pickiness.

 

Not everything I serve has to be anyone's favorite. They do have to display proper manners and eat what they are offered, graciously. My kids eat pretty much any cuisine, and are pretty adventurous when looking at a menu. And yes, they all have different preferences.

[CountitallJoy]

Just me, but I've never been a fan of sending a kid to bed hungry for any offense. On the other hand, I've never fixed separate meals for my picky eaters, either.

 

The policy at my table has always been that they must try 2 bites of anything they've rejected by sight alone (2 because if I said 1, it'd be a grain of food they couldn't even taste anyway..) IF they truly don't like the food, they are welcome to make themselves a sandwich...not a bowl of cereal, not pop tarts or Eggos, a sandwich..and they've gotta make it themselves.

 

I don't know, I've just never really liked the idea of tying food in with *punishment*, y'know?

[Parrothead]

I don't have a picky eater. Dd does have sensory issues though. Because of this some foods are not tolerated in the mouth. I do try to prepare something she will eat and avoid those she won't. But never a separate meal just for her, and certainly not chicken nuggets. We almost always have fresh whole foods.

 

I've been telling her all her life that eventually she will be able to eat just about anything. She just has to mature a bit. So about once a year I have her try some of the things previously not tolerated. This is done without anger or being a battle. We do it as we would any science experiment and have lots of fun. Now at 12 she will eat most anything and we had a break through this week with eggs.

Edited December 10, 2011 by Parrothead

[butterflymommy]

We are radical unfooders :tongue_smilie:. Not really by choice, but everyone in this house is a picky eater, adults included. I decided to save my sanity some years ago and let them fend for themselves. There is no candy in the house except for holidays, but I do let them make their own desserts (teen son is an avid chef) and if packaged cookies are on sale I'll buy some. But my kids pretty much live on grain products, peanut butter/ cream cheese/ butter on said grain products, milk, juice, cheese, an occasional piece of fruit and an occasional piece of chicken. Two of the girls eat broccoli & lettuce, but that's the only thing I have to brag about.

 

So no one is obligated to eat a particular dish as long as they are willing to settle for toast, cereal, or make their own meal (DS makes himself pizza from scratch every night). If your DS wants to eat crackers instead of dinner, I say no big deal.

 

All of my kids are bone thin, one is clinically underweight and another is close-- if they had weight issues in the other direction, I might be harsher.

[Kimberly in IN]

I am probably one of the few who just does not make eating an issue. If you don't like dinner, you are free to make yourself a sandwich or a bowl of oatmeal. Child must make it himself/herself and do it quietly and clean up and eat with the rest of family. There is no loud "I don't like this, Yuck" or anything like that allowed.

 

My 2 boys went through phases where they were picky. Now, not so much. In fact they were fighting over who got the last of the kale last night.

 

We have 4 dc. There a few dinners that each child just hates. They can eat (& suffer) or make themselves a sandwich or cereal. What I absolutely cannot stand is the yuck or ick or related comments, and my dc know that. :lol:

[Alice]

I was a really picky eater as a child so I have more sympathy for my picky eater. I can remember people saying things like "how do you know you won't like it if you don't try it" and not being able to explain that it's not just the taste but the smell and the texture and the look. There were definitely foods that the thought of made me gag or feel sick even if I hadn't tried them. I also grew up to be a pretty normal eater. I don't eat everything but I eat a pretty good variety and fairly healthily. My Mom still comes to my house and says things like "Squash! I can't believe you are eating squash!"

 

So...my approach is that I try and have something that I know my picky eater will like. Sometimes it's a meal easy to adapt like not putting sauce on his pasta. If he doesn't like it then he can go get himself either a piece of fruit or yogurt. We do ask him to try everything, but if I know it's something that he is really unlikely to like or that is a very unappealing smell/texture/taste/appearance to him I won't push it. We do make him eat a certain amount of veggies at every meal and I make sure that one option is one he will tolerate. He is also only allowed one cup of milk until he eats a reasonable amount, otherwise he'd completely fill up on milk.

 

The picky one in my house is 5. The 8 yr old and 2 yr old are pretty good eaters.

[Alice]

I am probably one of the few who just does not make eating an issue. If you don't like dinner, you are free to make yourself a sandwich or a bowl of oatmeal. Child must make it himself/herself and do it quietly and clean up and eat with the rest of family. There is no loud "I don't like this, Yuck" or anything like that allowed.

 

My 2 boys went through phases where they were picky. Now, not so much. In fact they were fighting over who got the last of the kale last night.

 

We have 4 dc. There a few dinners that each child just hates. They can eat (& suffer) or make themselves a sandwich or cereal. What I absolutely cannot stand is the yuck or ick or related comments, and my dc know that. :lol:

 

I meant to say this too...yuck comments are not allowed here either. They can say "No thank you" in a polite way.

[Ellie]

Do you send your children to bed without any supper if they won't eat what you serve? Do you try to always offer a side dish that is kid-approved? Do you make a picky eater their own, separate meal? My dh is tired of me fixing a separate meal for our 8 yr. old. For the past two nights our son has taken one look at our meal and refused to eat. He had crackers (and nothing else) both nights. He wouldn't even try the yummy apple crumble I made b/c it looked weird to him. Is there a way to make all foods look like a chicken nugget?:glare:

 

I don't cook anything I know my dc will hate; one dd wouldn't eat potatoes in any form, although she willingly ate anything else I served, so I didn't make her eat potatoes.

 

And so if dc wouldn't eat what I served, they'd have gone to bed hungry.

 

I would NOT serve a picky eater his own meal. I wouldn't let him fix himself a sandwich or a bowl of cereal, either. This is the meal. Eat it. That is all.

 

OTOH, I didn't have dc with sensory or other issues that would have given them valid reasons to be picky--not special dietary needs, like food allergies, you understand; I'm just answering the question about a picky eater, which isn't the same thing. :-)

 

The rule in our home is that you eat what is served. You don't have to clean your plate, you have to at least taste everything (except for the potatoes, lol), and you may NOT complain about what is served. And when you get down from the table, you are finished until the next meal, even if all you ate was three peas, a teaspoon of rice, and a teensy-tiny piece of meat.

[nukeswife]

I don't really have this issue because over the years I've weeded out the things my kids won't eat from our menu rotation. There are still a few things, but honestly the things they didn't like, I never really liked much either. Now if I'm making something and they would prefer not to eat it they can make themselves something else.

[SKL]

I don't know, I've just never really liked the idea of tying food in with *punishment*, y'know?

 

It's not a "punishment" at my house. I will remind the child "this is your last chance to eat until tomorrow's breakfast. You might get hungry. But if you're sure you don't want any more, you may go wash your hands."

 

Hunger is just a logical consequence of choosing not to eat.

[butterflymommy]

What I absolutely cannot stand is the yuck or ick or related comments, and my dc know that. :lol:

 

Yes these comments are strictly forbidden here too! Just a polite "no thank you" and they can make themselves some toast.

[Sputterduck]

I've never offered to make something different for my child. Because of that he never expects it. I'd imagine though that if you have been your son's whole life, it will be quite a transition. Kids don't often respond well to changes in the rules of the game.

[tabrizia]

I follow my Mom's general rule with food for my kids. Which is I always try to include at least one side I know they will like, but if they decide they don't like the food they can get 2 slices of cheese instead, if DS ate sandwiches or yogurt he would be able to make himself a sandwich or get a yogurt as well.

 

I have one picky eater, one non-picky eater (though she is not a fan of spicy food), and one unknown eater, they have all had the same food exposures and basic way of doing food. Based on my two sister one who was extremely picky as a child and one who was moderately picky, I know that eventually my very picky child should mature and start eating more options.

 

I do not however make a separate meal for my picky eater, he is in charge of getting his own cheese if he doesn't like the meal, and once he is old enough he can make his own mac and cheese or similar option if he isn't a fan of dinner.

[Desert Rat]

I come from a long line of fat people. I refuse to make food an issue for my family.

If I make something I know they will hate; I make something for them. If I make mashed potatoes for dinner, because I just love mashed potatoes but my boys don't, they get noodles (usually left over) or bread and butter.

They must take a bite of everything. They don't have to like it, but they have to try it.

I don't treat my kids as equals. They don't get to say what they will/will not watch on TV, or learn in school, or how messy/neat they can keep my room. But food is a sensitive issue for me, so here, I almost do treat them as equals. I never, ever have to eat something I dislike-I just don't make it. Why would they want to eat something they dislike? Now, if it's not their favorites, but they don't hate it-they eat it.

I want them to have healthy relationships with food. I don't want them sneaking food (they have never) or pigging out on food they rarely get. We have sweets, chips, veggies, meat, starches, fruits, all in moderate proportions.

I would never send a child to bed hungry because that is making food the punishment/reward. It's beginning an unhealthy attitude with food. JMVHO

[butterflymommy]

OTOH, I didn't have dc with sensory or other issues that would have given them valid reasons to be picky--not special dietary needs, like food allergies, you understand; I'm just answering the question about a picky eater, which isn't the same thing. :-)

 

I don't see much difference between sensory issues and being a picky eater. To picky eaters, most foods look, taste, and smell like dirt. Those are all sensory issues! Imagine being pushed, cajoled, and threatened with hunger to eat dirt every day. Or to "just try two bites" of dirt.

 

FWIW, picky eating is now recognized as a bonafide eating disorder, so it's not like people choose to be picky.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_eating_disorder

[Tigger]

I don't make DS eat anything he doesn't like, but he is expected to eat what's served for dinner since if we are having something I know he doesn't like - well that's the time I will make him something different or add something more I know he likes. If DS says he's not hungry, that's okay, but when he is hungry, what we had for dinner is what is reheated; if he says he doesn't want what's served, that's okay, but that's what we have for dinner he can choose to eat or not eat, up to him, but I'm not a short-order cook! DS has opted to go to bed hungry because he wanted something else for dinner - he realized pretty quickly that that's what happens and doesn't do it anymore, and these days, when he's really not hungry for dinner, he'll just ask us to wrap up his plate until later when he is hungry and we do.

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

Other than a very few exceptions, my kids eat what I serve or nothing. I don't make a big deal out of it. If they don't want their food they can just leave the table. Sometimes there is a side dish they like better than the main dish. The kids aren't too fussy (I think in part due to this rule, because one of them very much tends toward fussiness to things) and they eat most of what I make.

Edited December 10, 2011 by Lisa in the UP of MI

[Sputterduck]

I come from a long line of fat people. I refuse to make food an issue for my family.

If I make something I know they will hate; I make something for them. If I make mashed potatoes for dinner, because I just love mashed potatoes but my boys don't, they get noodles (usually left over) or bread and butter.

They must take a bite of everything. They don't have to like it, but they have to try it.

I don't treat my kids as equals. They don't get to say what they will/will not watch on TV, or learn in school, or how messy/neat they can keep my room. But food is a sensitive issue for me, so here, I almost do treat them as equals. I never, ever have to eat something I dislike-I just don't make it. Why would they want to eat something they dislike? Now, if it's not their favorites, but they don't hate it-they eat it.

I want them to have healthy relationships with food. I don't want them sneaking food (they have never) or pigging out on food they rarely get. We have sweets, chips, veggies, meat, starches, fruits, all in moderate proportions.

I would never send a child to bed hungry because that is making food the punishment/reward. It's beginning an unhealthy attitude with food. JMVHO

 

Food isn't a issue in my family. We talk about nutrition and such, but on a daily basis it isn't ever really even mentioned. Meals are made 3 times a day and if you are hungry sit down and eat some. If you don't want it, I shrug and we move on. It's probably the most undramatic thing we do. But I do not make more than one meal. I do put thought in behind the scenes into making sure my son is able to eat veggies and other healthy, less popular, food. I do make sure, without his knowledge, so as not to make food a big issue in his head, that he is perfectly happy eating a meal of lots of veggies and lean protein. My son doesn't expect me to make him something special, and he eats whatever is put in front of him, because food is not an issue in this house.

 

I should add that he is never, ever, ever made to eat anything. It is my job to put healthy food that will grow his body in the best way possible in front of him. It is his job, not mine, to put it in his mouth.

Edited December 10, 2011 by Sputterduck

[*********]

Do you send your children to bed without any supper if they won't eat what you serve? Do you try to always offer a side dish that is kid-approved? Do you make a picky eater their own, separate meal? My dh is tired of me fixing a separate meal for our 8 yr. old. For the past two nights our son has taken one look at our meal and refused to eat. He had crackers (and nothing else) both nights. He wouldn't even try the yummy apple crumble I made b/c it looked weird to him. Is there a way to make all foods look like a chicken nugget?:glare:

 

 

I do the bolded. I know it doesn't work for every family, but I just can't bring myself to send them to bed hungry.

 

There are things I don't like to eat, too. So I don't; unless I'm company at someone's house, then I do my best to be polite. Which is a whole different topic. ;) But I don't think it's fair to insist my kids eat foods they don't like at home, when I don't either.

 

Of course, if all of a sudden on of my kids refused to eat ALL green vegetables, then they'd have to pick the least offensive one to them and eat that. Thankfully, none of my kids are THAT picky.

[unsinkable]

Some parents are just horrible cooks.

 

I've heard horror stories from adults about being serve ill-prepared foods as children and being forced to eat it. Then they grow up and taste the same food prepared correctly and it is a revelation!

 

Now, I am certain no one on this board is a horrible cook. On this board, all food served is well-prepared.

[ereks mom]

My kids can go to bed hungry if they stick their nose up at what I serve. They won't repeat this pattern for long. I know there are some kids who have specific issues and they will make themselves sick over food, but most kids will get over themselves and eat eventually.

 

I do take their preferences into account when I choose the menu. I generally won't serve a meal that I know will be completely intolerable to someone. I'll mix it up so that there is something the picky eater can eat - for example, since one dd loves beans and the other hates them, I will serve beans along with another veg or fruit that the other one likes. ...

 

:iagree:

[Sputterduck]

Some parents are just horrible cooks.

 

I've heard horror stories from adults about being serve ill-prepared foods as children and being forced to eat it. Then they grow up and taste the same food prepared correctly and it is a revelation!

 

Now, I am certain no one on this board is a horrible cook. On this board, all food served is well-prepared.

 

That is so true. I know a couple people who were stuck eating burnt macaroni and cheese (how do you burn mac and cheese??), dried out leathery meat, or meals that were never seasoned ever. *gag*

 

I would be picky in a house like that. And, people, I would eat balut.

[Rivka]

Some parents are just horrible cooks.

 

I've heard horror stories from adults about being serve ill-prepared foods as children and being forced to eat it. Then they grow up and taste the same food prepared correctly and it is a revelation!

 

Now, I am certain no one on this board is a horrible cook. On this board, all food served is well-prepared.

 

Hee! I remember asking my husband, when we first started dating, if he liked salmon. He said, "You mean that nasty dried-up stuff they put in croquettes?"

 

No, that's not what I meant. :lol: I made salmon once and he became a lifelong devotee. We went through the same routine with crisp, lightly-cooked vegetables.

 

If my kids don't like what's served, they can have a piece of bread and butter. If they don't eat their dinner, they can have a bowl of cereal with milk at bedtime. These are boring and unvarying options because I don't want it to be too appealing, but I don't want them to go hungry either.

[Slipper]

Our oldest is severely affected by autism. The wrong 'sensory' input will literally make her throw up. She goes through phases of wanting either Chef Boyardee (which makes ME want to gag) or frozen veggies that are microwaved. She uses pictures to communicate and knows that when I'm fixing dinner she needs to wander through and let me know what she wants. Occasionally, she'll eat what we're having (spaghetti, crock pot roast, tacos, pizza). I also fix her a small plate of what we're having as she likes to try things and will sometimes start eating something new.

 

My middle daughter is failure to thrive due to Celiac Disease and my youngest has some chronic gastro issues. Sending them to bed without food is not optional for our family. However, to keep it from getting outrageous, I try to make sure there is sufficient food that each one likes at every meal (like the beans/no beans reference another poster mentioned). If they are just being grouchy, they can have cheese toast and milk or cereal w/milk.

 

Some days, we do feel like a short-order cook around here...

[unsinkable]

Our oldest is severely affected by autism. The wrong 'sensory' input will literally make her throw up. She goes through phases of wanting either Chef Boyardee (which makes ME want to gag) or frozen veggies that are microwaved. She uses pictures to communicate and knows that when I'm fixing dinner she needs to wander through and let me know what she wants. Occasionally, she'll eat what we're having (spaghetti, crock pot roast, tacos, pizza). I also fix her a small plate of what we're having as she likes to try things and will sometimes start eating something new.

 

My middle daughter is failure to thrive due to Celiac Disease and my youngest has some chronic gastro issues. Sending them to bed without food is not optional for our family. However, to keep it from getting outrageous, I try to make sure there is sufficient food that each one likes at every meal (like the beans/no beans reference another poster mentioned). If they are just being grouchy, they can have cheese toast and milk or cereal w/milk.

 

Some days, we do feel like a short-order cook around here...

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I don't know if you are religious but God bless you! Your family will be in my prayers (or not, if you don't want me to!)

[Mynyel]

If you don't like what I fix, fix it yourself is my motto at home. Ds has become very proficient at fixing PB & J for himself. I will concede and cut the bread for him, I don't like a crooked loaf! :D

[Slipper]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I don't know if you are religious but God bless you! Your family will be in my prayers (or not, if you don't want me to!)

 

That's so nice of you, thank you! I take all the prayers I can get! (Actually I'm open to any kind thought from any religion).

 

Life's not as nuts as it probably sounds. Once a person gets into a routine, it's just that - a routine. :)

[dragons in the flower bed]

If you don't like dinner, you are free to make yourself a sandwich or a bowl of oatmeal. Child must make it himself/herself and do it quietly and clean up and eat with the rest of family. There is no loud "I don't like this, Yuck" or anything like that allowed.

 

 

This is how it is here. I tried requiring a few bites first, but I have one child who fairly frequently vomited right at the table after swallowing his first bite. :001_huh: He's also fussy about needing quiet during schoolwork and when going to sleep, and about what clothes touch his skin. I can't cater to his desires in all of those things. He's had to learn to push through and fall asleep with his brother tossing and turning in the bunk above him, for example. But I don't make it worse, either, by requiring him to do things he doesn't absolutely have to do.

[Ellie]

I don't see much difference between sensory issues and being a picky eater. To picky eaters, most foods look, taste, and smell like dirt. Those are all sensory issues! Imagine being pushed, cajoled, and threatened with hunger to eat dirt every day. Or to "just try two bites" of dirt.

 

FWIW, picky eating is now recognized as a bonafide eating disorder, so it's not like people choose to be picky.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_eating_disorder

Mr. Ellie was a picky eater until he went into the Air Force. End of picky-eater-ness. :-)

 

I have known children--and adults--who were picky eaters, and they did not seem to think that everything tasted and smelled like dirt.

[Homemama2]

I don't cook anything I know my dc will hate;

 

:iagree: If I'm making a certain veggie that I know one of them hates, I make sure to also make one they like. We do have them try at least one bite of everything (if it is something new that they just don't like the looks of. If I already know they dislike it, I don't force the issue. I was once forced to try oysters and haven't quite recovered since. ;)) They usually end up liking it if they try a bite. But I don't make a separate meal. I want them to learn to try new foods. If they don't eat much, their plate goes in the fridge and they can have it reheated if they get hungry later.

[dragons in the flower bed]

have known children--and adults--who were picky eaters, and they did not seem to think that everything tasted and smelled like dirt.

 

I was a picky eater as a kid too, but everything did not taste like dirt. Usually, if I could be convinced to try something, it tasted just fine. I was only up for foods that tasted FANTASTIC.

 

I had a problem with pain after eating. I didn't know that didn't happen to everyone until I was an adult. It was celiac disease. I hated to eat because of it and would only bother if the food was very rewarding, like, my absolute favorite foods.

[Lolly]

I started off fighting the food wars. I quit. We are all happier. It turns out one of my picky eaters was actually allergic to most foods. I felt awful that I had ever forced them on her.:glare: At my house, you may make something else if you don't like what is offered. Just make sure you clean up whatever you mess up. It has allowed the kids to learn to cook fairly well.;)

[bcnlvr]

I guess it's a sensory thing here, too, but ds6 WON'T eat (REGARDLESS OF WHAT I MAKE) unless he has a certain level of hunger (this may help him when he is older....lol). If he has a good breakfast and lunch, he usually won't be "ready" for dinner at 1800. However, at 2130, he WILL be. I used to be controlling about it, but then realized that he doesn't like to eat unless he is hungry. Even then, he only eats until he not hungry anymore. He doesn't eat until he is full. He says that the full feeling makes him feel sick.

 

On days that he doesn't eat dinner, he can make his own healthy alternative later in the evening. His job. However, he still has to sit at the dinner table with the family for the main meal.

Edited December 10, 2011 by bcnlvr

[NicAnn]

We eat what is served. I never make something I know someone won't like, and there is always something familiar. So if I make roasted beets (which I know DH and DD don't like), I also throw in some carrots and potatoes which they will eat.

[Sputterduck]

I guess it's a sensory thing here, too, but ds6 WON'T eat unless he has a certain level of hunger (this may help him when he is older....lol). If he has a good breakfast and lunch, he usually won't be "ready" for dinner at 1800. However, at 2130, he WILL be. I used to be controlling about it, but then realized that he doesn't like to eat unless he is hungry. Even then, he only eats until he not hungry anymore. He doesn't eat until he is full. He says that the full feeling makes him feel sick.

 

On days that he doesn't eat dinner, he can make his own healthy alternative later in the evening. His job. However, he still has to sit at the dinner table with the family for the main meal.

 

That's not a sensory thing. That how we all should be.

I would be thrilled. Go with it. He is right on track.

[Farrar]

I am probably one of the few who just does not make eating an issue. If you don't like dinner, you are free to make yourself a sandwich or a bowl of oatmeal. Child must make it himself/herself and do it quietly and clean up and eat with the rest of family. There is no loud "I don't like this, Yuck" or anything like that allowed.

 

My 2 boys went through phases where they were picky. Now, not so much. In fact they were fighting over who got the last of the kale last night.

 

We have 4 dc. There a few dinners that each child just hates. They can eat (& suffer) or make themselves a sandwich or cereal. What I absolutely cannot stand is the yuck or ick or related comments, and my dc know that. :lol:

 

:iagree: I could have written that word for word, except I have two kids only.

 

Every once in awhile someone is feeling picky enough to go to bed hungry as a choice. But that's on them. My philosophy is that it's my job to provide good options but it's not my job to make them eat or make the choices for them.

[Momof3littles]

I serve what I serve. I will leave off sauce, etc. if it isn't a big inconvenience to me as a cook. They mostly eat what I serve. I don't short order cook. During certain phases when they were really young I would sometimes allow them to have yogurt or make themselves a sandwich, but I wouldn't short order cook and they more or less had to take care of the serving/cleaning up.

 

However, there is no punishment for not eating dinner. I don't cajole, beg, entice them to eat one more bite. Totally, totally not interested in doing so. Dessert is also not tied to dinner, but we don't usually have dessert.

 

I like Ellyn Satter's division of responsibility (even though we don't follow all of her tips).

 

When a child has something like a sensory issue, I think it is a very, very different situation (and I have worked professionally with children with sensory processing disorders).

 

eta: both of my kids are on the thinner side, but that doesn't particularly freak me out or anything. I've also found picky phases at our house ebb and flow. Each child has gone through a few pickier phases but they did ease up and the kids resumed eating/liking most things. For that reason I have no interest on getting too hung up on the phases. I feel it would do more damage to them long term to cajole, beg, plead, incentivize, coerce, etc. about eating.

Edited December 10, 2011 by Momof3littles

[Element]

Food is a constant battle here, too, but it is getting better. My ds (85th percentile & at risk for being overweight) will eat anything. My dh (thin) complains about everything. My dd also complains about everything but is severely underweight (1st percentile) so I hate to send her to bed without anything in her belly. First of all, she has to try everything on her plate if she is hungry and refusing the food already in front of her. After that, we have a few options from which she can choose if she has refused a meal:

 

Yogurt (as long as she has not had some already that day- too much dairy constipates her)

Fresh fruit

Fresh or canned vegetable

Her plate of food from the meal before, if she refused that too

 

There have been many nights where she chooses an apple, a can of carrots or a can of lima beans instead of dinner. She's especially difficult because she will like something one week and then decide she never wants to eat it again. She's been tested for food allergies and it came back negative so I'm pretty sure she's just being difficult.

Edited December 10, 2011 by Element

[KrissiK]

I make good dinners (nothing experimental or out of the ordinary) and if the kids don't like it, tough luck. I serve fruit for every meal, so even if they don't like the entree, at least they'll have something to eat. I will not make a separate meal for a picky eater, and I will not allow him to mess up my kitchen making himself alternative food.

[Hannah C.]

When I was a kid, I couldn't stand casseroles with pasta in them (johnny'm, chili hotdish, etc.). They made me gag. I think most people thought I was just picky. Now I'm an adult and a mom, and pasta STILL makes me gag if it's sat out too long. It wasn't in my head - I actually had problems with the consistency of the food. So yes, a kid may be picky, but there may also be legitimate problems there - not quite at diagnosed SPD level, but legitimate nonetheless.

 

Thankfully, my mom would either make an alternative dish or allow me to have bread and butter, which was one of my favorite things to eat at the time. I haven't reached this point in parenting yet, so I'm not sure what I will do, but my guess is I will offer bread and butter or make side dishes that everyone likes.

[AimeeM]

Nope.

Food isn't a battle here.

We have a two bite rule. If, after two bites, the child/person still dislikes the meal, they can have something else; something that doesn't require much prep, like leftovers or a sandwich.

I fail to see how my system definitely creates a picky eater (as I've been told it will). I have a picky 2 year old, but a 10 year old who will try anything. The same rule has been applied to both of them. This rule was used with me and I'm not picky in the least (unless you count my hesitation to try Kangaroo at a new restaurant my husband took me too - but that more related to Winnie The Poo sentiment).

[AK_Mom4]

I have one child who does not like mexican food. We eat lots of mexican food here, but she has the option of having leftovers or something else.

 

When my boys were little, they were fairly picky. We always had side dishes that were acceptable for them if they didn't like the main dish. We did not make a big deal of it and they could get a sandwich later if they were still hungry.

 

DH *hates* casseroles, so we never have those. If, somehow, we did have a casserole come to dinner, I would make sure the side dishes were something he would eat.

 

Compromise is a good thing.

[KungFuPanda]

We go through fake-battle motions here. Every time I cook what my son doesn't want/expect he complains. He gets to the table, takes one bite, declares it delicious, and happily finishes his meal. We've decided to be amused since he only goes through these motions when it's just us. My actual picky eater will not complain, not eat, then fix herself something later. She loves and craves fruit, so if she'd rather have clementines than spaghetti I don't interfere. Sometimes she even cooks for me :-) Teen girls can be so useful.

[amyco]

I cook one meal, and if the dc (usually my son) really doesn't want it, he knows he is allowed to make himself a pb&j. He's not usually very picky but there a few things I cook that he just doesn't like that everyone else does. Yes, I would prefer to have him graciously eat everything he is served, but even I don't like every food in the world (but I don't cook things I don't like!). I figure people are allowed to have a few dislikes. It's not a hill I want to die on. He's a ton less picky than other children we have over sometimes. (One of whom, I am not kidding, was served a nice plain baked ziti, didn't eat it, and after dinner asked their mother if they could look in my pantry for a snack.)

[reign]

I cook only meals I know they like. Some times there are many options to chose from and the plates look quite different. One meal is tortalini served with cooked and raw veggies and hummas. Hummas is for the one Dd who will not eat the pasta. She will also not eat cooked veggies. So I have both at every meal. If they eat someplace else I feed them protein before hand and they can have food after. My budget does not give me the option to allow unlimited yogurt/pb&j/cheese. My oldest was not thrilled with dinner last night. All things she loves most of the time. She ate a couple bites and then I saved it and she had it as a bed time snack.