Embassy Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 This past weekend we met a family and dh and I were talking to the father with my kids sitting there listening. The father was originally asking my boys questions and found out they homeschooled. Then the father in the family mentions to me that it must be very hard to have kids at home all day. What would you say? Would you say something different knowing your kids were listening? ........ I responded by saying that I liked having my kids around. Probably wasn't the best move toward building a relationship with this family, but it didn't seem right to simply agree with that statement or sympathize with that point of view right in front of my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I would choose my kids side in that situation. I would have said, with a smile on my face and a wink in the kids direction "Nah, I like having them around." :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I'd be tempted to say we're getting better with practice. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 That's a question I get all the time. Sigh. I understand where it's coming from. I tell them that it was harder at first ( it was!) because there was a learning curve for all of us-how to BE a family for the day! Everyone had always been somewhere else all day, school, work, whathaveyou. It took some patience, but that the rewards were worth it a hundred times over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 "Oh, no. She is a wonderful child we enjoy spending time with." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I'm truthful. "Most of the time we love being together as a family but sometimes we need our space! Fortunately we don't always live in each other's pocket." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle My Bell Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I usually say "We have always been together and I would find it hard to NOT be together." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I think I would just say "Actually, we consider ourselves very fortunate to have this time together", simply because it is an awkward question in front of the kids and I wouldn't want to hurt feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I always look surprised and say "Really? You think that? Because I LOVE being with my boys. I can't imagine anything better than being with them." We might have our bad days but that really is my true feeling on the subject. And my kids will grin and smile with pride. So, it is mostly just plain true, and it is also family loyalty. I don't put my kids down to other people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I would say something witty and intelligent and thought provoking. I just can't remember what that is at the moment. ;) No, really, I would just say these are my favorite two critters in all the world despite the odors that emanate from them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Well, I would say that I can't imagine that it is any harder for me than it is for them but people who don't know me might not understand. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 How old are your kids? I'd be honest. Yes, sometimes it's hard to share space all the time, but then we adapt accordingly so everyone gets their space and time (hopefully), no biggie. The norm for homeschoolers is much different from the norm for, well, everyone else - likely that's what he was wondering about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I explain that there is a different family dynamic when the kids are home with you all day rather than just interacting with each other at the end of the day when everyone is tired and that we have a lot of fun together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I would say, "Oh no, his socialization skills are far better than they would be otherwise. Because of that, he is a joy to be around." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I would have said the same thing: that I love being with my dc all day. I'd have been tempted to say that I think it must be hard for mothers to be away from their dc all day if the dc are in school :D but I would have controlled myself. And I'd say that for the sake of the dc sitting near by and listening. If it had been just the parents and me, no dc, I'd have enlarged on that comment a little...maybe, because the truth is I really did love being with them all day...at any rate, I might have said that there were challenges, or that I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about it when I first started hsing but that it had grown on me, but with the dc right there...I'd have said I loved being with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Well we have great kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I have been in this situation. I don't give an answer to the question it implies either way. Instead? I say something like "well, it can be challenging to keep the house clean since they are always there, sort of like raking leaves in a windstorm, haha." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhrice3 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 You know, I was recently talking with a woman at a church event when she made the same comment = how difficult it must be having your children home all day. We were in a church so the good Lord must have been with me, because without blinking I said, "You know, you bring them home with you from the hospital and unless you send them off to some institution, they are home with you! We have been doing this for 13 yrs, and we all honestly enjoy being with each other. As they grow, they help out with cooking, chores, etc and you all live together in the same house happily - mostly. In fact, since my older two decided to go to high school when we moved 2 years ago, we have had more trouble NOT being together!" She said that I was probably right and nodded. I would have just honestly answered. ReneeR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Once Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 In similar but not exactly the same line of questioning I have said, "Everyone has good and bad days. Lately, we have had more good. " My kids are use to my honesty and understand that I love their company so I would not worry about them overhearing. If the person persisted I would have ended the conversation politely and talked with them later if I thought they needed my reassurance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katiebug_1976 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I hear that all the time and it saddens me to think that people don't want or can't handle their own kids being with them all day. I count it a blessing & priviledge that I GET to spend the whole day with my kids (even on the tough days). They won't be around forever so I wnat every minute I can get! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susann Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I would say something witty and intelligent and thought provoking. I just can't remember what that is at the moment. ;) No, really, I would just say these are my favorite two critters in all the world despite the odors that emanate from them. :iagree::lol::lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 What would I say in this situation? That depends on his tone and intent - the words alone could be spoken (and taken) in a few different ways, you know? Truth is that -for me- it CAN be hard to have kids at home all day. It's not only hard for me, it's also sometimes hard for my kids to be with ME all day long! We're frank about that, the kids and I. We're generally honest if the person's tone and intent are genuine. If I said some of the comments mentioned elsewhere in this thread, I doubt I'd be believed anyhow. I wouldn't believe it, nor do I think parents who out-school love being with their kids any less than I do. I'd say to him that some days it's a challenge and some days it's a joy - pretty much the same as every other parent's situation, except my house is messier since we're all home all day long LOL. I've said that in front of my kids, and will continue to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 What would I say in this situation? That depends on his tone and intent - the words alone could be spoken (and taken) in a few different ways, you know? Truth is that -for me- it CAN be hard to have kids at home all day. It's not only hard for me, it's also sometimes hard for my kids to be with ME all day long! We're frank about that, the kids and I. We're generally honest if the person's tone and intent are genuine. If I said some of the comments mentioned elsewhere in this thread, I doubt I'd be believed anyhow. I wouldn't believe it, nor do I think parents who out-school love being with their kids any less than I do. I'd say to him that some days it's a challenge and some days it's a joy - pretty much the same as every other parent's situation, except my house is messier since we're all home all day long LOL. I've said that in front of my kids, and will continue to do so. That's why I say what I say. I would be lying if I said that I love to be with my kids all the time. After all, there are people here who have seen my rants! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 One of the reasons that people thing that 'they can never homeschool' is that they don't think they can be with their kids all day. I think they need to know the truth that it can be hard, but it's something you grow into and so they too can learn how, instead of walking away from the conversation thinking that either they were inferior parents or think homeschooling is beyond their ability. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 One of the reasons that people thing that 'they can never homeschool' is that they don't think they can be with their kids all day. I think they need to know the truth that it can be hard, but it's something you grow into and so they too can learn how, instead of walking away from the conversation thinking that either they were inferior parents or think homeschooling is beyond their ability. :iagree: This is my conclusion, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 The honest truth is that I do sometimes find it challenging to be with any other human being as much as I am with my kids. I'm pretty introverted, and the lack of quiet alone time do sometimes make me a little cranky. When I've heard that comment or been asked about it, I usually say that it isn't always fun and games, but we get along pretty well. Nowadays, because my kids are older, I genuinely enjoy their company. The reason I'm sitting her posting at almost 2:30 in the morning is that my daughter and I were sitting on the couch together watching silly TV shows and giggling until just a little while ago. And my son makes me laugh harder than anyone except maybe his sister. It hasn't always been easy, but for me it's less difficult than putting them on a bus and sending them away all day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saujana Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 In similar but not exactly the same line of questioning I have said, "Everyone has good and bad days. Lately, we have had more good. " . I always say something along this line and give them a big smile.:) Sauj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirch Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I might be tempted to say that they probably find it hard to always have me around all day too. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I would say something like, "Well, we have our moments, but overall, it's been wonderful to have them home." That would be truthful and still supportive of the kids, but also acknowledge that things are not always perfect. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I usually say....no it's a joy to be home with him all day. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 People say this to me in front of my kids frequently, usually clerks at the store and such: "How can you be with your kids all day?" "I could never put up with my kids all day!" etc. I used to just smile and murmur something about it depending on the day. ;) But now I say, "If you are home with them all day, it's an incentive to make sure they are nice to be around. :D" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I get that comment, but just as often I get the opposite--a mom who is openly envious of the time I get to spend with my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I usually say, "Not at all!" and then they say, "But it must take a lot of patience." and I say, "True, at times it does indeed." :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I'd just say something like "nah, we have a lot of fun together, but I do get time to myself here and there, too. I wake up before them, go to bed after them, and there are times throughout the day when they are either working independently or entertaining themselves. It works out great, we like homeschooling." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I don't know how old your kids are, but mine are 9 and 8, so I would answer honestly: "Sometimes it's a challenge to be together all the time, but for the most part we really enjoy what we do." I don't mind my kids hearing this. I think they have figured out that some times are rougher than others. ;) Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I would be honest, and say something like: "Sometimes it can be, but it's worth it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gailmegan Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 For me, this is a no-brainer. No, I don't find it hard to have the kids home all day. We love being together. My kids know I feel that way and I know they agree. So that's the only answer I could possible offer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I would say something like "There are good days and bad ones, but I really enjoy being with my kids and being part of all they are learning." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Embassy Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 No, I don't find it hard to have the kids home all day. We love being together. My kids know I feel that way and I know they agree. This is the truth for me as well. That doesn't mean things are always easy. It is certainly not even close to being very hard. Being together is as natural as breathing. I can't imagine it any other way. But it seemed like there may have been a better way to state the truth to someone who would feel bad that they don't want to spend all day with their kids. Some great ideas on this thread. BTW, my boys are 7 and 9 and are quite sensitive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gailmegan Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 This is the truth for me as well. That doesn't mean things are always easy. It is certainly not even close to being very hard. Being together is as natural as breathing. I can't imagine it any other way. But it seemed like there may have been a better way to state the truth to someone who would feel bad that they don't want to spend all day with their kids. Some great ideas on this thread. BTW, my boys are 7 and 9 and are quite sensitive. I have sensitive boys the same age. :D I wasn't trying to be flippant; sorry if it came across that way. I just honestly can't think of any other way I could possibly answer. I wouldn't say it in a snotty way - I would use a very sincere, humble, and gentle tone. Perhaps it would make the dad feel uncomfortable, but if he was insensitive enough to ask that question in front of my kids, I'm not going to feel too bad giving the honest answer. Maybe I'm just not a nice person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 That's why I say what I say. I would be lying if I said that I love to be with my kids all the time. After all, there are people here who have seen my rants! After I replied to the OP, I scrolled down to read the other responses. I found myself nodding along to yours and thinking I should've quoted you with this guy: :iagree: LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I am in the minority here, but honestly? I would go CRAZY if I had to be home with my kids all day long. I also would go crazy if I had to be home without my kids all day long as well. IMO, it has nothing to do with loving ones kids. I enjoy spending time with them - and I also enjoy spending time at my job and interacting with other adults and need this to feel energized and to enjoy family time again. For that matter, my DD would go crazy if SHE had to spend all her time with me at home - she needs her peers and he own space as much as I do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 You know, this view of being ecstatic when kids go back to school is so pervasive now that it makes me wonder whether it reflects reality or whether it's propaganda. I remember the second time I left my DD somewhere--it was Thanksgiving, and she was napping at a relative's house, and my DH and I went for a short walk. His view was 'alone at last' and mine was 'I miss her.' I like the homesteading POV--the family as an organism that works together and always accepts and loves each other, in good times and bad, all together. I think I'm just different in that regard. I never expected to like being home--certainly I grew up around mothers who did nothing but complain about it, and I had the distinct impression that it was trap/fate worth than death. And yet I did. Still, I would never have been one of those who wrote essays about loving washing the kitchen floor, LOL. Last Sunday in church we celebrated the Ascension, and the illustration in the sermon was of parents saying 'Now what?' when their kids are finally done with school--and not in a particularly enthusiastic way, either. I turned immediately to my DD and told her that I don't feel that way about her being around. I wondered if the younger children would feel faintly hurt by the the idea that their parents are not ecstatic to have them around. Although I'm an introvert, and value some quiet time alone, I think that kids should feel welcome all the time in their homes. This is so totally basic that it almost should go without saying. And I also think that they can get their feelings hurt if something else is said or implied, and that that should stop people from talking that way. It's hurtful and it's discourteous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TX Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I hear that all the time and it saddens me to think that people don't want or can't handle their own kids being with them all day. I count it a blessing & priviledge that I GET to spend the whole day with my kids (even on the tough days). They won't be around forever so I wnat every minute I can get! :iagree: I have always enjoyed having my kids home all day. I think it is sad when parents don't want to be with their kids. Susan in TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 "Sure, sometimes. But it would be harder for me personally to deal with the school. Every family has to do what works for them, you know?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5LittleMonkeys Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 One of the main reasons I decided to homeschool was because I like my dc being home with me. Every morning when I would send them out the door to get on the bus I would get sick to my stomach and I would spend the whole day watching the clock waiting for them to get home. Now that doesn't mean that we live on top of each other 24\7. We all have times during the day that we go into separate areas of the house and do our own things. We are also normal and have times when tensions run high and there are behavioral issues that make it hard to want to be in the same room with someone but that doesn't make us feel like we want to be away from each other for 8 or more hours a day. In answer to the OP's question...I have been asked that same question many times right in front of my dc and my answer is always, "No, it isn't hard at all. I love having my children home with me all day long. We are a normal family though and occasionally we all need our space...that's what doors are for." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
74Heaven Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 "Homeschooling is the hardest job you'll ever love." This was an army recruitment slogan several years ago (20?). That's my answer to the question you got. And the question doesn't bother me at all. People have tons of questions about homeschooling because many just can't *imagine* it. I am one of those moms who doesn't enjoy homeschooling 24/7. The teaching I like. The attitudes and the whining drive me batty. But... I've been at this for 15 years and I admit to being tired, even burnt out. I just went thru a bad year with my 19yo in terms of her attitude, decisions, immaturity. It wore me out something horrible. I have a know-it-all 16yo (whom I love and am so proud of in so many ways). So 5 ADD kids and 2 ADD parents. Budgeting issues. Character issues. Sin issues. :). Lisaj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I responded by saying that I liked having my kids around. Probably wasn't the best move toward building a relationship with this family, but it didn't seem right to simply agree with that statement or sympathize with that point of view right in front of my kids. Well, honestly, I would have answered quickly without even taking time to think about the possibile consequences. I would have said the same thing to him that you did. And actually I have had that same conversation. I like my children and I like being around them. It doesn't mean I don't want an occasional break. At least, I felt that way when they were younger. Now that they are older, I have to be proactive if I want to spend time with them. I'm feeling the beginnings of life without them, as they grow older and move out to direct their own lives. It seems like just yesterday that I was complaining about their neediness, or just a general feeling of wanting to have alone time. Time really does go by fast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I usually just smile and say something along the lines of, 'Every family is different.' Or, "It's not easy, but nothing worthwhile is." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 You know, this view of being ecstatic when kids go back to school is so pervasive now that it makes me wonder whether it reflects reality or whether it's propaganda. It is propaganda more than you might think. I have met many parents who will, with a little gentle prodding, admit that they hate how much time their family spends apart or in structured activities due to the school's schedule. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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