kokotg Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I can't remember the last time my kids were invited to a wedding. And since most of the invitations have been for weddings in other states (and not for immediate family) that means I can't remember the last time we were able to actually accept a wedding invitation. Just got the invitation for my cousin's wedding today. I knew it was going to an afternoon wedding, so I thought maybe it would be family friendly. But no. It's in town, so we will go, and I've already arranged for a friend to babysit, so it's not really a big deal. But is this just how it is now? I know it's their wedding and they get to have it how they want and all that; I'm not criticizing...it's just kind of weird to me...it never would have occurred to me not to invite kids to my wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forty-two Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Huh. I've heard about this trend, but I and all my cousins have invited kids to their weddings - I, at least, couldn't have gone otherwise. Part of the fun of receptions in my family is the older folks getting to watch the littles race around :). There'd be raised eyebrows if kids were excluded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 ...it never would have occurred to me not to invite kids to my wedding. Me either. When I realized that this seemed to be the trend, then got an invite to a cousin's wedding, I called her & told her that we would be finding a sitter for the kids that day. Her reaction was fabulous. "But.... WHY? You have to bring the kids!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I can't remember the last time my kids were invited to a wedding. And since most of the invitations have been for weddings in other states (and not for immediate family) that means I can't remember the last time we were able to actually accept a wedding invitation. Just got the invitation for my cousin's wedding today. I knew it was going to an afternoon wedding, so I thought maybe it would be family friendly. But no. It's in town, so we will go, and I've already arranged for a friend to babysit, so it's not really a big deal. But is this just how it is now? I know it's their wedding and they get to have it how they want and all that; I'm not criticizing...it's just kind of weird to me...it never would have occurred to me not to invite kids to my wedding. I have seen both. A lot of my childless friends, especially those who were not raised with little siblings, prefer them to be child-free. The biggest reason is that they don't want the noise during the ceremony (especially for the video to capture a crying baby during the vows). For friends who have children or are from families where children are common...children at the wedding are welcomed. We didn't invite any children, but it wasn't on purpose. We got married young, had very few guests, I am the baby of my own family and none of our friends had children yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edithcrawley Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I can't remember the last time my kids were invited to a wedding. And since most of the invitations have been for weddings in other states (and not for immediate family) that means I can't remember the last time we were able to actually accept a wedding invitation. Just got the invitation for my cousin's wedding today. I knew it was going to an afternoon wedding, so I thought maybe it would be family friendly. But no. It's in town, so we will go, and I've already arranged for a friend to babysit, so it's not really a big deal. But is this just how it is now? I know it's their wedding and they get to have it how they want and all that; I'm not criticizing...it's just kind of weird to me...it never would have occurred to me not to invite kids to my wedding. I've seen that trend quite a bit in the wedding boards I belong to. It depends a lot on the type of wedding reception people are having. Sit down formal dinner with dancing late into the night normally = no kids invited. Daytime reception in church hall with cookies and punch normally = kids invited. Part of the reason that kids aren't invited is cost. Catering is expensive, and even though kids are normally half price, it still adds up. Also, if a bride invites the kids of one family, then they have to invite the children of all of the other families as well or people will get angry. Some do not want smaller children at weddings for fear that they will cause a scene. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 It is frustrating isn't it?!! You either have to decline the invitation or go by yourself; no fun either way for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) Ime, children are more likely to attend weddings in this era. When I was a child, weddings were strictly grown- up affairs. Daddies in smart dark suits, mommies in pearls. (Although hippie weddings were also popular then, but I don't recall my dad ever having a beard...he did grow a mustache...lol. My mother looked fab in bell bottoms :) ). I didn't go to a wedding until I was 16. it was very exciting. All of my children had been to multiple weddings in childhood. That just wasn't the case when I was growing up. We had kids at our wedding, because I married into a huge, gigantic European immigrant family, and kids were absolutely everywhere. lol Edited February 4, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 For me, wedding are family events, so why wouldn't it be kid-friendly? Oh, well. Like you said, it's their wedding. When I had my wedding, we had a paid nursery attendant (church nursery) if you wanted to leave your small children in there during the service. It was strictly voluntary, though. I didn't insist on it. Everybody was invited to the reception. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forty-two Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) We didn't invite any children, but it wasn't on purpose. We got married young, had very few guests, I am the baby of my own family and none of our friends had children yet. Similar here - I'm the oldest cousin on one side, and the second oldest on the other, and the age range isn't *too* much, and all dh's cousins were grown-up with no kids, and all our friends had no kids, and our parents' friends' kids were just about grown-up, so the only kids I had were my older cousin's 2yo and my 8yo youngest cousin - everyone else was practically in their teens or older. Edited February 4, 2011 by forty-two Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynyel Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Do children need a separate invitation? If I had to do invitations for a wedding I would send one to my sister, for example, and assume that the kids are coming. I wouldn't send an invitation to the kids specifically. Unless the invitations specify you can't bring your kids? I wouldn't even attend a wedding when someone told me I couldn't bring my kids. Perhaps that is stubborn of me but that is what I would do. I understand that some people are over the top about their weddings and yes it is their choice but I still wouldn't go. Even if I knew the intentions were not to offend. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I've noticed the young professional couples with no exposure to kids don't tend to invite kids, they want perfect weddings, pre planned to tiniest detail, no room for error or chaos, or possible risk of bad behaviour from kids. Most others seem to though. We missed a wedding of university friends when my dd was about 8 weeks old maybe younger. They didn't want kids but there was no way I was leaving my new baby. They were bad at putting the fact across that kids weren't invited. Invites were sent out before my dd was born so she obviously wasn't on it but they didn't bother to mention the new baby wasn't welcome until the day of the wedding or the day before (can't remember now). People do need to be very clear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I think it's lame....personally one of the things I love about weddings is seeing all the littles all dressed up! A family occasion should include ALL the family. One more way our society is being fractured. My husband and I were married without ANYONE other than us, overseas, but we had a reception when we got back. And my favorite memeory of it is of a 3 year old throwing up in the middle of the living room. One of DH's guy friends had thought it was funny to chase him around tickling him after he ate a bunch of cake. We warned him to stop and he didn't so he had to clean up the vomit himself while the mom cleaned up the kid. (who went right back to eating cake!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 In my circle of friends and family kids are RARELY excluded from anything. Bride and groom get to decide of course, but it is my opinion that they are beginning their life together unrealistically. If there was a child crying on the video of my wedding I wouldn't consider it ruined. If the child was crying so much during the ceremony no one could hear the vows THAT is a situation that should be handled like any other event-religious service, or whatever....people without good enough sense to take their child out should be 'helped' out by someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punchie Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Regarding invitations - if it address to Mr & Mrs only, or Mr/Ms and Guest, then I would assume it's adults only. If it address to the X family, or Mr & Mrs & family, then I would assume it includes kids. Pretty much all of the weddings I've been to recently include kids. DH's family is very close-knit and has a lot of little ones. If anyone excluded kids, then most of the family wouldn't show up. That being said, I do think that the no kids stems from ppl wanting their day to be perfect, and they think that kids would keep it from being perfect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jen3kids Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 my sil got married and specifically did not invite our 3 dks or her other niece and nephew. Dh and I took our kids, but they stayed in the hotel room during the wedding and reception (with cell phone and we went up and checked on them every 30-45 minutes). Dh's bil stayed home with his kids while his wife went to the wedding. Grandma and Grandpa were not happy he didn't attend, but coming from Europe with 2 little kids who barely spoke English... what did they expect??? All 5 of the kids would have been fine at the wedding and my kids (at ages 12, 10, and 8) were insulted not to be invited The 'reason' for not inviting the kids was there were 'too many' on the groom's side, so it wouldn't have been fair, but then we found out there were no kids on the groom's side! We were not impressed, but it was their wedding... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kokotg Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 Do children need a separate invitation? If I had to do invitations for a wedding I would send one to my sister, for example, and assume that the kids are coming. I wouldn't send an invitation to the kids specifically. Unless the invitations specify you can't bring your kids? I wouldn't even attend a wedding when someone told me I couldn't bring my kids. Perhaps that is stubborn of me but that is what I would do. I understand that some people are over the top about their weddings and yes it is their choice but I still wouldn't go. Even if I knew the intentions were not to offend. :) They don't need a separate invitation, but it's always been my understanding that if they aren't included on the invitation (not necessarily by name, but "and family" at least), they aren't invited. When I did my invitations, the outer envelope had just the adult names, but the inner envelope had kid names on it. The one I got today had "Mr. and Mrs. [my husband's last name]" (which isn't even my name, but that's another story) on both envelopes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BBG580 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I think some of it has to do with the obsession our culture has with planning the perfect wedding, the fantasy extravaganza in which every detail is perfect. I've known a bride who demanded one of her bridesmaids lose weight because she thought she wouldn't look "good enough" in the photos otherwise. I think it is easy enough to make accommodations for young children, have some sort of easy plan established so parents can slip out if their child becomes loud or restless during the ceremony. I'm probably being uncharitable here, I am just so tired of image driven wedding planning instead of the focus being on asking your friends and family come see you make the biggest commitment of your life. It is more than a gown and the right flowers for goodness sake! I understand wanting to have a great experience and beautiful memories to cherish but the quest for wedding perfection (and the expense of it all!) is just out of control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kokotg Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 I think some of it has to do with the obsession our culture has with planning the perfect wedding, the fantasy extravaganza in which every detail is perfect. I've known a bride who demanded one of her bridesmaids lose weight because she thought she wouldn't look "good enough" in the photos otherwise. I think it is easy enough to make accommodations for young children, have some sort of easy plan established so parents can slip out if their child becomes loud or restless during the ceremony. I'm probably being uncharitable here, I am just so tired of image driven wedding planning instead of the focus being on asking your friends and family come see you make the biggest commitment of your life. It is more than a gown and the right flowers for goodness sake! I understand wanting to have a great experience and beautiful memories to cherish but the quest for wedding perfection (and the expense of it all!) is just out of control. My aunt (the groom's mother) was talking at the shower last weekend about how different wedding plan is now from when she got married (maybe 35 years ago)--how many appointments you have to go to and vendors you have to arrange--I kept thinking that my wedding (11 years ago) sounded an awful lot more like my aunt's wedding than my cousin's. Of course, I am so not a formal wedding kind of person. Looking back on it, I kind of wish we'd done a tiny, immediate family wedding (maybe at Disney World :D) and then an informal party for everyone later on instead of the relatively modest wedding we did have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 We do not go to weddings unless are kids are welcomed to it. I just have a real problem with people telling me my kids can't go. So no kids then do not expect us to come. :) Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I don't know about a trend. I think it is just personal preference. An invitation is just that. An invitation. The choice to attend or not is mine. If my kids are invited-great, if they are not then I see if I can make alternate arrangements. If I can't I decline. No skin off my nose either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Do children need a separate invitation? If I had to do invitations for a wedding I would send one to my sister, for example, and assume that the kids are coming. I wouldn't send an invitation to the kids specifically. Unless the invitations specify you can't bring your kids? I wouldn't even attend a wedding when someone told me I couldn't bring my kids. Perhaps that is stubborn of me but that is what I would do. I understand that some people are over the top about their weddings and yes it is their choice but I still wouldn't go. Even if I knew the intentions were not to offend. :) Normally, if the kids are included, the invitiation is addressed "Mr and Mrs Smith and family" or "John, Jane, Jimmy and Julie Smith". If it just says "Mr and Mrs Smith", the kids are not part of the invitation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I've seen that trend quite a bit in the wedding boards I belong to. It depends a lot on the type of wedding reception people are having. Sit down formal dinner with dancing late into the night normally = no kids invited. Daytime reception in church hall with cookies and punch normally = kids invited. One wedding we went to (we had two kids at the time) there was dancing and alcohol with catered dinner. My kids were invited. It was a very small wedding. There were lots of kids there but all of them were well behaved. They all sat down at the tables with their parents. Some danced with each other and some danced iwth their parents or uncles or whatever. Every adult had the chamange in their hands. It was probably one of the best weddings I have been to. In this case kids were invited and I was very happy to be part of it due to our kids being welcomed there. :001_smile::001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah C. Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 When I was planning my wedding, it never even crossed my mind *not* to invite kids! Then again, I'm the oldest of nine, so of course kids were going to be invited. :001_smile: I'm trying to remember how I addressed invitations...I'm fairly certain the outer envelope would have had just parents' names, but the inner envelope had all the kids' names if I knew the kids' names, or it had "and family." We had quite a few kids at the wedding. At least one adult RSVP'd saying that they would be coming sans kids, but that was their decision as far as I know and not because they thought the kids weren't invited! Personally, I think it's somewhat snobbish to exclude kids in most cases. I can see it for the fancy sit down evening dinner open bar etc. but not for much else. I'd probably err on the side of bringing my kids (and RSVPing that they would also be coming) if an invitation was addressed ambiguously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 My children have always been invited to the weddings we're invited to. Both small, informal to big, super expensive formal weddings. My sister's wedding was uber expensive, but child friendly. The kids had their own buffet table, and a special area with lots of table activities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I think if you can look at the bride and grooms point of view, they paid alot (or their families) for this day. Just because Suzy's kids behave wonderfully does not mean Georges kids do. You can't single people out (well I would, and have) but they don't want the parents who have children they refuse to watch trashing their wedding. That is their special day. I honestly would pick and choose, yes bring the children, no do not bring your children. My very good friend had a daughter who was an angel, the second child was a monster pure and simple. My friend refused to make her mind. She was little etc. exuse exuse. When the child finally destroyed an antique bed worth over $1,000 she was told the child was not welcome any longer. The older one yes but not that little one. It hurt her feelings she was mad for a while until she started talking to others who basiclly told her they didn't have the guts to tell her her kid wasn't wanted. Took her about 2 months of really cracking down after that the little girl was a welcome to my home. Weddings are expensive, they are hopefully once in a lifetime for a person, so no I don't want want any ill mannered kids there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaMa2005 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 We attended a wedding the end of October and DS's name was on the invitation. There were perhaps 6 other children there. DS behaved wonderfully and got a round of applause for his dancing :lol:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 When I got married, the only kids I invited were immediate cousins, and I was close to them. I had lots of reasons: 1. It was MY day, not a day for kids. 2. There are certain places/times for kids. I don't think weddings are one of them. I didn't want some little kid to start crying or talking in the middle of my vows. 3. Weddings are expensive and we were on a budget. Every kid was an extra head in the head-count. We could let everyone bring their kids and significantly reduce the number of adults we wanted there, or say no to the kids. My mom's best friend did call the morning of my wedding to say her sitter backed out on her and she asked if she could bring her son. If not, she would be there and she would leave her husband home to watch him. I absolutely didn't mind her bringing him under those circumstances, though I heard through the grapevine after that my mom's cousin was upset that I didn't let her bring her kids (who were total, complete monsters and spotlight-hoggers to boot). Other than my brother's wedding (and his guest list was a whopping 22 people) I've never been to a wedding where kids have been invited. In fact, I'd be surprised if my kids were invited to a wedding for anyone other than immediate family. My best friend is getting remarried. She has known my kids since they were born (she held my DD when she was a day old) and is like an aunt to them. The only kids at her wedding will be her child, her husband's kids, and I think her new nieces and nephews. My kids aren't invited, and I'm perfectly okay with that. She even asked if I would mind if she stuck my DH and me at the kids' table to supervise them so she could enjoy her day and not worry about them. I have no problem with that. It's her day. I'm there to help make sure it's one of the best days ever :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnitaMcC Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 So far... all the weddings we have been to include our kids, especially family weddings. The few that were for acquaintances/adult friends of Dh's included our kids on the invite. Dh ended up going to these weddings alone (I think one Dd had an out of town tournament and the other I and youngest Ds was sick). So far, no wedding invite was sent to us that did not include our kids. My niece is having her wedding in November and she is planning on having activities/games for the kids as part of the wedding reception. She is expecting about 30 kids to attend. We have alot of kids in our extended family. Figure on my side of family I have eight nieces/nephews who are under 18. Dh's family we have seven under 18. Plus our four kids. Then close friends of family have kids and so all are invited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I loved having kids at my wedding, but the only kids we invited were family - my nieces and nephews. Now, granted only a few of our friends had children, but they looked at this as a time to get away and do something grown up. We had a formal sit-down dinner, dancing and open bar afterwards - my parents wanted a big shindig since I was the last out of 6 kids to get married. Also, it was the only kind of wedding I knew. One of my brothers had a room at a nearby hotel where those too pooped to party could go and rest. I am glad we had the children there. My brother dancing with his 5 yo daughter was precious. We have a picture of 7 of my nieces and nephews posing with cigars (unlit, of course.) It is the most hilarious picture. My then 7yo nephew looked like a member of the rat-pack. I didn't know that this pic was taken, but we all about died laughing when we saw the proofs. My 5yo niece dragging my 4yo nephew on the dance floor and forcing him to dance with her was just hilarious. We have her on video telling him he was doing it all wrong. She is now 24 and still just as bossy;). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 My kids aren't invited, and I'm perfectly okay with that. She even asked if I would mind if she stuck my DH and me at the kids' table to supervise them so she could enjoy her day and not worry about them. I have no problem with that. It's her day. I'm there to help make sure it's one of the best days ever :D See... I wouldn't be okay with that unless the ONLY kids there were hers & her husband's. If she invites someone else's kids & you have to hire a sitter for yours, I would think she would put their parents at the kids' table and let you enjoy your kid-free day. I wouldn't hire a sitter for my own kids and then be someone else's unpaid child supervisor for the day. That's just MHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I can't remember the last time my kids were invited to a wedding. And since most of the invitations have been for weddings in other states (and not for immediate family) that means I can't remember the last time we were able to actually accept a wedding invitation. Just got the invitation for my cousin's wedding today. I knew it was going to an afternoon wedding, so I thought maybe it would be family friendly. But no. It's in town, so we will go, and I've already arranged for a friend to babysit, so it's not really a big deal. But is this just how it is now? I know it's their wedding and they get to have it how they want and all that; I'm not criticizing...it's just kind of weird to me...it never would have occurred to me not to invite kids to my wedding. I hope that's not a trend! Whenever we receive invitations, they always say "and family" if they do not specify my child's name directly. "And family" means children, too! I've been to plenty of weddings and children of invitees are always there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I was raised Mormon and we were married in the LDS temple, so no kids were allowed at the wedding ceremony itself. Our reception that day was a cake-and-punch affair, and kids were welcome. A couple of weeks later, my ILs had a reception for us in our home state. (We were married in my parents' home state, where I grew up.) My husband has roughly a bizillion cousins. My MIL invited those age 16 and up. When we received an invitation for our minister's wedding, our kids were invited. When we received an invitation for my husband's co-worker's wedding, the kids weren't invited (although other kids were there). Since my kids didn't know the co-worker or he them, that seemed perfectly appropriate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scuff Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I grew up with weddings being a family affair. It never occured to me not to invite kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry in OH Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I think it varies. Not everyone is family-oriented. Destination weddings and smaller, formal weddings rarely include children. Often the wedding or reception site discourages or prohibits children from being on the premises. One of DH's friends was married in a wine cellar. I am sure that every attendee was over the age of 21. Large family weddings typically include children. These tend to be more informal. If the invite reads "and sons," or "and family," I assume my children are welcome. Otherwise, we find a sitter or more likely, don't go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 We've had a pretty even mix, even within the family. I have one cousin who invited everyone's kids. My sister only invited nieces and nephews (5, total), no other kids. Another cousin had a no-kids wedding. One of my best friends had a related-kids-only wedding (so not mine). I didn't have a traditional wedding reception, but I can say I would not have been eager to pay $100 or so per child. Even if discounts are offered (I don't know about that kind of thing), there are a TON of kids in my family! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I grew up with weddings being a family affair. It never occured to me not to invite kids. :iagree: Also, weddings in our extended family & friends are not fancy formal affairs where not a hair can be out of place and not a peep can be made by a little kid. They're events of fun & laughter & joyousness ~ everyone is welcome, we don't care what you wear, etc. Just come, celebrate with us! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tabrizia Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I've seen that trend quite a bit in the wedding boards I belong to. It depends a lot on the type of wedding reception people are having. Sit down formal dinner with dancing late into the night normally = no kids invited. Daytime reception in church hall with cookies and punch normally = kids invited. Oddly enough I have never been to a daytime reception in a church hall with cookies and punch. In fact I think my children have gone to as many evening/nighttime weddings as daytime weddings, and we tend to have at least 1 wedding a year that we are invited to due to a large family and a lot of close family friends. That being said, there was only one wedding I have been invited to where children under 12 or so were not invited and that was because of the bride's family, while we were invited from the groom's side and didn't really know the bride. I really think it is a family and cultural thing. No one I know other then that one wedding has had a wedding without children invited, and that includes friend's children as well as family's children. That being said I don't know of anyone in my direct family, including my cousins who would even think of having a wedding that didn't include children. I really do think it is family and cultural thing, and just generally depends on how your family and friends arrange weddings and what they are use to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I think I've only been invited to weddings where kids are invited as well. Maybe it's a regional thing. But years ago, I think I was still in college, my parents were invited to a wedding. It explicitly asked for no children to be in attendance. Yet, the theme was...Mickey and Minnie Mouse! I know adults can get into Disney and all, and that's cool, but COME ON! No kids invited to your Mickey and Minnie wedding? There just seems to be something so wrong about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3peasinapod Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 How to they state in the invitation that kids aren't welcome? That's what I'm wondering. How do you be elegant in this, excluding some little ones? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Every wedding I've been invited to since I've had children has required that my kids stayed home. I guess they just worry about kids being disruptive and ruining the wedding? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 How to they state in the invitation that kids aren't welcome? That's what I'm wondering. How do you be elegant in this, excluding some little ones? You don't have to state they aren't welcome. You simply don't include them when you address the invitation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3peasinapod Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I think some of it has to do with the obsession our culture has with planning the perfect wedding, the fantasy extravaganza in which every detail is perfect. I've known a bride who demanded one of her bridesmaids lose weight because she thought she wouldn't look "good enough" in the photos otherwise. I think it is easy enough to make accommodations for young children, have some sort of easy plan established so parents can slip out if their child becomes loud or restless during the ceremony. I'm probably being uncharitable here, I am just so tired of image driven wedding planning instead of the focus being on asking your friends and family come see you make the biggest commitment of your life. It is more than a gown and the right flowers for goodness sake! I understand wanting to have a great experience and beautiful memories to cherish but the quest for wedding perfection (and the expense of it all!) is just out of control. I am with you on this. My sister was so stressed out that any little comment sent her over the edge on her wedding day. She tells me to this day that she wished I wasn't her maid of honor because I didn't help her on that day. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3peasinapod Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 You don't have to state they aren't welcome. You simply don't include them when you address the invitation. I see. I am so illiterate when it comes to these things! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Personally, I don't think formal weddings are a place for babies or little kids. I've been at weddings where kids were runnning in the aisle - wha?? My cousin was in tears when her 3yo started shrieking during the vows at my brother's wedding. Twenty years later we laugh when we watch the video, but at the time cousin was mortified and the bride wasn't too happy either. :D We paid a sitter to watch the kids of the attendees to our wedding, and everyone said they had a much better time without having to worry about parenting. My kids have been to only one wedding, and it was a very intimate second marriage ceremony with family only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I totally understand. I have been frustrated at weddings when I can't hear... people jingling keys for their children.... not taking them out straight away when they are really fussy. For my wedding, I didn't invite any children. AND, I did have my daughter and his daughters there. I love kids, but weddings are adult occasions. For me, I might have, if I thought most people had what I consider good manners... :( (And, btw, I didn't have an extravagant wedding, just a sweet one :) We spent less than $3000. Maybe close to that including the rings) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 How to they state in the invitation that kids aren't welcome? That's what I'm wondering. How do you be elegant in this, excluding some little ones? If the invitation does not mention "family" or otherwise mention the children - then the children are NOT invited. The invitation is only for who it is addressed to, not who it is addressed to plus anyone else they would like to bring. We didn't have children at our wedding and I'm glad. I wanted a small but simple and elegant Saturday afternoon wedding in a small church with similarly styled cake and punch reception in the church hall. The entire wedding from walk down the aisle to us leaving after reception was less than 2 hours. I didn't and still do not find kids running around, yelling, crying, or puking amusing or cute, double not cute at a once in a lifetime planned out paid for occasion. I certainly wouldn't take it to mean we were anti-children though. Obviously.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iquilt Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) When dh's brother got married, they asked our 3 year old to be in the wedding but said our 1year old wasn't invited. We had to attend the out of state wedding after taking our baby to my parents for the long weekend. Then the four kids who were allowed in the wedding were not allowed at the reception so the parents of the children all chipped in for a sitter to stay with them at the hotel across the street. I thought it was all so strange but I was not in a position to rock the boat. Edited to add: when I was in college I often provided babysitting services at local venues for children attending weddings. That always seemed to me to be a good option. When we married we invited children of anyone invited to attend but only my baby niece was actually there. We had a cousin of mine who said her and her husband and three children would be there but they never came nor called to say they wouldn't be there. That did leave an entire table empty for the reception. Edited February 4, 2011 by iquilt Added something Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Children were welcome at both of my weddings. As far as pictures, saying vows, reverence, etc, I not only anticipate life happening, but it often becomes fodder for my type of humor. That said, I find some of the comments about a no kid choice to be very unfair. I didn't chose to have a child free wedding, but I completely understand why couples do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 The only weddings we've been invited to in the recent past have been family weddings and our children were also invited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3peasinapod Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I didn't and still do not find kids running around, yelling, crying, or puking amusing or cute, double not cute at a once in a lifetime planned out paid for occasion.;) LOL! :lol: Well, when you put it that way! True! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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