If you have gray hair...

[mom31257]

I'm 51, and I have large streaks at my temples and some sprinkled throughout. My dad's hair did the same thing at the temples. I feel my hair overall still looks brown from a distance or if it stays down over my ears. 

I have never colored my hair and don't plan to at this point. I've always liked my hair color, so that's why I haven't colored it before. It seemed like a big expense for no reason. I don't wear a lot of makeup or jewelry, either. It may just be that I'm not one of the women who enjoy doing it for fun. 

My mom had really beautiful gray/silver hair, so I'm hoping I'll take after her. She had more at this age than I do, though. My dh is very gray, so I figure going gray helps me match him! LOL!

In the end, I figure there are things I'd rather spend the money and time on than my hair. I want it to look neat and good for my age, but that doesn't have to mean color OR cut it short. I don't like myself with short hair, so I intend to keep some length to it always so that it at least touches my shoulders. 

 

 

[AK_Mom4]

At age 30, I was about 75% grey.  It’s a family thing - oldest DD is 24 and has thick grey streaks in her hair.  I started coloring my hair because it was prematurely aging me.  I decided to keep coloring my hair until DH started going grey and we could go grey together.  Of course, he is edging on 60and still has dark hair - but his moustache is starting to grey, so there is hope!

i use a light ash brown that is a little lighter than my original color.  It looks very natural imo.

[Lady Florida.]

1 hour ago, J-rap said:

A friend of mine the other day was just telling me that at her clinic, they call any pregnancy over 35 a "geriatric pregnancy"!  You'd think they could come up with a nicer-sounding name!  (Even 40 seems so young to me now.  ?)

When I was pregnant they they said I was of "advanced maternal age". That sounds at least a little nicer. ? 

[MysteryJen]

I started getting those weird grey hairs that frizzed and poked out of my head around 39 or so. I colored my hair twice and decided I didn't have the time or money. So I grew out my hair and lived with it. 

Now, the grey hairs are smooth and blend with my regular hair. From a distance, they look like blond highlights and aren't very noticeable in the summer. Right now, they don't age me very much. The people I know who look older than their age tend to have serious sun exposure and are really thin- either from exercise or dieting- no matter their hair color.

[sassenach]

My mom was fully gray in her mid-20’s. She dyed it until a couple of years ago, around 57. 

I’m 38 and about 25% gray. Nowhere near ready to stop coloring it. 

My mom had that perfect gray that’s all shiny and silver. My combo hair is DRAB. I hope it’s like hers when it’s fully gray. 

Edited August 11, 2018 by sassenach

[Lady Florida.]

7 minutes ago, Margaret in CO said:

As to being a redhead and going gray, my mil INSISTED that redheads don't gray and that HER hair color was natural. Right. 

Older moms? I was 43 with my last living child--lost several after that. Yeah, it's hard to be on SS with one still in undergrad. But it was fun to have all the cool high school stuff for longer, though I sure didn't miss the pep rally for the mandatory back-to-sports meeting this year! I decided to NOT be the costume mistress for the high school play this fall. It's not a genre I'm interested in sewing for. Now if it was Oklahoma!... 

I wonder if it's different if you had your first or your last when you were older. Ds is my first and only and I had him when I was older (a pleasant surprise after we had given up). I'm not saying it definitely is different, just wondering aloud. 

Edited August 11, 2018 by Lady Florida.

[Mabelen]

I had my first at 32 and my second and last one at 40. I fit right in age wise with my older daughter's friends' parents. I definitely am much older than most of my youngest's friends' parents.  

ETA My advanced maternal age actually helped me on my last pregnancy. When I went to my obstetrician, she immediately sent me to the specialist due to my age. There, they checked my history of miscarriages and secondary infertility and went all out to make sure this pregnancy went through. Testing found the most probable cause of my previous miscarriages, I got treatment and close tracking throughout my pregnancy, and had a beautiful and healthy baby girl the week after I turned 40.

Edited August 11, 2018 by Mabelen

[Another Lynn]

One of my grandmothers was a redhead.  When her hair turned grey, it looked blonde.  It was beautiful.  

[marbel]

2 hours ago, Margaret in CO said:

I had kids in my 20's, 30's, and 40's. Yeah, I was considered geriatric. Really geriatric. With one of the kids (I think the one when I was 40) I forgot to warn dh that he was going to get chewed out by the doc in the changing room at the hospital. Hey, my mom was almost 40 when she had me, so I guess it runs in our family. 

Why would he get chewed out by the doc?

When I took childbirth class with my first, I asked the instructor about trying to get pregnant a second time, or if I was nuts to try again after 40.  She didn't blink, said I was not nuts at all, and that I'd be surprised how often she got that question.  I don't remember what she or my ob/gyn said about getting pg again, but I had my 2nd when my first was 18 months old. And that was that, because menopause had apparently already started. 

I knew lots of women who had kids well into their 40s, though most started quite a bit earlier than I did. I know more than one family in which mom and daughter were pregnant at the same time.  

[katilac]

7 minutes ago, Margaret in CO said:

 Ds is doomed to have twins--he was a twin (we lost the one) and his gf is a twin. Hehehe...

1

 

It will all be on her - he might carry the gene for fraternal twins, but their chance only increases if the mom carries the gene. 

He might pass the gene on to his daughters, and make them more likely to have twins! 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have never colored my hair.  I have enough autoimmune problems for the last 30 years that I do not want to add any chemicals to the mix.  I do get mistaken for my kid's grandma at times but the Y kids have told mine that I was the "coolest grandma ever" so I guess that I will just embrace it.  (All I did to get that praise was to go down the slide at the pool.  ?  )  I have more pure white than grey but also quite a bit of my original mousy brown. 

[J-rap]

7 hours ago, Lady Florida. said:

I should clarify about being mistaken for ds' grandmother. It was for his discomfort I started coloring my hair. He already knew his parents were older than those of his friends and though he didn't say so I could tell uncomfortable when people thought I was his grandma.

I just wanted to say that I think that's very sweet of you!

[J-rap]

7 hours ago, Lady Florida. said:

I should clarify about being mistaken for ds' grandmother. It was for his discomfort I started coloring my hair. He already knew his parents were older than those of his friends and though he didn't say so I could tell uncomfortable when people thought I was his grandma.

(dp)

Edited August 11, 2018 by J-rap

[Penguin]

I am 54 and had to stop coloring two years and two months ago due to a terrible allergic reaction. 

I keep my hair long, and I am finally getting a trim this week that will get rid of the last of the dyed hair. I am so excited!

The transition period was hard, but I am happy now. In some lighting, my greys look white but they look blonde in other lighting.

I was a strawberry-blonde until I had a baby at 27 and then my hair became mousy. That is when I started coloring. 

I lost my hair with chemo when I was 41. It came in salt-and-pepper but I was not yet ready for that look then so I dyed it again.

I love my hair right now. It is thick and healthy and I can’t wait to have it long enough to be a braid. But I’m content to look like an ageing hippie, lol, so it suits me.

Edited August 11, 2018 by Penguin

[Wheres Toto]

6 hours ago, marbel said:

I was 41 with my first, and almost 43 with my second.  

First baby over age 35 is considered "elderly prima gravida" and a high-risk pregnancy.  I remember being shocked at seeing "elderly" on my chart!  ?

 

6 hours ago, J-rap said:

A friend of mine the other day was just telling me that at her clinic, they call any pregnancy over 35 a "geriatric pregnancy"!  You'd think they could come up with a nicer-sounding name!  (Even 40 seems so young to me now.  ?)

 

4 hours ago, Lady Florida. said:

When I was pregnant they they said I was of "advanced maternal age". That sounds at least a little nicer. ? 

They used advanced maternal age for me too.  It sounds MUCH better than elderly or geriatric.

I had just turned 36 with ds and youngest dd was born a week before my 38th birthday.

[Wheres Toto]

3 hours ago, Mabelen said:

I had my first at 32 and my second and last one at 40. I fit right in age wise with my older daughter's friends' parents. I definitely am much older than most of my youngest's friends' parents.  

ETA My advanced maternal age actually helped me on my last pregnancy. When I went to my obstetrician, she immediately sent me to the specialist due to my age. There, they checked my history of miscarriages and secondary infertility and went all out to make sure this pregnancy went through. Testing found the most probable cause of my previous miscarriages, I got treatment and close tracking throughout my pregnancy, and had a beautiful and healthy baby girl the week after I turned 40.

 

I'm younger than most of my oldest daughter's friends' parents.  I had her when I was 24. 

For the younger guys, it's a mix.  They have friends with moms in their late 20's/early 30's, but there's also quite a few of us that are in our late 40's.  I think I have 5 or 6 friends with kids my kids' ages that are within 2 years of my age.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I'm 55, and I've never colored my hair.  I noticed the first grays when I was about 30, and they're quite evenly distributed through out my brown hair.  Interestingly, the gray hairs tend to fall out once they reach chin length, while the brown ones continue to grow.  I find that if I leave my hair long, then the over-all effect looks primarily brown, so that's what I do.  I have waist length brown hair that glints silver on top if the sun hits it, but looks brown in photographs.

I think about coloring it sometimes.  I wish there was a way to color just the gray hairs without affecting the rest of my healthy, "virgin" hair. But, I guess that's not possible, so I guess I'll just let it do what it's going to do.  The women in my dad's family (his mom and sisters) never went fully gray, so I'm hoping I take after them.  

[Momto6inIN]

I haven't read other people's responses, but my younger self had strong opinions on the subject LOL

I absolutely forbid my mom to start coloring over her gray hair when I was in college. Hers wasn't just gray, it was silver and so so so beautiful and classy and elegant and I in no way shape or form wanted her to look like my aunt who is now almost 70 - but is still holding on to her "jet black" hair - ack!!! Just go gray and be proud of it, I told her! And she listened, because that's apparently what you do with opinionated young daughters who think they know everything ?

Now that I'm older and going gray myself, I don't color my hair for the same reasons I always told my mom: I've earned those gray hairs and I should be proud of them. And when do I stop?  And who do I think I'm kidding anyway? But I'm not militant about it like I used to be LOL and now that it's my vanity on the line I can definitely see the attraction of coloring and why so many women do it.

But still think women with gray/silver hair look classy and elegant, so I plan to stay the course. And I tell my mom I love her hair all the time ? So I think she's forgiven me.

[marbel]

2 hours ago, Margaret in CO said:

 

Why the chewing out? Because I have to have c-sections. And I've lost 5, including one of a set of twins. Ds is doomed to have twins--he was a twin (we lost the one) and his gf is a twin. Hehehe...

Ah, sorry, I didn't know the backstory there... 

[EMS83]

I have white hairs, but they're few and far between.  They're welcome to hurry up and multiply.  I'm 35.  ?

[marbel]

6 minutes ago, Momto5inIN said:

<snip>

Now that I'm older and going gray myself, I don't color my hair for the same reasons I always told my mom: I've earned those gray hairs and I should be proud of them. And when do I stop? And who do I think I'm kidding anyway? But I'm not militant about it like I used to be LOL and now that it's my vanity on the line I can definitely see the attraction of coloring and why so many women do it.

But still think women with gray/silver hair look classy and elegant, so I plan to stay the course. And I tell my mom I love her hair all the time ? So I think she's forgiven me.

I agree, there are a lot of women with beautiful white/silver/gray hair. There is a woman at my church with beautiful silver hair, but her eyebrows have not gone gray, and she has really cool eyeglasses - she's stunning.  If mine were like that, I would surely embrace it!  LOL

But re: the bolded - I am not picking on you, so please don't think you offended me or said anything wrong. I get what you mean.

But sometimes people say that in a way that bugs me. So many young women color their hair, and people think it's fine, just having fun, trying out different colors/looks, etc. But when it's older women, they say "who does she think she's kidding?"  Actually now I'm remembering that my MIL has said that about older women who dye their hair. Surely she knows I color mine so I think in her case it's a passive-aggressive dig at me.  I just think it's an interesting double standard.  I assume anyone who looks at me closely would be able to tell, and I'm fine with that.  :-)  

Again, Momto5inIN, I didn't interpret your post in that negative way. 

 

[Pen]

A friend of mine who is older than I am and a licensed cosmetologist, so I figure she knows about these things, leaves her hair its natural gray or white color.  

She conditions it to help give more body and prevent flyaway gray hairs. As I am going gray I am following her example though my conditioning and cuts (cuts?) are not as good looking as hers.

I think she appreciated my asking her what she does as a very genuine compliment to her awesome looking gray / white hair. 

Edited August 11, 2018 by Pen

[Momto6inIN]

35 minutes ago, marbel said:

I agree, there are a lot of women with beautiful white/silver/gray hair. There is a woman at my church with beautiful silver hair, but her eyebrows have not gone gray, and she has really cool eyeglasses - she's stunning.  If mine were like that, I would surely embrace it!  LOL

But re: the bolded - I am not picking on you, so please don't think you offended me or said anything wrong. I get what you mean.

But sometimes people say that in a way that bugs me. So many young women color their hair, and people think it's fine, just having fun, trying out different colors/looks, etc. But when it's older women, they say "who does she think she's kidding?"  Actually now I'm remembering that my MIL has said that about older women who dye their hair. Surely she knows I color mine so I think in her case it's a passive-aggressive dig at me.  I just think it's an interesting double standard.  I assume anyone who looks at me closely would be able to tell, and I'm fine with that.  ?

Again, Momto5inIN, I didn't interpret your post in that negative way. 

 

I wouldn't have thought of it quite that way, but maybe you're right and it is a double standard. If my aunt is 70 and still likes the look of jet black hair, who am I to question her fashion choices any more than I question my young friend who is looking for just the right shade of chestnut brown?

I guess I just have this image in my mind of a woman who is fighting tooth and nail to deny that she's getting older instead of embracing the gray and all the changes that go along with it. And that's sad to me that she feels she has to fight what is a natural and often beautiful process. I realize that that image is probably not characteristic of all or even most women who color their gray (you included!), and its probably not terribly fair either, but it's the picture I have in my mind and it's part of why I probably won't choose to color mine.

Glad I didn't offend, and hope I didn't with this post either ?

[Guest]

A friend of mine is featured in this video. I do have a coloring process at this point in my life; I am 47 with a fairly minor number of greys. I don’t know for certain how this will work out, but my notion is that when my hair gets too grey for me to use my current process of highlighting and using a semi-permanent toner over it, I may quit at that point and be like my gorgeous grey-haired friend. The way my color is done now makes me think it will not be hard to grow out (although I can see where it might be hard to get a stylist who will cooperate with my goals). I expect I could have the amount of highlighting reduced while keeping the toner and then just quit both processes at some point with no noticeable line of demarkation. 

[Pen]

@Quill love that video!

[madteaparty]

On 8/10/2018 at 4:55 PM, StaceyinLA said:

 

Yes I’m brunette, and I agree - I generally use a light or medium golden brown to basically just color the greasy, but it really gives a reddish tint to the rest of my hair. I’m just leaving it for now and am gonna see how it goes.

My mom also found she had to go lighter color as a brunette. She has been coloring for a million years and looks amazing (and she is in good shape now in her 60s too).

I’m never going to find out if I have any grays and so neither will you ?

[KrissiK]

I’m 50, I started going gray at 28 and have been coloring ever since. I think going gray is an individual thing. Kinsa’s Photo looks great. The color and cut don’t age her at all. Beautiful. And then, some women have a shade of gray and a cut that just makes them look old. My aunt is 10 years younger than my mom and looks older because she doesn’t color and my mom does.

[Lady Florida.]

5 hours ago, Momto5inIN said:

 

Now that I'm older and going gray myself, I don't color my hair for the same reasons I always told my mom: I've earned those gray hairs and I should be proud of them. And when do I stop?  And who do I think I'm kidding anyway? But I'm not militant about it like I used to be LOL and now that it's my vanity on the line I can definitely see the attraction of coloring and why so many women do it.

 

I was going to respond to the bolded.

5 hours ago, marbel said:

 

But re: the bolded - I am not picking on you, so please don't think you offended me or said anything wrong. I get what you mean.

But sometimes people say that in a way that bugs me. So many young women color their hair, and people think it's fine, just having fun, trying out different colors/looks, etc. But when it's older women, they say "who does she think she's kidding?"  Actually now I'm remembering that my MIL has said that about older women who dye their hair. Surely she knows I color mine so I think in her case it's a passive-aggressive dig at me.  I just think it's an interesting double standard.  I assume anyone who looks at me closely would be able to tell, and I'm fine with that.  ?

Again, Momto5inIN, I didn't interpret your post in that negative way. 

 

And then I saw this. 

Yes, when I started coloring it I was trying to "kid" people by not showing my grey. The reason I continue though is simply because I like it. I liked coloring my hair when I was younger and didn't have any grey hair but just liked a different color. And regardless of why I started I continue to color my hair just because I like the color.

[Pen]

1 hour ago, peacelovehomeschooling said:

Do you know what conditioner she uses and recommends?  Also, if she has a great leave in conditioner she recommends, I would really love to know!

Thank you...

 

She puts fragrance free as part of her priorities and doing well on non toxicity ratings.

the every day conditioner I have and will look at what it is tomorrow to be sure, but I think it is called Desert Essence, fragrance free usually, a “replenishing” version possibly sometimes—I have not tried the replenishing one. She uses an oil called “Argan”, I think, for leave on overnight deep treatment. I haven’t tried the Argan yet myself.  And I don’t know if there is a specific brand of it. 

[Melissa in Australia]

I have never dyed my hair. It is almost half grey now. My hair is hip length and I wear it in a braid every day.

 

Dh has MCS so I have to be very careful even with shampoo etc.

 

 

I have never been to a hairdresser either

[samba]

I just made the decision to stop coloring my hair. I've been coloring since I was in my early-mid 30's and I'll be 50 next month. My hair grows quickly and I was doing my roots every 2 weeks! I have dark hair and am almost completely white underneath...no gray or silver. I went to a stylist for a deva cut (dry cut for curly hair) and she gave me just a few highlights around my face. It doesn't hide the demarcation line but it softens it ever so slightly. I'm using root cover-up to get me through the earliest stages and then I will have to live with the outgrowth.

My stylist is one of the models in the new book Silver Hair. The author, Lorraine Massey, also wrote the Curly Girl book and developed the Deva products. I use the original conditioner as a leave-in. Everything is sulfate, paraben and silicone free.

https://www.amazon.com/Silver-Hair-Goodbye-Natural-Handbook/dp/0761189297

 

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I have never dyed my hair. It is almost half grey now. My hair is hip length and I wear it in a braid every day.

 

Dh has MCS so I have to be very careful even with shampoo etc.

 

 

I have never been to a hairdresser either

This is not true for me (by far), but I just want to say - awesome! That is really admirable to me for some reason. 

[Mommyof1]

Never colored my hair. Not even as a teen. Always worried about the chemicals damaging my hair.

Recently turned 50. I have some gray about 3%-5%. Some females in my family color their hair others dont. My Mom (almost 80) never colored and now is almost completely gray. Her little sister went all gray before my Mom (about 15 yr age difference).

I have a 5 (almost 6) yr old and she would love to dye her hair. She is an adventurous one though. Like her Daddy!

Whenever i turn gray/white/silver or whatever is fine. I earned it.

[Pen]

Maybe after embracing

gray,  white,  and silver hair, there can be a movement to embrace wrinkles.  And maybe we will eventually get to the point of seeking wisdom and respecting and honoring elders as may have been more common in some tribal cultures or perhaps still is in some places in the world. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

This is another one of those areas where everyone should “just do you”. My older sisters both dye their hair. I don’t. I  do look washed out but people can still tell that I am younger. If I could handle chemicals I don’t know what I would do. I might try it but honestly I think that I would find it a hassle and too expensive. I only cut my hair twice a year. 

Edited August 12, 2018 by Jean in Newcastle

[Lady Florida.]

1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

This is another one of those areas where everyone should “just do you”. 

Exactly! 

And no one should shame you for doing you. 

[elegantlion]

On 8/11/2018 at 8:58 AM, Hannah said:

 

You do not look near 51 to me!  Maybe late 30's.

I also have curly hair, maybe a bit frizzier than yours, and would love to know how you style it and get the volume on top? 

My hair is black, with the grey all around my face.   If I wear it loose, very little of the grey is visible, but I often wear it pinned back, and then it is streaked with silver.

ETA:  I tried to colour just once, but because my hair is so dark, the colour looked artificial and I really didn't like it.  I've been natural grey since then.  My sisters have dark brown hair, and all colour theirs.

And you are my new best friend. ? I have issues with it getting too much weight and dragging down . I generally put on a headband to let it dry, sometimes in a microfiber towel. Then I sometimes tease the roots on the top usually just with my fingers. On certain days it looks better than others, depends upon the humidity mostly. 

[forty-two]

I've always had very long hair (waist-length and longer) and I never wanted to dye my hair - was worried about damaging it, and also having to live with whatever color for a long time or be stuck constantly redyeing it.  I've always figured I would just go gray, hopefully with grace and dignity ;).  Right now (37), I just have a few stray silvers, that no one except me even notices (and I like them well enough), so my resolution has not been tested.  My only change has been switching from using apple cider vinegar as a rinse (which brought out warm highlights in my brown hair) to using white vinegar instead (which brings out cool highlights - results in kind of an ash brown), with the thought that it would help keep the silvers silvery.

My mom has dyed her hair since at least her 40s - thought gray hair ages women.  I blithely dismissed that concern as a kid, but now I do see what she means.  I'm still planning/hoping to accept graying as it happens, but I understand there can be a real cost to it, which is something I never understood as a younger woman.

[maize]

Mine is mostly grey in front. I started coloring it a couple of years ago (had a lot of grey for years before that); I'm forty now and kind of lazy about coloring but I like it better colored than grey.

Edited August 12, 2018 by maize

[milovany]

I started noticing gray strands nearly 20 years ago (I'm 52 now) and at first, I plucked them. Then I noticed that they were more noticeable when they grew back in so I stopped. About 10-15 years ago, I spent about a year coloring from a box every couple of months. It was easier than I thought it would be and I did like the results, but then I realized it was really something I didn't care that much about so I quit coloring. I'm probably 40% to 50% gray -- my guess, I don't know for sure.  The rest of my hair is a medium brown; the gray is along the sides of my face and along the top to the crown.  My mom has that beautiful white hair thing happening, but she was completely that color by my age from what I understand and so what's happening with me is different from how it went down with her.  I get compliments occasionally but mostly it just what it is. I have noticed that my hair is thinning (saw your other thread on this) and that's more concerning to me. 

I tried to attach a picture, but couldn't figure out how in this new system. 

Edited August 13, 2018 by milovany

[Spy Car]

I've said it before, but my one singular beauty tip is Matrix Total Results "So Silver" shampoo.

It helps make grey hair shimmeringly silver.

Must have if you want to look like Kinsa.

Bill (silver fox)

 

 

[maize]

37 minutes ago, Spy Car said:

I've said it before, but my one singular beauty tip is Matrix Total Results "So Silver" shampoo.

It helps make grey hair shimmeringly silver.

Must have if you want to look like Kinsa.

Bill (silver fox)

 

 

I was hoping you were going to say you dye your hair bright green, or pink, or orange.

[Spy Car]

9 minutes ago, maize said:

I was hoping you were going to say you dye your hair bright green, or pink, or orange.

Sorry to disappoint you.

Bill

 

 

[6packofun]

I have gray hair, but it's less noticeable because of my hair color.  I have colored my hair for years, but only because I hate the shade of dirty blonde that it is.  No one can ever tell that I've colored it because it's subtle enough.  And it doesn't really hide my gray.  I think it really depends on one's natural hair color!  I'm turning 47 in the fall.