When young adults come home from college with unsolicited "advice"

[sassenach]

Parenting 19 year olds is so much fun. I love the free parenting advice from a person who literally depends on me for every part of their existence.

[Grace Hopper]

1 minute ago, sassenach said:

Parenting 19 year olds is so much fun. I love the free parenting advice from a person who literally depends on me for every part of their existence.

Yeah this is especially fun with a psychology and/or sociology student. 

[HomeAgain]

I'm thankful for the then-engineering minded student who came home at 19, scoffed at my lack of tech and 10yo computer, and then built me a new one for Mother's day the next year after complaining about it for a while.

Moral of the story: there is none, but I got a custom-built computer out of it! 😂

 

ETA: this is the same kid who was horrified at how his brother was acting and asked if he was the same at the same age.  When I answered in the affirmative, he swore off ever having kids and apologized for being such a git.

Edited June 4, 2022 by HomeAgain

[MEmama]

My 19 yo came home with cocktail/mixed drink suggestions so…. 🤣

[Terabith]

2 minutes ago, MEmama said:

My 19 yo came home with cocktail/mixed drink suggestions so…. 🤣

Ooooh!  What does he suggest?  I keep looking for a drink that I actually like.  

[Ethel Mertz]

Our 19 year old came home, dumped all his stuff in the living room (because there is no room in his bedroom due to the mile high pile of clothing on the floor), and lectured his elderly parents (one of us is 64 and the other is 75) about how we need to clean up the house.

 

[MEmama]

4 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Ooooh!  What does he suggest?  I keep looking for a drink that I actually like.  

He’s a big whiskey fan. He usually drinks it straight, but also says somehow Jameson's cold brew (whiskey and cold brew coffee) and fruit juice is amazing— he admits no one knows why it work, but it does??!? 🤣 (for the record I do NOT believe him lol). He also likes Baileys and almost anything, ofc, especially hot chocolate. They have a magical elixir called Baileys Chocolate Luxe available during the holiday season, which we can’t get here in the states boooo. He reports it’s heavenly. 🙂 
 

 

[Terabith]

2 minutes ago, MEmama said:

He’s a big whiskey fan. He usually drinks it straight, but also says somehow Jameson's cold brew (whiskey and cold brew coffee) and fruit juice is amazing— he admits no one knows why it work, but it does??!? 🤣 (for the record I do NOT believe him lol). He also likes Baileys and almost anything, ofc, especially hot chocolate. They have a magical elixir called Baileys Chocolate Luxe available during the holiday season, which we can’t get here in the states boooo. He reports it’s heavenly. 🙂 
 

 

Ah.  I do not care for whiskey.  Bailey's in hot chocolate does sound good, though!  

[maize]

My older brother was the worst--he came home from the Air Force Academy and starting trying to whip his younger siblings into shape military style--he was convinced he knew all there was to know about establishing discipline!

Edited June 4, 2022 by maize

[MEmama]

30 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Ah.  I do not care for whiskey.  Bailey's in hot chocolate does sound good, though!  

I don’t care for whiskey either. We did just discover that vanilla vodka and orange sparkling water is amazing— I used blood orange Dry Botanical Bubbly but I’m sure any brand would be yummy. 🙂 

[athena1277]

My 19yo came home complaining about not being treated like an adult at home.  I told her that adults help around the house without being told every time.  I don’t expect a lot, just things like loading the dishwasher and taking the trash out.

[SKL]

LOL you are bringing back cringey memories of things I said around that age.  😛

[KungFuPanda]

They are soooo learned and wise at that age. 

[gardenmom5]

That is when you smile sweetly and say yes dear.  While rolling your eyes.  And snickering out of earshot. 

 

2dd would often offer up advice with dudeling.  I had more patience than 1dd.  (1dd had quipped he was so slow in coming because he needed to be surrounded by adults. )

2dd now has a challenging child...

[BusyMom5]

My oldest is home, and this is new territory for me.  I'm trying so hard to hold my tongue, but its making me so frustrated!  Last week she threw a fit bc my house is so chaotic she cannot do anything (younger siblings just living in the house) and she listed all the stuff she wanted to do.  My 17 year old was like- "I literally do everything on your list,  the problem is YOU won't actually do anything but sit in your bed on technology."   Then she said my house was full of negativity (this one really hurt, and she's said it a few times- it's not true).  17 year old then returns " You brought the negativity!  If you just gets up and do something,  you would feel better.  Others getting mad at you bc the moment you are asked to help you have to take a shower or a phone call- YOUR LAZY."   I was happy I didn't have to point out the obvious. 

Every night I go from kid to kid asking what all they need to do the next day so I can arrange it. Have for years- nothing new.  I have asked!  So, after her fit and the 17 year old sniping back, I went and asked  "Okay, what are your plans for tomorrow?"  She replies she needs 3 hours to work on coding, and has a group call at 5pm.  👌   Okay!  I ask the others snd give the plan for the day:

17 year old- math online 7-8+, then goes to job by 9. 

14 year olds- job by 9 (mowing)

19 year old- coding, your area will be quiet from 9-12am. I will keep littles in another part of the house so you can work for those 3 hours.   I will also keep everyone out of that area of the house from 5-6 while you have a group phone call.  

Next day.... everyone ELSE up, eats breakfast and does their thing.  At 10am I went in to the still sleeping 19 year old and said that this was her quiet time, if she needed to get work done.  I think she *might* have sat down with the computer by 11.  I felt bad, so kept the other kids out of her way after lunch,  too.  Went in to check on her at 4, since she's been in her room "working" all day.  I asked her to cut up strawberries- she said sure, as soon as her movie was over.  Movie???? 🤯   Oh, yes.  Shes been watching GONE WITH THE WIND, a 4 hour movie!!!!!!  🤦‍♀️🥴  I had no words- literally turned and left the room 🤯🤥🤷‍♀️  17 year old is back from work and heard the exchange- she busts up laughing!!!!  In case you can't tell, our kids aren't supposed to just lay around doing nothing.  They are expected to help out around the house, and to work for spending money.  

Of major annoyance,  she has made no plans to get a job for the summer, but is making travel plans with college friends.  I can only assume she found a Money Tree somewhere.  The money will not be coming from my bank account! 🤑 The 17 year old is in disbelief about her lazy, entitled attitude.  

I know shes used to doing only what she wants,  when she wants, but we have 8 people living here, so things like showers and laundry need a schedule or there isn't enough water.  Food needs eaten at set times, and if you miss you can get something yourself.  Asking someone to do a few household chores or pick up their mess isn't mean, its prudent.  Its hard to schedule all the goings of 4 teens, 2 younger kids, food, laundry,  etc.  

Sorry for taking over your rant!  Its been weighing on me.  Advice welcome.   Right now I'm at the "natural consequences" phase, but its HARD.

Edited June 5, 2022 by BusyMom5

[gardenmom5]

1 hour ago, maize said:

My older brother was the worst--he came home from the Air Force Academy and starting trying to whip his younger siblings into shape military style--he was convinced he knew all there was to know about establishing discipline!

My brother was similar when he came home from boot camp.  I was married and pregnant - didn't  live at home,  and he called early one morning and he started lecturing me for being in bed and what I should be doing. 

 

I got my own back the next day.  I went to my mom's  - later than he'd called me.... he was still in bed.

[KungFuPanda]

DH was a bit blindsided and offended by the judgement and low-level distain exhibited by Dd when she came home from college after her freshman year. I’d been briefed on this possibility so I was ready.  I told Dh that this is a phase, like the terrible twos or early puberty, and we’d just have to ride it out. Dd heard me and did not appreciate this information. Apparently HER friends didn’t tell her about this phase. 

[gardenmom5]

34 minutes ago, BusyMom5 said:

My oldest is home, and this is new territory for me.  I'm trying so hard to hold my tongue, but its making me so frustrated!  Last week she threw a fit bc my house is so chaotic she cannot do anything (younger siblings just living in the house) and she listed all the stuff she wanted to do.  My 17 year old was like- "I literally do everything on your list,  the problem is YOU won't actually do anything but sit in your bed on technology."   Then she said my house was full of negativity (this one really hurt, and she's said it a few times- it's not true).  17 year old then returns " You brought the negativity!  If you just gets up and do something,  you would feel better.  Others getting mad at you bc the moment you are asked to help you have to take a shower or a phone call- YOUR LAZY."   I was happy I didn't have to point out the obvious. 

 

Bless her heart.

She's right - you're doing it wrong.  She needs to show you how it is done so you can do better.  She can do all the things that need to be done for the house and everything for the other kids every day (make sure you leave her a complete list). - and to be sure she has time to enact her "methods" and the rest of the family get used to them, she should do it for at least a week.   She should fill out a report every day so you know what techniques she used.

So you won't be in her hair to distract her, or the other kids, you will go off to a hotel.  Enjoy your vacation.   

She might even go look for a job when you come back just to escape.

[Slache]

I am so glad my kids are never going to do this.

😄

[whitestavern]

3 hours ago, MEmama said:

I don’t care for whiskey either. We did just discover that vanilla vodka and orange sparkling water is amazing— I used blood orange Dry Botanical Bubbly but I’m sure any brand would be yummy. 🙂 

Vanilla vodka and ginger ale are quite yummy together as well. 

[BusyMom5]

3 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

Bless her heart.

She's right - you're doing it wrong.  She needs to show you how it is done so you can do better.  She can do all the things that need to be done for the house and everything for the other kids every day (make sure you leave her a complete list). - and to be sure she has time to enact her "methods" and the rest of the family get used to them, she should do it for at least a week.   She should fill out a report every day so you know what techniques she used.

So you won't be in her hair to distract her, or the other kids, you will go off to a hotel.  Enjoy your vacation.   

She might even go look for a job when you come back just to escape.

😆 Sounds like a great plan! 

I cannot count the number if times she's said there is no food in my house either.  There is food.  It isn't a school cafeteria with lots of prepared food for your every desire.  Its called food in the pantry that must be cooked, heated, or prepared in some way.  It actually makes me feel better to know this is a thing- I think everyone else in the family is flabbergasted at her behavior.   

I don't think she has a clue all that I do.  

[Heartstrings]

They don’t even have to move out to go through this either.  Mine has never left but is the same way. 

[Melissa in Australia]

Each son has at 19 rung me up to pass on their newly discovered laundry tip. Don’t put bleach in with darks.

 

 

[gardenmom5]

2 hours ago, BusyMom5 said:

😆 Sounds like a great plan! 

I cannot count the number if times she's said there is no food in my house either.  There is food.  It isn't a school cafeteria with lots of prepared food for your every desire.  Its called food in the pantry that must be cooked, heated, or prepared in some way.  It actually makes me feel better to know this is a thing- I think everyone else in the family is flabbergasted at her behavior.   

I don't think she has a clue all that I do.  

that's when you hand them a cook book,

8 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

Each son has at 19 rung me up to pass on their newly discovered laundry tip. Don’t put bleach in with darks.

 

 

My brother's was: don't put wool suit pants in the washing machine.

[easypeasy]

10 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

Each son has at 19 rung me up to pass on their newly discovered laundry tip. Don’t put bleach in with darks.

 

This is precious! 😄

This thread is reminding me of when DD1 went off to school. OMG, she was SO obnoxious for a while. Like someone said above, it especially caught DH off guard with her know-it-all-ness. We made it through and now, 2 years post-grad, she's wised up in the real way of life. 🙂

DD2 hasn't really gone through this stage at all.

It's probably good that DS is away working for the summer. Hopefully he'll be over this phase before he's back home for any period of time (probably Christmas break). 😁 He already knew everything before he left! I can only imagine how he'd have me rearranging my life if he were here everyday!

Pretty sure that BK won't go through this because of his recent life experiences, so hopefully I'm outta the woods with these four college kids! lol

[Eos]

Totally blindsided when it happened here.  We were maybe a bit smug that OUR (homeschooled) teen had never been in trouble, never been obnoxious, always worked so hard...his first summer back after being away at college was horrible.  I think part of it was for the first time he met people who didn't work seasonally and had money - it's not a rich school but comfortably middle-class.  Why had I stayed home to homeschool when I could've made money working?  Everyone else's moms worked. Why hadn't I signed him up for APs during high school so he could be like everyone else?  Why did I name him his unusual name?  Other people don't have names like his, etc. It was rough.

But.  The following year he came back and thanked me for homeschooling, said it let him cope and excel with the workload, said he was grateful for the many interesting experiences he'd had.  It didn't change the awful things he had said the year before but it reduced the sting a bit, I guess.

To be fair, I found myself doing a thing I've never liked but have struggled to stop doing ever since when any kid comes home from being away - I call it "re-establishing the pecking order."  I find myself saying subtle and not-so-subtle things that remind said kid how to be back in the house and that I'm the mother hen, and then hearing myself and being horrified.  After that first year I've consciously tried to reduce this to imperceptible muttering rather than out loud and it's mostly worked.  

[Carrie12345]

My 20yo is beginning to point out the things she finds herself doing just like I do. But I also have one turning 19 in a few weeks, so my ego remains in check.

[Guest]

My post-college son avoided this issue by not moving back home. 😭 I mean, it’s okay; I’m glad he has the courage to go full adulting. But, if I am honest, I wanted him to land back in our house temporarily. 
 

The most amazing thing I have found about him is that he is SO much neater than he used to be. Believe me, it is an amazing difference from his teen years, when cleaning out his room could have used a shovel rather than a vacuum. 😏

[Guest]

@Eos All of my kids have hit me with the “Why did you homeschool me” question, and my daughter added the icing, “Why did you send me to that (private, $$) school for high school?” 🤨 

 

I guess the reality is, it’s easy to think the road not taken would have been better when you don’t actually know what you’re talking about. I mean, I actually do that, too, and regret having homeschooled for so long and think I should have worked…

[Farrar]

You're all giving me so much to look forward to next year! 😂

[DawnM]

12 hours ago, SKL said:

LOL you are bringing back cringey memories of things I said around that age.  😛

Oh yes, me too!   I was a know it all.

[Ellie]

15 hours ago, sassenach said:

Parenting 19 year olds is so much fun. I love the free parenting advice from a person who literally depends on me for every part of their existence.

Parenting advice from 40yos is so much fun, too. We have just one grandchild, whom we see once a year, if that, because we live in Texas and they live in the Pacific Northwest. When dgs was 5, we all went to Disneyland (a family thing: they go to DL for the first time on their 5th birthdays). At that time, dgs had never been alone with us. Dd and dsil wanted to do the Haunted Mansion, but dgs was not up for it, so dd told us to take him on Winnie the Poo while she did the Mansion. I asked if he'd be ok with us, alone and at DL for the first time, and she said, "Mom, it's called 'parenting.'" Um...ok. As it turned out, he was fine, and he liked the ride, but my tongue was shredded from biting it, lol.

[Lady Marmalade]

9 hours ago, Heartstrings said:

They don’t even have to move out to go through this either.  Mine has never left but is the same way. 

Yup.

DS moved into his first apartment a month ago, but he had begun getting on my nerves with comments about the state of the home and complaining about the lack of food on hand.  

After he moved out I deep cleaned his bedroom and bathroom and the next time I saw him I asked if he had bathroom cleaning supplies because his bathroom was disgusting.  He said he had a toilet brush.  I did offer to buy him some supplies, but he hasn't taken me up on that yet. 

[Soror]

Sympathy for those enduring smarmy YAs.

Reading ahead for the fun times....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[sassenach]

3 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

My 20yo is beginning to point out the things she finds herself doing just like I do. But I also have one turning 19 in a few weeks, so my ego remains in check.

This is where we’re at with my 25yo, who was also an absolutely obnoxious 19yo, so I do have hope!

[sassenach]

2 hours ago, Farrar said:

You're all giving me so much to look forward to next year! 😂

At least you won’t be surprised! 

[sassenach]

Thank you to everyone in this thread. You took my moment of frustration and turned it into joyful community!!

May we let them live another day…

Edited June 5, 2022 by sassenach

[Jean in Newcastle]

3 hours ago, Quill said:

@Eos All of my kids have hit me with the “Why did you homeschool me” question, and my daughter added the icing, “Why did you send me to that (private, $$) school for high school?” 🤨 

 

I guess the reality is, it’s easy to think the road not taken would have been better when you don’t actually know what you’re talking about. I mean, I actually do that, too, and regret having homeschooled for so long and think I should have worked…

I welcome actual questions about why we did things a certain way.  Because (as we all explain ad nauseum on these boards!) we have a million reasons why we do things a certain way - especially homeschooling.  But part of the answer is "I could have made other decisions too and it would have still worked out, though probably with slightly different problems."  And sometimes the answer to some things is "I had to choose something and that's the thing we chose."  I mean, a lot of life is arbitrary to some degree.  Otherwise we would tie ourselves up in knots over every single decision. 

[MagistraKennedy]

15 hours ago, BusyMom5 said:

 

I know shes used to doing only what she wants,  when she wants, but we have 8 people living here, so things like showers and laundry need a schedule or there isn't enough water.  Food needs eaten at set times, and if you miss you can get something yourself.  Asking someone to do a few household chores or pick up their mess isn't mean, its prudent.  Its hard to schedule all the goings of 4 teens, 2 younger kids, food, laundry,  etc.  

 

I'm cheering you on --- this is exactly how I expect my house to run as well. We're all on the same team. I'd be furious if someone wasn't pulling their weight. 

[freesia]

I have a 19 yo returning freshman this year, too. The first month home was bumpy with her jockeying for alpha female mainly with youngest dd. She also has helpful new rules we should all follow lol. I have been known to tease her that I don’t know how we survived without her the past year 😂. 
 

I also have a 21 year old who finished in December and lived at home until he got a job in April. My third child just said the other day that oldest is a good brother. He’s gotten so friendly and funny. Yeah, he’s finally through that 19-21 stage where he expected the siblings to act like 18 year olds and clearly dh and I were doing it all wrong with the youngers. So, yes, they do get through it, but it is exhausting. 

Edited June 5, 2022 by freesia

[mlktwins]

Wow, I have 2 years before I have to hear all this, although one of mine (DS1) knows everything already 😉!  He is also the one that wishes he was normal like the rest of his "friends" and had gone to public school.  This was brought up this year (11th grade).  He was actually accepted to our public high school specialty program (IB) and went for a full shadow day at the school in 8th grade.  He came out to the van after that very long day and said it would be easier to choose public school (subject wise), but he preferred to home school.  And...here we are.  So...I have told him decisions were made (by me and DH early on, and him in 8th grade) and I would not feel any guilt nor any regrets at this point.  I told him he will have these decisions to make when he grows up and has his own family. He said he won't be homeschooling.  I told him that would be his (and his wife's) decision -- LOL.  This is also the kid who told me he would let his kids do anything, play video games as much as they want, get a phone when they are little, etc.  I said that is fine.  Won't be my problem 🤣.  I know he will never thank me for homeschooling him - even when he realizes he might have benefitted from it when he is in college.  I don't ever expect it though.  

The other twin is perfectly happy to have been homeschooled for 13 years so there is that.

My DH will not do well if they come home after freshman year away and start pulling this stuff on him 😱!  HE is having a hard time with DS1 already and he just finishing 11th grade!

Editing to add:  After seeing @freesia post above mine,  I want to add that DS1 is already trying to assert the alpha male position here already - against a very alpha male dad.  DS2 tries also, but not like DS1. It is hard times in my house these days 🤣.  Since we are paying for their college, they should be smart and keep things toned down until he gets through college and moves into his own place so he doesn't have to come out of college with debt!!!

Edited June 5, 2022 by mlktwins

[Pam in CT]

On my third and final 19 yo this summer and LOVING.THIS.THREAD.

 

The wondrous and mysterious thing is, the precise details of how each of them has achieved utter insufferabilty are so different... and yet, each one of them has, in fact, managed to achieve Perfect Insufferability.

 

 

... which is why this

4 hours ago, Quill said:

My post-college son avoided this issue by not moving back home. 😭 I mean, it’s okay; I’m glad he has the courage to go full adulting. But, if I am honest, I wanted him to land back in our house temporarily. 
 

The most amazing thing I have found about him is that he is SO much neater than he used to be. Believe me, it is an amazing difference from his teen years, when cleaning out his room could have used a shovel rather than a vacuum. 😏

... is so baffling as to be almost alarming!!!  #NotOurPattern

[freesia]

5 minutes ago, mlktwins said:

Wow, I have 2 years before I have to hear all this, although one of mine (DS1) knows everything already 😉!  He is also the one that wishes he was normal like the rest of his "friends" and had gone to public school.  This was brought up this year (11th grade).  He was actually accepted to our public high school specialty program (IB) and went for a full shadow day at the school in 8th grade.  He came out to the van after that very long day and said it would be easier to choose public school (subject wise), but he preferred to home school.  And...here we are.  So...I have told him decisions were made (by me and DH early on, and him in 8th grade) and I would not feel any guilt nor any regrets at this point.  I told him he will have these decisions to make when he grows up and has his own family. He said he won't be homeschooling.  I told him that would be his (and his wife's) decision -- LOL.  This is also the kid who told me he would let his kids do anything, play video games as much as they want, get a phone when they are little, etc.  I said that is fine.  Won't be my problem 🤣.  I know he will never thank me for homeschooling him - even when he realizes he might have benefitted from it when he is in college.  I don't ever expect it though.  

The other twin is perfectly happy to have been homeschooled for 13 years so there is that.

My DH will not do well if they come home after freshman year away and start pulling this stuff on him 😱!  HE is having a hard time with DS1 already and he just finishing 11th grade!

Editing to add:  After seeing @freesia post above mine,  I want to add that DS1 is already trying to assert the alpha male position here already - against a very alpha male dad.  DS2 tries also, but not like DS1. It is hard times in my house these days 🤣.  Since we are paying for their college, they should be smart and keep things toned down until he gets through college and moves into his own place so he doesn't have to come out of college with debt!!!

You might be surprised. Sometimes college puts a lot of things in perspective. Ds never complained about being homeschooled, but he has thanked us for it. He also said that he realized how healthy and good our family was after seeing/hearing about other families. Some of our kids don’t realize what they’ve had bc they don’t necessarily have the experience to know what’s outside their life. 

[freesia]

Just now, freesia said:

You might be surprised. Sometimes college puts a lot of things in perspective. Ds never complained about being homeschooled, but he has thanked us for it. He also said that he realized how healthy and good our family was after seeing/hearing about other families. Some of our kids don’t realize what they’ve had bc they don’t necessarily have the experience to know what’s outside their life. 

He also thanked us for our screen time rules!!!! But, nevertheless, we were still doing a lot wrong!

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I welcome actual questions about why we did things a certain way.  Because (as we all explain ad nauseum on these boards!) we have a million reasons why we do things a certain way - especially homeschooling.  But part of the answer is "I could have made other decisions too and it would have still worked out, though probably with slightly different problems."  And sometimes the answer to some things is "I had to choose something and that's the thing we chose."  I mean, a lot of life is arbitrary to some degree.  Otherwise we would tie ourselves up in knots over every single decision. 

I have given pretty much this answer a few times in response to the “why did you…” questions. 

[Grace Hopper]

17 minutes ago, Quill said:

I have given pretty much this answer a few times in response to the “why did you…” questions. 

Same, with a sweet admonishment that now that they’re 18/19/20, they are free to make their own choices. 
 

[mlktwins]

1 hour ago, Grace Hopper said:

Same, with a sweet admonishment that now that they’re 18/19/20, they are free to make their own choices. 
 

Oh boy!!!  Here this would mean when they are paying their way LOL!!  I should have a little chat with my guys before we pick them up at the end of freshman year 🤣🤣.

[fairfarmhand]

There’s an old show from the 60s called my three sons. The oldest son, Mike does this stuff constantly, and he is typically met with dry humor in the family. My kids have watched it enough that all I have to say is “thank you for that, Mike Douglas.” And it dries up pretty fast.

[sassenach]

1 hour ago, fairfarmhand said:

There’s an old show from the 60s called my three sons. The oldest son, Mike does this stuff constantly, and he is typically met with dry humor in the family. My kids have watched it enough that all I have to say is “thank you for that, Mike Douglas.” And it dries up pretty fast.

My 17yo regularly uses the line, “thank you for that unsolicited opinion” on ds19. 

[Pam in CT]

re "thank you for that input; I'll take it under advisement"

1 hour ago, fairfarmhand said:

There’s an old show from the 60s called my three sons. The oldest son, Mike does this stuff constantly, and he is typically met with dry humor in the family. My kids have watched it enough that all I have to say is “thank you for that, Mike Douglas.” And it dries up pretty fast.

 

13 minutes ago, sassenach said:

My 17yo regularly uses the line, “thank you for that unsolicited opinion” on ds19. 

Every member of our household uses some form of this.  It is *absolutely* so much part of the family lexicon that more often than not we don't even say out in long form, just the teensiest lift of the eyebrow with "Thank you."

 

Outside the primary circle it is not *always* received as the Connecticut Yankee version of "bless your heart" that it actually is. But that's fine.