teragram Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 (edited) If you've been married more than 15 years or so how would you answer this question? Just pretend you are meeting your spouse for the first time at this point in your life. Do you think you would fall deeply in love and live happily ever after? OR would you be casual friends? OR would you keep your distance? I'm just pondering how the two of us have changed so much over the years but we now have so much history between us that I can't imagine not being with him. However, sometimes I just wonder if he's still the sort of man I would be attracted to if I met him for the first time at this point in my life. (Some of the things that I fell in love with are now driving me crazy.) I love my husband now, but would I fall in love with him again if we were just staring to date at his point in our lives... Anyone relate to these thoughts? Edited August 19, 2009 by teragram Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetgeo Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Well, in terms of physical attraction, I would NOT have my head turned in passing (but then maybe he would say the same about me?!) But upon striking up a conversation, where his genuine heart and morals and thoughts of life would come into play...well then, I feel I would fall in love again all over. Now that is not to say there aren't times I look at him and think, "Who are you and what happened to the man I married?!" But for the most part, aside from some things that drive me crazy, that same wonderful guy is there, and in some ways is better than when we first married. HTH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hose Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Definitely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAM Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Well I guess it's hard to say b/c it's impossible for me to imagine *not* having all the history we have- but yes I believe I would. I certainly don't have regrets & would do it over again in a heartbeat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Definitely. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 (edited) Absolutely not. We've been married 17 years. My needs and desires are different now. We have made our situation work, but it is not what I would choose at this point in my life. He is a love, and a wonderful father, but also very eccentric, and very hard to know. At this point, I don't need a father for my children, I would rather have a close companion. Edited August 19, 2009 by Nicole M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 I don't know if I'd notice him now or not, but I can say there's absolutely no one else I'd rather be married to so I'm really glad I found him years ago when I did... We just celebrated 21 years together last week (married, more than that if you count dating). I hope we have another 50 years... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Definitely, 20 years and we still got the heat. :001_wub: The chemistry and camaraderie are still just as strong as they ever were and I can't think of anything he does that even irritates me. I feel incredibly blessed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenpatty Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 YES! We've been married for 15 years now - since I was 18. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irene Lynn Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 I would at least be friends. I don't know if I would fall for him in the same way or not, though I have never regretted marrying him at all. He is a great man. I guess at this point in my life, if I were to start over, I just can't imagine falling in love period. It might happen, but I just can't imagine it. So my answer is not because of who he is, but rather who I am now. Like Creekland said, I am glad I met him when I did. I am glad we are married and I am glad for our history, but I can't imagine starting over to build another history. Part of the reason is that I am spoiled with him in many ways. All in all, I hope we grow old together and have more adventures. And I am glad that I won't ever really know the answer to your question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5knights3maidens Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Yes, definitely. We've been married almost 26 years, together 28. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Yes, I would still marry him (and with heart throbbing). He was ready to wait for me so perhaps if we had waited 20 years he would have been so much more docile and easy and loving of me... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 In May 2010 we will have been married 20years and YES I would absolutely marry him again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prairie~Phlox Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 I don't know, I love my husband dearly, but when we were married, he was going to school, now he is self employed and not always very motivated, I just wish we were more financially stable. He has on his facebook under his relatives that I am the LOML (Love of my Life) and I really can't say that. I always think if anything did happen to him, that I would remarry and that I would look for someone that could support me better. Now don't get me wrong, our marriage is great and we agree that divorce is not an option and are completely faithful, what not, but it is all that I expected? Not really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Like you said, I can't imagine life without him. But no. Had circumstances been different THEN we wouldn't have continued. And there are too many things different now. So though we have made this work (and work pretty well!), I can't imagine that without THAT combination of the situation we ever would have gotten together and even that wouldn't cause it to happen now. I think that our lives are proof (as much as arranged marriages are in other cultures) that making it work is a choice, happiness is a choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetpeach Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Absolutely. We have tremendous struggles and tall mountains to climb. We also enjoy wide open spaces and happiness like I never expected possible. This is real life: the unimaginable delight, the good, the bad and the downright ugly. No question, I'd marry this man again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Absolutely!! When we were in high school, our senior class voted us 'Most Likely to Stay Together'. I guess they were right! :) We've handled the good and bad times as a team, and have grown closer through the years. We both say that we couldn't imagine life apart from the other. I also know that there is an even stronger chemistry between us now, which I didn't think was even possible for old timers. He doesn't make much money, but he is a good and faithful provider, a stable confidant, my strongest encourager, and a wonderful human being...and he's darn cute, too. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Yes. When we married, I was not passionately in love and we married anyway. Over time I have grown to really, really love him. We have beautiful children. Our history, though, is what makes our relationship - I can't imagine having not been there for all that we have been through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Yes. I'm not sure any other man would have me! :D One thing tho, makes this an impossible question to answer, really--Being together and experiencing life together, has formed us into different people than we would have been had we not come together. So I can't tell, really, if I'd be roughly the same person I am now or vastly different, had I not met, lived with, and had children with, my husband. The children we created also have formed my heart in a figurative way as much as my body formed theirs in a literal way. They would not exist, had not my husband and I gotten together. I can kinda see how my brother influenced my dear sil, because now she's grown without him for 5 years; he smoothed her edges, which have sharpened a bit--of course, that could be tied to the experience of losing him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gretchen in NJ Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Most definitely.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gretchen in NJ Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Most definitely.:D I hope you don't mind that I answered since we are only married for 14 years this Septenber.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rafiki Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earthmother Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 I wouldn't even think twice-I hope he'd say the same for me!:001_smile: I am the luckiest woman on earth! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Definitely. And with even more enthusiasm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FeFe Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 We've only been married 12 and a half years but yes, absolutely I would. We've both changed tremendously over the years but I feel like we've changed together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam Wilhelm Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Been married for 20 years now.......... and I'd marry him over and over and over again. (He always said I was easy! :lol: ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Yes. Our marriage is better now than it's ever been. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hmschoolmom22 Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Oh YEAH!!!!! It'll be 20 years next April and I would do it again for sure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 but I imagine I would. He is a hard worker and patient. He has been faithful and supportive of my choices (homeschooling, etc.) He has more baggage from lack of a father figure than I could recognize at 18 years old. Not really the point of the question but if I had it to do over I would but I so wish I could do it over and do it right. I wish I could have this man but have nurtured the marriage, done things differently so that we would be happier now. It's only been 13 years but they have been stressful. I guess I wish I could start over with him but with the maturity of a 34 yo instead of a 21 yo. We want to stay together and I can't see us divocing but we're not exactly "happy" either. It's been hard and it's hard now. I think it really could have gone differently and wish we could start over. If kids weren't in the equation I think we could separate with the intent of "dating" and getting back together and that we could make a lot of progress. Can't really do that in our situation, though. Marie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 I think so. I am not a soul mate believer (as in there is only ONE out there for you ever) but I believe he is certainly the best for me. The things that attracted me to him before are qualities he still has. Now, if I had known his family better before we got married.....I might have thought twice.....:D Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingM Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 If you don't mind a guy answering, I would absolutely marry my wife over. I look back at how young and naive I was at 22 and can't believe I made such a good choice. Most other big decisions I was making at that time (college degree, job) I had to fumble through, make a few mistakes first. Glad I didn't bungle this one, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Y E S ! ! ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 (edited) I look back at how young and naive I was at 22 and can't believe I made such a good choice. This is me. I don't even know why I married my DH. We both come from horribly disfunctional families. We met at work and became attached immediatly. We NEEDED each other. It wasn't a mature love. It wasn't wisdom. It was desperation. Thinking about it now, I know it had to be a God thing. I take no credit what.so.ever. Because I know my DH could have turned out to be a totally different person. I had NO IDEA when I married him that deep down, he possesed the character qualities that make me stand in awe of him now. The fact is, I HIT THE JACKPOT! Another thing I've thought about is that I have never met another man, gotten to know another man, say at church, or a friend's husband, whom I would even consider to be marriage material (for me). The more men I get to know, the more I realize how amazingly lucky (blessed!) I am to have the one I've got! And about physical attraction, oooooh baby - still can't take my eyes off him! So absolutely, if I met him today, I would be physically attracted to him right off, and as I got to know him, would find out that he is a jewel, an absolute jewel. Click here to see a picture of my hunk-a-hunk-a and read my 25th wedding anniversary message to him! (Aug 17th) www.harmonpfarms.blogspot.com Edited August 19, 2009 by katemary63 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Well-said...and since it fits my situation/life, I'll just say ditto. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 If you've been married more than 15 years or so how would you answer this question? Just pretend you are meeting your spouse for the first time at this point in your life. Do you think you would fall deeply in love and live happily ever after? OR would you be casual friends? OR would you keep your distance? I'm just pondering how the two of us have changed so much over the years but we now have so much history between us that I can't imagine not being with him. However, sometimes I just wonder if he's still the sort of man I would be attracted to if I met him for the first time at this point in my life. (Some of the things that I fell in love with are now driving me crazy.) I love my husband now, but would I fall in love with him again if we were just staring to date at his point in our lives... Anyone relate to these thoughts? In a heartbeat. Ron and I have been married going on 23 years and its been an wonderful journey so far. We were best friend for 6 years before we married so it's made for an excellent marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 I hope you don't mind that I answered since we are only married for 14 years this Septenber.;) Oops! Missed the 15 years part. We've only been married for 12. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 I would at least be friends. I don't know if I would fall for him in the same way or not, though I have never regretted marrying him at all. He is a great man. I guess at this point in my life, if I were to start over, I just can't imagine falling in love period. It might happen, but I just can't imagine it. So my answer is not because of who he is, but rather who I am now. Like Creekland said, I am glad I met him when I did. I am glad we are married and I am glad for our history, but I can't imagine starting over to build another history. Part of the reason is that I am spoiled with him in many ways. All in all, I hope we grow old together and have more adventures. And I am glad that I won't ever really know the answer to your question. :iagree: I don't need to write anything. You've said it all. I get a little comfort in knowing that many of my long-time married friends feel the same way. K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony'sMom Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 I think so. I am not a soul mate believer (as in there is only ONE out there for you ever) but I believe he is certainly the best for me. The things that attracted me to him before are qualities he still has. Now, if I had known his family better before we got married.....I might have thought twice.....:D Dawn I always tell my son that when you marry you not only marry your spouse - you are marrying into a family. I tell him to make sure he can get along with his in-laws before he considers getting married - (I loved my ILs and only wish they were still with us.) By, the way - YES I WOULD MARRY MY HUSBAND AGAIN! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Absolutely. I still think he is very handsome, but the more mature me doesn't look for that so much, but at the things that are really important. What kind of person is he? What are his values? What are his goals in life? Could we build a life together? Where would God fit in our relationship? Does he love kids? and lastly Does he make my heart go aflutter? There have been seasons in our marriage where I was not so sure about the answer, but when I look long term, I look forward to growning old with him, facing challenges in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in PA Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 We've been married 14 years, but I would definitely remarry my husband if I met him now. His sense of humor, friendly and outgoing personality, and love for God/commitment to serving Him were the things that drew me to him in the first place, and they're still there, all the more now, actually. I do wonder sometimes if he would still be interested in *me* though, if he met me for the first time now. Glad I snared him while I was still young and lovely! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Its hard to say but I think probably not. We dont even know how we ended up with each other- really! We are so, so different! But I had a voice in my heart say "this is your destiny" over and over when we were first going out. And he told me "you are going to have my kids- I had a premonition" when we were going out, and we still didnt really get on very well ( I think I threw something at him when he said that, too)! Some relationships are just a mystery. I dont think we really felt we chose each other even 17 years ago. It somehow just happened. But we have both learned and grown a lot and theres lot's of love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 If you've been married more than 15 years or so how would you answer this question? Just pretend you are meeting your spouse for the first time at this point in your life. Do you think you would fall deeply in love and live happily ever after? OR would you be casual friends? OR would you keep your distance? I'm just pondering how the two of us have changed so much over the years but we now have so much history between us that I can't imagine not being with him. However, sometimes I just wonder if he's still the sort of man I would be attracted to if I met him for the first time at this point in my life. (Some of the things that I fell in love with are now driving me crazy.) I love my husband now, but would I fall in love with him again if we were just staring to date at his point in our lives... Anyone relate to these thoughts? I'm not sure I'd get a 2nd glance from him. So I'm really glad this is hypothetical. Truly though if I knew the future I was signing on for with him I think I would have balked -- even back when we were younger. And now if I had to think about remarriage --with anyone-- I think I'd pass. Life is tough. It's even tougher when you have a marriage to negotiate, kids to raise, and everything else life throws at your. But I like our life. But I don't want to start it over again. We're celebrating our 18th this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Absolutely! I can't believe how fortunate I was to have met "the one". We had a heart to heart last week where he told me that he didn't think it was possible to love me more than when we were first together, yet he does :svengo:. We were married on a Friday the 13th, 15 years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Marrying my husband was the smartest thing I have ever done in my whole life. He has always been willing to sacrifice in order to provide for me and the kids. We have been married 17 years, and I wouldn't change a thing. If something happened to him, I would not be interested in dating or remarrying though. I guess I DO believe in soul mates! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaLisa Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Absolutely. We have the same life vision, the same values, the same deep belief in God that drives everything we do. When I see what is out there, I realize how incredibly blessed I am to have a man that is so hardworking, so faithful, so fun, so good to our family. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline4kids Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Only 14 years here, but YEP, DEFINITELY.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 We just celebrated 10 yrs in June, so maybe my answer will change in 5 more, & you can throw it out. BUT... look at this guy. He'd buckle any girl's knees. And as far as who he is? Well, he'd barely turned 20 when we married, & 10 yrs later, he has the same ideals but less...bachelorishness. I mean, he understands that some things are gross, he's smarter, makes more $. Gosh, I was lucky enough *then* that I lost friends over marrying him. Now? Can you imagine how other women in this age bracket would be beating down his door? He cooks dinner, cleans house (not well), takes all 4 dc by himself, & would be *thrilled* to have as many dc as I wanted, if $ were no object, even if it meant less of the things he wants for himself. There just aren't words for a man like this. I try not to talk about him much, because I hate to make other women feel bad. He's really that great. My only issue w/ remarrying him would be making sure I was first in line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 (edited) My dh is better now that when I married him. lol He'd probably marry someone else if he were then who he is now. I could have easily married a jerk, but he saved me from that. :D If I met him today, I would be thinking the same as I did back then, except today his clothes match, so I wouldn't have to think about that. My thought would be, "This guy is nice! He's not as tall as I like them, and he's a nerd, but he's making me laugh. He smells really good. Wow. He doesn't live with his mother and has a good job. Wait. Why is he leaving with that girl who doesn't want 12 kids?" Edited August 19, 2009 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferdie Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Yes, we have been married 25 years. He is an amazing person and I would remarry him in a heartbeat. Now if you had asked me that question during year 7-10 of our marriage I probably would have given you a different answer. Those were some tough times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Now, if I had known his family better before we got married.....I might have thought twice.....:D :lol: I think my dh feels this way about me. Sometimes. Would I remarry my dh if I just met him? Honey, I'd be knocking all the other women out the way to get to him! He is still a total hottie:001_wub:. Yes, we have changed in the almost 10 years we've been married, but I wouldn't trade the guy for anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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