What is a typical curfew for a 17-year old?

[Greta]

For a week night? Weekend?

 

My husband and I have no frame of reference for this because his parents let him run wild, and mine were so strict that I wasn't allowed to have any social life at all. So, looking for a healthier balance here. :)

[RoughCollie]

Ours was 11 on Fridays and Saturdays, and 9:30 on school nights. My thinking was that the kids would be off the roads by the time most of the drunks were driving on weekends.

[Tanaqui]

My mother's rule was that we had to call by a reasonable hour, which was usually around 10, with a follow-up at 11 or 12 to let her know either that we were heading home and how long we expected to be, or a good reason we were not heading home. (Like an impromptu sleepover at a friend's house, or once I got stuck in Queens due to a train delay.)

[6packofun]

Weeknights midnight, weekends 1 a.m.  But we're night people.  :)  Mine was 11 on school nights, I remember.

[Guest]

I didn't have a curfew, but rather we played it by ear and event. If I had a theater thing then 11-midnight wasn't unusual even on a weeknight. But in general we didn't plan things beyond 9:00-ish. Late night hangouts or SCA events on weekends also didn't have a curfew, they just went as late as needed.

 

It more depends on the kid - I was one who was almost always home in the evenings except for events or sleepovers with my good friends. Wasn't an abuser of curfew or time out. I had some siblings who did like to party and regularly tried to be out more and later and they did tend to have basic curfews to keep them out of trouble. But with a generally good and responsible kid who isn't out all the time? Flexibility comes with trust, and a kid who has proven themselves trustworthy earns more freedom in my book :)

Edited January 19, 2017 by Arctic Mama

[diplomum]

No specific curfew. The rule is to let us know where you're going, who you're with, what time you plan to be home, and how you're getting home. If any of those change, let us know. The over 18s still do 1 and 3 if they're home for holidays, and honestly I still send my Dad a text if we're traveling so he knows where we are, even though I'm well into my forties. If schoolwork were suffering or I could see obvious over-tiredness, I'd make my case for an earlier night, but at 17 I don't need or want control of their sleep needs unless it is negatively impacting their health or the family. Keeping me informed is a matter of respect, emergency communication, and just so I don't worry.

[Anne in CA]

We've never had a cut and dried time. It depends upon what they are doing and what a reasonable time to be home is.

[PeacefulChaos]

Disclaimer: I have not yet had a 17 year old.  I'm only speaking from when I was a 17 year old, 17 years ago.  :lol:

 

I didn't have a specific curfew.  It always varied by what we were planning on doing, and with me keeping my grandparents aware of where I was.  

Movie at 7 or 8?  Ok, call if you decide to go somewhere after.  I call after, say we're heading Plank (our local dive restaurant that was seriously disgusting if you saw it during the day :lol: - but hey, it's where we all were!) and she's like, Ok, be home at 11/12 usually.  Somewhere in there.  At least an hour or two after my calling her.

If I decided to go out (to the same place lol) after closing shift at work (weekends/summers - she was stricter during the week), it was later because it started later.  

I didn't have a curfew on prom night because they weren't expecting me home.  A friend was having a huge campout/party at her house all night afterwards.  However, I ended up bored out of my mind, so I left at 3.  :lol:

 

 

Anyway, I've always kind of figured we'd do a sort of a situational thing like what they did.  I think DH's parents were similar, and if not, I think he'll go along with my plan anyway.  :lol: :lol: :lol: :D

[gardenmom5]

I had no curfew.

My kids had no curfew - BUT . . . they didn't stay out late.  I'd expect a student to be home by 11pm at the very latest during the week.  weekend, I *might* go as late as 1am.  it really depends what's going on.

 

my kids didn't stay out late.  but, they did have special occasions when they would.  those were always discussed beforehand.  if they were working, that's another consideration.

[AK_Mom4]

Depended on what was going on. School nights 9pm unless there was sports or an activity running late. Weekends - be home by midnight or there needed to be a call or text to let me know they were staying out later. Summers we get pretty lax because it's light so late that it's not uncommon for 11pm games of frisbee golf or baseball.

[Joker]

We don't have a curfew. It depends on what's going on.

 

I had a strict curfew (that I broke every chance I could) and dh had none.

 

So, sometimes they are home by ten and other times after midnight. If they are going to be out late, we know why and where they are and we've not had any problems.

[redsquirrel]

I never had a curfew, I just had to let my mom know where I was and who I was with. I was a trustworthy kid, and while I may not have always been totally honest with her, I was never drinking or anything like that. 

 

With my current, about to be 17 year old, it's never come up, lol. He is usually home in the evenings and if he isn't then he is at a friends and is home by 10 or so. But, if he had a place to be I would expect him home on a friday or saturday by...midnight? Im probably going to have to pick him up so it had better not be too late, lol. On a weeknight he had better be home after ballet, which is 7-9pm.  He has homework to do.

 

If he had a special thing, like a show on a friday night then I would expect him to be home when it was over. If he wanted to go out for ice cream with friends that would be fine as long as he told us.  It's a small city, they can walk everywhere, and I can always track him via "find my iphone"

[Suzanne in ABQ]

We never instituted a curfew for either of our teens (now 19 and 20).  We just said that if they gave us reason to have a curfew, we would.  They never did.  Dd rarely went anywhere, and when she did, she'd generally spend the night.  Ds was always home by 11 or 12, and he knew I would be waiting up until he got there.  If I was tired earlier than that, I'd text him and tell him I wanted to go to bed, and he'd come right home.  They never gave us reason to have a curfew, so we didn't.  By 17, if figured they were so close to being a legal adult, they could make their own choices.  I knew too many young adults who went crazy the first chance they got once they went to college or got out on their own.  I wanted the transition to be smoother than that, so that staying out late would really be no big deal.

[Anne]

My kids never had a curfew, per se. I always knew where they were going, who they would be with and when they expected to be home. They knew to call me if they were going to change venues, companions or arrival times....

 

But I never had to deal with kids who were out late partying. I'm sure that might have changed my approach.

 

Anne

[Tap]

Ds21 never had a curfew.  

 

DD18 needs one (her own admission) because otherwise she will stay out all night, every night. LOL  She almost always comes home late, so I tell her a curfew about 30 minutes before I really want her home.  She knows that she can be 15 minutes late with zero consequence, any later and I would like a call to let me know she is going to be late.  It is a good compromise for both of us (I don't stress and she doesn't speed to make a curfew).  During the week her standard curfew is 11pm and 12 on the weekend.  Any later, she needs to get permission.  I pretty much always extend it to 1am on a weekend or late start day, but she has to be settled in somewhere and not running around. I prefer her to be home before 1:30am due to bars closing.   Her boyfriend has no curfew, so quite often they come here after her curfew time and he goes home whenever (often 2 or 3 am on weekends).   

Edited January 19, 2017 by Tap

[Reefgazer]

My parents and DH's parents didn't hold us to curfews.  DD is 14 and we have no curfew for her, and I likely will not ever have a curfew for her.  As long as she maintains her schoolwork properly, stays out of trouble, and I know where she is and what she is doing, she can use her own judgment on staying out.  We do not allow sleepovers in other people's homes (but her friends can sleep over here), so her staying out overnight is unlikely to be an issue.  If that ever becomes an issue, I'll have to address it then.

[Pawz4me]

Another one who doesn't believe in curfews. I see no purpose other than to perhaps make a teen speed to get home. We have/had basic courtesy rules--let somebody know in general where you're going and when you kinda sorta expect to be home. Contact someone if that changes significantly. That always worked well enough for us, and when DS21 went off to college he had a full understanding of what too much lack of sleep does to him. He was able to draw on experience instead of going crazy w/o mom and dad present to enforce a curfew. But then we're a bit abnormal in that area anyway--we let our kids start managing their own bed times before they were ten.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I only had curfews when I had to be somewhere early the next day.  So a school night I'd have to be home at a reasonable time.  There was never a specific set time, but more of a case by case basis.

 

Part of my time as being 17, I had graduated from high school.  So at that point I had no curfew.

 

 

Edited January 19, 2017 by SparklyUnicorn

[Ravin]

I was another one who operated on "depends on what you are doing." I worked late (10PM weekdays, as late as 1 AM weekends) and my parents didn't wait up. I plan on the same for DD unless her behavior gives some reason for tighter supervision.

 

However, there are municipal curfews here that she will have to stay within. Midnight-5AM for 16-17yo. That is actually very easy as "have prior permission from your parent or guardian and are engaged in reasonable, legitimate, and specific business and/or activity" is an allowed exception, along with employment, emergency, reasonable exercise of first amendment rights, etc. Really, so many exceptions that as long as they aren't busted doing something they ought not (drinking, smoking, drugs, criminal activity), it's not likely to be enforced.

[SparklyUnicorn]

It really HAD to be case by case.  Sometimes a school basketball game could get out quite late, for example.  My parents didn't forbid me to go because it got out late.

 

My mother was very unpredictable though and she would sometimes just randomly decide that I shouldn't be allowed to go out on school nights ever.  You know, so my grades wouldn't suffer.  I was an A student and never got in trouble.  So once she did that and I up and left the house and didn't come home all night.  To this day I don't regret that.  She was being ridiculous and I was tired of being the brunt of her irrational decisions.

 

 

[fourisenough]

Ours was 11 on Fridays and Saturdays, and 9:30 on school nights. My thinking was that the kids would be off the roads by the time most of the drunks were driving on weekends.

This is ours, but the rationale is that my DH and I go to bed early, so the teens need to be home early enough that waiting up for them is not disruptive to our schedule. Also, nothing good happens after 11!

[bettyandbob]

Decided by each event. Always state where and what of the evening.

[The Girls' Mom]

All of ours have a 10:30 curfew, even the 20 year old.  As stated in another thread recently, it is impossible to come home without waking everyone up because of the dog, so dh wants them all home by then.

Most of the friends of my younger two (kids that range from 16 to 19) have similar curfews.  

ETA:  It is flexible for certain events that they know will run later, and the 20 year old has the instructions to find a friend's house to crash at if she's going to be later.  So hers isn't really a curfew, just a "Please don't wake up everyone because you want to stay out late."

Edited January 19, 2017 by The Girls' Mom

[Guest]

I don't have curfews, either; it is decided by the necessity of the event and that child's general behavior. If I had to say a number out of thin air, I would say around 11 on weeknights and about midnight on the weekends. But homework or other tasks would have to be completed, for example, so it would just depend on what the kid wants/needs to do.

[HomeAgain]

I have a 17yo.  He doesn't have a curfew.  He has a safety policy instead.  I need to know where he is and what his plans are.  I need to know who he's with.  I think the latest he has come home has been around midnight but that was because of sports.

[Rebel Yell]

No curfews here.

 

Time to be home depends on the event. Going to see a friend's show at a theater an hour away with an 8:00 curtain time? Then going for late night dinner after? Could be 1am or later. Bored and going to get Dunkin Donuts on a school night? 10ish.

 

Until SweetChild turns 18, the state teen driver law says she has to be off the road by 11. WE ALL HATE THIS! Sometimes, 11 is just too early. But if she wants to drive, 11 it is. Otherwise, she can stay out as late as a parent or driver-over-18 is willing to be out with her or go out to fetch her.

 

Her BF (16) has to be home at 9:30 on school nights. Weekend time to be home seems to vary depending on activity. BabyBaby's BF (15) has to be home somewhere around 10pm on school nights. 11ish otherwise, depending on driver availability.

 

We have no limits on how late a guest can stay at the house. A boyfriend must leave at some point, but so far, it has never been an issue since. Neither of the BFs can drive themselves and even if they could, wouldn't be able to drive after 11 anyway.

 

Our rules are: parents have to know the plan for the night. Check in at least once, or post cute pictures on your snapchat story so I can see you're OK. If anything major changes, such as location, timeline, passengers or drivers, we need to know. Follow all speed limits and traffic laws. ZERO tolerance for texting while driving, including snapchat, videos, etc. I do have the contact info for frequent passengers so I can get in touch if needed. I've only used them maybe three times, when SweetChild forgot to check in.

[DawnM]

No curfew.  As long as you respond to our text communications when we start to get worried, I know where  you are, who you are with, and a somewhat expected time to expect you (with communication if that time can't be met) I am good.

 

So far, we have had no reason to be concerned.  We know their friends and their friends' families.

[foxbridgeacademy]

Our town has a curfew for minors, 11 on weekdays 12 on weekends. There's some provision for being out later with parents expressed permission but unless it's for a special event or work related, I like those hours.  They either need to be home or at a friends settled for the night (phone calls letting me know what's going on is required too, of course)  I'm a very permissive parent (especially around 16-17 and up) but it's not their actions/behaviors I'm really worried about, it's the people on the road and in the places they might go.

 

ETA: this only applies to them running around alone or in small underage groups.  If they're with other parents or at scheduled events that I pick them up from then no curfew.    

Edited January 19, 2017 by foxbridgeacademy

[regentrude]

My 17 y/os do not have a curfew (besides the rule for new drivers that they must not drive between 1am and 5am for the first 6 mos.)

 

If 16 y/o DD was out past 1am, she had to stay over at her friend's until morning.

My 17 y/o DS drives to the city for sports two nights per week and does not get home until midnight.

 

I just want to know where they are.

 

Actually, at 17 my DD lived in another city for college and I have no idea what time she got home.

Edited January 19, 2017 by regentrude

[G5052]

No firm curfew here either for 17 y.o., although I want to know if they're going to be home after 10pm and why.

[regentrude]

. Also, nothing good happens after 11!

 

That is a very odd statement. 

Past 11pm, my kids are: driving home from sports, studying in the library, watching broadcasts of sports events with friends, hanging out talking about books.... Late evening does not mean kids are up to no good.

[QueenCat]

We don't do curfews here. It's pretty much case by case, based on what's going on. And if child generally told me that event ended at 10 but then called or texted that they were going out for a bite to eat and he'd be later, that's fine.

[Scarlett]

That is a very odd statement.

Past 11pm, my kids are: driving home from sports, studying in the library, watching broadcasts of sports events with friends, hanging out talking about books.... Late evening does not mean kids are up to no good.

It isn't that odd of a statement. Have you never heard it? In general the later kids stay out the more trouble they get into. Of course this varies because they might actually have something going on like coming home from a late movie or finishing up a project.

 

So with ds I do insist he comes home by 9:30 ish mostly because he needs to not be sleep deprived when he drives 30 min to vo tech the next morning and I have to have sleep myself. His weekends are just as busy. He gets up at 6:30 during the week for school and 6 on Saturday for a day of volunteering. Sunday he 'sleeps in' until 8 before services.

 

He has really good friends that I trust a lot. Some young adults and a few other teens his age. If he calls and is in the middle of something I am not hard and fast about his curfew. We don't even use that word. Life 360 is helpful to me to know where he is.

[bettyandbob]

Part of my issue with curfew is it suggests a blank check to just be out. My kids needed to tell me what they were doing and with whom. That's why curfew was set by event. No one ever took the car keys or just ran out the door. The key is they tell me the plan. And they have a cell phone which is charged and left on. Nothing is stopping them from lying about their plans for the evening, but my experience with my dc was they did not lie. 

 

Sometimes dd was out on weeknights until 12 because of rehearsals. Sometimes she went to a Saturday movie that ended at 10 and had no  other plan (she could call when the movie was over and say she and friends were going to the diner for shakes after, but initially she'd be expected to be home after the movie). 

[Guest]

No curfew. Better to do a case-by-case basis.

 

Ex:

 

What time does the concert end? Oh, 11:00? Okay. What do you plan to do afterwards? Oh, hang out at the carhop with your friends and grab a bite to eat? Okay, so how about I expect you home by 1:00? Does that sound reasonable? Text me of you're going to be later than that.

 

Honestly, by 17 they are well on their way to adulthood. I personally think they ought to be managing their own time by that age.

Edited January 19, 2017 by Kinsa

[DesertBlossom]

Along the same lines as other posters, my curfew growing up was "when the activity is over it's time to come home." So it really depending on what we were doing. Many of my friends did have curfews, so things tended to end in time for them to get home anyway.

Edited January 19, 2017 by DesertBlossom

[bettyandbob]

This is just my observation based on the small sample of kids I knew growing up and my dc's peers. However, in my observation the kids with strict curfews and inflexible rules were the ones looking for ways around such rules and finding their way into things that might not be the best place to be. Lots of lies of omission going on "I didn't lie, I just didn't tell her everything."  They stay ot until curfew or beyond rather than come home early simply because curfew is a hard line. 

 

For a time my dd and I worked at the same place. Many of dd's coworkers imagined I was super controlling as a parent. (I suspect this had to do with my expectations for workplace behavior from them) Anyway, throughout the 3 years we worked at the same place dd shared with me her coworkers surprise when they found out I allowed her to do various things. I guess they couldn't separate the supervisor personality from the possibility that I could be a mom with flexible expectations. During that time I also overheard some of the many ways kids get around parent rules. 

 

So, I like no curfew, but clear communication approach. 

[AmandaVT]

DS is 8, so I have no parental experience with curfews. What my parents did was just want to know what we were doing, who with and what time we expected to be home. My friends had strict curfews, so I would come home after they went home because I had nothing to do. :-) We never did anything exciting in high school though - bowling alley, movies, coffee, etc. 

[Greta]

Thank you all so much. I appreciate the perspective. Dd is VERY responsible and trustworthy (much more than I was at her age) so that's not really the concern. The concern is more the other people out there -- we live in a city with a high crime rate, high drunk driving rate, etc. Also, dd does not drive yet, and has no wish to learn, so it's not so much a curfew as it is a question of how late *I* should be willing to go pick her up. I should have mentioned that in my OP because it does change the dynamic somewhat.

 

Last night, I had to go pick her up earlier than what she wanted to be picked up, because my husband felt it was late enough. So I was thinking that a curfew decided beforehand would give everyone (even hubby!) clear expectations so that we could avoid future disappointments.

 

But you all make a very good point that at 17 she is almost a legal adult, and adults don't have curfews. They let their loved ones know where they'll be and when to expect them back. That makes a lot more sense to me. And she is definitely mature enough to do that responsibly. She doesn't socialize all that often, so personally I lean toward giving her flexibility when she does. DH is extremely protective of her (and of me!) so that complicates things. :)

 

Thank you all again!

[SparklyUnicorn]

That is a very odd statement. 

Past 11pm, my kids are: driving home from sports, studying in the library, watching broadcasts of sports events with friends, hanging out talking about books.... Late evening does not mean kids are up to no good.

 

old wives tale

 

Although I hate the phrase old wives tale.  But it gets my point out quickly so there it is.

[regentrude]

old wives tale

 

Although I hate the phrase old wives tale.  But it gets my point out quickly so there it is.

 

Probably also a conflation of correlation and causality.

Kids whose parents don't care to parent are more likely to run around at all hours and are also more likely to get in trouble. One does not necessarily cause the other.

[Scarlett]

Thank you all so much. I appreciate the perspective. Dd is VERY responsible and trustworthy (much more than I was at her age) so that's not really the concern. The concern is more the other people out there -- we live in a city with a high crime rate, high drunk driving rate, etc. Also, dd does not drive yet, and has no wish to learn, so it's not so much a curfew as it is a question of how late *I* should be willing to go pick her up. I should have mentioned that in my OP because it does change the dynamic somewhat.

 

Last night, I had to go pick her up earlier than what she wanted to be picked up, because my husband felt it was late enough. So I was thinking that a curfew decided beforehand would give everyone (even hubby!) clear expectations so that we could avoid future disappointments.

 

But you all make a very good point that at 17 she is almost a legal adult, and adults don't have curfews. They let their loved ones know where they'll be and when to expect them back. That makes a lot more sense to me. And she is definitely mature enough to do that responsibly. She doesn't socialize all that often, so personally I lean toward giving her flexibility when she does. DH is extremely protective of her (and of me!) so that complicates things. :)

 

Thank you all again!

My life got much easier when ds started driving. I hated having t driving 15 min into town to get him when I was ready for bed. Sometimes friends would bring him home....but much easier that he can drive. I still want him home before I go to sleep,but at least I can be ready for bed and watching tv or whatever.

[Greta]

My life got much easier when ds started driving. I hated having t driving 15 min into town to get him when I was ready for bed. Sometimes friends would bring him home....but much easier that he can drive. I still want him home before I go to sleep,but at least I can be ready for bed and watching tv or whatever.

Yes, I can imagine! I was fine at first with her choice not to drive, because I'm more than happy to drive her. But it does have its complications and my concern is that at some point she's going to be getting rides from friends who might be less capable/responsible than she is.

[regentrude]

Yes, I can imagine! I was fine at first with her choice not to drive, because I'm more than happy to drive her. But it does have its complications and my concern is that at some point she's going to be getting rides from friends who might be less capable/responsible than she is.

 

That is one of the major reasons we taught our kids to drive as early as possible. If they drive, I know they have been taught well and are responsible. I don't want them to be in the position to have to rely on less responsible, or less thoroughly instructed, friends for transportation.

 

[JFSinIL]

Depends on the kid, the activity, and local laws. Here, 16 year olds, for example, out past a certain hour must be able to show, if stopped, that they were coming home from a job or church etc. function.

[Rebel Yell]

This is ours, but the rationale is that my DH and I go to bed early, so the teens need to be home early enough that waiting up for them is not disruptive to our schedule. Also, nothing good happens after 11!

 

 

 

That is a very odd statement. 

Past 11pm, my kids are: driving home from sports, studying in the library, watching broadcasts of sports events with friends, hanging out talking about books.... Late evening does not mean kids are up to no good.

I know some parents who go to bed before 9pm, and I couldn't imagine making a 17-18 year old senior be home before 9:00 for the sole reason that their parents have to go to bed. One of the BFs parents are early-to-bed people, so as long as they don't have to provide transportation (or supervision at their house) he can stay out later.

 

And PLENTY of good and even great hangs happen after 11, just like any time of day. Bad things happen during the day, too.

[Pawz4me]

That is a very odd statement. 

Past 11pm, my kids are: driving home from sports, studying in the library, watching broadcasts of sports events with friends, hanging out talking about books.... Late evening does not mean kids are up to no good.

 

Really?

 

It's very common around here, although normally it's stated as "Nothing good happens after midnight." And I have said it to my own kids more than a few times. Not in the literal sense but in the sense of "lots of bad crap happens very late at night that could be avoided if one were home sleeping." 

[Julie Smith]

I never had one.

 

Once or twice I had friends stay over till the am. But since were playing board games and once watching the sound of music, parents didn't seem to mind.

[Wheres Toto]

For my oldest her school night (she went to public school) curfew was 10pm unless something was going on.  She rarely went out on school nights unless it was a school or dance function.  She had dance 6 days a week until 9:30/10:00pm.

 

On weekends/non school nights, it was midnight unless something was going on.  The something could be a party at a friends house, a party at school, a dance, celebrating a birthday, a sleep-over, had to catch a later movie than expected.  It didn't matter what it was, just that we knew what was going on.

 

At that age, NJ only allows new drivers to drive until 11pm, so that also had an effect.  If she took her car, she had to be home before the restrictions started.  If she knew she would be later, she had to get a ride.

 

ETA:  I guess it wasn't so much a curfew as those were the times she could be out without us knowing every detail about what she was doing.  Past that, I needed a heads-up especially if she needed a ride.

Edited January 19, 2017 by Where's Toto?

[Scarlett]

Really?

 

It's very common around here, although normally it's stated as "Nothing good happens after midnight." And I have said it to my own kids more than a few times. Not in the literal sense but in the sense of "lots of bad crap happens very late at night that could be avoided if one were home sleeping."

Yes specially if they are in the city. If they are playing board games at their friends house less problems are likely.