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Asking for prayers for my dd...

StaceyinLA

By StaceyinLA,
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StaceyinLA

StaceyinLA

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My 23yo dd lost someone very close to her yesterday.

 

She had a pretty long, tumultuous relationship with this guy. It started off great, and I think she really believed she would marry him. Ultimately, he began to have drug problems. He hid it well for a while and then not so well. There was some abusive behavior that went on and we tried our best to discourage her from being with him/going back to him, etc. I really believe she thought she could help him, and deep down, I believe he loved her as much as he knew how (he had a pretty dysfunctional upbringing and family). I truly think he had an underlying, and un or misdiagnosed mental illness that was even more prominent because of the drug use.

 

She has several years and a lot of memories wrapped up in this guy. She had finally moved on recently (very recently), as he had promised to go to rehab for a month, and left after 2 days. That was her final straw. He had continued to beg her to come back, but she stood her ground.

 

He died in a car wreck at 2 a.m. yesterday morning, 99% likely under the influence. She is devastated. She dreamt last Monday night that he died. It was her worst fear. She's struggling with the fact that she still has anger over the things that happened, and now there is tremendous sadness as well.

 

Just pray for her please, if you're the praying type. She doesn't always make perfect decisions, but she's very strong-willed and such a kind-hearted person. Watching her go through this is killing me.

 

And honestly, even though I knew he was poison for her later into the relationship, I just had a lot of hope for him as a person. He had a lot of good qualities. Drugs are poison. This is so heartbreaking.

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flyingaway

flyingaway

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Prayers for your dd and you. I'm sorry. We lost a family member to opioids this past summer. The drugs aspect just adds an extra layer to the devastation, I think. Please tell your dd it's OK to be angry as long as one doesn't get stuck there. Anger is a natural part of the grieving process.

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StaceyinLA

StaceyinLA

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I talked to her a good bit yesterday about her feelings. She has been so worried he would OD; he's been threatening her with that for a while. I believe that while technically this was clearly his own fault since it was a single vehicle accident, it likely wasn't intentional, which I'm hoping keeps her from feeling guilt like she surely would have had it been a suicide.

 

The drug epidemic right now is the worst I've seen since my teens. I could've never remotely imagined myself doing heroin or meth or anything of that nature; now, teens are dying daily from use of those drugs. His addiction was pills as well; oxycontin I believe, but likely others. It's scary as can be.

 

I think so much of her anger is from before. She told me that she was really upset because she was still angry with him for so many things, and she wanted for them to be able to get past that, and for her to at least forgive him, and now she never can. I think the concept of still being so angry with him, and now so sad is just really hard to grasp.

 

Let's face it - death is difficult at any age. At 23, with someone who has played such a huge, daily role in your life for several years, it's pretty darn devastating. I just want to say and do the right things to help her, while letting her get her feelings out.

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Selkie

Selkie

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I'm so sorry.   :grouphug:  I hope your daughter gets through this and finds someone who is healthy and good for her.

 

There's an awful drug problem here, too.  It's very scary that so many people now seem to feel the need to be medicated or anesthetized just to get through the day.  :(

 

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scrapbookbuzz

scrapbookbuzz

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That's a tough one. And as mothers, we tend to only want the best for our children and probably feel their pain more than anyone but God Himself.  My prayer for all of you is to learn from this and to be comforted. A key thing here, though, is to please let her grieve as she needs to. It may look different than you or someone else may think the process  should look but it is her journey, no one else's.

Praying for you all!

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Scarlett

Scarlett

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My 23yo dd lost someone very close to her yesterday.

 

She had a pretty long, tumultuous relationship with this guy. It started off great, and I think she really believed she would marry him. Ultimately, he began to have drug problems. He hid it well for a while and then not so well. There was some abusive behavior that went on and we tried our best to discourage her from being with him/going back to him, etc. I really believe she thought she could help him, and deep down, I believe he loved her as much as he knew how (he had a pretty dysfunctional upbringing and family). I truly think he had an underlying, and un or misdiagnosed mental illness that was even more prominent because of the drug use.

 

She has several years and a lot of memories wrapped up in this guy. She had finally moved on recently (very recently), as he had promised to go to rehab for a month, and left after 2 days. That was her final straw. He had continued to beg her to come back, but she stood her ground.

 

He died in a car wreck at 2 a.m. yesterday morning, 99% likely under the influence. She is devastated. She dreamt last Monday night that he died. It was her worst fear. She's struggling with the fact that she still has anger over the things that happened, and now there is tremendous sadness as well.

 

Just pray for her please, if you're the praying type. She doesn't always make perfect decisions, but she's very strong-willed and such a kind-hearted person. Watching her go through this is killing me.

 

And honestly, even though I knew he was poison for her later into the relationship, I just had a lot of hope for him as a person. He had a lot of good qualities. Drugs are poison. This is so heartbreaking.

So so sad. I am so sorry. I lost a high school boyfriend to violence. He was 21 I was 20 when he died. I was already married but I was still devastated by his death. He was high and drunk when killed by his stepfather.

 

Addiction is horrible.

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StaceyinLA

StaceyinLA

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So so sad. I am so sorry. I lost a high school boyfriend to violence. He was 21 I was 20 when he died. I was already married but I was still devastated by his death. He was high and drunk when killed by his stepfather.

 

Addiction is horrible.

I'm so sorry - that is awful. I lost an ex-boyfriend turned to very dear friend in high school. He was murdered, at 16, by someone who knew he had been saving money over the summer for his senior year. They shot and killed him over $3,000.00. I honestly think there was a lot of denial at that age, plus the casket was closed, so a lot of us really struggled at that age to grasp it all - like maybe he was still out there somewhere.

 

Dd is doing as to be expected. The next couple days will be really difficult, as his wake and funeral will be tomorrow and Thursday. If there is an open casket, I honestly don't know how she will handle it. I told her I will be there as much, or as little, as she wants me to be. She has had times of avoiding us during the relationship because she knew we didn't really approve (well at first we did, but later, when things got worse, we - as in me and her siblings - just couldn't really support it), so I don't know how much she will want to lean on me, or if she'll want to lean on their group of friends/his family more. I will just be here if she needs me.

 

I appreciate all the kind words, thoughts, and prayers.

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