helpful suggestions please - possibly overwhelmed??

[Melissa in Australia]

I am in a not coping state. Possibly overwhelmed . I am spending about 40% of the day crying, 40 % in terrible rages/anger, 2% in hysterical laughter and the rest of the day feeling exhausted/down. I am just swinging from crying to anger and back again. I am scaring myself so I am sure it is worrying my family. 

 

What can I do? There is already a psychologist working with the family   She said I need time to myself ( she was the one that said I was overwhelmed). I am afraid I didn't talk very nice to her at all.

DH is taking 3 children camping overnight so I can have a few hours to myself. not sure if this will help though. I think I am stuck at the bottom of a well.

[Innisfree]

Hugs (((Melissa)))

 

What has the psychologist had to say about coping with the new arrival? Does she feel this situation is sustainable?

 

Because frankly if she'd told me I needed time to myself, given your situation, I might have headed out and left her with the kids.

 

More hugs.

[Isabella]

Hugs!!! It certainly sounds like you're overwhelmed. I don't know enough about your situation to make helpful suggestions, except to breathe deeply, lie down outside on the soil or grass. The soil contains natural antidepressant factors and it's surprising how it can help. Obviously setting up scheduled breaks from your stressors, and possibly some type of help. I've always got great help from energy healing modalities. The one I generally use is Theta healing. EFT is also quite helpful. Again hugs. Xxx

[Innisfree]

In an immediate sense, do you still have responsibility for any kids right this minute?

 

The crying and raging might be cathartic, if no kids are around to worry about. It might actually not be a bad thing.

 

Otherwise my thoughts go to the wide range of sensory calming techniques. Do you have a punching bag? Paper it's okay to shred? A tub to soak in?

 

Your frustration, anger and exhaustion are so incredibly legitimate. I hope the psych is helping you find some actual help and solutions.

[Melissa in Australia]

I really have no idea what the psychologist thought she was one of those vague ones that seemed to know everything before you said it and only asked questions to get you mad.  I got the impression that she was implying that everything was my fault - if I would just hug new arrival everything would be OK. Who knows it might have just been my extremely agitated state but I viewed her as the enemy. She did tell me I needed me time - I that is why DH is taking 3 children camping tomorrow night. (DH's idea, I am beyond  being able to think of solutions)

 

She was well briefed by case manager - who is no longer communicating with me except through emails. We are in a very difficult situation that is not going so great at all. having case manager's superviser ring me and tell me off including telling me I was hard-hearted really didn't help. that was 1 week ago and pushed me completely over the edge- that was when the crying started.

Edited March 19, 2017 by Melissa in Australia

[happi duck]

(hugs)

 

I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time.

 

(hugs)

[Innisfree]

Oh, Melissa, I'm so sorry.

 

Have they essentially abandoned you with this situation, then? Do they realize the severity? I mean, they knew all the problems from the start, didn't they?

[Melissa in Australia]

Oh, Melissa, I'm so sorry.

 

Have they essentially abandoned you with this situation, then? Do they realize the severity? I mean, they knew all the problems from the start, didn't they?

 

That is the thing. They keep telling me that there is no mention of all the problems in his file - implying that I am making it all up.

[Innisfree]

That is the thing. They keep telling me that there is no mention of all the problems in his file - implying that I am making it all up.

 

That is beyond absurd.

 

Are they trying to leave this problem with you, hoping they don't have to find a different solution?

 

It sounds to me as if you really have reached your limit. You can't destroy your own health and sanity.

[SKL]

I wish I had some suggestions.  The only thing I can suggest is to please ignore any stupid unkind things they say to you.  You have a long history of being a caring, responsive mom and you brought your twins around beautifully.  That is the truth about who you are.  Those people who don't know you don't get to define you.

 

Is there anyone in real life who would listen to you without judging?  It may be time to cash in on some listening time that some friend owes you.

 

Have you checked in with your doctor / chiropractor and seen to your physical health?  Any chance you are low on anything you need physically?

 

The way I would cope would probably be to sleep whenever there was a chance.  And do some yoga when I could get some quiet time.

[Guest]

I am so sorry. I don't know the backstory but I did look at previous posts and assume this is a foster care situation gone badly. (And that that is an understatement.)

 

"Overwhelmed" sounds to me like the most rational response you can have at the moment. Maybe the case worker should recognize that the real hard-hearted people are the ones like me who don't even TRY to do what you are doing.

 

Maybe some things just can't be done.

 

I have a godmother and a goddaughter deeply involved with fostering and they have seen it all. Including the situationnyou sound like you are in. It is heartbreaking...but it can't break everything else, too. You count too and so do the other kids.

 

It is so hard to see one so lost at so young an age. And yet...there has to be a way to keep the lostness from multiplying.

 

I will say a prayer for you at church tomorrow. With the two foster kids who HAVE been rescued by my godmother and a friend. You can't do everything--and you are doing something. Something GOOD.

[Rosie_0801]

I'm so sorry Melissa. 

 

There are some really, really, unspeakably nasty people in the system. 

 

 

You may have to deal with their lies, but you don't have to believe them.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I may be able to organise with my brother to look after our mother so I can come down for a couple of days, if that would help?

[Catwoman]

Tell them that new arrival has to go.

 

And he has to go now.

 

I'm so worried about you, Melissa. You can't live like this and it's not fair to the rest of your family to have a wife and mother who is miserable. You sound like you're close to having a real breakdown.

 

This situation is beyond unhealthy for you. You need to take care of yourself now.

 

It's not hard hearted to have reached your limit. You have done your best and now it's time to let someone else take care of the boy. Your own life and your own sanity are too important.

 

Please don't keep torturing yourself like this. It makes me cry to read your posts. I'm so worried. :crying:

[Catwoman]

I'm so sorry Melissa.

 

There are some really, really, unspeakably nasty people in the system.

 

 

You may have to deal with their lies, but you don't have to believe them. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I may be able to organise with my brother to look after our mother so I can come down for a couple of days, if that would help?

You are such a kind and generous person, Rosie. I wanted to like your post but I know you don't have a Like button any more.

[SKL]

If you tell them you are having a health crisis, will they take him or send you some real help?  Maybe that is what you need to do in order to get their attention.  :(

[Melissa in Australia]

I'm so sorry Melissa. 

 

There are some really, really, unspeakably nasty people in the system. 

 

 

You may have to deal with their lies, but you don't have to believe them.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I may be able to organise with my brother to look after our mother so I can come down for a couple of days, if that would help?

 

Thank you for your very kind offer Rosie.

 

 At the moment I am not in a state where I  to see people in real life. I am not able to regulate my emotions very well. I am not nice to be around.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I really have no idea what the psychologist thought she was one of those vague ones that seemed to know everything before you said it and only asked questions to get you mad.  I got the impression that she was implying that everything was my fault - if I would just hug new arrival everything would be OK. Who knows it might have just been my extremely agitated state but I viewed her as the enemy. She did tell me I needed me time - I that is why DH is taking 3 children camping tomorrow night. (DH's idea, I am beyond  being able to think of solutions)

 

She was well briefed by case manager - who is no longer communicating with me except through emails. We are in a very difficult situation that is not going so great at all. having case manager's superviser ring me and tell me off including telling me I was hard-hearted really didn't help. that was 1 week ago and pushed me completely over the edge- that was when the crying started.

 

 

That is the thing. They keep telling me that there is no mention of all the problems in his file - implying that I am making it all up.

 

 

 

I don't have enough expletives in my vocabulary to comment on the treatment you are receiving.  Wow.  

 

You are past your coping point and it is time to place that poor child back "in the system"- heartbreaking, yes, but not as heartbreaking as an entire family crumbling apart because mom is having an emotional breakdown.  Let them say those awful things, they are trying to manipulate you, but put this child back into the system and free up the energy and emotional reserves you need to put yourself back together.  

 

You have not been given the resources you need, the relief you need, or the support you need.  The situation is untenable.  It has nothing to do with love or hard-heartedness, or "digging deep" to come up with some magical hug therapy that will fix everything.  It is simply a fact that this placement cannot work.  It may be a very sad fact, but it is a clear and obvious fact.

 

I am so, so, so sorry this is happening to you. 

[Ottakee]

It is a terrible place you are in.....And secondary trauma is very very real....As is PTSD from the system.

 

If there was no mention of his issues previously WHY did they have to keep moving him??? Obviously there is/was reports but they do that want to admit it.

 

I think that it is time that a change of placement is made....For the safety and sanity of the entire family and the years of work you have done with the twins.

 

Often workers and counselors, etc have never lived this life. We had one young unmarried, no kids worker tell us "where there is smoke there is fire". Blaming us for something. Next time I see her my response is that " where there is smoke there are also firefighters and sometimes they get burned trying to fight the fire"

[abba12]

I'm so concerned for you... If there's anything us Aussie boardies can do, please say so. I wish we weren't all so far away. 

 

I'm not as quick to say put him back in the system, I gave my thoughts on that in the last thread. But you also cannot sacrifice the rest of the family and you cannot sacrifice the progress you've made with the twins for this boy either. As absolutely heartbreaking as it is to say.... he might be too far gone to save in this way. He's nearing the age where it's very hard to get through to a hurt child. Younger kids are still developing their thoughts, older kids can listen, they have a chance, but he's at the wrong age and... it's possible he's beyond the sort of help a foster family can give, and that's heart breaking and wrong, but it's not your fault. 

 

Don't let caseworker guilt you, they know what an amazing foster mother you are, you amazed them all with the twins, they never expected that progress! They KNOW it's not you. But if he's too hard for you to handle, he's beyond the scope of most other foster parents and they realise that, they have nowhere else to put him. That's absurd that the info isn't on record for him. 

 

It sounds like the psychologist is no help.... I've not have much success with psychologists and trauma, most just don't understand it well enough to be any help at all. I'm so sorry.... but ultimately, if he breaks you down, he harms you, and all your kids including his brothers. The hope of keeping the sibling group together is not worth destroying the progress of the twins. They have a chance at life now, 'spreading the burden' in the hopes new arrival might get better while making them worse helps no-one. 

 

You're in my prayers, and please, if there's anything at all us Aussie boardies can do, let us. If I lived closer I'd take them for respite! I assume that's not an option as I am interstate and they're foster kids... 

[Rosie_0801]

Thank you for your very kind offer Rosie.

 

 At the moment I am not in a state where I  to see people in real life. I am not able to regulate my emotions very well. I am not nice to be around.

 

Your call, of course, but I can cope with not nice. 

 

My life is not nice either. The thing I've been worried about for the last two years happened. Trauma and I are on a first name basis. 

[Melissa in Australia]

Rosie I â¤ï¸ you. You are such an understanding person.

[Ausmumof3]

I really have no idea what the psychologist thought she was one of those vague ones that seemed to know everything before you said it and only asked questions to get you mad. I got the impression that she was implying that everything was my fault - if I would just hug new arrival everything would be OK. Who knows it might have just been my extremely agitated state but I viewed her as the enemy. She did tell me I needed me time - I that is why DH is taking 3 children camping tomorrow night. (DH's idea, I am beyond being able to think of solutions)

 

She was well briefed by case manager - who is no longer communicating with me except through emails. We are in a very difficult situation that is not going so great at all. having case manager's superviser ring me and tell me off including telling me I was hard-hearted really didn't help. that was 1 week ago and pushed me completely over the edge- that was when the crying started.

I don't have anything to offer but wanted to send you a massive hug and say I'm so sorry about the way it sounds like you're being treated. Our care system sucks and I hope they start taking your concerns seriously.

[Ausmumof3]

Your call, of course, but I can cope with not nice.

 

My life is not nice either. The thing I've been worried about for the last two years happened. Trauma and I are on a first name basis.

:grouphug:

[aaplank]

What you are feeling is a very normal response for what you are dealing with. All your emotions echo what I felt when we were going through the hell of one kid with RAD who was bent on destroying our family, my oldest son in particular. We had him for one year, and 5 years later we are still picking up the pieces. I am still traumatized and I feel like pieces of my heart are crushed beyond repair.

 

At the time, people around me threw stones at me, suggesting that I was too hard on him, that I needed to relax, the agency who sent him to us abandoned us. I was completely alone in this psychological crisis. It came down to realizing that I could either save this kid, at the expense of destroying my biological kids, or destroy the kid to save my biological kids. Either option was soul killing.

 

In my head I knew that this boy, through no fault of his own, was born into a life and circumstances that caused this dynamic. He was/is deserving of a good life with parents who love him and root for him. I had to wrestle through the reality of the fact that we couldn't be that family for him. I could sacrifice my life and my kids lives on the altar of helping him, but it would never be enough. We could not repair the damage, even with the best of intentions and back-breaking effort. Some things are just broken, this side of heaven.

 

I implore you to seek out an expert in RAD. I implore you to search for other stories of parents who have dealt with RAD so that you know you are not alone. What you are experiencing, the emotions you feel, the lack of understanding from others are all part of the RAD package. I think it helps to put a name to the crazy.

 

This doesn't totally fit your situation and I don't know if you will be offended by the Christian message, but this trauma mama helped speak to my heart, and helped me feel less alone. http://outofshemind.com/2015/01/dear-adoptive-parents-hard-lonely-road/#comment-48892

 

You are in my prayers.

[Melissa in Australia]

Thank you aaplank. Your second paragraph is just about word for word what I told the twins play therapist. I really feel you understand where I am at the moment. Thank you for writing.

[bettyandbob]

 

First the agency dumped a major problem on your family and now are trying make you believe you might have caused it and that you haven't done enough.

 

They know this and won't even talk to you now. Who does email only when there's an immediate crisis?

 

The agency briefed the counselor you saw. So the counselor has the agency's viewpoint. This just further wrongs you because the counseling advice you are getting is based on the agency covering their a--es.

 

It sounds to me that you have to be done. You have to come to terms with having the child sent elsewhere. You have to accept that you didn't fail him. The agency failed they did not adequately prepare you. They did not give you adequate resources. Prior to you they never put adequate resources into this child.

 

It's time you gave yourself a break. You need to recover. You need to help the other children in your family recover. You are likely going to need counseling in your recovery. Hopefully, not by someone briefed by the agency.

[lmrich]

:grouphug:  

[Lanny]

Your title and the first sentence include the words possibly overwhelmed.   Those words are  a severe understatement. If I had not taken the time to read all of the replies, I would suggest that you go to a Psychiatrist, or possibly even consider checking yourself into a Psychiatric Hospital or the Psychiatric ward in a well-run hospital. Possibly, that would help you. However, I did take the time to read all of the responses and I now know that there is a Foster Child involved who is apparently causing most or all of the stress you are experiencing and that your family is experiencing.  No matter how well meaning you are, to sacrifice your own health (physical and mental), and the other members of your family, for this child that you are so desperately trying to help, is not something IMO that you should continue to do.  You need to contact the people in the Foster Care system, Monday morning, your time, and tell them to remove this boy from your home, and from your care/responsibility, immediately.  I know this is not how you wanted this  Foster care placement to work out, but this is the situation you must deal with. It sounds like if he is not out of your life, immediately, that it will totally destroy you and your family.  You are not God. You cannot walk on water. You cannot perform miracles. You must protect your Physical and Mental Health and that of your DH and  other DC.

[....]

If you tell them you are having a health crisis, will they take him or send you some real help?  Maybe that is what you need to do in order to get their attention.  :(

 

My friend did this and they came and removed the foster kids (which is what she wanted).

 

OP, I don't know anything about you, but I had something traumatic happen to me this past Christmas.  I was having similar problems - uncontrollable crying, panic attacks, etc.  I had a horrible panic attack in the car with the kids in it.   :(  Scared the *&^ out of the kids.  I was having tunnel-vision when we left the house (sounds weird, but I'm not kidding).  My mind kept replaying what happened over and over like a video or something.

 

It's almost April and I think I must've pressed the reset button, because all of that has finally stopped.  But, we went through Dec, Jan, Feb and part of March with that going on.

 

My dh was doing most of the childcare for awhile (that's probably what really helped).  I didn't cook for several weeks.  We took one big trip home (we're not from TX - we're actually from Illinois) and we hadn't been home in years.  We also took a bunch of mini-trips.  We took the kids hiking, went to the state parks, took the kids to the aquarium, etc.  Oldest dd and I repainted the main area of the house (Lol).  We painted it a light, happy color.  She even canceled hanging out with her friends to stay with me and paint.  

 

Anyway, that's what worked for us, I guess.  I feel much better.   :grouphug:   Sorry you are having a rough time. 

[Jenn in FL]

I don't have enough expletives in my vocabulary to comment on the treatment you are receiving.  Wow.  

 

You are past your coping point and it is time to place that poor child back "in the system"- heartbreaking, yes, but not as heartbreaking as an entire family crumbling apart because mom is having an emotional breakdown.  Let them say those awful things, they are trying to manipulate you, but put this child back into the system and free up the energy and emotional reserves you need to put yourself back together.  

 

You have not been given the resources you need, the relief you need, or the support you need.  The situation is untenable.  It has nothing to do with love or hard-heartedness, or "digging deep" to come up with some magical hug therapy that will fix everything.  It is simply a fact that this placement cannot work.  It may be a very sad fact, but it is a clear and obvious fact.

 

I am so, so, so sorry this is happening to you. 

 

It is impossible to "like" this rational, realistic, and "right on" post enough!  

 

Thank you Monica, for being so kind to Melissa and for speaking the hard truth!!!  :grouphug:

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

The system and his biological parents failed this child, not you.  You tried very hard to help.  You got the twins early enough to make real progress.  This child needed something else, something that may not even be available in a regular foster home.  He needs intense, one on one, round the clock specialized care.  You have others who need you.  They all need you.  There is only so much of you to go around.  You aren't "possibly" overwhelmed.  You are absolutely overwhelmed, and understandably so. You have been carrying so many burdens for so long.  Many people would have cracked long before this.  Mental health is very, very important and the situation is damaging yours.  It is untenable.

 

Why is the system abandoning you and this child?  As others have said, they  1. Are aware that he has been moved over and over and if he gets moved again they will probably not be able to place him.  2.  Don't want to have to deal with placing him again.  3.  Don't have the training and experience to REALLY get what this child is putting your family through.  This is not a hug him a lot and it will all be better scenario.  It hasn't been that since he was an infant.  That is what he needed when he was born.  Now he needs a whole, whole, whole lot more.  Way more than any one person with other children that need care could possibly provide.

 

You tried.  This is not a failure on your part.  You really tried.  Please don't let them get in your head.   Your body is telling you that you are at your limit.  Beyond your limit.  Listen.  Please.  Before it is too late.  Turn him back over to the system.  If you had no other children, especially no other fragile children that need you desperately and do have a fighting chance in your household, then I might feel differently.  Maybe with a lot of external support you could turn this around.  That is not the case, though.  You DO have other children, including two who suffered a lot and had significant damage when they came to you.  

 

Please don't destroy the good that you have done with the twins.  Don't destroy your own mental and physical health.  Don't harm the rest of your family trying to save this boy. It breaks my heart to write that and it breaks my heart that these poor kids were dealt the life they were given.  But that isn't your fault.  You did not cause the issues they are having. That happened long before they came to your house. You have a real chance with the twins because of all the work you have put into caring for them and because of their age when they came to you.  Help them.  Help you.  Please put the older child back in the system while there is still enough of you left to recover and provide the care your other children so desperately need.

Edited March 19, 2017 by OneStepAtATime

[unsinkable]

Melissa,

 

I am so very sorry. I wish I could help. I echo others in saying, you aren't failing if the boy can't cope in your family. The best thing for everyone would be a different home.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Please, if you have thoughts or plans of hurting yourself, call emergency services.

[Seasider]

(((Melissa)))

 

I agree with so many - you did not fail! you have received great advice already. The child needs to be removed from your home. You may have been willing to give him everything you've got, all your physical and emotional energy, but it's not fair to the others who need you in their lives, too.

 

Part of me wonders if being with his own siblings has somehow triggered him, and caused his behavior to escalate even beyond what has been reported from his previous placements. Still, that's no excuse for them to abandon you. He needs to be removed from your home, soon. It staggers me that anyone could make you feel like his behavior is your fault and step away from helping you.

Edited March 19, 2017 by Seasider

[ktgrok]

If they won't acknowledge all the issues right now, can you say you are having a health crisis, like someone said, and put him in a respite situation for a week? Just a week to get your bearing so you can breathe and think clearly and then attack this again with them?

 

But you are NOT cold hearted! After all you've done with the twins?????? For taking this boy in at all????

 

Your health is now at risk as is the health of your other children. You need them to take him, if only short term. 

 

Also, can you ring your regular doctor and see about some anti anxiety medication in the short term, while you deal with this?

[Pink and Green Mom]

That is the thing. They keep telling me that there is no mention of all the problems in his file - implying that I am making it all up.

 

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I remember always being in awe of you and what you went through for your 5 year olds.  Many, many :grouphug: to you.

[bethben]

My friend was in a very similar adoption situation where her body chemicals changed to the point she started to smell differently. She smelled like fear. Eventually, they had to essentially dissolve the adoption. As a result, my friend will always tell people to not adopt regardless of the circumstance.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[OneStepAtATime]

1. Agreeing that temporary respite care right now might buy you some time to get your bearings.  Push for this if you possibly can.  Is there any place that could safely take the boy for at least a few hours a day while you try to get healthier and in a better place to make decisions?  
2. Also, have your doctor run blood work to see if anything is off that can be addressed physically to help you right now as you decide what to do.   Look into anti-depressants, too.  
3. And I also agree that maybe being with the younger siblings again has possibly triggered old patterns and escalated behavior.

But mostly I just want to send more  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: .

 

I wish the Hive could wrap you in a big cocoon of love and protection and hold you for as long as you needed while you healed.

[Carol in Cal.]

 

 

My life is not nice either. The thing I've been worried about for the last two years happened. Trauma and I are on a first name basis. 

Oh no, horrible to hear this.

[wintermom]

It sounds like you could really use an advocate on your side. Can you find a lawyer to be the contact person on your behalf? If they aren't going to listen to you or communicate directly with you, then you can do the same. I'd want to protect myself and my wards in this situation.

Edited March 19, 2017 by wintermom

[Word Nerd]

No advice, but I hope someone is able to help you get out of that well and offer real help. It's outrageous that the case manager and the supervisor are willing to do whatever makes the case easier for the case manager to deal with instead of focusing on what the family needs.

[zoobie]

You are having a mental health crisis. You need to seek treatment for yourself. Your husband taking 3 kids camping is him escaping from the real crisis of the moment, which is your mental health.

 

The state counselor works for the system. She does not work for you, and she is not your advocate. They are trying to keep the current status quo for the child because they have no other ideas. You did not create the child's issues. You are not at fault for being unable to solve his problems.

 

You are one human being, and you seem to be a very selfless human being. Perhaps too selfless. You have taken what everyone has dumped on you for your entire life. You are in crisis now. You need to find the strength you have used for everyone else's stuff over the years and save yourself. You know in an airplane crisis, the parent (ALWAYS pictured as a mother, you notice that?) is supposed to put her own air mask on first, then fasten the children's masks. Do you have anyone who will help you? You know in your heart who won't even if they should. If there is someone who will, call them. If it's Rosie, call her. Because you need oxygen and you need it NOW. :grouphug:

[zoobie]

Your call, of course, but I can cope with not nice. 

 

My life is not nice either. The thing I've been worried about for the last two years happened. Trauma and I are on a first name basis. 

 

I'm so sorry for your trauma, Rosie. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

Melissa, what does your dh think about all of this? I keep thinking that if I were in your situation and was feeling the way you're feeling, my dh would say that enough was enough and he would pack new arrival into the car and take him back to social services. Dh would be far more concerned about my mental and emotional health and the impact of the child on out entire family than on keeping the child in our home and continuing this cycle of misery for the family.

 

As zoobie already posted, your dh taking a few of the kids away for a few days isn't going to help you long term. It doesn't sound like it's helping at all.

 

You are in a very bad state right now, and everyone here is so worried about you. We have all "known" you here for a long time and we know what a good person you are, and we also know what your regular "voice" sounds like -- and your voice has been changing since the boy moved into your home. You're almost a different person. You're exhausted and you're sad and you seem so defeated and seriously depressed, and that's not the Melissa we know.

 

We want you back. We want you to get back to being the positive person you were. You can't do that with new arrival in your home. It's not his fault that he's the way he is, but you can't fix him, and he's destroying you and damaging your whole family.

 

Seriously, go back and read some of your older posts from several months ago, and then read your posts in this thread. See the changes, right there in writing. And then please, please, please do whatever it takes to have the boy removed from your home so you can start getting back to being the old you.

 

I can't even describe how concerned I am about you. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

Your call, of course, but I can cope with not nice.

 

My life is not nice either. The thing I've been worried about for the last two years happened. Trauma and I are on a first name basis.

Oh no, Rosie. I hope it's not what I'm thinking. :crying:

 

I know I'm halfway around the world from you, but if there is anything I can do, anything at all, please let me know.

 

I'm so sorry. :grouphug:

[Guest]

:grouphug:  to you and Rosie both. 

[Lanny]

In posts 41 and 43 in this thread, you got some excellent advice. Those are just the most recent posts giving you excellent advice. You MUST return this boy, immediately. On Monday morning (your time)you and your DH need to  take him to the CPS office and leave him there. That seems cruel, but I do not see any other way for you to end this situation immediately.

[MercyA]

Melissa and Rosie, I am so sorry for what you're both going through. I know most of us are far away, but if there is anything we can do individually or as a group for either of you, don't hesitate to let us know. 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: and prayers.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I just want to let you know I'm sending positive thoughts and hoping the best for every single one of you...and I hope you can ignore all the horrible lies and accusations.

 

If there's one thing I know about horribly hard times, it's that there's always somebody to willfully misunderstand, blame, and wrongly advise. When that somebody is in a position of authority, it can feel almost impossible to withstand the onslaught.

 

But if you could somehow be objective -- stand off to the side and look at this situation as if it were happening to someone else -- the lies would be SO obvious:

 

If you really were all that they say, you wouldn't even still be there, to yell at! ONLY a person who gives well past the breaking point would even be facing this problem. Selfish people, or people who don't try, are not exactly the ones signing up to do what you do every single day, that you've done for a LONG time. If the lies were true, you wouldn't be there to hear them.

 

If you could just say, either mentally for your own benefit or out loud, "Stop lying to me. Your lies don't define me. Here are my decisions," and carry on with whatever's right, as if the devil himself wasn't after you...maybe you could get to the next stage sooner. I don't know. You probably need an advocate to say it FOR you, so I'm going to put my positive energies into hoping that person will materialize today. Somebody must tell them all to go to hell, so something can change.

 

 

 

 

Lastly, if my world was broken and I was in so much trouble that I couldn't even recognize myself, one person whom I would definitely let into the house would be Rosie. She is wise and eminently real, and knows how to be with a person in trouble. I hope you will reconsider letting her help you. <3

[ktgrok]

Just hugs and love to both you and Rosie. I respect and admire you both so much, and hate to see either of your hurting. 

[MomatHWTK]

If they really thought you were making things up, they wouldn't leave a child in your care. I'm so sorry you are dealing with people who won't do their jobs. And, as others have said, you have to see to your mental health.  :grouphug: