Help me say this without sounding like a jerk.

[desertstrawberry5]

 I don't use curriculum or online school or anything. I don't really follow a specific method, so I can't really say we are classical schoolers, or Montessori or whatever. 

I haven't been here long, but it seems like most people aren't real familiar with homeschooling and only associate it with online school or school-in-a-box. Which is fine, but no one seems to understand wtf I'm talking about when I they ask what program I'm using and I'm like, "Uh, no program. I teach them myself. Like...I do it myself."

To which the response is "Oh you unschool." But I don't, and I reply, "No. I teach them. Like...I uh...actually teach them."and then I sound self-righteous like I'm judging everyone who does use a program, and that I think unschoolers don't teach their kids anything. Which I'm not. I just don't do it that way. 

 

 I put together my own lessons, choose materials, and use workbook and textbooks as we like, but not really any one program, and it's all very confusing. I mean, I think this is just "homeschooling" or eclectic homeschooling, but it seems that the people I come across are not familiar with it and I don't know how to say it so that it makes sense, but doesn't sound judgey or braggy. 

Ideas to help me sound less jerky?

Edited for clarity, I hope. 

Edited November 8, 2017 by desertstrawberry5

[MarkT]

I would just explain to people that you mix,match, and assemble your own program, and are their teacher. You don’t outsource or use an umbrella school.

 

That’s straightforward enough, and if they think you’re weird or bragging that’s on them.

In addition, You could also say you "customize" your material for each child/student.

[desertstrawberry5]

TO be clear, it's other homeschooling or soon-to-be homeschooling parents who are asking. I think they are hoping for advice or guidance or support or something. Which I got tons of in Louisiana, and I'm down with all of that. But the vibe is so different here. 

 

 

[regentrude]

I think the problem is that the term "program" is not well defined. You are thinking of a boxed, scripted curriculum; they may be thinking of textbooks.

 

I am very eclectic and compile my own resources. I simply say "We are using different materials for different subjects; it's a mix. I choose what works best for my kid and the subject". That has never been an issue.

[Cindy in FL.]

“I looked into it and didn’t find a particular program that was a good fit for my kids to use, so I pull from a lot of different sources, use the internet and library, and pick the brains of fellow homeschoolers. It’s working really well for us right now, and I know that there are a lot of options if we need to make any changes.â€

Edited November 8, 2017 by Cindy in FL.

[Petrichor]

Are you talking to homeschoolers or non-homeschoolers?

 

I suppose either way, I would (and usually do) say that I find my own materials and teach myself, like how a teacher does. 

 

To the people who think homeschool = online school or school in a box I usually have to explain that yes, you CAN actually just go get a few textbooks, teacher's guides, etc. and teach like how a teacher teaches a class.

 

To homeschoolers/online schoolers, I tell them about WTM, and tell them about RR and the huge variation of materials and choices available.

[Miss Tick]

I usually say, "oh, I pick and choose for each subject" I would LOVE to follow up with a detailed breakdown for each subject along with future plans. Sadly, "What do you use" is often born from ignorance of the subject, or a need for a rhetorical conversation opener.

[desertstrawberry5]

These are all great responses. Keep them coming. My thoughts are starting to congeal a bit. 

 

 

 

Maybe instead of "no program I just teach them" you could say something more like "Oh, I create my own curriculum and materials."

 
OK this is kind of what i'm looking for. A clear, concise answer I can keep in my pocket. As long as no one wants lots of details-I can't imagine anyone would- I can say something like this, get my point across and not fumble too much. 

[desertstrawberry5]

Are you talking to homeschoolers or non-homeschoolers?

 

I suppose either way, I would (and usually do) say that I find my own materials and teach myself, like how a teacher does. 

 

To the people who think homeschool = online school or school in a box I usually have to explain that yes, you CAN actually just go get a few textbooks, teacher's guides, etc. and teach like how a teacher teaches a class.

 

To homeschoolers/online schoolers, I tell them about WTM, and tell them about RR and the huge variation of materials and choices available.

Homeschoolers, past, present, and future. But I suspect more online/CC type schooling than what we do. I'm getting a lot of blank looks. 

[desertstrawberry5]

I usually say, "oh, I pick and choose for each subject" I would LOVE to follow up with a detailed breakdown for each subject along with future plans. Sadly, "What do you use" is often born from ignorance of the subject, or a need for a rhetorical conversation opener.

 

I think part of the problem is that I don't really know what the question is leading to. I'm cool with extrapolating into our specific plans, methods, fun stuff. But I think people who are asking me are looking for an more similar to "Where does your child go to school?" or "Which online school do you use?"  But i don't know. Maybe that's where I need to start. Why do you ask kind of question. 

[Word Nerd]

I would just say you use a variety of books, academic materials, and other resources to put together your own program.

[eternalsummer]

When people ask what program I'm using, I say, "We use Math Mammoth and Beast Academy for math, Classical Writing for English, TOPScience, oh and DD12 is taking a Latin class online with Lukeion, have you heard of them?  Very organized people! etc."

 

I just start listing the various curricula we use and they get the idea pretty fast that we use a variety of curricula.

[happi duck]

"I put together my own curriculum."

[Tess in the Burbs]

I get what you are saying.  My dd has a penpal and when asked what 'program' we do my dd said I teach using a variety of curriculum.  The response was again asking but what program.  DD listed out the curriculum but the child again asked DD what program we went to.  Ugh.  

I live in a high co-op area.  I'm finding no one teaches at home.  So when we meet homeschoolers they ask what co-ops we do.  Yes, plural.

 

You are just doing something different.  I like to say we are eclectic.  Mostly at home, some online.  Kids do outside fun classes(piano/violin, theater, PE) in different settings.   

[mellifera33]

I should keep some of these responses in a notebook, to refer to when I get that question. I usually start listing each thing we use, with a little info about it, and then realize a few minutes in that the person I’m talking with has completely zoned out. :D

[PeterPan]

I get that question a lot. I just say I'm eclectic and that I pull from a variety of places and vendors to fit the child.

 

Remember, many people asking won't even know that there are companies selling curriculum to homeschoolers. They really don't know where we even get stuff, lol.

[El...]

I should keep some of these responses in a notebook, to refer to when I get that question. I usually start listing each thing we use, with a little info about it, and then realize a few minutes in that the person I’m talking with has completely zoned out. :D

Yeah!  "Oh, you didn't want to know all the things I love about all the things we use?  All the research?  All the time and study?  My deepest thoughts on teaching methods?  No?  Oh, well."  

[happypamama]

I would say, “I use a little bit of everything, lots of different materials. Four kids, four math programs.â€

[Lady Florida.]

That's how we homeschooled too. To those who understood I told them we were eclectic. To those who don't I just told them our state doesn't require any specific program so we use different materials depending on the subject. Sometimes I had to go as far as telling them I created the plans myself but most would glaze over at that point so I didn't have to do that far.

[catz]

When asked that question I just say I use a variety of materials and resources. I also sometimes use the word eclectic.

 

Say8ng you teach them yourself is kind of a confusing response.

Edited November 8, 2017 by WoolySocks

[J-rap]

I had a homeschooling dad ask me what program we used to use just yesterday (we're done now), and I just said "A whole variety!"  He did look a little confused.

 

It's funny, because that would have been the typical answer when I first started, about 18 years ago. 

 

Times have changed!

[mamaraby]

But I think people who are asking me are looking for an more similar to "Where does your child go to school?" or "Which online school do you use?"

I think this is often what people are asking. It’s one of those easy identifiers that help people find common interests. I haven’t been around local homeschoolers for a very long time, but it always seemed like the majority of people were using MFW so then I think they were accustomed to that and were looking for their tribe members.

 

So I keep in mind that they’re looking for the box to put me in and try to answer as simply as I can. Locally the idea that anyone would just pick their own stuff and do their own thing is so foreign. A parent of one of ds’s teammates on Sunday couldn’t believe that I wasn’t using an online program for middle school. I actually had mini-flashbacks to a recent thread here when she started explaining why she did the online school thing for her ds and wanted to know if ds taught himself. But mostly again, I was the weirdo. Amongst irl homeschoolers, I get that a lot.

[....]

Yeah, that's always the first thing new homeschoolers or people looking to homeschool ask us, too.  They're wondering which online virtual school we use.  Most people really just don't know a lot about homeschooling.  We were at a dinner once with extended family and they were asking how often "the teacher" comes out to our house...   :svengo:

[SKL]

When I was homeschooling my kid in KG, I would say "I use books we already own - we own thousands of books - to cover all the state requirements and provide enrichment to meet the individual child's needs."

[meganrussell]

I live in Louisiana, and I get a lot of "what do you use". When I say, lots of stuff!, they get so confused. They want you to say, Abeka, or Connections Academy, or something all in one. Now that I'm just homeschooling my youngest, I say Father's World and leave out all of the add ins.

[EMS83]

I tell people we're relaxed eclectic and we draw from various sources, some of which are published programs.  Mostly this gets a glassy "Oh" and change of subject, which is fine.  Beyond that, I'll explain the various subjects if the person seems genuinely interested (whether for curiosity or for idea-mining).  

[bolt.]

"I choose different resources for different subjects, so we have a lot of variety. Sometimes I choose a curriculum-style resource, and other times we study a subject through directed research, personalized assignments and parental instruction."

[Carrie12345]

I think part of the problem is that I don't really know what the question is leading to. I'm cool with extrapolating into our specific plans, methods, fun stuff. But I think people who are asking me are looking for an more similar to "Where does your child go to school?" or "Which online school do you use?"  But i don't know. Maybe that's where I need to start. Why do you ask kind of question. 

 

 

This is a big issue for me.  When I don't know the person's starting point, I don't know where to meet them.  Some are expecting me to name an online school.  Others are looking for actual math or science resources.  Almost none are looking for an explanation of my homeschool style because they either don't know there are homeschool styles, or they know and would ask me that actual question if they wanted it answered.

[Carol in Cal.]

 

 

It's funny, because that would have been the typical answer when I first started, about 18 years ago. 

 

Times have changed!

Here, too.

But I never could talk much with local people about curricula.  There are lots of unschoolers, and a bunch of 'I will judge you if you don't use Abeka for everything' folks, and a lot of people who are just not all that interested in the pros and cons of different materials.  That's why it's nice to be able to come here and geek out.

[LMD]

I tend to answer "what do you do/use" with "whatever I want"

 

Maybe snarky, but it sets the tone of what kind of homeschooler I am, and directs the next questions nicely. Some common responses might be

'oh, so the school/gov doesn't send you books?' <--- someone who knows very little about homeschooling

'What are your favourite resources?' <-- fellow homeschooler looking for recommendations

'How do you know what to teach?' <--- newbie homeschooler

**nervous laughter** 'oh okay' <--- someone just making conversation.

[Arcadia]

I do still “teach†my kids with pencil and paper at the library. I get curious people asking about my academic qualifications.

 

When people ask which program here, they are usually asking about charter school independent study program, classical conversations, K12 VA, parochial school homeschool program. I just ask them what they really want to know, I’m used to answering a question with a question. It’s easier to answer when they clarify what they are asking for so I know how much details to give in my answer.

[teachermom2834]

"Oh I just mix and match what I like for my kids"

 

That used to work. I actually now use a boxed curriculum for 4th gr and WTMA for high school but those answers dont work because they are not programs folks around here are familiar with. People that have been homeschooling a while seem to understand.

 

It is the most awkward with people who do not homeschool but want to talk about it. They are familiar with whatever their friend/sister/ neighbor used and want to discuss that. In our area homeschooling is pretty common so everyone thinks they understand it. It is also common for everyone to say they are thinking about it, want it do it, almost did it, did it for a year, etc. So I end up in conversations like that with people who I don't think even are interested in homeschooling - but just think they are supposed to be.

[Guinevere]

Sometimes I say that I follow the state standards, but choose my own curriculum. Thats loosely true, because I do read the standards each year to be sure we've covered the minimum. That answer assures them you've got decent oversight, but also lets them know you are a little off the beaten path. If they are just looking for a box for you, that should drop you in one nicely.

[Paige]

I said that we didn't use any one program, but I liked to pick different providers for each subject and sometimes each child according to our needs. 

[happypamama]

I tell people we're relaxed eclectic and we draw from various sources, some of which are published programs.  Mostly this gets a glassy "Oh" and change of subject, which is fine.  Beyond that, I'll explain the various subjects if the person seems genuinely interested (whether for curiosity or for idea-mining).  

I do get this as genuine curiosity, often from newer homeschoolers or those with younger children than mine, so they're looking to see what we use.  I'm very happy to discuss specifics with people who are interested.

 

I did get to have a really lovely discussion with my FIL a few weeks ago.  He's asked before if we have to use a curriculum, and he's not judgmental; he really just doesn't know how it all works.  So it was cool to be able to tell him how we pick and choose. :)

[Tanaqui]

I don't much like answering this sort of question - I always have a nagging fear that secretly, they'll judge me. (Which is ridiculous, I know, but pointing it out doesn't make it better.)

 

So instead I answer with something along the lines of "If you get me started talking, I'll never shut up*, and you'll be here three hours later wondering what went wrong. I'm not sure it's worth it if you're just trying to make conversation!"

 

* This is true, btw. Once I get over the initial hurdle, I'll talk their ear off.

[gaillardia]

Lots of good responses. The one that I tend to use most often before I say anything is: why do you ask? 

In the past as I have started giving answers I was criticized for my answers, so I answer with a question. I no longer care if it makes me sound like a jerk. 

 

A lot of people who are not any particular religion are sometimes apprehensive about homeschooling because they think the only thing out there is Christian-based curricula. I don't really need that in a curricula so I tend to look for materials that are educational without being preachy. At this point, there is a lot out there that is still high quality. 

[Guest]

I teach like you and get asked this a lot. My response is usually deflection : "I use different things, why do you ask?" or "I use different things, what do you use?"

[KungFuPanda]

I’d say “We’re old-fashion homeschoolers. We just study at the table with our books. I use something different for every subject.†When they react to that you can determine the direction of the conversation. They may want to talk handwriting specifics or just general pholosophies. Newer homeschoolers need to be reassured that what they picked is awesome; so they may just be looking for a little encouragement or just comraderi.

[ktgrok]

"We mix and match using different materials for different subjects."

 

Simple, honest, to the point. Not jerky. Nothing condescending about it. Leaves the door open for them to say, "oh, well I was wondering what Math you use" or whatever. 

[desertstrawberry5]

When people ask what program I'm using, I say, "We use Math Mammoth and Beast Academy for math, Classical Writing for English, TOPScience, oh and DD12 is taking a Latin class online with Lukeion, have you heard of them?  Very organized people! etc."

 

I just start listing the various curricula we use and they get the idea pretty fast that we use a variety of curricula.

80% of what we study is not formal curriculum. I write math problems, give them books of math and letter games, give my older kids writing prompts and edit their papers, on-the-spot grammar lessons, living books, Netflix documentaries. You know. Not things you can order from Rainbow Resource. 

 

When we use workbooks, it's like 8 different random workbooks. I just ordered 5 more to go with the 3? 4? my little kids already have. I couldn't even tell you what they are. 

 

I think I need to just go with, "I make my own program." Then if they want specifics, I can go deeper. 

[desertstrawberry5]

I tend to answer "what do you do/use" with "whatever I want"

 

Maybe snarky, but it sets the tone of what kind of homeschooler I am, and directs the next questions nicely. Some common responses might be

'oh, so the school/gov doesn't send you books?' <--- someone who knows very little about homeschooling

'What are your favourite resources?' <-- fellow homeschooler looking for recommendations

'How do you know what to teach?' <--- newbie homeschooler

**nervous laughter** 'oh okay' <--- someone just making conversation.

 

Oh, I like this. I don't want to go into graphic detail. I just want a quick answer that doesn't require me to explain my life choices to some stranger who probably doesn't care at all. 

 

 

[kroe1]

You mentioned you are talking with new, or soon-to-be homeschoolers. This requires patience and understanding. You were there once, too, remember?

 

People just want guidance and to know what they are doing measures up to everyone else, or will measure up. In the beginning, we all start a little worried that we are going to screw up our kids. At least, I did. It is fine to say you are constantly evolving, depending on the circumstance. Then, try to pry into why the question was asked? Perhaps, it was just to strike up a conversation. But, most likely, from a newbie it is an opportunity to build someone’s confidence in her own choices.

[livetoread]

I usually answer, “A mix of things. Whatever works the best for us. I pick and choose resources.†If they ask if I unschool, I just say, “No, we’re more structured.†Follow up questions, if any, set the rest of the conversation.

 

As far as avoiding sounding “better thanâ€, I think repeating some form of “it works for our family right now†is good. I often couched my choices as temporary, too. “It’s working well right, now - we’ll see what the future holds. One of the nice things about homeschooling is we can choose what works best for what stage for each kid.â€

 

I belong to an inclusive homeschool group that has survived and thrived for over twenty years, even with a variety of homeschooling styles, including a large unschooling component. Knowing how to navigate these conversations with tact is very helpful, lol. Making it personal versus global keeps the pressure off. “My kids seem to learn best right now when we have a schedule,†versus “I think kids learn best with a schedule.â€

 

We make our choices based on our philosophies of learning, but sharing our global philosophies can be fraught, lol. I know my unschooling friends don’t share my philosophy, but years of homeschooling under my belt means it’s truth when I say I know what works for my family but not necessarily anyone else’s.