Boycotting Christmas - anyone done this?

[lauraw4321]

I don't mean boycotting church. I mean, boycotting the baking. And present ordering. And card ordering and stuffing and mailing. And wrapping. And meal prepping. And the decorating. 

 

Has anyone just told their partner - Hey! I'm not doing it this year. Anything you want to have happen, go for it. But I'm taking the year off.

 

[amy g.]

I think that my loved ones would be pretty sad if I ever did that, but I do understand how it could be tempting.

[ErinE]

.

Edited February 19, 2018 by ErinE

[Mothersweets]

I don't mean boycotting church. I mean, boycotting the baking. And present ordering. And card ordering and stuffing and mailing. And wrapping. And meal prepping. And the decorating. 

 

Has anyone just told their partner - Hey! I'm not doing it this year. Anything you want to have happen, go for it. But I'm taking the year off.

 

 

Only in my dreams.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I don’t do Christmas cards or baking. We enjoy MIL’s trees and decorations, so I skip that, too. FIL does all the cooking. This year DH is using his 3D printer to print most people’s gifts, so I have done almost no shopping.

 

For Thanksgiving, my tradition seems to be making tacos. DH cooked a duck this year. I also made homemade chicken nuggets with almond flour. That was good enough.

 

For Halloween, I gave the kids (11 and 8) permission to go in the attic to get the decorations. They decorated on Sept 23 and took everything down after Halloween. All I did was carve my pumpkin and help clean up after they carved theirs.

 

I think holidays should be enjoyable for moms, too. Too many traditional holidays seem to just be more work and leave parents, especially moms, stressed out and unable to enjoy them.

 

I hearby give you permission to skip any part you don’t like.

Edited December 5, 2017 by HoppyTheToad

[lauraw4321]

I don’t do Christmas cards or baking. We enjoy MIL’s trees and decorations, so I skip that, too. FIL does all the cooking. This year DH is using his 3D printer to print most people’s gifts, so I have done almost no shopping.

 

For Thanksgiving, my tradition seems to be making tacos. DH cooked a duck this year. I also made homemade chicken nuggets with almond flour. That was good enough.

 

For Halloween, I gave the kids (11 and 8) permission to go in the attic to get the decorations. They decorated on Sept 23 and took everything down after Halloween. All I did was carve my pumpkin and help clean up after they carved theirs.

 

I think holidays should be enjoyable for moms, too. Too many traditional holidays seem to just be more work and leave parents, especially moms, stressed out and unable to enjoy them.

 

I hearby give you permission to skip any part you don’t like.

 

Well, the part I hate the most is buying and wrapping presents, so I don't think that's possible. The next part I hate is cooking. But since everyone's coming to my house, I don't think that's possible either. I actually like the cards, but it's a lot of time and the easiest thing to skip.

[catz]

I decided a long time ago that the holidays should be fun and not stressful.  That means some years there aren't cards or there aren't a lot of cookies or more or less decorating.  We have had a couple years where we travelled near the holidays and they were more minimalistic years but we created memories on our travels.  I make it about creating memories and being with family.  It's ok to let go of things that just feel like stressful obligations. 

[almondbutterandjelly]

I stopped doing Christmas cards years ago.  It was so freeing.  I think I send out maybe 2 now.

 

We only bake if we feel like it.  Presents aren't that hard because our budget per person is not that big, and people ask for what they want.

 

We have a stash of gift bags (we re-use these all the time) in the garage.  We pull those out to re-use on Christmas eve, then put them away.  Got a Christmas present in a birthday gift bag?  Well, its Jesus' birthday, so it works!  No wrapping required.

 

And I love decorations.  I did those Thanksgiving week.

 

So no, I am not boycotting Christmas, but I do make it as easy and pleasant as possible.  I love Christmas.

[Jaybee]

We (I) haven't boycotted, but we have definitely a more scaled celebration than many. We lived overseas for years, so some things were scaled back from necessity (Christmas cards). Since being back stateside, I have not re-implemented those things. I don't bake like my mom did; just a couple of special things for Christmas Eve and Day. Our Christmas Eve meal is simple but special, and can be mostly prepared ahead. I make it big and we have leftovers on Christmas Day so that nobody has to spend the day in the kitchen. We decorate, but it doesn't take long; we don't have tons of things, and our tree is not huge. Our kids really enjoy our lower-key traditions.

 

The thing I struggle with most is the expectations of giving gifts everywhere you go, and the abundance of parties. It isn't that I don't appreciate teachers, co-workers, mailmen, etc., it is just that our budget is so tight that if I give to all these people, there is nothing left over for the people who are most precious to me. So all those Christmas tips, etc., just don't get done here. Even extended family gets left out; we just had to get blunt and say we were sorry, but we couldn't participate. Again, it's not because we don't love to give gifts--because we really do--but because it becomes way too big for our pocketbooks, and the stress ruins the holiday.

[mamaraby]

I don’t enjoy baking the cookies with the kids. I find it stressful. Last year dh did it and then this year it became his thing. I sat in my chair with my lap cat and provided technical support. When they were done, there were a few simple glaze/frosting type steps that I helped prepare and gave directions for, but dh supervised the actual doing with the kids.

 

Dh also spearheads the decorating. He herds the cats, er, kids, when they decorate the tree. He wants lights up outside so he did that.

 

The kids like decorating gingerbread houses, but I also find that stressful so we buy them premade and my mom comes over to help.

 

I help the kids with wishlists for extended family members. I handle the budget and planning for the money, but dh mostly picks out the gifts for the kids. We shop mostly together for the gifts if I haven’t ordered some things online.

 

I don't do cards. Present wrapping is a joint parent project and we find ways to make it fun - music, themed beverage, etc.

 

So, do the things you enjoy. If it’s a thing you don’t enjoy then don’t do it. If it’s important to some other family member then they can do it. That includes spouses and significant others. Yes, even if they work a lot of hours. Dh works a lot and still manages to be involved because he’s an adult and can make things happen, too. It doesn’t have to be solely mom’s responsibility to make holidays happen.

Edited December 5, 2017 by mamaraby

[JumpyTheFrog]

Our favorite Christmas dinner as a kid was the year we stayed home and everyone picked a main course. We had tacos, pizza, takeout Chinese, and something else. We kids liked that much better than the usual roast beef dinner at grandma’s. My mom liked it better, too.

Edited December 5, 2017 by HoppyTheToad

[maize]

I never have done most of that stuff.

 

I don't do holidays according to what I think I am expected to do. I do the things that bring me joy and the things that I believe will bring my loved ones joy and there is no guilt or pressure in any of it.

 

Things I don't do most years:

Decorations other than a tree that will go up at some point before Christmas day and will be decorated mostly by the children.

 

Cards.

 

Gifts beyond immediate family.

 

Individual gifts within my family other than a few stocking stuffers.

 

Big meals.

 

Neighbor gifts (a major "thing" in our area).

 

Holiday pressure is just not a thing I experience.

Edited December 5, 2017 by maize

[Julie Smith]

Well.... I never have really done Christmas. We just go to my mother's. 

[Garga]

I myself love Christmas, though some years I love it less than others and so I do understand the boycott impulse.

 

We do what I want to do. Since I'm the one who has to drive all these projects, we don't do what I don't want to do. Of course, if I suddenly didn't want to do anything At All, my kids would probably be super sad over that. My dh wouldn't care at all.

 

If you're hating Christmas, you could at least go minimal on it. Are your kids old enough to realize that you're boycotting it? Under 7 or 8 and they don't really know and will probably roll with whatever you do. Older than that, and they'll notice and might be really sad. Just saw that they're 9 and under. You could absolutely go minimal without them noticing much at all. If I told my 12 and 15 yo we weren't celebrating at all, they'd be really distressed.

[regentrude]

I scaled down.

I only bake what I feel like. Not the pressure of Grandma's 8 different kinds of cookies.

I decorate very minimally. Pyramid, two nutcrackers, tree. Done.

I send only a handful of cards to people who mean a lot to me.

I buy only presents for DH and my children.

We cook a nice meal together as a family.

 

 

[DawnM]

I say this every year, but this year I simply do NOT have the time.  Every weekend is busy (guest last weekend from Fri until Sun night and activities, wedding, Christmas party, etc....) This weekend my son is in a performance Fri night AND most of Saturday.

 

So, whatever the kids put up, we get.  Otherwise, it isn't happening.  I will order online, and I will wrap at some point, but that will be it.

 

I am not baking, not preparing any special foods, not traveling.  All parties are store bought items.  All specialty foods are store bought.

 

 

[OrganicJen]

I don't think we've totally boycotted it, but we have sometimes replaced it by celebrating winter solstice instead and it allowed us to keep things low key a lot easier. So we had a tree with lights to celebtate the evergreens in the winter and the light during the darkest day of the year and all, and we celebrated with a lovely meal, but we didn't do the commercialized Christmas stuff and didn't miss it because it was fun celebrating something else those years instead so it didn't feel like missing out on anything.

Edited December 5, 2017 by OrganicJen

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I would never boycott, but I do simplify where I can.  

 

Simple meals, which is easy because my DH's family is only an additional 2-3 people.  

Only 1-2 baking projects. Usually cut-out cookies and peppermint bark.  I have to mentally prepare myself for these, as cooking with the kids makes me crazy.  :-)

I try to get all the gifts in November.  

 

I can't help with the wrapping.  I love wrapping gifts because I make it special for myself.  I do it Christmas Eve when all the other work is done and the kids are in bed, while watching Little Women and drinking wine.  :-D  

 

In many ways, as much as I miss my family, it is easier to keep things simple because we're far away.  We don't have a million places to be or gifts to buy, etc, and that takes a lot of complication out of the holiday.  

 

Find a way to enjoy Christmas!  Delegate your husband to go get $X amazon gift cards/visas for each child.  Stuff their stockings with a new toothbrush, new undies, and a magazine related to one of their hobbies or interests.  Make a meal that you know well and is easy for you, rather than a special "Christmas meal".  Delegate the dessert to one of the people coming over.  Tell your kids they are in charge of the table decorations.  Whatever it takes!

[Rachel]

Well, the part I hate the most is buying and wrapping presents, so I don't think that's possible. The next part I hate is cooking. But since everyone's coming to my house, I don't think that's possible either. I actually like the cards, but it's a lot of time and the easiest thing to skip.

Could you do it potluck style or have it catered? Maybe buy one of the holiday meals from your local grocery store?

[Carol in Cal.]

I went from Christmas cards to Epiphany cards to cards every few years if I feel like it.

I don't necessarily do a TON of baking.  But my baking is legendarily good so the little I do is popular.  More pies than cookies (easier and serves more people).

We don't use all of our ornaments--there are too many.  We decorate the tree until it looks nice, and then we stop.

I usually do Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving, to avoid the mall crowds and to make time for the great experiences that crowd December weekends.

I take all the Christmas presents to my office and spread them out on a big conference room table, and DH wraps them.  I put the ribbons on because he WILL NOT do that.  But basically we get this done very quickly.  

 

I think there is a way to do enough to feel festive but not drive yourself crazy.  It starts with "What do *I* like?"  And with "What experiences are meaningful to us?"

 

What I would like to do is make more presents, but I never seem to get around to that.  I would also like to decorate a bunch of boxes to use over and over, ditto.  One year I wove present ribbons on my inkle loom and gave them as presents.  That was popular but extremely time consuming, and people pretty much didn't want to use them for presents because they would have to give them up.  So the effort was much-appreciated, but largely non-functional.

 

 

Edited December 5, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[Epicurean]

We only do stockings at Christmas. No other presents. We try to fill the stockings with meaningful gifts (not junk and toothbrushes) but it's really not the focus of the holiday. We forego presents so that we can take a winter vacation every year. I think experiences matter more.

 

I considered having Publix stuff instead of actually making a dinner this year, but then after watching The Great British Baking Show, I decided it would be fun to cook a British themed meal, with beef Wellington, Yorkshire pudding, etc. It could be a disaster, but it will be fun to try.

[Rachel]

My mom quit doing Christmas when all us kids were gone. Although my little brother and I had done the tree ourselves for a few years. That and stockings were all the decorations we ever did. It was kind of disappointing but now that I have kids I get it. She isn’t super traditional so doing anything for a Christmas took a lot out of her.

 

What if you don’t decorate? What if instead of wrapping you do gift bags or just put cash in an envelope? You could call it “I need a break Christmasâ€.

 

If you kids are grown could you be honest with them and tell them you will provide the home but they need to do the work?

[Heatherwith4]

I’m doing less this year since I’m 90 bajillion months pregnant. ;) Everyone else decorated, inside and out. We don’t do Christmas cards. I am doing more online shopping than ever, and I’m letting the kids help me wrap. I am not cooking as much, but still some because I really enjoy it.

[Julie Smith]

Many years Dh talks about how we should do this or that. By "we" he means "me". This year he has off work the whole week before Christmas, so if he wants something done he can do it. 

[scholastica]

Honestly, this sounds like a family dynamics issue, not a Christmas issue. Why is everyone invited to your house if you hate cooking? Maybe everyone who’s coming should do the cooking and you provide a clean, welcoming space? Why don’t you and your partner split the gift buying and wrap together? How about you only do the baking you enjoy? It sounds like you’re putting expectations on this and then blaming others for all you’re expecting yourself to do.

[lauraw4321]

Honestly, this sounds like a family dynamics issue, not a Christmas issue. Why is everyone invited to your house if you hate cooking? Maybe everyone who’s coming should do the cooking and you provide a clean, welcoming space? Why don’t you and your partner split the gift buying and wrap together? How about you only do the baking you enjoy? It sounds like you’re putting expectations on this and then blaming others for all you’re expecting yourself to do.

 

We moved across the country and have the only grandkids, so everyone comes here.

 

Since people are traveling, they can't provide the food. 

 

DH would delay purchasing so long that presents would be late or he would be missing out on family activities on Christmas Eve to get them. DH is unreliable. If I delegate something to him, I have to do so only on the assumption that it will not happen, and that I will be ok with the consequences if it doesn't.

 

I have decided not to send cards, but I fear the backlash a bit.

 

My favorite baking I do is for a Christmas decorating/caroling/cookie swap that I used to host, but since we're in a new city and know very few people, I can't do that this year. 

[scholastica]

We moved across the country and have the only grandkids, so everyone comes here.

 

Since people are traveling, they can't provide the food.

 

DH would delay purchasing so long that presents would be late or he would be missing out on family activities on Christmas Eve to get them. DH is unreliable. If I delegate something to him, I have to do so only on the assumption that it will not happen, and that I will be ok with the consequences if it doesn't.

 

I have decided not to send cards, but I fear the backlash a bit.

 

My favorite baking I do is for a Christmas decorating/caroling/cookie swap that I used to host, but since we're in a new city and know very few people, I can't do that this year.

So have the visitors do the cooking at your house! They don’t lose the ability to cook on vacation.

 

I do think you and your spouse could benefit from counseling. You sound like you are laboring under a burden. Does your spouse have EF issues? It is difficult to live with and understand it if you don’t have those issues. If you are having to be the person who does all the thinking, planning, coordinating all the time, the addition of Christmas expectations can put you over the edge.

[Seasider]

I have scaled waaaay back. But I also have kids old enough to help pick up the slack.

 

In a few years, I expect there will be grandkids to delight and I will be caught up enough in other areas of life that I will be ready to put on more of a show.

 

Seriously, though, all the responsibility for Christmas "magic" shouldn't be heaped on mom alone. That's a sure way to have no one happy for the season.

[Seasider]

We haven't because Christmas is my favorite time of the year! But I do read Skipping Christmas every year!

That book is SO funny!

[lauraw4321]

So have the visitors do the cooking at your house! They don’t lose the ability to cook on vacation.

 

I do think you and your spouse could benefit from counseling. You sound like you are laboring under a burden. Does your spouse have EF issues? It is difficult to live with and understand it if you don’t have those issues. If you are having to be the person who does all the thinking, planning, coordinating all the time, the addition of Christmas expectations can put you over the edge.

 

Yes, DH has EF issues. He's has pretty severe ADD. We've tried counseling, and it wasn't helpful. DH doesn't think he's the issue. He thinks life is just busy because we have little kids and it'll be better when they're older. I don't have it in me right now to try to find yet another counselor, figure out insurance, price, etc. 

[Peaceseeker]

NM- double post!

Edited December 5, 2017 by CaliforniaDreaming

[lauraw4321]

If Christmas is causing you more stress than joy, it may be time to re-evaluate how you celebrate it. I had some rough years when the kids were young where I expected way too much of my self. I have simplified so much over the years and Christmas has become very peaceful.

 

Things I did to simplify:

1) stopped sending cards (I hated doing it and it totally stressed me out. So I stopped)

2) cooking on Christmas day- sausage balls are a tradition Christmas morning. Otherwise it is appetizer, make ahead type stuff. I have fruit, cheese am d crackers, chips and dip, maybe a sandwich tray. I usually like to bake, so I might make homemade cinnamon rolls or banana bread a day or two before. It is kind of a grazing day.

3) stopped gift giving much with extended family- this one reduced my stress a lot. We just do the kids for the most part, although both grandmothers never really got on board so we still give them a gift. But my husband and I don't swap with our siblings, and our friends all agreed it was too stressful as well so we don't do gifts with friends either. The extended family used to draw names but they finally stopped that as well.

4) For us personally as Christians, we started focusing on Christmas being a religious holiday instead of a secular holiday. So we do a Jesse tree, focus on attending church more, and go to church on Christmas and/ or Christmas eve.

 

Wrapping presents gets easier when you downsize and there are not a mountain of them. For cooking I would seriously consider ordering a large sandwich tray with all the fixings, and when you pick it up, grab a bunch of donuts, muffins or what not for breakfast Christmas morning. Who says you have to cook a traditional dinner? Is there some expectation from your husband or your family that you will cook all day on Christmas?

 

Yes, there are expectations on my family's side that certain things will be cooked. I have agreed to this and done it every year that I've hosted ( 7 now). I don't want to deal with the huffiness and rudeness if I don't comply again this year.

[HomeAgain]

I don't believe in doing anything that causes me extra stress.  The point of Christmas is to give willingly what you have.  To quote the Grinch,

It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.

I give what I can give freely.  I don't bake cookies.  I don't decorate the outside of the house.  I can't give that without a lot of stress.  I can do things that I like to share.

 

We don't always make Christmas dinner.  In fact, it's usually Christmas eve, so that Christmas day EVERYONE gets to relax and enjoy themselves.  I don't think I would ever boycott Christmas, but I would make sure that I am happy during the festivities, too.

[Julie Smith]

I never do holiday baking. 

 

Perhaps it is because I only make one kind of cookie, Greater Cookies. 

 

At least I spell it, "Greater" everyone else spells is "Grater" as in you have to use a grater to scrape off the burnt bits. 

 

 

[Tanaqui]

I don't mean boycotting church. I mean, boycotting the baking. And present ordering. And card ordering and stuffing and mailing. And wrapping. And meal prepping. And the decorating. 

 

Has anyone just told their partner - Hey! I'm not doing it this year. Anything you want to have happen, go for it. But I'm taking the year off.

 

As an atheist, I don't go to church :)

 

I don't bake unless I want to, I don't send cards, I make everybody wrap their own gifts, and if anybody wants the house decorated, they have to do this - a policy I adopted as a child the year after my father died, when I decorated everything and then I had to take it all down after the holiday. In, like, June, because nobody else did it. Forget it!

 

It works out pretty well for us. (But I still kill myself making a great dinner.)

 

[Tanaqui]

Yes, there are expectations on my family's side that certain things will be cooked. I have agreed to this and done it every year that I've hosted ( 7 now). I don't want to deal with the huffiness and rudeness if I don't comply again this year.

 

Yo, if they're gonna be rude at my table, they can go eat at McDonald's. Seriously, I'd put my foot down over this. They eat what I make, or they provide their own, or they go without.

(Obviously I wouldn't do this over serious food intolerances, or allergies, or other dietary restrictions - but sheesh.)

[rainbowmama]

I'm skipping cards, because it's too much work. 

[lauraw4321]

Yo, if they're gonna be rude at my table, they can go eat at McDonald's. Seriously, I'd put my foot down over this. They eat what I make, or they provide their own, or they go without.

(Obviously I wouldn't do this over serious food intolerances, or allergies, or other dietary restrictions - but sheesh.)

 

My mother is planning on bringing ingredients that she doesn't think I'll be able to find here to make one particular family dish. She'll be here for 7 days before Christmas. I think I'll offer my kitchen and let her make it!

[Prairie~Phlox]

I say do whatever makes you happy. I love to bake so I enjoy the baking around the holidays, we have a big dinner with our neighbors on Christmas, so we're going to do that. I don't do a lot of gifts because we don't have a lot of money to and even if we did I don't think I would go extravagant. I quit sending cards along time ago.

[scholastica]

Yes, DH has EF issues. He's has pretty severe ADD. We've tried counseling, and it wasn't helpful. DH doesn't think he's the issue. He thinks life is just busy because we have little kids and it'll be better when they're older. I don't have it in me right now to try to find yet another counselor, figure out insurance, price, etc.

Well, I hope you find a way for the sake of your sanity and the sake of your family to make peace with the situation as it is. Living with another adult who has EF issues can be very difficult. It’s hard not to think “You’re an adult! Why can’t you just...do this task?†But honestly, they just can’t. The brain they have just cannot. Period. Fullstop.

 

To a degree, he’s right about the little kid factor. Just yesterday, I was at Costco. After I loaded everything in my car, I looked around and realized that the closest cart corral and it was across a lane and down a ways. The first thing that came to mind was how stressful that would have been a few years ago with 4 kids in tow. Same thing at the grocery store in the evening. There was a display of toy cars at the checkout and all I could think was how one of mine would have whined for one. Now they can stay home and I have less stress in everyday tasks. Those years with Little’s are hard. They are harder for you because you have a spouse with a disability, just like everyone who has a spouse with a disability. It may be invisible, but it’s still a disability.

 

Please carve out some self time. And please find ways to accommodate the expectations without ending up hurting your family. The idea to order in the food is a great one. Everything costs time or money, now may be a time to spend the money, since you are short on time.

[hornblower]

You might enjoy putting your feet up and listening (or re-listening) to Dave Cooks the Turkey on the Vinyl Cafe. 

Story starts at ~5:50 

Morley's epic rant about xmas (& just the whole mom life) is ~ 11.  I think Morley just nails it.

 

 https://soundcloud.com/cbc-radio-one/vinyl-cafe-dave-cooks-the

 

[prairiewindmomma]

This year, I picked up Thanksgiving at Costco (roasted chicken, rolls, pie, green salad, and instant potatoes). Those were the things my children particularly wanted.

This year, for Christmas, we are doing stockings only. I picked up a tiny glittered rosemary tree yesterday at Trader Joe's. That's our tree this year.  I *might* send out Christmas cards this year---but only because I can print off address labels and do it over a long movie in front of the fireplace. I've convinced the extended family to save up for a group vacation (rent a seaside cottage), and not do presents.

 

It's ok to step away from the expectations and the pressure.  I live with a few with EF issues in my house, and I am very INTJ.  They have fabulous ideas, and they try to dump it on me to carry them out. I think it's ok to say that if they want to pay to have cards sent out, a meal catered, or whatever and that fits into your budget, great.  But don't feel like you need to keep all of their balls in the air.  Save your energy for the things that really matter (health, safety, etc.) 

 

 

 

[LMD]

We don't stress about Christmas here. I order a lot of stuff online but we really don't go overboard with gifts, 2-3 things each kid generally - they get gifts from grandparents too. I get something small for other kids in our lives and generally a token gift for families (like a nice soap, photo frame, cookies etc)

Dh and I don't do gifts for each other. I don't decorate really, we have lived in tiny homes with no room - I do like to outline a Christmas tree shape in fairy lights on the wall and stack presents on a table underneath. We don't do santa or stockings.

I bake with the kids in the week before Christmas, the last few years we've done gingerbread cookies/houses with friends.

The families take turns hosting the meal and everyone contributes, everyone brings a one or two of a side/dish/dessert/drinks etc. Often the men will be cooking a main piece of meat on the barbecue outside. No one person has to do all the cooking, and everyone pitches in with cleaning up - it's part of the family culture on the day.

 

Next Christmas, 2018, we will be in our new house so it will be my turn to host! I'm actually really excited about it, and so is dd!

[scholastica]

It occurred to me that you said you moved. Now is the perfect time to establish what Christmas will look like in your new home! It’s not too late to have a meeting with dh and decide what traditions to keep, change and jettison. Family expectations can play into your decisions, but you are an established family unit who can decide how your family celebrates. In a new place and a new home, wow what a chance to start with a clean slate. Good luck and hugs to you.

[Catwoman]

Personally, I feel that Christmas isn't about me. It's about my family having a great day together and opening presents and eating special meals. I'm not about to put my own convenience ahead of my family traditions, even if sometimes I get tired or stressed.

 

Maybe that's not a popular opinion, but it is what it is. :)

[marbel]

I haven't had a chance to read all the replies.

 

We've stepped away from the a lot of the typical Christmas stress. Our gift-giving list is short. We send cards when we have a good-enough photo of all of us (and that is rare!). I don't bake a ton and don't do plates of cookies for neighbors, etc. We do try to have a big open house each year (not sure if we're doing it this year; I've been sick for 2 weeks and don't even feel like planning anything). Since my mother died and we stopped going to my in-laws at Christmas (thanks to the usual threat of bad weather and my husband usually preaching on Christmas Eve, we got out of that) we have a quiet Christmas at home with movies and mostly easy meals. I do like the Christmas prime rib dinner though. :-)

 

I have been tempted but I would not give up Christmas entirely as long as my kids are around. This time is for them. I have thought about not having a tree but they won't even consider it. They do help with it. And I think about the future - one of these days my kids will be up and out, and I won't need to do all that stuff. Maybe I'll want to, or maybe I won't. But, I can wait till then to see what happens.

 

I know a lot of people who are stressed out but won't give up the things that are stressing them. It's really OK to change things and not follow traditions that don't fit anymore.

Edited December 5, 2017 by marbel

[Julie Smith]

In the past when we hosted my SIL would show up with a mostly already cooked food that she would just have to heat up, or whatever. I'm not sure since I don't eat many thanksgiving christmas food because I'm vegetarian and STRONGLY dislike mashed potatoes and almost every kind of pie. 

 

 

[KungFuPanda]

I don't mean boycotting church. I mean, boycotting the baking. And present ordering. And card ordering and stuffing and mailing. And wrapping. And meal prepping. And the decorating.

 

Has anyone just told their partner - Hey! I'm not doing it this year. Anything you want to have happen, go for it. But I'm taking the year off.

I say Christmas Like A Man. Take every shortcut. Skip cards. Plug in a prelit tree and call your house decorated. Order the hol Day meal from the grocery store. Of course the stuffing isn’t as good, but it’s still gone in 30 minutes and you’ve saved time, effort, and spared your kitchen all that messy fallout. Order the presents, but spring for gift bags. If you streamline it, it’s not so bad.

[Ausmumof3]

Tell them all you're having an australian themed Christmas and make it a BBQ. DH can cook.

 

Those who want it to be a specific way can do the work to make it a specific way. And those who are rude enough not to appreciate the effort you do put in can go elsewhere.

 

Ok I probably wouldn't carry through on that because I'm a pushover but sometimes people's expectations can be a bit ridiculous.

 

At least if you hate wrapping you can do gift bags.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Yes, there are expectations on my family's side that certain things will be cooked. I have agreed to this and done it every year that I've hosted ( 7 now). I don't want to deal with the huffiness and rudeness if I don't comply again this year.

 

 

 

Yo, if they're gonna be rude at my table, they can go eat at McDonald's. Seriously, I'd put my foot down over this. They eat what I make, or they provide their own, or they go without.

(Obviously I wouldn't do this over serious food intolerances, or allergies, or other dietary restrictions - but sheesh.)

I agree. I do the whole event happily for people who like it and make it a good memory just by their presence. But I would not assemble a single popcorn ball for people who are huffy and rude to me about how I make Christmas, or any holiday! That's so awful.

 

Scholastica has the perfect solution: a major move is an excellent time to change the tradition. Do what you like, that you can handle without too much stress, for people who contribute a cheerful attitude (if nothing else).