Carrie12345 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Generally speaking, I feel it depends on the event/activity. But, as my kids get closer to the whole driving thing, it is possible that we'll have some driving curfews. Our immediate area is all dark, winding roads with fairly high speed limits and an overabundance of wildlife. I could go out right now and probably pass at least 3 deer carcasses between here and the grocery. Maybe half a dozen since the rain's let up and the temperature is kind of mild. The majority of my kids' friends live 15-30 miles away, so the routes include several stretches of highway notorious for lethal accidents, usually involving tractor trailers. I'm not worried about sex and alcohol anywhere near as much as I worry about young, tired, and/or distracted drivers, so I'll likely volunteer as chauffeur as much as possible, and set early drive times otherwise. Or just let them stay where they are. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 We didn't have a set time for either dss or ds as it depended on the activity. Generally though, 11 on school nights and 1 a.m. on weekends or other non-school nights. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 The rule is to let us know where you're going, who you're with, what time you plan to be home, and how you're getting home. If any of those change, let us know. The over 18s still do 1 and 3 if they're home for holidays, My 19 yo lives at home while attending college locally. He lets me know out of courtesy where he's going and what time he expects to be home. He also texts me if things change and he's going to be later than planned. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I know some parents who go to bed before 9pm... Gee... I don't know ANYONE who fits THAT profile... *cough cough me cough cough* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 DD went to a New Year's Eve party this year, but since she doesn't drive (and we don't allow sleepovers anyway), the limiting time for the activity was how tired I was going to be and when I had to get up the next day. So I told DD that I had to pick her up by 12:30 am. Compromises based on other family members aren't unreasonable. Thank you all so much. I appreciate the perspective. Dd is VERY responsible and trustworthy (much more than I was at her age) so that's not really the concern. The concern is more the other people out there -- we live in a city with a high crime rate, high drunk driving rate, etc. Also, dd does not drive yet, and has no wish to learn, so it's not so much a curfew as it is a question of how late *I* should be willing to go pick her up. I should have mentioned that in my OP because it does change the dynamic somewhat.Last night, I had to go pick her up earlier than what she wanted to be picked up, because my husband felt it was late enough. So I was thinking that a curfew decided beforehand would give everyone (even hubby!) clear expectations so that we could avoid future disappointments.But you all make a very good point that at 17 she is almost a legal adult, and adults don't have curfews. They let their loved ones know where they'll be and when to expect them back. That makes a lot more sense to me. And she is definitely mature enough to do that responsibly. She doesn't socialize all that often, so personally I lean toward giving her flexibility when she does. DH is extremely protective of her (and of me!) so that complicates things. :)Thank you all again! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 (edited) No curfew, but if living at home plans need to be mentioned before we go to bed and we expect the jr license restrictions to be followed. The lads tend to be rolling home by 11, as they dont want to impose on the host parents, don't want the hassle of being pulled over as the odds are about 100% that they will be and after midnight the deer take over. Edited January 19, 2017 by Heigh Ho Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 Gee... I don't know ANYONE who fits THAT profile... *cough cough me cough cough* My husband too! One of the complicating factors here is that he would prefer that everyone be home by the time he goes to bed (not at all saying that he demands it, just that he would prefer it). Which doesn't sound unreasonable until you learn that he goes to bed at 8:30!!! :lol: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 11:00 on weekends unless an extension is requested for a good reason. Weeknights 9:30/10:00, but outings on weeknights are rare. If she's out on a weeknight, it's usually because she is studying with a friend who lives nearby. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 That is one of the major reasons we taught our kids to drive as early as possible. If they drive, I know they have been taught well and are responsible. I don't want them to be in the position to have to rely on less responsible, or less thoroughly instructed, friends for transportation. Yes, this didn't really occur to me when she first said at 16 that she didn't want to drive, but it's been on my mind a lot more lately -- particularly because she is planning to go to college out of state, where we won't be available to give her rides! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 (edited) No teens here yet, but I had a sort of a curfew. Essentially, I was expected home by the time the last bus came by, if I was just out and about. So - I could go to friend's places or around town, with no need to check in at home, but had to organize myself to get the right buses. If I wasn't on that bus, then I had better call and let someone know. And if they had to pick me up and it was because I was lazy/careless, they would be ticked off. If I planned or wanted to be out later I would let someone know, and in any case it also usually meant arranging transportation of some kind. I don't remember ever being told I wasn't allowed. If I had ongoing issues with school or whatever from being out late, I am sure they might have told me to be home earlier. ETA: this was the pre-cell era, so there was never much of this "as long as I know where you are" stuff. They might, if I went to a friends and stayed there, but we didn't call home if we decided to go out or whatever, and we weren't expected to call from public places. Edited January 19, 2017 by Bluegoat 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Thank you all so much. I appreciate the perspective. Dd is VERY responsible and trustworthy (much more than I was at her age) so that's not really the concern. The concern is more the other people out there -- we live in a city with a high crime rate, high drunk driving rate, etc. Also, dd does not drive yet, and has no wish to learn, so it's not so much a curfew as it is a question of how late *I* should be willing to go pick her up. I should have mentioned that in my OP because it does change the dynamic somewhat. Last night, I had to go pick her up earlier than what she wanted to be picked up, because my husband felt it was late enough. So I was thinking that a curfew decided beforehand would give everyone (even hubby!) clear expectations so that we could avoid future disappointments. But you all make a very good point that at 17 she is almost a legal adult, and adults don't have curfews. They let their loved ones know where they'll be and when to expect them back. That makes a lot more sense to me. And she is definitely mature enough to do that responsibly. She doesn't socialize all that often, so personally I lean toward giving her flexibility when she does. DH is extremely protective of her (and of me!) so that complicates things. :) Thank you all again! If it comes down to you needing to pick her up, I think it's fair to say what works for you. If it is a tie you are usually up, that is one thing. Asking you to regularly stay up when you would like to be in bed is another. And absolutely you should let her know ahead of time what ranges you find acceptable, so she can plan or find other arrangements. Or decide to learn to drive. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 We (my siblings and I) never had curfews. We just had to call and tell my parents what we were doing and when we expected to be home so they knew when to start worrying. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 (edited) Not exactly related to curfew, just adding it here because it's relevant to us for our "no curfew" ways, and also what helps us say "Yes" to nearly all requests for outings and use of the car... Check-ins are required. Usually just onece, always when plans change, and ideally so we know she's on her way home before jr. drivers license says she has to be off the roads. I explain that it isn't at all a lack of trust, but because I worry. A lot. Not only about a newer teen driver, but about all the idiots, deer, weather, and other road hazards. I cannot make myself not worry no matter how much I try, so there are three solutions: 1. I drive everyone, all the time (or another parent does) 2. We say "No" and everybody stays home 3. Teen checks in as requested Edited January 19, 2017 by Rebel Yell 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Depends on the event, but I would never agree to DD16 just hanging out late unless one of the parents was there. No dating yet, either. It is all just a non-issue since DD is a dancer. All of her time is devoted to her team. They do have social events, but the parents are usually there, too. DS36 was allowed to run wild. But, I was young and stupid back then. Now, I know better. Luckily, he survived. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Only me Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Our state has a curfew for those under 18 so it's 11 on weeknights and midnight weekends. Don't other states have curfews? For the most part my kids were fine with following that in high school. After 18 it's more about being considerate. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 (edited) Our state has a curfew for those under 18 so it's 11 on weeknights and midnight weekends. Don't other states have curfews? For the most part my kids were fine with following that in high school. After 18 it's more about being considerate. I checked, and our state law does not allow for curfews. Our state House passed a bill last year that would have allowed municipalities to set curfews, but it got killed in the Senate. It looks like they are trying again this year. ETA: And if it does pass, it will only apply to kids 15 and younger. Edited January 20, 2017 by Greta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Our state has a curfew for those under 18 so it's 11 on weeknights and midnight weekends. Don't other states have curfews? For the most part my kids were fine with following that in high school. After 18 it's more about being considerate. But that would mean kids could not even go to a movie that is showing at 9??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 No curfews around here. In Canada they seem to be by-laes where they exist. I think there have been charter challenges around them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 At 17, we had a curfew of 11:00 on the weekends. They can't drive past midnight, anyway. We had two girls who left the college basketball game and didn't tell the parents where they were headed. They went off the road up west of town and it was snowing so heavily they weren't found until morning. One died as NO ONE had ANY idea where to start looking! Oh, that's awful. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 We had a sort of "suggested" curfew--so he could make plans without having to run everything by us. He needed that independence of voice. That said, if there was an exception, we would talk it over. The main point was that we live together as a family, and part of that is letting people know you are OK. My son is a clam; were he not, I would totally have gone with "talk about it and decide and don't be an idiot." But he is. So a rule was a better route. I wish I had been a bit more lenient in a couple of cases, but overall it worked pretty well. I am pretty sure that this is what my parents did with me...but we were not clams. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 We had a sort of "suggested" curfew--so he could make plans without having to run everything by us. He needed that independence of voice. That said, if there was an exception, we would talk it over. The main point was that we live together as a family, and part of that is letting people know you are OK. My son is a clam; were he not, I would totally have gone with "talk about it and decide and don't be an idiot." But he is. So a rule was a better route. I wish I had been a bit more lenient in a couple of cases, but overall it worked pretty well. I am pretty sure that this is what my parents did with me...but we were not clams. What is a clam? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Our town has a curfew that is so annoying. If the kids are with their parents it doesn't apply. But otherwise it's year round! Fortunately it ends when kids turn 17, but even then our state driving laws kick in and kids under 18 can't drive past 10 Pm Sun-Thurs and 11 on Fri-Sat. Children 11 years old and younger have curfew between 8 p.m. and 6 a.m. Sunday through Thursday, and 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Friday and Saturday. Children ages 12 to 15 years old have curfew between 9 p.m. and 6 a.m. Sunday through Thursday, and 11 p.m. to 6 a.m. Friday and Saturday. Children age 16 have curfew between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. Sunday through Thursday, and midnight on Friday and Saturday. In our town if kids are caught repeatedly violating curfew they fine the parents. That's really tough for parents who work nights and need to leave their teens home. I truly chafed under these rules and was really glad when our kids turned 18. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 What is a clam? Just. Doesn't. Talk. About. Anything. He's more of an oyster--because there's a pearl inside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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