I know you're not supposed to put a kid on a diet, but...

[TKDmom]

What do you do for a little girl that is overweight? My 7yo is now 10lbs heavier than her 11yo brother--maybe more than my 13yo. My 3 older kids have always been around the 25 percentile for weight and 75th for height, so tall and skinny. She's well above 90th percentile for height, weight and BMI.

 

This is causing me stress. We just came home from the ped. I try not to discuss her weight in front of her, but it's unavoidable at the doctor's office. Ar home we talk to her about being healthy (as opposed to talking about fat or skinny) and try to encourage her to eat healthy foods and exercise so she can be healthy.

 

This girl eats competitively and emotionally, and she doesn't recognize her body's signals that she might be full. I don't even know how to talk to her about it, because I don't want her to be obsessed with being skinny. But her eating habits aren't serving her well.

 

She's aware that's she's overweight. Earlier this year, she went through a phase complaining that she was fat. At some point I explained to her that fat forms in your body when your body gets more food that it can use--especially if it's junk food. For a few days she wanted to eat healthy, but really she wants sugar all the time. One day she came home and told me about how she wasn't worried about being fat any more, because "Connor says it's good to be a little but fat when you're a kid. As long as you're not too fat." And he had told her she wasn't too fat. I wanted to run over to his house and give him a kiss.

 

I'm rambling. I just need some support and ideas that work to help her slow down the weight gain.

 

She starts public school tomorrow and I'm hoping the schedule will help her eating patterns improve. I think I also might need to pack her healthy lunches rather than let her buy lunch. I think I have to ban processed food and candy too (after tonight's obligatory binge).

 

Ugh. I hate food. I was always skinny because I'm too lazy to prepare anything. I do all the cooking now, but I've never enjoyed it.

[zoobie]

Not recognizing fullness can be a sign of a medical issue such as Praeder Willi Syndrome. It can also be a sensory processing issue. If medical causes are ruled out, I would cut processed sugars and flours from regular diet. Concentrate on high-satiety foods and good fats and proteins. Make a change for the whole family, not just her though. :)

[SparklyUnicorn]

I wonder if you could find a specialist to help.  I wouldn't know where to start with that either.

 

 

[QueenCat]

Find ways to incorporate exercise that is fun into her daily routine. No need to put her on a diet. Just make sure the majority of food available in the home is healthy.  Junk food on occasion, not banned. When banned, people seek it out more and find ways to find it. And junk food is something that should be a treat for everyone, regardless of current weight. It's no healthier for a skinny person than a heavier person. I think the idea of making lunches instead of buying is a good one. If she wants to buy, let her buy once a week (or something like that). No need for lectures and such at her age. They won't help. Teaching the whole family about nutrition is fine, honing in on her is not. Have the family help with planning balanced, healthy meals. 

[regentrude]

This girl eats competitively and emotionally, and she doesn't recognize her body's signals that she might be full...

 

But her eating habits aren't serving her well...

 

 but really she wants sugar all the time.

 

At her age, you still control what she can eat and when, because you are the person buying and preparing the food.

Just don't have sugary stuff and processed junk in the home.

Eat at designated meal times only, seated at the dining table.

Schedule snacks and serve designated portions.

If portion control is a problem, switch from family style serving to food served plated.

 

I would also look into how much exercise she actually gets. Most kids need a LOT more movement than they get nowadays. Until my kids were 11-12, I spent several hours every afternoon with them at the park, but even this running and playing was not enough to get them to exert themselves. We did day hikes every weekend. How much physical activity does your DD get?

Edited October 31, 2016 by regentrude

[hornblower]

easy steps are to stop buying soda & juice. 

Switch to carbonated low sodium club soda or mineral water if you all like fizz. 

Slowly start buying less of candy and cookies. When you run out, you're out & there's no more.

It's not just junk food that contributes to obesity. It's too much of everything, incl high fat and deep fried convenience foods. 


Getting everyone in the family - regardless of their bmi - to eat a healthy diet is a good step.  


This site will give you some ideas about a good meal plan & what a reasonable amount of food is for a child that age . If you print out one of the checklists there, she can learn about the various food categories ... https://www.choosemyplate.gov/kids-activity-sheets



 

[FaithManor]

I would make a change for the whole family and limit sugar and high glycemic foods and simple carbs from the house having special days like a dessert at the holidays,cakeon birthdays, and such. I would have a pediatric endocrinologist evaluate her to make sure there isn't something serious going on, and find time to exercise with her so it doesn't feel "punitive". Could be a mommy daughter walk everyday, a bike ride, getting a dance workout video and having some crazy dance fun - be zany, you could introduce her to things like disco "Can you believe we danced like this?",memorize the steps to "Thriller", and the "Macarena", and other such fun tunes that appeal to kids. See if you can make it something she looks foward to doing. My friend put her daughter in swim lessins and then a swim team until it became cost prohibitive and then made the switch to dance classes, but it really helped her daughter who struggled.

[Liz CA]

Second what other posters said. Praeder Willi Syndrome is fairly rare but checking it out doesn't hurt and neither does a thyroid check.

 

Since you mentioned junk food and sugar cravings, I would not buy any junk food or high sugar items. She cannot eat what is not there. Also, it  takes a while to develop a taste for good food if you have been on sugar-laden food.

I would also find a physical activity she enjoys - anything from ball playing to taking walks and increasing time and difficulty levels incrementally.

Edited October 31, 2016 by Liz CA

[Arcadia]

She's well above 90th percentile for height, weight and BMI.

...

For a few days she wanted to eat healthy, but really she wants sugar all the time.

My DS11 was on the tall and heavy side for his age. Weight is in the "normal" range given his height. I won't look at BMI for a child. Link is to the CDC weight height chart for girls

http://www.cdc.gov/growthcharts/data/set1clinical/cj41l022.pdf

 

There are many reasons for sugar craving, Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) without diabetes runs in my family. Even as a kid, a cup of warm water with a heap tablespoon of sugar added helps reduce dizziness. When my DS11 is meltdown cranky, a few sips of coke (or any sugared soda) helps. He does not crave sugar normally. It is hard to diagnose though, I had many blood draws as a kid just for doctors to eliminate all the scary possibilities.

[hornblower]

My DS11 was on the tall and heavy side for his age. Weight is in the "normal" range given his height. I won't look at BMI for a child. Link is to the CDC weight height chart for girls

http://www.cdc.gov/growthcharts/data/set1clinical/cj41l022.pdf

 

The CDC has bmi charts for children though... https://nccd.cdc.gov/dnpabmi/calculator.aspx

[Garga]

My son was going down that road. What I did:

 

He is a very picky eater. I hate cooking. I was getting lazy and letting him eat a ton of processed junk because it was easier than me cooking a big meal and it was easier than fussing at him.

 

I sat down and came up with 6 meals that he likes, and that his slightly picky brother likes, and that his picky mother (me) likes, and his father likes. It was really hard to come up with 6 meals. There are 7 days in the week, so I'm always scrambling to come up with that 7th meal. (I hate food, too.).

 

Anyway. I came up with the 6 meals that we can all somewhat stomach. That's all we eat for dinner. Those same 6 meals. Every week. They're not the healthiest meals on the planet, but they're better than hot dogs for dinner every night.

 

That helped.

 

The same thing that happened with you happened with us: the doctor pointed out that he was too heavy and we needed to watch things. He knew it, I knew it, and now the pediatrician was making us face it.

 

So, since the pediatrician forced him to recognize he was gettting overweight, it was time to strike while the iron was hot and implement a new rule: One dessert a week. Period. Anytime he likes, but just one. For all of us. He chose donuts after church on Sunday morning.

 

We've stuck with that rule pretty well.

 

I didn't add exercise because he hates it and frankly after dragging him behind me to do his schoolwork, and dragging him behind me to do his chores, and dragging him behind me to get to bed on time, and dragging him to finish the dinners that he can tolerate but doesn't really like...I was sick of dragging him. I just don't have the mental energy. I can be the taskmaster in only so many ways. He also gets bad headaches when he exercises, and I just gave up forcing him to do yet another thing he doesn't want to do.

 

I make sure he gets protein at breakfast every day so he's not starving all day. We have set food for lunch as well. If it's Monday then it's X, Tuesday we eat Y, etc. He always knows what to expect.

 

So, his three meals a day are carefully planned. There is one dessert a week. If I could get that kid exercising I would, but I can't bear another struggle with my kids. (My youngest also pushes back on most things as well. And so does my DH. I'm starting to think something's wrong with me. No one willingly cooperates with me without a fuss. Sorry..this isn't my thread...back to the original question.)

 

He is still very slightly overweight, but he had tipped into the obese category for about half a year there. Before, the moment you looked at him you thought, "That kid is getting heavy." Now it's not obvious. I can tell that he's carrying a few extra pounds, but I don't think most people register it.

[Slache]

Change the family's lifestyle, not hers. No junk food, C25K, yoga, water only. Everyone should be doing it. Just because the others are thinner doesn't mean they're healthier. If it's a family affair it's not an attack or judgement, just better choices for everyone.

[kewb]

Rule out medical, such as her thyroid and or food intolerance.

Make sure she knows you value her for who she is not her weight.

Do not be the food police. Prepare healthy meals and include her in meal planning.. Do not comment on what she is or is not eating. Limit or remove junk food from the house.  Everyone changes their eating habits.  You can't have junk in the house for hubby and/or child b and tell child a they can't have it.

[gardenmom5]

 

My 3 older kids have always been around the 25 percentile for weight and 75th for height, so tall and skinny. She's well above 90th percentile for height, weight and BMI.

 

This girl eats competitively and emotionally, and she doesn't recognize her body's signals that she might be full. I don't even know how to talk to her about it, because I don't want her to be obsessed with being skinny. But her eating habits aren't serving her well.

 

She's aware that's she's overweight.

 

 

it sounds like you're used to having skinny kids for their height (25th weight and 75th height = skinny for height.)  you said her height and weight are in the same percentile.  

 

If her height were the 50th and her weight the 75th, that would be different. 

 

the wanting sugar all the time could be several different health issues.  from yeast overgrowth in the gut to low adrenals.  both things not that difficult to treat.

processed food is loaded (*loaded*) with sugars.  sugar consumption also increases how much you eat because it messes with the brain's ability to recognize satiation.

just reducing sugar in the diet she'll eat less (without restricting anything else) because she'll start to "hear" the message from her stomach.

[QueenCat]

Don't call exercise "exercise"........ call it playing, going for walks, going for hikes, etc.

[Arcadia]

The CDC has bmi charts for children though... https://nccd.cdc.gov/dnpabmi/calculator.aspx

My DS11 is underweight by that BMI calculator. However he is actually at the 90th percentile for height and 50th percentile for weight. So to his pediatrician, he is not really underweight.

 

My DS10 is small for age. For both my kids, their pediatrician is monitoring the trend on my kids respective growth charts then on their BMI.

[EMS83]

I have always banned junk food and candy in our house most of the time, and limited how frequently I make desserts.  DD is still in the 86th percentile for BMI.  So don't feel super bad.  I talk to my DD about eating to taste vs. eating to satisfy hunger.  I keep a lot of fruit around, and am willing to cut off dinner (for multiple reasons--taking too long, eating too much, etc.).  You can also increase activity at home, which I'm considering doing for all of us because weight aside, sitting around all the time makes our heart and lungs weak.  I'm skinny but I'm not fit.  It will ultimately be up to you (and your husband?), but if you end up decided to take a tough route, don't feel bad or alone.  It's a tough subject and I understand your concern of creating the opposite problem.   :grouphug:

[TKDmom]

I can't make all the replies I'd like to right now, because I'm on my phone and it's time to get dinner started. But you guys have already been so helpful in getting me out of my thinking rut.

 

DH and I have discussed that if her diet is going to change, it will have to be for the whole family. I'm ready to cut out sugar myself, so this is the perfect time to get everyone on a whole food diet. I don't buy a lot of junk (and we only drink water), but if there's cereal in the house, that's what the kids choose for breakfast, lunch, and snacks. They talked me into buying a couple of boxes this morning. It will be gone in a couple days... I mention sweets because we have been making a lot of day trips lately, and dd begs for dessert at every single restaurant we've stopped at. We were at the mall the other night and she practically had a meltdown because I wouldn't buy ice cream. Or cookies. Or frozen yogurt. She's making me crazy!

 

I will look into some of the things that have been mentioned. Her last doctor did a bunch of blood work last year and everything was normal. I'll have to get her records and find out what they tested for.

[maize]

Genetically, does she maybe take after a different side of the family than the other kids in terms of body type? If so, how is the overall health of the family members she resembles?

 

I'd stay far, far away from a focus on weight, especially with a child who has naturally skinny siblings. A focus on healthy eating and activity for everyone because we want strong bodies is good. Who is skinny/fat? Badbadbadbadbadbad. For everyone.

Edited October 31, 2016 by maize

[ktgrok]

I'd add probiotics (there is evidence that gut bacteria play a huge role in how many calories are needed, etc), cut out sugar, and that's about it. Honestly. It is SO easy to create a complex at this age. I was a pretty normal looking teen but my mom put me on a diet. That led to restricted metabolism, and a cycle that ended up with me morbidly obese. 

 

Sugar though,is freaking evil. It does horrid things to the body and brain. I'd get rid of it. But that's about it at this point. 

[maize]

I can't make all the replies I'd like to right now, because I'm on my phone and it's time to get dinner started. But you guys have already been so helpful in getting me out of my thinking rut.

 

DH and I have discussed that if her diet is going to change, it will have to be for the whole family. I'm ready to cut out sugar myself, so this is the perfect time to get everyone on a whole food diet. I don't buy a lot of junk (and we only drink water), but if there's cereal in the house, that's what the kids choose for breakfast, lunch, and snacks. They talked me into buying a couple of boxes this morning. It will be gone in a couple days... I mention sweets because we have been making a lot of day trips lately, and dd begs for dessert at every single restaurant we've stopped at. We were at the mall the other night and she practically had a meltdown because I wouldn't buy ice cream. Or cookies. Or frozen yogurt. She's making me crazy!

 

I will look into some of the things that have been mentioned. Her last doctor did a bunch of blood work last year and everything was normal. I'll have to get her records and find out what they tested for.

A craving for sweets could be an indication of low blood sugar. I'd focus on protein and fats not just at meals but for snacks as well--cheese sticks, nuts, veggi sticks or apples with peanut butter, stuff that will keep her running for awhile. Edited October 31, 2016 by maize

[catz]

Does her doctor recommend anything?  I might follow up with the health angle (especially just doing a blood draw to check for thyroid, etc) but some kids just have different body compositions than others.  If she's 90th for weight and height, that really seems not too bad at all IMO.

 

I'd focus on healthy habit building for the whole family - walking, biking, playing, don't keep junk in the house, etc.  Don't make it about her.  Our family just doesn't generally buy sweets or desserts.  Those are special occasion things for holidays, birthdays, etc.  It's hard to make a switch, but within a few weeks everyone just gets used to changes like this.

Edited October 31, 2016 by WoolySocks

[shinyhappypeople]

Barring medical issues, your daughter is still young enough that she can grow into her weight.  You cannot have trigger foods in the house (cookies, chips, candy, etc.)  Period.  She can't eat what's not there.  Treats are something you go OUT of the house for every now and then.  If you have a children's hospital near you, find out if they have a childhood obesity clinic and get her in there.

 

This book is really good: Your Child's Weight: Helping Without Harming

 

Good luck!  It's a tough place to be, both as a child and as a mom.  People can be so nasty and judgmental.   :grouphug: 

[ktgrok]

Barring medical issues, your daughter is still young enough that she can grow into her weight.  You cannot have trigger foods in the house (cookies, chips, candy, etc.)  Period.  She can't eat what's not there.  Treats are something you go OUT of the house for every now and then.  If you have a children's hospital near you, find out if they have a childhood obesity clinic and get her in there.

 

This book is really good: Your Child's Weight: Helping Without Harming

 

Good luck!  It's a tough place to be, both as a child and as a mom.  People can be so nasty and judgmental.   :grouphug: 

 

YES on the trigger foods!!! We call those "slider foods" in the bariatric world, because they slide on down and never make you full. (even after weight loss surgery). 

 

If I indulge now, I get a single serving, never ever ever large bags. Ever. So go out for ice cream, or get a pint to split between the whole family, not a half gallon. One cookie from the bakery, not a bag of them. Etc. 

 

Treat the sugar like an addictive substance. For her, it probably is. Some people can drink alcohol and not be bothered. Some can have sugar and be okay (although if you read up on skinny on the outside, fat on the inside you will see that probably isn't true), but some of us, it's an addiction. 

SaveSave

[MSNative]

Great advice given. I'd add find some activities she loves. Turns out my son who sounds similar loves to lift weights. He's always played sports but when he was finally old enough to lift he really got into it. And he's hit a growth spurt. He's now tall and fit.

[nd293]

I have no problem with putting a child on a diet, or discussing weight with a child. In fact, I think it is problemstic when a parent does not intervene when a child is overweight. However, it is obviously very important to watch how you phrase things and what the message is. it's really important to remember that the issue of what we call 'dieting' should always be about learning healthy eating habits. These don't only apply to one child in the family. So assuming all cooking and food provision is healthy (and no other medical issues), it is largely about portion control and bad habits. I would actively intervene to stop second helping, for instance (cook less, only fruit if hungry afterwards) and not allow random eating between meals (for anyone). Those are both standard in our house anyway, but there was a period where I had to actively enforce them. We have never banned sweets or biscuits, for instance, but there are standard limits in place for everyone. At times I need to opt to forget to buy things like that for a few weeks. Personal money is also not allowed to be spent on food - all food is provided at home. I think there is a lot that can be done to help a child without the experience being negative or damaging.

[gardenmom5]

The CDC has bmi charts for children though... https://nccd.cdc.gov/dnpabmi/calculator.aspx

 

I really question that stuff.   my ped told my dudeling was too heavy. . .

 

uh the kid has to wear slim skinny jeans in a size too short for them to stay up.

sorry - if anything - that kid could stand to gain some weight.

[maize]

I really question that stuff. my ped told my dudeling was too heavy. . .

 

uh the kid has to wear slim skinny jeans in a size too short for them to stay up.

sorry - if anything - that kid could stand to gain some weight.

A huge issue with BMI is that it doesn't take into account density--a kid with bigger bones and more muscle is going to have a higher BMI than a kid with slender bones and less muscle if both have the same amount of body fat.

 

I picked up a friend's toddler the other day--that kid is built like a rock. He's got a good ten pounds on my kid who is a similar age and height, and no sign of fat anywhere.

Edited October 31, 2016 by maize

[hornblower]

I really question that stuff.   my ped told my dudeling was too heavy. . .

 

uh the kid has to wear slim skinny jeans in a size too short for them to stay up.

sorry - if anything - that kid could stand to gain some weight.

 

 

did you try that calculator tho? Because ime that cdc one is very liberal about its percentiles. 

 

Generally speaking, I do find having a personal growth chart is the best. In lactation practice we find most kids find their curve & stay on it. Some families are very small boned & delicately built, others are large, tall, and literally big boned people. They'd be at opposite ends of the charts but so long as we keep plotting their curves & they stay more or less on it (over weeks in the early time of life, then months & years), we don't worry. When kids start dropping or jumping percentiles though, then there's something to investigate & possibly intervene.... 

[hornblower]

A huge issue with BMI is that it doesn't take into account density--a kid with bigger bones and more muscle is going to have a higher BMI than a kid with diner bones and less muscle if both have the same amount of body fat.

 

I picked up a friend's toddler the other day--that kid is built like a rock. He's got a good ten pounds on my kid who is a similar age and height, and no sign of fat anywhere.

 

But BMI percentiles do take that into account. That's why the ranges are so large - to account for people who are very fine built and the more massive built. 

 

Yes, body fat caliper (or water dip or that scan machine thingymajig) are better at measuring body fat percentage but I disagree that bmi is not a relevant indicator. For the vast vast vast majority of people it is. 

 

When combined with waist hip ratios, & body fat calculations it becomes even more indicative but I just don't think I know that many people who have high bmi and shouldn't be losing weight. 

[poppy]

Poor kid.

In addition to the advice here, you should tell her she is beautiful,. If you have a husband it's even more important he tell her.  Unconditionally. Even if she rolls her eyes. It matters, a lot. 

[Pawz4me]

I wouldn't be overly concerned about a child who is in about the same percentile for weight and height. If she were 90 percent for weight and significantly less for height then that would be concerning. But it sounds as if her weight and height percentiles are right in line with each other. I'd work on building better eating and exercise habits, but no way would I be putting a kid at the same percentiles on a weight loss diet.

[Scarlett]

I feel like the pendulum has swung so far toward not hurting kids self image that we are allowing them to be overweight and THAT can hurt self image and their actual health.  

 

All I can say is that I hope you can help her now.  I have a 15 year old ss who just came to live with us a few months ago--he is about 75 pounds overweight.  I feel like anything I say about it will be wrong.  I just don't know how to help him.

[Scarlett]

If i were my 7 year old I would rid the house of junk food and limit her to healthy snacks only.  And get her moving.  Some activity that she loves and do it often.  

[73349]

I agree with Pawz4me: Have a healthy lifestyle for everyone generally, but if the height percentile matches the weight, that's not overweight. Some kids are just going to be bigger overall.

[TechWife]

I have no helpful advice, but I'm super curious to know what, exactly the pediatrician said. Obviously you don't have to share if you don't want to. 

[Mergath]

:grouphug:  I totally understand the stress. My dd's genetic disorder puts her at a high risk for obesity. Even though she's a twig, I STILL worry, though I would never in a million years let her know that. And then feel like an asshole for worrying about it.

 

We maintain a strong focus on health. Never, ever weight or appearance. I talk to dd a lot about different vitamins and minerals, processed vs. whole foods, sugar being addictive, focusing on how different foods make you feel, etc. I've mentioned briefly that eating too much causes your body to store too much fat and that makes it harder to be active, but only in the context of a lifelong continuous conversation about health. She's chosen on her own to read some Michael Pollan books and learned a lot from them.

 

My dh is more of the "kids should have a treat now and then" type, so between the two of us, it's a good balance. She eats healthy, whole foods 90% of the time and I don't typically keep sugary foods in the house, but dessert isn't this forbidden thing she's only heard about from other kids. Dh has her out trick-or-treating right now, in fact, and once a month I have my book club so they spend the evening eating junk food and watching movies together.

 

I'll let you know in a decade or so if all this worked, lol.

 

[Bluegoat]

I can't make all the replies I'd like to right now, because I'm on my phone and it's time to get dinner started. But you guys have already been so helpful in getting me out of my thinking rut.

 

DH and I have discussed that if her diet is going to change, it will have to be for the whole family. I'm ready to cut out sugar myself, so this is the perfect time to get everyone on a whole food diet. I don't buy a lot of junk (and we only drink water), but if there's cereal in the house, that's what the kids choose for breakfast, lunch, and snacks. They talked me into buying a couple of boxes this morning. It will be gone in a couple days... I mention sweets because we have been making a lot of day trips lately, and dd begs for dessert at every single restaurant we've stopped at. We were at the mall the other night and she practically had a meltdown because I wouldn't buy ice cream. Or cookies. Or frozen yogurt. She's making me crazy!

 

I will look into some of the things that have been mentioned. Her last doctor did a bunch of blood work last year and everything was normal. I'll have to get her records and find out what they tested for.

 

Does this end up working for her?  Most kids like sweets.  If begging and carrying on is often or sometimes effective at getting something she wants, it might be more a behavior thing that a matter of unusual cravings.

[Anne in CA]

My oldest was pretty heavy, and she is extremely obese now as a 28yo, although in the last year she has begun going to the gym every day and eating healthier. She says she has lost 40lb, but she looks the same to me, but I am so relieved to see her eating salmon and veggie soup for dinner that  I really don't care about the weight anymore.

 

A couple of things:

 

Fructose will never make you feel full. Ever. Soda, juice, processed sweets are all sweetened with various forms of fructose. You shouldn't even have it in the house considering that she is unable to show moderation. That includes high dollar juice that you believe to be healthy. It isn't. It's destroying her liver.

 

She needs more activity. She needs a sport that involves running. Basketball season is almost here. I would get her in a parks and rec program ASAP. Swimming is also a high calorie burner, but most marshal arts and dance do not burn enough calories to count as exercise. In addition to a sport I would suggest a nice walk with her every day and if you have a WII or similar I would get a fun game that keeps her moving on her off time if you live someplace too cold to walk.

 

 

[gingersmom]

Sign the whole family up for a Thanksgiving walk/run event

 

Swimming at your local pool (ours is inside and full of kids on the weekend)

 

An interest in dance or gymnastics can lead to ice skating or tennis or some other activity

 

My kids are much older but this summer I got them fitbits so they could really see how much they are moving (as opposed to guessing)

 

Walk the dog, walk the neighbors dog!

[SKL]

One of my kids didn't have that natural shut-off valve when she was little.  I used a few different approaches.

 

1) Usually only "healthy" food in healthy portions available.  If she felt "hungry" after eating enough, she could have more veggies or fruit.  I tried to have mostly organic, whole grains, etc.  These kinds of foods tend to give us more bang for our calorie.

 

2) I served meals buffet-style so they felt like they could take what they wanted.

 

3) During meals, I would talk about how food made us feel.  After enough food, I'd ask, "are you satisfied?" and let her decide if she felt comfortable or still hungry.  Of course we talked about nutrition and balance and all that.  Always in a positive way - "this has lots of protein which is good for xyz" ....  Whenever kid felt done, she was done.  We could pack up the leftovers for later.

 

4) We didn't "snack" or "graze" or have temptations lying around.  No juices etc. - water is just fine (and yogurt or 0% milk with meals).  We didn't hang around the kitchen when it wasn't time to eat.  We were busy doing other things.

 

5) We did something active (targeting an hour or more) every day.  For bad weather, I bought yoga and dance videos to use at home.  When away from home, I was always on the lookout for a physical play opportunity to break up the day.

 

6) Wherever possible, I tried to say "yes" instead of "no."  "Yes" we can do the healthy version of whatever, at the appropriate time and place.

Edited November 1, 2016 by SKL

[Rosie_0801]

My dd was a bit of a hypochondriac when she was small, and I always felt it would be safest to channel that energy somewhere else. So we bought the Herb Fairy books, a book on edible weeds, keep kombucha and water kefir and make the occasional experiment out of Sandor Katz's book. These sorts of things create a different type of food culture. At the very least, some chives in a decent sized pot allows the pleasure of harvesting.

 

Watch her to see if she sighs when she's eating. That's a thing many people do when they have about three more bites left on their plate. It's one of the body's ways of saying you're done and she could be trained to recognise that.

[TechWife]

Don't call exercise "exercise"........ call it playing, going for walks, going for hikes, etc.

 

Exercise isn't bad and I'm curious to know why you think use of the word should be avoided? My preference would be to make sure there are positive connections to exercise through finding activities that are enjoyable for the people involved. 

[displace]

I don't have time to peruse all the replies but wanted to mention maybe she has a different reason to eat besides hunger? She's probably too young to make a lot of adult connections between food/boredom/emotions, but maybe you can do that for her and see if there's a pattern you can help her break.

 

Of course cutting down on a lot of junk is important, and heathy activity, but see if something else can help her understand her body and satiety. Maybe she needs a hobby/activity, or more free choice play, or more structure, or who knows?

 

I'm not saying if she does or doesn't need anything different, but maybe give a thought to it and see if it's another's option to help her.

[Learning fun]

I have no advice but hopefully encouragement. My older brothers and I took after my mom- longer and almost malnourished looking. My younger sister took after my dad- shorter and rounder. She didn't do anything different than the rest of us. It was genetic. My mom made exercise a togetherness thing. My younger sister and I went to dance classes and swim lessons together We walked to and from school together. We joined our mom in these hilarious 80's exercise videos, often giggling as we bounced away. We took part in family runs, my sister and I usually trailing behind everyone else. We would play tennis being so bad that we'd cheer whenever the ball was hit. It was a really happy and positive time for us, something that bonded us together. We had our share of fighting and misunderstandings but we were close, and still are. In our case "getting the family involved" gave us more than the benefits of exercise. It became a joyful part of our lives. The positive impact of your healthy family choices might surprise you.

[poppy]

I feel like the pendulum has swung so far toward not hurting kids self image that we are allowing them to be overweight and THAT can hurt self image and their actual health.  

 

All I can say is that I hope you can help her now.  I have a 15 year old ss who just came to live with us a few months ago--he is about 75 pounds overweight.  I feel like anything I say about it will be wrong.  I just don't know how to help him.

 

If you are replying to me, I don't think telling a child she's beautiful unconditionally is trying to "not hurt her self image". Based on the OP, her self image is already pretty damaged (at 7!!). The damage is done .  And I don't think it's really because of her weight.  My tall, slim 8 year old tells me she's very glad she's not fat.  She says it's because she can get into small places.  I don't know where she got that from exactly, certainly not from us directly, and she doesn't watch commercial TV AND she is homeschooled. But still, it's there. Everyone needs someone to love them unconditionally including appearance, I think.

 

Naturally being healthy is important.

I think the tide is turning from "only slender people are healthy" as an old idea, the same way the tide turned from the idea "gettting a tan is good for protecting you skin from damage" 30 years ago.

[TKDmom]

Genetically, does she maybe take after a different side of the family than the other kids in terms of body type? If so, how is the overall health of the family members she resembles?

 

I'd stay far, far away from a focus on weight, especially with a child who has naturally skinny siblings. A focus on healthy eating and activity for everyone because we want strong bodies is good. Who is skinny/fat? Badbadbadbadbadbad. For everyone.

Yes, yes, yes. I've drilled my boys not to even discuss weight or body type. We are all different. I've had too many friends that had lasting issues because of insensitive comments from older brothers. The more I read, the more I can see that girls in our culture have their self-worth based on appearance. I want to talk her her about being strong and hardworking. Not about pretty and smart.

 

MIL had commented that dd7 looks just like she did as a girl, so I think she must have genetics from that side. Along with some of the mental health/OE issues from my side of the family. :(

[Scarlett]

If you are replying to me, I don't think telling a child she's beautiful unconditionally is trying to "not hurt her self image". Based on the OP, her self image is already pretty damaged (at 7!!). The damage is done . And I don't think it's really because of her weight. My tall, slim 8 year old tells me she's very glad she's not fat. She says it's because she can get into small places. I don't know where she got that from exactly, certainly not from us directly, and she doesn't watch commercial TV AND she is homeschooled. But still, it's there. Everyone needs someone to love them unconditionally including appearance, I think.

 

Naturally being healthy is important.

I think the tide is turning from "only slender people are healthy" as an old idea, the same way the tide turned from the idea "gettting a tan is good for protecting you skin from damage" 30 years ago.

No I wasn't replying to you. Of course it is not damaging to tell a child she is beautiful.

 

I was responding to the OP discussing being afraid to discuss the weight issue for fear of damaging her child in some way.

 

My SS is an emotional eater. He just keeps getting bigger and bigger. And I have a young friend who I first met when he was 19 and very overweight..,,.,and now he is 23 and another 100 pounds overweight. No matter how you phrase it, that is not ok. I wish for my SS and for my friend that it had been addressed at age 7.

[Katy]

First, try to relax.  She's still at the stage where she's likely to gain weight right before a growth spurt.  And soon she'll be spending a lot more time running around outside getting exercise.

 

Second, try to give her more protein foods (eggs for breakfast instead of toast or cereal) and less sugar.  Use real old-fashioned oats instead of instant ones.

 

Third, limit snacks to apples and carrots.  If she doesn't want an apple she's not actually hungry.

 

Fourth, try to spend more time at an outdoor playground.

[TKDmom]

it sounds like you're used to having skinny kids for their height (25th weight and 75th height = skinny for height.) you said her height and weight are in the same percentile.

 

If her height were the 50th and her weight the 75th, that would be different.

 

Her height is in the 95th, but her weight is higher. It's not on the charts, and it's not healthy. That's why I mentioned BMI, which is above 95th percentile.