I feel inadequate

[Scarlett]

I guess I am getting old.  I just always feel like I should get more accomplished when I am home for the day than I actually do.  

This morning Dh and I left the house about 8:30 to look at a truck for sale.  Before we left  I put our sheets in to wash.  Before we looked at the truck I dropped my vehicle off at the mechanics because my ac is not working and it was about 100 degrees here today.  Dh brings me back home by 9:30 and he goes to work.  I started washing clothes....the 7th load finishing up now.  Put sheets back on our bed.  Vacuumed cat hair off our comforter. Vacuumed living room area rug.  Clean out litter box.  Cleaned the kitchen.....a few things from last night,.,and this morning.  Cleaned put the refrigerator.  My break was an hour in the pool.  Came in and showered.  Then made dinner.  Now it is 7:30 and Dh is on his way home.  

I just feel like I should have accomplished more.  I have to go get my car in the morning and do a run  into the city to buy supplies for my boss......

ok whine over. 

[Ottakee]

I totally get it.  It seems like I am busy all day but never seem caught up.  I also am not doing things that people can SEE that they are done.  Laundry, dishes, phone calls, doctors appointments, etc.  

[happi duck]

I'm so confused.  That list is huge!

I'm proud of myself for nowhere near that much work today.

Unless that list is what you planned and did *not* do then this is leaning toward sarcastic, imo.

7 loads of laundry?!?  That's amazing in one day!

Edited August 13, 2019 by happi duck

[Rosie_0801]

Stuff takes time. 

[Joker]

I read a book today. And went on a long walk with dh. That is all. Seriously. We even ate out so I didn't cook.

 

 

ETA: Tomorrow we move ds into his off campus apartment so I'm sure I'll make up for my lazy day today, though.

Edited August 13, 2019 by Joker

[Joker]

7 minutes ago, happi duck said:

 

7 loads of laundry?!?  That's amazing in one day!

Yeah, I don't even do 7 loads a week anymore so I can't fathom that much in one day.

[Scarlett]

15 minutes ago, happi duck said:

I'm so confused.  That list is huge!

I'm proud of myself for nowhere near that much work today.

Unless that list is what you planned and did *not* do then this is leaning toward sarcastic, imo.

7 loads of laundry?!?  That's amazing in one day!

No! No sarcasm.  Monday is my big laundry day, but it  feels like I should have got more done.  I wondered if my perception is screwed up which is why I posted, so thank you for saying it is a lot.  

[mathnerd]

Your list of things accomplished is longer than mine. I only did 2 loads laundry today and found it too much. 

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, mathnerd said:

Your list of things accomplished is longer than mine. I only did 2 loads laundry today and found it too much. 

Well, yes, but did you care for small children?  My boys are both grown and I just felt so worthless.  I think I have issues.  

[maize]

Agreeing that that is a lot to accomplish in a day.

[Ali in OR]

Seems like a full day to me. But you forgot to nap.

[hippiemamato3]

I think it sounds like you accomplished a ton. Plus - it was your day off from work. It's kind of the point to have a break. Did you even take one?! If not, next time you need to set aside a little time for YOU so that you feel as though you actually got a day off!

ETA: I see you swam for an hour. Good!

Edited August 13, 2019 by hippiemamato3

[fairfarmhand]

Yes your expectations are skewed. Mine are too. I can work my butt off all day, have sore feet and tired legs and collapse on the couch at 8:30 and still have a messy house and laundry piled up. So irritating. And so many things just take longer than I think they should.

[QueenCat]

Don't be so hard on yourself.  I  think that you accomplished quite a bit.

[moonflower]

this depends on if you fold the laundry or put it away.  If no folding or putting away, laundry takes a lot less time.  Ask me how I know 🙂

[TABmom]

I saw this tip one time- make a list of all the things you think you should accomplish during the day. Then go through and list how much time each one should realistically take. Then add up the time. That can help you see if you have realistic expectations. I don't remember where I read this, but it said that women especially seem to overestimate what can actually be accomplished. 

[Garga]

1 hour ago, Ottakee said:

I totally get it.  It seems like I am busy all day but never seem caught up.  I also am not doing things that people can SEE that they are done.  Laundry, dishes, phone calls, doctors appointments, etc.  

This, 1000x's.  I do stuff that no one can see.  I spent over an hour today just following up on accommodation stuff for my son for school.  I have nothing physical to show for it, but I was working on it for a good portion of time.  I had thought it would take only about 15 minutes.  But nope--over an hour.  And dh comes home and sees dirty dishes from lunch in the sink and says, "So...what'd you do today?"  Accommodation stuff, phone calls, handwashing a new pair of pants to see if they run...stuff that takes up time but no one really sees.

20 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Yes your expectations are skewed. Mine are too. I can work my butt off all day, have sore feet and tired legs and collapse on the couch at 8:30 and still have a messy house and laundry piled up. So irritating. And so many things just take longer than I think they should.

Yes!

Just now, TABmom said:

I saw this tip one time- make a list of all the things you think you should accomplish during the day. Then go through and list how much time each one should realistically take. Then add up the time. That can help you see if you have realistic expectations. I don't remember where I read this, but it said that women especially seem to overestimate what can actually be accomplished. 

 

I do this from time to time--just last night in fact.  I estimated that all the things I wanted to do today would take 6 hours and I was mostly right, except for the accommodation stuff taking almost an hour longer than I'd thought.  If I don't put a time estimate next to my list, then my list becomes just ludicrous.  So I've learned to forget about a daily to-do list.  I have given up getting a lot done in a single day.  I do a weekly to-do list because it tends to take a 5 days to do what I think can be done in 2.  I simply can't get 5 days worth of stuff done in 2, even though it feels like I should be able to do.

[Scarlett]

32 minutes ago, moonflower said:

this depends on if you fold the laundry or put it away.  If no folding or putting away, laundry takes a lot less time.  Ask me how I know 🙂

All 7 loads washed, dried,  folded and put away

[Denise in IN]

I think you got a lot accomplished for one day!  Maybe your expectations for your own productivity are too high?  Or is the issue more connected to wondering what your purpose is now that your sons are both more independent?  That is a hard transition - be kind to yourself as you sort through and adjust! 

[moonflower]

Yeah, I can save you time with this.

what you do is put it in the washer (don't sort, just wash everything on hot/dry on hot - eventually your whites and your colors will be more or less the same shade of gray but that's part of the cost of doing business), then put it in the dryer, then take it out and dump it on the floor next to the dryer.  once the pile next to the dryer is pretty high, yell for the kids to come get their things and take to their rooms.  they'll generally get about half their things and half other people's, so when you can't find your blue shirt that's probably with the boys' clothes and when you can't find your pink skirt that's probably with the girls' clothes, unless you are on the large side (or like maxi skirts) and your kids mistook your skirt for a sheet or a pillowcase.

 

but it does save time on laundry day!

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

You're my laundry hero. I now look at things and think "Scarlett would've ironed that," LOL. (I still haven't found my iron though from two moves ago). 

I almost posted....but I didn’t get my new ironing board cover put on ( cat shredded the old one as it hung on laundry room door) and thus got no ironing doe..,

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, moonflower said:

Yeah, I can save you time with this.

what you do is put it in the washer (don't sort, just wash everything on hot/dry on hot - eventually your whites and your colors will be more or less the same shade of gray but that's part of the cost of doing business), then put it in the dryer, then take it out and dump it on the floor next to the dryer.  once the pile next to the dryer is pretty high, yell for the kids to come get their things and take to their rooms.  they'll generally get about half their things and half other people's, so when you can't find your blue shirt that's probably with the boys' clothes and when you can't find your pink skirt that's probably with the girls' clothes, unless you are on the large side (or like maxi skirts) and your kids mistook your skirt for a sheet or a pillowcase.

 

but it does save time on laundry day!

 

😱😱😱😱

[Scarlett]

9 minutes ago, Denise in IN said:

I think you got a lot accomplished for one day!  Maybe your expectations for your own productivity are too high?  Or is the issue more connected to wondering what your purpose is now that your sons are both more independent?  That is a hard transition - be kind to yourself as you sort through and adjust! 

Yes.    Both.  It is a terrible feeling.  

[Frances]

15 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

All 7 loads washed, dried,  folded and put away

I’m trying to figure out how you even have seven loads of laundry to do. I do two loads per week max, including sheets and towels, and my husband does his own.

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, Frances said:

I’m trying to figure out how you even have seven loads of laundry to do. I do two loads per week max, including sheets and towels, and my husband does his own.

We generate a lot of laundry.  Dss does his own.  Probably 2 loads per week. I do mine,  dhs,  ds19, and my boss., ..today I did a load of sheets, a load of shirts, a load of jeans, a load of whites,  a load of dish towels, and 2 loads of towels. Wednesday I will do 3 or 4 loads of my boss’s clothes.  Also I do a load of rugs each  week...

[Scarlett]

 

10 minutes ago, Frances said:

I’m trying to figure out how you even have seven loads of laundry to do. I do two loads per week max, including sheets and towels, and my husband does his own.

Do you just mix everything together?

[Frances]

13 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

 

Do you just mix everything together?

I do sheets, towels, and basic clothes in one load. All of my work and more delicate clothes in another load. Maybe once a month I will do a load of dog stuff and rags. So normally just two loads per week. My husband probably also does two of his own each week.

[Frances]

20 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

We generate a lot of laundry.  Dss does his own.  Probably 2 loads per week. I do mine,  dhs,  ds19, and my boss., ..today I did a load of sheets, a load of shirts, a load of jeans, a load of whites,  a load of dish towels, and 2 loads of towels. Wednesday I will do 3 or 4 loads of my boss’s clothes.  Also I do a load of rugs each  week...

That makes more sense with your bosses stuff added in. 

[J-rap]

You're already doing a lot, but you're probably doing even more than you realize.   A lot of my time these days seem to involve just sitting and listening to people, or thinking through things.  As a result, my "to-do" list of hands-on projects and chores gets very little crossed off lately.  I'm sometimes lucky if I cross off one thing a day on my list of 30 things!  It's easy to feel like I'm not accomplishing anything, but I know I'm not just sitting around eating chocolates.  

[MercyA]

That sounds like a perfectly reasonable amount of things to get done in a day. You are fine. Better than fine. You probably get more done in a week than I do in a month! 

You are not inadequate. You are awesome.

Hugs. ❤️

[happi duck]

Not to brag but...

It's almost 11pm here and I just did the following: made a piece of toast (this is "dinner"), threw away the moldy preserves I discovered in the fridge, and searched the pantry and found three normal sized jars of jam and one *Costco* size jar of jam.  Apparently, as I frequently shop without a list, I always think we need jam!

I wish I was joking but instead I will just need to find the humor in real life.

Oh, and I just realized I forgot to throw in some laundry for myself.

@Scarlett Can you see why I thought your op might be sarcasm?  You must be a super productive person if today felt bad.  Many (hugs)!  It's hard to feel not like yourself or off your game.

[kiwik]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

All 7 loads washed, dried,  folded and put away

Well that would take me all day.  I am not that focused though.

[Frances]

2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I don't wash clothes with the sheets or towels except for like socks and underwear. I wash sheets on a hotter setting than the majority of our clothing. I do a separate load for dish towels. I'm a weirdo maybe but I also do a separate small load just for hand towels that go in the bathroom. I can fathom 7 loads in a day, but not folding them all. Wow.

I think you accomplished a lot. 

Today I took the kids to a pool party and ran two short errands on the way home. That's it. I haven't done anything else really. We just ate whatever we had in the fridge/pantry. Didn't cook a real meal for dinner. 

Most days I feel like I don't accomplish much/enough. Just loading a dishwasher or folding clothes or fixing meals seems so time consuming. 

We probably only use one dish towel and two dish clothes a week since we have a dishwasher and wash virtually nothing by hand. So it would probably take me many months to accumulate a load of just dish towels and clothes. I very rarely do anything less than a full load. The stupid sensors make everything take much longer if the load isn’t full, and it seems like a waste of energy to not wait until I have a full load. Also, I own maybe three white items, and I don’t think my husband owns any, so whites are never a separate load. 

I actually really enjoy doing laundry and still think washing machines and dryers are miracle devices (right up there with dishwashers). We just don’t generate much laundry here, as we tend to wear/use most things multiple times before laundering. Underthings of course being the exception. 

Edited August 13, 2019 by Frances

[Tanaqui]

It's ~100F and you have no working a/c? Scarlett, honey, if I were you I'd be lying in a puddle on the floor all day. NOTHING would get done, and not just for the usual reasons I sometimes have trouble getting things done. Which, by the way, you did a perfectly reasonable amount of things even for healthy temperatures.

[mumto2]

The only way I will ever get 7 loads done is if I packed everything up and took it to a laundromat!  So 7 loads on a normal day is superwoman territory imo.

I also sort my loads very carefully to reduce the chance of ever having to iron!  

[Pawz4me]

55 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

It's ~100F and you have no working a/c? Scarlett, honey, if I were you I'd be lying in a puddle on the floor all day. NOTHING would get done, and not just for the usual reasons I sometimes have trouble getting things done. Which, by the way, you did a perfectly reasonable amount of things even for healthy temperatures.

I'm pretty sure it's her car's AC that isn't working. Not at her house. Thank goodness!

[Ausmumof3]

8 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Stuff takes time. 

Yeah this

i think when you’ve done a task a million times it feels insignificant even if it takes time.  And a task you’ve never done before can feel huge even if it actually doesn’t take that long.  

[Ausmumof3]

7 hours ago, moonflower said:

this depends on if you fold the laundry or put it away.  If no folding or putting away, laundry takes a lot less time.  Ask me how I know 🙂

Oh so true!  Some days I’m so efficient I don’t even hang it out to dry

i just wash it all and put it in the basket to hang once I get. A minute between school breaks 😆

[Ausmumof3]

7 hours ago, TABmom said:

I saw this tip one time- make a list of all the things you think you should accomplish during the day. Then go through and list how much time each one should realistically take. Then add up the time. That can help you see if you have realistic expectations. I don't remember where I read this, but it said that women especially seem to overestimate what can actually be accomplished. 

I find it’s more that men seem to overestimate how much women can accomplish

okay that’s a major generalisation but true for at least a few Ive known especially when there’s childminding in the picture 

[Guest]

Scarlett, I have not read all the replies, but I wanted to say I totally relate to your OP. I probably accomplish a fair amount to many people’s standards, but it is always so much less than I mentally projected and it is significantly less than I could do when I was <30, say. 

Yesterday I canned a bunch of tomatoes and pickles, which took up several hours and made my kitchen so messy. So, rationally, I know I was busy working hard but at the end of the day it doesn’t *look* like I did anything. I have more trouble sometimes accepting that - that my efforts don’t make a big difference - than anything else. 

[Annie G]

You accomplished a lot, but it probably doesn’t feel satisfying.  I went through that when the kids were newly grown. Now my daily tasks of scooping cat litter, washing dishes, sweeping floors, etc. just feels mundane. Nowhere near as satisfying as teaching kids or doing the things they needed from me when they were young.  

‘But yeah, you accomplished a lot!

[Acorn]

I’m not inadequate but my washing machine must be. It takes at least 1 hr 50 min to wash a load. I’ve never done more than 3 loads in a day.

[Garga]

29 minutes ago, Acorn said:

I’m not inadequate but my washing machine must be. It takes at least 1 hr 50 min to wash a load. I’ve never done more than 3 loads in a day.

Some machines take FOREVER. 

 

I have an old whirlpool workhorse that is over 16 years old.  Not sure how old, but we’ve had it the entire time we’ve been in this house and we’ve been here for 16 years.

It fills pretty high with water and gets a load done in half an hour or slightly under.  I hope this thing lasts another 16 years!

[marbel]

I think you did a lot, but if you are used to doing more, or having more tangible results, it will seem like you really didn't do anything much.  I empathize with you. Everyone has different levels of productivity. I would probably not be able to get out of bed if I compared my daily productivity with some people I know!

Don't be hard on yourself Scarlett. You are in a transition with your boys growing up. 

[Scarlett]

14 hours ago, Frances said:

That makes more sense with your bosses stuff added in. 

The 7 loads yesterday did not include my boss’s. 

[Scarlett]

9 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

It's ~100F and you have no working a/c? Scarlett, honey, if I were you I'd be lying in a puddle on the floor all day. NOTHING would get done, and not just for the usual reasons I sometimes have trouble getting things done. Which, by the way, you did a perfectly reasonable amount of things even for healthy temperatures.

I have AC in my house. My car AC was broken. Fixed now. 

[Scarlett]

I have a HE and most loads take an hour.  Some more.  So it does take focus and getting started early.  I love doing laundry. But during every load there is time to do other stuff. Some loads might only take 30 min to dry, so 30 min on a project, stop, fold or hang and put away.  Then back to the project. Then in 30 min or less the washer stops and on and on. 

It also difficult for me to take an hour out to relax in the pool... I feel so guilty, but really the work in the house is unending and I would never get time to relax if I tried to wait for the work to be all done. 

Thanks everyone for making me feel better. 

[Tanaqui]

I have never been so happy to be wrong, Scarlett. Nevertheless - I sure wouldn't be poking my nose outside the house.

Quote

It also difficult for me to take an hour out to relax in the pool... I feel so guilty, but really the work in the house is unending and I would never get time to relax if I tried to wait for the work to be all done. 

 

If you makes it feel better, spending an hour relaxing in the pool helps you be more productive during your work time.

Edited August 13, 2019 by Tanaqui

[Alicia64]

22 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Stuff takes time. 

 

THE TRUTH!!

[Susan in TX]

I feel the same way. I think it is because things like laundry and dishes are such an ever present reality that I don't view getting them done as an accomplishment anymore. It is sort of like breathing. Just something I do all the time.

Susan in TX