Bride dictating what colors are to be worn by guests?

[Indigo Blue]

3 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

I am so glad now I have a child who wants to elope/go very casual when they get married. 😄

Same. Mine are extremely happy being single. They have said if they ever marry, it will be very simple. 
 

 

[Catwoman]

8 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

Same. Mine are extremely happy being single. They have said if they ever marry, it will be very simple. 
 

 

Until they meet someone who has always wanted a huge, "dream" wedding and they don't want to disappoint the love of their lives... 😉 

[Indigo Blue]

2 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Until they meet someone who has always wanted a huge, "dream" wedding and they don't want to disappoint the love of their lives... 😉 

Well, I will never say never, lol, but they are both very philosophically opposed to such “nonsense” as they call it. 

[Jaybee]

3 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

Call me crazy, but if I were having a wedding in an undeveloped creek bottom I'm pretty sure I'd suggest people come comfy and casual.

But that's just me.

With long pants and long sleeves to help protect from ticks.

[marbel]

15 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Until they meet someone who has always wanted a huge, "dream" wedding and they don't want to disappoint the love of their lives... 😉 

Right?! Or they just change their minds. There's a wide range between "very simple" and a crazy expensive spectacle. When I got married for real (2nd marriage) I went a little beyond the parameters I'd always imagined. In any case, it was more than my 1st wedding which was at a courthouse. 

 

[Faith-manor]

This makes me so happy that two of mine are determined to remain single, and ds/dil were completely uninterested in a wedding, for married by a friend with about ten people watching, and then we went to a restaurant where I put flower arrangements and candles on the tables, and that was that. We did one wedding, dd's, and for me pulling it all off so we didn't have to pay for help except the caterer, it was exhausting and not even remotely enjoyable.

OP, the "leave within 30 minutes" thing bothers me even more than the dress code color, and that bothers me too. This is a wedding where I feel like they do not want people to be there, but do want to make a gift grab. They would get a card, congratulations and signature, and a twenty dollar Amazon gift card. I would not make an effort. I am becoming a curmudgeon who has decided what I have remaining of time on this earth is NOT worth making myself crazy for ridiculously picky people.

[TechWife]

I think using  dress code terminology would have been acceptable - though it’s unlikely a woman who follows them would wear black to a wedding.

I’m starting a spin off thread re: social conventions & the role they play in culture. 

Edited May 30 by TechWife

[Spryte]

I would not be able to walk to a creek bottom in cocktail attire — unless I wore shoes that did not fit the dress code. My feet would not cooperate with that!

And leaving promptly to drive home after a quick ceremony — ouch. I don’t think I’d be up for outfitting my family in cocktail attire for a day of driving, an uncomfortable walk, and no opportunity to socialize or gather with family.

We would likely send a card and gift this time.

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, marbel said:

They're likely getting their ideas from social media and friends of their own generation, and figuring they're doing fine with that. It's like new homeschoolers not wanting advice from veterans. Or my reaction to my MIL telling me to get that baby off the bre@st and on the bottle at 8 weeks. Things change; young people don't want advice from old people. 

But... aren't people supposed to wait to be asked before giving their opinions? I have not offered unsolicited opinion/advice on anything to my kids once they became adults.  I don't have any weddings in the foreseeable future, but if one comes up, I don't expect to offer opinions about their plans unless they ask. I think/hope they will ask.  Come to think of it, my mother never offered me advice either unless asked. And I just thought about how my shoulders tense up when I hear my husband offering me unsolicited advice! 

I think it is good general rule yes, but if you see your young adult making a decision that is alienating loved ones you ( general you) aren’t suppose to say anything? 

[ScoutTN]

3 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I think it is good general rule yes, but if you see your young adult making a decision that is alienating loved ones you ( general you) aren’t suppose to say anything? 

The “your” is important, I think. Different as an extended family member than a parent. Especially if the bride’s parents are paying for the wedding and (non) reception. I think whether or not to speak would depend on the level of relationship. Most likely (though maybe not?) people closest to the couple were in on their thinking process before invitations went out? 

[marbel]

18 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I think it is good general rule yes, but if you see your young adult making a decision that is alienating loved ones you ( general you) aren’t suppose to say anything? 

I've been thinking about this thread a lot this morning. I think the way I communicate with my adult kids is to ask questions rather than give my opinion. So if presented with the 30 minute wedding in the creekbed, I might ask some questions about the logistics of it. This could be seen as being passive-aggressive by indirectly giving my opinions via questions, I don't know. I try very hard not to indulge in passive-aggressive communications after years of my husband's family and see where his P-A tendencies come from. Anyway....

"wow, that is a pretty place for a ceremony. I'm wondering about Uncle Bob and how he'd get there in his wheelchair, what do you think about you putting down some wood as a ramp?" 

"How will you handle guests who don't adhere to the dress code? Some people might not have those things."

I don't know, is that offering an opinion/unsolicited advice? I think of it as guiding them to see that they might be going wrong. 

If the place is on the property near the bride's house, and I was the bride's mother, I might suggest that I take on having guests hang out at the house after the wedding, and I would take responsibility for the food. 

I mean, what I'd really want to do is say "What the hell? Did you learn NOTHING from me about how to be a good host? You really want people tromping down to the creek in dressy clothes that they might have bought for this occasion because you want the pictures to look a certain way? And you're giving them half an hour to see you married, socialize and eat a fruit kabob before leaving? Is this a joke? 

But I would refrain! 

But who knows? Maybe the bride's parents are all in on this too!

Edited May 30 by marbel

[fairfarmhand]

My policy on advice to grown kids is “rarely if unasked” so when I do advise it’s taken seriously. Like twice since my oldest has been  an adult and she’s 26. 

[teachermom2834]

I will be embarking on wedding planning as a mother of the groom in the near future and while it will not be a massive spectacle, it will be a significant celebration and have lots of parts and events. I love the bride to be but I don’t expect she will want a lot of input from me. 
 

If I see them doing something that is going to really alienate people or hurt feelings I would speak to my ds privately and just say hey I don’t know if you know that this is going to come across this way, or how this might affect these people, but here is how this will be interpreted. Just so you know. And then I would let it go. So while I don’t tell my grown kids what to do or offer many opinions, I would gently point something like this out, citing my life experience. But then I’d let it go.

So far all I have said is that I’d prefer to be allowed to wear a darkish color dress. But I told this to my ds privately in the context of we will be there to support them whatever they choose and I would prefer to wear a dark colored dress but I will absolutely do whatever bride wants and not say a word. (Except to my dd, we will privately express remorse for any unfortunate color choices).

[Pippen]

1 hour ago, Catwoman said:

I'm thinking that if this is a niece and she's a sweet girl, is it possible that maybe something got lost in the translation when they wrote those invitations? Given that everyone in the family seems to be invited, could it be that the bride and groom were actually trying their best to include everyone but were on a very low budget so they couldn't afford a reception for everyone, so they ended up with this particular plan?

If I were Janet, I might call the bride (or her mom, if her mom is involved in the planning) and try to clarify things -- and also to explain why she and her family might not be able to attend. I'm sure Janet is not the only one who is hesitant to attend, given the very strict parameters and rules of the whole (very short) event. I'm not sure if the bride is Janet's niece on her side or her husband's side of the family, but I would think a call to the sibling who is the bride's parent wouldn't be out of line here, especially if Janet isn't particularly close to her niece and might feel awkward calling her directly. 

At first, I was thinking this wasn't such a close relative, but now that I know the bride is a niece, I would definitely want to talk to my sibling (or my dh's sibling) and get more info. Also, if the bride is a very sweet person, I wouldn't want to intentionally hurt her feelings by simply declining the invitation without explanation -- especially because a lot of other people might be declining as well and the bride might not understand why it's happening.

I think it's more of a societal shift with younger generations, than a case of getting lost in translation. I was venting my frustration over attire and colors specified in a wedding invitation to my daughter, who is by all accounts a sweet and reasonable girl. I fully expected her to understand my position, but she was very quick to defend the bride. That's what everyone does now, of course she wouldn't want those colors in the photos, etc. 

Instead of wearing an outfit I already had, I shelled out for an entire new outfit. It was seasonal clearance time and what we couldn't wear was plentiful on the clearance racks, but there wasn't a lot of new stock in yet. I was able to make a pair of shoes I already had work. 

[Scarlett]

10 minutes ago, marbel said:

I've been thinking about this thread a lot this morning. I think the way I communicate with my adult kids is to ask questions rather than give my opinion. So if presented with the 30 minute wedding in the creekbed, I might ask some questions about the logistics of it. This could be seen as being passive-aggressive by indirectly giving my opinions via questions, I don't know. I try very hard not to indulge in passive-aggressive communications after years of my husband's family and see where his P-A tendencies come from. Anyway....

"wow, that is a pretty place for a ceremony. I'm wondering about Uncle Bob and how he'd get there in his wheelchair, what do you think about you putting down some wood as a ramp?" 

"How will you handle guests who don't adhere to the dress code? Some people might not have those things."

I don't know, is that offering an opinion/unsolicited advice? I think of it as guiding them to see that they might be going wrong. 

If the place is on the property near the bride's house, and I was the bride's mother, I might suggest that I take on having guests hang out at the house after the wedding, and I would take responsibility for the food. 

I mean, what I'd really want to do is say "What the hell? Did you learn NOTHING from me about how to be a good host? You really want people tromping down to the creek in dressy clothes that they might have bought for this occasion because you want the pictures to look a certain way? And you're giving them half an hour to see you married, socialize and eat a fruit kabob before leaving? Is this a joke? 

But I would refrain! 

But who knows? Maybe the bride's parents are all in on this too!

Those questions  are what I have in my mind when helping anyone I am close to rethink a bad plan. 
I would not however do that over say flower choices. Somethings need to be left alone if it is  a simple difference of preferences. 
This situation…. Is not that. 

[teachermom2834]

I do think sometimes there can be a little gentle pushback. I guess you have to know your bride. I had a friend whose ds was marrying a young lady (like 19 or 20 yos). This bride was doing all the things, watching all the TikToks, and would come up with ideas like having a dress code of all pastels for a garden party theme and the future MIL was able to gently point out that neither of their families really fit the profile of being dictated to or having the attire or being happy to purchase it and while that would be beautiful people might not be comfortable or as happy as they could be at her wedding and this bride would immediately snap back to reality and nix those ideas. Like she wanted the ideal but in the end she just wanted everyone happy. Surely a lot of our sweet younger relatives would be like that but there are definitely a lot that would scream “Boundaries!” Oy.

Some of the funniest memories of my generation’s weddings were the mixing of all the different family components and attire was part of it. I had relatives that remind me of the Gilmores from Gilmore Girls and other family members that would show up in jeans and a polo and call that dressed up. I have one uncle that wore a bright red suit to every one of my generation’s weddings (I have 27 cousins). It’s funny to have Uncle Tommy in that red suit in all those pictures. Next to the stuffy old ladies in their gowns and pearls and the little kids running wild and whatever interesting guests showed up. Even the scandalous guest who showed up wearing white usually added to the entertainment. Definitely not aesthetic but I think it’s a kind of art installation of its own. But I am quick to own being out of touch!

[Catwoman]

11 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

I do think sometimes there can be a little gentle pushback. I guess you have to know your bride. I had a friend whose ds was marrying a young lady (like 19 or 20 yos). This bride was doing all the things, watching all the TikToks, and would come up with ideas like having a dress code of all pastels for a garden party theme and the future MIL was able to gently point out that neither of their families really fit the profile of being dictated to or having the attire or being happy to purchase it and while that would be beautiful people might not be comfortable or as happy as they could be at her wedding and this bride would immediately snap back to reality and nix those ideas. Like she wanted the ideal but in the end she just wanted everyone happy. Surely a lot of our sweet younger relatives would be like that but there are definitely a lot that would scream “Boundaries!” Oy.

Some of the funniest memories of my generation’s weddings were the mixing of all the different family components and attire was part of it. I had relatives that remind me of the Gilmores from Gilmore Girls and other family members that would show up in jeans and a polo and call that dressed up. I have one uncle that wore a bright red suit to every one of my generation’s weddings (I have 27 cousins). It’s funny to have Uncle Tommy in that red suit in all those pictures. Next to the stuffy old ladies in their gowns and pearls and the little kids running wild and whatever interesting guests showed up. Even the scandalous guest who showed up wearing white usually added to the entertainment. Definitely not aesthetic but I think it’s a kind of art installation of its own. But I am quick to own being out of touch!

Am I the only one who wants to meet Uncle Tommy? 😁

[Carol in Cal.]

FWIW, I had a dear niece who changed her wedding to an international destination one in Mexico.

And when I read the particulars, I just couldn’t picture us doing it because it was in a town 2 hours from the nearest airport, with no lodgings and no medical facilities.  The happy couple had arranged for friends to pick up and host all the guests, which was very thoughtful and hospitable, but my husband has a bad back, and I have asthma, and the last time I had the stomach flu I ended up in the hospital and almost died, so it was completely clear to me that it was more likely than not that we were going to be the drama at this wedding, and not in a good way.

So I wrote her a loving letter, and explained that we were dying to attend but that our health was not good enough to risk the trip, and wishing her all the best.  I wasn’t the least bit critical of her plans.

We are still close!

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, Pippen said:

I think it's more of a societal shift with younger generations, than a case of getting lost in translation. I was venting my frustration over attire and colors specified in a wedding invitation to my daughter, who is by all accounts a sweet and reasonable girl. I fully expected her to understand my position, but she was very quick to defend the bride. That's what everyone does now, of course she wouldn't want those colors in the photos, etc. 

Instead of wearing an outfit I already had, I shelled out for an entire new outfit. It was seasonal clearance time and what we couldn't wear was plentiful on the clearance racks, but there wasn't a lot of new stock in yet. I was able to make a pair of shoes I already had work. 

I think it's unfortunate that so many brides have such a sense of personal entitlement to their "perfect day" that they completely forget that actual human beings (whom they supposedly care about) will be attending their "dream event," and that those people don't have the same level of interest in the colors of everyone's outfit being perfectly coordinated, nor do many wedding guests have the budget to buy brand new clothes for every member of their family just so they can fit the bride and groom's lofty concept of their perfect little theme.

Also, many guests simply don't have the time to go out to shop for those super-specific outfits in super-specific colors. In the case we're talking about in this thread, how many black or dark gray dresses are even on the racks right now? And what are the odds that one of those few options are actually going to fit and be flattering? And seriously, how many of those dresses aren't going to look ridiculously out of place at a summer wedding that's being held in a rustic outdoor setting?

I understand that it's very important to many couples to have a beautiful wedding, and I don't begrudge them that at all, but I do think that they need to be realistic about the amount of time, effort, and money that will be required to fulfill some of the couple's expectations regarding things like outfit colors. Some couples seem to think that all of their guests are supposed to care as much about every aesthetic detail of their wedding as they do. Spoiler alert: Most guests don't care all that much, and many of them are only attending out of a sense of family obligation. 

The bride and groom get to dictate what the wedding party wears, and they may also be working with their parents to coordinate their attire as well, but expecting the same control over what the wedding guests wear (while also expecting those same guests to purchase gifts off their registries at specific stores or to give cash gifts,) seems more than a little presumptuous. 

And also, does anyone really think it's right to tell someone's 90yo great-grandma that she has to go out and shop for a specifically-colored dress so she can attend a family wedding? What if she's not physically in shape to do that? What if she can't afford to do it? Should Great-grandma just stay home so she doesn't ruin the perfectly-curated aesthetic of the wedding photos?

Edited May 30 by Catwoman
typo!

[SKL]

I would probably wear whatever I have that is (a) wedding appropriate and (b) not the exact opposite of their color scheme.  I have a dark blue dress that I wore to my sister's wedding.  If it still fits, that would probably be what I'd wear.  If they ask me to step outside the photo frame, fine and dandy.  😛

[Faith-manor]

Uncle Tommy needs to meet my cousin in law. Cousin D somehow came into possession of a very out of date white, tux with tails. He thinks it is the bomb. So he wears it to all the occasions.

My parents' 40th wedding anniversary party that was held in a church fellowship hall and was dress up but not remotely formal? Yes. Hi wedding at the court house with my cousin in which she showed up in jeans and a flannel shirt? Yes. His first grandchild's  baptism? Yes. My father's funeral? You betcha.

It is quite entertaining. I think every family needs an Uncle Tom/Cousin D. Life is too short.

[catz]

Uncle Tommy and Cousin D SO remind me of our larger family events!  Like this kind of ecclectic craziness is what family fun and lore is made of.  🤣

[SKL]

11 minutes ago, catz said:

Uncle Tommy and Cousin D SO remind me of our larger family events!  Like this kind of ecclectic craziness is what family fun and lore is made of.  🤣

I'd take weird clothes over some of the antics in our family lore.

(I was thinking I don't know of anyone in our family whose weird clothes are legendary.  Then I thought, maybe that's cause it's me whose clothes are discussed ....)

[Pippen]

1 hour ago, Catwoman said:

I think it's unfortunate that so many brides have such a sense of personal entitlement to their "perfect day" that they completely forget that actual human beings (whom they supposedly care about) will be attending their "dream event," and that those people don't have the same level of interest in the colors of everyone's outfit being perfectly coordinated, nor do many wedding guests have the budget to buy brand new clothes for every member of their family just so they can fit the bride and groom's lofty concept of their perfect little theme.

Also, many guests simply don't have the time to go out to shop for those super-specific outfits in super-specific colors. In the case we're talking about in this thread, how many black or dark gray dresses are even on the racks right now? And what are the odds that one of those few options are actually going to fit and be flattering? And seriously, how many of those dresses aren't going to look ridiculously out of place at a summer wedding that's being held in a rustic outdoor setting?

I understand that it's very important to many couples to have a beautiful wedding, and I don't begrudge them that at all, but I do think that they need to be realistic about the amount of time, effort, and money that will be required to fulfill some of the couple's expectations regarding things like outfit colors. Some couples seem to think that all of their guests are supposed to care as much about every aesthetic detail of their wedding as they do. Spoiler alert: Most guests don't care all that much, and many of them are only attending out of a sense of family obligation. 

The bride and groom get to dictate what the wedding party wears, and they may also be working with their parents to coordinate their attire as well, but expecting the same control over what the wedding guests wear (while also expecting those same guests to purchase gifts off their registries at specific stores or to give cash gifts,) seems more than a little presumptuous. 

And also, does anyone really think it's right to tell someone's 90yo great-grandma that she has to go out and shop for a specifically-colored dress so she can attend a family wedding? What if she's not physically in shape to do that? What if she can't afford to do it? Should Great-grandma just stay home so she doesn't ruin the perfectly-curated aesthetic of the wedding photos?

Exactly. I thought it was incredibly thoughtless. In my case I had the funds, but was really pressed for time and we have very few stores that carry women's cocktail attire in my town. And of course, the next weddings I need cocktail attire for are opposite season. 

[QueenCat]

It's one thing to dictate "cocktail", "black tie", formal, etc.; it is quite another to dictate anything within the various categories.

[Faith-manor]

40 minutes ago, catz said:

Uncle Tommy and Cousin D SO remind me of our larger family events!  Like this kind of ecclectic craziness is what family fun and lore is made of.  🤣

Right! And I feel like kids are missing out on so much because of how spread out most families are these days and the cost of travel. My cousin's only and only nephew (cousin S, her brother) only had one child, and when he graduated though Cousin V, his auntie came, due to the cost of flights D didn't thus depriving the young man of the memory of Uncle D wandering around an exceptionally informal, taco bars graduation open house in a 1960's tux! Epic. This kid does not know what he missed! And due to college finals week, he didn't get to attend his great uncle's funeral (my dad). There is just nothing like a man in white tux with tails at a rural funeral sporting a red rose in his lapel, and silk hankie in the pocket. This should be a thing for all the people! 😁

But I know my grandsons are going to miss out on so many of the fun aspects of crazy family. They live in Bama, and we live here. No one gets together anymore because all my cousins and the remaining aunts and uncles are spread hither and yon., long hither, long yon. Emails. 

One of my favorite family memories was from when I was about 12 or 13. My mom's side had their every other year family reunion. My maternal great grandmother had managed to birth and raise to adulthood, 17 kids! Most of them went on to have 2 or 3 kids a who went on to have 2 or so kids a piece. Thus present that day were 64 great grandchildren, and a great grandmother with dementia! This was kind of legendary. They made us all form a parade line that wound around the pavilion so we could be walked past her and introduced. After about 25 kids, she looked at my aunt who was standing next to her and said, 'Where the hell did you get all these damn kids? Did you kidnap a school?" 😂😂😂😂😂

 

[Rosie_0801]

Scent wasn't specified, was it? So everyone will be wearing citronella? !!

[Faith-manor]

3 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Scent wasn't specified, was it? So everyone will be wearing citronella? !!

Deet. The discerning guest in 2024 is wearing deet, and the party favor is bear spray tied with a ribbon.

[Tenaj]

1 hour ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Scent wasn't specified, was it? So everyone will be wearing citronella? !!

🤣🤣

[iamonlyone]

We went to a family wedding with a request for guests to wear a certain color palette. None of the five of us had anything that worked, so we all bought new clothes (a dress I won't wear again) and also had the expected costs of plane tickets, lodging costs, etc. Many guests were not dressed in the color scheme (like, think a request for neutrals and some guests who were wearing loud tropical shirts), and we were in zero of the photos. Sigh.

[Frances]

15 hours ago, Tenaj said:

It just seems silly to spend so much on clothing, travel two hours and stay for one hour and then leave.  There is a private dinner for immediate family directly after but we didn't receive an invite to that so we will turn around and drive back home.

Having a private dinner afterwards for only some of the guests is just rude. Either invite everyone or have it on a different day and don’t tell those not invited about it.

[Clarita]

15 hours ago, Catwoman said:

15 hours ago, Indigo Blue said:

Same. Mine are extremely happy being single. They have said if they ever marry, it will be very simple. 
 

 

Until they meet someone who has always wanted a huge, "dream" wedding and they don't want to disappoint the love of their lives... 😉 

I always wanted a small, simple wedding, less than 100 people (in fact most of my life I wondered how I would even find more than 30 people to attend). Falling in love with an extrovert who LOVES weddings changed that plan. My mom had to come to terms with the fact that we couldn't have a banquet where we (she and I) always imagined I'd have my wedding banquet because they couldn't seat the number of guests at my wedding. 

[KatieJ]

Nope, nope, nope on all accounts. Guests are not in photos, therefore color should not matter. I really had never heard of this, and honestly I am shocked. 
2 hour drive to stand for an hour by a pond in cocktail attire! .  ( Will there even be chairs) 

I would be sending a card with a gift card tucked inside. 

[Faith-manor]

Okay, so the new information that there is a dinner afterward and the guests who went out of their way to make little miss pride happy by shopping for appropriate clothes, and fielding a tick laden forest while being ordered to get the heck out of dodge quickly and are NOT invited makes me EXTRA salty.

No card, no gift, no cash, no appearance, and maybe when I am in a good mood I might return the RSVP card with "regrets" while thinking, "Helllllllllllllllll NO!"

At some point, just go where you want to go, elope, and then send a "Hey we got married" card to all the people you didn't want to see to begin with. That would be a better gift grab than the above scenario.

I really just need to plan some sort of event that will entice Cousin D to make an entrance! 😁 This will return me to good spirits. 

[pinball]

14 minutes ago, KatieJ said:

Guests are not in photos

Well then who is in the photos? 

Everyone there except the bride & groom are the guests.

[pinball]

It has long been a tradition in some communities to invite a multitude of people to the wedding ceremony, serve them a bite to eat (usually cake and punch), and then have a more intimate meal with family and close friends. This bite to eat seems to be some type appetizer/snacky thing.

This bride seems to have triggered the vast majority of posters into apoplectic tirades bc she added colors to the dress code. 

Nothing else seems like it hasn’t been done before. And even the OP of this thread has said she got another invitation where she was asked to wear florals or pastels…I can’t remember the exact phrase.

Edited May 31 by pinball

[ScoutTN]

20 minutes ago, pinball said:

Well then who is in the photos? 

Everyone there except the bride & groom are the guests.

Usually only the wedding party and immediate family in the posed/set photos. Guests in candids from the reception, if those are done, but not everyone chooses to have those. 

[pinball]

8 minutes ago, ScoutTN said:

Usually only the wedding party and immediate family in the posed/set photos. Guests in candids from the reception, if those are done, but not everyone chooses to have those. 

Oh, I am so sorry.  my facetiousness didn’t seem to translate well.

I’ve never been to a wedding where pictures weren’t taken of the guests.

Guests are in wedding pictures. Formal pics, candid pics…most photographers take shots of the guests.

[KatieJ]

3 hours ago, pinball said:

Well then who is in the photos? 

Everyone there except the bride & groom are the guests.

The wedding party. Immediate family. Grandparents. 

[Clarita]

On the flipside I did go to a friend's wedding where we had to hike half a mile in the mud to the ceremony. I was 8 months pregnant so couldn't make the hike to the ceremony and waited at the reception area. Everyone who did make the hike did say it was worth it. She didn't specify colors and clothes (except for being prepared to do the walk) and everyone still dressed nice. 

We love weddings though. A lot of the weddings I attend all the guests get pictured too; some will even have formals with each and every guest (I think that's a cultural thing, I also had that for my wedding). 

[ScoutTN]

Dd went to a wedding and reception held in a cave last year! 

[frogger]

Well, if we are talking crazy weddings I will say my sister was married in the Russian River. Fellow Alaskans will know this river. She married an avid fisherman and liked fishing herself. She wore a white bodice that looked like the bodice of a wedding dress on top and jeans with hip waders. She gave a nice reception in town though that was easy for the majority of people to get to and that is where she played hostess and visited with people and there was no dress code. Just visiting with everyone. 

Edited May 31 by frogger

[KungFuPanda]

On 5/30/2024 at 6:36 AM, Tenaj said:

That's what I think.  The bride is the sweetest person you would ever want to meet.  I don't know her finance well but they seem to be very good for each other.  

It makes me sad that I may have to skip the wedding.  She is my niece and family gatherings are fewer as the family ages and spreads out.  I have a few months to decide.

It just seems silly to spend so much on clothing, travel two hours and stay for one hour and then leave.  There is a private dinner for immediate family directly after but we didn't receive an invite to that so we will turn around and drive back home.

Wait, so it’s wear black, stand in a field (no chairs?) AND they’re not feeding you after hours of driving???? What’s the rain plan?

[prairiewindmomma]

On 5/30/2024 at 3:24 PM, Faith-manor said:

Deet. The discerning guest in 2024 is wearing deet, and the party favor is bear spray tied with a ribbon.

Nice party favor! The good bear spray is pushing $60 these days!! The cheap stuff is $35. 🤣

[prairiewindmomma]

On 5/30/2024 at 6:32 AM, Catwoman said:

If you decide to go, is there any way you can arrange with some of your other family members to meet at a restaurant for dinner after the ceremony? At least that way, you'd get a chance to visit with people and maybe make it worth your while to go to the extra trouble for your niece.

I'm sorry you're stuck dealing with this. It's so awkward!

This. If I decided to go, it would be to see other family members. We'd be having an after party somewhere nearby so we could catch up.  

[Catwoman]

21 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

Wait, so it’s wear black, stand in a field (no chairs?) AND they’re not feeding you after hours of driving???? What’s the rain plan?

Stop at Harbor Freight on the way and pick up a color-coordinated tarp?

[Faith-manor]

49 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Nice party favor! The good bear spray is pushing $60 these days!! The cheap stuff is $35. 🤣

The trend in high end favors these days! 😁

Mark wants to get invited to a trout stream wedding with free lures. I told him, "Dream On". Waders required is probably a bridge too far. 

[goldberry]

The dress color dictating is definitely not my thing, but I would have no problem accommodating if I was able.  Who does it hurt?  BUT, the impracticalities of it all... I'm not sure I would have a suitable dress that I would be willing to get muddy and possibly ruined.  

[Bambam]

BTW, if you go to this wedding, we would love to hear an after-wedding report! 

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, goldberry said:

The dress color dictating is definitely not my thing, but I would have no problem accommodating if I was able.  Who does it hurt?  BUT, the impracticalities of it all... I'm not sure I would have a suitable dress that I would be willing to get muddy and possibly ruined.  

That's a good point! I didn't even think about how hard it might be to clean the clothing afterward. (And the shoes could be ruined, too!)