BMW Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Life just gets... painful. A year ago, 3 years after the divorce... 3 years that their father didn't do what the courts said... 3 years that he hadn't seen his children... it changed. I was wrongfully accused by him while he used one of my children to get "inside" information and try to do a quick grab of custody... After the nastiness died down and I decided that I would NOT fight in courts and come home and THEN fight teens... our court papers changed and gave high school aged children of ours the right to choose who they wanted to live with. Now... a year later, the children, all ages 12 and up this summer, want to be together. They all want to live with their dad. He lives in a really nice area. Schools are much better there, truth be told. (Court ordered them to be public schooled only) It makes no sense to fight it because their dad isn't doing anything "wrong". He might have broken my heart and dreams, but, he isn't breaking theirs... A judge would want siblings to stay together... and they are pretty much of age to choose. I hurt so much. I poured my life into them. I taught them each to read. I stayed home and gave them the best of me, day after day. I feel rejected. And I feel like I cannot even really say much or show it. That's not fair to them. They are still young and need to grow up. They shouldn't be put in the middle. They shouldn't see my pain. But, I can hardly bear to look at their faces right now and know that they are going out my door. In the meantime, my dh is the sweetest, dearest man ever. He holds me. He lets me cry it out. He helps me to relax. I know he will take care of me and I love him more than ever... I've never shared much of this before. But, it's safe now. Ex cannot use anything that he sees here against me because he is getting what he wants... And even though this is public... I can share here what I cannot share on my facebook or blog... Please pray for me. Please give me your very best tips to fight the blues... Thanks, friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: I am sad for you. I'm glad that you know the kids will be okay at their dad's, but I can feel through your post just how much it hurts. :grouphug: No advice, just support. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Oh honey. I am so very very sorry. I cannot imagine. I am praying for peace and comfort for you. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: My heart aches for you. I can't begin to imagine how hard this is for you. You will be in my prayers. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trivium Academy Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 ((((HUG)))) I started to write but really, it is painful and you have every right to feel how you feel, it's still raw right now. ((((HUG AGAIN)))) And bless your dh for being such a good man! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratia271 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Life just gets... painful. A year ago, 3 years after the divorce... 3 years that their father didn't do what the courts said... 3 years that he hadn't seen his children... it changed. I was wrongfully accused by him while he used one of my children to get "inside" information and try to do a quick grab of custody... After the nastiness died down and I decided that I would NOT fight in courts and come home and THEN fight teens... our court papers changed and gave high school aged children of ours the right to choose who they wanted to live with. Now... a year later, the children, all ages 12 and up this summer, want to be together. They all want to live with their dad. He lives in a really nice area. Schools are much better there, truth be told. (Court ordered them to be public schooled only) It makes no sense to fight it because their dad isn't doing anything "wrong". He might have broken my heart and dreams, but, he isn't breaking theirs... A judge would want siblings to stay together... and they are pretty much of age to choose. I hurt so much. I poured my life into them. I taught them each to read. I stayed home and gave them the best of me, day after day. I feel rejected. And I feel like I cannot even really say much or show it. That's not fair to them. They are still young and need to grow up. They shouldn't be put in the middle. They shouldn't see my pain. But, I can hardly bear to look at their faces right now and know that they are going out my door. In the meantime, my dh is the sweetest, dearest man ever. He holds me. He lets me cry it out. He helps me to relax. I know he will take care of me and I love him more than ever... I've never shared much of this before. But, it's safe now. Ex cannot use anything that he sees here against me because he is getting what he wants... And even though this is public... I can share here what I cannot share on my facebook or blog... Please pray for me. Please give me your very best tips to fight the blues... Thanks, friends. :grouphug: I cannot imagine how much your heart is aching right now. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I will pray for you. I understand the lows that come from inescapable change and irreversible losses, but I have yet to find something that works well on a consistent basis. I am so relieved for you that you have someone dear to support you and hold you up when you cannot stand on your own. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MtnTeaching Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Oh, Honey. I wish I could give you a BIG hug, make a cup of tea for you, and also make all the hurt go away. Life sure isn't fair sometimes, is it?:grouphug: You know your children love you and that they know you love them. I guarantee, the first time they each get their hearts broken (and it WILL happen), you will be the one they come to. A change in bedroom location does not have to mean a change in where you are located in each other's heart! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: I can only imagine. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: Oh my goodness. I can't imagine the pain your feeling. I'm sorry, so sorry for how this is going. It's just awful. I have no tips for pain like that. Keep crying on your dh's shoulder. Keep holding on to him. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I am so glad you have your husband. I truly cannot imagine what you must be going through. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 My heart breaks for you. I am so very, very sorry. I will be praying for you, fully. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: I am confident that your investment in them will not go unappreciated. They will realize one day what you have done for them. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magdalene Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I'm so sorry. You will be in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyofthree Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I'm so sorry. Maturity and wisdom comes with age. They WILL realize......... one day :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I know this is so painful!!! In some regards I did this to my mother. It's not the exact same situation, in fact my mother had a lot of issues I was trying to get away from. Even with all her issues, I missed her desperatly! Also, when I became an adult I truly began to understand what her life and sacrifice was like. In some form they will come back to you. Right now is a sad time, the invest has been made and it's not yet time to cash out the reward. That time will come. The seed is buried, but a life will bloom...eventually. :crying: My best advice: Take an art class, develop a new hobby, volunteer at an animal shelter. I'm so sorry you are having to go thru this! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I can imagine what you are going through. I put my mother through it years ago. You are so right to put on a strong face towards your kids eventhough you are hurting inside. If your kids are anything like me and my sister, they will be back. Moving to dad's seems like a bit of adventure, but when it comes right down to it, it ends up being just regular life. And, life at mom's doesn't seem so "bad" or boring afterall. I hope and pray that they will eventually decide to move back with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GypsieFamily Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: I'm so sorry, more :grouphug: But what I really wanted to say is, it sounds from what you said like you are handling it in such a mature way. That takes such a big person to take the approach you have.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiegirl Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 My heart is aching for you right now. :grouphug::grouphug: I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you. Not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I am so sorry this is happening! :crying: I agree that you are in their hearts! You are in my prayers! :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: I wish I had something that would lift your spirits. Long, rambling walks on the beach? Some time away in a fabulous bed and breakfast with gardens and nooks to read and write in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimberly in IN Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: I wish I had words of wisdom or true comfort, but know that you are in my prayers. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug:, :grouphug:, and more :grouphug: Praying for you. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumping In Puddles Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry. They will come around with a little more maturity and they will remember what you did for them. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: My heart hurts for you right now. I'm lifting you in prayer. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I'm so sorry, Bee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pgr Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: You are an incredibly kind and loving mother, and that especially shows in how you are choosing to handle this, putting them first, protecting their hearts, and not putting them in the middle. Divorce is inevitably such a difficult, ugly, hurtful beast... Praying for you - no one should have to go through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonshine Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Wow - what a blow. I can't imagine. You are doing the right thing by keeping up a warm countenance and smiling face to them. They truly don't understand their choice and don't mean to hurt you. You handling it in the way you are means you will have their hearts forever, even if their bodies are not with you for awhile. God will give you the strength to carry on one minute at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: I am so sorry; I know you are really hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: These things, too, shall pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigdogs29906 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: I am only at the beginning of my divorce "adventure"...and am not looking forward to any more tough times....You are lucky to have found someone new. I hope peace finds you in this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I am so, so sorry. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm praying for you and for your whole family. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I can only imagine your pain. I am so sorry.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amydavis Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I'm so very sorry that you're having to go through this. I can't imagine how you must feel. Just know that they will understand, one day, how much you sacrificed. In the meantime, I hope you are able to find some peace with the situation. You're in my thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I'm sorry; that stinks! ;( Hugs... and... well... that just stinks... I'm really sorry! :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I'm so very sorry for how much you're hurting. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain. Is it possible for you to move to the same town where they will be living so you can still see them often and be involved in their school activities? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emerkaza Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 {{{Bee}}} I am so, so sorry. Your post breaks my heart. I would feel the same way. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: Praying for comfort for you. This is just horrible. I can't imagine the anguish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Is he really prepared to take care of 6(?) children? I wonder if it will last long. It must be very painful to let them go but you can always tell them your door is open anytime. They will remember your willingness to let go in the years to come - especially when they have children of their own. What you invested in them in time and love is never wasted because they are and always will be your children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blakereese Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself. I know this is so hard, but you are an amazing mom! I admire you for being able to step back and let them choose, even as they break your heart in two. I don't know if I could be that strong. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 (edited) Thanks so much. When I remarried, I moved 100 miles away. So, that is how far apart we'll be... at least it's easy to get there, spend some time and come home (for important events). My dear dh will not be moving any time in the next several years... we are happy living in this area, near his parents and his love of life (fishing and boating)... My ex is quite well situated with income (his partner has very good income) and I do know that he pays a lot of attention to his kids... he monitors homework and provides a lot of structure and activities. I have been told that I am to have all the kids for every holiday and time over the summer. I will still have two sons at home... my dh's boys. My daughter lives close by and I see her and my delightful grandson every week. Another daughter lives a half hour away and attends a University. She and I are also close. I see her once a month. And we have two grown sons (dh's boys, too) and one has a wife and two adorable grandchildren (3yob and 6 month baby girl, who I see each week). I know that I will adapt to another "new normal". But, right now it just hurts. Some moments I want to round them all up and yell, "Hey!! I'm your mom! I've poured my life out for you!" But, I go for a quick walk instead... Other moments I can think it all through and look for positives... Today is just a blue day... And I finished my crochet project for the time being... guess I need to get a "to do" list going and focus on some other things for a while. Hey, that is sounding more like myself... I think I am pulling out of my blue funk and might even get some sleep tonight... Every single one of these comments has blessed me. Thank you for taking time to just be by my side. PS I have been completely ministered to by Michael W. Smith Bridge Over Troubled Water. It is just as if my dh is singing it to me. I am so thankful for his holding me and the comfort he has. So, I keep listening to this song... I cannot put words to how special it's been to me this evening... dh is working late and traveling, but when he is here, his fingers stroke my brow, he kisses my forehead and his strong arms say, "lean on me, it'll be okay... we'll make it." Honestly, he writes this song to me with his actions nearly every day. Edited May 4, 2011 by BMW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: Late to the thread. Sorry, so sorry. :crying: Really. There have been a lot of sad things on the board lately. Sorry it has hit you too. I hope you'll stay connected here. I can't imagine your grief.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Oh hon, I am so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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